


Adventures With Cora Mills

by WitchyLove14



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Armada, Explicit Language, F/F, Humor, Romance, Sexual Humor, Sexual Tension, Shenanigans, Swan Queen - Freeform, Verbal Humiliation, a few ship wars, aint nobody going to the city of shit, bc fuck you jtitty, black wolf ship, clexa recently added, cora basically fucks shit up, cora is a potty mouth, cora is the biggest swanqueen shipper ever, emma and regina are kinky bitches, fucking rachel tice, hook and cora brotp, its cora bitches, she pisses regina off a lot, there's some violence, viva la swan queen, witty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-26
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2017-12-06 13:03:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 48
Words: 180,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/736029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchyLove14/pseuds/WitchyLove14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of adventures with Cora. Regina and Emma are together and experience adventures with Cora, since she is new to this world, is amused and terrified of some things, and likes to cause trouble. Language. Talks of sexy times. Fluff. SwanQueen. Cora is the biggest SQ shipper ever. THIS IS A CRACK FIC. Story can also be located on Fanfiction.net.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Family Car Ride

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. ABC owns everything. Characters included.... but man I wish I owned this bunch because they are just a hoot.

This was going to be the absolute worst week of Emma's life. She just knew it. She had just wanted it to be a family vacation, consisting of herself, Henry and Regina. They had talked about it but then Henry let it slip to Snow and Charming and then that snowballed into inviting Cora as well of course.

So now family time would consist of the whole family… which meant no sexy times with Regina since they wouldn't be able to get away from them for more than five minutes.

Fuck my life. Emma thought to herself as she threw the last suitcase into the SUV. Since they've been married for over a year now and had been talking about adding to their family, Regina insisted on buying a larger safer vehicle. Which meant the hulking Red SUV that was currently sitting in their driveway.

After tossing the last bag in Emma turned to look back at the house. She could hear Regina's voice carry through the open door, making her chuckle.

"MOTHER YOU DO NOT NEED THAT!" Regina yelled out.

Silence.

"BECAUSE THERE IS NO NEED FOR YOUR DAGGERS!" Regina yelled out again, causing Emma to laugh.

She ran up to the house and peered through the doorway.

Cora had gotten an apartment just down the road from Snow and Charmings new home, which was just down the road from their mansion. Meaning the in-laws could stop in at anytime.

Cora was standing in the foyer with a confused expression on her face.

"But what if I need them?" Cora asked haughtily.

"And why on earth would you need the daggers?" Regina asked calmly.

"You never know! I won't be able to use my magic outside of Storybrooke!" Cora defended making Regina throw her hands up in irritation.

"Cora you don't need the daggers now both of you please drop it before my wife drops to the floor from a brain hemorrhage." Emma interjected.

Regina gave a grateful smile before heading up the stairs to get Henry.

"You can take one." Emma said to Cora quietly, making the woman smile brightly before picking her favorite and putting it in her purse, magicking the others away.

"Where are your parents?" Cora asked curiously.

Now here's the thing, even though Snow and James had managed to forgive and move on with Regina, Cora was another matter. Cora was trying, really trying, to show them she had changed, and it was working, it was just a slow process because Cora was… well Cora.

"Okay we are set." Regina said as her and Henry descended the stairs, her purse in hand and his backpack on his back.

"Great, we just need my parents to show up." Emma muttered with some irritation.

"We're here!" Snow's voice called from outside, making the foursome exit the house.

"Let me help Dad." Emma said rushing over to her father to help speed the loading process up.

"Regina." Snow said with a smile as she leaned in and gave her daughter-in-law a quick hug.

They pulled back and Snow ruffled Henry's hair before her eyes fell on Cora.

"Cora."

"Snow."

The two women stared awkwardly at each other for a few moments.

"You don't have to hug." Regina said dryly before walking to the car to help her wife.

"Yes you do." Henry spoke up with a devious smirk.

The two women eyed him suspiciously before glancing at each other, tentatively moving closer before awkwardly hugging.

Cora gave Snow a gentle pat on the back and when they pulled away she offered her a small genuine smile, making the young woman smile back.

"See, that wasn't so bad!" Henry chimed happily before rushing to the car and hoping in, taking the last row.

"Baby you driving?" Emma asked coming around to where everyone was standing.

"Yes. Who's riding shotgun?" Regina asked curiously taking the keys from her wife.

"Ma come sit with me!" Henry called from the back, making Emma smile before looking apologetically at Regina.

"Good luck." Emma said with a laugh before kissing her wife softly and hopping in to join Henry.

Regina turned and eyed her mother and in-laws. Her eyes fixed on James.

"No." Regina said pointing to him.

"Why not?" James asked.

"Because you are a horrible co-pilot."

"She's right honey." Snow agreed.

"And not you either." Regina said to Snow making the woman give her a hurt look.

"How come?"

"Because you are constantly yelling at me, 'Regina watch out for that squirrel', 'Regina watch out for that bunny.' 'Regina watch out for that bird that is a hundred miles from the vehicle.'"

"She has a point mom, you're way too intense about animals."

"THEY HAVE FAMILIES!" Snow defended.

"Yes and so do I and I'm sure my wife would not be thrilled if I murdered her mother for getting on my case about my driving!" Regina retorted.

"Looks like it's me then." Cora said with a smile before jumping into the passenger side.

"This is going to be a long drive." Regina muttered before heading to the driver's side and Snow and Charming entered the vehicle.

Regina slid in and started the car, before backing out she looked to her mother.

"You'd better not touch my goddamn radio."

"Why?" Cora asked in confusion.

"No offense Nana but your taste in music sucks." Henry piped up with a giggle, making Cora smile at her grandson.

"I've gotten better!" Cora replied coolly as Regina backed out of the driveway.

"REGINA THERES A BUNNY!" Snow yelled suddenly causing Regina to slam on the brakes and everyone jerk forward.

She turned around in her seat and death glared Snow, purple swirls flowing in her eyes.

"Sorry." Snow muttered to Regina, who promptly turned around and continued backing out.

"Yell like that again and I will hit the animal." Regina said firmly, making Snow gasp but kept her mouth shut.

They started the drive and quickly passed over the Storybrooke line before Regina turned the radio on.

She turned up the volume when she heard Sweet Home Alabama come on by Lynyrd Skynyrd.

"Sweet home Alabama, where the skies are so blue, sweet home Alabama, lord I'm coming home to you."

The music flitted through the vehicle causing Emma to hum loudly along with the music, making Regina smile as she glanced in the rearview mirror.

"Isn't there anything else?" Cora asked eyeing the radio.

"As much as I love classical music mother, your taste in it is absolutely horrendous." Regina commented idly.

"Emma did you bring your ipod?" Cora asked glancing in the rearview mirror.

"Ahhh yeah." Emma handed her ipod forward to her dad who in turn gave it to Cora. She plugged the device in and skimmed through the songs, smirking when she saw a song.

She pressed play, immediately singing along.

"It's going down fade to Blackstreet  
The homeys got abby collab creations, Funk like acne  
No doubt I put it down never slouch  
As long as my credit could vouch  
A dog couldn't catch me, ass out  
Tell me who could stop with Dre makin' moves  
Attracting honeys like a magnet  
Giving them ear-gasms with my mellow accent  
Still moving his flavor with the homeys Blackstreet & Teddy  
The original rump shakers"

Regina's mouth dropped open, almost swerving off of the road as she heard her mother begin rapping to the song, complete with gestures.

Once the chorus hit she started waving her hands in the air.

"Hey yo hey yo hey yo hey yo  
(hey yo that girl looks good)  
Hey yo hey yo hey yo hey yo  
(play on play on player)  
Hey yo hey yo hey yo hey yo  
(you're my kind of girl)  
Hey yo hey yo hey yo hey yo"

Regina continued to drive but she knew that everyone else in the car had the same expressions.

Cora finished out the song before sighing happily and scrolled through Emma's playlist.

"Oh this is a good one!" Cora exclaimed happily before pressing play and belting.

"Hey hey, you you  
I know that you like me  
No way, no way  
You know it's not a secret  
Hey hey, you you  
I want to be your girlfriendYou're so fine  
I want you mine  
You're so delicious  
I think about you all the time  
You're so addictive  
Don't you know  
What I can do  
To make you feel alright  
( alright alright alright)Don't pretend  
I think you know  
I'm damn precious  
And hell yeah  
I'm the mother fucking princess  
I can tell you like me too  
And you know I'm right  
( I'm right I'm right I'm right)"

"Mother!" Regina cried out, surprised at her mother.

"What?! It's a good song!" Cora defended before scrolling again.

"Cora… you listened to these songs?" Snow asked surprised. James was still stunned to silence, and Emma had her mouth open in disbelief.

"Go Nana!" Henry called happily from the back, making Cora smile

"Yes, I may or may not have stolen Emma's ipod briefly… which I have to say dear, having a playlist entitled, 'Songs to fuck Regina to' is not tasteful."

Regina swerved the car at her mother's words.

"Ew gross." Henry piped up.

Emma didn't even bother to cover his ears; her mouth was flapping with an attempt to respond, to no avail.

"YOU HAVE A PLAYLIST?!" Regina yelled from the front.

"Emma!" Snow yelled disapprovingly before turning and facing her daughter.

"I did not need to know that." James said.

"I know you and my daughter enjoy the occasional romp, but would it hurt to make love to her?" Cora asked unashamed from the front.

Before Cora finished her sentence Regina threw Emma pair of sound proof headphones from her purse, indicating they be put on Henry, which she did just before Cora said 'romp'.

"Hey!" Henry cried out but Emma glared down at him.

"We do make love!" Emma defended from the back.

"I so do not need to hear this." James muttered.

"Regina?" Cora asked, waiting her daughter's input.

One thing about Cora, she was not shy about sex… Regina wasn't either by any means, but she saved that sort of thing for the bedroom, not for in front of her mother and in-laws.

"Yes mother we make love, with the occasional romp." Regina commented, a blush creeping up her face.

"Thank god I didn't want my daughter treating you like a sex toy." Snow chimed in, making everyone turn and look at her.

Cora turned around and gave Snow an approving look.

"This is the most awkward car ride ever." Emma whined.

"Tell me about it." James agreed.

"Mother are you done analyzing myself and Emma's sex life?" Regina asked, the blush still on her face but her voice held strong.

"Yes… for now. Let's play something from that play list." Cora said with glee.

"Yes please do, I want to hear what filth my daughter is listening to." Snow agreed.

"YOU JUST SAID SEX TOY WITHOUT BLUSHING AND YOU'RE CALLING MY MUSIC FILTH?!" Emma yelled outraged.

Henry sat in the back, his eyes watching the adults who were clearly yelling, but he was unable to hear what they were saying, so instead he pulled out his ipod before plugging the headphones in. Might as well listen to something.

"Oh this is a good one." Cora smirked and hit play and began to sing.

Come and put your name on it  
Put your name on it  
Come and put your name on it  
Your name  
Bet you wanna put your name on it  
Put your name on it  
Come and put your name on it  
Ba-ba-baby

"It's not even my birthday, but he wanna lick the icing off, I know you want it in the worst way," Cora sang happily, "Can't wait to blow my candles out, he want that cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake," Cora started to dance along with the song.

"(Bet you wanna put your name on it)" She added in a deeper voice, before continuing.

"Ooh baby, I like it, you so excited, don't try to hide it, imma make you my bitch" Regina looked horrified as her mother sang the lyrics.

"Really Emma?! Birthday Cake!" Regina yelled over the music and her mother's singing.

Emma smiled sheepishly before joining in with Cora. Eyeing Regina up front while she sang.

"Girl I wanna fuck you right now, been a long time I been missing yo body" Emma pointed up front to Regina, "lemme lemme turn the lights down, when I wanna go down it's a private party oohh." She caught Regina's eye in the mirror and winked.

"And it's not even her birthday, but I wanna lick the icing off, give it to her in the worst way, can't wait to blow her candles out, I want that-"

Emma and Cora took a breath before singing the chorus together

"Cake, cake, cake, cake,  
Cake, cake, cake, cake,  
Cake, cake, cake, cake,  
Cake, cake, cake, cake,

Ooh baby, I like it,  
You so excited,  
Don't try to hide it,  
Imma make you my bitch,"

Regina felt her face grow hot and she'd be lying if she denied she wasn't thinking about being bent over the couch while Emma was busy fucking her however she wanted. She'd be a rotten liar.

Regina swallowed thickly before Cora hit the pause button, stopping the music.

"We need to change the song, Regina's got a- what's the expression, 'a lady boner?'" Cora asked with confusion, causing Regina to swerve the car once more.

"BUNNY RABBIT!" Snow yelled out suddenly, making Regina swerve the car again in the other direction.

"DAMNIT SNOW!" The group cried out as they got back on the road.

"Regina do you have another set of those headphones?" James asked, he about had enough of learning about his daughter's sex life to last a lifetime.

"As a matter of fact I do." Regina pulled another pair from her purse and handed them to James.

James sighed happily as the noise in the car was drowned out.

"Okay something new." Cora said.

"Please do not pick anything else from that playlist." Regina pleaded to her mother.

With an eye roll and a sigh Cora agreed, skimming through more songs.

"Oh this one will be good!" Cora exclaimed, hitting play.

"Jump out your car in the middle of the street  
Open up the truck let the base beat  
Go ahead, go ahead,  
You gotta walk up in the club bear-footed  
I like that booty you know where to put it  
Go ahead, go ahead.

Now mamma you look so professional I'm followin' you sweatin' you  
I can't believe I'm doing what I'm doing  
What is wrong with my head go ahead  
'Cause baby I like how you're working it  
And watching you, you twarkin' it  
I'm trying get you out of this club and get you off in my bed  
Ohh, go ahead, yeah."

Emma laughed as Cora sang through the song and Snow joined in shortly after. An amused smirk graced Regina's lips as she watched Cora dance as best she could in the seat. Snow in the back singing back up.

"Now let me see the booty work, booty work,  
Booty work, boo booty work,  
Booty work, booty work, boo boo boo booty work,  
Go ahead, go ahead,  
Now let me see the booty work, booty work,  
Booty work, boo booty work.  
Left cheek, right cheek, left cheek, right cheek."

Cora continued singing and dancing, lifting her butt up off of the seat whenever the left cheek right cheek part came up.

By this point Regina was laughing hysterically as she glanced at Cora out of the corner of her eye.

"Such an entertaining brand of music." Cora commented pausing the song. She began sifting through more of the songs.

"I had no idea you would even like this stuff Cora." Emma commented from the back.

"I admit I was surprised at first when I listened to some of the music on it." Cora said turning around to look at Emma.

"I never knew you were this much fun Cora." Snow said with a laugh, seeing the woman in a whole new light.

"Yeah she got that stick out of her ass." Emma commented, making Cora quirk an eyebrow and Snow suppress a laugh, "What it's true!"

"I think my daughter could take some lessons from me." Cora added, looking to her daughter pointedly.

"I beg your pardon! I am perfectly fun." Regina commented stiffly.

"Baby I love you but you are sort of tightly wound… in public that is." Emma said slyly.

"She isn't like this in the sack?" Cora asked surprised.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled out, making the three other women laugh.

"No she's wild." Emma said seriously.

"Oh Emma I don't need to hear that." Snow whined.

"I'm surprised." Cora answered Emma, looking to her daughter who was currently blushing.

"Oh yeah, dirty talk, dominating, the whole nine yards."

"EMMA!" Regina scolded, her face as bright as an apple.

"IT'S TRUE!"

"NO SEX FOR A WEEK!" Regina yelled out, Cora and Emma both gasped.

Regina looked back at Emma through the mirror and smirked, pleased with herself.

"But, but, but…" Emma trailed off with a pout.

"That was rude." Cora said.

"Well she needs to not spew details of our sex life." Regina defended.

"I'm sorry." Emma said in a small voice from the back.

Regina didn't want to look in the mirror; she knew she'd see a pout and puppy eyes and she would give immediately.

"Gina." Emma tried again.

"Now you're just being mean." Cora commented, looking back and forth between Emma and Regina.

"Babyyyyyyy." Emma whined.

Regina finally glanced, groaning when she saw the adorable look.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean what I said." Regina apologized, turning her eyes back to the road.

"Tell her you love her." Cora added.

"I love you." Regina said sincerely, her gaze holding Emma's in the mirror.

"I love you too." Emma replied happily, "What else you got playing Cora."

"Well I want my daughter to have some fun with this one." Cora said with a smile looking to Regina and hitting play.

"They see me rollin  
They hatin  
Patrolling they tryin to catch me ridin dirty  
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty  
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty  
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty  
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty  
My music so loud  
I'm swangin  
They hopin that they gon catch me ridin dirty  
Tryin to catch me ridin dirty"

Regina smirked and to prove a point she slouched her posture in the seat and leaned her arm over the steering wheel, gripping the wheel and driving with one hand while singing the song.

Cora let out a delighted laugh at seeing Regina goof off; Emma seemed quite pleased as well. Snow sifted through one of her bags pulling out a baseball cap and slapping it on Regina's head, off to the side of course.

Regina just went with it. She knew she looked absurd but it made Emma happy, and that was good enough for her.

Cora grabbed the other hat that was offered and put hers on in the same manner. Mother and daughter in the car, hats tipped to the side blasting Riding Dirty.

Cora grabbed one of Regina's pairs of sunglasses and slipped them on, handing the other pair to Regina.

Emma couldn't help herself, she handed her phone to Snow who maneuvered the best she could to get pictures of the two women.

Laughing when she saw the pictures and handing it to Emma.

The song died down and Cora removed her hat.

"Are there anymore songs like that that you plan on playing? Because if so I am leaving the hat on." Regina said with a laugh.

"I would but it appears we are here dear." Cora commented with a smile.

Emma's eyebrows raised in surprise, that car ride went much faster than she thought.

"We'll have to travel like that more often." Regina commented, taking her eyes off of the road for just a minute.

"SQUIRREL!" Snow shrieked out.

Regina swerved the vehicle for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

"DAMNIT SNOW!"


	2. Don't Leave Cora In The House Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title says it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Disclaimer in Chapter 1.

"Follow me, I'll get you settled in." Regina said to her mother as they walked into the house and up the stairs. "There's a spare room here that you can occupy."

"Thank you darling." Cora said sincerely, "I really do want to be a better mother to you and I am so glad you're willing to give me the chance."

"Just don't disappoint me." Regina said seriously, her eyes conveying vulnerability before returning to normal, "The bathroom is just down here."

Regina led them back out of the room and towards the bathroom. Cora's eyes widened when she looked inside.

"What is that?" She asked pointing towards the toilet.

"That is our toilet."

"But it's…" Cora trailed off confused.

"Not a hole in a ply of wood?" Regina asked with a smirk.

"Yes." Cora said in amazement, "How does it work?"

"You lift the lid, do your business and then push this lever here. And please, do put the lid back down when you're done." Regina said to her mother before exiting the bathroom, allowing her mother to tend to her business.

"Honey I'm home!" Emma's voice called from downstairs, causing Regina to rush down.

Cora stared at the contraption with some hesitation before the need to pee became too great. She gingerly lifted the lid and examined the inside.

"Interesting." She mumbled before pulling her pants down and taking a seat.

"Welcome home dear." Regina said with a bright smile. Sure the blonde had been living with her for the past six months, but she still loved seeing her.

Emma smiled back and swooped Regina up for a kiss.

"Now what." Cora said to herself as she stood examining the toilet. Finally remembering her daughter saying something about a lever.

She tentatively pressed down on the lever, causing the water to swirl in the toilet and flush.

Of course, being Cora and not used to such a thing, she freaked out.

"FIEND!" Cora cried out, waving her hand out in defense and causing the whole thing to explode, water going everywhere in the bathroom.

"DAMNIT!" Cora yelled out as the water hit her, knocking her into the sink and making her freak out again, destroying the sink.

"Mother?!" Regina's voice called out in concern, quickly ripping the door open to find a very soaked Cora sitting in the middle of her flooded bathroom floor.

"You have GOT to be fucking kidding me." Regina muttered angrily as she looked about her bathroom, "LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY BATHROOM!" Regina yelled.

Emma just stood behind her and suppressed a laugh at Cora's disposition. She looked like a little kid sitting in the puddles of water that were increasing by the minute.

Regina waved a hand, making the water disappear. Another wave and she had a brand new toilet and sink.

"You've been in my home for ten minutes and you managed to destroy two things already." Regina scolded before walking away in a huff.

"Come on Mom." Emma teased before helping the drenched woman up. I would suggest a shower, think you can manage not breaking it?"

Cora mumbled something under her breath before nodding.

Emma got Cora a change of clothes and showed her how to work the shower, leaving her a towel and necessities before heading to find Regina.

While Cora showered Emma found Regina in their room, angrily reorganizing her drawers.

"Baby it was just a toilet and a sink, which you replaced. This is a strange world to her. You need to be patient." Emma said softly, taking the brunette in her arms.

"I know. It's just frustrating." Regina admitted, relaxing into the embrace. They stayed like that for a while until they heard a knock on their door.

After they called a 'come in', Cora entered the room tentatively, walking over to her daughter and giving her a hug before hugging Emma, bidding them both a goodnight.

The next morning- Friday

Cora made her way downstairs, finding her daughter just getting ready to head out the door for work.

"While I'm gone mother, please try not to break anything." Regina chided, giving her mother a smile and a quick hug before leaving.

Cora wandered aimlessly around the house, looking at different items before walking into the den, her eyes settling on a black box with a shiny front.

She sat down in front of the box pressing a button on the front, flying backwards when an image came on the screen.

She had to suppress the urge to blow it up, not wanting to piss her daughter off more.

"What the hell is that?" Cora asked eyeing the glowing box. Her eyes fell on a rectangular object with buttons, picking it up she pressed a few, making the channel change.

"Oh this is new." Cora said with glee as she continued to flip through the stations, coming across cartoons and some music, her eyes stopping when she hit a certain channel.

Her eyes widened as she suddenly realized what she was watching.

"This thing shows people having sex! This is hardly appropriate." She said to herself, her head cocking to the side, "I've never seen that done before."

"Hey Cora you down-AHHHHHHHHH" Emma yelped out shielding her eyes as she saw what Cora was watching.

"This shows people having sex! This is not appropriate!" Cora called out to Emma, her eyes still glued on the TV.

"Yeah that's because you're on the porn channel!" Emma said as she sat next to Cora and took the remote, "We had that child locked so Henry wouldn't see it, how'd you break it?"

"I just pressed some buttons, I think I'm hardly the expert here." Cora paused, "They actually show that?"

"Yeah… on the porn channel."

"What's porn?"

"You didn't have porn in your world?"

"What is porn?"

"It's people having sex on film."

"Oh."

"This is awkward."

"Indeed."

"Watch something else." Emma said flicking the station to something else not as graphic, before leaving the room.

Cora nodded and her eyes glued back to the TV, watching some show called Tosh.O.

A video clip played.

"Don't make me snap my fingers in a Z formation, hip rotation booty sensation, elbow elbow, wrist wrist, double double, kiss kiss."

"This is strange." Cora commented as she watched the child snap her fingers.

Another video came on the screen, causing Cora to immediately turn it up.

"Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe."

"This music is most uplifting." She said to herself before catching on to the lyrics and singing along.

Emma heard the noise from the kitchen and walked to the den, smirking when she saw Cora dancing in the room singing along to Call Me Maybe.

"Hey I just met you and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe, it's hard to look right, at you baby, but here's my number, so call me maybe!" Cora sang enthusiastically before taking her seat on the couch once more.

"Having fun?" Emma asked from the doorway making Cora jump up and fling her hand out, destroying Regina's bookshelf.

"DAMNIT!" Cora yelled as she eyed the broken shelf.

"Regina is gonna kill me." Emma said sadly as she looked at the books.

"I can fix that." Cora said pointing at the bookcase, waving her hand quickly as it repaired itself and the books returned to it.

"Can you fix everything like that?"

"No, not unless I'm familiar with it." Cora answered.

"How about some breakfast then?" Emma asked as Cora followed her from the room, leading her back to the kitchen.

"Breakfast sounds good." Cora commented as she followed Emma, watching her make some eggs and put some bread in a strange contraption.

"Hope eggs and toast is okay."

"What is that?" Cora asked pointing to the stove.

"It's a stove."

"It's different than what I've seen."

"It's modern, not stone age." Emma smirked making Cora scowl before walking to the toaster.

"What is this?"

"That's a toaster oven, it toasts bread."

Cora eyed is suspiciously, peeking into the toaster and getting a little too close.

The toast popped, flying up and hitting her square in the face.

"FUCK!" Cora screeched before flinging her hand out and causing the toaster to hit the far wall.

"DAMNIT CORA!" Emma yelled, grumbling as she finished the eggs and made her way to the broken toaster, "Regina is totally going to murder me."

"I can't fix that." Cora commented.

"UGHHHHHHHHHH" Emma groaned out, setting the toaster on the counter, Regina would just have to fix it when she got back.

Emma sat the eggs in front of Cora and grumpily dug into hers. She groaned loudly when her phone rang.

"Sheriff Swan." Emma answered, "Okay I'll be right there."

"Trouble in town?" Cora asked.

"Yeah. Just Leroy causing problems, he's still drunk from last night." Emma explained, "I'm going to go, please please do not touch anything you aren't familiar with."

"Okay mom." Cora replied with a scowl. Emma merely rolled her eyes before leaving.

Cora looked around the room wondering what she should do. Emma did say to stay away from things she didn't understand. But when did Cora Mills ever listen to anyone?

Cora headed into the kitchen and started rummaging through the cupboards, looking for ingredients to use to make a pie. She did enjoy baking… but she hadn't baked in close to 50 years.

She managed to find what she needed before she set out on her task, quickly making the pie and leaving a huge mess in Regina's kitchen.

"How to bake it." Cora mumbled, looking to the stove. She eyed the knobs wearily before turning the one switch to 'ON', followed by another that she put at 700.

"I think that's right." Cora mumbled again, sure that the 700 represented some sort of time.

She smiled pleased with herself and eyed the messy kitchen.

"I'll clean it later." She said with a chuckle before leaving the kitchen and heading upstairs.

She paused in front of Regina and Emma's bedroom, curious to see what the room looked like, before entering.

She eyed the room with a smile, it was very homey and very Regina, clothes littered in one section of the room, which she assumed was Emma's doing.

Cora walked about the room, stopping in front of a sliding door, moving it and smiling when she saw the walk in closet.

"Very nice dear." Cora commented as she looked through the closet, seeing one side belonged to Regina and the other to Emma.

She exited the closet before walking over to the nightstand, pulling out a drawer and her eyes widening.

"What is this?" She asked herself as she pulled an object from the drawer by the strap it was attached to.

"Oh gods." Cora muttered as she looked at the penis replica object. It was purple and attached to a black harness.

"What on earth?" Cora asked as she examined it. Tentatively stepping into the strap on and pulling it up to her hips, fastening the belt she looked at herself in the mirror.

"What the fuck are they doing?" She eyed the object on her hips and wiggled her hips back and forth, watching it move with her. She let out a chuckle before removing the harness.

She peeked back in the drawer and pulled out a couple pairs of handcuffs.

"You kinky bitches."

She eyed the drawer again, pulling out bottles of lube, one in particular catching her eye.

"Apples. No doubt who's that is." Cora muttered before pulling out another penis shaped object, one without a harness, but heavier than the other.

There was a button on it and she pressed it. Shrieking as the object began to vibrate in her hand.

She threw it into the air and watched it land on the floor with a thud, vibrating and moving across the floor with force.

"What sort of magic is this!" Cora cried out, searching for the offending object but not finding it.

Suddenly the smell of something burning hit her nose.

"Oh fuck." Cora ran from the bedroom in a bolt, heading straight for the kitchen,

"DAMNIT!" Smoke was billowing from the stove and she hastily threw the door open and began wafting away the smoke before grabbing a potholder and pulling the burnt pie out.

She clicked the knobs back to how they were prior to her baking disaster, never hearing the front door open.

A few minutes ago

Regina realized that she had forgotten a stack of paper on her desk at the house and was heading back to get them when she saw Emma heading back.

"YOU LEFT HER ALONE IN THE HOUSE!?" Regina yelled in the middle of the street, drawing the eyes of some of the citizens.

"Leroy was being indecent I couldn't let him roam around, not after he flashed Belle the other day." Emma defended, "She promised she would behave!"

"EMMA THIS IS MY MOTHER!" Regina yelled again, throwing her hands up in the air and stalking towards the mansion, not far away.

"I'm sure she is fine!" Emma tried to reassure. The mansion was still standing so that was a good sign.

The headed up the sidewalk and quickly opened the door.

"I smell smoke." Regina commented quickly before rushing up the stairs to check.

Emma ran to the kitchen, stopping dead in her tracks when she saw a disheveled Cora, holding a burnt pie in her hands.

They stared at each other for a moment before Cora held up the pie.

"I made a pie." Cora said softly with a smile.

"MOTHER!" Regina screamed from upstairs, in a poof she was in the kitchen, the smoke dissipating from around her as she held up the strap on.

"I can explain that."

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY KITCHEN!"

"I made a pie."

"You-yo-I-pie?!" Regina was fuming her grip tightening on the strap on.

"Baby you're gonna hurt Swan." Emma said as she pried the toy from Regina's grasp.

"Swan?" Cora asked amused, "You named it Swan?"

"NOT NOW EMMA!" Regina yelled again, eyeing the burnt pie and then the rest of her kitchen.

Regina felt the magic crackle around her.

"I am going to go back upstairs and clean up the mess you made going through our drawers. You and Emma will stay down here and clean up this mess." Regina said through gritted teeth before swiping Swan from Emma and leaving the room tossing the toy away from her in the hallway.

"I'm sorry if I ruined your chances of getting laid tonight." Cora said sincerely.

"It's alright." Emma sighed as she eyed the kitchen, "You went through our sex drawer?"

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" They heard Regina scream. Cora suddenly remembered the vibrator she couldn't find and gave Emma a sheepish smile.

"You two are kinky aren't you?" Cora asked with an amused smile.

"Wha-I-no-we-"

"Save it dear, I saw the handcuffs, and the lube… and the toys." Cora said with a sly smile before beginning to clean up the kitchen with magic.

Emma blushed furiously and she felt a change in the air, immediately knowing it was Regina.

"YOU RIPPED APART OUR DRAWER!" Regina yelled in the kitchen.

"I was curious."

"I found Regal under the bed, vibrating away!"

"Regal?" Cora asked with a raised eyebrow, making Regina's face flush.

"Don't change the subject!"

"You have a toy named Swan and the other is Regal?"

"What we name our toys is up to us!" Regina squeaked out.

"Mom! Emma!" They heard Henry call from outside the room, Regina quickly magicking the vibrator away.

"In here dear!" Regina called out.

Henry entered the room, a confused look on his face.

The three women turned to look at the boy, their eyes widening.

"Mom what is this?" Henry asked, holding up Swan by the strap, clearly confused.

"Neck massager, go upstairs." Regina said quickly as Emma grabbed the toy.

"But-"

"NOW!" Emma and Regina yelled.

Once Henry was out of sight they turned around to face Cora, yelling in unison.

"DAMNIT CORA!"


	3. Cora VS The Microwave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter mainly centers around Cora and Henry. With of course SwanQueen.

It's been approximately two months since Cora Mills had moved in with her daughter and her girlfriend. Since then Cora had become accustomed to the majority of the household appliances, aside from a few incidents with a blender that had almost taken a finger off when she was examining it while on.

Regina had finally come around enough to entrust her with babysitting duty, which Snow and James had usually taken up. But Cora was adamant about spending more quality time with her grandson, even if it meant babysitting duty whenever Regina and Emma wanted a night to go out to dinner.

"Nana? What's for dinner?" Henry asked bounding down the stairs where he saw his grandmother in the hallway looking at her reflection in the mirror.

"What would you like for dinner?" Cora asked Henry with a smile, leading him into the kitchen.

"Ummmm how about hot dogs?" Henry said with a smile.

Cora merely crinkled her eyebrows.

"Hot dogs?"

Henry nodded.

"YOUR MOTHER ALLOWS YOU TO EAT DOGS?! Snow would not be happy with that information." Cora said seriously, making Henry giggle.

"No Nana, they're not made from dogs. That's just what they're called."

"If you say so… What do I do with these, hot dogs?"

"Mom usually puts them on the grill."

Cora visibly paled at the mention of the grill

Cora eyed the stainless steel machine wearily, unsure of how to turn the beast on.

Her eyes flickered to the knobs and the propane tank attached and her eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

"Okay I think I release the knob on this here." She mumbled to herself as she twisted the knob on the tank, expelling the gas. Cora twisted the knob completely loose, smiling with satisfaction as she heard the hiss of the gas.

"Now I light it." She mumbled in confirmation before pulling out a pack of matches, quickly lighting one and throwing it on the grill.

Flames burst into the air, engulfing the grill… of course Cora panicked.

She threw her arms out quickly, throwing the grill away from herself as it barreled towards Regina's apple tree.

"Oh fuck." She muttered as she watched the grill hit the tree, completely setting it ablaze.

"NANA IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?!" Henry yelled when he heard the explosion, rushing out to the yard, his eyes widening when he saw his mother's tree on fire.

"GODDAMNIT!" Cora yelled as she quickly ran towards the tree, waving her arms frantically and expelling magic to extinguish the fire.

A blackened tree stood in the middle of the yard.

"Mom is gonna be sooooo mad." Henry said as he stood next to his grandmother.

"Don't tell your mother." Cora said to Henry, about to wave her hand over the tree to repair the damage.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY TREE?!" She heard the scream from behind and turned to see a very pissed Regina rushing towards them, tears in her eyes as she looked over the tree.

"What did you do to my grill?!" Emma yelled as she rushed over to the poor appliance. "Shhhh it's okay baby, mommy has you."

"EMMA IT'S A FUCKING GRILL!" Regina screeched, tears in her eyes as she looked at her poor tree.

"I can fix that." Cora said and quickly waved her hand, making the tree good as new.

"Regina fix my baby!" Emma called sadly, her eyes on her loyal grill.

Regina just mumbled before fixing the grill and restoring it to its former glory.

"There all better baby." Emma cooed as she lugged the grill back towards the house.

"I would prefer to avoid the grill at all costs." Cora said to Henry as she let go of the memory.

Henry gave an enthusiastic nod as he remembered the incident as well. Mom was not thrilled.

"You could make them in the microwave." Henry suggested.

Cora nodded and looked over to this… microwave. This was the only other household appliance she hadn't used yet, but she felt confident that with her grandson there she would make it work.

"Actually how about some hot chocolate first?" Henry suggested, thinking that hot chocolate would be an easier way to help Cora master the microwave.

"How do I make it?"

Henry went about pulling the ingredients out.

"First you put milk in the mug and then heat it, then you add the chocolate mix and mix it together, mom usually sticks it back in to heat it some more before she puts the topping on. I'm feeling marshmallows tonight." Henry finished with a smile.

"How does the contraption work?" Cora asked her grandson, following him to the microwave as he showed her what buttons to push.

The phone rang suddenly and Henry rushed from the room to answer it.

"Oh hey Jake." Henry answered before calling to his Nana, "Nana it's my friend Jake, think you can manage?"

"I'll be fine dear!" Cora called back, eyeing the ingredients before following Henry's instructions.

She sat the mug inside the microwave and shut the door, pressing the buttons and watching the machine light up and begin heating the milk.

She remembered Regina's advice.

"Mother whenever you use something please do it calmly and give it a moment, I've had enough of you breaking things in my house just because they scare you."

Cora grumbled at the memory and watched the mug spin inside the microwave.

"That wasn't very hard." Cora smirked to herself as the machine beeped and she removed the mug, quickly stirring the mix in before eyeing the marshmallows.

"Did Henry say to put them in before or after…" She trailed off as she tried to remember but shrugged, tossing a handful of marshmallows inside the mug. With a smile she put the mug back into the microwave and pressed the buttons, smiling in satisfaction.

She moved to the fridge and began rummaging for these 'hot dogs' when she heard a sudden pop.

Her head shot up but she didn't look away from the fridge.

Another pop.

"Uh Oh." Cora mumbled before turning her head slowly to look at the microwave, a white froth coating the front of the microwaves window.

"GODDAMNIT!" Cora yelled out, wrenching the door to the appliance open, stopping the heat.

She eyed the damage. Marshmallows were sloppily coating the inside of the microwave, drying quickly and sticking to the surface.

"Nana is everything-." Henry stopped when he saw the damage. "Oh boy."

"I can-"

"Fix that, I know Nana." Henry said with a sigh as he eyed the damage. "We can clean it after making hot dogs… just in case."

Cora nodded in agreement before gingerly handing Henry the mug of half exploded hot chocolate.

"Thanks." Henry said with a giggle as he grabbed the mug and took a swig, "Not bad."

Cora beamed and grabbed the packet of hotdogs.

"I'll figure this out, go enjoy your hot chocolate." She told Henry, he looked at her wearily for a moment before exiting the room.

Cora thought back to how they usually made things on the grill, she always noticed the shiny foil that Emma used and began rummaging through cabinets to find some.

"Ah ha!" Cora yelled happily, pulling out the box and ripping a small sheet of foil off, she placed it on the counter and sat four hot dogs down on the foil, wrapping them some to make them fit, before setting the foil in the microwave.

She examined the pack of hot dogs, looking for a time limit. She punched in 5 minutes on the microwave, smiling to herself in success as the tray began to rotate.

She turned her back for a second and heard a crackle, twisting around quickly and catching sight of the sparks flying within the microwave.

The foil caught fire suddenly as it continued to crackle.

"DEVIL!" Cora shrieked, forgetting Regina's advice; she flung her hand out, making the appliance explode, the door hanging on it's hinges and the aluminum foil still giving off occasional sparks and smoke.

"What happened!" Henry called running into the kitchen, looking at the destroyed microwave.

His eyes fell on the aluminum foil and he groaned.

"Nana you can't put aluminum foil in the microwave!" Henry scolded, looking to his grandmother.

"You didn't tell me that!"

"I thought you knew!"

"I have only been here for 2 months Henry!" Cora argued.

"Mom is gonna be mad." Henry sighed.

"At least the marshmallow mess is gone." Cora commented, making Henry raise an eyebrow, reminding her of Regina.

"Henry, mother, we're home!" Regina called happily, walking into the dining room and then the kitchen, her and Emma hand in hand and staring lovingly at each other.

"I hope you two had a good-" Emma's voice died in her throat as she saw the kitchen and the microwave. "Fuck."

She glanced worriedly at Regina, who was currently standing stock still, mouth agape as she looked at the microwave.

She closed her mouth and calmly straightened her posture, clearing her throat, she began,

"I am not dealing with this shit right now." She turned swiftly on her heel and walked from the room.

"THIS IS RIDICULOUS!" They heard her yell as the door to the den slammed shut.

Emma stared at her son and then to Cora, then to the microwave.

"I'm just gonna go buy a new microwave." Emma mumbled before exiting the house.

Henry carefully pulled out the aluminum foil and opened it, smiling when he saw the hot dogs done just right. He grabbed some buns and toppings before fixing them up for himself and his nana.

"Here you go." He said with a smile as he handed her a hot dog.

Cora smiled as she took a bite.

Totally worth it.


	4. Cora and The Death Trap

Emma stared blankly at the woman in front of her, attempting to process the words that she just said.

"You want me to… what?" Emma asked dumbfounded.

"I want to learn how to drive that strange carriage you call a 'car' from you." Cora said again firmly.

"Why?" Emma asked completely confused.

"Because I can't keep poofing around town, it's freaking people out." Cora said sadly.

She remembered just yesterday when she poofed into Granny's and was almost shot with her crossbow.

"Why do you want me to teach you?"

"Because Regina sure as hell won't." Cora said bitterly.

"Have you asked her?" Emma asked seriously.

\-------Flashback--------

"Regina, will you teach me how to drive?" Cora asked sweetly.

"Absolutely not mother."

"Whyyyyyyyy." Cora whined.

"Because you have consistently blown everything else of mine up, the last thing I need is you blowing up my Benz." Regina replied coolly, her eyes trained on her mother.

"But Reginnnaaaaaaa." Cora whined again.

"NO!" Regina said firmly again.

"Pleasseeeeee." Cora pouted. Regina stared at her mother for a few minutes, taking in that sickeningly sweet look.

"Why are you pouting?" Regina asked examining the look.

"Because it works when Emma does it."

"Emma taught you how to pout?" Regina asked, raising an eyebrow.

"She said it's full proof." Cora explained.

"First Henry, now you…" Regina let out a sigh as Cora stuck out her bottom lip once more.

"Fine." Regina caved, grabbing her keys and leading her mother outside to the car. "Get in." She said pointing to the driver's side while she sat in the passenger's side.

Cora excitedly hopped into the car, her hands going to the steering wheel and playfully rocking the wheel back and forth,

"Vrooom Vrooom." Cora said happily as her daughter sat next to her with a raised eyebrow.

"Yep, not happening." Regina said taking the keys and exiting the vehicle.

Cora sat in the car, pouting, her hands still on the wheel.

"Vroom vroom." She said sadly.

\----------Present----------

"No." Cora answered, lying to Emma of course, but she didn't need to know that.

Emma let out a sigh.

"Fine. But we are taking the bug, Regina would shit if we took the Benz." Emma said grabbing her keys.

"You really expect me to drive that thing." Cora said with disgust as they approached her bug.

"WHAT IS WITH THIS FAMILY HATING ON MY BEAUTIFUL BABY!" Emma yelled in frustration, running to her car and rubbing a soothing hand on the side, "Shhhh baby it's all okay, mommy's here and she won't let anyone say anything mean about you."

"Oh for god's sake get in the car." Cora said with an eye roll, making a grab for the keys.

"Nope! I am driving to the school parking lot and there I will teach you how to drive." Emma said firmly.

Cora rolled her eyes but got in the car nonetheless.

"Hey Emma where you heading?" Her mother's voice flitted through the air causing the blonde to turn.

"Cora wants me to teach her how to drive." Emma said with a smirk.

"Mind if I tag along?" Snow asked hopefully, she wanted to spend time with her daughter, even if that meant sharing her with Cora.

"Of course, hop on in." Emma said with a smile as they entered the car.

"Hello Snow." Cora said curtly.

"Cora."

The drive to the school was quick and once Emma parked the car and shut it off she stepped out, Cora following.

"Alright, go ahead and get in the driver's side." Emma instructed, sitting in the passenger side while Cora slid in the drivers.

Cora placed her hands on the wheel and smiled.

"Vroom Vroom."

Emma just stared at Cora while she stared and smiled back, an un-amused expression on Emma's face.

"Okay do that again and we are done." Emma said seriously, watching Cora's face fall.

"Regina didn't like it either." Cora commented.

"What-?"

"What?" Cora asked quickly, realizing her mistake. Emma glared at her suspiciously before telling her what to do.

"Okay first start the car by turning the keys. Good. Now I want you to put your foot on the brake, that's the left pedal, good. Now you have to shift the car into Drive. Keep your foot on the brake." Emma instructed, watching Cora's moves.

"Now what?"

"Okay it's in Drive, now take your foot off of the brake." Cora did and the car started to slowly move forward.

"What is it doing why are we moving what is going on?" Cora asked frantically as the car inched forward.

"It's okay Cora." Snow said encouragingly.

"Cora just put your foot on the gas and give it a little it's alright. The right pedal."

Cora pressed down on the gas a little, making the car speed up to only 5 mph.

"WHAT IS THIS MAGIC WHAT IS HAPPENING OH GOD WHAT DO I DO!?"

"Cora just relax this is what its supposed to-."

"WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO GO THIS FAST!"

"Cora calm the fuck down!"

"WHAT DO I DO!"

"CALM THE FUCK DOWN WOMAN!" Emma yelled out as Cora continued to freak out as they moved at a leisurely pace.

"LET ME OUT OF THIS DEATH TRAP!"

Emma rolled her eyes before slouching back in the seat, hitting her head off of the side of the window as Cora continued to flip out while going 5 mph.

"EMMA HOW DO I STOP THIS MACHINE!"

"Put your foot on the brake." Emma said irritably.

"BRAKE?! WHAT IS A BRAKE!?" Cora shouted out, her eyes on the lot in front of them.

"BUNNY RABBIT!" Snow shrieked from the back, making Cora's eyes widen.

"EMMA I MUST STOP THIS VEHICLE!"

"CORA STOP THE CAR YOU'LL HIT THE BUNNY!"

"I KNOW SNOW!"

"STOP THE CAR!"

"I CAN'T" Cora yelled as she watched them inch closer to the rabbit.

"You've gotta be kidding me." Emma mumbled, busting out into a laugh as she watched her mother freak out over a rabbit that was at least 50 yards away, while Cora continued to flip about the speed of the car.

"Brake Cora." Emma said between laughs.

"BRAKE GOT IT BRAKE!" Cora yelled as she hit a pedal, sending the car flying forward.

"THAT WASN'T THE BRAKE!"

"CORA BUNNY RABBIT!"

The car shot out in speed, taking off to 25 mph and approaching the bunny at a fast pace.

"CORA!" Snow screamed from the back in fear. At the last second Cora swerved the wheel avoiding the rabbit.

"HOW DO I STOP THE CAR!"

"The brake Cora." Emma said again in irritation.

"CORA THERE IS A SQUIRREL!"

"I CAN'T STOP!"

"CORA!"

*thump*

"COOORRAAAAA NOOOOOOOOOO IT HAD A FAMILLYYYYYYY!" Snow cried from the back, tears springing into her eyes.

The continued to move forward and by this point Emma just rolled her eyes again.

"Cora stop the damn car already."

"I CAN'T!" Cora yelled out.

"PRESS THE LEFT PEDAL!" Emma yelled out, causing Cora to finally come to and slam on the brake, making the car come to a sudden stop.

Emma quickly put the bug in park and watched as Snow hopped from the car and rushed to the squirrel.

"I just ran over one of Snow's woodland friends." Cora said in shock.

"She has plenty." Emma huffed out.

"IT'S ALIVE!" Snow called out happily, picking up the creature and running back to the car, hopping in. "It just has a broken paw!"

"Mom get that thing out of my car it probably has a disease." Emma said with disgust as she eyed the creature.

"Emma it has a family it needs to get back to!" Snow said with a said pout.

"I'm not healing that." Cora said firmly.

"YOU'RE THE REASON IT HAS A BROKEN PAW!"

"IT'S A FUCKING SQUIRREL SNOW!"

"FAMILY CORA, FAMILY!" Snow yelled angrily shoving the squirrel in Cora's face.

"If Regina broke her hand would you fix it?!" Snow demanded.

Cora merely rolled her eyes and nodded.

"That's different, Regina isn't a filthy squirrel." Cora answered.

"I don't know about that filthy part." Emma said aloud with a smug smirk. Blushing when she realized she had.

"I'm going to ignore that." Snow said before turning back to Cora.

"I am not touching that."

"Alright come on, I'm driving us home." Emma said as she exited the vehicle, switching spots with Cora and driving back to the mansion.

They exited the car quickly and rushed into the house.

"Regina!" Emma called out.

A few seconds later Regina came waltzing into the living room. Her eyes brightening when she saw Emma.

"What's wrong?" She asked worriedly when she saw her girlfriend's expression.

"I need you to heal something."

"Someone." Snow corrected making Cora roll her eyes.

"Are you hurt?" Regina asked; her eyes widening as she began to look over her girlfriend.

"Not me baby." Emma said sweetly, loving her girlfriend's attention.

"Who?"

"Charlie." Snow piped up.

"Who is-…. Snow why are you holding a squirrel… and what is it doing in my home?" Regina asked eyeing the animal.

"Cora hit him."

"Mother why would you hit a squirrel!?" Regina asked shocked, imagining her mother chasing a squirrel with a bat or something.

"I didn't do it on purpose!" Cora retorted.

"Emma was teaching her how to drive-."

"YOU WHAT!?" Regina yelled, her eyes looking accusingly to her girlfriend.

"She asked me to teach her-."

"AFTER I TOLD HER NO."

"Woah, she asked you?" Emma asked in confusion, looking to Cora.

"Did I not mention that?" Cora asked sheepishly.

Regina shook her head before looking back to the squirrel.

"Hold it out." She instructed Snow. Very carefully she touched the small mammal, willing its bones to heal and giving a small smile when the squirrel seemed to twitch happily.

"Thank you Regina." Snow said gratefully, "No thanks to you." She shot out at Cora.

Regina raised an eyebrow in response.

"Cora wouldn't touch the squirrel."

"HIS NAME IS CHARLES!"

"I thought his name was Charlie?" Emma asked in confusion.

"Its formal name is Charles. Charlie for short."

Cora eyed Snow with a strange look before speaking.

"You have problems."

"I love animals."

"Whatever it's weird." Cora said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"Snow could you please take the squirrel-." Regina stopped at Snow's glare, "I mean Charles, back to his family?"

Snow nodded with hesitation before leaving Cora and Emma alone with Regina.

There aren't many times when an angry Regina frightens her… but ever since Cora had been living with them those times became more frequent.

Emma eyed her wearily.

"Sit. Please." Regina said with her Evil Queen smile, making Emma gulp as she took a seat, Cora sitting down next to her.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO?" Regina yelled out.

"She wanted to learn how to drive!" Emma defended.

"SHE BLOWS EVERYTHING UP!"

"We didn't take the Benz!"

"Much to my dismay, I had to drive that death trap you call a car." Cora added haughtily.

Regina paused at this, looking to her mother with an angry glare.

"THE ONE THING YOU COULD'VE BLOWN UP BUT DIDN'T! YOU SET MY FUCKING APPLE TREE ON FIRE NOT LONG AGO BUT YOU COULDN'T MANAGE TO BLOW UP MISS SWAN'S GOD FORSAKEN BUG!?" Regina yelled out in anger.

"HEY!" Emma yelled back, standing up but sitting back down when Regina stared her down.

"I told Emma that I didn't ask you." Cora defended Emma.

Regina let out an exasperated sigh before allowing herself to relax slightly.

"I need a drink." Regina muttered before heading to her den for some apple cider.

"Ever since you got here you've done nothing but put me in the dog house." Emma whined to Cora.

"Perhaps you two should have more make up sex." Cora suggested.

"What is with you and sex woman?" Emma asked curiously.

"I haven't gotten laid in awhile." Cora commented idly.

"Maybe you should go to the bar and pick someone up." Emma suggested not thinking Cora would ever take that suggestion seriously.

"Perhaps."

The next morning

"Emma have you seen my mother this morning?" Regina asked in confusion. The woman's door was still shut but she was usually up by now, so Regina didn't even bother checking the room.

"No baby I haven't." Emma replied before wrapping her arms around her girlfriend. "Why?"

"I just wanted to apologize to her for snapping last night." Regina answered.

"Where was my apology?" Emma said with a smirk.

"You." Regina said kissing Emma softly, "Had your apology given to you last night." She whispered against her lips.

"Mmmm I sure did." Emma replied cockily.

"Perhaps we should check her room." Regina said worriedly, grabbing Emma's hand and leading her up the stairs.

"Mother." Regina called as she knocked on the door, opening it and walking into the room.

"OH FUCK!" Emma yelled out covering her eyes and turning around. Regina just stood with her mouth open.

Cora was currently propped against the headboard, her hands handcuffed and above her head; luckily another body was blocking the top of hers.

"Hello dear." Cora said in surprise, forgetting that she had magically soundproofed her room, she wiggled her fingers, un-sound proofing it.

"Hey Emma, Regina." The voice said, making Regina's eyes widen and Emma to turn back around.

"LEROY!?" The two women screeched out in unison.

Regina felt her knees grow weak and buckle, Emma's arms catching her as she blacked out and quickly pulling her from the room.

"You kids have fun." Emma said before rushing herself and Regina's body from the room.

"Regina is gonna be scarred for life now." Emma mumbled as she laid Regina down on her bed.

"Hey baby you okay?" Emma cooed as she gently eased Regina back into the land of the living.

"Emma?" Regina asked in confusion as she saw her girlfriend hovering above her.

"Hey baby you alright?"

"I had the strangest dream, I saw my mother in bed with Leroy."

"Yeaaahhh baby about that-."

"OH LEROY!"

Regina's face paled and Emma gave a sheepish smile.

"SOUND PROOF IT PLEASE!" Emma yelled out, the noises quickly dying out.

Regina's eyes rolled back in her head as she promptly passed out once more.

One thought on her mind.

Damnit mother.


	5. Update Status: What's Going On Cora?

Cora eyed the laptop wearily, forcing herself to remember to keep calm and not destroy it whenever it made the start up noise. Regina already went through two and Cora had to beg to get the third… Keeping Regina happy was a priority.

She tentatively pressed the power button and watched the screen light up and patiently waited for the log in screen.

She smiled when she saw her little picture and name come up on the screen. Emma had customized it for her since Regina refused to.

 _Welcome, Queen of Hearts_.

"Okay I just type in my password." Cora mumbled as she tentatively typed her password and hit enter.

Her desktop appeared and she smiled in success and opened up this 'internet browser' Emma had mentioned.

A few ads opened whenever she opened the Internet, her eyebrows knitting in confusion.

"What is, Facebook?" Cora mumbled as she clicked on the page.

"Hey Cora, how's the laptop working for you?" Emma asked with a smile as she entered the den.

"What is a Facebook?" Cora asked in confusion, "I see no face and this certainly isn't a book."

Emma chuckled before coming around to stand by Cora.

"Here I will set up a profile for you." Emma said with a smile as she began going through the necessary steps, filling out the forms for the woman.

"We just need a profile picture." Emma said after she explained the way Facebook worked. She brought up the camera on the laptop.

Cora gasped as she saw herself appear on the screen and Emma quickly grabbed the woman's hands, keeping them still.

"Relax, just gotta take the photo. Now smile." Emma said as she moved out of the way, clicking the camera button when Cora finally agreed.

Emma quickly added the photo and the familial relations for Cora, adding herself as her first friend.

"So I can update this, status as you call it? And everyone will know what I was doing?"

"Yeah pretty much." Emma confirmed as she started sending friend requests out to the people of Storybrooke, lastly sending a request to Regina.

"Regina has a Facebook?" Cora asked in surprise.

"Yeah she does. She isn't on much… Usually just to creep on what everyone else is doing." Emma said with a smirk.

"Emma! Why did I just receive a notification for a friend request by my mother?" Regina asked in confusion, walking over to Emma and Cora in the den, her eyes narrowing in on the laptop.

"She wanted one." Emma said as Cora nodding excitedly in agreement.

Regina smirked and accepted the friend request, as well as the familial request.

"Mom why do I have a request from Nana?" Henry asked in confusion, his head down looking at his phone as he walked into the den.

"Nana wanted a facebook." Regina said with a chuckle, Henry nodding happily as he accepted the friend request.

"Nana's with the 'in' crowd now." Henry commented happily, making the three women beam at him.

Cora quickly took a liking to Facebook, the majority of the town having accepted her friend request and even going as far as posting nice comments on her wall, much to her and her daughters surprise.

 

* * *

 

"Baby where's my mother?" Regina asked her girlfriend. She had been looking around for Cora for the better part of a half hour and still couldn't find the woman.

"She's in the kitchen." Emma answered before giving Regina a quick peck on the lips, making the brunette hum with approval before walking into the kitchen.

"Mother what are you doing?" Regina asked as she eyed her mother making something.

"I thought I would make a salad to go along with dinner tonight." Cora said with a smile, causing the brunette to return one.

"Oh don't throw the excess in the garbage can. We have a garbage disposal." Regina commented as she grabbed the excess off of the counter and put it in the sink, punching it down through before running some water.

"A garbage disposal?" Cora asked in confusion.

Regina merely nodded and flicked the switch next to the sink, making the sink give a harsh gurgling noise as well as the sound of something being completely demolished.

"CHIMERA!" Cora shouted and threw her hand out, blowing up the entire sink and sending water flying everywhere… as well as the excess vegetables.

A slab of wet lettuce landed on Regina's, now completely soaked, head.

Water flowed across the floor and pooled at their feet.

Regina let out a sigh and looked over to her mother, who was currently just as soaked and covered in excess vegetables as well.

"Why." Regina stated with a sigh.

"It sounded like a Chimera." Cora answered, looking at her daughter sheepishly.

"A Chimera."

"I thought you were in danger."

"Clearly I was… FROM YOU!" Regina snapped as she ripped the piece of lettuce from her head and stomped from the kitchen.

"What happened!?" Cora heard Emma yell, obviously seeing the very soaked Regina seething.

"MY MOTHER HAPPENED! IT SEEMS DESTROYING MY HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES IS A SPORT FOR HER!" Regina yelled before heading upstairs to clean up.

"Ahhhh shit." Cora mumbled looking at the water before magicking it away.

 

* * *

 

**_Update Status: What's going on, Cora?_ **

**_Just broke the garbage disposal. Regina was not amused when I explained I thought it was a wild Chimera trapped inside the sink and feared for her safety… I am not allowed to use it anymore._ **

**_15 people like your status_ **

**_Comments: (9)_ **

**_Snow:_ ** _Cora you need to stop blowing up Regina's things…_

**_Cora_ ** _: I am well aware of that Snow! These strange things startle me. It's inevitable._

**_Emma_ ** _: You know what else is inevitable?... REGINA'S RAGE!_

**_Cora_ ** _: Well calm her down!_

**_Emma_ ** _: YOU DESTROYED HER GARBAGE DISPOSAL AND FLOODED THE KITCHEN!_

**_Cora_ ** _: … I made a salad_

**_Snow:_ ** _That was very thoughtful of you Cora._

**_Cora_ ** _: Thank you Snow. No one else in this household seems to appreciate it!_

**_Emma_ ** _: JFC. I'm done._

 

* * *

 

Cora and Regina sat side by side on the couch, watching some program that was called "The Big Bang Theory"…. Whatever on earth that was. Cora was amused by the show but Regina didn't seem to have much interest, idly texting away on her phone.

She sat it down between herself and her mother on the couch and they continued to watch the show.

"I see the television doesn't startle you enough to blow it to bits." Regina said with an amused smirk.

Cora arched an eyebrow in mock annoyance, looking to her daughter before answering.

"I am getting used to it." Cora agreed.

"Thank god because I am getting tired of magicking back appliances every day. I just don't have the energy." Regina said with a smirk, her eyes looking down to her phone when she felt it vibrate.

Her mother's eyes glanced down at the phone, widening when she saw the picture of Emma light up the screen.

"EMMA!" Cora yelled out frantically, grabbing the phone. She had seen similar instances like this in the Enchanted Forest where people became trapped in objects and quite frequently, the way to rescue them was to quite literally break them out.

"I'LL GET YOU OUT!" Cora yelled as she hurled the phone across the room and at the wall.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled out, hopping to stop the woman but it was too late as her blackberry smacked the wall, a resounding crack echoing in the room as it smashed to pieces and hit the floor.

"EMMA! EMMA WHERE ARE YOU?!" Cora yelled as she ran to the phone, picking it up and examining the inside, suddenly confused by all of the wires, there should've been a portal.

Cora felt a sense of dread fill her stomach as she realized her mistake, swallowing quickly she slowly turned her head to face the oncoming wrath of her daughter that was radiating off of her in waves.

"Good news. Emma isn't trapped." Cora said with a small smile, holding up the severely broken blackberry.

Regina's eyes zeroed in on her broken phone and then her mother. She felt the crackle of her energy and quietly walked from the room.

"Regina?" Cora asked in confusion as her daughter left the room, she quickly got up from the floor and followed her through the house, finally exiting and heading into the back yard, a substantial distance away from her apple tree.

Regina stood stock still in the backyard; the magic still crackling around her, without any warning Regina let the magic flare.

The magic hit the ground, causing a huge explosion and making a large crater where Regina stood; sinking the ground she was on by at least twenty feet.

Cora almost lost her footing at the unexpected pulse of magic, quickly regaining her balance as she watched Regina breathe heavily for a few moments before relaxing considerably.

Cora stood still as Regina turned around and looked up at her from the crater, a pained smile on her face as she climbed out and stopped next to her mother.

"Please. Never touch my phone again, actually please refrain from touching anything that is strange to you." Regina said curtly before waltzing into the house.

"REGINA?! CORA?!" Emma screamed out, rounding the corner to the house and entering the back yard. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the crater.

Emma had been down at the station and became worried whenever she felt the earthquake rock the building slightly, fearing for Regina's safety and bolting from the station, not to mention Regina hadn't responded to her text. As she neared the house she was worried Cora had done something that caused an explosion and injured Regina in the process.

Now that she was back at the mansion she realized something did indeed happen that involved the two witches.

"Cora… why is there a crater in our backyard?" Emma asked cautiously as she approached the witch.

Cora's eyes were wide and she held up Regina's smashed blackberry.

Emma looked at the smashed phone and raised her eyebrows.

"What happened?"

"You 'texted' Regina and your picture came up and I may or may not have thought you were trapped and I threw the phone… It broke." Cora said in a small voice, no doubt still in shock.

"Why is there a crater?"

"Regina got mad."

"Regina did that?" Emma asked pointing to the moon crater in the yard.

Cora just nodded.

"She in the house?"

Cora nodded again.

"You gonna fix that crater?"

Cora shook her head.

"Why?"

"I'm not allowed to touch anything."

"Regina tell you that?"

Cora nodded.

"Okay then." Emma sighed as she left Cora standing in the yard, making her way into the house and finding a very irritated Regina guzzling down some of her apple cider.

"Hey baby, care to tell me how you made that moon crater in the yard?" Emma asked with a small smile as she walked up behind Regina and wrapped her arms around her.

"She broke my blackberry." Regina started, "I got mad and I may have released a pulse of magic that caused the crater."

"Your mother is in shock."

"Good." Regina said with a smirk before returning to her drink.

 

* * *

 

**_Update Status: What's going on, Cora?_ **

**_Just broke Regina's phone. It lit up and it was a picture of Emma. I thought she was trapped inside so I tried to save her by throwing it against the wall. Turns out it is a portrait of Emma not actually her… Not allowed to touch phone anymore._ **

**20 people like your status**

**_Comments:_ **

**_Snow:_ ** _Cora really?_

**_Cora_ ** _: I am not familiar with 'cell phones'._

**_Snow_ ** _: So you threw her phone against a wall?_

**_Cora:_ ** _It seemed logical at the time._

**_Emma_ ** _: Regina is moping over the phone…_

**_Cora:_ ** _I'd hardly call blowing a hole in the yard moping._

**_Snow:_ ** _There's a hole in your yard?_

**_Emma:_ ** _Regina got mad… So now there is a moon crater in our backyard._

**_Snow_ ** _: WERE ANY ANIMALS HURT?_

**_Cora_ ** _: Not to my knowledge._

**_Regina:_ ** _No Snow no animals were harmed, and really Mother? You felt the need to make a Facebook status about that incident?_

**_Cora_ ** _: It was status worthy._

**_Emma_ ** _: I have to agree with that._

**_Snow_ ** _: Wait… all of you live together and you're conversing on Facebook… why?_

**_Emma:_ ** _…._

**_Cora_ ** _: …._

**_Snow:_ ** _Guys… is everything okay at home?_

**_Regina:_ ** _Everything is fine Snow._

**_Emma_ ** _: ….._

**_Cora:_ ** _…._

**_Snow_ ** _: What is going on at home Regina?_

**_Regina:_ ** _Nothing. I simply just expressed a wish to be LEFT ALONE FOR A FEW HOURS._

**_Emma:_ ** _Regina won't let Cora and I near her and we aren't allowed to be near each other… So I'm currently sitting in the living room, Cora's in the den, and Regina is upstairs._

**_Cora:_ ** _She thinks it will teach us a lesson._

**_Regina_ ** _: Please, teaching you two a lesson would not involve separation…_

**_Snow:_ ** _Maybe you guys should talk to Archie…_

**_Archie_ ** _: I do offer family therapy sessions._

**_Granny:_ ** _From what I've been seeing of Cora's statuses I think that might be a smart idea._

**_Cora:_ ** _We are not in need of therapy._

**_Regina_ ** _: What we are in NEED of, is my mother to control her impulse to destroy every appliance in my home. I'm surprised she hasn't blown the house up yet… or herself._

**_Cora_ ** _: I am quite capable of controlling my magic._

**_Emma_ ** _: *snorts*_

**_Snow:_ ** _Really Emma… you had to type that?_

**_Regina_ ** _: You are about as capable of controlling your magic as Snow in controlling her impulse to scream bloody murder for the lives of woodland creatures…_

**_Granny:_ ** _Snow you might want to talk to Archie about that…_

**_Snow_ ** _: About what?_

**_Emma_ ** _: Your obsession with animals._

**_Snow_ ** _: I am not obsessed… I just care deeply._

**_Regina_ ** _: …_

**_Emma_ ** _: …_

**_Cora:_ ** _…_

**_Granny_ ** _: …_

**_Archie_ ** _: …_

**_Snow_ ** _: REALLY GUYS?!_

**_Regina_ ** _: I believe we did not say anything._

**_Snow_ ** _: You put dots._

**_Emma:_ ** _That expressed our silence…_

**_Regina_ ** _: Therefore we didn't say anything._

**_Cora:_ ** _I have a question…_

**_Archie:_ ** _Snow why don't you come to my office tomorrow around 5:00?_

**_Snow:_ ** _Wait a minute! This was originally a conversation about Emma, Cora, and Regina needing family therapy sessions to deal with Cora's habit of destroying things._

**_Cora:_ ** _I have a question!_

**_Emma:_ ** _Yes but now it's about you_

**_Regina_ ** _: And your more pressing animal issues._

**_Emma_ ** _: Regina can I come upstairs now? *pouts*_

**_Regina:_ ** _No._

**_Cora:_ ** _questionnnnnnn_

**_Granny_ ** _: It would be good for you Snow. And Regina just make up with Emma, it isn't her fault._

**_Regina:_ ** _…_

**_Emma:_ ** _Please baby?_

**_Regina:_ ** _Fine. You may come upstairs._

**_Cora:_ ** _QUESTION!_

**_Emma:_ ** _WHAT?!_

**_Regina:_ ** _WHAT?!_

**_Snow_ ** _: WHAT?!_

**_Granny_ ** _: WHAT?!_

**_Archie_ ** _: Yes Cora?_

**_Cora_ ** _: … what is Tumblr?_

**_Emma:_ ** _…. Stay away from that_

**_Regina:_ ** _I'm not familiar with it._

**_Snow_ ** _: No idea._

**_Granny:_ ** _Tumblr?_

**_Archie:_ ** _I believe it is a sort of online blog site._

**_Cora_ ** _: It is strange… but seems… magical._

**_Emma:_ ** _Cora stay away from it. Just trust me on this._

**_Cora_ ** _: Why?_

**_Emma:_ ** _… because it's dangerous._

**_Regina_ ** _: Emma it is an Internet site… I doubt it's dangerous. Are you coming upstairs or not?_

**_Cora_ ** _: It seems lovely._

**_Emma:_ ** _It's like a drug… one day you just start out reblogging a few things and then before you know it you're checking it every few minutes and talking to people from far away and bonding over your love for fictional characters…._

**_Cora_ ** _: …._

**_Snow_ ** _: …._

**_Granny:_ ** _…_

**_Archie_ ** _: …_

**_Regina:_ ** _Emma… what happened?_

**_Emma:_ ** _I don't wanna talk about it._

**_Granny:_ ** _…_

**_Snow:_ ** _…_

**_Archie:_ ** _…_

**_Regina:_ ** _… okay… soooo are you coming up? We don't have to talk about anything ;)_

**_Snow:_ ** _Not necessary._

**_Granny:_ ** _Get it._

**_Archie:_ ** _Emma I could interest you in a session as well._

**_Regina_ ** _: Emma just arrived upst-_

**_Granny:_ ** _Well there goes those two._

**_Cora:_ ** _What is a 'gif'?_

**_Snow:_ ** _… this is beyond my language._

**_Granny_ ** _: No idea Cora. By the way Leroy was asking for you today._

**_Cora:_ ** _…._

**_You have now logged out._ **


	6. Everyday I'm Tumblring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If any of you have a Tumblr and are unaware of this... there actually are RPGers for this story. the tumblr username listed in this chapter for Cora is the actual RPGers Tumblr username. There is also an Emma, a Regina, Henry, Snow, Hook, Granny, Ruby, and Jefferson. You can easily find them on the #adventures with cora mills, tag on Tumblr.
> 
> Also if you have Tumblr and would like to follow me, the url is love-order-chaos-repeat.tumblr.com
> 
> It's literally all Lana/Regina/EvilQueen/SwanQueen.... with some other things. 
> 
> Enjoy the story :)

"Emma I have to run to the office to catch up on some paper work!" Regina called from downstairs as she slipped her heels on, the blonde barreling down the stairs shortly after.

"Do you have to go?" Emma asked with a whine as she embraced her girlfriend and pouted.

"I do dear." Regina said sadly. It was Sunday and she should be home with her family spending time with each other, but she had a lot of paperwork to catch up on before the council meeting tomorrow.

"Can't you just do it tomorrow?" Emma pleaded; she wanted to spend time with her love instead of babysitting Cora.

"The council meeting is tomorrow and I have to have the paperwork done by then. I'm sorry beautiful." Regina said softly, capturing Emma's lips in a soft kiss and making the blonde hum in approval.

"Don't take too long okay?" Emma begged.

"I will try to get it done as quickly as possible I promise." Regina assured. They locked lips again, neither noticing Cora hanging over the side of the banister taking a picture of the two.

Cora turned around and quickly and quietly ran back up the stairs, hurling herself into her bedroom.

"I'll be back in time for dinner I promise." Regina said before giving the blonde one last peck and leaving the house.

"I don't wanna babysit Cora." Emma whined to herself, before realizing that she hadn't seen the woman all morning. She shrugged it off and headed to the den to catch up on some TV.

Meanwhile, Cora sat in her bedroom, Indian style on her bed with her laptop in front of her.

She smiled to herself as she scrolled through the pages of Tumblr, taking delight in seeing animated pictures called 'gifs'. It was truly a magical place and she could see why Emma said it was addictive.

Cora had managed to set up the page herself, even creating her own url.

_queenofhearts-cora-mills._

She soon found that the majority of the younger crowd in Storybrooke also had Tumblr's, much to her delight and surprise.

She emailed the picture she took of Regina and Emma to herself, smirking in success. Yes she had even mastered email.

She quickly clicked on the photo icon and added the picture.

She smiled as she looked at the happiness radiating off of both Emma and Regina. She began tagging the photo

#regina mills #emma swan #...

Cora trailed off her typing… wondering what else she should put when an idea hit her.

She had heard of these 'ships' before and knew that the majority of people had created cute names for their ships.

She beamed as she typed.

#swan queen

Cora smiled in success and posted the photo, continuing to scroll through her dash and laugh at the silly pictures of kittens.

 

* * *

 

Emma sat in the den, continuing to watch TV with Henry; she glanced at the clock and realized that it was almost dinnertime.

"Hey kid, we gotta figure out dinner." Emma said nudging the boy beside her.

"Emma I'm back!" Regina called from the foyer.

"In the den!" Emma responded, smiling down at her son.

"How are my loves?" Regina asked with a smile as she placed a kiss on the top of Henry's head, and then Emma's.

"Good, just watching TV." Emma replied.

"Where's my mother? She didn't blow anything up today did she?" Regina asked.

"Actually I haven't seen her all day. Her door is shut but… well I'm afraid to go in there." Emma admitted, shuddering as the image of Cora and Leroy entered her mind.

"I understand." Regina agreed.

"What are you two talking about?" Henry asked in confusion, looking at his moms.

"Nothing sweetie." Regina answered before looking back to Emma. "I'll go check on her."

"Thank you!" Emma said gratefully, watching her girlfriend exit the room.

Regina quickly made her way up the stairs and stopped outside of her mother's room. She knocked and when a 'come in' was heard she entered.

"Mother are you alright?" Regina asked as she took in the woman's less than poised appearance.

Cora's hair was a mess and she had her laptop sitting on the bed, not even bothering to look up at her daughter.

"I'm fine dear." Cora said with a dismissive wave of her hand, still not looking at her daughter.

"O-okay… well I'm going to start dinner." Regina said as she backed out of the room, shutting the door behind her. "That was weird." She muttered before heading back downstairs.

Cora continued to scroll through the tags, discovering more and more each second.

She became particularly immersed in the Rizzoli and Isles fandom after she saw posts about it and decided to watch a few episodes. She also became interested in The Most Popular Girls In School when she suddenly began seeing pictures of Barbie dolls appearing with interesting quotes on her screen. After watching all 13 episodes she took a liking to the terms that were used.

Why Emma told her to stay away from this site was beyond her.

Her SwanQueen ship had taken off as well, many of the townspeople had already reblogged some of the photos. Yes she had taken a few prior to Tumblr, she couldn't resist, Regina's happiness was infectious and they were so cute together.

The town thought so as well, which was why she had accumulated so many reblogs and new followers in just a short amount of time.

"Mother, dinner!" She heard Regina call from downstairs. Cora looked at the time on her laptop, realizing an hour had already passed.

"The day sure flew by." Last she checked it was only 11:00 in the morning.

She gingerly shut her laptop and walked to the door, glancing back at it.

"Momma will be back soon." She cooed to the laptop before exiting the room and heading downstairs.

"Glad to see you finally came out of your room." Emma said with a smile as she finished up setting the table.

"It's awfully bright down here." Cora said as she squinted.

"Maybe if you had a light on in your room and took a break from that laptop you wouldn't have a problem." Regina replied with a smirk as she sat the lasagna on the table.

"You've been on the laptop all day?" Emma asked with a suspicious look. She eyed Cora and watched the woman falter under her gaze.

"What's it to you?" Cora asked hurriedly.

Regina glanced between the two women curiously, watching as Emma was clearly analyzing the other woman.

"You been Tumblin Cora?" Emma asked with raised eyebrows.

"You don't know my life." Cora answered quickly.

"Who do you ship?" Emma asked in a low voice.

Cora eyed her wearily before calmly responding.

"I do not know what you mean by 'ship'." Cora answered, she knew that Emma knew she was lying, but for the time being she let it slide.

"Is there something you two want to tell me?" Regina asked curiously.

Henry eyed the women, trying to figure out what was going on, after dinner he would see what Tumblr was, and maybe then he would understand.

Dinner was eaten with relative silence, Cora finishing first and dashing upstairs quickly.

"What has gotten into her?" Regina asked Emma and Henry.

"I think I have an idea… but we just need to wait and see." Emma said.

"See what?" Henry asked.

"You'll know… " Emma paused, "When it's time. You. Will. Know." Emma finished dramatically.

Regina and Henry shared a look before glancing back at Emma.

"Okaaayyy. Henry want to help me with the dishes while your Ma figures… whatever it is, out." Regina asked her son and he nodded enthusiastically before joining Regina in the kitchen.

Emma sat at the table glancing up at the ceiling.

 _Soon._ Emma thought.

 

* * *

 

Regina walked towards Granny's for her morning cup off coffee, nodding to bystanders as she approached the diner.

She entered and took a seat at the counter, giving Granny her order.

"Loved the pics of you and Emma, Regina." Ruby said with a smile as she handed the woman her cup of coffee.

"I'm sorry?" Regina asked clearly confused, but Ruby hadn't heard her.

"Just so you know, you and Emma are my real life OTP totally ship it, so glad you guys are canon. By the way, SwanQueen, totally cute." Ruby said with a bright smile before running off to take someone else's order.

Regina left the diner confused.

"What the fuck is an OTP… or canon? Shipping? SwanQueen?" Regina asked herself as she walked towards City Hall.

Emma had a similar experience around the same time Regina had hers.

She had gone in to work early and had to deal with a disturbance near the library. Really just a scuffle between some kids that she had to break up, Belle had called it in.

"Thanks so much Emma." Belle said with a smile as Emma finished telling the kids to get to school.

"No problem Belle." Emma said with a smile and took in Belle's current expression, "What's with the face?"

"I saw the pictures of you two."

"Who?"

"You and Regina!" Belle said excitedly, absolutely giddy. "You two are so adorable together, and just so you know Ruby and I totally ship you and Regina. You're our real life OTP and you have that cute name!"

Emma felt her heart rate pick up.

"Name?" Emma asked calmly.

Belle looked confused for a moment before replying.

"SwanQueen." Belle answered.

Emma nodded and gave an 'ah ha' before waving to Belle and telling her goodbye.

Emma quickly ran to City Hall, ignoring Regina's secretary as she entered and bust through to Regina's office.

"People ship us." Emma stated bluntly, causing Regina to look at her in confusion, "Belle and Ruby ship us and on my way here I ran into Aurora and Mulan… they ship us. Leroy ships us, Archie ships us, and who knows whom else. The point is, WE ARE A SHIP."

Regina looked at Emma strangely.

"I have absolutely no idea what you just said." Regina stated, "And Ruby said something similar to me this morning."

"Whenever you are engrossed in a fandom of a TV show or people in real life, you sometimes 'ship' them. Which basically means that you want them together or love them together."

"I see." Regina said slowly, "So when they say they ship us they mean they like us being together."

"Yeah."

"What is an OTP?"

"One true pair."

"Canon?"

"It's like, it's actually happening, the people are actually together not just together in your head." Emma explained.

"And um, SwanQueen?"

Emma gave a small smile.

"That is our ship name." Emma beamed.

"We have a ship name?" Regina asked amused and then chuckled, "Well the title is certainly fitting."

"Based on the amount of people that are for sure shipping us and god knows who else, I'd say we have an armada."

Regina and Emma both laughed at that before Regina stood and walked to Emma, embracing her and keeping her close.

"What are these pictures I've heard about?"

"Apparently there are pictures out there circulating of us being cute." Emma answered.

"Hmm." Regina hummed thoughtfully, both women glancing down suddenly as Emma's phone vibrated.

"It's my mom." Emma said as she read the text message, smiling brightly and then laughing before holding the screen up for Regina.

_Emma, just saw the pics of you and Regina. Obviously I've seen you two act like this around us but they are quite adorable. I'm definitely onboard your ship, SwanQueen!_

Regina laughed before grabbing Emma's phone and texting Snow back.

_Snow, it's Regina. Thank you for supporting our 'ship', and since I am a shipping mood, I just want you to know that I ship you with woodland creatures._

Regina handed the phone back to Emma with a pleased smirk, which just caused Emma to smile and laugh.

"So how are these pictures circulating?" Regina asked.

"I think I know." Emma answered.

Regina just arched an eyebrow before Emma requested Regina to magick them back to the mansion.

Once the smoke dissipated they stood in the foyer, Regina confused as she followed Emma upstairs, stopping just outside Cora's room.

"My mother?" Regina asked in disbelief with a chuckle.

Emma opened the door and sure enough, there sat Cora, still in her pajamas, laughing at something on the computer screen and mumbling to herself.

"Mother?" Regina asked confused.

"Yes dear?" Cora replied, not even looking up.

"Cora, get off Tumblr." Emma said gently, causing the woman to whip around and look at her in shock.

"Why?!"

"You've been shipping. It isn't healthy Cora."

"FUCK THE POLICE!"

Regina suppressed a chuckle and Emma shot her a glare.

"It's funny because you're sheriff." Regina answered with a smirk.

"You aren't helping." She said to Regina before turning back to Cora. "Cora you have a serious addiction, you've been blogging nonstop."

"But I like it." Cora defended.

"How many fandoms Cora?" Emma asked.

"I don't know what you mean." Cora lied.

"How. Many. Fandoms Cora."

Cora paused.

"I lost track." Cora answered honestly.

"Did you create SwanQueen?" Emma asked with a concerned smile.

"I ship you two." Cora stated, "So fucking hard."

Regina just laughed at her mother.

"What did this site do to you?" Regina asked finally.

"It changed me." Cora answered before looking back to the screen, "It's like magic."

"Mother you have magic."

"THIS IS BETTER!"

"Cora.."

"NO! I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!"

"Cora it's alright, you gotta quit it, maybe wait it out and go on in moderation."

"NO!"

"Cora!" Emma argued.

"I'VE DONE MY WAITING!"

"Oh boy." Emma muttered making Regina look at her strangely.

"TWELVE YEARS OF IT!"

"Come on."

"IN AZKABAN!" Cora yelled out.

"Great she's a potterhead." Emma muttered.

"Mother are you alright?" Regina asked, still confused.

"What house?" Emma asked curiously.

"Slytherin." Cora answered with a smile.

"Of course." Emma laughed.

"You?"

"Gryffindor." Emma answered with a smile.

"Why are you discussing Harry Potter houses?" Regina asked.

"Regina, baby, I think this may be a discussion for your mom and I to have." Emma told her girlfriend, Regina nodding gratefully before leaving the room.

"So… what else you shipping these days?" Emma asked with an arched eyebrow, taking in Cora's disheveled appearance.

"Rizzles." Cora said in a small voice.

"That's a tough one. It's so obvious and the writers just won't make them canon." Emma whined out, sitting down on the bed.

"I KNOW RIGHT!" Cora yelled, flinging her hand out and magically breaking a vase.

Emma just laughed.

"I'll get it later." Cora said wistfully. "But you ship them?"

"I ship them so hard, it hurts." Emma admitted, patting Cora's hand in understanding.

"Why can't they just make them canon?" Cora cried out, suddenly very sad about this ship.

"I know Cora I know." Emma cooed as she hugged the woman.

Once Cora calmed down she pulled back from Emma, suddenly very serious.

"I just want you to know that I have dubbed myself Captain of the SwanQueen ship." Cora said firmly, making Emma smile.

"I did receive a disturbing ask though." Cora continued.

"Oh?" Emma asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Someone in this town ships you and Hook, calling you two CaptainSwan." Cora said bitterly, making Emma laugh. "Make no mistake Emma… I will find this person."

"Cora it's alright, they are entitled to their opinion, and you of all people should know how much I love your daughter."

"I know… but still."

"I know Cora. But Regina and I have true love, it's meant to be." Emma said with a bright smile.

"When are you going to propose?"

Emma looked flabbergasted.

"I-what-you-how-wha?" Emma rambled out, making Cora chuckle.

"I know you're planning something dear, I can help." Cora said with a smile, which Emma returned.

"You're okay with me asking her?" Emma asked happily.

"Of course I am!" Cora replied with a smile, "I'm captain of this armada."

Emma just laughed before standing and walking from the room, after telling Cora to take it easy on Tumblr of course.

"How did the rest of the conversation go dear?" Regina asked from her seat on the couch.

"Good, Cora has someone to fangirl with so I think she'll be okay," Emma said sitting down next to Regina and wrapping her in her arms. "And she has dubbed herself Captain of the SwanQueen armada."

"Oh?" Regina asked raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

"Yep, oh and she officially has a vendetta against some anonymous person that told her they ship CaptainSwan."

"Captain Swan?" Regina asked confused.

"A ship name for myself and Hook." Emma said amused, making Regina let out a low growl.

"Over my dead body."

"I know baby." Emma smiled and pulled the woman to her, kissing her softly, "I love you."

"I love you too." Regina whispered against Emma's lips, laughing when Emma laid them down on the couch and continued her kissing assault.

 

* * *

 

**A Few Days later…**

"Emma I allowed you to handle this the first time but now we do it my way." Regina said sternly, eyeing her girlfriend.

"Okay okay. We do it your way." Emma caved and Regina nodded in agreement.

Emma looked at Regina's attire quickly, smirking.

"What?" Regina demanded seeing Emma's gaze.

"You look good in yoga pants and tennis shoes." Emma said approvingly. Regina merely smirked.

"I will be in need of this attire. You'll see." Regina said simply, "Meet me in the foyer and have the door to the house open."

"Why?" Emma asked curiously.

"Just do it." Regina said before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

Emma sighed and opened the door.

Suddenly she heard a shriek from upstairs and was about to run up when she saw Regina hauling ass down the stairs.

"RUN!" Regina yelled and tore out of the house like a mad woman.

Emma barely registered the demand when Cora flew by her, running after her daughter.

"COME BACK HERE YOUNG LADY!"

Emma ran out of the house, slamming the door shut behind her and chased after the two women.

Regina continued to run, ignoring all the looks that they were getting as she ran down the street, her mother on her heels.

Regina stopped abruptly and turned around to see Emma behind her mother.

"EMMA CATCH!" Regina yelled before tossing Cora's laptop up and over her head.

"FUCK!" Emma yelled as she barely caught the laptop, taking off in no particular direction with the laptop as Cora chased after her.

"EMMA COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" Cora yelled from behind her, flailing her arms.

"REGINA!" Emma yelled out in fear, suddenly remembering that Cora had magic.

A purple cloud appeared in front of her and Regina grabbed the laptop, taking off around the block with Emma and Cora on her heels.

Regina ran quickly, her mother's anger and flailing arms blowing up trashcans and mailboxes as they ran down the street.

She saw Granny's Diner up ahead and continued to run, thankful she had been working out and surprised that her mother was keeping up.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" She heard Granny yelled as they ran by, Regina quickly hanging a right and running towards Dr. Hopper's office.

"GODDAMNIT CORA WATCH YOUR MAGIC!" Granny screamed as the sign to her diner was blown off the hinges.

Emma followed Regina closely up the stairs to the apartment, releasing a breath when they entered Archie's office.

Regina summoned a fireball and held it to the laptop in warning once Cora entered.

"Regina don't you dare." Cora warned.

"Sit." Regina said out of breath, nodding her head towards the couch.

"Why?" Cora asked, breathing heavily.

"You have an addiction, and you need help for it." Regina commented.

"Hello Cora." Archie said wearily, walking towards the group.

Cora was about to refuse but Regina held the fireball closer, making the older woman whimper in defeat and sit down.

"Now, you have one hour with Archie and then I expect you home for dinner. You will get this," She said gesturing to the laptop, "Back when you can control yourself better."

Regina felt something nudge her leg and looked down to see Pongo looking up at her, tail wagging.

"Hey cutie." Regina said happily and quickly patted Pongo on the head. She then gave her mother a stern look before gesturing to Emma to follow her as they exited.

"You could've told me about that plan." Emma said with a smile.

"Where would the fun have been in that?" Regina asked with a laugh. They laughed together as they exited the building, stopping when they heard a throat clear.

"Your mother gonna fix that?" Granny asked seriously, gesturing to the sign that was currently lying on the ground.

"She will be done with her session in an hour, after that I'm sure you'll be able to get her to help. Just tell her if she doesn't comply, the laptop gets it." Regina said with a smirk before turning down the street and walking away.

"God I love that woman." Emma beamed before running after her woman.


	7. Cora and The Ring

Cora sat at the table in the dining room, on Tumblr, of course. She was scrolling through her dash and answering questions here and there. Mostly from Emma who had been giving her particular trouble about the fact that she had stolen her laptop from Regina. She would go on Tumblr for a few hours and then place the device back where Regina had hidden it, she'd never know.

"As long as Emma keeps her mouth shut." Cora muttered to herself.

She continued to post pictures of SwanQueen as she saw fit, she was the captain of the armada after all.

She heard a click and quickly shut the laptop down and magicked herself to Emma and Regina's bedroom, quietly sliding the device underneath the bed where Regina kept it before magicking herself back in the kitchen.

She sat casually at the counter, plastering a smile on her face as she saw Regina walk in.

"You're home early." Cora commented looking at the clock.

"Lunch." Regina said with a smile as she moved to the fridge and pulled out the leftover taco filling from the night before, beginning to reheat the leftovers.

"Emma coming back for lunch as well?" Cora asked Regina with a smile, helping her daughter prep.

"She's supposed to be." Regina said with a smile.

Cora examined her daughter curiously.

"Is everything alright dear?" Cora asked sincerely.

Regina stiffened for a moment before turning to her mother.

"Emma has been acting strangely." Regina said.

"What do you mean?" Cora asked, trying to hide the panic she felt. If Regina found out she was Tumblring outside of the regulated time slot, her goose was cooked.

"Whenever we have a romantic moment she seems to get nervous all of a sudden, kind of fidgety." Regina explained, not noticing the look of relief on Cora's face.

"I'm sure she's fine dear." Cora reassured her daughter.

"Baby I'm home!" Emma's voice called from the hallway.

"See, she's fine." Cora whispered to Regina with a wink as she continued the taco preparations.

"What's for lunch?" Emma asked with a smile as she walked up behind Regina, wrapping her arms around the brunette.

"Leftover Tacos love." Regina replied, happily accepting the embrace.

"Okay lovebirds, move away from the tacos before your cuteness spews all over them." Cora said seriously as she shooed the women away, taking it upon herself to finish them.

"You sure that's safe?" Emma asked with a chuckle.

"I taught her, I think she can be trusted." Regina replied, causing Cora to turn around and look right at Emma.

"Yes, I CAN be trusted." She said seriously, making sure Emma got the point to keep her mouth shut about Tumblr.

Emma raised her hands in mock surrender before sitting down, being served two tacos from Cora.

"Mother I was thinking that while Emma and I are away during the day it would do you some good to get back into gardening." Regina suggested.

"Oh?" Cora replied as she bit into her own taco.

"That would mean she'd be using the lawnmower." Emma mumbled out with taco in her mouth.

"You can teach her how to use it." Regina said to Emma before digging into her food.

"I don't think that's a good idea." Emma said but was shushed when Cora gave her a death glare.

They finished the meal in silence and Regina quickly left, giving her mother a hug and Emma a fast kiss before heading back to work.

"You gotta quit this Tumblr stuff outside of the allotted time Cora. Regina is gonna find out sooner or later."

"Not if a little birdie keeps her mouth shut." Cora replied coolly.

"What are you gonna do? Rip my heart out?" Emma asked jokingly. She eyed Cora wearily when the woman just stared at her.

"You… you wouldn't do that right?"

"I don't know… will I need to?" Cora asked curiously.

Emma gulped.

"Nope."

"Good. I am glad we have reached an understanding. Now, show me this lawnmower."

Emma gave a relieved sigh and gestured for Cora to follow her out to the shed, where she pulled out the push mower.

"What does it do?" Cora asked intrigued.

"It cuts the grass, keeps it from getting too long."

"What if blades of grass scream whenever cut, but they are just too tiny for us to hear their horror?"

Emma stared at Cora.

Cora stared back.

"You gotta get off Tumblr late at night… shit gets deep." Emma said seriously.

She began to show Cora how to operate the push mower, going over each part of it carefully and giving an approving nod when she started it and Cora didn't blow it up.

"Well look at that! You managed to not blow something up." Emma teased and Cora beamed back nodding excitedly.

"This land has such strange wonders." Cora said happily before her face became serious.

"Emma… why have you been acting strange with Regina?" Cora asked seriously.

"What are you talking about?" Emma asked nervously.

"Regina has noticed… what's going on." Cora demanded. "Whatever it is we can work it out, this ship has to sail damnit."

"Cora relax the ship is sailing." Emma laughed, "I um… well here." Emma said nervously before pulling a box from her pocket and handing it to Cora.

Cora looked at the box curiously before opening it, gasping when she saw the ring.

A beautiful golden ring sat in the box, with a blood red ruby in the center and twin diamonds on the sides.

"Read the inscription." Emma said.

Cora examined the ring closely.

_To the Queen of my heart_.

Emma fidgeted nervously as she watched Cora.

"Do you think she'll like it?" Emma asked nervously.

When Cora looked up she had tears in her eyes.

"ITS PERFECT!" Cora yelled out, tears running down her face.

"Thanks." Emma breathed out taking the box quickly and watching Cora in amusement. The woman was having an emotional meltdown.

"OH GOD MY FEELS!" Cora continued to cry, accidentally allowing her emotions to get the best of her, her magic flowing from her and striking the lawnmower.

"SHIT!" Emma yelled, as the lawnmower took off on its own, flying across the yard.

"Oh fuck." Cora muttered as she and Emma chased after it.

"NOT THE ROSES!" Emma yelled as the mower ran over Regina's rose bed, chopping them all up.

"FIX THIS!" Emma yelled out at Cora.

"I can't!"

"Why not!?"

"BECAUSE I'M TOO EMOTIONAL! YOU JUST HAD TO SHOW ME THE RING!" Cora yelled back, attempting to grab the mower but failing, ending up on her face in the ground.

Emma dove out of the way just in time, her pocket suddenly feeling lighter.

"What the-." She cut herself off as her eyes widened.

The ring was gone.

"CORA I LOST THE RING!"

"WHAT!" Cora shrieked out, her terror making the lawnmower pick up speed, turning around and heading right for them.

Emma looked around frantically, her eyes falling on the black box a few yards away.

"NOOOOO!" Emma yelled out as she watched the lawnmower run over the box, a horrible grinding noise emanating from the mower.

Emma stopped dead in her tracks, just staring at the mower.

Cora managed to finally regain control of herself and shut the thing off, her eyes flickering to Emma worriedly.

About to tell her that-

"You… you sonofabitch." Emma breathed out, her voice deadly even as her eyes narrowed in on Cora.

Cora suddenly felt very small.

"Emma-"

"That ring was perfect." Emma said calmly, walking closer to Cora.

"Emma the ring-"

"And you managed to destroy it." Emma advanced more.

"Emma-"

"Don't." Emma said harshly.

Cora gulped.

"Run." Emma stated, before her eyes Cora took off like a bolt.

She ran around the corner of the mansion, Emma hot on her heels, while she screamed bloody murder.

She took off down the street, running right past city hall and her very shocked daughter who watched her mother run like a bat out of hell in front of her, followed by her girlfriend.

"Emma!" Regina called out worriedly, watching Emma chase after Cora like she would kill the woman. "Oh dear."

Regina magicked some tennis shoes on herself as she ran off down the street, keeping an eye on the women.

_This town is going to think we are insane._ Regina thought to herself as she watched ahead.

"Regina!" She heard her name called and turned briefly to see Snow run up alongside her. "Why is Emma chasing Cora like she wants to kill her!?"

"No idea!" Regina replied as the two women chased after Cora and Emma.

"YOU'RE DEAD MEAT CORA!"

"EMMA PLEASE BE REASONABLE!"

"YOU FUCKED UP MY PROPOSAL!" Emma shrieked out.

"Proposal?" Regina asked aloud to herself and Snow, the women sharing a glance as they came to a halt, watching Emma having cornered Cora against the front of Granny's diner.

"FUCKING HELL CORA!" Emma yelled out as a puff of purple smoke engulfed the woman.

Emma thought Cora would have disappeared but when the smoke dissipated, in her wake sat the cutest golden retriever puppy.

"Oh that's low." Emma muttered as she looked down at the cute puppy.

"Emma what is going on!?" Regina yelled, her and Snow rushing over to the blonde and… well puppy Cora.

"LOOK AT THE PUPPY!" Snow shrieked and grabbed Cora, picking her up and ignoring the dogs yelp.

Snow hugged the puppy tightly, petting Cora's head. At first she protested but then, well the petting was nice, and she allowed it.

"Why is my mother a puppy?" Regina asked haughtily, standing next to her girlfriend.

"Well played Cora… well played." Emma muttered eyeing the dog.

"Emma what is this?" Snow asked as she fingered the ring on the dogs collar.

Emma quickly stepped in close, looking down at her engagement ring for Regina.

Snow's eyes widened in recognition and she smirked, taking the ring from the collar.

"You sneaky little bitch." Emma muttered with a chuckle as she looked at puppy Cora.

She let out a small bark, clearly pleased with herself.

"WOULD SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!? AND WHY IS MY MOTHER A PUPPY!" Regina yelled out finally, absolutely fuming.

Their little stunt had attracted a crowd, everyone from Granny's coming outside to witness the scene, not to mention some passerby's.

Emma smirked to herself and grasped the ring, turning to face Regina.

"I just want you to know that this is definitely not the way I planned to do this." Emma started.

Regina stared at her with utter confusion.

"What on earth are you talking about Emma?"

"Regina, we've been together for awhile now and I love you more and more each day and you are just my everything. I thought I wouldn't get to be doing this because of your mother but well… she truly is Captain of this armada." Emma chuckled out, glancing at the puppy.

Puppy Cora let out a pleased bark.

_Damn right I am._

Emma turned back to Regina.

"But as fate would have it… I guess this is the way I have to do this." Emma paused, "You are my world Gina and I love you with all of my heart. My heart has been yours since the day I arrived in town and I know I have yours. I want to spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you and I will be the luckiest woman in every land if you agree."

Regina looked at Emma wide eyed as the blonde took a knee, holding up a gorgeous ring.

"Regina Mills, will you marry me?" Emma asked with a smile.

Regina's eyes watered as she looked at the blonde below her.

"Yes. Yes yes yes yes." Regina said happily. Emma beamed and she slipped the ring on Regina's finger, quickly embracing her and giving her a twirl before their lips connected.

Cheers and claps echoed through the street from the bystanders that witnessed the exchange.

Puppy Cora barked happily in Snow's arms, drawing the women's attention back to her.

"I want you to do me one favor." Emma said to Regina with a smirk.

"And what is that my love?" Regina asked with a smile.

Emma turned and looked at Cora, a devious smirk on her face as she whispered her request to Regina.

"Oh I can do that." Regina smirked before flinging her hand out at Cora and casting an enchantment over the puppy.

"Cora, for one week you are going to remain in puppy form." Emma said pleased with herself.

Puppy Cora's eyes bulged and she frantically tried to scramble from Snow's grasp.

"And you have to spend half of that week with Snow." Regina finished with a smile.

"Cora we are going to have so much fun." Snow said happily as she pet the puppy.

Cora whimpered in protest before turning her head to glare at Emma.

"It just looks cute when you act like a mad puppy." Emma teased.

_I am so peeing everywhere in the house._ Cora thought to herself as she accepted her fate.


	8. Troubles With Puppy Cora

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cora's thoughts are in italic

**_Day 1_ **

Cora sat, irritated beyond belief, as her brown eyes followed Snow rushing around the apartment. The woman's joy was frustrating.

_Here I sit trapped in this god forsaken puppy form, it is still me, and all this woman can do is freak out over how fluffy and cute I am!_

Cora let out a little huff, causing Snow to stop what she was doing and approach the puppy.

"You got a hairball?" Snow asked in a small voice.

_Those are cats you twit!_

She let out a small growl and turned away from Snow. So far James was still unaware of the recent development.

The door to the apartment opened and in strode James, a smile on his face as he embraced his wife and kissed her.

"We have a guest." Snow said with a chuckle, her gaze shifting to Cora.

"A puppy?" James asked with a chuckle, "Hey there little fella." James cooed and moved to pet Cora, stopping when she growled and snapped at him.

"It's actually Cora." Snow added, watching James eyes widen as he took in the sight.

"Cora?" James asked surprised, picking the puppy up and holding her at eye level.

_Put me down or I will pee on you!_

Cora attempted to glare at James, but it seemed her cuteness outweighed the glare; considering the fact that James laughed and then sat her back down.

"Well she's much more tolerable as a puppy." James said with a smirk.

_TOLERABLE!? YOU IMBECILE!_

Cora trudged across the floor and towards the armchair, thinking she was big enough to get on top… turns out she isn't.

She stood up on her hind legs, shakily, and attempted to reach the top of the chair, all that before promptly falling backwards with a yelp.

_GODDAMNIT!_

"Cora you're too tiny for that. Here, use the doggy bed I got you." Snow said with a smile as she pulled the plush bed out in the middle of the living room.

Cora examined the bed, walking around it before climbing on top.

_This is quite soft…_

Cora grumbled happily and laid down on the bed, her eyes still trained on James and Snow.

A cloud of smoke appeared in the room suddenly, dissipating and revealing Regina and Emma.

"We thought we would stop in to check on my mother." Regina said with a smirk, her and Emma's hands intertwined.

Emma looked over to Cora and gave a satisfied smirk.

"We brought you a collar." Emma said as Regina held up the small purple collar.

"We even put a tag on it." Regina said as she walked over to her mother, sitting down on the floor and holding it up for her to see.

The collar held a heart shaped tag, her name engraved on the silver item.

_A heart… real cute girls._

Cora gave a little cough that was supposed to be a scoff.

"Hairball?" Emma asked.

_WRONG ANIMAL!_

Cora let out a sigh and stuck her neck out so Regina could put it on her. Once she had, Regina gave Cora a pat on the head.

"Well Snow, enjoy your days with my mother. Should be fun." Regina said rising with a smirk.

"Oh and Dad, mind taking over at the station for a few days?" Emma asked her father.

"Sure Emma, why?"

"Regina and I have some celebrations to attend to." Emma replied with a smirk before they were engulfed in smoke, effectively leaving the apartment.

James shrugged in response before heading off to the station, leaving Cora and Snow alone.

"Cora, I need to run out to the store, please stay put." Snow said to the puppy, smirking when she heard her give a low grumble.

Snow grabbed her purse and left the apartment, leaving Cora all alone.

_I'll show you, keeping me trapped in this form. Some thanks I get._

Cora thought to herself as she got up and ran through the house, straight into Snow and James' bedroom.

She let out a happy yelp as she walked to the middle of the room, piddling on the floor.

_HAH!_

Cora thought, satisfied with her handiwork, before running back into the living room. She spotted a pair of shoes near the door and happily ran to them.

I'LL SHOW YOU, LEAVING ME ALONE WITH THESE PEOPLE!

Cora grabbed a shoe in her mouth and began whipping her head back and forth, her teeth tearing into the shoe and ripping it.

She let out some growls as she moved on to the next shoe, tearing it apart with the same amount of glee. During her fun she didn't hear the door open.

"CORA MILLS!" Snow yelled disapprovingly, causing the puppy to stop shaking her head.

She looked at Snow with wide eyes, the shoe dropping unceremoniously to the floor.

"Cora you are in serious trouble missy!" Snow yelled before retrieving a spray bottle from the counter.

_Seriously, water?_

Snow squatted down and sprayed the water on Cora's face, making her yelp.

_FUCK THAT'S COLD! STOP, STOP IT THIS INSTANT!_

Cora writhed back and forth as the water continued to hit her face, Snow finally stopping after a few moments.

_I will have my revenge._ A very wet Cora thought.

 

* * *

 

**_Day 2_ **

Snow decided to take Cora with her during her daily outing, not trusting her enough to leave her in the apartment where she would surely pee all over the place once more.

Cora's collar was attached to a matching purple leash as they walked down the street. More than one person stopping to pet her, which she begrudgingly accepted.

They were heading towards Granny's, clearly Snow wished to show her off to the people within.

_What a load of kymera shit._

Cora thought as she struggled to keep up with Snow, her little legs were not able to move as quickly.

Finally they reached their destination.

Cora eyed the stairs wearily.

"You can do it Cora." Snow encouraged, looking down at the puppy.

Cora raised her head and looked at Snow before tentatively heaving her little body up the first step, then the second, then the third, then the fourth.

She let out a happy bark when she made it up the last step, causing Snow to laugh as she opened the door to the diner.

"Hello everyone." Snow greeted as she led Cora inside.

"OH MY GOD IS THAT CORA?!" Ruby shrieked out, running over to them and quickly scooping Cora up.

"Look how cute you are! Look at the little collar!" Ruby chirped out, making Cora give a small grumble.

Ruby kissed the puppies face happily.

_YOU DID NOT JUST KISS ME!_

Cora was startled by something behind her; she glanced down and caught sight of her tail, wagging between her legs.

_WHAT THE DEVIL?! I AM NOT HAPPY TO BE CUDDLED!_

"Aww look! She's happy. Do you like getting lovins?" Ruby asked with a smirk before peppering kisses all over Cora's small face.

STOP THIS INSTANT! I SHALL PEE ON YOU!

Cora thought haughtily, still unable to stop her tail from wagging.

Peeing was her only threat… and unfortunately she didn't have to go right now.

_Damnit._

Ruby finally settled and was about to speak when Granny spoke up.

"Sorry Snow, but no animals in my diner." Granny said sternly.

"But its Cora!" Snow argued.

"Precisely." Granny replied with a smirk, giving Cora a wink.

Cora let out a bark in protest.

"Sorry Cora." Granny said with a laugh.

"Come on Cora, I'll tie you up outside." Snow said as Ruby sat her down on the floor, leading her to the door and to the stairs.

Going down would be difficult.

Cora eyed them wearily before tentatively hopping down the steps. She made quick work of them, forgetting that the last step had a steeper drop than the others, causing her to fall flat on her face

_OH FUCK, SHIT I GOT THIS_

and roll on her back, yelping.

_NO I DON'T I DO NOT HAVE THIS!_

Snow laughed at Cora, currently rolling on her back on the sidewalk.

_DAMNIT WOMAN, HELP ME UP!_

Snow bent down and rolled Cora onto her side, before loosely tying the leash to the pole near the steps.

"I'll only be a little while okay?" Snow said with a smile before heading back into the diner.

_This is bullshit._

Cora thought grumpily before eyeing the leash. An idea formed in her mind and she carefully began tearing at the leash with her teeth, attempting to free herself.

" **Need some help?"**

Cora turned abruptly and faced black and white paws; her eyes traveled upwards and there stood Pongo, looking down on her.

" _Actually yes. I want free."_ Cora barked.

" **No problem, move your head to the side."** Pongo instructed.

She complied and stiffened when Pongo's mouth was biting at the clasp to the leash.

He backed away once it was free.

" _Thank you Pongo."_ Cora yelped out.

" **Anytime Cora. Tell my Regina I say hello!"** Pongo said before taking off down the street, back towards Archie's.

Cora took off like a bolt, running as fast as her little legs allowed, heading straight for the mansion.

 

* * *

 

"Oh god Emma." Regina breathed out happily as she finished coming down from her high. The blonde slid back up Regina's body, stopping when they were nose to nose.

"Engagement sex is hot." Emma said with a smirk before capturing Regina's lips with her own.

"Mmmm I agree. Very very much." Regina mumbled against Emma's lips, quickly flipping them over so she could return the favor.

"Mmmm baby wait." Emma said suddenly, stilling Regina's movements.

"What's wrong?"

"Do you hear that?" Emma asked, looking to her fiancée.

"Hear wha-." Suddenly Regina heard the noise.

The faintest sound of a young howl echoed outside the house.

Regina shot up from the bed, grabbing her robe on the way before throwing it on and opening the window.

There sat Cora, in the middle of the sidewalk with her head titled back and letting out the cutest howl.

"Mother?" Regina called out, feeling her body pushed to the side slightly so Emma could peer out.

"Cora what the hell?!" Emma yelled frustrated.

Cora let out another long howl, sounding sadder by the minute.

"Damn that's cute." Regina muttered as they looked down at her mother.

"She's interrupting our engagement sex." Emma said pointedly.

_I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR SEX!_

Cora thought angrily. She wanted to be changed back.

She let out another long howl.

"Mother you go back to Snow this instant!" Regina called down.

Cora howled again.

"She isn't going to go away." Emma muttered haughtily.

"If I so much as open that door she will run inside and hide." Regina replied, already knowing how her mother would act.

Another howl.

"Mother you go back to Snow right now or I will give you fleas." Regina stated firmly.

Cora cut her howl off.

"That seemed to scare her." Emma smirked.

_Bitches._ Core thought angrily before picking her plump behind from the ground, turning around and squatting.

"What is she doing?" Emma asked in confusion.

"MOTHER DON'T YOU DARE!" Regina yelled out.

Cora walked away from her newly released puddle and turned around, looking up at the window and at Regina and Emma's faces.

Even though Emma had been angry at first, she could tell she was holding back a laugh, Regina on the other hand…

"DAMNIT MOTHER THE GRASS IS RIGHT THERE!"

_Have fun cleaning up my pee bitches!_

She thought happily before running off down the street.

 

* * *

 

**_Day 3_ **

Turns out Snow was not happy about her little escape, so much so that she was considering banning Cora inside the house.

Well that wouldn't do. She was already tired of being cramped in the apartment.

So she howled.

Snow ignored her for the better part of a half hour.

So she howled louder.

Finally Snow caved and allowed her to frolic outside. She took great pleasure in chasing some birds, much to Snow's dismay.

James had returned and was speaking with Snow about his day, giving Cora ample time to go have her own fun.

Her eyes narrowed in on an unsuspecting squirrel. She squatted down and slowly began stalking her prey, cautiously positioning herself on the backside of the animal, blocking herself from its view.

Once she was in range she pounced, landing on top of the squirrel and capturing it in her mouth. She gave it a few shakes, effectively knocking it out.

Satisfied with her catch she quickly ran back to Snow and James and sat at their feet.

They both looked down.

"Cora… what is in your mouth?" Snow asked wide-eyed.

She dropped the squirrel.

"OH MY GOD CORA MILLS YOU DID NOT KILL A SQUIRREL YOU DID NOT!" Snow shrieked out, eyeing the puppy.

Cora gave a happy yelp, her tail wagging.

"CORA THIS IS NOT OKAY IT HAD A FAMILY CORA! A FAMILY!"

_Yeah well so do I bitch, and here I am, stuck in puppy form. Thanks to 'said family'._

"Snow it's alright it is just a squirrel." James attempted to soothe, only causing Snow to whip around and look at him, eyes blazing.

"Just a squirrel James? JUST A SQUIRREL!" Snow shrieked.

Cora felt her tail speed up on its wagging.

"THAT SQUIRREL HAD A FAMILY JAMES!"

Cora looked down, eyeing the now awakening squirrel.

It's small eyes looked at Cora in horror, frozen on the spot.

_Get lost pipsqueak._ Cora vocalized with a bark, scaring the squirrel off and immediately calming Snow.

"You did that on purpose didn't you?" Snow asked Cora, letting out a groan when her tail wagged.

"See Snow it's all okay." James soothed.

"You're going home, right now." Snow said firmly, making Cora's tail wag.

 

* * *

 

"Snow?" Regina asked in confusion, opening the door to her home.

"Take her back." Snow said as she held up Cora, tail tucked firmly between her legs.

"What happened?"

"Oh multiple things; peeing in the house, destroying shoes, running away… Oh and not to mention CAPTURING A SQUIRREL AND FAKING ITS DEATH!" Snow yelled out, holding Cora closer to Regina's face with each statement.

"You really enjoy peeing on things don't you?" Regina asked her mother, the puppy meeting her eyes and giving a small lick to her cheek.

"Baby what's going on?" Emma asked in confusion, coming down the stairs in just a tank top and underwear. They had just finished up another round of lovemaking.

"What are my parents doing here?" Emma asked next, stopping when she saw Cora being held up in the air, "What'd she do?"

"She faked a squirrels death." Regina stated, making Emma smirk in amusement.

"Set her down." Regina said with a sigh as Snow sat the puppy gently on the floor, "Mother if you so much as even THINK about peeing in this house, I will send you to the pound."

Cora eyed her daughter before letting out a small growl, obviously displeased.

_First they take away my laptop, then my Tumblr, now I can't even pee for revenge._

Snow and James said their goodbyes, leaving the two women and the puppy alone.

Regina glanced at the clock; sighing when she realized Henry would be home soon, luckily for them he would be able to entertain Cora.

"Henry will be home soon. I'm sure you will enjoy playing with your grandson." Regina said with a smile before heading to the kitchen to start dinner.

Emma eyed Cora, the puppy looking up at her with brown eyes.

"You pee in the apartment?" Emma asked with a smirk.

Cora barked out an affirmative.

"And you faked a squirrels death?"

Another bark.

"I'll talk to Regina about changing you back. Since it was my idea after all." Emma said with a smirk before going back upstairs to put pants on.

Cora quickly ran up the stairs in the foyer before barreling into the kitchen. Sitting and watching Regina begin preparing dinner.

"Mom! Ma! I'm home!" Henry called from the hallway, rushing into the kitchen and stopping when he saw the puppy.

Cora looked to her grandson and let out a happy bark.

"Nana?" Henry asked with a smirk before looking to his mom, receiving a nod from her he reached down and picked her up. "You wanna go play?"

Cora let out another happy bark as her grandson carried her from the room and to the backyard.

_This puppy thing is all right._

* * *

 

**The next day**

Cora was sound asleep, curled up at the foot of Henry's bed, when she was roused from her sleep by the sound of soft groans.

Her ears perked up and she shook herself awake, carefully hopping down the stack of books Henry had set up for her for easy access.

She exited the room and walked down the hallway, stopping just outside of Emma and Regina's bedroom, their door slightly ajar.

She heard another groan and feeling instinct take over she pushed the door open; rushing into the room with a growl, ready to defend her family.

She slid to a halt when she saw her future daughter-in-law straddling her daughter, rocking her hips.

Cora let out a yelp and pounced around.

"CORA!"

"MOTHER!" Emma and Regina shrieked out at the same time, quickly positioning themselves differently and covering each other.

Cora let out another bark, her back still to the two women.

Suddenly she felt warm and a sharp growing pain, she shut her eyes tightly until it subsided. When she opened them again she let out a relieved laugh, Regina had lifted the enchantment.

"Thank goodness dear." Cora breathed out, "May I turn around now?"

"Yes mother." Regina replied, hugging Emma closer to her body.

"Why did you come barging in?" Emma asked with a pointed glare.

"I heard groans and on instinct I was afraid for you two." Cora explained, eyeing the two women.

"Well thanks for ruining it." Emma mumbled and received a smack to her arm from Regina.

"Mother, could you please leave so that Emma and I can get dressed?" Regina asked with a sigh.

"Of course dear." Cora replied walking to the door, she paused just before exiting, "Oh and Emma?"

Emma locked eyes with her.

"You ride like a man." Cora said with a smirk before exiting the room.


	9. Bonding Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is minor drug use in this chapter... Drugs are bad kids. Don't do them, and if you do please do not do what Cora and Emma do... that is all.

"So, any thoughts on wedding plans?" Emma mumbled against Regina's lips with a smile.

They had just finished another round of lovemaking, still very much celebrating their engagement, even though it had been over a week.

"I have a few." Regina replied, tucking Emma's hair behind an ear as she looked up at the blonde on top of her.

"Care to share?"

"Big wedding or small?" Regina asked sincerely.

"Well you are a Queen…" Emma started before receiving a playful smack to her arm. "Honestly I think a big wedding would be great. We could have all of our friends and family there, the whole damn town for all I care."

"You're serious?" Regina asked with a laugh. Emma nodded in response, a goofy smile on her face.

"I want everyone to see you officially and legally become mine." Emma replied, peppering kisses over Regina's face, making the brunette giggle.

"Are you two done fucking?" Cora's voice sounded behind the closed bedroom door.

Emma's head fell to Regina's shoulder with a heavy sigh.

"Go away Cora!" Emma called out in agitation.

"No! This is absurd, I am happy you two are fucking like Snow's woodland creatures but Regina you have a town to run and Emma you have a town to protect from flashes of Leroy's junk." Cora replied with a firm voice.

"She is right dear." Regina said softly, earning a glare from the blonde. "We can continue this later." She finished with a whisper before kissing Emma sweetly.

"Alright Cora we'll be down in a sec." Emma called, moving off of her fiancée so they could dress.

"About damn time." Cora mumbled before heading down the stairs, she had already sent Henry off to school and assumed Regina was going in late due to her morning workout.

Shortly after Cora had poured herself a cup of coffee, Regina and Emma entered the room.

"Coffee dear?" Cora asked holding up a travel mug for Regina, after receiving a nod she poured her daughter her coffee before sending her off to work, leaving herself and Emma alone.

Emma scrolled through her Tumblr dash on her phone, yeah she had finally logged back into her account after abandoning it for a while, mainly just to monitor what Cora was saying about herself and Regina.

She scrolled through a few of the asks Cora had received and paused on one in particular.

"Cora, what is the Black Wolf ship?" Emma asked, her brow scrunching in confusion.

"That would be a ship of myself and Ruby." Cora said coolly, making Emma spit out the coffee she had just sipped on.

"You and Ruby?" Emma asked in surprise.

"Yes." Cora said simply, "She did kiss my face."

"WHAT?!" Emma shrieked out in disbelief.

"When I was a puppy dear, she thought I was quite adorable." Cora said with a smirk.

"You're old enough to be her grandma!" Emma exclaimed with a laugh.

"I don't need your ship hate." Cora replied with a smirk.

"Whatever Cora. You go for it." Emma laughed as she took another swig of her coffee.

"So what is on your agenda for today?"

"Well, I'm gonna head into the office, do the usual stack of paperwork and patrol. Why, what're you up to?" Emma asked, looking to her future mother-in-law.

"Nothing." Cora said nonchalantly.

Emma eyed the woman with a hard gaze before coming to a decision.

"How would you like to be my deputy for the day?" Emma asked with a smile.

Cora's eyes widened at first, before a large grin spread across her face.

"That sounds like fun." Cora replied.

"Great! Well then Deputy Mills, let's get to work." Emma said with a smirk. She stood from the counter and just turned her back when she heard the familiar puff of magic. She turned quickly, in time to see the smoke dissipate and leave a dressed for the occasion Cora Mills.

She looked like she came straight out of the show _Reno 911_ , complete with aviators.

"Really Cora?" Emma asked with a laugh.

"Too much?"

"The aviators are a nice touch, but I think a button up shirt and jeans would be fine." Emma laughed out.

Another puff of smoke encased Cora and subsided, leaving her in a pair of blue jeans, white button up shirt, aviators, and a pair of brown boots, her hair pulled back into Emma's trademark ponytail.

"That'll do. Let's go."

 

* * *

 

"Emma I am slightly nervous about this." Cora admitted, sitting stiffly in the passenger seat of the cruiser.

"Why on earth are you nervous? Its just Storybrooke." Emma said with a laugh.

"I watch a lot of Law and Order. I know what happens."

"Cora, Law and Order and Storybrooke are two totally different things."

"You never know what could happen!" Cora defended as the cruiser drove down a back alleyway.

"Cora, trust me, this is Storybrooke. Nothing is gonna happen." Emma laughed out.

"EMMA SWEET JESUS WHAT IS THAT?!" Cora screamed out, pointing in horror up ahead.

"Cora it's a garbage truck… It comes every Tuesday." Emma pointed out.

"Oh. Right." Cora mumbled, calming once more.

"Just relax." Emma said as she exited the alleyway, heading towards the park.

"This is boring." Cora said with a pout.

"Hey you were eager at first."

"Regina does not pay you enough for this." Cora added.

"She pays me plenty." Emma defended with a smirk.

"In sex toys?" Cora asked, making Emma splutter and swerve the car slightly.

"I don't know what you mean." Emma lied, ignoring the flashback of Cora rummaging through their sex drawer a few months back.

"You have two new toys, don't play dumb." Cora said plainly.

"YOU WENT THROUGH OUR DRAWER AGAIN?"

"If you didn't want me to snoop you would've switched drawers." She pointed out before looking back out the window.

"God Cora could you NOT snoop through our drawers any more?" Emma asked exasperated.

"Perhaps if I got something fun at home I wouldn't snoop." Cora mumbled before smiling, "Look it's Ruby!"

Emma coughed as the smoke hit her face, dissipating quickly and leaving the puppy version of Cora in the seat.

Her little paws pressed the window button, moving it down so she could stand up and put her head out of the window.

Cora barked happily at Ruby as Emma slowed the cruiser, quirking an eyebrow at the puppy.

"Hey Emma!" Ruby called happily as she saw the cruiser slow, her eyes brightening as she saw puppy Cora, "Hey cutie!"

Cora barked happily, tail wagging and all as she stood up more.

Ruby picked her up from the car and cuddled her under her chin.

"She is so cute as a puppy." Ruby told Emma, making the blonde give an eye roll. Ruby peppered kisses over the puppy's face, smirking as she went.

Emma tentatively held up her phone, snapping a picture and keeping it to show Regina.

"Alright you two break it up." Emma broke in finally, causing Ruby to set Cora back in the vehicle and give a wave goodbye. The second Ruby disappeared; smoke engulfed Cora once more, revealing her as she was.

"Was that necessary?" Emma groaned out.

"The people want a Black Wolf ship, I shall give it to them."

"I want to know who these people are exactly." Emma grumbled as she continued to drive the cruiser.

"MY SHIP WILL SAIL!" Cora yelled out

"Cora I know I get it."

"WE SAIL AT DAWN!"

"Cora okay."

"EMMA WHAT IS THAT?!" Cora shouted suddenly, making Emma slam on the brake and stop the car.

"DAMNIT CORA WHAT NOW!"

"Is that a fucking Gremlin?!" Cora shrieked in horror, pointing to a lawn gnome in someone's yard.

"Cora… that is a lawn gnome." Emma groaned out, her head falling back on the headrest.

"Lawn gnome?"

"Yes Cora, it's for decoration."

"It's creepy."

"I know."

"It's ugly."

"I know."

"Can I break it?"

"What? No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Fun sucker." Cora pouted as Emma started to speed the cruiser back up and away from the lawn gnome.

"Here is something interesting." Emma muttered as she gestured up ahead. A group of kids were gathered in the shadows of the building.

"It's children."

"Teenagers." Emma corrected before parking the cruiser just down the street and hopping out, Cora following.

"Hey!" Emma called out as they approached; sending a wave of fear through the kids and making them begin to scatter.

Cora waved a hand out, trapping them where the stood, much to Emma's delight.

"What are you guys doing out of school?" Emma asked with a raised eyebrow.

"None of your business." One teen spat out.

"Well as Sheriff it is my business." Emma replied with a smirk.

"Fuck the police!" One shouted.

"That is the mayor's job." Cora said haughtily, causing Emma to shoot the woman a look.

"What's in the bag?" Emma asked the one in front, taking notice of the plastic baggy hanging from his pocket.

"Nothing."

"Sureeee it is." Emma smirked before plucking the bag away, her eyes widening when she saw it. "Seriously? Pot!"

"Pot?" Cora asked confused.

"Weed." Emma replied without looking away from the kids.

"What is wrong with them possessing a plant?"

"Alright Cora let them go. You kids get back to school and don't let me catch you with this shit again." Emma said as Cora released the enchantment.

Once the teens ran off Emma and Cora walked back to the car, entering it and sitting in silence.

"So… You want to experience one more thing from this world?" Emma asked with a smirk.

"Of course!" Cora replied happily.

Emma reached into the glove box of the cruiser, pulling out some rolling paper

"Emma?" Cora asked in confusion as she watched Emma roll what looked like a cigarette.

She grabbed a lighter and held it to her lips, lighting it and taking in a drag.

"Try it." Emma said as she released the smoke from her lungs.

Cora looked at her in confusion before complying, taking a long drag from the joint.

Of course once the smoke hit her lungs she coughed.

"Sweet Oz what on earth!" Cora coughed out, expelling small puffs of smoke as she coughed.

Emma took back the joint and took another drag.

"Don't worry Cora, you'll enjoy it when it hits you." Emma said with a smile

 

* * *

 

It hit her all right.

Currently herself and Emma were sitting in a booth at Granny's, Emma laughing at random times for no reason at all, while she sat and stared with wide eyes at everything in the restaurant.

"I am so. Hungry." Cora said seriously.

"Cora you just ate three orders of fries." Emma laughed out, leaning over out of her seat slightly.

"I have an idea." Cora said with a laugh. Both women cracking up for no reason, "stop stop, I have an idea."

"What?" Emma laughed out.

"Let's visit Regina." Cora said with a smile, her pupils huge and dancing.

"She will totally flip."

"It'll be funny."

"Okay, but you're driving." Emma said with another laugh before they stood and paid, leaving the diner.

Cora took the driver side of the cruiser while Emma took the passenger seat.

"Wait wait, you want another hit?" Emma asked seriously before rolling another joint. After all she had scored a good bit from that baggy.

Emma handed the lit joint to Cora, smiling when her future mother-in-law took the hit without coughing.

Cora smiled as she puffed out the smoke, putting the cruiser in drive and speeding off down the street.

She leaned her head out the window of the cruiser,

"OUT OF MY WAY BITCHES!" Cora screamed as they flew down the street.

Emma laughed hysterically in the passenger seat before spotting Leroy up ahead.

"Cora, Cora, its Leroy." Emma laughed out, swatting at the woman's arm.

"Let's give him a scare." Cora said as she swerved the car, heading straight towards Leroy.

"HEY LEROY!" Emma yelled out of the window as they flew towards him, he barely jumped out of the way when they flew by, laughing hysterically.

"CALL ME MAYBE!" Cora screamed out as they passed, quickly rounding the cruiser around a corner and towards City Hall.

"Emma switch seats with me. I want to try something I saw in a movie." Cora giggled out, stopping the car and quickly switching seats with Emma.

"What do you want me to do?" Emma asked with a confused laugh.

"Drive along the sidewalk." Cora stated as she magicked a baseball bat in her hand and leaned out of the window.

Emma sped up the car and let out a laugh as she saw Cora dangling out of the window.

"HOME RUN BITCHES!" Cora yelled as she swung the bat, hitting a mailbox and knocking it completely off of its post.

"CORA YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Emma yelled out, suppressing her giggles.

"ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD!" Cora yelled before swinging at another mailbox. "Do you want to have a go?"

Emma chewed on her lip before nodding, stopping the car and switching spots with Cora once more.

Cora began to drive the car, picking up speed as Emma dangled from the window.

"BOOM MOTHER FUCKER!" Emma yelled has she took a swing and knocked the mailbox from the post.

"Nice shot dear!" Cora called as she drove.

"FOR NARNIA!" Emma yelled out as she swung once more, hitting another mailbox before ducking back in the car.

"That was fun!" Cora yelled happily as they continued on their way to City Hall.

Cora pulled up to the curb, driving over it and parking the cruiser.

"Good enough right?" Cora asked with a giggle.

"No one will even notice." Emma reassured as she exited the vehicle.

"Are you sure?"

"It'll be fine." Emma said as she looked at the cruiser, the whole damn thing was parked halfway into the lawn.

They ran to the building quickly, then up the stairs, stopping at Regina's secretary.

"Oh I'm sorry Emma, Regina just stepped out for a few minutes, and she'll be back shortly." The secretary said.

"We'll wait inside." Cora said, trying to suppress the fit of giggles she felt coming on.

They entered the room, glancing at each other and giggling.

"Okay okay stop stop." Emma breathed out between laughs.

"Emma emma wait wait." Cora laughed out before getting deadly serious, "Did you ever think this… what if our belly buttons scream whenever we put a shirt on because it's afraid of the dark?"

Emma just stared at Cora blankly.

'That is, SUCH a good point." Emma said in awe, "like seriously Cora. That is really deep."

"I saw it on Tumblr." Cora responded before giggling once more.

"Okay okay, we should totally hide and surprise Gina when she comes in." Emma said with a laugh.

"Okay you hide under her desk, I'm going to hide in the corner."

"Good plan." Emma said holding up her fist.

"What are you doing?"

"It's a fist bump." Emma replied, holding her fist up closer to Cora. "Tap it."

Cora tentatively held up her fist and bumped it against Emma's.

"Alright let's do this." Emma laughed out before running to Regina's desk, sitting underneath of it.

Not fully realizing the fact that the desk wasn't enclosed and she was clearly visible.

Cora ran to a corner, grabbing a lampshade off of one of Regina's lamps, and placing it over her head, standing stock still in the corner.

Also not realizing that she was completely visible.

"Mr. Burns it really is such a pleasure to finally have you visiting Storybrooke." Regina's voice flitted in the room from the hallway, causing Emma and Cora to giggle slightly.

"The pleasure is all mine Mayor Mills." A booming voice echoed as they approached.

"Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule, I'm sure being governor of Maine is quite taxing." Regina replied smoothly, her body finally coming into view as she entered the room.

The second she entered she had turned her back to the women, not noticing their presence.

"How would you like a glass of the best apple cider you've ever tasted?" Regina asked the man.

"That sounds delicious."

"I make it myself, hand picked apples from the tree I've tended to since I was a girl." Regina explained as she walked to the cart she kept her apple cider on.

Mr. Burns scanned the room, his eyes quickly falling on the blonde giggling quietly underneath the desk. His eyes then flitted to the woman whose face was hidden by a lampshade, her shoulders shuddering with laughter.

"Umm Miss Mills?" Mr. Burns asked tentatively.

"Yes?" Regina replied as she walked over to him and handed him his glass.

"Why is there a blonde under your desk?"

Regina's eyes shot to her desk, widening when she took in the state of her fiancée, giggling to herself underneath the marble table.

Emma placed her hands over her eyes, giggling.

"Miss Swan!" Regina seethed out as she walked up to her desk.

"If I can't see you, you can't see me Gina!" Emma giggled out.

"Gina?" Mr. Burns asked in confusion.

Regina heard a small bout of laughter come from the corner of the room, making her gaze quickly shift to her mother, standing in the corner with a lampshade on her head.

Regina had no idea how to even handle this situation, her first instinct was to scream at both of them but instead she put on her best smile and turned to face Mr. Burns.

"Mr. Burns, would you please wait outside in the hallway for a moment while I handle this?" Regina asked calmly, the man nodded mutely as he eyed the three women before exiting the room, closing his door on the way out.

Regina turned around quickly.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" She boomed out, making Emma jump and smack her head off of the table.

"OW GINA!" Emma whined as she crawled out from the desk.

Cora took off the lampshade dejectedly, placing it on the couch before walking to her daughter.

"What is wrong with you two?" Regina demanded, her hand grasping Emma's chin and making the blonde look at her.

She took in Emma's appearance carefully; her eyes falling on Emma's severely dilated ones.

"You're high." Regina stated in disbelief before looking to her mother. "You as well?"

Emma nodded sheepishly and Cora gave another giggle.

"I cannot believe you two!" Regina whispered in a harsh tone, releasing Emma's face.

"I missed you." Emma stated with a pout.

Regina softened for a second before her gaze hardened once more.

"Magic yourselves out of here right now." Regina stated firmly.

"But but but." Emma started.

"Come Emma, we will have fun elsewhere." Cora stated with a huff before grabbing the blonde and magicking them away.

"What am I going to do with them?" Regina asked herself

 

* * *

 

"So what do you wanna do?" Emma asked Cora as they sat in the poorly parked cruiser.

"Let's listen to some music." Cora suggested as she turned on the radio, a well-known song coming on.

" _What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more."_ The music flitted through the car.

"I LOVE THIS SONG!" Emma screamed out, her hands flying in the air.

"ME TOO!" Cora agreed loudly as Emma pulled the cruiser from their parking spot and drove down the street. Blasting the music as loudly as possible.

"WHAT IS LOVE, BABY DON'T HURT ME, BABY DON'T HURT ME, NO MORE!" Emma sang loudly.

"WELL I DON'T KNOW, WHAT CAN I DO, WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY ITS UP TO YOU, I KNOW WHAT I WANT, JUST ME AND YOU, I CAN'T GO ON." Cora chimed in, screaming the lyrics as they drove, very very slowly down the street.

"WHAT IS LOVE, BABY DON'T HURT ME, DON'T HURT ME, NO MORE!" Emma sang out.

"WOAH WOAH WOAHAOH WOAH WOAH WOAHAOH WOAHAOH!" Cora screamed out, swaying back and forth in the seat.

"What is love, baby don't hurt me, no more." Emma sang softly to the tune

"Don't hurt me, don't hurt me."

"I want no other, no other lover, this is your life, our time."

"When we are together, I need you forever, is it love?" Cora sang in an equally soft voice, not realizing that they had parked the car at the mansion.

"What is love, Oh baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more." Emma and Cora sang together.

"WHAT IS LOVE, BABY DON'T HURT ME, DON'T HURT ME, NO MORE!" They finished with a loud scream.

Another song began to play on the stereo, making Cora's eyes brighten.

"I KNOW THIS ONE TOO!"

"Sing it woman! Sing the song of your people!" Emma sang out happily.

"Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you, that is how I know you, go on." Cora sang deeply, putting meaning into the song.

"Far across the distance, and spaces between us, you have come to show you, go on." Emma sang the next verse, swaying back and forth in the seat.

"Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on…" Cora trailed off before sucking in a deep breath, "Once more you open the door, and you're here in my heart, AND MY HEART WILL GO ON AND ON!" Cora sang loudly, slamming her face against the window of the car and singing to a squirrel that was staring at the car curiously.

"That. Was so. Beautiful." Emma breathed out, tears springing to her eyes.

"Why are you crying!" Cora asked worriedly as she looked to the blonde.

"GINA HATES ME NOW!"

"She does not hate you Emma."

"SHE HATES MEEEE!" Emma cried out, making tears spring to Cora's eyes as they both sobbed loudly.

A tap on the window ceased their sob fest and they both looked to Emma's window, seeing Regina standing there with a concerned look on her face.

"Come out of the car." Regina said softly to Emma.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because you hate me."

"Baby I don't hate you." Regina soothed, opening the door and pulling Emma from the car.

Cora exited the car as well and waddled over to Regina and Emma like a child.

"You don't hate me either?" Cora asked softly.

"No mother I don't hate you either." Regina assured, gesturing them to go towards the house, "How about I get you two some ice cream?"

"That sounds most delicious." Cora agreed as they entered the house, Regina moved them to the den and sat them down, leaving them to grab ice cream.

"See I told you she doesn't hate you." Cora scoffed.

"Says the woman that burst into tears as well." Emma replied haughtily.

Both their stomachs rumbled in unison.

"Here you go. Rocky road for Emma, and Chocolate Moose tracks for Cora." Regina cooed softly as she handed each woman the small tub of ice cream and a spoon.

She moved to the TV and turned it on for them before walking back over and giving each a kiss on their head.

She smirked as she shut the door, knowing they would be coming down from their high soon while she prepped dinner.

"We did some crazy shit." Emma stated with a blank stare as she came down from her high, finally realizing everything they did.

"Yes we did. I'm certain we ruined Regina's meeting with that governor."

"Ughhhh." Emma groaned out, forgetting about that guy.

"It was fun though." Cora commented, drawing Emma's stare.

"Yeah it was."

Emma's face paled.

"Oh my god we took off people's mailboxes."

"I suppose we did didn't we."

"Oh my god I am Sheriff and I fucking took out people's mailboxes with a baseball bat while I was high oh my god Regina is going to kill me." Emma muttered out.

"It's okay Emma, she may not even know it was us." Cora tried to reassure.

* * *

 

**Meanwhile…**

Regina finished dinner and realized she hadn't retrieved the mail for the day. Her mind was mostly in a fog as she had driven back home, not paying attention to her surroundings, especially when she pulled in the driveway and saw Emma's cruiser parked, and blasting Celine Dion.

Emma and Celine Dion was never a good combination, she tended to get emotional.

Regina smiled to herself as she walked out of the house and down the sidewalk. She stopped dead in her tracks when she took in the sight of her mailbox, badly beaten and completely off of its post.

"What the hell?" Regina asked out loud, picking up the scattered mail and glancing down the street, only to see three other mailboxes completely destroyed and laying on the side of the road.

* * *

 

**Back to Emma and Cora…**

"You're totally right, maybe she won't-."

"EMMA SWAN!" Regina's voice yelled through the house.

"Nope she noticed." Cora added, earning a death glare from Emma.

Regina came barging in the room, happy to see her mother and Emma looked normal and had come down from their high.

"Care to explain why our mailbox is destroyed, along with three others, and why there is a baseball bat in the cruiser?" Regina hissed out, eyes blazing in anger.

"Well you see…" Emma started.

"There is a very logical explanation." Cora finished.

Regina crossed her arms and began tapping her foot, waiting impatiently.

"I love you." Emma tried, putting on her best puppy pout.

"Not going to work Emma. This was completely irresponsible of you! You are Sheriff and you decide to get high whilst on the job and then go and destroy mailboxes?"

"Hey Cora contributed!"

"This is true." Cora agreed, looking between her daughter and Emma.

Regina lifted her hands to her temple and began to rub, trying to sooth the migraine she felt coming on.

"Baby I'm sorry. Cora and I were just having fun and bonding." Emma tried to reason, standing up and going to Regina, embracing her.

"Okay, okay." Regina caved, accepting Emma's embrace and letting the anger go.

They heard the front door open, assuming it was Henry since it was about the time he returned home from school.

The sound of his footsteps increased and he came barreling into the room with an excited look on his face.

"Mom, Emma, Nana, look look!" Henry said excitedly, running to the TV and switching the channel.

"Henry what is it?" Regina asked in confusion.

"They started talking about it at school and I got home as quick as I could. You're on TV Ma!" Henry yelled happily, turning to the news.

" _In other news, Sheriff Swan and Cora Mills, mother to Mayor Regina Mills, were spotted riding in the patrol car and taking out mailboxes of some of Storybrooke's citizens. No one knows the reason for the behavior of the two women. Here is some footage a bystander managed to take."_ The anchor finished speaking and the footage rolled, showing Cora hanging out of the window.

" _HOME RUN BITCHES!"_ They heard Cora yell on the tape as she smashed a mailbox. The video cut to Emma, swinging a bat and yelling a very distinctive,

" _FOR NARNIA!"_

Emma and Cora turned to face Regina, very slowly.

The brunette's mouth hung open, staring blankly at the TV as she took in the scene of her mother and fiancée's behavior.

"Gina, I am SOOOO sorry." Emma pleaded as Cora ushered Henry from the room.

Regina turned to look at her fiancée; still slack jawed as she looked at the blonde.

"I will totally let you do whatever you want to me tonight. Anything you want." Emma rushed out, desperately trying to save her own life here.

Regina's eyes searched Emma's before a smirk graced her features, predatory and seductive.

"Oh I do believe this will be fun." Regina purred out to Emma with a wink before looking to her mother. "Just this once you're off the hook, Emma is more than capable of taking the blame for both of you."

Emma gulped in anticipation.

"Be a dear and go upstairs and get ready for me. You won't be able to walk for a week when I'm done with you." Regina whispered in Emma's ear.

Emma looked to Cora before bolting from the room.

"Proud of you!" Cora called after the blonde's retreating form.

Emma would enjoy her punishment and Cora got out of it scratch free, win win situation in her book.


	10. The Trampoline and The Armada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are references to quotes used in The Most Popular Girls In School, so please watch those videos before hand, they are so funny!
> 
> I also owe credit to bitcheslovemagic on Tumblr, one of the quotes in here was her idea so thank you very much! :)

"Regina… I have a question." Cora started tentatively, clutching a magazine in her hand and shifting on her feet uneasily.

"Yes mother?" Regina replied, not looking up from her book she was currently engrossed in.

"What is a trampoline?" Cora asked curiously, drawing Regina's gaze to her own.

"Why do you want to know?" She replied suspiciously.

"Hey ladies what's shaking?" Emma asked with a wink, walking into the room with a smile on her face.

"My mother wants to know what a trampoline is." Regina answered.

"Why?" Emma asked suspiciously.

"Why do you both think it is a bad thing? It looks fun!" Cora replied with a huff, holding out the magazine.

"It's a toy basically, mother. You have fabric stretched across an open circle or rectangle that is supported by metal poles and springs. When you jump it shoots you into the air and then you come back down. You bounce." Regina explained.

"Why'd you wanna know?" Emma asked Cora.

"I want one." Cora answered.

"No."

"Absolutely not." Emma and Regina said simultaneously.

"Why not?" Cora huffed.

"Because mother, god only know what chaos will happen when you bounce, terrified, on the trampoline."

"Henry would like it."

"Really you're going to use Henry as a push for the trampoline?" Emma asked raising her eyebrows.

"Henry and I would both like it." Cora stated.

"No." Regina said firmly, "they're dangerous."

"Not the ones with nets." Cora defended.

"Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea Gina."

"What?"

"What?" Regina and Cora asked in surprise.

"Yeah, she can just learn the hard way." Emma stated with a shrug.

Cora gave a bright smile.

"I feel like I am going to regret this decision." Regina muttered before looking to her mother, "Fine mother I will purchase the trampoline."

Cora squealed happily before running from the room to tell her grandson.

"I swear she is like a little kid." Emma stated with a laugh.

"That she is dear." Regina chuckled out.

"You know the trampoline may not be so bad after all." Emma said with a wiggle of her eyebrows, making Regina give a predatory smirk.

"Are you suggesting what I think you are?"

"Oh yeah." Emma said with a smirk before capturing Regina's lips with her own.

They kissed passionately for a few minutes before pulling away.

"I have a feeling we may enjoy the trampoline more than she will." Regina muttered against Emma's lips.

"Oh I know we will." Emma replied.

"You two really are kinky bitches aren't you?" Cora asked waltzing into the room, having heard the last snippet of their conversation.

"You would know, since you continuously snoop through our sex drawer." Regina pointed out.

"Why do you do that?" Emma asked curiously.

"I get bored." Cora said with a shrug, "But now I will have a trampoline to entertain me."

Regina sighed and held out her hand, gesturing for the magazine that Cora was holding.

Once it was in her grasp she disappeared to the kitchen to place the order.

"Henry is quite excited to have a trampoline." Cora said with a smile to Emma, which made Emma beam in return.

"Looks like we're all gonna enjoy that trampoline." Emma smirked.

"Yes well do make sure you clean it after you two are done." Cora added, making Emma blush.

"Your trampoline is ordered and should be here in the next few days." Regina told her mother.

Cora squealed loudly once more.

"Must you do that?" Regina asked with a grimace.

"I'm excited."

"Yes but why that?"

"Would you rather me pee on the floor? Because that's what happened when I was a puppy."

Regina and Emma just stared at Cora for a moment.

"Did you have bladder issues as a dog?" Emma asked with a laugh.

"I just enjoyed being able to pee wherever I damned well pleased." Cora answered with an 'as a matter of fact' attitude.

"So mother how is the Swan Queen ship sailing?"

"The armada is strong as ever dear. I've been… taking care of those Captain Swan shippers… as well as the red queen and red swan shippers." Cora answered with a gleam.

"Mother what did you do?"

"Nothing dear… nothing to worry about." Cora answered distantly.

Emma and Regina shared a look.

"Soooo I heard a cheesy pick up line." Emma stated with a smirk, trying to change the subject.

"Oh is it one of your own?" Regina teased.

"Hey my pickup lines are good!" Emma scoffed.

"What is this pickup line?" Cora asked intrigued to hear what Emma had to say.

Emma cleared her throat before looking at Regina.

"Do you happen to have an extra heart? Because mine has been stolen." Emma finished with a smirk, making Regina roll her eyes at the ridiculousness that was her fiancée.

"WHAT EMMA SOMEONE STOLE YOUR HEART? WHO WAS IT THAT TOOK IT I WILL FIND THEM AND DESTROY THEM! THE ARMADA WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!" Cora yelled out suddenly, startling Regina and Emma.

"Cora it was just-." Emma tried.

"WAS IT THE CAPTAIN SWAN SHIPPERS? THEY WOULD RESORT TO SOMETHING SO LOW!"

"Woah Cora it's not like that."

"WAS IT THE RED SWAN SHIPPERS!"

"No Cora no one actually-."

"THIS SHIP WILL SAIL DAMNIT!" Cora screamed loudly before pulling out a walkie talkie.

"Where did she get that?" Regina asked pointing to the walkie talkie.

"Crossbow, come in crossbow, Captain of the armada over." Cora said into the walkie talkie, earning blank stares from Regina and Emma.

"Crossbow here, come in Captain." The walkie talkie screeched.

"Is that Granny?" Emma asked in disbelief.

"We have a serious situation. I need you to round the troops. The ship sails at dawn I repeat the ship sails at dawn." Cora muttered into the walkie talkie.

"What's happened Captain?!" Granny yelled over the walkie talkie.

"Emma's heart has been stolen I repeat, Emma's heart has been stolen." Cora said into the device.

Regina finally shook herself from her shock and moved to grab the walkie talkie, which Cora effectively avoided.

"THE SHIP WILL SAIL CAPTAIN!" Granny yelled before the talkie went silent.

Cora slowly turned to face Regina and Emma and quickly embraced Emma.

"I will get it back Emma, if it is the last thing I do." Cora said firmly before running from the room.

"Anyway you can speed up the delivery on that trampoline?" Emma asked with a smile.

"Already on it darling." Regina smirked as she held the phone to her ear.

 

* * *

 

"Alright people listen up." Cora stated to the room, "We have to plan this attack very, very carefully. No one from the Captain Swan ship can know about this."

"Mums the word everyone." Granny said to the room, standing next to Cora.

"For those of you that do not know, I have declared Granny as my first mate." Cora stated.

"HEY WHY NOT ME?!" Snow belted out.

"Because you keep flipping out over the animals and it's becoming quite taxing." Cora explained before going back to the plan.

"So here's what we will be doing. We need to find out who the Captain Swan shippers are." Granny said.

"We need to smoke them out." Cora said with a sly smile.

"What about if we have someone go under cover?" Charming asked.

"That would work. It'll be dangerous though." Cora said to Granny, making the older woman shrug in agreement.

"I vote that Belle go." Granny suggested, causing Belle to stand and begin walking to the front.

"I VOLUNTEER, I VOLUNTEER AS TRUBUTE!" Ruby yelled out.

"Damnit Ruby this is NOT the Hunger Games!" Cora huffed with an eye roll.

"Well I don't think Belle will be convincing, and it should be me I mean aren't there some people that are shipping me with Emma and Regina?" Ruby asked.

"There are." Cora said eyeing her suspiciously.

"For god sakes woman I am not against you!" Ruby said haughtily.

"Can't be too sure." Cora muttered to Granny, who nodded in agreement.

"Hey! Don't think I don't know about your Black Wolf ship thing going around." Ruby stated with an arched eyebrow.

Cora fumbled for words.

"That's what I thought." Ruby said flirtatiously with a wink, making Cora blush.

"Who do we know of that are hardcore Captain Swan shippers? Besides Hook." Belle asked.

"Rumple." Granny stated. "I heard him in the diner the other day discussing it with Mr. Schmee."

"Didn't he get turned into a rat?" Cora asked in confusion.

"He got better." Granny stated.

"So, Ruby you will speak with Gold… discreetly might I add, about the Captain Swan ship. Once you get in good you can get to Hook, earn his trust, and then when the time is right. THE ARMADA WILL STRIKE!" Cora bellowed.

"Huzzaaahh!" James yelled out, causing everyone to look at him strangely.

Snow just eyed her husband and gave a disapproving stare.

"Mother what are you-." Regina's voice died off as she examined the room.

The room fell deathly silent.

"Why is half of the town in my basement?" Regina asked suspiciously.

"Damnit, who was watching the door?" Cora demanded to Granny.

"Bashful was supposed to be watching the door." Granny stated.

"No Doc was supposed to be watching the door, Bashful was on snack duty." Cora countered.

"Well then who the fuck was watching the door?" Granny demanded the room.

"AH HEM!" Regina huffed out loudly, making the room look to her once more. "Again, why is half of the town in my basement and mother why are you wearing a Pirate hat?"

"I'm Captain." Cora stated as if it was obvious.

"Hey Regina have you seen my-." Emma's voice died as she came and stood next to her fiancée, eyeing the room.

"GODDAMNIT WHO IS WATCHING THE FUCKING DOOR!" Cora bellowed out to the room.

No one said anything.

"Peasants." Cora muttered.

"Why is half of the town in our basement?" Emma asked Regina.

"No idea but mother is captain, even has the hat to prove it." Regina stated.

Emma's eyes widened.

"Regina we gotta go." Emma whispered.

"Why?"

"It's the armada." Emma whispered back.

Their eyes flitted across the room; truthfully half of the town was in their basement (which was quite spacious thanks to some enchantments).

"Our armada?" Regina asked with raised eyebrows, her eyes landing on Snow and James.

"The Swan Queen armada saileth." Emma muttered before pulling her woman from the room.

"Seriously someone go watch the fucking door." Cora hissed out, pointing to Leroy to go do the job.

"Alright so are we all in agreement with the plan?" Cora asked the room.

When everyone nodded she started,

"Let's all state our pledge." Cora said.

The entire room in unison began.

"We are the Swan Queen Armada, Our ship shall sail and will not sink, We ship Regina Mills and Emma Swan, We sail proud and true, We are not just a ship, or an armada… WE ARE A NATION! SWAN QUEEN NATION!" The room bellowed out.

"Meeting adjourned." Cora stated before pounding her gavel.

* * *

 

"Mother come down here!" Regina called from the foyer.

"WHAT?!" Cora responded, a hint of irritation in her voice.

"You have a present!" Emma called up next, coming to stand by her fiancée.

In a flash Cora came charging down the stairs, stopping in front of the two women and looking at them with wide eyes.

"Present?" Cora asked with glee, becoming more excited by the minute.

"Follow us." Regina said with a smirk before turning on her heel and leading the women to the back yard.

"MY TRAMPOLINE!" Cora yelled happily before charging towards the new toy.

"Shoes off mother." Regina instructed.

Emma burst into a fit of laughter as she watched Cora attempt to pry the shoes from her feet, flailing like a fish out of water.

After a few failed attempts she finally succeeded in removing the shoes from her feet, and quickly hopped into the trampoline.

"What do I do?" Cora asked in a small voice, suddenly slightly terrified of what might happen.

"You jump mother." Regina stated with a smirk, just waiting for her mother's freak out.

Cora eyed them wearily before giving a small bounce, smiling with delight as she bunny hopped around the trampoline.

"Jump higher!" Emma called encouragingly, taking her shoes off and diving in.

"Come on Regina." Cora called with a smile.

"I'm good here." Regina replied back with a smirk, watching as Emma bounced lightly, so she wouldn't scare the older woman.

"You can jump higher." Emma stated to Cora waiting to see if the woman would.

Cora looked to Emma and then Regina before jumping high in the air and then landing and then springing back up in the air with a terrified expression on her face.

"SWEET HEAVEN I CAN FLY!" Cora screamed as she was sent up in the air before coming back down, making Emma crack up.

Cora hit the trampoline hard and in turn sent Emma flying back up in the air with her.

"EMMA I MUST STOP THIS BOUNCING!" Cora yelled out as she hit the trampoline once more, being sent through the air again.

"Just relax Cora!" Emma called out through a peal of laughter; her eyes finding Regina's highly amused ones.

"EMMA!" Cora yelled as she bounced again, arms flailing and magic pouring from her fingertips, as soon as her feet touched the trampoline she was catapulted high into the air, flying up and out of sight.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled in panic, watching Cora's disappearing form.

"Shit! Cora come back!" Emma yelled up to the sky, stilling her movements on the trampoline.

"I CAN FLY!" Cora called happily before falling into view. She quickly grabbed onto Emma and bounced high again, the magic carrying them both back up into the sky.

"MOTHER LET EMMA GO!" Regina yelled out, her voice terrified.

"It's okay Gina!" Emma called as they fell back into view.

"AGAIN!" Cora yelled happily as they bounced high once more, flying into the air.

"SHIT!" Emma yelled as Cora's grip loosened on her and she was sent falling back to the trampoline.

Regina flung her hand out and gently eased Emma back down to the trampoline, her eyes scanning the sky for her mother.

They waited a minute before they realized she didn't come back down.

"Fuck! Regina where'd she go?!" Emma yelled out in panic, scurrying out from the trampoline and towards her fiancée.

"Mother!" Regina called searching the area.

"Cora!" Emma yelled.

"Herumph." A muffled voice called from some bushes across the yard, sending Emma and Regina rushing towards them.

"Mom!?" Regina called worriedly as she pushed aside the bushes. She suppressed a giggle as she took in Cora's form, sprawled out amongst the bushes, twigs and leaves trapped in her hair and a dazed look on her face.

"You alright Cora?" Emma chuckled out.

"Mrpmh." Cora muttered, her eyes still staring at the sky.

"Was it worth it?" Regina asked with a smug smirk.

Cora finally turned her head and looked to her daughter, offering her a wide smile.

"Oh yeah."

 


	11. Brownies and The Ship That Will Not Sink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If any of you have Tumblrs, you can follow me at love-order-chaos-repeat. There have also been a few lovely people who created blogs based on these characters, which I recommend following!
> 
> There will also be quotes from Most Popular Girls in School in this chapter.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> WARNING: This chapter has references to drug use. Don't read if you have a problem with that.

**A message from Cora.**

"Hello, I'm sure all of you know me. Cora Mills. I'm speaking to all of you that have been reading this story that seem to so enjoy poking fun at my SwanQueen shipping obsession, my sexual comments, my ability to blow things up whenever scared, etc. But I am here to address an important issue…

"Please read what the author writes in bold. There will be important information regarding the story located at the top, including warnings.

"I suggest you take a look, NOT YET I AM NOT FINISHED SPEAKING TO YOU, YOU FOOL… now, after reading the words in bold at the top you may continue on to the story, and in case you disobeyed my command to read what they had written, there is a warning involving some drug use.

"Don't like it. Tough shit bitches. Cora out."

 

* * *

 

"I now call this meeting of the armada to order." Cora started, pounding her gavel and donning her Pirate hat.

"Now, we have called this meeting to discuss our progress on the undercover assignment of one Ruby Lucas." Granny finished, "Ruby would you please inform of us of your progress."

"I don't wanna do it anymore." Ruby said as she stood, earning a look from Cora.

"Why?" Cora demanded.

"Because I can't stand all the Captain Swan shipping, its… its too much. Everything has to be so sexual and it makes my skin crawl and they are just grasping at the straws with everything. I mean, Emma glanced at Hook the other day in the diner, in a 'what the fuck are you doing' sort of way and later that night the Captain Swan shippers were going nuts over it, thinking she was putting moves on him or something."

"Those bastards." Granny growled out, everyone nodding in agreement.

"I can't do it, it's hurting my shipper heart." Ruby stated before the door to the basement swung open.

Cora's eyes narrowed in on the intruder.

"Who the fuck are you?" Cora demanded, catching the intruder by surprise.

"Who the fuck are you?" He asked back.

"I asked you first."

"I asked you second."

Silence engulfed the pair before the intruder caved.

"I'm August." August stated crossing his arms.

"Who the fuck let you in here?" Granny demanded out.

"Leroy."

"What the hell is Leroy doing letting people in?" Cora asked Granny, making the woman shrug.

"I heard this is the place for people shipping SwanQueen." August stated again, receiving nods in unison from the large crowd.

"Leroy isn't even in charge of the door." Cora muttered to herself.

"Welcome August, glad to have you on board." Granny said as the man took a seat.

"So anyways, we need to plan out a strategy for war on the Captain Swan shippers." Cora began once more.

"We could pelt them with animals?" August suggested, earning a large gasp from Snow.

"WE WILL DO NO SUCH THING!" Snow screamed out, making Charming cringe at the shrill voice.

"What is your deal?" August asked Snow, confusion evident.

"Snow has a severe animal obsession." Cora answered, shooting a look to her future family member.

August nodded with wide eyes before turning back to Cora.

"We need something better… something… bigger." Cora thought out loud, tapping her chin as she thought.

"Nana are you down here?" Henry called as he entered the room.

"Seriously, who the fuck is watching the door?" Cora huffed out before moving to her grandson.

"Nana why is half of the town in our basement?" Henry asked in confusion.

"Henry this is a group for those of us who ship your mommies." Cora explained.

"Can I join?" Henry asked happily.

"Welcome aboard!" Cora chirped happily before sitting Henry down next to August.

"I have an idea!" Granny shouted out suddenly.

"Yes?" Cora asked excitedly.

"We know where they hold their meetings, we can go in stealthily, get Emma's heart back and then sabotage their meeting house."

"I never saw Emma's heart there." Ruby piped up.

"They must have hidden it." Cora stated.

"MY MA'S HEART IS MISSING!?" Henry yelled out panicked.

"We believe so-." Cora began but her grandson cut her off.

"WHO TOOK IT! WE HAVE TO FIND THEM AND GET IT BACK! THIS SHIP WILL NOT SINK!" Henry yelled out.

Cora sniffled and wiped and eye before looking to Granny.

"Taught the kid everything he knows." Cora said with a teary smile.

"So when do we strike Captain?" Granny asked Cora, the room waiting patiently.

"At Dawn… the ship will sail at dawn." Cora said with determination.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Granny shouted our happily.

"Meeting adjourned!"

 

* * *

 

"What on earth are, 'pot brownies'?" Cora asked herself as she eyed some strange post on Tumblr.

"Hey Cora, watcha looking at?" Emma asked with a smile and plopping down next to her future mother-in-law.

"Emma, what are 'pot brownies'?"

"Oh, umm, remember what you and I smoked a few weeks back?"

"Yes, weeds?"

"Weed. Cora. Weed." Emma corrected before continuing, "Instead of smoking it you put it in brownie batter and bake them and then eat them and get high."

"That sounds delicious." Cora said with a gleam in her eyes.

"Oh no. No Cora. Don't even think about it." Emma warned, "Regina was pissed enough the last time, I am NOT getting in trouble again." Emma said before standing and leaving the room.

"I will just get it myself then." Cora muttered to herself before magicking herself from the house and to the Sheriff's station.

She knew that Emma probably had some leftovers from their excursion a few weeks back, and she knew just where Emma kept any illegal artifacts she confiscated.

Cora quickly looked around the room before going to the locked cabinet in Emma's office, magically unlocking the door and causing it to swing wide open.

Cora gave a wide grin as she spotted the bag of goodies and quickly stashed it in her jacket before locking the cabinet once more and magicking back to the house.

Cora glanced around the corners, making sure that she was alone. It was lunchtime and Emma and Regina always shared lunch on Fridays… and more. Yeah Cora knew their schedules.

Henry was still going to be at school for another couple hours, leaving her completely alone in the house.

Cora grabbed a box of brownie mix from one of the cupboards and set to her baking, Regina had properly taught her how to use the oven so she wouldn't burn the house down.

Cora threw the mix together quickly and plucked the bag of pot from her jackets, smirking as she emptied the contents into the batter and began mixing it thoroughly.

She sat the tray inside of the oven and set the timer, now all she had to do was wait.

* * *

 

**_Update Status: What's up, Cora?_ **

**_Just finished making brownies, timer was set properly and everything, so Regina doesn't have to worry about me burning the house down. Also, friendly reminder to my ship mates about the festivities tomorrow._ **

**_Comments:_ **

**_Snow:_ ** _Aye Aye Captain!_

**_Emma:_ ** _When did you make brownies?_

**_Cora:_ ** _Just now, they are in the oven._

**_Emma_ ** _: … normal brownies?_

**_Cora:_ ** _Yes Emma. ;)_

**_Snow:_ ** _Oooooo brownies!?_

**_Emma:_ ** _Wait wait, what was that wink, why did you wink?_

**_Cora:_ ** _Yes Snow, I made brownies. I will eat some and then jump on my trampoline. And I winked because I can Emma… god._

**_Emma:_ ** _Whatever Cora._

**_Regina:_ ** _Just don't burn the house down._

**_Cora:_ ** _You know I thought I was the parent but it seems I have become yours and Emma's child._

**_Regina:_ ** _You will be treated how you act mother. And what are these festivities tomorrow?_

**_Cora:_ ** _Nothing you need to worry about dear… And I am letting that comment slide._

**_Snow:_ ** _I got the stuff…_

**_Cora:_ ** _Excellent._

**_Granny:_ ** _The fleet is ready._

**_Emma:_ ** _This sounds like a drug deal._

**_Regina:_ ** _Emma, perhaps we shouldn't ask questions regarding my mother's… recent activities._

**_Emma:_ ** _I am sheriff._

**_Cora:_ ** _If you know what is good for you, you will butt out._

**_Emma:_ ** _Woah Cora, heel._

**_Cora:_ ** _I will not allow you to interfere with our plans._

**_Regina:_ ** _I believe this is armada related activity Emma._

**_Emma:_ ** _All right I'll let it slide._

**_Snow:_ ** _I GOT A BUNNY!_

**_Cora:_ ** _What?_

**_Emma:_ ** _What?_

**_Regina:_ ** _What?_

**_Snow:_ ** _CHARMING BOUGHT ME A BUNNY RABBIT, IT'S SO CUTE._

**_Cora:_ ** _I will be surprised if it lives past Monday._

**_Emma:_ ** _I give it a week._

**_Regina:_ ** _I give it five days._

**_Snow:_ ** _What is that supposed to mean?_

**_Cora:_ ** _It means whatever the fuck you want it to mean._

**_Regina:_ ** _MOTHER!_

**_Emma:_ ** _Cora! Henry can see this!_

**_Cora:_ ** _He is in school… and my brownies just came out of the oven. Toodaloo…_

**_Regina:_ ** _Don't you dare._

**_Emma:_ ** _Cora._

**_Cora:_ ** _…Motherfuckers!_

**_Regina:_ ** _We never should have allowed her to watch The Hangover._

Cora smiled as she logged off of Facebook, knowing she would probably get hell for that little stunt, but she couldn't bring herself to really care.

She placed the tray on the cooling rack and waited a few minutes before cutting into the fluffy brownies, placing them on a plate and setting them on top of the fridge out of Henry's reach.

"Fuck! Henry!" Cora shrieked as she realized she had to go and pick up her grandson from the school, tearing out of the house in a flash.

 

* * *

 

Regina opened the door to their home, giving a pleased smile at the fact that the house was indeed still standing. Emma was still at work and Cora and Henry were off bonding. Cora didn't state what they were doing exactly but she felt it better to just not ask, especially since Henry kept referring to something called "Operation Heart attack."

Yes, it was better to just not ask.

She kicked her heels off and walked through the house, heading to the kitchen, expecting to find her kitchen a mess, but was pleasantly surprised to find her kitchen spick and span.

She looked around for these so called brownies, her eyes glancing up to the top of the fridge and noticing the plate there.

"What on earth are they doing up there?" Regina asked out loud, reaching up and grabbing the plate.

She examined the brownies and grabbed one from the plate, taking a large bite and moaning at the taste. They were actually really good.

She sat the plate back on the counter and continued to munch on the brownie, quickly finishing it and grabbing another. She moved to the refrigerator and began rummaging through it, looking for something to use for dinner that night.

The brownies hit Regina fast and hard, making her guzzle down the entire plate before running out back and to the trampoline.

She had quickly hopped inside and jumped high into the air.

"WWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She let out a loud yell as she skyrocketed a few times before landing on the ground and tearing off down the street.

She came to a halt outside of Ms. Bickersons house. The woman had been calling incessantly to her a few times each day, complaining about gnomes, and pixies eating her flowers and stealing items of hers.

Regina was fed up with it.

She magicked a baseball bat to her hand and took a swing at the mailbox.

"FOR THE QUEEN!" She yelled out as she swung, knocking the mailbox to the ground and busting into a fit of giggles as she realized what she yelled.

"Hahahaha for me." She laughed out, doubling over into another fit and tearing off down the street once more, letting her magic flare out everywhere.

 

* * *

 

Cora and Henry sat at the diner, side-by-side and drinking hot chocolate, going over plans for the Armada with Ruby.

"Oh shit, it's Hook." Ruby whispered hurriedly to the two before scampering off to tell Granny.

"Well, well, well, look at what the cat dragged in." Hook stated with a smirk as he stood next to Cora, causing the woman to look up at him and give a glare.

"What the fuck do you want?" Cora asked harshly as Ruby covered Henry's ears.

"Simple." Hook stated, cleaning his hook, "Emma."

"You aren't getting my ma!" Henry yelled out, hopping from his stool to stand in front of Hook.

"Holy shit is that a gremlin!" Hook shrieked out, hopping back a step and pointing to Henry.

"I'm not a gremlin, I'm a boy." Henry stated confused as his grandmother looked on in confusion.

"That sounds like something a gremlin would say." Hook said, rubbing his chin.

"I don't even know what that means."

"Whatever just no one fucking feed that thing after midnight." Hook said pointedly before turning back to Cora.

"I'll get Regina out of the picture and then I can have the Swan all to myself." He smirked.

"YOU ARE NOT GETTING MY MA!" Henry yelled as he kicked Hook in the shin.

"Ow what the bloody hell!" Hook shrieked as Henry came at him again.

"THE SHIP WILL SAIL ON!" Henry yelled again as he hopped on Hook, covering the mans eyes and hanging on for dear life.

"Let me go you gremlin!" Hook yelled as he spun around, trying to fling Henry off.

"Hold him still boy!" Granny yelled as she grabbed some rope, her and Cora quickly wrapping it around the man as Henry hopped off.

"You realize you've just declared war against the Captian Swan ship!" Hook yelled in anger, sitting on the floor of the diner tied up.

Very slowly the patrons in the diner rose and came to circle Hook, leaving Cora in the middle with him.

She looked around, smirking as she saw the crowd, and looked back to Hook.

"You messed with the wrong ship motherfucker." Cora said with a smug smile.

"Cora what is- WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!" Emma yelled out as she took in the state of Hook on the floor.

"He started it." Henry piped up.

"Kid, you were involved in this?" Emma asked in disbelief before looking back to Cora.

"Henry's the reason we tied him up." Granny interjected.

"I taught you well young padawan." Cora stated proudly to Henry, making the boy smile at his Nana.

"Ohhhh kay. Well I am just gonna pretend like I didn't see any of this and-."

"What the hell is that?" One patron piped up, making everyone look out the window and spot a very high Regina, barreling down the street with magic swirling out and around her.

"REGINA!" Emma shrieked out, running outside with everyone in the diner in tow.

"IT'S MAGIC BITCHES!" Regina screamed out as she ran, magic flaring out of her.

"Oh dear." Cora said simply as she watched her daughter haul ass.

Regina flew by them quickly, the magic making her speed incredible.

"GINA!" Emma called out as she took off after her fiancée.

"I'll go up ahead!" Cora called as she felt the smoke envelope her, causing to reappear up ahead of Regina.

"FIREEEEEE!" Regina yelled out suddenly as the flames shot out behind her, making her speed up.

Cora magicked a bucket of water into her hands before throwing it at her daughter, making the brunette stop in her tracks at suddenly being drenched.

"Gina! Gina are you okay?" Emma panted out, coming to a halt next to her fiancée.

Regina turned to look at Emma with a wide smile.

"Fine dear."

"You are not fine." Emma stated looking at Regina, her eyes widening when she realized. "Oh god you're high."

Regina just giggled in response and Emma couldn't help but smirk.

"Oh fuck she ate the brownies." Cora muttered to herself, but Emma heard.

"YOU MADE POT BROWNIES!"

"Well yes, did you honestly think I was going to listen to you when you told me no?" Cora asked haughtily.

"You should have! Look at your daughter! She's high as fuck and is spewing magic!" Emma yelled back at Cora.

"Oh please! She needed to loosen up!"

"I'm Sheriff how am I supposed to handle this?"

"FUCK THE POLICE!" Regina yelled out, startling Cora and Emma.

"Man that phrase really caught on." Cora muttered.

Emma's face flushed and even through Regina's high state she noticed.

"What's wrong Sheriff? Afraid that you won't be able to handle this?" Regina asked, a sultry smile playing on her lips as she inched closer to Emma, invading her personal space.

"Oh I can handle it." Emma mumbled out, her eyes transfixed on Regina's red lips.

Those same red lips had a tongue run over them while brown eyes looked on hungrily at the blonde, before lunging forward and capturing pink lips.

"UGHHH now their just gonna do it in the middle of the street." Cora muttered before conjuring another bucket of water and throwing it on the women, making them shriek in surprise.

"Keep it in your pants…" Cora started, shooting both of the women a glare, "Horny bitches."

"Emma I have an idea!" Regina yelled suddenly, very excited.

"What?" Emma asked before finding herself engulfed in purple smoke, Cora joining them.

When they reappeared Emma realized that they were all inside of Snow and Charming's apartment.

"Baby… what're we doing here?" Emma asked the brunette in confusion, Cora nodding in agreement.

Regina just giggled before rushing to Snow's bedroom, coming back shortly with a very white and large bunny rabbit.

"I'm stealing the rabbit." Regina giggled out.

"That's positively evil." Cora stated with a smile.

"Seriously you two?" Emma asked before once more being engulfed in smoke and appearing in their mansion.

"I'm going to grab a brownie." Cora stated before leaving the two women and the bunny in the room.

"Why the bunny?"

"Because it's funny."

"Snow is gonna be pissed."

"He will be sorely missed."

"Why are you rhyming?"

"Because I can."

"Seriously Gina?"

"Yes."

"You're like your mother when you're high."

"I don't need your hate."

"Regina."

"Emma." Regina shot back, still petting the bunny rabbit.

"OKAY WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY BROWNIES!?" Cora yelled out as she came in the room, holding an empty plate.

"I ate them." Regina stated simply.

"YOU ATE THEM ALL?!" Emma and Cora shrieked out at the same time.

"So good." Regina commented before she moved to the den, Cora and Emma following behind.

"Regina you shouldn't have eaten all of those brownies." Emma chided.

"I'll do what I want." Regina shot back before pulling her phone out and sending a text message.

"Oh no, no texting while high." Emma said as she grabbed the phone from Regina.

"It was to Snow." Regina said simply, a smirk gracing her face when she heard the front door of her home slam open.

"WHERE IS MR. FLUFFYKINS!" Snow shrieked out, running into the den with a crazed look.

"Hello Snow. Looking for this?" Regina said in her evil queen voice, holding up the rabbit.

"Let. Him. Go." Snow stated.

"Did we miss something?" Cora asked in confusion, Emma sharing the same look.

"You interrupted Emma and I the other night, I do NOT care to be interrupted during sex Ms. Blanchard." Regina stated with a smirk.

"It was an accident." Snow defended.

"Regardless, you interrupted, and now your rabbit will pay the price." Regina said with a smirk.

"What're you going to do to him?" Snow asked in a small voice.

"Well I was thinking stew."

A gasp.

"Or perhaps locking him in a room with Ruby during wolfs time."

Another gasp.

"But I think I've settled on this." Regina said before waving a hand over the rabbit, making its fur an ungodly shade of red.

"Reeegiiinnnaaaaaaa." Snow whined out as she looked at her bunny, "I hate red."

"I know." Regina smirked before handing the rabbit back to Snow.

 

* * *

 

"Cora have you seen Regina?" Emma asked worriedly.

"She was upstairs napping." Cora answered, currently sitting with her grandson and watching TV.

"She's gone."

"Oh crap."

"Nana, is mom okay?" Henry asked worriedly.

"She's fine kid. Cora you wanna help me?" Emma asked the woman, once she nodded in agreement they walked outside the mansion and began calling for Regina.

"Maybe we should try the back." Cora suggested, leading Emma to the backyard of the mansion.

"GINA!" Emma called out loudly. Putting a hand to Cora's shoulder to stop her from moving. "You hear that?"

Cora looked at Emma strangely before hearing it. A fit of giggles was coming from nearby.

Emma and Cora jogged ahead, coming to a halt under Regina's apple tree.

"Regina?" Emma asked in disbelief, her gaze frozen on her fiancée, currently sitting in her apple tree in just her skirt and bra.

"Apples." Regina stated before busting out laughing, as if what she just said was the funniest thing she had ever heard.

Cora busted out laughing and Emma joined in, their eyes trained in on Regina.

"What if trees get really sad when we pick the apples and eat them because it is their children?" Regina asked seriously, making Emma and Cora suppress a new fit of giggles.

"Oh?" Emma asked.

"We are eating tree babies." Regina stated seriously.

"Baby why don't you come down from the tree?" Emma asked holding a hand out which Regina took, helping the brunette down from her perch.

"Let's get you to bed." Emma whispered to the brunette.

 

* * *

 

"Hello? Hello?" Hook called out to the empty and closed diner.

"Hello Hook." A voice said from the shadows.

"Who's there! Let me go! I am a Captain!"

"Yes… of one ship…" The voice trailed off.

"Oh? And how many do you have?" Hook asked, unable to turn around due to still being tied up.

"Me?" The voice asked, stepping from the shadows and revealing her face.

"I have an armada." Cora stated with a toothy grin, Ruby and Granny coming from the shadows to join her.

"Cora. I should've known." Hook spat out.

"Where's Emma's heart Hook?" Granny asked, pointing her crossbow at the man.

"Her heart? I don't have her heart!" Hook spat out angrily.

"Damn right you don't." Ruby said with a roll of her eyes.

"Her enchanted heart." Cora specified.

"Enchanted Heart? Why on earth would you think I would have that?" Hook asked with a laugh.

The three women looked back and forth between each other.

"You don't have Emma's heart?" Cora asked in disbelief.

"No of course not. I can't remove hearts." Hook said with a roll of the eyes.

"Well fuck, we did this for nothing." Granny sighed.

"Not for nothing." Cora said with a glint in her eyes, advancing on Hook.

Ruby caught her drift and advanced as well, the same for Granny. Very slowly they closed in on Hook.

"NO! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! NOOOOOO!" Hook screamed out like a little girl, making the three women laugh evilly out loud.

Swan Queen 1- Hook 0.


	12. Shenanigans and The Super Bowl

**Chapter 12 is now up!**

**Just want to say a big thank you to** _**jess5626** _ **for the credit card idea for this chapter; as for** _**myevilregal** _ **you will get your Rachel Tice quote :)** **.**

**I know it was someone on Tumblr that gave me the suggestion of the Super Bowl being included in this chapter, I am so sorry that I can't remember who it was because I answered the question and didn't write the name down. So to the person that gave the suggestion, THANK YOU!**

**Thank you to everyone else who sent me suggestions and I can say that the majority of them will happen in a chapter at some point.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged. Please enjoy :)**

**Also, there are more Most Popular Girls In School quotes used in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Special Thanks to my lovely Beta and BFF SassySaviorSwag. :)**

* * *

Cora slowly raised her head from behind the counter, eyeing Regina's purse which sat in view, and yet just out of reach.

Very carefully she looked to her right and then to her left before quickly running around the counter and opening up Regina's purse.

She was curious as to what women in this world seemed to carry with them in the small, and large bags.

She rummaged through the purse, pulling out lipstick, tampons, face powder, some money etc.

Her eyes fell to a piece of glinty plastic though, making Cora's eyes widen as she held the card up to her eyes.

"Oooooo shiny." Cora cooed happily before placing everything back in Regina's purse except the card. She sat the purse back where it was and quickly ran out back to speak with Henry, who was currently bouncing on the trampoline.

"Henry!" Cora called out, stopping short of the trampoline and drawing her grandson's attention. "What is this object?" She held it up for inspection as he approached the net.

"It's a credit card."

"What does it do?"

"You can buy stuff with it. It's like money but all the money is on there." Henry said with a shrug.

"How much money are we talking about?" Cora asked seriously with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't know, I think it's infinite." Henry answered with a shrug. He was only eleven, how should he know about credit cards.

"Thank you!" Cora called happily before rushing back into the house.

* * *

"Sheriff Swan." Regina purred as she strutted into the office, making her fiancée look up at her with a smirk.

"Madame Mayor, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Emma replied, leaning back in her chair as she gave the brunette a once over.

"Well if you want to be cheeky I would say you owe it to me." Regina replied with a sultry smile before coming around Emma's desk and sitting on top of it.

She hooked her foot under Emma's chair and pulled the rolling object closer until Emma sat firmly between her legs.

"Lunch dear?" Regina cooed with a gleam in her eyes, making Emma give a large smile.

"Oh yes. I'm positively famished." Emma replied, hiking up Regina's skirt and pushing the underwear to the side.

"Not so fast Sheriff." Regina said, tipping Emma's head up to look at her. "I need a favor."

"I should've known." Emma sighed out before resting her head on Regina's bare thigh, "What do you need babe?"

"Aside from you?" Regina smirked, "I need you to write down everything you want me to pick up for the Super Bowl party tomorrow."

Emma let out a groan and nipped at Regina's inner thigh.

"You know I hate making lists." Emma grumbled.

"I know love, but if you want your beer and snacks and whatever food you wish me to make, you need to make me a list so I know what to pick up." Regina explained, running her fingers through the soft curls.

"Okay okay, I will make the list. When are you going shopping?" Emma asked, a hand wandering up Regina's thigh and then back down.

Regina sucked in a breath before replying.

"Tonight before dinner, so I need that list by two and it is already twelve thirty."

"I only need a half hour for lunch." Emma replied before pushing Regina's legs apart.

"Mmmm then don't let me keep you Sheriff."

* * *

Cora walked through the recently built mall that now resided in Storybrooke, her eyes widening at all of the shops.

She had come with Regina when she first arrived so her daughter could purchase outfits for her, but she hadn't paid much attention to the store since her daughter insisted on having her try every outfit she could find, on.

She paused outside of one store in particular and walked in, eyeing all of the business suits and various outfits.

"Oh this will be fun." Cora said to herself before running through the store, pulling various suits from the racks and rushing to try them on.

It took her about a half hour to try on the clothes and make her purchases.

"That'll be $200 even." The cashier girl stated; Cora smiled before handing over Regina's credit card, the young girl not even bothering to check the name.

"Just sign here." The girl said as she pushed the receipt to Cora, the woman quickly scribbling Regina's name down and passing it back.

She smirked triumphantly as she walked out of the store with her recent purchases.

She ran store to store, not caring how much of a bill she was racking up. Regina owed it to her anyways since Cora had to listen to Regina bitch about her Tumblr. Feeling generous, she even picked up a surprise for the girls.

Shoes would be the next things on her list, which made her pick up her pace to the nearest shoe store.

She eyed each pair with a smile, looking at all of the possibilities before her eyes landed on a pair up ahead, her eyes caught the size of the shoe on the box, being the only pair left.

Cora looked to her left, spotting none other than the Blue Fairy standing there, eyeing the same pair of shoes.

Their eyes met and then drifted to the shoes, and then back to each other.

"Blue." Cora stated simply.

"Cora." Blue replied.

"How's the convent these days, still keeping Holy?" Cora asked with a smirk.

"Holier than you." Blue spat out, glaring daggers at the woman.

Cora eyed the fairy suspiciously.

"You know something Blue?" Cora asked with a raised eyebrow.

"A little… Captain." Blue seethed out.

"Let me guess… you're a Captain Swan shipper." Cora stated, neither woman moving from their spots.

"Oh yeah… and there's more of us than you think."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well I have news for you, you little twinkle toes, I have a fucking armada. Come at me bro." Cora stated proudly.

"We are gonna fuck up your ship so badly, it won't be able to sail for months."

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"

"NO!"

Cora let out a growl before her eyes flickered back to the shoes.

"See something you like Blue?" Cora asked with a smirk, making a move to grab the shoes.

Blue dove head first, her hand about to grasp the box when it disappeared before her very eyes. She quickly turned her head and let out a groan as Cora stood there with a smug expression, the shoes in her hand.

"YOU CHEATED!" Blue shrieked out, quickly standing.

"I did not. We both have magic Blue… yours is just." Cora trailed off with a smirk, "inconvenient."

Cora let out a hearty laugh before looking back at Blue.

"Sass delivered. I'm out bitches." Cora said and turned with a flourish, walking towards the counter to pay for the shoes.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Blue shrieked, diving for Cora and tackling the woman to the ground.

"GET OFF OF ME YOU FAIRY TWIT!" Cora yelled back, shoving the shoes away from her as she wrestled with Blue.

"OLD HAG!" Blue shrieked.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY BITCH?!" Cora sat up, straddling Blue and a snarl on her face. She dove back down, grabbing Blue's hair as they kicked and swatted at each other.

"Ladies! Ladies!" The manager yelled out to the wrestling women.

"GOD YOU ARE SUCH A RACHEL TICE!" Cora yelled as she delivered a slap to the woman's face.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!" Blue yelled as she slapped Cora back.

"IT MEANS YOU'RE A STUPID FUCKING ABORTION!" Cora yelled as she dove at Blue once more, knocking the woman off of her knees and back to the ground.

"TAKE IT LIKE A BITCH CORA!" Blue yelled as she dove on top of Cora, pinning her to the ground.

"FUCKING RACHEL TICE!" Cora yelled back as she tried to pry herself from Blue's grasp.

"Isn't that the mayors mother?" An employee asked the manager, the manager's eyes widened and he quickly ran to a phone.

"I WILL SINK YOUR SHIP CORA MILLS!"

"ITS CAPTAIN!" Cora yelled as she broke free and swung at Blue, knocking her back to the ground. "CAPTAIN Cora Mills!"

Cora performed a wrestling dive she had seen on TV with Henry, jumping into the air and landing on Blue, knocking the wind out of her as her elbow collided with Blue's stomach.

* * *

"Fuck Regina!" Emma cried out as her orgasm subsided, she could feel Regina's smirk against her thigh and swatted at her hair playfully.

"Mmmm you did that already darling." Regina cooed, picking herself up from between the blonde's thighs and searching for their discarded clothing. She looked to the clock and let out a sigh.

"Guess you want that list huh?" Emma asked with a smirk as she pulled out the notepad from her desk drawer.

"Get dressed dear, the last thing we need is for someone to come in and see us both bare ass naked."

Emma let out a chuckle as she hopped down from the desk and began to dress, the phone on her desk letting out a shrill ring.

"Mayor Mills, speaking for Sheriff Swan." Regina answered, flashing a smile to Emma who was struggling with her skinny jeans.

Regina's face fell and her eyes widened at the voice on the phone.

"SHE IS WHAT!" Regina yelled into the phone, her eyes burning with anger.

Emma swallowed, immediately knowing that her future mother-in-law was in trouble for something.

"We will be there in a second." Regina replied before slamming the phone down. "EMMA LET'S GO!" She yelled before grabbing onto Emma, magicking them to the mall.

Luckily Emma had managed to snag her shirt as they departed.

* * *

"I WILL DESTROY YOUR HAPPINESS!" Cora yelled as she continued to wrestle with Blue on the floor. By now they had drawn a crowd with their fight and no one was willing to break it up.

"Taking lines from your daughter now!?" Blue yelled out in anger as she struggled to get out from underneath Cora.

"MOTHER WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" Cora froze right where she sat and Blue stopped struggling, both women craning their heads to look at the furious former Evil Queen, and her half dressed fiancée behind her.

"Why does Emma not have a shirt on?" Cora asked in confusion as Emma struggled to pull her shirt over her head as the last remains of the smoke disappeared.

"Well see-." Emma started.

"Awwww you guys were fucking again weren't you?" Cora asked with a roll of the eyes, glancing down at Blue, "They are always doing it, I don't know how either of them are still walking."

"Ew." Blue stated with a grimace, making Cora smirk.

"Awww does the little blue fairy not like hearing about Regina and Emma's sex life because she ships Emma with a walking penis?" Cora asked in a baby voice.

"MOTHER THAT IS ENOUGH!" Regina yelled out, startling the women once more and silencing the crowd.

"Cora as Sheriff I'm gonna have to take you in for assault." Emma stated walking to the women.

Blue flashed a triumphant smirk.

"You too Blue." Emma corrected.

"All you bitches are Rachel fucking Tice." Cora muttered as she stood and moved away from Blue, letting Regina grab her by the arm as Emma grabbed blue.

"Ms. Mills, don't forget your purchases." The manager said, running to the women with a slew of packages.

"Purchases?" Regina asked her mother with a raised eyebrow, receiving a sheepish smile in return from her mother.

The manager sat them by their feet and walked away.

"Let's go." Regina said, her voice low as she waved a hand over the packages and Emma, making them all disappear and reappear in the sheriff station.

"Alright you two, into the cells." Emma instructed as she walked the women to the back, placing each of them in a cell.

"Mother, care to explain how you afforded all of these items?" Regina asked her mother, sitting on top of the desk and waiting for an answer.

"Imighthavestolenyourcreditca rd." Cora muttered out in a quick breath, her eyes downcast in shame.

"You what now?" Regina asked.

"I stole your credit card." Cora said again.

Regina's eyes widened and Emma moved a few paces away, just in case.

"You did what!?" Regina shrieked out, standing up from the desk and advancing on the cell, her hands grasping the bars.

"I wanted to go shopping."

"How much did you spend?"

"Probablylikeathousand." Cora muttered.

"ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS!"

"Maybe… give or take."

Regina grew very quiet and everyone stood still.

"I'm going to fucking murder you!" Regina yelled and reached through the bars, attempting to grab her mother.

"GINA NO!" Emma yelled as she ran to her fiancée, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her away from the bars.

"EMMA LET ME GO!" Regina yelled, pulling away from Emma and reaching for the bars once more while Cora shrank to the back of the cell.

"NO! LET GO!"

"SHE SPENT A THOUSAND DOLLARS EMMA! ON CLOTHING!"

"HOW IS THAT ANY DIFFERENT THAN YOU!"

"IT'S MY FUCKING MONEY!" Regina yelled.

By this point Regina was grasping the bars with her hands while Emma had a hold on her legs, attempting to pry her away, leaving her hovering in the air.

"Regina I bought you and Emma something." Cora said in a small voice, approaching the bars.

Regina stopped yelling and Emma stopped tugging, but Regina didn't let go and neither did Emma.

"What?" Regina asked as her legs were gently lowered to the ground.

"The black bag Emma." Cora directed, Emma walked back with a black bag and opened it up, her eyes widening.

"Cora what the-."

"I thought you and Regina might like it."

Regina peaked into the bag, her eyes widening as she pulled out the new strap on, vibrator, and shower sex handle holders.

"You two have sex in the shower a lot and the vibrator is waterproof." Cora said with a small smile.

Emma's face broke out into a smile and she glanced to Regina.

The blonde noticed how Regina's eyes had darkened considerably as soon as she looked at the toys.

"I can't decide if this is sweet or awkward." Regina muttered out.

"SWEET!" Cora and Emma yelled in unison.

"Awkward." Blue piped up, earning a hard look from Cora.

"Shut the fuck up Rachel Tice." Cora seethed out.

"You're calling her Rachel Tice now?" Emma asked.

"Well she is!" Cora defended.

"Thank you." Regina said to her mother with a genuine smile.

"You're quite welcome."

"Now what else did you buy with my money?" Regina asked crossing over to the slew of purchases.

Cora gave a huff as Regina began rummaging through the bags, gasping and groaning as she looked at each purchase.

"BURBERRY! PRADA!" Regina yelled out, holding up the blazers, "Mother I commend you on your taste but really?!"

"Like you don't have the money!" Cora yelled back.

"I have a wedding to pay for!" Regina yelled out.

By this point Emma was sitting on top of a desk, her and the Blue Fairy giving each other eye rolls at the mother and daughter duo.

"How big is this wedding supposed to be that you can't spend a little money on your poor old mother?" Cora asked haughtily.

Regina stared her down, the vein in her forehead popping out slightly.

"I can't handle this." Regina huffed out before turning around and leaving to do some grocery shopping.

"That's right, walk away… like a bitch." Cora mumbled, loud enough though that Regina heard it.

"Oooooo." Blue breathed out, Emma's eyes widening.

"What did you say to me?"

"Nothing." Cora said quickly, making Regina narrow her eyes at her before speaking.

"I'm off to shop for the party." Regina stated before exiting the room.

Emma looked at Regina's retreating form.

"Alright if I let you two out can you behave?" Emma asked the two caged women, when she received a nod she released them, "Alright Cora, come on. We have Super Bowl planning to do."

* * *

Emma was always a fan of the Super Bowl, even if her favorite team wasn't in it this year. She figured she would root for the Ravens this year, might as well since she wasn't a big fan of the SF forty-niners.

Emma began getting Regina's rec room ready, located in the basement and complete with a big screen plasma TV, surround sound, bar, and mini kitchen.

She had made Cora magick it clean earlier since the woman had left the basement a mess with her "Swan Queen" meetings, someone had to clean it and it sure as hell wouldn't be Emma.

So while Cora helped her magick Raven banners and footballs throughout the room, Regina was upstairs cooking away. Emma was in charge of the snacks and beverages while Regina was in charge of food.

The whole family was going to be over, including Archie, Granny, Ruby, Belle, August, and Marco.

Might as well celebrate in style.

"Emma, what is this?" Cora asked pointing to the steel keg that was currently sitting in a tub of ice.

"That Cora is a keg of beer." Emma answered as she finished topping off her nachos.

"I see." Cora replied with a large smile.

"If the Ravens are winning at half time, you're doing a keg stand." Emma commented with a chuckle.

"Sounds fun!" Cora replied happily as she finished stocking the fridge with bottled beer and soda for Henry.

"Emma, your parents are here!" Regina called from upstairs, not at all surprised when her father came down the basement stairs with two six packs.

"I didn't know what to bring so I brought more beer." James said with a smile, making Emma laugh and point to Cora.

"Give it to her, she's on beverage duty."

"The basement looks great Em." James commented as he eyed the banners.

"Cora's doing." Emma replied with a smile.

"Okay, I have mini hot dogs, burgers, finger sandwiches, pigs in a pickle, and lasagna." Regina said as she came down the stairs, carrying the lasagna while Snow followed behind with the mini hot dogs and sandwiches, and Henry behind her with the remainder.

"Looks great baby." Emma said happily as she helped her fiancée begin setting the items on the counter.

"Anyone home!" Granny called from upstairs, quickly descending with Ruby and Belle in tow.

"Come on in." Regina said with a smile before walking to her mother, "behave yourself."

Cora looked visibly offended.

"Me?"

"Yes you, I know how you and Granny get when you're around each other."

"Captain- I mean Cora." Granny corrected quickly, earning a stare from Cora.

"Cora we all know you Captain the Armada, don't look so spooked." Emma said with an eye roll.

Shortly after, Archie arrived with Pongo and August and Marco, all of them settling down on the many available seats in the basement, ready for the game to begin.

Regina sat and watched on in amusement, not really a fan of football herself, but she did love seeing Emma so into the game, cheering loudly when the Ravens did something good, and booing when they didn't.

Granny was the most into it out of all of them; she would get up after a touchdown, flex her arms in front of her and let out a growl. Cora thought it was quite amusing as well.

"Alright half-time! And Ravens are winning so Cora, that means a keg stand!" Emma called happily, everyone in the room cheering for that, except Regina. Who told Emma that if Cora threw up, Emma would be cleaning it.

"Okay you have about five minutes before Beyonce comes on." Emma said as she led Cora to the keg, instructing her how to properly do a keg stand.

"This is gonna be awesome." Ruby said with a smile, watching on in amusement as Belle shook her head.

"CORA! CORA! CORA!" Granny started chanting as Emma held Cora's legs up for her to do the stand.

Cora began chugging, finding this quite enjoyable and tasty.

Finally after she couldn't take anymore she was lowered down, everyone cheering, including Regina.

"Regina?" Snow broke in with a small voice.

"Snow, what's wrong?" Regina asked in confusion.

"Have you um…" Snow trailed off, clearly distraught about something but keeping it in.

"Snow let it out, what's wrong?" Regina pushed.

"I CAN'T FIND MR. FLUFFYKINS!" Snow yelled out, her eyes big.

"You mean she brought that fucking mammal?" Cora asked with an arched eyebrow.

"HE IS A BUNNY RABBIT! A BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BUNNY RABBIT!"

"I guess he's white again?" Granny asked Regina, having heard the story from Cora. Regina nodded with a small smile.

"Snow I told you to leave him at home." James stated.

"But I didn't want him to be alone… we're his family."

"Oh Jesus fu-."

"Don't finish that mother." Regina snapped, cutting Cora off so Henry wouldn't hear it.

"The kid isn't even down here." Emma reminded Regina. Henry had started to doze off before halftime even hit, sending him straight to bed.

"Snow I know you love Mr. Fluffykins, but he is just a rabbit." James stated softly.

Snow turned to look at him very slowly.

"Oh fuck." Granny muttered to Cora, the two women's head leaning together as they watched.

"It's about… to go… down." Cora muttered back.

"Just a rabbit? JUST a rabbit James?" Snow started, "He is NOT just a rabbit. HE IS A MEMBER OF THIS FAMILY AND WILL BE TREATED AS SUCH!" Snow screamed out.

"Whoop there it is." Cora said with a smirk as Snow began verbally abusing James.

"Hey." Archie said, no one acknowledging it.

"Hey." He tried again.

"HEY!" He yelled finally, everyone stopping their conversations to look at him.

"WHAT!?" Everyone yelled back.

"Where's Pongo?" Archie asked slowly.

Silence filled the room.

"FUCK!" Emma yelled.

"SHIT!" Regina shrieked out.

"MR. FLUFFYKINS!" Snow cried.

"FIND THAT RABBIT!" Granny called sprinting from the room.

"God forbid the dog eats him." Cora commented, earning a glare from Regina who was halfway up the stairs, "WHAT! You'll shit bricks if blood gets on any surface of this house!"

"PONGO!" Archie called as everyone scattered from the room, quickly running through Regina's mansion trying to find the animals.

"FLUFFY!"

"PONGO!"

"I can't believe I am missing Beyonce for this shit." Emma mumbled as she checked under the couch.

"We can have our own show after the game if you'd like." Regina whispered, kneeling down by Emma and running a hand up her back, "Try out the gifts from my mother."

"CAN YOU TWO KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS FOR FIVE MINUTES!" Snow shrieked out before running from the room again, leaving the blonde and brunette stunned.

"I can't find them anywhere!" James called to the group, all of them inhabiting the dining room now.

"We checked the whole house." August stated.

"What about outside?" Marco suggested, everyone's eyes widening as they turned to the sliding doors, seeing them cracked open slightly.

"Oh shit." Emma mumbled as they all rushed outside, stopping dead in their tracks as they watched Pongo humping Snow's bunny rabbit, with little success.

"HE IS DEFILING MR. FLUFFYKINS!" Snow cried out, ready to run to the animals but James stopped her.

Cora looked on in amusement before busting out into a loud laugh and pointing at the animals, she then proceeded to fall on the ground and roll in laughter.

"Your rabbit." She laughed out, "Is getting humped… by PONGO!" Cora laughed out, still rolling on the ground.

"Mother that is hardly appropriate." Regina tried to say with a straight face, failing miserably.

Finally their attention was drawn to the white ball of fur that ran past them and into the house, Pongo barreling after the rabbit.

"Oh no!" Snow cried as everyone ran back into the house, chasing after the animals.

"THEY'D BETTER NOT DESTROY ANYTHING!" Regina yelled out as they tried to catch the animals. Regina made a dive for the rabbit but just missed it, followed by Emma who attempted to grab Pongo but ended up on top of Regina.

August tried next, falling on his ass as Pongo ran between his legs and knocked him over, Marco dove out of the way just in time. Archie tried calling for Pongo but with little success while Snow kept screaming for the rabbit, chasing after the two animals in the hopes they would stop.

"NOT THE BASEMENT!" Emma yelled out as her and Regina scrambled to their feet, running after the animals with everyone in tow.

Granny attempted to grab the rabbit but ended up getting knocked into the nachos Emma made, spilling them everywhere on her. Ruby tried to grab Pongo but was sent into the air when he took out her legs, knocking her into the mini hotdogs and sending them flying.

Finally Cora dove over the couch and landed in front of the rabbit, grabbing it when it ran into her arms before she quickly rolled out of the way of Pongo, who Archie managed to grab.

By the end of it all Regina looked around her basement, food everywhere, banners hanging haphazardly, and a very angry Emma at seeing her poor nachos over Granny.

"I'm going to kill that rabbit." Emma muttered out to Regina.

"NO ONE IS GOING TO HURT MY BUNNY!" Snow yelled out as James took the rabbit from Cora.

"THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS SNOW!" James yelled at his wife before huffing and moving to Emma and Regina.

"Thank you both for this fun filled evening, but I am heading home and I am taking the rabbit with me. He's going back to the pet store tomorrow." James stated before exiting the room.

"But. But. But." Snow stuttered out before bursting into tears.

"I need a shot." Regina said to Emma, moving them away from the sobbing mess that was Snow White, and to the bar where her and her fiancée toasted a shot.

"At least he didn't get eaten." Cora offered.

"Yeah Snow, the bunny could have been eaten by Pongo instead of humped." Granny pointed out.

"I don't think you're helping." Belle spoke up, sitting on the couch with Ruby and drinking an iced tea.

" _And the Ravens win the Super Bowl!"_ The announcer on the TV said, drawing everyone's attention.

"UGH I missed the whole game practically!" Emma huffed out in agitation, her head falling on Regina's shoulder.

"It's alright darling, I'll make it up to you." Regina whispered saucily in the blonde's ear, making her perk up.

"OUT! EVERYBODY OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW!" Emma yelled out suddenly as she hopped up and began shooing everyone out of the house.

Leaving Granny and Cora sitting downstairs in the basement with the mess of food to clean while Emma and Regina had their fun in their bedroom.

"Bet they're using the toys I got them." Cora said with a smirk.

"Kinky bitches." Granny commented, earning a chuckle from Cora.

"I taught you well."

"Here's to Super Bowl parties and getting Swan Queen laid." Granny said raising her beer.

"I'll drink to that."

* * *

**A:N/ Hope you all liked this update.**

**Remember, Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**


	13. Regal Knights VS White Hookers

**Here you go everyone, Chapter 13.**

**Hope you all enjoy**

**Big thanks to** _thechic-geek_ **and** _asraiaysoph_ **on Tumblr.**

**Also a thank you to** _To Save A Life_ **here on ff for the suggestion :)**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged, enjoy!**

* * *

Cora sat at the table, arms crossed, a pout on her face.

It wasn't working.

Regina was still mad at her for spending a thousand dollars on clothing. Even though she had bought them some toys… well Regina technically bought them herself, BUT SHE PICKED THEM OUT.

That was worth something...

Right?

Wrong.

So here Cora sat, a pout on her face as she watched Regina argue with Emma a little over Cora's punishment.

"Baby, she can be my deputy at the station, I'll keep an eye on her." Emma assured, pulling Regina into her arms.

"Emma no! Remember the last time she was your deputy for a day?" Regina huffed out, accepting the embrace.

"True… well what do you suggest?" Emma asked, completely ignoring the brunette sitting in the corner like a toddler.

"This is bullshit." Cora muttered out, loud enough for the girls to hear.

"Mother please." Regina breathed out, feeling a headache coming on.

"Mother please." Cora mocked, making her voice higher pitched but with Regina's edge to it.

"MOTHER!"

"MOTHER!"

"STOP IT RIGHT NOW!"

"STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" Cora mocked back, her eyes gleaming in amusement as Emma stifled a snicker.

Regina glared angrily before Emma pulled her closer, instantly calming her.

"What's your idea?" Emma asked once more, rubbing soothing circles over Regina lower back.

"I think she should have to get a job and actually work. I think waitressing at Granny's would be good." Regina suggested.

"You know Granny is my best friend right?" Cora asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement.

"Yes I am aware mother, but you don't realize how… hardworking, Granny is." Regina replied, flashing her familiar Evil Queen smirk.

Emma visibly gulped when she saw that smirk; it never boded well for anyone who was on the receiving end.

Even Cora turned a few shades lighter.

"Okay." Cora squeaked out, not wanting to argue with her daughter.

"Excellent. Why don't we go and have that chat with Granny now?" Regina suggested, pulling from Emma's embrace and walking from the room.

"I have a feeling I'm not going to like this." Cora said to Emma.

Upon receiving a nod from Emma they followed the former Evil Queen from the room and to the diner.

"Miss Lucas, could you please get your grandmother for me?" Regina asked politely.

"Sure thing Madame Mayor." Ruby said before seeing Emma and Cora enter, "Hey Emma! Cora!" Ruby said with a smile before heading to the back to fetch Granny.

"Madame Mayor." Granny stated respectfully, her face breaking into a smile as she eyed the three women, "Table?"

"Actually I was wondering if you would be willing to take on another worker." Regina replied with a smile.

"Sure I can always use more help around here." Granny stated.

"Excellent." Regina replied before shoving her mother forward, "As you know my mother owes me some money and well… she needs to work for it."

"Welcome aboard Captain." Granny said with a smile, "Why my diner though?"

"Well it was either here or the Rabbit Hole, and I don't think Regina wants to hear about her mother stripping for Storybrooke." Cora replied bitterly.

"You would seriously want to take your clothes off for these people?" Emma asked with a laugh while Regina grimaced.

"HEY! I have a hot body." Cora replied saucily, "Don't believe me, ask Leroy."

"I can attest to that. It's all Leroy goes on about. Your mom is a MILF Regina." Ruby chimed in with a wink, making Cora's eyes light up.

"Okay that's enough. Granny take… take care of her." Regina muttered out before turning on her heel and pulling Emma along with her.

"Okay Cora. I want you to start out by waitressing. I'll show you how everything works, follow me." Granny said with a smile, leading Cora through the steps.

* * *

"How are the preparations going Blue?" Hook asked with a smile.

"Well Captain. We are almost ready to depart." Blue answered her Captain.

"Excellent. Cora has been laying low for the past few days after her little incident with you. Which leaves the town open for possibilities." Hook responded before donning his leather jacket.

"Your bike is ready Captain!" Mr. Smee piped up, running up to the dark haired man with enthusiasm.

"My dear ship mates prepare to take over the town of Storybrooke! The Captain Swan ship WILL sail!" Hook called out, looking at his crew of twenty.

"AYE AYE CAPTAIN!" They all called back.

"Today… WE RIDE!" Hook yelled out, receiving a chorus of agreement from the crew.

* * *

"This is such bullshit Ruby." Cora muttered to the brunette as she rushed by, heading to take another patrons order.

Not only did she have to work at this insufferable job to pay Regina back, but also at her daughters' suggestion, she had to wear a most embarrassing outfit.

Apparently her grandson had been in on it as well since he watched the cartoon that created it, Regina magicking it into existence.

Cora donned the official Weenie Hut Jr. outfit from Spongebob, that cartoon with the yellow sponge that Henry so adored.

Apparently Henry thought it would be amusing, which Regina and Emma agreed on.

So far today Granny had been working her like a mule, Regina wasn't kidding about the woman.

She paused in front of the patron, clearing her throat.

"Welcome to Granny's diner, where friendly service is a priority, what can I get for you?" Cora asked with a fake smile.

"I'll have… a hamburger, an order of fries, anddddd a strawberry shake." The man said with a smile.

Cora began to write the order down when he interrupted.

"No. Diet Coke."

Cora scratched out the shake.

"No. Strawberry shake."

Cora wrote it back down.

"No. Diet Coke."

"OH FOR FUCK SAKE! MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND YOU INDECISIVE TROLL!" Cora yelled out in frustration, startling the patron.

"CORA!" Granny yelled in warning from behind the counter, making the older brunette grumble before looking back at the man.

"My apologies… what would you like?" She repeated, a tight smile on her face.

"Strawberry shake." The patron answered as Cora wrote it down. "No wait…"

Cora paused her writing, tightening her hold on her pen.

"Both." The patron answered with a smile.

"You know that I was the Queen of Hearts correct?" Cora asked with a low voice, making the man gulp before she walked away in a huff, handing the man making the orders her slip.

"You okay Cora?" Ruby asked with a sympathetic smile.

"No. This stupid outfit is causing people to snicker at me when they walk by." Cora pouted.

"You look cute." Ruby complimented, bumping her shoulder with Cora's and making the older woman smirk. "If the outfit bothers you so much why don't you magick it away?"

"Regina enchanted it, only her magic can remove it." Cora said with disgust.

"BOTH OF YOU! OFF YOUR ASSES! ORDERS UP!" Granny shrieked from the back, effectively startling the women into gear.

Cora grabbed the patron with the strawberry shakes order and she had just sat his food down when the door to Granny's swung open.

"Bring me some Rum." Hook boasted out, making Cora roll her eyes before turning to look at him.

His eyes trailed across the room, landing on Cora and her ridiculous outfit.

"Cora… what on earth happened to you? Did your ship sink?" Hook asked with a smirk as he took in her outfit.

"My ship is just fine Hook, more than I can say for yours or that twat of a first mate you have." Cora shot back, matching his smirk with her own.

"Oooooh, fiery. I love my women that way." Hook replied cockily.

"Mmmm, just how I like my men." Cora said with a smirk, walking towards Hook.

"Fiery?" Hook asked in amusement.

"More like crispy." Cora commented, showing him the fireball burning in her hand.

"Oh Cora, you wound me so." Hook said with fake hurt, "I'm surprised your daughter let you off her leash long enough to have a job and dress like…"

He trailed off, his eyebrows knitting in confusion.

"What on earth are you dressed like?"

"You know, I really have no fucking clue." Cora replied, looking down at her outfit.

"It's quite awful."

"It's hideous."

"Not to mention embarrassing."

"It's absurd."

"Preposterous." Hook finished, the two trailing off into silence before Hook continued, "Did your daughter do this?"

"Indeed."

"She's quite the creative one isn't she?"

"Oh you have no idea, you should hear her and Emma having sex."

"That creative huh?"

"Oh yeah they are seriously the kinkiest bitches I have ever met."

"Can't deny that there."

"Did you just agree with me?" Cora asked in surprise.

"What?"

"What?"

The stared at each other, Hook's eyes slightly widened.

"Well I best be off, have new recruits to well… recruit." Hook said before turning, allowing Cora to see that back of his jacket.

"White Hookers?" Cora asked in amusement, making Hook turn around.

"Oh yes love, White Hookers, it's the official Captain Swan biker gang." Hook replied with a smirk before leaving the building.

"White Hookers?" Granny asked, coming to stand next to Cora.

"That is a horribly stupid name."

"I'll say; he probably came up with it."

"He is not the brightest." Cora agreed.

"Okay seriously Cora you gotta go ask Regina to allow you to take that outfit off, I think you're scaring off my customers." Granny said pointedly, making Cora huff in agitation before leaving to get Regina.

* * *

"Emma." Regina panted out, her hand firmly planted on the top of Emma's head, her fingers tangling in the blonde curls as she held her tight against her center.

With Cora out of the house and Henry off at school, the two women decided to stay home for the day and do more productive things… each other.

"Yes! Right there!" Regina moaned again, just on the edge of her release.

_Just a little more_. Regina thought to herself as she felt her orgasm building, just on the cusp of breaking.

"Emma get your head out from between my daughters legs, this is important!" Cora yelled out, slamming the door wide open and making both women jump.

"Fuck!" Regina shrieked out as Emma forcefully pulled away from her, throwing the covers up over them so they were decent.

"CORA WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!" Emma yelled out angrily, her eyes glaring daggers at the woman.

"Regina you un-enchant this blasted uniform this instant!" Cora huffed out.

"You really think I would do you a favor NOW?" Regina asked in angry disbelief, frustrated beyond belief that she had been so close just to be denied.

Cora rolled her eyes.

"You un-enchant this uniform and I will take Henry out of the house once a day for a week for… let's say three hours." Cora suggested.

"Four." Emma stated, just as frustrated.

"Fine four."

"Do I get a say in this matter?" Regina demanded.

"NO." Emma and Cora said together.

"Baby the sooner we compromise the sooner I can pick up where I left off. Ya dig?"

Regina gave the blonde a disapproving stare for using 'ya dig', before nodding in agreement with her logic.

She waved her hand, effectively un-enchanting the wardrobe her mother was sporting.

"There. No will you please get out of our room, actually our house. I don't feel like soundproofing."

Cora squealed happily before running out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

"You know… I didn't realize that we had two children already." Emma commented with a small chuckle.

"I agree." Regina sighed out, falling back on the mattress.

"Now… where was I?" Emma asked with a wink before descending on her fiancée.

* * *

Cora made her way back to the diner, a different outfit on, thank goodness. She paused when she heard some commotion coming from the alleyway nearby and quietly crept closer to the alley, staying flush against the wall of the building.

She peeked her head around the corner, her eyes landing on Hook and his so called "White Hookers".

"God that's a horrible name." Cora muttered as she watched the group all together, joking and laughing and causing a bit of a ruckus.

"If Hook can have a gang, so can I." Cora muttered to herself before magicking halfway back to the diner.

She thought up a plan in her head and was almost back to the diner when she spotted the Blue Fairy up ahead.

"Cora."

"Rachel." Cora said with a smirk, loving how Blue's irritation was evident when she called her that instead of her actual name.

The stared each other down, sizing each other up before both of them dove at the other head first, instantly hitting the ground and rolling.

"I WILL END YOU!" Cora yelled out as she landed a punch to Blue's face, the fairy swinging back with her own in full force.

"BRING IT BITCH!" Blue screamed, rolling them so she was on top as she wailed on Cora.

"OH FUCK NO!" Cora yelled, swinging at Blue and knocking her off.

By this point they had drawn a crowd of people, all stopping to watch the two women wrestle on the ground and beat on each other.

"WHITE HOOKERS BITCH!" Blue screamed, diving for Cora.

Cora kicked Blue mid fly, knocking the fairy to the ground.

"Seriously that just sounds wrong." Cora commented, waving her hand and poofing Blue somewhere else.

"Cora two, Blue zero." Cora said proudly, wiping the trickle of blood from her mouth before walking away, leaving a group of confused citizens behind.

She picked up her pace and ran back to the diner, flinging the door open.

"GRANNY!" Cora yelled out, drawing everyone's attention. Granny came around from the back and stood in front of Cora, her eyes widening as she took in her state.

"Cora what the hell happened to you?" Granny asked, taking notice of the blood, "IS THAT YOUR BLOOD!?"

"Yeah." Cora answered proudly.

"You look like shit."

"You should see the other bitch." Cora commented, "I wanna start a gang."

"A gang… Cora like an actual gang?"

"No like a biker gang." Cora said excitedly.

Granny just stared at her for a moment.

"A biker gang." She stated.

"Yes. A gang of SwanQueen shippers to go up against Captain Swan shippers. Come on it'll be fun."

"Cora we can't have everyone in the armada own motorcycles." Granny chided.

"Well then just thirteen of us." Cora stated proudly, "I can magick them bikes."

Granny gave it a thought for a minute.

"I already have a motorcycle." Granny pointed out.

"I am not surprised."

"Where'd this idea come from?"

"I was watching Sons of Anarchy."

"Does Regina know you were watching that?"

"No… and she isn't going to." Cora started, "IS she Granny?"

"No ma'am."

"Good. Let's get this thing started."

* * *

Cora put her leather jacket on with a bit of flare, popping the collar and zipping the front up. She looked to her right and smile at Granny who had just put her sunglasses on and was beginning to tie her bandana on her head.

She looked to her left and gave Snow a smile as she watched the younger woman put her jacket on, pinning a bunny rabbit to the front of the jacket.

She suppressed the urge to roll her eyes before turning and examining the rest of her gang.

Her biker gang was comprised of the seven dwarves, all dressed in the leather jackets and bandanas. Leroy had wanted to wear assless chaps but everyone favored on the word 'no' for that one.

She also had James and Snow in the group, as well as Granny and Ruby and of course Henry.

She looked down to her grandson who was beaming up at her with his leather jacket and shades.

"Let's roll people." Cora said with a smile as they prepared to depart from Granny's diner.

Just as Hook and Blue walked in.

"Well well well, seems you wanted to start a gang of your own. Is this all of you then? What about your 'armada'?" Hook asked with a smirk.

"We can't have the entire armada on bikes running around Storybrooke now can we?" Cora asked, returning the smirk.

"I heard about your little gang and I came to offer a challenge. Today at five, a showdown between my gang and yours, oh and no magic." Hook said cockily, crossing his arms and wearing a smirk.

"You're on, penis." Cora said with a smirk, watching Hook's face crease in confusion.

"Did she just call me a penis?" Hook asked Blue, frowning when she nodded in affirmation.

"Meet us in front of the clock tower." Hook stated before turning and leaving the diner.

"Well my mateys, prepare yourselves for battle." Cora said to the group, "The end in nigh."

"Cora don't make it sound so dark." Snow whimpered out.

"Oh will you grow a fucking backbone!"

"Cora! Henry!" Granny huffed out.

"It's okay I'm used to it." Henry said with a smile, looking up at his Nana.

"See, he's fine." Cora said pointedly.

"Hey guys." Snow piped up, drawing everyone's attention.

"Yes Snow?" Cora asked with an eye roll.

"Are we going to have to fight?"

"Yes Snow. It's a showdown." Cora replied in irritation.

"But I don't want to fight."

"You have to."

"Snow since when did you have a problem kicking ass?" Ruby asked in confusion.

"I took an oath to promote peace and prosperity."

"I totally saw Hook knock a squirrel out of a tree the other day." Cora pointed out to Snow.

"What." Snow stated, her eyes large.

"He knocked a squirrel from a tree with a rock, for fun."

Snow stayed silent and everyone watched with united nervousness.

Her eye twitched slightly.

"THAT SQUIRREL HAD A FAMILY! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS! ANIMALS ARE PEOPLE TO!" Snow shrieked out, absolutely seething.

"Snow channel that anger towards Hook. Let's go." Cora said to the fuming brunette who stomped her way out of the diner.

"Did he really?" Ruby asked out of curiosity.

"Hell no." Cora replied with a smirk, "I just need her fired up."

* * *

Cora mounted her black Harley and Henry hopped on the back, she smirked back at her grandson, giving the motorcycle a pat.

Once her crew was all on their bikes they took off down the street, racing towards the clock tower.

Granny cranked the stereo on her bike, blasting Bad To The Bone by George Thorogood as the rode down the street.

The ride was short and they parked the bikes in the middle of the street. Word of the upcoming showdown spread throughout Storybrooke, already drawing a crowd.

"Where is Hook? It's five o'clock." Cora said to Granny as she dismounted her bike and shut off the song.

"LOOK CAPTAIN!" James yelled out, pointing off in the distance.

Cora squinted her eyes and looked ahead, zeroing in on the group that was approaching, at a rather slow pace.

"What the actual fuck?" Cora muttered to Granny as they watched the White Hookers approach….

On bicycles.

"You have GOT to be kidding me." Cora said bitterly.

"Cora!" Hook called out, panting as he peddled his bike, "I see you took up my challenge."

"Hook at the rate you're peddling we will just have to blow on you to beat you."

"Blow me? That's an idea."

"I'm going to ignore that." Cora said with some disgust.

Hook and his gang hopped off of their bicycles and eyed up Cora's motorcycles.

"So. Who am I addressing?" Hook asked, wanting to know the name of their gang.

"We're the Regal Knights, the biker gang of SwanQueen shippers." Cora stated proudly, "And we are going to kick your asses."

"White Hookers! ATTACK!" Hook called out, his gang rushing forward and attacking the Regal Knights.

Cora went straight for Blue, resuming their earlier wrestling match, while Granny and Ruby went at Mr. Gold and Mr. Smee.

"HOOK!" Snow screamed out, drawing his attention.

"Snow. My future mother-in-law." Hook stated with a smile, opening his arms.

"I'M GOING TO FUCK YOUR DAY UP!" Snow screamed rushing forward and hopping on Hook, knocking him to the ground as she began to pummel him with her fists.

"How! Your hands are like tiny daggers!" Hook yelped out as Snow continued to hit him.

"THAT SQUIRREL HAD A FAMILY!"

"Squirrel?"

"A FAMILY!" Snow yelled as she clocked Hook in the face before she felt herself being pulled away from him by another White Hooker.

"Hang on Snow!" James called as he rushed to help his wife.

"GET OFF OF ME YOU SAGGY TITTED BITCH!" Blue screamed out, trying to swat Cora off of her.

"MY TITS ARE NOT SAGGY!" Cora yelled as she continued to wail on Blue, suddenly they heard a scream of pure rage, stopping the two women struggling and looking up just in time to see Henry rush straight for Moe.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Henry screamed as he jumped on Moe's back, beating up on the man's head.

"Makes me proud." Cora told Blue before the fairy took a swing at Cora. "OH FUCK NO YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT!"

Cora pushed Blue back on the ground.

"FUCK YOU RACHEL TICE!" Cora screamed as she hit Blue, knocking the fairy out cold.

"FOR SWAN QUEEN!" Granny screamed as she pulled a WWE dive on Mr. Gold, knocking him out as Ruby pulled Mr. Smee's cap over his eyes, making him run around in circles.

Hook was left alone and his eyes met Cora's.

"REGAL KNIGHTS!"

"WHITE HOOKERS!" The two screamed in unison before charging at each other, Cora and Hook colliding and battling each other on the ground.

"Just give up Cora!" Hook yelled out as they continued to roll.

"NEVER!" Cora yelled back, still rolling.

"I feel like I should start singing."

"Singing what?"

"That roll in the hay song from Young Frankenstein." Hook commented as they continued to roll on the ground, switching spots.

"Oh yes it's quite a good musical."

"Indeed it is."

"Why are we talking?" Cora asked before she stilled her rolls, straddling Hook and throwing a punch at him.

"Damnit Cora! For an older woman you can really pack a punch."

"I DIDN'T CHOOSE THE THUG LIFE!" Cora yelled as she landed another blow.

"THE THUG LIFE CHOSE ME!" Cora continued as she went to land another.

They continued to wail on each other until Hook grabbed her hands and flipped them, pinning Cora to the ground.

"I feel like we should kiss."

"Sometimes I feel like hiding all of Regina and Emma's sex toys but then I think, ehhh better not." Cora replied with a sassy smirk, kicking Hook in the groin and knocking him off of her.

"Thank you kinky bitches." Cora said happily as she stood up from the fight.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" Emma's voice rang out, stilling everyone's movements.

"HENRY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Regina shrieked in horror as she rushed to her son who just hopped down from Moe.

"It was a showdown Mom." Henry explained, Regina looking around her in horror as she watched everyone begin to stand, getting ready to go at each other again.

"HOLD THE FUCK UP!" Emma yelled out, holding her hands up and rushing to stand in the middle, keeping both sides at bay.

"EVERYONE JUST CALM THE FUCK DOWN!" Emma yelled again.

"Will someone please explain to me why my SON was involved in this?" Regina asked both sides haughtily.

"It's a showdown love." Hook offered, wiping the blood from the corner of his mouth.

"Between who? The Captain Swan Shippers and the Swan Queen shippers?" Emma asked in confusion as she looked back and forth.

"Well more like the White Hookers and the Regal Knights." Cora corrected.

"You've gotta be fucking with me here." Emma said with a laugh before looking to her mother. "You went along with this?"

"Hook threw a rock at a squirrel." Snow defended.

"Why do I keep hearing this, I never hurt a fucking squirrel!" Hook huffed out in agitation.

"You didn't?" Snow asked in confusion.

"No."

"Coorrrraaaaaaa." Snow whined out. "Why did you tell me he did?"

"Because you were being a pussy Snow." Cora pointed out as if it was obvious.

"Mother! Language!" Regina scolded, pulling Henry closer to her.

"It's okay Mom. I already know all the words." Henry said with a smile while Regina's face paled.

"Alright that's it, all of you go home. I am NOT dealing with gangs." Emma said firmly, shooing everyone away.

"Fun sucker." Cora mumbled as she began to walk away.

"OHHHHH NO! YOU GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE CORA MILLS!" Regina yelled out, moving forward and grabbing Cora by her ear and pulling her down the street.

"I cannot BELIEVE that you would include Henry in these shenanigans, how irresponsible of you!" Regina continued her rant as she dragged Cora down the street, making Cora protest back while Emma and Henry lagged behind a little.

"YOU ARE GROUNDED!"

"I'M YOUR MOTHER!"

"NOT IF YOU DON'T ACT LIKE IT!" Regina yelled back as she pushed Cora into the house. "GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

"This is bullshit." Cora mumbled as she stomped up the stairs, "I am so hiding their sex toys now."

* * *

**A:N/ Hope you all enjoyed the update :)**

**Don't forget to review lovelies!**


	14. R Is For Rollerblades, Ruby, and Ransom

**Here's Chapter 14 for everyone. I hope you all like this chapter :)**

**Happy Once day everyone!**

**Special thanks to my lovely Beta SassySaviorSwag**

**I just want to say thank you to all of you who review on this story and leave me the best, funniest reviews, I have ever seen. They are my crack so thank you!**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Quotes from Pitch Perfect are used in this chapter, since you all loved the one from the previous chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I unfortunately own nothing.**

* * *

"Emma this isn't going to work! This is wrong all wrong!" Regina shrieked out in frustration.

"Baby it's fine, it's gonna be fine." Emma tried to soothe her raging fiancée, which wasn't working at the moment.

"Mom it looks fine." Henry joined in, not wanting Regina to have a heart attack.

"No it isn't, the arch is off centered and the tables aren't circular!" She yelled out once more, gesturing to their backyard.

"We can get it taken care of." Emma soothed, taking the brunette in her arms.

"Emma the rehearsal is tomorrow!" Regina yelled out once more.

"And the wedding is four days, we can do this." Emma chuckled against the brunette's cheek.

"It'll be fine mom." Henry tried, walking to his mothers and embracing them.

"Emma, where is my mother?" Regina said with a sigh as she relaxed into the embrace of her loved ones.

"No idea." Emma replied.

"HENRY!" Cora's voice rang out loudly before she came barreling around the corner of the house and into the back yard.

"Nana?" Henry asked in confusion as she ran to the family.

"Come with me." Cora said quickly before grabbing her grandson and magicking them away, leaving a confused Emma and Regina in their wake.

"What the hell?" Emma muttered.

"She had better not cause any trouble." Regina said back before looking back to their currently decorated yard and making the necessary adjustments.

* * *

"Nana is everything alright?" Henry asked as they reappeared outside of a store window.

"Henry what are these?" Cora asked pointing to the rollerblades in the window.

"They're rollerblades."

"Are they fun?"

"Yeah."

Silence.

"You want a pair don't you?" Henry asked with a smile.

Cora looked down at her grandson and nodded happily before her eyes turned back to the store window.

"Hey Henry! Cora!" Ruby yelled happily as she skipped up to the two, "You guys ready for the wedding?"

"Mom is freaking out back home about the setup, you know how she is. But I'm real excited." Henry replied happily.

"I was told to not touch anything." Cora added with a huff.

"She just doesn't want you to break anything Nana." Henry pointed out.

"I'm not going to destroy anything!" Cora replied haughtily.

"Ruby there you are, stop running off- oh hi Captain! Second mate Henry." Granny said with a smile as she approached them.

"First Mate." Cora addressed happily as Granny saluted Cora.

"Ready for the big day?"

"Getting there." Henry replied as Cora gave an eye roll and grumbled.

"CORA!" A voice called out down the street.

The group turned and their eyes landed on a car driving towards them.

"FOR CAPTAIN SWAN!" Hook yelled out as he hung out of the window and threw something at Cora.

The object hit her in the chest and exploded, knocking her to the ground as Hook drove away laughing like a madman.

"I'VE BEEN SHOT! I'VE BEEN SHOT!" Cora yelled out on the ground.

"Captain!"

"Nana!"

"Baby!" Ruby yelled out, drawing attention to herself, "I mean, Cora!"

Granny eyed her suspiciously before helping Cora up.

"I'VE BEEN FUCKING SHOT! AM I DEAD! AM I DEAD!"

"Cora you aren't dead calm down." Granny soothed as Henry picked up the object.

A beef burrito from the nearby Mexican restaurant.

"It's a burrito." Henry stated as his Nana brushed off some of the food she was wearing.

"Bastard Hook." Ruby seethed out.

"I'm going to finish him like a cheesecake!" Cora growled out, glaring down the street.

"Come on Cora let's get you home and cleaned up." Ruby said as she led the group down the street and back to the mansion.

* * *

"Mother, what on earth happened?" Regina asked as she looked up from her magazine to see the group walk into the room.

"Hook threw a burrito at Nana." Henry stated, hopping up on the stool next to his mother.

"He threw a burrito at you?" Regina asked, a smile itching on her face.

"Stupid pirates." Cora grumbled as Ruby wet a washcloth and proceeded to wipe off the burrito excess.

"It was a good shot." Granny commented, "Especially since he threw it out of a moving car."

"Impressive." Regina replied before looking back to her mother and Ruby.

"I am going to find that damn pirate and take that hook and shove it right up his-."

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled out, effectively cutting off Cora's sentence.

"Hey what's going on?" Emma asked waltzing into the room and looking at the mass of food scattered over Cora, "What happened to you?"

"Hook threw a burrito at her." Henry told his ma with a small giggle.

"Damn." Emma commented idly, "What a waste of a burrito."

"I KNOW RIGHT!" Cora huffed out irritably, "Waste of food, you know there are starving children in Atchica?"

"Atchica?" Emma asked confused.

"Africa mother." Regina corrected.

"Whatever." Cora said with a roll of her eyes, "Now this means I have to get Hook back someway, somehow."

"Mother our rehearsal dinner is tomorrow, so if you are going to 'get back at him' then I suggest you take care of it today. I will not have your petty feud ruining myself and Emma's rehearsal dinner." Regina commented before standing and leaving the room.

"So how are we getting him back?" Henry piped up.

"Oh no kid, you're staying out of this." Emma interjected.

"She's right Henry… this is going to get serious." Cora growled out.

* * *

Cora found herself outside of the skate shop once more, perking up as she felt a presence behind her.

"Returning to the scene of the crime are we Cora?" Hook asked with a smirk, locking eyes with the woman through the reflection in the mirror.

"So it would seem Hook." Cora said in a low voice, turning to face him, "On a side note, great shot."

"Why thank you love, it was a nice shot wasn't it?"

"Yes very impressive."

"It's all in the wrist really. I've become quite good with my left hand."

They stared at each other a moment.

"I don't want to know how." Cora spoke first.

"So rehearsal dinner tomorrow I hear?"

"Yes, the girls are quite excited."

"I expect to see pictures."

"Regina is forbidding me to take pictures but I will see what I can do."

"I'm sure they will both look lovely." Hook said with a smile.

"I agree." Cora replied, they shared a smile a moment before Cora 's face creased in confusion. "Wait, why do you want pictures?"

"No reason." Hook rushed out quickly before clearing his throat, "I wanted to challenge you once more."

"Oh? What is the challenge this time? Considering we kicked your ass a few weeks back with the first challenge."

"Roller hockey match." Hook stated confidently.

"You're on."

"I assume you know how to rollerblade."

"Of course I do!" Cora defended haughtily.

"That settles it then. The day after tomorrow, we will have a roller hockey match. The Regal Knights VS The White Hookers." Hook stated with a proud smile.

"Looking forward to seeing you on your knees begging for mercy!" Cora said with a smirk.

"Oh love, I don't beg." Hook replied confidently, stepping into Cora's space.

"You will be when I get through with you."

"Oh no love, I think YOU will be the one who shall be begging for mercy." Hook said taking another step.

"Is that so?" Cora replied cockily, they were nose to nose now, sharing the same air.

"You want to kiss me don't you?" Hook whispered.

"Why on earth would I want to kiss a walking penis?"

"Your words wound me." Hook replied, not budging from his spot.

"This is slightly awkward." Cora stated, taking a step back from the pirate.

"Yes." Hook said before clearing his throat, "Day after tomorrow at 1:00 pm, don't be late." And with that he turned on his heel and headed off down the street.

"I must get these rollerblades." Cora muttered before magicking herself back to the mansion.

* * *

"Absolutely NOT!" Regina said firmly.

"But Regiinnnaaaaa." Cora whined, "Everyone else has them."

"Mother you do not need rollerblades."

"But but but." Cora pouted, "I do need them."

"She wants to get back at Hook Mom, pleeeasssseeee." Henry chimed in, pouting in tandem with his Nana.

Regina looked at them for a moment before rolling her eyes.

"Fine." Regina said before handing Cora some cash, "go buy your rollerblades."

Cora let out an excited shriek before she went tearing out of the house, Henry following behind her.

"That woman is going to be the death of me I swear." Regina muttered as she turned back to what she was previously doing, which was finishing making sure that they had everything they needed for the rehearsal dinner tomorrow.

* * *

"Mother we are going to be starting soon!" Regina yelled up the stairs before walking back outside the house and to Emma.

"Your mom almost ready?" Emma asked with a smile as Regina approached her.

"Almost." Regina answered; they suddenly heard a crash come from inside the house and were about to go check when they saw Cora tentatively roll out of the house, her new rollerblades on.

"Don't worry, I'll fix that!" Cora called as she inched forward on the blades.

"Mother take those off!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"MAKE ME!"

"Mother don't be ridiculous, we have a rehearsal to go through!" Regina huffed in agitation.

"I already know everything we are going over, I need to practice for the challenge tomorrow." Cora replied haughtily.

"Mother do not make me do something I will regret!"

"WHATEVA I DO WHAT I WANT!"

"Mother!"

Cora almost lost her balance but regained it quickly and steadied herself before turning around to head back inside the house.

"OH NO! TAKE THAT OUT FRONT!" Regina yelled out at Cora.

"I AM TRYING!"

"You are NOT cutting through the house!"

"FUCK OFF!"

"CORA!" Snow, James, and Emma all yelled out at the woman, who was attempting to waddle away on the skates.

"Mother!"

Cora wobbled before loosing her balance.

"GOD DAMNIT!" She yelled out as her ass hit the ground. She quickly attempted to stand and leaned forward before regaining balance.

She started scooting forward a little until she made it to the porch.

"Don't you dare enter that house Cora Mills!" Regina yelled out, making her mother turn around and look at her, a defiant expression on her face.

She rolled back a little.

"Don't you dare!"

She rolled back a little more.

"CORA MILLS I MEAN IT!"

Cora rolled back further, crossing the threshold into the house.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled out as Cora quickly turned and skated through the house.

She disappeared from sight but Regina heard the shattering of what she assumed was one of her vases.

"I'LL FIX THAT TOO!" Cora's voice called from inside the house.

"Baby just relax, let's get through the rehearsal, and if you wanna tie your mom up for the wedding we can do that." Emma soothed, pulling her fiancée to her.

"If she lives till the wedding." Regina muttered out.

* * *

"DAMNIT CORA!" Granny yelled out as the older woman flew down the street, freaking out and flailing, magic shooting from her fingertips as she failed to stop her runaway rollerblades.

"THIS IS HOW I DIE!" Cora yelled in terror as she flung a hand out, destroying Granny's diner sign once more.

"CORA!" Ruby yelled as she ran after the woman.

"RUBY!" Cora cried as she hit a hill suddenly and took off at a greater speed.

"HANG ON!" Ruby yelled as she ran down the hill after the woman.

"STOP THESE UNHOLY DEMONS!"

Cora continued to flail and somehow turned herself around, now staring at Ruby's sprinting form as she rolled backwards down the hill.

"THIS IS THE END!" Cora yelled, unable to turn herself back around, and unable to see where she was going.

"CORA WATCH OUT!" Ruby yelled, pointing ahead as Cora started to roll towards an intersection.

"HOLY MOTHER OF EMMA!" Cora shrieked as she closed her eyes and rolled through the intersection.

She heard cars slam on their brakes and honks bleating out loudly at her as she rolled through, her eyes shut tight so she wouldn't witness the horror of her own death.

"Was that Cora?" Hook asked Mr. Gold as they watched a woman go flying backwards through the intersection.

"Yes. I believe that it was." Gold replied with a confused expression. They jogged up ahead and watched as Ruby sprinted down the road, arms flailing as she screamed after the still rolling brunette.

"This isn't good. I would actually like her to be alive for our challenge." Hook said to Gold as he left his side and took off after the two women.

"CORA TURN AROUND!" Ruby yelled as she continued to run after the flailing brunette.

Cora's arms flew out and she knocked a squirrel right out of a nearby tree with her magic, making it fall and land on top of a bunny rabbit, knocking the rabbit out as well.

Hook cut through an alleyway nearby to pass up Ruby and Cora, coming out behind Cora just in time.

He latched on to the brunette and stopped her from rolling into another intersection, pulling her off to the side of the road as Ruby caught up.

"Cora!" Ruby called as she jogged up to the two, she stooped down to Cora who was now sitting, wide-eyed.

"Is she alright?" Hook asked the young brunette, coming around to stare at Cora.

"Hufjaopfnkawa." Cora muttered out.

Ruby and Hook looked to each other in confusion before looking back at Cora, who's appearance was completely frazzled.

"I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that love." Hook said slowly.

Cora's eyes blinked, her vision adjusting to the forms in front of her.

"Fajifjaopfjwr." Cora muttered out.

Hook and Ruby shared another look before picking the woman up and rolling her back to Granny, the trip took at least ten minutes.

"What the hell happened to her?" Granny asked as she watched her granddaughter and arch nemesis roll Cora up the hill.

"Well she continued on her little runaway rampage through an intersection and was almost flattened like a pancake." Hook answered.

"Gonna flatten you like a pancake." Cora muttered out, making Hook smirk.

"AH there she is."

"Regina is going to kill us if Cora gets back to her in this state." Granny said with a shake of her head.

"Pour some water on her or something." Hook suggested as they continued to roll Cora back towards the diner.

"I'll be back." Ruby stated before running ahead, coming back shortly with a large glass of water and tossing it in Cora's face.

"SWEET GOD WHAT THE FUCK!" Cora yelled out as the water hit her face.

"There she is!" Hook said with a smile as he released the woman.

* * *

Cora attempted to creep into the house, it was already well past midnight and she knew that if she didn't sneak in, Regina would certainly be pissed to say the least.

Cora managed to make it up the stairs and into her room; she just finished shutting the door when the lamp next to the chair in her room turned on suddenly.

"Ah damn." Cora muttered to herself, not turning around, already knowing her daughter would be sitting in the chair.

"Hello Cora." The voice said, making Cora's eyebrows shoot up in surprise and turn abruptly.

"Snow?" Cora asked in confusion, eyeing the brunette.

"About time you showed up." Snow said in an eerily calm voice, her legs together and hands firmly in her lap.

"Okay seriously what the hell are you doing in my room? And where is Regina and Emma?" Cora asked the shorthaired brunette.

"They're sleeping." Snow stated simply, still staring at Cora.

"Okay well… what are you doing in here?"

"I heard about your little… incident today."

"Don't tell Regina! She'll take my rollerblades away." Cora said with a small pout.

"Not that incident Cora."

Cora looked at her in confusion.

"You remember Frank and Trudy?" Snow asked, suddenly holding up a squirrel and a bunny rabbit and placing them in her lap.

Cora's eyebrows knitted together, wondering how she had missed the two furry animals in the beginning.

"Snow… I don't remember anything about those two mammals."

"FRANK AND TRUDY!"

"Okay okay jesus woman." Cora muttered in a huff. "What about Frank and Trudy?"

"Well you see, Frank here was working on his nest for himself and his wife up in a tree, when you came flying by, flailing your arms and shooting magic everywhere. One of your bolts of magic hit poor Frank and knocked him from the tree, unconscious as he landed on Trudy here, knocking her out as she was grazing." Snow finished simply, her eyes crazed.

"…Okay Snow, umm first of all, how the hell do you know that happened because I remember NONE of that." Cora said, eyeing the woman wearily.

"They speak to me Cora."

"What… The actual… Fuck."

"I know what they say… I have eyes and ears everywhere."

Cora just stared blankly at the woman.

"Thank god Emma didn't inherit your crazy." Cora muttered to herself.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"Nothing." Cora said quickly, fearing for her safety as Snow began petting the small mammals.

"Is there something you would like to say to Frank and Trudy?"

"Nope."

"Apologize."

"I am NOT apologizing to those little fur balls."

"THEY ARE BREATHING CREATURES CORA!"

"And they have families, yes I know Snow."

"CLEARLY NOT! WHAT IF FRANK HAD DIED!"

"He didn-."

"WHO WOULD HAVE LOOKED AFTER HIS FAMILY!"

"I don't car-."

"WHAT ABOUT TRUDY! SHE HAS FORTY BABIES!"

"Forty!" Cora shrieked in surprise, "Damn and I thought Regina and Emma were horny bitches."

"APOLOGIZE!"

"Excuse me bitch, you don't need to shout. You're gonna wake up Emma and Regina."

Snow gave an evil smile as she stood, still holding the animals.

"Did you forget that your room is soundproofed Cora?" Snow said as she advanced.

Which caused Cora to back up and hit the wall.

"ATTACK!" Snow yelled as she threw the animals at Cora.

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Cora yelled as she hit the ground.

* * *

"Mmmm good morning baby." Emma said with a smile as she pulled her wife to be in close to her, Regina instinctually snuggling into the warmth.

"Mmmm morning dear." Regina replied sleepily, cracking her eyes open to find warm green staring back at her.

"I'm so lucky to get to wake up to you every morning." Emma muttered as she placed a soft kiss on the woman's lips.

"Agreed darling." Regina replied as she returned the kiss.

"Wonder if your mother got home okay."

"I'm sure she did. No one came pounding down our doors or anything." Regina replied with a laugh.

A soft knock came from their door and they gave a 'come in'. The door opened slowly and in limped Cora.

Small scratches lined her face and her clothes were torn.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled in worry, quickly hopping from the bed and Emma's warmth to rush to the older woman.

"Holy fuck Cora what happened!" Emma yelled as she joined her fiancée.

"The horror."

"Horror? Cora what horror?" Emma asked as Regina looked over Cora's cuts.

"Furry… so much… fur." Cora muttered out.

"Mother what happened?"

"Snow… mammals…" Cora muttered again.

"What is she talking about?" Emma asked Regina, wondering if her fiancée had the answers.

Regina just shook her head before she waved a hand over her mother, immediately healing the cuts.

"I'm gonna call my mom." Emma said as she went to grab her phone, quickly dialing Snow.

"Mother are you alright?"

"It was like a tiny furry hell Regina." Cora said softly, her eyes still wide.

"What was?"

"OH MY GOD ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!" Emma yelled out suddenly, startling both women.

Cora seemed to shake out of her haze and pulled her daughter into a surprising hug.

"MOM YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Emma paused, "BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING CREEPY AS SHIT!"

Another pause.

"SHE'S MY MOTHER-IN-LAW TO BE! THAT IS NOT OKAY!"

Regina looked to her mother in confusion again.

"Snow snuck into my room last night and told her furry little woodland creatures to attack me." Cora explained with a shudder.

"WHAT?!" Regina shrieked out. "Emma you give me that phone!"

Regina strode to Emma and ripped the phone from her hand and proceeded to fight with Snow, allowing Cora to slip away.

* * *

"Alright everyone, let's get this challenge started." Cora said with a firm voice, drawing the attention of her team.

The team was made up of herself, Henry, Leroy, Granny, and a couple other dwarves.

Ruby was their cheering section, tight skimpy outfit and all.

The White Hookers had just entered the parking lot they were using for their roller hockey match. Even though just the day before Cora had been damn near traumatized from her mishap with the rollerblades, she had Granny help her adapt and actually became quite good in just a few short hours.

Granny was currently positioned in the goal, mean face on and all.

"Your gram is quite frightening." Cora mentioned idly to Ruby.

The brunette gave a wolfish smile.

"You have no idea hun." Ruby replied with a flirtatious smirk, making Cora's eyebrows rise in surprise.

"Let's get on with this then." Hook called out, drawing Cora's attention as she skated towards him.

They got everything ready, sticks on the ground to fight over the puck, the second it hit the ground they clashed, landing in a heap on the cement as Henry slid under one of the opposing teams players legs.

"CAN'T TOUCH THIS!" Henry yelled out as he skated by quickly, shooting the puck past Mr. Gold and scoring.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Henry yelled triumphantly, making Cora beam in happiness.

They quickly set a fast pace, which quickly became violent.

Hook continued to push into Cora while she pushed back, before she skated to take the puck away from Rachel Tice, knocking the bitch on her ass as she skated by.

"TOODALOO BITCH!" Cora called out with a laugh as she skated by the Blue Fairy, shooting the puck at Gold and smacking the man in the face.

"Well that's unfortunate." Cora muttered as he cried out in pain, another White Hooker taking his spot as he was escorted away.

"Tell me Granny, are you sporting wood there or just happy to see me?" Hook joked, pointing to Granny's stick.

"THAT'S MY DICK!" Granny yelled out before leaving the goal and barreling for Hook.

"Oh snap!" Cora yelped excitedly as she watched Granny dive on Hook, pinning him to the ground as she began to wail on him.

"Take it like a man you pansy!" Granny yelled as she continued to pommel Hook.

"Oh that is going to leave a mark." Cora commented to Henry as they watched the scene unfold.

"Maybe we should go Nana. I don't want Mom to get called and have her flip."

Cora looked at her grandson before nodding in agreement.

"Agreed." Cora said before poofing off with Henry, not noticing the menacing look coming from the Blue Fairy.

* * *

"There you two are!" Regina called out as Cora and Henry entered the dining room.

"Where have you guys-." Emma trailed off as her and Regina looked over Cora and Henry. Both had some torn articles of clothing and dirt on their faces.

"I don't want to know do I?" Regina asked with a sigh, rubbing her head to will the headache that was coming on, to go away.

"Probably not." Cora answered.

"As long as Henry returns in one piece." Regina warned before going to her son and checking him over.

"It was awesome Mom." Henry said; assuring his mother that what he and his Nana did was actually really fun.

"Did you handle the little problem with Snow darling?" Cora asked her daughter, watching and Regina gave a trademark Evil Queen smirk.

"After the wedding Emma and I are forcing her to go to therapy sessions with Dr. Hopper for her animal obsession." Regina stated.

"About damn time someone got that crazy ass checked out." Cora muttered to Henry, making the boy giggle.

"Mother I would appreciate it if you could keep your bad language to a minimum in front of Henry." Regina scolded.

"Mom what Nana just said wasn't even bad." Henry defended.

"Oh? And just what has Nana been saying in front of you?"

"NOTHING! Henry go play outside." Cora said quickly, pushing her grandson away and towards the door.

"Regina just relax, the wedding is in two days baby." Emma said with a bright smile, immediately calming her fiancée.

"I can't wait." Regina replied with an equally bright smile.

"I'm so excited!" Cora squealed out, her high-pitched voice making the girls wince.

"Nana!" Henry called out from the backyard in a worried voice.

"What is it Henry?" Cora asked, running from the house and into the yard with Regina and Emma in tow.

"They got Ruby." Henry said holding up a ransom note.

"Fucking Rachel Tice." Cora growled out as she read the note.

"Who?!" Emma asked worriedly, Ruby was one of her best friends after all.

"The Captain Swan shippers." Cora said in a low voice.

"The White Hookers?" Regina asked in confusion.

"No… this is the whole damn ship." Cora stated, "And I have one day to find her and get her back."

"Mother I'm sure we will find Ruby-." Regina started but was cut off by Cora throwing her hands up in the air, making sparks fly and take shape.

A giant Swan with a crown on its head lit up the sky. Large and bright and casting a glow on what decorations adorned the back yard.

"The signal." Henry said in awe as he watched it happen.

"Signal?" Regina whispered to Emma in confusion.

"THE signal baby." Emma whispered back as they watched.

"They're coming." Cora stated in a low voice.

"Who?" Regina asked, still perplexed.

"The armada."

* * *

**A/N: The armada is coming...**


	15. Viva La SwanQueen

 

**Chapter 15 is now up**

**I hope you all enjoy this one. :)**

**Thank you all for your lovely reviews on here as well as Tumblr. Nothing makes me happier than reading your hysterical reviews. Thank you all for your suggestions and PMs and just everything.**

**If you all have Tumblr you have to search the Adventures With Cora Mills tag there and take a look at the gifs people have made in response to this fanfiction. It is just amazing and all of you readers are amazing.**

**Special thanks to my lovely beta SassySaviorSwag for always reading each chapter before I post to make sure its up to par.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged**

* * *

"Listen up everyone." Cora called out to her armada. They were all currently piled into the Town Hall, waiting for instructions for their attack. Cora was sporting her usual Captains hat, modeled after Captain Jack Sparrow, and a pair of leather pants and white shirt.

"We launch the attack tonight. One of our own has been kidnapped and I will not stand for this fuckery!" Cora said firmly.

Regina and Emma stood in the back of the room, watching their 'armada' interact with their captain.

"Who was taken Captain!" One member called out.

"Ruby." A murmur went through the crowd.

"Nobody takes my granddaughter and gets away with it!" Granny called out from the stage.

"We will get her back Granny. I promise."

"Damn right, no one is sinking my ship." Granny muttered, making Cora whip her head to look at the woman.

"What ship?"

"Ship? What ship? Nothing." Granny said hastily.

Cora eyed her suspiciously before returning to the crowd.

"Here's the plan, thanks to an undercover spy, I know where Hook's ship is and that is undoubtedly where he will be keeping Ruby. I won't lie to you all… This is going to get serious. Some of you may never return." Cora said seriously.

"You're playing with wooden swords!" Emma called from the back.

"No one asked you Emma!" Cora called back with wide eyes.

Emma rolled her eyes and a smirk graced Regina's face at Emma's behavior.

"As I was saying before I was so _rudely interrupted!_ " Cora yelled out before continuing, "This will be dangerous, and we will attack as soon as night fall has set."

"We thank you for your continued service in this armada." Granny said to the crowd, Cora nodding in agreement.

"If you would all form a line and make your way to the front, you may gather your weapon." Cora said to everyone, gesturing to the rack of swords.

"WOODEN!"

"YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'RE PART OF THIS SHIP SWAN!" Cora yelled back.

Regina attempted to suppress a laugh but failed, earning a stern look from her fiancée.

"We must get Ruby back. At all costs… Even if it means your life." Cora told the crowd firmly.

Emma was about to say something again but found Regina's hand over her mouth, suppressing it.

"Mother, would you permit Emma and I to join the fight?" Regina spoke up from the back of the room, causing everyone to turn around and look curiously at Regina.

"What kind of captain would I be if I put our Queen in harms way?" Cora asked, as if visibly hurt by the suggestion.

"Oh my god! YOU ARE FIGHTING WITH WOODEN SWORDS!" Emma huffed out again.

"Mother what kind of Queen would I be, and what kind of knight would Emma be if we didn't partake in this fight as well? After all, Ruby was kidnapped because she shipped us."

"She has a point." Granny muttered to Cora as the brunette eyed her daughter.

"I think they should fight." Henry piped up with a smile, making Cora beam.

"So be it, the savior and her Queen are permitted to join us in battle!" Cora yelled out proudly.

"Alright you bitches, grab your weapons!" Granny yelled out as she raised her own wooden sword.

"Viva La SwanQueen!" Henry called out happily as he raised his own sword.

Emma rolled her eyes as Regina dragged her to the rack to grab their weapons.

* * *

"Alright people let's move it along. Hook's ship is docked on the East bay, man your stations!" Cora called to her troops as half of them departed in a different direction.

Emma and Regina noticed this but said nothing as they continued to follow Cora.

"Our first priority will be getting to Ruby so that she can be protected while we fight." Cora told her section of troops as Granny left with her own.

"Who's going after her Captain?" One of the dwarves asked.

"I am." Cora answered, making her troops gasp.

"Captain no! It's too dangerous!" Leroy cried out.

"Oh for fuck sake." Emma groaned and received a poke to the ribs by Regina to shut up.

"I have to do this. I am Captain and I am responsible." Cora told her troops. "When Granny sends the signal, you all will charge the ship, providing a distraction while I search for Ruby."

"Be safe Captain." Leroy said with a salute.

"If I don't come back from this…" Cora started.

"Oh my fucking god." Emma mumbled.

"I want you to all know that it has been a pleasure to go on this journey with you all." She looked to Regina and Emma, "It has been a pleasure shipping you two. Make me proud girls, I may not see you after this."

"No don't say that." Regina pleaded, making Emma look at her with surprise.

"I'm sorry if I don't make it to the wedding."

"Mother you will be at that wedding."

"Oh. My. What the actual fuck, NO ONE IS DYING THEY ARE FUCKING WOODEN SWORDS!"

Regina and Cora embraced, ignoring the grumbling blonde.

" _Come in Captain_." The walkie talkie hissed from Cora's hip. She grabbed the talkie and began to reply to Granny.

"Yes Crossbow?"

"We are in position. Sending the signal in 3, 2, 1…" Granny said, when suddenly a flare went up in the air, sparking in the night sky.

They heard cries coming from in a direction to the right of them and watched as Granny's group stormed the ship, followed by Cora's group.

"Good luck mother." Regina said seriously.

"You too dears." Cora said before turning and running off.

"Seriously Regina you're on board with this?" Emma asked with a laugh as she watched her fiancée draw her wooden sword.

"Dear I haven't had a good fight in ages." Regina replied with a smirk, "And I thought you liked role-play?"

Emma's eyebrows raised as Regina gave her a quick peck before disappearing in a cloud of purple smoke.

"I can't believe I am actually agreeing to this." Emma mumbled to herself before drawing her own sword.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Emma cried as she ran towards the ship.

* * *

"Ruby? Pssst. Ruby?" Cora whispered as she slinked room to room on the ship. She could hear the commotion coming from the top deck as she moved about, looking here and there for the wolf.

"Cora!" Ruby called out, making the older woman run to her and begin untying her.

"We came as soon as we could." Cora explained hastily.

"Who?"

"The armada."

Ruby's eyes bulged.

"The whole armada is here?" Ruby asked with widened eyes.

"Yes, we came to rescue you and commence the final battle." Cora finished as she helped the younger woman up.

"Cora before we go up." Ruby started, wringing her hands nervously.

"Yes?"

"You're aware of the ship going around about us right?"

"Of course dear, I'm addicted to Tumblr."

"Well… I think it's a good idea."

"What is?"

"Having a ship." Ruby mumbled before quickly kissing Cora and then dashing off to the upper decks.

"Bitches got game." Cora said to herself before running up to join the fight.

She quickly ran up the stairs and came at a halt at the sight.

Her troops and Granny's troops were battling most of the CaptainSwan shippers in a heated battle.

Cora beamed proudly as she watched her daughter and Emma fight back to back, easily knocking down anyone who challenged them. Her eyes searched the ship, finally landing on Hook.

"Hook!" Cora called out, standing on top of a railing and drawing everyone's attention.

"Cora! How lovely to see you! I've been waiting."

"I hope I didn't make you wait long." Cora said with a smile as she drew her sword.

"Not at all love. You see, I was expecting this." Hook said with a smile before firing a flare gun.

Suddenly, three new ships appeared out of nowhere, approaching in on the group.

"It was a trap!" Cora called to her troops as everyone eyed the incoming ships.

"FOR CAPTAIN SWAN!" The others called, resuming their battle on the SwanQueen shippers.

"WE ARE NOT DONE HERE HOOK!" Cora yelled, flinging her hand into the air and creating the signal.

A rumbling in the water drew everyone's attention once more as they watched a hoard of ships begin to approach.

"Holy ship." Hook muttered as he watched the incoming armada.

"Oh my god we actually have a fucking armada." Emma whispered to Regina who beamed back.

"Hook, our fight ends tonight!" Cora called triumphantly.

"Bring it you old bitch!" Hook challenged.

"You walking talking penis!" Cora fired back.

"Hag!"

"Saggy balls!"

"Two week old prune!"

"No- handed, yellow bellied, COCKY PANSY PIRATE!" Cora yelled.

Hook gasped.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!" Hook yelled as he charged Cora. She hopped down from the railing, engaging him in a sword fight.

Everyone else resumed their own fights, ignoring the blasting cannons of the armada against the CaptainSwan ships.

"FOR THE WOODLAND CREATURES!" Emma heard her mother call, turning just in time to watch Snow come from nowhere, jumping in the air and tackling a Captain Swan shipper.

She looked to her left and realized that another ship had pulled up alongside them.

"FOR THE ENCHANTED FOREST!" James called as he ran at the enemy.

"FOR BLACK WOLF!" Granny cried out as she hopped from the neighboring ship onto their own, tackling Gold and knocking him on the ground.

Cora had managed to kick Hook away, turning just in time to lock eyes with the blue fairy.

"Well if it isn't Rachel Tice."

"Stop calling me that!"

"I'll call you whatever the fuck I want!"

"Is that so? You old, dried up pussy bitch!" Blue yelled back, making Cora snarl.

"YOU DON'T KNOW MY LIFE!" Cora yelled as she tackled the fairy, once more resuming their wrestling match.

"CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF!" Cora cried as she landed a punch on the fairy.

"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?" Blue cried as she rolled on top of Cora.

"IT MEANS WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT IT TO MEAN!" Cora yelled as she rolled them again.

"I FUCKING HATE YOU CORA MILLS!"

"I FUCKING HATE YOU TOO YOU BLUE BALLED BITCH!" Cora screamed as she managed to grab the Blue fairy and lock her arms behind her back.

"What're you doing?!" Blue cried in fear.

"SAY HI TO NEMO FOR ME!" Cora cried as she threw Blue overboard the ship, watching as she landed in the water with a splash.

"CORA!" Ruby cried frantically as Gold began to drag her away.

Cora's head whipped to them and she called out to Regina.

"Regina! Seize the Imp!"

Regina quickly sprinted to them, catching Gold off guard and tackling him to the ground so Ruby could escape.

"Let me go you idiots!" Regina seethed as she felt two pairs of hands on her, prying her off of Gold.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Emma and Henry yelled in unison as they charged at the CS shippers, knocking them down and away from Regina.

"NOT MY WOMAN YOU BASTARDS!" Emma yelled as she grabbed one and threw him over board.

"FOR THE QUEEN!" Henry yelled as he pummeled the other knocking them both overboard.

"HENRY!" Regina and Emma cried, desperately reaching for their son before he fell over the ship.

Regina managed to grab his hand, keeping him safe as he dangled off the side of the ship.

"This ship. MUST sail." Henry said before he slipped out of Regina's grasp, falling into the water.

"HENRY!" The two women screamed again as they watched Henry disappear in the water.

A few seconds later he reappeared, beaming up at them.

"I'll see you both in a while!" Henry called, making the women smile.

"Stay safe!" Emma called.

"Kick ass!" Henry called back, making Emma smirk and Regina look on in horror.

"Come on the kid was bound to pick up some of your mother's foul language." Emma said with a chuckle.

"I suppose I can't be too surprised there." Regina muttered before both women returned to the fight.

* * *

"Don't come any closer or the rabbit gets it!" Smee called, holding up a white rabbit.

Snow's eyes widened as she looked on in horror.

"MR. FLUFFYKINS!" Snow shrieked.

"I mean it lady, no closer or the rabbit gets it!" Smee repeated, holding the rabbit over the side of the boat.

Snow whimpered before her eyes widened, watching as Ruby slowly climbed down the rope behind Smee. Very carefully she grabbed the rabbit and climbed back up with lightening speed.

Smee's eyes widened as he realized he had no leverage. Snow's eyes burned with rage as she looked at the man.

"Nobody. Fuck's with my rabbit." Snow hissed out, cracking her knuckles.

"I can explain." Smee said hurriedly.

"No one." Snow cracked her knuckles once more, "I'M SNOW WHITE BITCH!" Snow cried as she ran at Smee, hitting him with a right hook and knocking him overboard.

"That's right bitches! Suck my dick!" Snow yelled as she ran at another foe.

"Hook!" Cora called out, drawing the pirates' attention. "This ends right here, right now."

"So it seems love." Hook replied before they charged at each other, commencing their sword fight.

Cora matched Hook blow for blow, all the while keeping her hat on her head. Hook swung at her but she jumped out of the way just in time, spinning around and touching her sword to the side of his neck.

Hook's eyes widened, no one had ever bested him before.

Except Cora.

And Emma.

And Regina.

And Gold.

And basically any living creature on the planet, but that was beside the point.

Cora pressed on the sword, making Hook lower to his knees, and effectively stopping all of the other fighting on the ship.

"Hook, I have bested you." Cora stated with a smirk, making the pirate snarl. Cora lifted her sword from his neck, "This is my ship now. Thank you for the lovely addition to our armada."

She smirked as she turned and began to walk away.

"Oh Captain my Captain!" Hook cried, standing up and raising his Hook. Cora turned around and eyed the man.

"Did you just quote Dead Poet's Society?" Cora asked.

"I did."

"How good was that movie!"

"It was absolutely fabulous!"

"And the ending?"

"Oh I had tears!" Hook finished with a smile, before clearing his throat.

"We seem to have a lot of moments like that don't we?" Cora asked with a laugh.

"Cora there is something I have to confess to you. To all of you." Hook said, raising his voice.

"You have the floor." Cora gestured before moving to stand next to Ruby.

"I just wanted to say that it has been a pleasure to be your captain." Hook started, looking to his fellow shippers, "You have made this one hell of a journey, and I am sad to say that our ship has sunk."

Cora gave a triumphant smirk.

"But there is something else I must tell you. I haven't been completely honest." Hook started, everyone waiting patiently to hear what he had to say.

"I ship SwanQueen."

A collective gasp ran through the ship.

"I ship it so fucking hard. I actually run a SwanQueen blog of my own, hook-line-swanqueen."

"That was you?" Cora asked with an arched eyebrow. "You drew all those lovely fanarts."

"Whaaatttt." Regina and Emma said in unison.

"I can't help it! I love you two perfect ladies and you're meant to be together. You're my OTP. I'm sorry that I betrayed all of you but… I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS LIFE!" Hook cried out.

Cora walked over to the man and patted his back.

"There there. None of us chose this life. The SwanQueen life chose us." Cora soothed.

"I JUST SHIP IT LIKE NO TOMORROW. I WANT TO BE APART OF THIS WONDERFUL ARMADA!" Hook cried out again, beginning to sob on Cora.

"Okay back off, this is silk." Cora said sternly, shoving the man back a little as she examined her shirt.

"May I join this armada?" Hook asked with a smile.

Cora eyed him for a moment before nodding.

"Welcome aboard dear." Cora said with a smile.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Hook cried out, raising his hook in the air.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" The crowd yelled back.

"Well this was certainly exciting." Regina whispered to Emma.

"I never thought I would be treading water on a ship." Emma replied with a chuckle, her green eyes locking with Regina's brown.

She took notice of how dark Regina's eyes had become and felt a shiver run up her spine.

"How about we go home and you can tread my waters?" Regina suggested with a lick of her lips.

"Deuces!" Emma yelled to the crowd as she latched onto Regina, who magicked them away from the ship.

"Horny bitches." Cora mumbled with a roll of her eyes.

"Alright troops! Let's wrap this up!" Cora glanced at her watch and saw the time, "There's an SVU marathon running and I would like to watch that."

"Anyone up for a marathon?" Ruby asked the group. When she received a nod of agreement they all prepared for departure.

* * *

"Well this was one heck of a night." Regina mumbled against Emma's lips, her hands trailing up and down Emma's bare sides.

"Aren't we breaking tradition here? The wedding is tomorrow and I'm pretty sure we should have waited on having sex." Emma teased and received a playful slap on her ass from Regina.

"Hush."

"We're getting married tomorrow."

"I know."

"You nervous?"

"A little."

"Me too."

Silence engulfed them.

"You're worried about your mom fucking something up aren't you?" Emma asked, laughing when Regina rolled her eyes.

"You have no idea. The woman is like a plague, just rolling through and destroying everything in her path." Regina replied with a smirk.

"Well we're having an open bar so that'll help."

"Oh I agree. I'm sure her and Granny will be enjoying that. I assume Hook will be coming now too."

"Yeah that was one hell of a twist huh?" Emma asked her fiancée, her hand brushing back stray strands of hair from Regina's face.

"I should say so. I didn't see that comi-." Regina trailed off, her eyes peering out of their window in confusion.

"Baby?" Emma asked confused, turning around slightly just in time to see a flash.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled as she watched her mother and Hook hovering in the air, scrambling as they realized they were caught.

Regina quickly magicked a robe on herself and ran to the window, ripping it open.

"HOW MUCH DID YOU SEE?!" Regina yelled out of the window, watching her mother fumble for balance in the bushes as Hook tried to pull her free.

"Not a lot love! Promise!" Hook called, giving another tug on Cora.

"We just wanted a picture! It's Hooks initiation!" Cora yelled in explanation, attempting to kick her leg free of the bushes.

Once she was free they trotted down the sidewalk some before Hook turned around.

"Tell Emma that she rides like a man!" Hook called with a smile before him and Cora took off down the street in a fit of giggles.

Regina's mouth hung open in disbelief.

"SEE YOU TOMORROW KINKY BITCHES!" Cora called as they rounded the corner.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this segment. I will try and get Chapter 16 up as soon as I can. Not sure when that will be though, but I will try.**

**The wedding will be next. Prepare yourselves.**

**Reviews welcomed and encouraged.**

**As for my Beta, you all should check out her new story Everything Has Changed. It's super cute. As well as Anniversary Party.**

**I love that damn story and if you like SwanQueen fluff you will love that.**


	16. The Wedding

 

**Here you all go, the wedding.**

**Special thanks to SassySaviorSwag for always reading it first :)**

**Thank you all so much for your continued reviews! I love it all :)**

**I hope to have the next chapter up as soon as I possibly can.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged as always, seriously they are my crack. You guys comments are the best.**

**I thought you all could use some comic relief after last nights episode.**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I own nothing, but if I did this would be a an awesome comedy show. sigh.**

* * *

"Just a taste."

"Just a lil bit won't hurt right?" Emma asked in a small voice. Her and Cora were currently huddled behind the table that was currently holding their wedding cake.

"Regina will never notice." Cora assured, slowly peeking her head from behind the table to make sure they were in the clear.

The finishing touches were being put on the back yard and all of their guests had arrived. Regina was still upstairs, currently with Henry and Snow who were helping her with her dress.

"Are you sure? It's my wedding day… I'd like to live through it." Emma muttered quietly as they sat back against the table.

"Emma!" Snow's voice rang out, making Emma groan before jumping up from behind the table.

"Yeah?"

"We are going to be starting soon! You too Cora!" Snow said excitedly, grabbing her daughter and rushing into the house to greet a few people before they proceeded.

Cora groaned as she got up from the ground and headed towards the house, smiling happily though since her ship was finally tying the knot.

"Hi Cora!" Ruby piped up from the living room, causing Cora to turn quickly, almost knocking a vase filled with orchids over.

"DAMNIT!" Cora squealed as she barely managed to catch the vase. "Whew."

"I didn't mean to startle you." Ruby said with a chuckle as Cora positioned the vase.

"Startle me? You didn't startle me. Why would you startle me?" Cora asked quickly, a blush creeping up her cheeks.

Ruby gave a cute smile to the woman before invading the older woman's space.

"Save a dance for me okay?" Ruby asked softly before placing a quick kiss on Cora's cheek and waltzing away.

Cora stared blankly ahead, not noticing the smug smile on Granny's face, or the fist pump.

"Cora, Regina wants to see you." Snow said, waking the woman from her daydream and causing her to rush up the stairs and burst through the door.

"Mother I would appreciate it if you went a little easier on my doors." Regina scolded lightly, a wide smile on her face though as she turned to face her mother.

"Ajhfiohfoiwehwnjfkgcasyijdfb aklshjnwpelkghfaiockz." Cora squealed out happily, bouncing on the balls of her feet, as she looked at the beauty that is her daughter.

Regina had a flowing white strapless gown on that synched her waist perfectly. The dress was long enough to reach the floor but short enough that it wouldn't cause anyone to trip over it. Her hair was in an elegant up do with diamond earrings hanging from her ears.

"Mother please don't do that." Regina said with a laugh at her mother's excitement.

"I'm sorry dear but you look breathtaking." Cora whispered as she looked at her daughter with teary eyes.

"Mother, are- are you crying?"

"I just have something in my eye."

"Uh huh."

"Like an eyelash."

"Uh huh."

"Or you know… a twig." Cora said as she hastily wiped her eyes.

"Regina we're ready!" Snow called from outside the bedroom door making the women smile at each other before Cora took Regina's hand and led her from the room.

They reached the entrance to the back yard in a matter of minutes and as soon as Regina heard the music begin to play she took a deep breath and looked to her mother who would be walking her down the aisle.

"I love you." Regina said softly, making Cora smile brightly.

"I love you too my dear. Now… let's rock this motherfucker."

Regina let out a melodious laugh as they entered the back yard, with work from both Cora and Regina they had created a magical atmosphere. Candles, light balloons, and white rose petals floated in the air above everyone.

"It looks beautiful doesn't it?" Cora whispered to her daughter with a smile, chancing a glance and beaming when she saw her daughter's eyes were only focused on the blonde ahead of her.

"Yes." Regina agreed breathlessly as she walked closer to her future.

She felt her mother leave her side and move to sit in her seat at the front, a pleased smile on her face as she watched the scene unfold.

Emma and Regina had handwritten vowels, so sickeningly sweet that Hook began to tear up next to Cora.

She glanced at the man next to her.

"Are you crying?"

"It's… it's just so beautiful and I just have a lot of feelings." Hook sobbed out, biting down on his fist to stifle his cries.

Cora rolled her eyes and turned back to the scene, just in time to watch Emma give Regina a dramatic dip as she kissed her, sealing the deal to their marriage.

"I love you." Regina whispered, tears in her eyes as she pulled back from Emma.

"I love you too, Mrs. Swan-Mills." Emma replied, a goofy grin on her face as Regina let out a loud laugh.

Cora had been taking pictures of everything throughout the ceremony, once Emma and Regina parted from their kiss she magicked her camera away and stood.

"I assume that we can get this reception going then?" Cora asked giddily.

Much to Regina's dismay, Emma had insisted that Cora be in charge of the reception.

"Yes mother." Regina said nervously, clutching to her wife a little tighter.

"Hit it boys!" Cora said, waving her hand with a flourish and made a large stage appear.

The chairs were all moved to the side of the yard along with the tables, clearing room for the large dance floor that appeared.

As the cloud of blue smoke dissipated, a band was situated on the stage. Comprised of four of the seven dwarves, and Jefferson on vocals.

Cora had heard them play down at the Rabbit Hole, not that she would tell Regina that, but they were actually quite good, and Jefferson had a lovely voice.

The band kick started the party, starting off with a rocking song as Cora continued to magically set up.

The bar was the next thing to appear, followed by the DJ booth during the bands breaks, and then all of the food that was stored in Regina's house for the reception; all spread out on a long table with the cake at the very end.

"I will have you." Cora whispered, as she eyed the cake.

She turned back to the guests who all had delighted smiles, including Regina and Emma.

"PARTY HARD FUCKERS!" Cora yelled with glee before skipping off.

She eyed the cake once more, licking her lips and about to form a plan when she felt a presence next to her.

"I know that look Cora, what're you planning?" Hook asked, stopping next to the witch and looking around.

"I want that cake."

"It does look delicious." Hook agreed, suddenly dying to try the cake.

"Regina won't notice will she?"

"No of course not." Cora insisted before grabbing the man and diving underneath one of the table clothes, "Let's get that cake."

Hook and Cora crawled underneath the table, stopping when they reached the end. They peeked out from underneath the cloth before exiting behind the table, eyeing the delicious four-tiered red velvet cake.

"We have to be very sneaky about how we progress." Cora warned as they both slowly rose, fingers poised to grab a swipe of the icing.

Their fingers so close when purple smoke enveloped the cake, making it disappear.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!" Cora seethed out, her eyes going straight to her daughter, standing across the way with an amused looking Emma.

"YOU WILL SPOIL YOUR DINNER!" Regina yelled with a smirk, watching a pout grace Cora's face.

"Now what do we do?" Hook asked with a sigh.

"Make no mistake Hook. I will get that cake." Cora said firmly before leading him to the bar to grab a drink.

They threw back a few shots before deciding they should look around the house, knowing Regina probably poofed it just out of sight.

"Hello Cora." Snow said from behind the brunette, Cora was in mid sip when she turned around, spitting her drink all over Snow's face at the sight.

"What the fuck is that?" Cora asked as she choked on the drink.

Snow frowned and raised a hand to wipe her face before she held up Frank… clad in a little tuxedo.

"You remember Frank?" Snow said with a crazy smile.

Cora paled visibly, remembering the horror of those tiny furry paws.

"Hello Frank. Lovely to see you again." Cora said softly, making Hook raise an eyebrow in confusion.

"Frank says hello." Snow said, the smile still on her face.

"No Trudy?" Cora asked, looking at Snow instead of the squirrel.

Snow paled before she became angry.

"HE DOESN'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT!"

"Talk about what?!" Cora asked, irritated that she tried to indulge in Snow's crazed obsession only to be screamed at.

"SHE'S FUCKING DEAD CORA!" Snow yelled out as Frank hopped from her arms and scampered away.

"NOW LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!" Snow huffed out before running after the squirrel.

"I'm sure you're all glad Emma missed out on the clusterfuck of genetics that caused that crazy." Hook said to Cora.

"Oh yeah." Cora muttered before she finished her drink, "Let's go get some fucking cake."

* * *

"Little higher!" Hook called to Cora.

He was currently standing on her thigh, attempting to reach the cake that sat at the top of the bookshelf, just out of reach. Probably not the best thing to try when you have a near plastered pirate, and a drunken witch attempting this.

"For fuck sake man!" Cora yelled out, her teeth grinding together as she struggled to support the pirate's weight.

"Almost there." Hook panted out, straining to reach.

Just as his fingertips grazed the plate it poofed away, startling the pirate.

"DAVIE JONES TITS!" Hook cried as he flailed.

Cora watched the scene unfolding and made her decision.

"Fuck it." She mumbled before diving out of the way.

She watched with wide eyes as the bookcase began to fall on Hook.

"WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS FUCKING HAPPEN TO ME?!" Hook yelled as the books landed on him.

"Hook?!" Cora yelled worriedly through her drunken stupor.

"Cora!" Hook called, trying to shimmy his way out from underneath the bookcase, resulting in Cora freeing him and cradling him in her lap.

"Are you alright?" Cora asked, her words slurring together a little.

"Blasted books! Listen to them!"

"Hook the books can't-."

"LISTEN TO THEM MOCKING ME!"

"Oh god."

"ALWAYS MOCKING, FALLING ON ME! THEY HATE ME!"

"Hook they're fucking books." Cora sighed.

"WHY DO THEY INSIST ON HATING ME CORA!" Hook cried out, pointing his hook at the books scattered about the floor.

Cora just sighed and attempted to help stand the drunken pirate up, quite a feat for a drunken witch.

She lost her balance and in the process tumbled on top of Hook. She was just about to pick herself up when she heard a gasp, quickly turning her head and seeing an opened mouthed Ruby staring at them.

"Cora what're you? Never mind I don't want to know." Ruby said with teary eyes, making Cora scramble to her feet.

"Ruby wait!" Cora called but the brunette was already out of sight.

"Wenches." Hook muttered with a shake of his head from the ground.

"No more rum for you." Cora stated firmly as she helped Hook up.

"Please, I'm a pirate. I drink it like its water." Hook laughed as they exited the room.

Intent on getting another drink and continuing the search for the cake.

* * *

"Baby I think some shit it going down." Emma said as her and her wife swayed together on the dance floor.

"Whatever do you mean dear?"

"Well your mom and Hook are running around with a bottle of rum singing, 'yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me', Ruby is off in the corner sobbing to Granny, and Snow is currently talking to a squirrel in a tuxedo."

"Not to mention my mother and Hook insist on getting a taste of our wedding cake before we cut it."

"You still poofing it away from them?" Emma asked with a laugh, their foreheads touching.

"Of course." Regina replied with a chuckle, both of them turning to take in the sight of their party.

"YO HO, YO HO, A PIRATES LIFE FOR ME!" Hook cried as he and Cora danced in a circle around each other, both holding a bottle of rum.

"WE PILLAGE PLUNDER, WE RIFLE AND LOOT!" Cora yelled, hooking her arm with Hook's.

"DRINK UP ME 'EARTIES, YO HO!" Hook laughed out as they spun, taking another swig.

"Being a pirate is quite fun!" Cora giggled out drunkenly.

"You're a hell of a pirate, Captain Cora!" Hook saluted before slinging an arm around her shoulders.

"Shall we continue our quest for the cake?" Cora asked as they walked.

"Aye aye Captain!" Hook sang as they skipped off into the house.

"Baby what's Henry doing?" Regina asked her wife, both turning to look at their son who was standing underneath a tree, looking up at it.

They shared a look before they walked to the tree, stopping behind Henry.

"Grandma just come down!" Henry called with a sigh.

"NO! FRANK IS UPSET!" Snow called back.

She was currently sitting up in the tree, petting the tuxedo-clad squirrel.

"IT'S A SQUIRREL!" Henry yelled up.

Emma bit her lip to stifle a chuckle.

Regina on the other hand didn't give a fuck.

She let out a loud laugh, startling their son.

"Snow why is Frank upset?" Regina called.

"BECAUSE OF YOUR MOTHER!"

"What did she do?"

"SHE REMINDED FRANK OF HIS BELOVED WIFE'S PASSING!"

"And what was her name? Frankie?" Regina asked with a smirk.

Snow's eyes flashed dangerously.

"HER NAME WAS TRUDY!"

"Wait wasn't Trudy the rabbit?" Emma asked in confusion.

"YES!" Snow yelled back.

"Snow a rabbit and a squirrel can't even… just… never mind." Emma said with a sigh before tugging on her wife.

"Henry keep an eye on your grandmother." Regina said with a laugh as they turned.

"GREAT NOW FRANK IS UPSET AGAIN!" They heard Snow cry as they walked away.

* * *

"There it is." Cora whispered to her sidekick.

They currently hid on the other side of the couch, eyeing the cake that sat on the dining room table in just the other room.

"How should we proceed?" Hook asked, raising the bottle and taking another swig.

"You circle around that side, I'll take the other, and on the count of three we jump."

"You realize we will smash the cake right?"

"You realize I don't really give a fuck right?

"You realize your daughter will murder you right?"

"You realize you should shut the fuck up right?"

"You rea-." Cora slapped him upside the head before he could finish. She drunkenly stumbled away, crawling on all fours as she moved into position.

Hook followed suit positioning himself on the other side of the counter.

Both sat their rum bottles to the side and made eye contact. Cora began the count down.

"One…"

"Two…" Hook continued.

"THREE!" Both yelled as they leapt into the air, coming in hot on the cake.

Just before they hit the smoke surrounded the cake, disappearing as they landed into each other, falling over to the side and sprawling out on the floor.

"UGHHHHH DAMNIT REGINA!" Cora screamed out, hearing a chuckle in the distance.

"At least we have the rum." Hook commented before raising his bottle in toast.

"Agreed." The bottles touched before they went to take a swig, disappointment covered their faces as they realized the bottles were empty.

"Why is the rum always gone?" Hook sighed as he stood, leading Cora back outside.

Cora had just stepped outside when she felt herself being pushed back into the house.

"What the fuck?" Cora mumbled, falling over the sofa with an oomph.

"Listen up Cora." Granny said sternly, pointing a finger at her friend and Captain, "I have invested a lot of time and feelings into this damn ship, and I will NOT have you fuck it up just because of a smelly pirate!"

Hook stood by, watching the scene, raising his arm as he took a whiff of himself.

"Ship? What ship? Swan Queen?" Cora asked in panic.

"No not Swan Queen you idiot." Granny hissed out, making Cora frown, "Black Wolf."

Cora's eyes widened.

"You're the captain for Black Wolf?"

"Damn straight I am." Granny said firmly, "Now you get your ass out there!" Granny huffed before she walked from the room.

"Well what do you know." Hook said thoughtfully before helping Cora up.

"I believe I have upset Ruby." Cora commented drunkenly to the pirate.

"So it would seem love. But alas, you have to go and woo the girl. If you need me I'll be at the bar." Hook said with a smile before exiting the room.

Cora gave a sigh as she exited the house, her eyes looking around for Ruby. Just as she spotted her she heard Regina call to her.

"Yesss dear?" Cora slurred out as she looked to her daughter.

"Apparently the guests want toasts, and well… you are the Captain of our armada." Regina said with a smile, leading her mother to the table that rose just a little higher than the others.

_When did all this get here?_

Cora thought as she allowed herself to be led. All of the other guests were seated, drinks in hand with food on their plates as Cora took her spot on the other side of Regina.

Emma handed her the microphone with a smile.

Cora tapped the mic before she started.

"First of all I just want to say that I am drunk off of my ass because of Hook." Cora started, making the room chuckle.

"So anything inappropriate I say seems like a good idea." She finished with a smile before looking to Emma and Regina, "This past year has been wonderful. I never thought that I would be welcomed let alone have friends and relationships. But I am so lucky to have Regina as my daughter, and Emma as my daughter-in-law."

Regina and Emma shared a smile before Cora continued.

"Even though we fight and I always manage to get in trouble, they both forgive me and we move on. I couldn't ask for a better family… Even if that family includes a psycho animal loving woman and Snow don't even try to deny it!" Cora yelled, pointing to the pixie haired woman that was pouting.

"Anyways, I can't wait for these two to make me a grandma once more and give me a magic baby."

A chuckle went throughout the yard.

"Seriously, I'm surprised that Regina or Emma isn't preggo already, the two of them fuck like bunny rabbits. I'm not kidding; girls have you heard of soundproofing? Seriously. I don't need to know that Emma needs to pound you harder or all of the dirty talk you two-."

"OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH!" Regina squeaked before ripping the microphone from Cora.

"Thanks Cora." Emma said with a chuckle, tossing the mic to one of their friends before digging into their food.

"When do we get cake?" Cora whispered to her daughter, making Regina snort in amusement.

"Don't worry mother, we will be cutting the cake shortly." Regina replied with a smile, "I think you need to apologize to Ruby though right after you get your cake."

"I know." Cora sighed.

Regina spoke to Emma quickly, suggesting they cut the cake now, which they both stood to go and partake in. After they shoved some cake in each other's faces and received catcalls and hoots for practically eating it off of each other's faces, they allowed it to be served.

Regina waltzed back to the table and sat a large piece in front of Cora, watching in amusement as her mother shoved a large fork full into her mouth.

"ThisisthebescakeIevrhad." Cora stated with her mouthful of cake, making Regina and Emma chuckle.

"I'm glad you like it." Regina replied as she took a small corner from her own and fed it to Emma.

"This is fucking amazing." Cora stated again, her drunken stupor showing. "Can I turn this cake into a person? Can I marry the cake?"

Emma chuckled at her mother-in-law, watching on in amusement at her behavior.

"Can I fuck the cake? Is that acceptable?"

"No it most certainly is not mother." Regina stated with a smirk as her mother took another mouthful of cake.

"It's fucking delicious." Cora moaned out, finishing off the last of her cake and a contented look to spread across her face.

"Mother… are you and Ruby an item?" Regina asked curiously, watching a blush creep up her mother's face.

"We may have took a roll in the bunk." Cora mumbled making Regina stifle a laugh.

"Just curious mother, no details please. So when did this happen?"

"Last night after the battle."

"Seriously?"

"Adrenaline is a powerful aphrodisiac dear."

"Oh please spare me the image mother." Regina pleaded out, "Why was Ruby crying?"

"She saw Hook and I."

Regina's eyes widened.

"You… you and Hook?" Regina asked, a hint of disgust lining her voice.

"OH SWEET JESUS NO!" Cora shrieked, drawing everyone's attention,

"Nothing to see here folks, eat your fucking food." She called out.

"Mother!" Regina hissed out at her mother's manners.

"I was helping Hook up after he got his ass kicked by your bookcase, we toppled over and Ruby saw us." Cora explained, "She thought it was something it wasn't and I haven't been able to find her to apologize."

"Well Emma and I are about to go dance it seems." Regina told her mother as Emma gave her a wave, "I suggest you find Ruby."

Regina gave her mother a smile before she stood and headed to her wife.

Cora crossed her arms with a huff and took a look around, not seeing Ruby anywhere so she skipped off to the bar, joining Hook in a few more shots to keep her buzz going… or drunken stupor. Fine line.

"Well love, did you manage to make it up with your woman?" Hook asked as he took a swig of his rum.

"I can't find her." Cora stated as she took a swig of her own.

"Isn't that her right there?" Hook asked, giving a small hiccup.

"Where?"

"Dancing with Dr. Whale."

Cora's eyes bulged.

"OH HELL TO THE MOTHERFUCKING NO!" Cora yelled before drunkenly running straight for Whale and tackling the poor man, knocking him to the ground.

"MOTHER!"

"CORA!"

"GET HIM IN THE NARDS!" Hook yelled from the bar, making everyone look at him.

"Cora what the hell!" Ruby yelled.

Cora didn't pay her any attention though; she hopped up off of Whale and quickly turned to face Ruby.

"I'm sorry." Cora blurted out, a small pout on her face.

"For what? Attacking Whale or for hooking up with Hook?"

"Hold your panties there now love, Cora and I have done NOTHING in the freaky deaky area." Hook said with a slur as he came to stand by the woman, "Cora is me mate. Not my… well… _mate_." Hook finished with a smirk before waltzing off.

"Are you jealous?" Ruby asked seriously.

"Maybealilbit." Cora muttered.

Ruby gave a smirk before pulling Cora in and making them sway to the music.

Cora smiled and glanced over Ruby's shoulder, suppressing an eye roll as Granny was giving a victory dance.

"Well this is turning out to be one hell of a wedding isn't it?" Emma asked with a laugh as her and her wife danced.

"Indeed it is dear." Regina agreed, placing a gentle kiss on Emma's lips.

"Have you seen Henry lately?" Emma asked suddenly, both her and her wife stopping their dance to look around, not seeing the boy anywhere.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Henry's voice suddenly called out as he came flying through the yard out of the trees, holding something in his hands.

"Henry?!" Regina and Emma called worriedly as they watched their son sprint.

"HENRY MILLS YOU GET BACK HERE!" Snow called as she sped after her grandson, "YOU LET FRANK GO THIS INSTANT!"

"Oh god this is all about that fucking squirrel?" Emma asked her wife with a groan.

"THIS ISN'T NORMAL GRANDMA!" Henry yelled as he ran, ripping the tux off of Frank.

"PUT HIM DOWN HENRY! HE NEEDS ME!"

"HE DOESN'T NEED YOU!"

"HE'S FAMILY HENRY!"

"HE'S A FLIPPING SQUIRREL!" Henry yelled as he tossed the squirrel in the air, straight up at a tree. Frank latched on tightly and scampered off, leaving Henry with a pleased smile.

* * *

"I LIKE DRINKIN A LOT DRINKIN A LOT!" Cora sing songed as she stumbled around the party with Hook and Ruby on her arms.

"Well loves I believe I am going to have to take my leave!" Hook called loudly, walking over to Regina and Emma while Cora and Ruby scampered off into the house.

"Ladies, congratulations on your wedding, and we shall see you both in a few weeks." Hook said with a smile before saluting and leaving the premises.

"So, you ready to go upstairs and have a celebration of our own?" Emma asked her wife with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

"Mmmmm yes I would like that very much." Regina purred, quickly latching on to Emma's bottom lip and tugging.

"Come on." Emma growled out, standing and pulling Regina up with her and leading her towards the house.

"Do you hear that?" Regina asked suddenly as they entered the house.

Emma listened closely, hearing small grunts coming from the kitchen.

The blonde agreed, pulling her wife with her and towards the kitchen.

"Well fuck." Emma whispered out to her wife, both of their eyes were huge as they watched Cora and Ruby in an extremely compromising position.

"Is she a fucking contortionist?" Emma whispered quickly to her wife before turning and pulling them away from the scene.

Regina smirked before poking her head in through the kitchen.

"Kinky bitches!" Regina stated loudly, effectively startling her mother and Ruby off of the counter, sending them toppling to the floor,

"Make sure you Lysol that!"

Regina called as she pulled her stunned wife after her, heading upstairs to partake in their own festivities.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading!**

**Don't forget to review!**


	17. Ain't Nobody Fucking With My Clique

 

**Here you all go, your dose of crack :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Also, representation of gangsters is meant to be comical not taken seriously. Actually just don't take anything in this fucking fic seriously. Ya dig?**

**Again thanks to every single one of you that read this story as well as review. Your reviews make my day.**

**Special thanks to SassySaviorSwag for being my best Beta :) And only Beta.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Please enjoy.**

* * *

Cora lounged on the couch, holding her brand new iPhone in her hands and smiling wildly.

Regina and Emma had left just two days ago for their honeymoon, leaving the house all to Cora and Henry (who spent time living between her and Snow and James), her and Ruby had sort of started going steady, and the armada was stronger than ever now that Emma and Regina tied the knot.

Yeah, life was good for Cora Mills.

Cora gave a contented sigh as she went to check her newest email notification, her thumb moving to tap the icon when the phone slipped from her grasp and hit her square in the face.

"FUCK MY LIFE!" Cora yelped out, picking her phone up and rubbing her nose.

"Stupid phone." She mumbled to herself before she continued on with her task.

She sat her phone on her chest and let out a sigh, staring at the ceiling.

"I'M SO FUCKING BORED!" Cora yelled out to the empty house.

She hopped up from her seat before walking to the stairs, heading to her room to retrieve her laptop.

Youtube was always a good way to pass the time… for the most part. However, Hook being the jackass mate that he was had pretty much made her weary of the Internet videos located online.

Thanks to a particular incident.

**Flashback**

" _I want you to watch this video! It's absolutely awful!" Hook said with a laugh before setting his laptop down and scrolling down just enough to cover the title of the video._

" _Oooooo is it that video of the boy throwing jugs of milk in the grocery store and pretending that he tripped?" Cora asked with glee, it had recently become one of her favorite videos._

_Hook stared at her for a moment before speaking._

" _No."_

" _Aww." Cora grumbled with a pout before Hook sat next to her and handed her a small garbage can._

" _You'll need this love." Hook said, placing it in Cora's lap and pressing play._

" _Oh what a pretty girl." Cora said with a smile before the girl sat something down on top of the table. "What is that red thing? Oh my god is that a tampon!?"_

_Hook snickered next to her as she watched._

" _What is she- OH MY FUCKING WHAT IS THIS HORROR SHUT THIS OFF!" Cora squealed out, "SHE IS NOT GOING TO OH MY GOD DID SHE JUST FUCKING LICK THAT OH GOD!"_

_Cora managed to pull the garbage can to her face before she unloaded her stomach contents into the can._

" _I fucking hate you." She muttered into the can before snapping her fingers and making Hook's laptop disappear._

" _Hey! Where'd my lappy toppy go?" Hook asked with a huff._

" _Somewhere far a-fucking-way." Cora muttered again before hurling once more._

" _Quite gross wasn't it love."_

" _It was fucking disgusting. You nasty piece of shit you." Cora groaned before she lifted her head from the can._

" _Give me my laptop back and I will show you another one."_

" _Fuck you, you fucking fuck."_

**End Flashback**

"What a twat bag." Cora grumbled before she decided to look at some music videos to pass the time.

A few recommendations popped up on the sidebar, and Cora clicked one that looked quite interesting.

"Let Me Dope You? By Childish Gambino… Interesting." Cora muttered before pressing play and listening to the music.

" _Hey playa what's good, let me dope you. Hey hater what's hood, let me dope you. I'm on fire like wood, let me dope you. You don't wanna fuck wit dood, let me dope you."_

The music flitted through Cora's speakers loudly and she quickly found herself up and dancing along with the music, throwing her hands in time with the beat.

After her song ended she smirked to herself before researching more about this genre of music.

"Oh… this is going to be fun."

* * *

Cora walked down the street, occasionally pulling her baggy jeans back up slightly, her hands swinging out to the side slightly when she walked.

Her snapback sat on her head backwards, her shades blocking her eyes from view, and the large gold chain hung in front of her semi baggy tshirt.

"Cora?" Hook asked coming out from a store, his eyes locking on his captain, "What the bloody hell are you wearing?"

"Sup playa, what's goin on?" Cora said, putting her fist out for Hook to bump.

He stared at her in confusion for a minute before tapping his Hook against her fist.

"Seriously Cora, what are you wearing?"

"I'm straight up gangsta now fool." Cora said with a nod of her head.

"Uh huh." Hook said with a nod. "And what prompted this? By the way your pants are revealing your ass."

"I have boxers on. It's the style. And here, just listen." She said before she pulled out her phone and selected a song.

Jay-Z and Kanye Wests song _N****s in Paris_ started to play.

Hook nodded his head in time with the beat of this song.

"This is quite good actually." Hook commented.

"Hook… You wanna start a gang with me?" Cora asked with a smile.

"Damn straight bitch." Hook said with a smile.

* * *

Cora and Hook waltzed down the street, Hook now sporting a pair of baggy jeans and tshirt with some bling and a snapback.

"Look at me now." Hook said with a smirk as they walked, "Let's head to Granny's."

The duo walked to Granny's entering and immediately drawing the attention of everyone else in the diner.

"Cora?" Ruby asked in confusion as she watched her girlfriend walk in with Hook, both of their pants hanging off of their asses.

"Sup boo." Cora said before walking to Ruby and pulling her in for a kiss.

"My boy got game." Hook muttered to Granny, causing the woman to raise a confused eyebrow.

"Cora is a woman." Granny corrected, making Hook stand up.

"You got something to say old woman?" Hook asked haughtily getting all up in Granny's face.

"I-what?" Granny asked confused.

"Say it to my face! Don't be getting all up in my grill if you can't follow through homes." Hook said moving in on Granny.

"What in the fuck is happening." Granny muttered before looking over to Cora and Ruby, "KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS!"

The two broke apart quickly, a light blush covering Ruby's cheeks.

"Cora you and Hook look absolutely ridiculous! Take that shit off." Granny said with a huff.

"AIN'T NOBODY FUCKING WITH MY CLIQUE!" Cora yelled out, catching everyone by surprise before Ruby spoke up.

"I'm in agreement for the off part." Ruby growled out before attacking Cora once more.

"Daaaaammnnnnn, bitch got game." Hook said approvingly.

"Seriously what the fuck is happening." Granny muttered again before grabbing a bucket of ice water and walking over to Cora and Ruby and effectively pouring it over them, making them both break away with a squeal.

"OUT!" Granny yelled, pointing to the door and shooing Cora and Hook out. "I will not have hoodlums in my diner!"

She slammed the door on both of them and they looked at each other with a smirk before high fiving.

"Hey Cora, Hook." Snow said tentatively as she eyed their outfits. "Nice clothes."

"Piss off pansy." Hook growled out.

"Woah hold up man, she cool." Cora said in Snow's defense. "How's therapy Snow?"

"It's good so far. Archie is very patient with my outbursts. I am not allowed to have any contact with small furry mammals until he says its okay." Snow explained with a twitch.

Cora and Hook looked to each other and then back to the twitching Snow.

"So… white chocolate, you want in on this?" Cora asked the pixie haired brunette, making her eyes widen.

"White chocolate? And want in on what?" Snow asked confused.

"You want in the crew?" Cora and Hook asked simultaneously.

"Did you say 'crew'?" Snow asked again.

"Did I FUCKING stutter?" Cora huffed out.

"What does being in this crew mean?"

Cora and Hook shared a look.

"Actually we aren't really sure. We saw it on YouTube and thought it would be fun to do this." Hook started.

"We really have no idea what the fuck we are doing." Cora added.

"Well I am in." Snow said with a smile, making Cora and Hook beam.

"Well then, let's get you some threads." Cora said before magicking new clothing on Snow.

She wore a baggy tshirt with a rabbit whipping the camera off on it, a pair of baggy jeans, boxers, a gold chain, sunglasses, and a snap back.

"Swag." Hook said with a nod, as he looked Snow up and down.

"Any rules to this crew?"

"I read somewhere that you are to 'fuck bitches and get money'." Cora said.

"Don't forget that bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks." Hook added in, receiving an approving nod from Cora.

"You wanna do this properly? I think a boombox is needed." Snow chimed in.

Cora gave a giddy smile before magicking one on her shoulder and pressing play.

"Let's fuck this town up." Cora said before they started to walk down the street, their steps falling in time with the beat.

" _Move bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way, move bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch, get out the way. OH NO! The fights out! I'm about to punch yo lights out!"_

The lyrics floated out of the speakers as they walked, all three of their lips pursed as they walked with a swagger down the street, drawing the attention of everyone that saw them.

"We are so. Cool." Hook whispered to his companions as they walked.

"Damn straight mother fucker." Snow piped up, earning an approving smile from Cora as they walked.

Cora's eyes narrowed behind her sunglasses as she saw the Blue Fairy up ahead.

"Cora. Hook. Snow." Blue stated with a low growl.

"Bitch aint you listening to the lyrics." Cora said with a sigh.

"That god awful music pumping from your stereo?" Blue asked pointing to the Boom Box.

"Yeah. It is sayin, MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY FUCKING RACHEL TICE! NO ONE HAS TIME FOR YOUR INCESSANT BULLSHIT!" Cora yelled before handing the stereo to Hook and pushing Blue out of the way.

"Bitches man." Snow said with a shrug before they continued walking.

" _Rack rack rack city bitch, rack city bitch rack rack city bitch, ten ten ten twenty on your titties bitch."_

"I LOVE THIS SONG!" Cora yelled happily before continuing down the street.

"CORA WE AREN'T DONE!" Blue yelled from behind, making the trio turn around.

"The fuck you want?" Cora asked.

"I wanna kick yo motha fuckin ass." Blue said, holding out her arms.

"Come at me bro!" Cora yelled out, holding her arms out as well.

"You're just jealous because I got more game than you." Blue stated.

"I got yo Grandma on my dick!"

"What?"

"THROWIN HUNDREDS!"

"What are you even yelling right now?" Blue asked.

"RACK CITY BITCH!" Cora yelled before punching Blue in the face and making the fairy drop like a hot potato.

"Daaaaaaammmnnnnn Cora." Snow drawled out before producing a brown baggy with a bottle in it.

"Is that rum?" Hook asked hopefully.

"Fuck no. I don't drink." Snow stated, making Hook point to the bottle.

"What's in there then?"

"Apple juice. Because drinking is BAD." Snow said proudly, making Hook and Cora look to each other.

"I'm sorry she's in your family." Hook muttered to Cora.

"Yeah me too."

"WHO WANTS TO HAVE A PARTY!?" Snow squealed out, startling the two.

"I think a house party would be great, and you have the mansion all to yourself Cora. It's perfect." Hook said with a sly smile.

* * *

"This is amazing." Regina mumbled as the warm sun beat down on her. Her hand was perfectly clasped in Emma's making both women smile happily.

"I told you Hawaii was a great idea." Emma replied, turning to look at her wife.

"Mmmm." Regina moaned out as she relaxed further into her lounge chair.

"I wonder how your mother is doing?" Emma asked Regina with a smile.

"We could always call and ask." Regina replied, acting nonchalant about it.

"Baby I know you're worried your mother is going to do something drastic. Just call her."

Regina gave a sigh before sitting up and leaning over, giving Emma a loving kiss.

"Fine. I will call." She said when she pulled back, fishing through the beach bag for her phone. Once she found it she began calling her mother.

" _Yo yo yo CM speaking."_

"Mother?" Regina asked in confusion.

" _Oh! Hello dear! How is the honeymoon going? Are you working on getting me grandbabies?"_

"Mother the honeymoon is going fantastic, but… what is that booming noise?"

" _Oh? Noise? What noise?"_

"That beat that is coming from your end of the phone." Regina said, her ear straining to catch more of the noise.

" _Oh that's just Henry playing some music. Nothing to worry about dear. I can't wait for you two to come home but I really must go, Henry is calling for me. Love you both!"_ Cora said before ending the call, leaving a confused Regina on the other line.

"Everything okay back home?" Emma asked with a concerned voice.

"I'm not sure. My mother was acting strange and there was a booming coming from the other end."

"She's probably just with Ruby or something. Better not ask any questions there." Emma said with a laugh, her wife joining in.

"Mmmm very true dear." Regina purred before leaning over, "So how about you and I go back to the room and engage in our own fun?"

Emma's green eyes darkened at Regina's proposition, she licked her lips before grabbing their items and shoving them in the bag, grabbing Regina's hand next and hurriedly pulling her towards the condo.

* * *

" _I tell her meet me in the bathroom, I fuck her while the water running, her friend knocking at the door and she screamin out I'm coming!"_

Meek Mills House Party blasted through the speakers set up in Regina's mansion, pulsating with the matching colored lights and strobes as the majority of Storybrooke's citizens danced and grind to the music.

"PARTY HARD FUCKERS!" Snow screamed before she began break dancing in the middle of the dance floor Cora had created.

"Lovely party Cora." Hook commented as he and the older woman sat next to each other, watching the party rage on. "Who called?"

"Regina."

"Fuck."

"She doesn't know."

"Thank god, she'd be on the first flight back here to royally kick your ass."

"Don't I know it."

"PARTY!" Henry yelled as he swung on the chandelier above the floor, doing a flip off of it as Snow caught him and they joined in on a grandmother/grandson break dancing competition.

"Henry sure knows how to party."

"I gave him some sugar." Cora said with a smirk, "he did the puppy eyes and I couldn't resist."

"Cora." A voice said nearby, drawing the older woman's attention.

"UGHHHHH fucking Rachel Tice, no one invited your saggy ass here." Cora huffed out.

"Oh yeah, what about your saggy ass?!" Blue yelled.

"Excuse you bitch! I'll have you know I was one fine mother fucker back in the day!" Cora huffed out, crossing her arms.

"Ha! Prove it!" Blue challenged.

Cora's face held a smirk as she threw her hands up, engulfed in the blue smoke of her magic. When it dissipated Hook and Blue both sucked in a breath.

Cora Mills was indeed, one fine motherfucker back in the day.

"Holy shit balls." Hook muttered out, his eyes roaming over Cora.

"And there go my ovaries." Blue muttered as she looked at the woman.

"Hey Hook have you seen Cora?" Ruby asked with a smile, which quickly fell when she saw his expression. She turned to see what he was staring slack jawed at and her own quickly joined his.

"Hello dear." Cora said sweetly, flashing a bright young smile.

"Oh sweet god have mercy on my ovaries." Ruby muttered before looking over Cora.

"See something you like dear?" Cora asked, raising an eyebrow as her eyes roamed over Ruby.

"CORA LOOK IT'S A FUCKING LION!" Snow squealed happily, holding up an actual lion cub.

"Hey you look younger." Snow pointed out before shrugging, "BUT SERIOUSLY LOOK AT THIS LION!"

"Snow you aren't allowed contact with furry mammals and where the fuck did you get that lion cub from."

"My lion cub."

"Snow." Cora warned.

"MINE!" Snow growled out before she took off running through the house with the cub.

"ARCHIE!" Cora hollered loudly over the music before rushing to find the therapist.

"Cora?" Archie asked in confusion, looking the young woman up and down.

"Keep it in your pants. Snow is turning this party into the fucking Lion King."

"NAAAANNTTTSSSS INGONYAAMMAAAAAA BAAAAGGGITHI BAAAA BAAAA!" Snow yelled out proudly as she sang and ran about the house.

"I will handle it." Archie said before taking off after Snow.

"You wanna dance good looking?" A voice asked from behind Cora, causing her to turn, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT CORA?!"

Cora looked at Leroy with amusement.

"Surprised?"

"Hell yeah, you look hot."

"Back yo ass up motherfucker. It is wolfs time and I am NOT afraid to rip yo dick off if you hit on my woman again." Ruby said coming up behind the dwarf and giving him a kick in the ass to move away.

Cora let out a laugh as she watched Leroy sulk off.

"Care to dance?" Ruby asked with a wink, taking Cora's hand and leading her out to the dance floor.

"BOW BEFORE YOUR KING!" Snow cried as she stood on a chair and held the lion cub up in the air.

"Snow!" Archie called before rushing after her and knocking her from the chair.

"Yeah I am so taking a picture of this." Hook said as he pulled out his camera, switching it to video instead and began recording.

He managed to catch Snow and Archie struggling over the lion cub, as well as Cora and Ruby bumping and grinding to Vegas Girl.

"YOLO!" Snow yelled as she ran off with lion cub.

Hook followed it with his phone, watching as Snow began singing Hakuna Mata as she ran.

He chuckled before heading back into the living room where the dance was happening, catching Cora begin rapping the opening to The Motto.

"Cora my dear, I love you, but your daughter has GOT to see this." Hook chuckled as he hit the send button.

"No fucks given."

* * *

"Fuck Emma." Regina moaned out, her back relaxing into the mattress as she came down from her orgasm.

Emm's face hovered above her own and they shared a loving kiss, groaning as Regina's phone buzzed.

"Could you grab that?" Regina purred out.

Emma chuckled before reaching and grabbing the phone, checking the screen.

"Why is Hook texting you?"

"What?" Regina asked in confusion before Emma held the phone up, revealing a video message. "Play it."

Emma tapped the video, watching as the screen opened and they watched Archie tackle Snow as she struggled to free the lion cub from his grasp.

"Why the fuck does my mother have a lion cub?"

"WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A PARTY HAPPENING IN OUR HOUSE!" Regina shrieked out, watching the video intensely.

They continued to watch the video, laughing despite themselves at Snow singing songs from the Lion King as she held up the cub.

"Oh my god." Emma said, mouth agape as she pointed to the screen, "Is that your mother?!"

"So it would seem. She must have magicked herself back to her younger appearance… for what ever reason." Regina commented idly.

"Your mother was a babe! Glad to see who you got your looks from." Emma commented, wiggling her eyebrows and earning a slap from Regina.

"Wait they're dancing." Regina said, turning their attention back to the phone as they watched Cora and Ruby dirty dance with each other to Ray Ban Vision.

"I love that song." Emma commented as they continued to watch.

The video ended, and instead of finding an irritated Regina, Emma found a very much-aroused Regina.

"All that music has given me an idea." Regina purred in Emma's ear, giving the lobe a quick lick and making Emma groan.

"What's that?" Emma managed to get out as Regina slid out of the bed and plugged Emma's ipod in, searching for a song and pressing play when she found it.

"How would you like a lap dance?" Regina asked, her voice thick with arousal as she pulled Emma from the bed and sat her in the nearby armchair.

"Yes please!" Emma squeaked out, making Regina laugh and her hips begin to sway as Beyoncé's Naughty Girl began to play.

Regina's hips swiveled and dipped, turning herself around so her ass was facing Emma instead as she continued to dance.

"I am sooooo putting this on my playlist." Emma muttered.

"What dear?" Regina asked over her shoulder as she continued to dance.

"Nothing babe." Emma said with a smirk as she enjoyed the show.

* * *

"Ugghhhh the light is brightttttt." Cora said, swatting her hand at her phone that Ruby was currently holding in her hand.

"It's from Emma." Ruby said as she forced the phone at Cora's face.

Cora let out a hiss that was equal to that of a cat before swatting at the phone again.

"Damnit Cora just open it." Ruby said with a sigh before dropping the phone on the young looking woman.

Cora groaned before opening the message.

_Just so you know, Regina is going to let your house party incident slide… Consider us even. You got your house party and I got a lovely lap dance thanks to the music from the party giving Regina ideas._

_Oh and I attached the video Hook sent us._

Cora smirked as she read the message, setting her phone down on her nightstand and letting out a laugh. She'd watch the video later.

"What's so funny?" Ruby asked as she snuggled back into Cora's side.

"Oh nothing. Just that my daughter and daughter-in-law are the kinkiest bitches I have ever met."

"What else is new." Ruby said with a laugh.

"Absolutely nothing." Cora stated with a smile.

Yeah, life was good for Cora Mills.

* * *

**A/N: Well hopefully you all enjoyed that chapter. Let me know what you guys thought. :) I'll try and get the next one up as soon as I can.**


	18. Cora'd

 

**Here you all go. Newest Chapter is up. Sorry that it took so long, school has been hectic lately. Next chapter will be up by next Tuesday at the latest… hopefully.**

**Special thanks to my lovely Beta SassySaviorSwag :)**

**Shout out to coolami69 on Tumblr for her request of seeing everyone get Cora'd.**

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. ABC owns everything.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

* * *

"Emma… I need you to do me a favor." Snow said to her daughter, wringing her hands nervously and shifting back and forth on her feet.

"What is it?" Emma asked, not looking up from her desk. Her and Regina had just gotten back from their honeymoon a few days ago, and they both had a mountain of paperwork to get through to make up for their time gone.

"Can you go to the store for me? I'm kinda nervous to go on my own and get it and just I was wondering…" Snow rambled before Emma let out a frustrated sigh.

"Mom, just write down what you want me to pick up for you and I will get it. But right now I have a shit ton of paperwork to make up." Emma groaned out before turning her attention back to her stack of papers, ignoring the slip that Snow laid next to her.

"Thank you so much!" Snow exclaimed before turning and running from the station.

"I'm ready for another vacation." Emma muttered under her breath before continuing with her work.

She worked for another half hour before stopping, finally deciding to take a look at what her mother wanted her to pick up.

She lifted the slip and her eyes widened as she looked.

"You have GOT to be fucking kidding me!" Emma groaned out before dropping her head to the desk with a loud thump.

"Do watch yourself dear, I'd rather not have to find a new Sheriff while you recoup from a self given concussion." Regina's voice flitted into the room, making Emma's head shoot up quickly and a large smile grace her face.

"Hey babe." Emma said happily before she hopped up from her chair and ran to her wife, quickly pulling her into her arms.

"I thought you would like to go and grab some lunch." Regina muttered against Emma's lips.

"Can't I just eat you?" Emma asked with a smirk, making Regina's eyes darken at the thought.

"I don't believe I hold enough nutritional value." Regina replied, a slow smirk creeping up her own face as she looked at her wife.

"That's debatable." Emma stated before brushing her lips against her wife's very slowly, poking a tongue out to trail across her upper lip scar and making the brunette moan.

Regina let out a groan before she pushed Emma back against the nearest filing cabinet.

"Just fuck me." Regina growled out before she made quick work of their clothing.

* * *

"RUBY WHERE ARE MY UNDERWEAR?!" Cora shrieked out, all but flipping everything in the damn room over.

"Lampshade!" Ruby called back from the bathroom, making Cora peek up over the bed. Her eyes landed on the garment and she quickly grabbed them and threw them on her body.

"I have to go dear! I'm supposed to meet with Emma today!" Cora called out before she finished dressing and flew from Ruby's apartment.

She allowed her magic to swirl around her and transport her just outside the sheriff station; she was already running late for her and Emma's meeting.

Cora entered the station and was about to call out for Emma as she entered the room, but her voice caught in her throat when she rounded the corner and saw her daughter kneeling on the floor, her head buried in between the Sheriff's legs.

Emma's head was tossed back and she was panting heavily and groaning, one leg tossed over Regina's shoulder as a tan hand slid up and down it teasingly.

"OH GOOD GOD! AT THE FUCKING OFFICE!?" Cora shrieked out, startling Emma and Regina.

Regina grasped Emma's legs tightly, keeping her wife from falling off of the desk.

"Mother do you MIND?" Regina growled out.

"I had a meeting with Emma today to discuss some things but it appears that getting fucked is higher on her priority list. It's not like you two haven't been going at it like you're in charge of repopulating the planet." Cora replied.

"Mother, Emma and I are married now and if I want to fuck my wife on her desk I will damn well do that."

"Please, you two have fucked on every surface in this damn town before you were even married."

"Um can you two NOT carry on a normal conversation right now?" Emma piped up, attempting to move her legs away from Regina but the brunette held firm.

"Mother, go occupy yourself for a bit. Emma will be with you after I am finished with her." Regina replied.

Cora rolled her eyes and turned to exit the room, she stopped suddenly and turned around looking to her daughter.

"Oh by the way dear you have cum on your face." Cora pointed out before exiting.

"That wasn't awkward at all." Emma groaned out as she looked down to her wife.

"Don't worry about her dear. Now." Regina begin, her eyes flickering down to Emma's sex with a glint in her eyes, "Where was I?"

* * *

Hook walked down the street, whistling a pirate tune to himself as he strolled. He turned into a nearby alleyway, enjoying his brief walk before he would head back to his lovely ship.

" _Hook."_ A voice flitted out from behind him, causing him to stop dead in his tracks.

"What the bloody hell?" Hook mumbled to himself, wondering where the voice came from. He shrugged before he continued to walk.

" _Hook."_ The voice said again, this time making Hook spin around and freeze.

A book trolley sat in the alleyway behind him.

"Why is there a book trolley in the middle of the alleyway?" Hook wondered aloud as he eyed the books.

" _I'm here for you."_ The books said, making Hook's eyes widen.

"No. Not again. My nightmares-."

" _They're all coming true Hook."_ The books interrupted.

"No. No! NOOOO!" Hook yelled out before turning and running down the alley, heading straight for the docks.

He rounded the corner and stopped.

The trolley sat just ahead of him.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!?" Hook screamed at the trolley. Terrified of the books that had bested him so many times before.

" _We want…"_

"Yes?"

" _We want…"_

"Yes?"

" _We want, to give you…"_

"What? GIVE ME WHAT!?" Hook yelled, his back hitting the nearest wall.

" _To give you… PAPERCUTS!"_

The scream that escaped Hook's lips was not human, and certainly not man worthy, and he took off running at full speed towards his ship, leaving the book trolley sitting alone in the alley.

The blue smoke encased the trolley, covering it from view and once the smoke dissipated, Cora was left standing in its wake.

She chuckled maniacally to herself.

"Cora'd."

* * *

Snow walked through the park, enjoying the day and the sun that shone brightly down on her. She let out a contented sigh as she spotted a nearby bench, quickly sitting down on it and watching the children run and play with each other.

Her therapy sessions had been going better and she was controlling her impulses more. Which was something that everyone in the town was certainly grateful for as well.

A movement out of the corner of her eyes made her turn her head, her eyes zeroing in on the small bunny rabbit that sat just a pace away from her. It's little black eyes boring into her own as she gave a shudder at the intensity.

"Shoo." Snow urged, ushering her hand out to try and get the fluffy creature to scamper away.

Instead it just sat there and stared.

"Shoooooo." Snow urged again, her voice more commanding.

" _Snow. Why did you abandon us?"_

"I… I didn't abandon any of you." Snow replied, tension in her shoulders as she interacted with the rabbit, knowing that it wasn't helping her rehab.

" _But you did. You left us. All alone."_

"I did no such thing." Snow replied.

The bunny rabbit ducked its head in sadness, making Snow give a whimper.

" _You will pay."_

The fluffy mammal lifted its head shortly after, eyes even darker then before. Its mouth opened and sharp pointy teeth could be seen, resembling that of the teeth of Leviathan.

Snow jumped up from her bench and screamed bloody murder before turning and running through the park, arms flailing and her screams eventually fading out into the distance.

The bunny rabbit gave a satisfied smirk before it was engulfed in blue smoke, disappearing shortly after to reveal a very satisfied Cora.

"Serves you right for smothering me when I was a puppy." Cora said to herself before she magicked herself away.

* * *

Regina walked out into her backyard, smiling to herself as she walked towards the bench just under her apple tree.

She had just returned from the Sheriff station, now completely satisfied that her and her wife had some alone time during their workday.

Regina sat down and sighed, leaning against the back of the bench and smiling to herself. Her body still felt like mush and tingled from Emma's ministrations.

She thought back to the events that transpired in the office but was brought back to reality when an apple landed on the spot next to her.

She opened her eyes and glanced down at the offending apple, picking it up to examine it.

Another apple fell on her other side, making her look to it and pick it up next.

She examined both apples, confused as to why they had fallen when their stems were still healthy, not at all ready to fall from the tree.

"What on earth?" Regina asked herself aloud before she began to adjust her position on the bench so she could look behind her.

Her eyes glanced up from the apple and she let out a loud scream, falling backwards off of the bench and landing with an "oomph" on the ground.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled, eyes blazing with anger as she pushed her hair back out of her face.

Cora's face was sitting in the middle of the tree trunk.

"Hello dear." Cora said with a smile.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"

Cora gave her daughter a confused look.

"I'm your apple tree."

"Why?!" Regina demanded as she scrambled to her feet, brushing the wrinkles out of her dress.

"For fun." Cora replied with a smile, which only grew when her daughter began fuming. "Regina, guess what?"

"What mother?" Regina asked through gritted teeth.

"You've been Cora'd." Cora replied before disappearing from sight.

* * *

"I can't believe I am actually buying this for her." Emma groaned out as she entered the pharmacy, heading straight to the aisle of her destination.

Emma's eyes scanned the shelf, looking at each package and debating which one she should buy.

Her cell phone gave a shrill ring, making her groan and answer it without looking at who it was.

"Sheriff Swan speaking." Emma answered.

" _Emma, meet me by the docks in a half hour. We need to have a serious talk."_ Regina's voice flitted over the phone.

"Babe is everything alright?" Emma asked, concern evident in her voice.

" _No it is not. It has to deal with my mother."_ Regina replied, her voice terse and Emma immediately knew her mother-in-law had done something to piss her off.

"Okay I'll meet you there." Emma replied before hanging up. Her eyes flitting back to the wall of selections.

She shrugged and grabbed the best one and headed to the counter to pay. She had just handed over her money when a loud crash from outside caused her to grab the purchase and run straight outside.

She scanned the street frantically, her eyes finally landing on Cora, running down the street with a look of utter glee on her face as Granny chased after her like a bat out of hell.

"JUST TRY AND CATCH ME BITCHES!" Cora yelled as she ran, disappearing in a puff of blue smoke shortly after.

"Granny!" Emma called out, rushing to the older woman, "What's going on?"

"Your mother in law has been pranking the entire damn town all day long." Granny answered, clearly angry.

"What do you mean?"

"She has been disguising herself and giving people fucking heart attacks. Seeing her face appear in my meatloaf was not the way I pictured my day happening." Granny replied with a huff before turning and walking back down the street.

"She must have gotten Regina." Emma groaned as she mulled the whole thing over.

* * *

"Granny how are you this fine day?" Mr. Gold asked as he leaned on his cane, placing his order for a coffee.

"Well I have been better. You might wanna keep an eye out though Gold." Granny answered as she poured him a cup.

"And why is that dearie?" Gold asked. He placed his money on the counter and took a sip of the beverage.

"Cora is running around, shifting herself into people and objects. It's freaking everyone else the fuck out. No one seems to be safe."

"You mean to tell me that Cora is shifting into objects?" Gold asked with an amused smirk.

Granny nodded before answering, "She's been doing it all day long. Everyone and everything is Cora, and no one is safe."

"How do I know you aren't Cora then?" Gold asked, his eyes narrowing in on Granny.

"How do I know _you_ aren't Cora?" Granny replied, leaning in to examine Gold.

They stared at each other for a moment.

"I guess you don't." Gold replied before smirking and walking out of the door.

He made it to the bottom of the stairs and proceeded to walk, using his cane for balance as usual.

He felt a quiver and before he knew it his coffee went flying into the air as he fell, face first into the sidewalk.

Feet appeared in front of his face and a laugh accompanied them, making him sit up quickly with a scowl.

"Cora'd!" Cora yelled before running off down the street and leaving Gold sitting on the sidewalk.

"Fucking crazy bitch." Gold muttered before he picked himself back up.

* * *

Regina entered the diner, wanting to get some coffee before she headed to the docks to meet with Emma about her mother.

"Hello Granny." Regina greeted as she sat on the stool at the counter, offering a small smile to the older woman.

Granny merely grunted in greeting and acknowledgement before going to grab Regina some coffee.

She sat the cup down in front of the brunette and headed to the back room, clearly agitated.

Ruby came out of the back room and walked over to Regina, smirking as she looked at the cup in her hand.

"What's that?" Ruby asked, making Regina look up at her with a confused expression.

"It's coffee." Regina answered, her face contorted in confusion as she examined the young waitress.

"Well what's that?" Ruby asked, seeming genuinely confused.

Regina's eyebrows knitted in confusion before answering very slowly.

"It's a liquid beverage made from coffee beans." Regina replied. Ruby seemed satisfied with the answer before walking away and leaving Regina with her coffee.

"I wonder if my mother has 'Cora'd' anyone else today." Regina muttered thoughtfully into her cup before she took a swig.

A few minutes later Ruby appeared back at Regina's side.

"What's that?" Ruby asked again, making Regina look at the waitress like she had three heads.

" _What in the actual fuck?"_ Regina thought before looking to her cup and then back at the brunette.

"It's coffee dear."

"What's that?" Ruby asked, the same confused expression on her face as before.

"It's a liquid beverage made from coffee beans." Regina answered once more, watching as Ruby nodded and then walked away again.

"Okay what the hell." Regina muttered before taking another tentative swig of her coffee.

A few minutes passed and once more Regina found the brunette at her side, staring at her cup again.

"What's that?" Ruby asked for the third time, making Regina's hand tighten on the cup.

Her mother would certainly be pissed at her if she would hurt her girlfriend… but her patience was beginning to wear thin.

"It's coffee."

"What's that?"

"A liquid beverage made from coffee beans!" Regina hissed out quickly, her anger flaring when Ruby nodded and walked away again.

The bell to the diner chimed and a very angry Gold entered, sitting himself down next to Regina with a huff.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Regina asked arching an eyebrow as she looked at the man and former teacher.

"Your mother 'Cora'd' me." Gold answered with a scowl.

"Don't fret she got me earlier as well." Regina replied with a frown.

"Apparently she has been doing this to everyone all day."

"We're going to have to start to find a way to distinguish who is who." Regina replied with a light chuckle.

"Yes well… she appeared in the form of my cane and just when I needed it, conveniently changed back and left me fall to my doom." Gold replied with a snarl.

Regina tried to suppress a chuckle but only half succeeded.

She felt a presence next to her and tensed, very slowly she began to turn, her eyes falling on Ruby once more.

"What's tha-?"

"OH YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS! IT'S A FUCKING BOWL OF SOUP!" Regina yelled out at the waitress.

"NO, YOU'RE A FUCKING BOWL OF SOUP!" Ruby yelled back before blue smoke engulfed her.

Revealing Cora.

"CORA'D!" Cora yelled before running from the diner as fast as possible.

Regina felt her anger flare and the cup in her hand shattered, along with a few more glasses in the diner as her magic released itself.

* * *

Emma plopped herself down on the bench at the docks with a sigh. She smiled to herself as she looked down at the bench, her eyes falling on the engraved initials of herself and Regina's.

She had carved their names into the bench back when they had first started dating, after all this was where everything had started in the first place. Her fingers traced over the initials before she felt the familiar tingle that hit her whenever Regina was near.

She turned in her seat and offered up a smile, but it quickly fell when she saw Regina's angry expression.

"What's wrong babe?" Emma asked as Regina sat down next to the blonde.

"My MOTHER!" Regina huffed out.

"What happened?" Emma asked, eyebrows knitting in confusion. "I saw Granny chasing her earlier and she said something about Cora appearing in her meatloaf."

"My mother has been going around pranking people, by turning herself into objects and disguising herself as other people. She's gotten me twice today."

Emma snickered a little but stopped when Regina glared at her.

"No by all means Miss Swan, laugh all you want. It's all fun and games until she gets you." Regina said haughtily.

"Awww babe, don't be like that." Emma replied, nudging Regina with her shoulder.

Regina merely groaned. She turned to look at her wife and couldn't help but melt at the adorable pout Emma was giving her.

She leaned it, her lips just about to touch Emma's when the bench fell out from under them, sending them both to the ground with a thud.

"CORA'D!" Cora yelled out with glee.

"CORA GOD DAMNIT!" Emma yelled out, hopping to her feet quickly and about to attack the woman, only to find she was gone.

"What did she do with our bench?" Regina asked from the ground, a sad look on her face.

Emma glanced at the bench next to them and let out a relieved sigh.

"She just moved it to the side. Come on let's get home where we can possibly be safe for a bit." Emma said as she helped her wife to her feet.

They walked away hand in hand and just as they disappeared Cora reappeared to move the bench back in place.

Her eyes flickered down and zeroed in on the package that Emma had dropped when she fell. She squatted down and picked it up, turning it over to read the label.

Her eyes bulged when she read the title "Pregnancy Test".

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT I'M GOING TO BE A GRANDMA TO A NEW BABY!" Cora yelled out happily before running around in a circle and magicking back to the house immediately.

* * *

"Babe let's go to Granny's before we head back. I want to talk to some of the people and see what we should do about Cora." Emma said as they walked towards the diner.

They were surprised to find that the diner was packed when they entered, filled with angry Storybrooke citizens.

"Everything okay here?" Emma piped up, her grip tightening on Regina's hand.

"You got your snicker's?" Granny asked, her eyes narrowing in on the two women.

"Snicker's?" Regina and Emma asked in unison.

"They're fine Granny, Cora can't be both of them" Ruby said.

"Or can she?" Gold asked and everyone shared a look before Granny sighed and handed Regina and Emma each a snickers bar.

"Keep that on you at all times. If you aren't sure if the person you are interacting with is Cora or not, just hold up your Snicker's and they will do the same back. If they don't have a Snicker's, they're Cora." Granny explained.

"So what's going on?" Emma asked, gesturing to the room. Her eyes landing on a very frazzled Snow who was being comforted by James, and a very frightened Hook being coddled by Belle as he rocked himself back and forth.

"Well Cora appeared to Snow as a bunny rabbit and turned into… well something that scared Snow. Books were chasing Hook, Whale thought he was about to score with Rachel Tice but it turned out to be Cora. Grumpy was about to get his drink on when his alcohol turned into Cora, Cora was my meatloaf, Cora was Ruby…" Granny trailed off, looking to her granddaughter. "What did Cora do to you?"

Ruby hesitated a moment.

"I'd rather not talk about it." Ruby said with a severe blush and everyone quickly realized they shouldn't press the issue.

"Jesus is everyone in this damn town Cora!?" Emma huffed out.

"YES!" Were the resounding answers, making Emma's eyes widen briefly.

"So many books. They just kept appearing." Hook whispered to Belle as he wiped the smeared eyeliner from underneath his eyes.

"Okay we need to have a serious talk with your mother. It is NOT okay to keep impersonating people." Emma said seriously before guiding Regina out of the diner and down the street.

They reached the house quickly and entered, immediately heading up the stairs.

"Cora we need to talk!" Emma called before she opened the door to Cora's room, stopping dead in her tracks and causing Regina to slam into her backside.

Cora's room had been completely transformed into a nursery, making Regina's eyes widen and little tears to form as she took in all the colors and designs.

"I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU TWO!" Cora squealed before she rushed to the two women and embraced them.

"Mother what is all of this?" Regina asked as her mother continued to hug them.

"Why Emma is pregnant of course!" Cora said excitedly, making Regina shove her mother away from her and spin to face Emma.

"You're pregnant?" Regina asked, the waver in her voice evident as she looked to Emma.

"What? No!" Emma reassured strongly, mistaking her wife's tears as betrayal.

Regina's face fell slightly before her gaze hardened.

"Why do you think I'm pregnant?" Emma asked Cora.

"Well I saw the pregnancy test at the dock and I assumed that you and Regina finally decided to give me a magic grandbaby." Cora replied with confusion.

"The test wasn't for me! It was for Snow!" Emma replied with a huff.

"God help that child." Regina muttered, but Cora and Emma caught it, both nodding in agreement.

"I'll be downstairs." Regina said suddenly, her posture rigid as she quickly exited the room.

"So wait… you aren't pregnant?" Cora asked Emma.

The blonde merely shook her head and Cora's eyes widened and purple swirls began to form.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?" Cora screamed out, flinging out her hand and wrecking a dresser.

"Cora calm down!" Emma yelled, trying to calm the woman.

"I DID ALL THIS WORK TO GET READY FOR THE BABY AND YOU AREN'T FUCKING HAVING ONE!? THIS IS BULLSHIT. BULLSHIT I TELL YOU!"

"Cora stop! You're like a pissed off period that gives us horrible cramps!" Emma yelled, dodging as a stuffed animal was thrown past her head.

"I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!" Cora shrieked, "I WILL HAVE MY MAGIC BABY DAMNIT! MARK MY WORDS! IT WILL HAPPEN!" Cora screamed as she continued to throw things.

Emma dove from the room, slamming the door behind her before running down the stairs to find her wife.

"Regina? Regina? Where are you? Your mom has gone crazy and is tearing apart the bedroom like a nutcase all because she isn't getting a magic baby." Emma said before she rounded the corner to the study, stopping when she saw Regina sitting there, tears running down her face.

"Babe?" Emma asked worriedly, rushing to her wife and kneeling in front of her. "You're upset." She stated.

Regina scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Great observation Sherlock. Would you like a fucking medal or something?" Regina huffed out, hastily wiping her eyes.

"Why are you crying?"

"You aren't pregnant. I'm not pregnant." Regina admitted softly, making Emma smile.

"You want to have a magic baby?" Emma asked with a bright smile, making Regina give a small one and nod.

"I do." Regina confirmed.

"Well… we just got married. So why don't we enjoy our time a little more before we start trying?" Emma suggested, making Regina smile brightly and give her a firm kiss.

"This makes me so happy!" Cora exclaimed, her face sticking out of the TV and making Regina and Emma shriek.

"CAN YOU NOT!?" Emma yelled at the woman. "HOW THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN DO THAT YOU WERE JUST UPSTAIRS!"

"I'm Cora dear… I am _everyone and everything._ "

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Please review!**


	19. The Other World

 

**Okay everyone, here is Chapter 19... it's definitely different than the other chapters, but I hope you all like it.**

**It will be two parts, so Chapter 20 will be picking up where 19 left off.**

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing, and if I did, Snow wouldn't have manipulated Regina.** _

**Trigger warning for light drug use.**

**I'm still upset over that.**

**Anyways, here's chapter 19**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Contains spoilers from 2x16 The Miller's Daughter... don't read if you haven't seen the episode.**

* * *

"Hey Regina…"

Silence.

"Regina…"

Silence.

"Regiinnaaaa." Cora drew out, slowly peeking up over Regina's desk.

"What mother!?" Regina snapped, finally lifting her eyes from her paperwork.

"I have a surprise for you!" Cora said happily, hopping up and smiling brightly.

Regina eyed her mother suspiciously.

"What is it?"

"It's a surprise duh. Just come follow me." Cora replied with an eye roll and some sass before quirking her finger for Regina to follow, and leading her from her study.

They made their way out to the back yard and Cora spun around on the spot, a mischievous look in her eyes.

"May I have my surprise now?" Regina asked impatiently, she had a lot of work to get done and would like to have her evening free.

"So impatient." Cora huffed, "Close your eyes."

Regina gave an eye roll before she closed her eyes, listening to her mother giggle.

She felt a shift in the air and scrunched her brows together, thinking her mother was up to something with her magic.

"Open them." Cora instructed.

Regina complied, and her eyes widened when she saw the hat spinning on the ground, the portal completely open.

"Get in loser, we're going portal jumping!" Cora cried happily before she shoved Regina through the portal.

"TAALLYYYY HOOOOOOOOO!" Cora cried happily as she jumped after Regina, the hat finally ceased it's spinning and the two women disappeared from sight.

* * *

Regina and Cora both landed with an oomph, both groaning as they stood.

"You have to be fucking kidding me mother! Portal hopping! I have a town to run I can't be-." Regina cut off her rant as she took in her backyard. "Why are we still in my backyard?"

Cora looked around and gave a groan.

"Fucking hell Jefferson!" Cora yelled, "He said this stupid hat would work."

"Well, now that my problem is solved." Regina replied with a grin before walking back into the house, her pouting mother following close behind.

"Stupid hat, taking away all my fun." Cora grumbled.

Regina and Cora made their way back into the study and Regina frowned at her desk.

Her paper work was gone.

"Where is my paperwork? It was sitting right here." Regina mumbled aloud before groaning and turning to her still pouting mother. "Put the hat down and let's go and see your girlfriend, I could use some lunch."

Cora gave a firmer pout but nodded, following Regina from the house as they walked down the streets of Storybrooke.

"THERE SHE IS!"

"GET HER!"

The two women stopped in the street, turning to look at a very fast approaching, and angry mob.

"Oh an angry mob. How lovely, I haven't seen one in so long!" Cora cried happily, clapping her hands together as they watched.

"Mother I think we should head back to the house." Regina said slowly as the mob advanced.

"Why dear? Let's join in!" Cora said happily, poofing herself a pitchfork and a torch.

"Mother put that away!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Make me!"

Regina gave her mother a death glare.

"KILL THE WICKED WOMAN CORA!" They yelled, making Cora stand straight up.

"The fuck they just say about me?"

"Mother let's go!" Regina urged, tugging on her mother's arm.

"Oh hell no! I AM NOT WICKED! DO I LOOK LIKE FUCKING ELPHABA TO YOU!?"

"She's actually quite nice mother." Regina defended before grabbing onto the woman and magicking them back into the house.

"I am not wicked." Cora repeated, pouting once more as Regina sighed.

"Why on earth would an angry mob be after you? What did you do this time?" Regian asked in a stern voice.

"I did absolutely nothing!"

"Were you going around shape shifting and yelling 'Cora'd' again?"

Cora mumbled a little, "Not enough to spur an angry mob."

"This is absurd mother! You have to stop popping up around town and freaking people out!"

Cora gave an eye roll and a bit of a huff before they heard the front door open.

"That must be Emma." Regina stated before a smile broke out across her face and she strutted from the living room to the foyer, "Honey you're home."

Regina finished but froze on the spot when she saw herself and her mother standing there.

"Is it Emma? Perhaps she won't bitch at me for my shenanig-." Cora's voice died in her throat as she stood next to Regina, taking in the appearance of the exact replicas of themselves in front of them.

"The fuck?" Cora asked as she looked at the women in front of her.

"Excuse me?" The other Cora and Regina asked in disbelief.

"The fuck is this shit? Is someone pranking us? Did someone steal my Cora'd technique?" Cora asked with a huff as she crossed her arms, "Regina what the hell is this?"

"Mother would you shut up." Regina growled out, making her mother pout, "And stop pouting! It seems I am going to have to have a serious talk with Emma when we figure this out." Regina finished.

"Who are you?" The other Regina asked, summoning a fireball in her hand, "And what are you doing in my house?"

"Excuse me? This is my house!" Regina replied, summoning an equally large fireball to her hand as the two brunette's glared daggers at each other.

"Regina who are these imposters?" The other Cora asked, head held high as she looked at the two in front of her.

"Imposters?!" Cora replied haughtily.

"Okay why don't we just calm down, I am sure there is a reasonable explanation for this." Regina stated as she looked to her mother.

Cora stood there idly, examining her nails, only stopping when she felt three pairs of eyes on her.

"Why the hell is everyone looking at me?" Cora demanded.

"Because mother you pushed me through that damned hat and now all of a sudden there are two of us." Regina replied through clenched teeth.

"Nothing happened! Jefferson said that the hat was special but apparently- ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Cora drawled out with wide eyes.

"Yes?"

"Well… I guess the hat did work… he said it would take us to a new world but… also another dimension."

"And you didn't think that was important!?" Regina demanded, eyes blazing.

"IT'S FINE REGINA GOD CALM YOUR TITS!" Cora yelled back, startling the other Regina and Cora.

"Not that I am a fan of such crude language or anything… but it does sound rather appealing coming from my mouth." The other Cora said with a smirk.

"No ideas." The other Regina warned.

"Geez I guess Regina is just as uptight in this world. Is Emma not doing her job and getting you off?" Cora asked with serious concern.

"I beg your pardon?" The other Regina demanded.

"Emma. You and Emma doing the nasty." Cora supplied with a duh expression.

"Miss Swan and I have no such relation." The other Regina defended, a blush creeping up her cheeks.

Regina smirked in amusement as she watched the blush on the others face.

"Wait… what?" Cora asked seriously.

"Miss Swan and I are not together." The other Regina informed, making Cora's eyes bulge.

"Regina could I see you a sec?" Cora asked her daughter before pulling her into another room. "This is perfect."

"What?"

"This world's Regina and Emma aren't together. I sense an opportunity to expand our armada. We shall have them together in all the worlds!" Cora said excitedly before poofing on her captain's hat.

"Mother we can't manipulate things here."

"The fuck we can! I will NOT have you unhappy in any world Regina!"

"Mother stop." Regina warned, her mother was getting loud.

"I SHALL GET YOU LAID REGINA IF IT IS THE LAST THING I DO!" Cora declared loudly. The two brunettes's heard a cough and a gasp come from the foyer and before Regina could react Cora was walking back to the two women.

"What on earth is on my head?" The other Cora asked her daughter with concern.

"This is my captains hat." Cora replied.

"Captains hat?"

"Yes. You see I am the captain of the Swan Queen armada back in our world."

"Swan Queen armada?" The other Regina asked in confusion.

"Basically we want you and Emma together really really bad… and we got our wish."

The other Regina's eyes widened drastically.

"Miss Swan and I are together?"

"Married actually." Regina replied with a smirk.

"Married?!" The other Cora and Regina shrieked.

"Oh yeah." Cora said with a smile.

"Is um… ahhh…" The other Regina tried, her blush giving away her question.

"The sex is amazing." Regina answered with a grin.

"I can attest to that. They never know when to be quiet and they are constantly doing it-."

"Mother!"

"And they are just kinky as fuck. Seriously we need to get you and Emma together here because you clearly don't know what you are missing." Cora answered, ignoring her daughter's protests.

"So you are us from another world… And in this world Miss Swan and myself are married?" The other Regina asked.

Cora and Regina nodded, a shit eating grin on Cora's face.

"I see. And um… I am happy?" She asked, a pained expression crossing her face and making Regina frown in sympathy.

"Very much so. You're happily married and in love with an amazing woman. Henry couldn't be happier, and well… you have your mother." Regina said with a smile, as she looked to Cora.

"See I knew you were happy to have me around." Cora said with a smirk.

"Don't push it mother."

"You looovvveee meeeee."

"Mother."

"You'd miss me blowing shit up if I was gone."

"That I could do without."

"You'd miss my shenanigans."

"I could do without that as well."

"Oh shut up and get the stick out of your ass. How are you the same woman that ate pot brownies and ran around town screaming 'IT'S MAGIC BITCHES'?" Cora asked with a huff.

"I did what now?" The other Regina asked, eyebrows raised.

"Am I always like this?" The other Cora asked, gesturing to herself.

"Yes… unfortunately."

"Would you rather me be a bitch?" Cora asked her daughter with a pout.

"No mother." Regina replied with an eye roll.

"I don't understand, how am I so happy?" The other Cora asked with a confused expression.

Cora just shrugged.

"I wanted to make amends and be there for my daughter… be a family with her and Emma and Henry and yes even the two idiots."

The other Cora and Regina smirked.

"So they are idiots there as well?"

"Oh you have nooooo idea." Regina replied with a sigh.

"Do we just have Henry?" The other Regina asked, a small hopeful smile on her face.

"Yes, just Henry." Regina answered, frowning as she watched the smile fall from the others face.

"See Regina now you made yourself sad! THIS IS WHY WE DON'T HAVE NICE THINGS!"

"Mother we do have nice things."

"Not a nice new baby!"

"Mother!"

"Nothing beats that new baby smell!"

"Seriously you wouldn't believe this shit." Cora started, speaking to her double, "I have done all this work to make sure those two are happy. I even helped Emma propose. They fuck like their lives depend on it and all I ask for is a magical baby grandchild, and they can't even give me that."

The other Cora's mouth hung open before she turned to her daughter.

"All I ask for is magical baby grandchild and you won't give me it?"

"Mother, Emma and I aren't even together!" The other Regina huffed out.

"I even turned my room into a fucking nursery for them but noooooo NO FUCKING BABY!"

"Mother!"

"IT'S BULLSHIT REGINA, BULLSHIT!"

Regina let out an exasperated sigh.

"Oh by the way we ran into a mob when we stepped outside." Regina supplied, making both of the women frown.

"That is expected. We just magick ourselves around so no one notices us." The other Cora answered.

"Why is that?" Regina asked.

The two women shared a look.

"It's a complicated matter. One that perhaps both of you can help us with?" The other Cora answered with a mischievous smirk.

"Ohhhh yes." Cora said with glee, making her double give an approving smile.

"What exactly are we helping you with?" Regina asked the two.

"We want to retrieve Rumple's dagger to control him, so Regina can get her son back." The other Cora explained.

"RUMPLE HAS MY SON!?" Regina yelled, seething some.

"This isn't good." Cora muttered.

"No it's… it's complicated." The other Regina said simply.

Regina and Cora shared a look before nodding their agreement to help.

"On one condition." Cora said, making all three look at her curiously.

"What's that?" The other Regina asked.

"We get to spend some quality time with you. I get to spend time with myself, and you two get to spend time together." Cora said.

The women all looked to each other and nodded their agreement.

"Excellent." Cora said with a grin.

* * *

"What are we doing again?" The other Cora asked, eyeing the brownie batter in confusion.

"We are making pot brownies, and you and I are going to enjoy the after effects." Cora replied as she dumped a baggy of greens into the batter. "Regina got very high off of this and ran around town amuck. It was quite hilarious."

They put the brownies in the oven and started to chitchat a little, the conversation coming back to Emma and Regina.

"So they are married and only have Henry?" C asked Cora with a smirk.

"Yes. They're quite sickening sometimes." Cora replied with a small smile, "But it's refreshing, to see Regina so happy."

C gave a frown and looked to the ground, making Cora's eyebrows crease in confusion.

"What the fuck is wrong with you all of a sudden?" Cora demanded.

"I've never even met Henry." She replied sadly.

"Oh."

"Yes."

"Well now I feel like a total ass hat."

"A what?"

"Ass hat."

"You have quite a colorful language."

"I learned from Emma."

"Is she a bad influence on Regina?"

"God no… unless it's in the bedroom. The girl can ride like a man."

"How do you-"

"I have a habit of accidentally walking in on them. Kinky bitches don't even bother locking the damn door." Cora said with a small huff.

A ding echoed in the room and Cora retrieved the brownies, setting them on the cooling rack.

"What happens after we eat them?" C asked, her eyebrows scrunching together.

"We… are going to have a great deal of fun." Cora replied with a mischievous grin.

* * *

"So… married. What is it like being in an actual marriage?" Gina asked her double, sipping her wine.

"It's wonderful. I never thought I would find happiness… but then Emma showed up and even though I despised her in the beginning. We both wanted what was best for Henry… and then realized we wanted what was best for each other, which was admitting our feelings towards one another and giving it a shot."

"It clearly worked out."

"Yes it did."

"So will you have more children?"

"I certainly want one more, so does Emma… but we are content right now and are taking it slow, despite what my mother wants."

"She is so different from mine."

"She is quite a handful, be grateful." Regina replied with a laugh. "At least you don't have to worry about your mother blowing up your property or holding ship wars."

"She seems… fun and loving though." Gina said with a sad smile.

"Is yours not?"

"She wants what is best for me but…"

"Does she have her heart?" Regina asked suddenly, watching as Gina's eyes widened and she shook her head no.

"Perhaps putting it back in will make it better. That's what mine did. And look at her now, she's like a small child, constantly demanding attention and getting herself into all sorts of trouble."

Gina gave a chuckle and took another swig of her wine.

"So… about Miss Swan…" Gina started hesitantly, making Regina smirk.

"What do you want to know?"

"In bed is she-." Regina held up a hand to stop the other woman.

"She is fantastic and I cannot tell you how many headboards I have had to buy in the past two years." Regina chuckled lightly, "Trust me, you won't be disappointed."

"Your mother called you kinky bitches."

"We are. We enjoy our slight bondage and toys… having sex in public places is also a favorite." Regina replied with a wink, making Gina blush.

"Perhaps I should try to start something with Miss Swan after all."

"Oh and when you role-play, make sure to call her Miss Swan or Sheriff Swan… She'll turn into a water slide."

Gina's eyes darkened considerably at that information. She was about to ask another question when the Cora's interrupted them, walking into the living room with eyes wide as saucers.

"Mother?" Gina asked, her voice filled with concern.

"Oh you have to be fucking kidding me." Regina groaned out, "How did you even get a hold of that?!"

"I always keep a stash on me, geez Regina. Sometimes I wonder how you are even my daughter." Cora muttered with an eye roll.

"Mother are you alright?" Gina asked.

"I feel like I could fly!" C yelped happily, looking to her counterpart with a glint in her eyes, "Can I fly? May I try flying, that seems like it would be so much fun OH MY GOODNESS WHAT IS THAT!?"

"Woah… calm yo tits." Cora said, making a pump the brakes motion with her hands.

C rushed to the side table and scooped up a magic 8 ball of Henry's. Gina frowned, realizing that she never even moved it from it's resting spot.

"What is this contraption?"

"Yes Regina what is this?" Cora asked, entranced by the ball as she sat next to her counterpart.

"It's called a magic 8 ball mother… mothers." Regina corrected, looking to her counterpart and shrugging before looking back to the two older women.

"What do you do?" C asked, eyes wide.

"You ask it a question, shake it, and it will answer you with the die." Gina replied.

"Will I get Rumple's dagger?" C asked with glee as she shook the ball furiously.

Both women sat and waited as the die rolled, finally stopping.

_Yes._

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I WIN!" C cried happily, tossing the ball into the air and Cora scrambling to catch it and landing with an oomph.

"I never realized how much I resembled Yzma." Cora muttered, making C look at her curiously. "Henry made me watch the Emperor's New Groove with him and there is a part in there with the hahaha I win and will you STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE I HAVE FIVE HEADS GOD WOMAN I CAN'T BELIEVE WE ARE THE SAME DAMN PERSON!"

"What else is from this movie?" C asked, eyes wide and curious. She was clearly still on her high.

"I assume Regina wants revenge on Snow White in this world?" Cora asked, after receiving a nod from C she continued, "Okay let's see, and allow me to rephrase this for your situation. I will take her heart and put that heart in a box and then I'll put that box inside of another box, and then I shall mail that box to Regina and when it arrives Regina will SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!"

Regina chuckled a little at her mother's rant, as did Gina… but the other Cora sat just as confused.

"I don't understand."

"Oh fuck this I'm done. Gimme that 8 ball." Cora demanded, snatching it from her counterpart's hands, "Will Ruby and I have hot sex when I get back?"

"Wait… what?" Gina asked, eyes wide.

"Oh yes, um, mother has a girlfriend. She's dating Ruby."

Gina visibly paled a little at that information.

"Ruby? As in the young waitress from that diner?" C asked.

"That's the one, smoking hot piece of ass." Cora answered.

"And I landed that?"

"MOTHER!" Gina yelled.

"What?! YOU KNOW HOW LONG I HAVE GONE WITHOUT SEX REGINA!? TOO LONG!" C yelled, making Cora beam at the similarities that came out when she was high.

"I can help you land her if you want." Cora said with a wink, "I know what she likes."

C looked at her for a moment before nodding giddly.

Cora glanced down at the ball and frowned.

"Oh great, just fucking great."

"What's wrong?" All three asked.

"It says, _not a chance_ … Ruby only ever turns down sex from me when I have done something that she doesn't like… Fuck this shit." Cora pouted before magicking the ball away, "Any who… If I can't get any, you certainly will be!" Cora smirked before magicking her and her counterpart away.

"Should we be worried?" Gina asked.

"Oh yes."

* * *

"Okay there she is."

"You realize that people hate me in this town correct?"

"Yes I am well aware, god… fun sucker."

"I am no such thing."

"Yeah you are, now shut the fuck up and listen here, magick yourself into your younger self and go in there and seduce her. Got it?"

"Seduce her as my younger self?"

"It's a turn on for her and she won't know it is you. Trust me here."

"I suppose I have nothing to lose."

"You don't, now go in there and seduce her."

"What do I even say?"

"God have you fucked ANYONE?!"

"It's been over 28 years…"

"Oh sweet god."

"Yes it's rather frightening isn't it?"

"You at least take care of yourself right?"

"I haven't had time. All of this revenge planning has been taxing. Not to mention that I have had to deal with that insufferable Snow White and Regina's enchanted box."

"Enchanted box? You mean the TV?"

"No."

"Microwave?"

"No."

"Grill?"

"No."

"Computer?"

"What are you even saying? This isn't even English that you are speaking to me."

"And I thought I was bad when I first got here."

"What is that supposed to mean!?"

"It means you're fucking dumb!"

"How dare you!"

"I AM TRYING TO GET YOU SOME ASS AND YOU ARE ARGUING WITH ME ABOUT ENCHANTED BOXES!"

"… I would like to get in Ruby's enchanted box."

"Yeah you did."

"I feel like this… high you said about is slipping."

"Here have another brownie."

"THAT WAS MY FACE!"

"Well it isn't my fault your reflexes suck at catching things!"

"Oh you know what-!?"

"Oh shut up and save your mouths energy. You'll need it when you're fucking your woman. Now transform and go and get her!"

"UGH FINE! But I don't see why you felt the need for us to hide in this dark alleyway, I can't see a shitting thing."

"There you go, let the curse words flow."

"Okay I'm done."

"If you need any help… Tell her you have a twin sister. I can help."

"Can't you just come with me now then?"

"Fine fine. Let's go get some Ruby ass."

* * *

"They've been gone for awhile." Gina said pointedly.

"Don't worry I am sure my mother is taking care of herself." Regina replied with a smile.

They heard a thump come from upstairs suddenly and both sprang to their feet, fireballs springing to their hands as they ran up the stairs, stopping outside of the guest room.

They gave a firm nod to each other before opening the door and running inside, stopping suddenly as they looked at three nude forms.

"What. The. Fuck." Regina said slowly, making the women stop and look at the two women at the foot of the bed.

"Hello dear!" Cora said happily, quickly casting a knock out curse on Ruby so she wouldn't see the two Regina's.

"Could you please put some clothing on your bodies?" Regina asked nicely.

"I have no words." Gina muttered as she looked back and forth between the young forms of her mothers, the other Cora not subtly wiping her mouth and chin as she sat up.

"You missed a spot." Regina pointed out, tapping to the woman's cheek.

The other Cora blushed and wiped her mouth once more.

"You are always interrupting my fun!" Cora huffed, sitting back on the bed, a robe now on her and her counterpart's bodies.

"Fun does not include bringing home Ruby and fucking her in my-her-our home!" Regina seethed.

"Listen, I haven't been laid in 28 years!" Cora yelled at her daughter, gesturing to her counterpart, "My vagina might as well have a sign dangling from it that says 'sorry we're closed for renovations!'"

"It's inappropriate!"

"Yeah well if it's civilized you're doing it wrong!"

"I would know nothing about that."

"Of course you wouldn't you fucking kinky bitch!"

"I think I am scarred for life." Gina muttered as she watched the scene unfold.

"IT WAS ONE TIME MOTHER!"

"I DIDN'T NEED TO SEE YOU WITH A BALL GAG IN YOUR MOUTH AND GETTING POUNDED FROM BEHIND LIKE FRESH BEEF AT THE BUTCHER!"

"IT WAS EMMA'S IDEA!"

"WELL SHE'S A KINKY BITCH TOO! YOU'RE ALL KINKY BITCHES!"

"SAYS THE WOMAN WHO IS FUCKING A WEREWOLF, 'OH YES RUBY DIG YOUR CLAWS INTO ME' IS NOT SOMETHING I NEED TO HEAR BEFORE GOING TO BED AT NIGHT!"

"I LIKE IT A LITTLE ROUGH REGINA!"

"WELL I DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT!"

The two women stopped their yelling, both breathing heavily before Regina rubbed her temples and dragged her counterpart from the room.

"Let's get you some wine." Regina said as they left.

"Round one goes to us." C said with a grin before they waved their hands and un-cursed Ruby.

"Now dear. Where were we?" Cora purred before locking the brunette's lips in a kiss.

"Mother we need to go now." Gina said frantically, startling the three women who were seated at the kitchen table talking.

* * *

"What's wrong dear?" C asked worriedly at seeing her daughter so frazzled.

"They're back, Emma, Henry, and the two idiots. We need to go now to get the dagger. They're holed up in Gold's shop!"

"Let's go ladies." C requested, all of them magicking themselves in front of the shop. "You two stay out of sight, we will handle this for the moment."

Regina and Cora nodded and stepped out of the way, concerned at where this was heading.

Once their counterparts removed the spell surrounding the shop, their bodies entered and disappeared. A great deal of commotion was heard in the shop and Regina and Cora both winced a little at a sharp pain they felt.

Before they knew it, a very frazzled Gina was running from the shop at full speed, magicking herself halfway.

"What the hell?" Regina muttered before she gestured her mother to follow her into the shop.

The place was a mess, glass was broken everywhere and the other Cora was nowhere in sight.

They heard some commotion from the back and followed the noise. They entered the room and observed Rumple lying on the bed, eyeing the other Cora with a tinge of fear.

"Who are they?" Rumple asked through a shallow breath.

"Little mishap with a portal hat, apparently inter-dimensional travel is possible." C said with a shrug as the other two moved to a nearby corner.

"Did you ever love me at all?" Rumple asked, his voice pained and sad.

Regina's eyes widened and she quickly looked to Cora.

"Look… it was a long time ago and he taught me how to spin straw into gold and we might have shared a ghost moment and dirty talked over revenge and had really hot sex but…" Cora trailed off, her eyes glazing over some.

"Mother ew no." Regina muttered with a groan.

"I can't help it dear. He was quite the beast in bed."

"Please stop."

"Oh Rumple… you were the only man I ever truly loved, why do you think I had to rip my own heart out?" The other Cora answered sadly.

"THAT'S why you ripped your heart out?"

"Look I was in love, the fuck you want me to do about it? Judgey much!?" Cora replied with a huff.

They're eyes turned back just in time to watch the other Cora raise the dagger.

"Oh fuck." Cora muttered, prepared to intervene when Gina came from nowhere and shoved a heart into the other's Cora's back, to her chest cavity.

She backed away a little bit and waited as her mother clutched her chest.

"Mother?" Gina asked, her voice hopeful and her eyes brimming with tears.

"Oh fuck Imma cry." Cora mumbled, waving her hand in her face.

The other Cora opened her eyes and let out a dazzling smile as she looked to her daughter.

It was as if years of put down emotions fled through her all at once, but the one that stood out the most, was love. Gina's eyes flooded with tears as they looked at each other.

"Oh god this is sweet."

"I need a camera."

"I'm so happy for myself."

"I'm so happy for you too dear you really, why the fuck am I clutching my chest?!"

The other Cora clutched her chest and looked to the wound that was fast appearing on the other side, blood beginning to ooze.

"Regina what is happening… what the actual fucking fuck is happening oh dear god no." Cora said frantically as she watched Gina rush to the other Cora's side and grabBED her, gently easing her to the ground.

"Mother? Mother what's wrong?" Gina begged frantically.

"This… would've been enough. You… would've been enough." Cora breathed out, her eyes fluttering closed.

"Mother? Mother!? Don't leave me please." Gina cried out, begging, "What am I going to do?"

"I think my heart just broke." Regina whispered sadly, looking to her shell-shocked mother.

"WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?! THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT REGINA FUCKING BULLSHIT! NO ONE AND I MEAN NO ONE FUCKING KILLS ME AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! I WILL FIND WHO DID IT AND I WILL CORA'D THEIR ASS INTO THE NEXT MILLENIA! I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS SORT OF FUCKERY!" Cora screamed out, in an obvious rage.

"Mother please." Regina begged, grabbing her flailing mother's arms.

Gina still cradled her mother in her arms, crying.

"Well… that was unfortunate." Rumple said with a smile as he stood, completely healed.

"SHUT UP!" Gina screamed, holding her mother closer.

"I DON'T CARE HOW GOOD IN BED YOU WERE! I WILL CHOP OFF YOUR DICK AND FEED IT TO A CHIMERA!" Cora yelled, still struggling against her daughter.

"It appears you still have a mother Regina." Rumple said with a smirk as he looked at the broken woman.

"Regina stop-!" Snow said as she ran into the room, before halting, her eyes drifting down to look at Regina cradling a lifeless Cora.

"You… YOU DID THIS!" Regina screamed.

"OH FUCK NO WHITE CHOCOLATE! YOU DID NOT FUCKING KILL ME!" Cora screamed, "Let me go Regina!"

"NO CALM DOWN MOTHER!"

"Who are they?" Snow asked worriedly.

"I WILL KILL EVERY WOODLAND CREATURE YOU LOVE! EVERY LAST ONE WHITE CHOCOLATE! YOU ARE NO LONGER A PART OF MY CLIQUE!"

"White chocolate?" Snow asked in confusion to her husband.

"Mother we need to go." Regina urged before looking down to her broken self, still cradling the body in her arms.

"NO REGINA THIS IS BULLSHIT! SHE JUST GOT ME BACK YOU FUCKING WHORE!" Cora screamed, tears forming in her eyes.

She slumped back against Regina and allowed her daughter to hold her.

"She just got me back." Cora mumbled brokenly before Regina watched her mother magick herself out of her arms.

She stood and walked over to Gina, crouching down.

"Put her in the vault and have a proper service." Regina whispered to her counterpart who nodded sadly. "We will check in on you."

"Thank you." Gina replied, her voice hard and filled with hatred as she eyed Snow.

"Rip her heart out." Regina replied before shooting a glare at Snow and disappearing.

* * *

"Mother are you alright?" Regina asked Cora, who was sitting in the backyard holding the hat.

"No I am not alright. I feel as if I am dying… even though I quite literally died." Cora muttered angrily.

"This isn't our world. Things are different here."

"Yeah well this world is stupid."

"Mother."

"It is Regina it is STUPID! STUPID! YOU AND EMMA AREN'T TOGETHER, THERE IS NO ARMADA, AND NOW THERE IS NO CAPTAIN FOR THE NON-EXISTENT ARMADA BECAUSE I AM FUCKING DEAD!"

"I understand you are upset!"

"No you don't!" Cora said forcefully with a pout. "I am going to have words with Jefferson for bringing me to this horrid place. And I am shunning Snow from the family."

"Mother you can't-."

"And I am killing all of her little woodland friends."

"Mother."

"With fire. I shall kill them with fire." Cora finished standing and tossing the hat to open the portal.

"Now what?" Regina asked as they watched it grow.

"Now… we go home and I do what I wish to do… Don't worry dear. I will have my revenge."

* * *

**A/N: Let me know what you all thought of this chapter. As I said above, it will be two parts. I will try and work on chapter 20 as soon as I can. I am still in mourning though over the loss of Cora... so we will see.**

**Chapter 21 will be picking up where Chapter 1 left off.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**


	20. Operation Swan Queen

 

**Happy Once Day everyone.**

**Chapter 20 for all of you. Hope you all Enjoy.**

**This is a pretty long one for everyone. Next chapter we will pick up where Chapter 1 left off.**

**Lots of Swan Queen in this one.**

**This chapter may cause some laughs but feels as well.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

"Mother can you not!" Regina yelled angrily at the retreating form of her mother.

They had just arrived back in their universe and Cora was already going on a rampage, sending Regina's garden gnomes flying in different directions with her magic out of anger.

"I AM GOING TO KILL WHITE CHOCOLATE!"

"Mother no!" Regina yelled before pouncing, landing on her mother and pinning her to the ground, "Emma will hate you if you do that. I can't let you!"

"Regina she killed me!" Cora defended.

"No, she killed an alternate version of you."

"Can I at least kill the woodland creatures?"

"No mother. Perhaps just… speak with them and get them to attack her?" Regina suggested, hoping her mother would agree to it.

"I shall consider it." Cora mumbled. Regina stood, finally releasing her mother and helping her to her feet, "Yeah right!"

Cora shouted out before turning and taking off, blue swirls surrounding her before she disappeared.

"DAMNIT MOTHER!" Regina yelled out, causing Emma to run from the house and tackle the brunette.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!" Emma demanded, tightening her hold on the woman beneath her.

"Emma!" Regina yelped when she came to her senses, beaming up at the blonde above her.

"YOU'VE BEEN GONE FOR THREE DAYS!? I WAS WORRIED SICK!" Emma yelled, tears springing to her eyes as she recalled the days worrying about Regina… and yes even Cora.

"My mother decided to take me portal hopping. We landed in an alternate universe of this one and… well things didn't go well." Regina explained, wiping Emma's tears away with her thumb.

"What happened?" Emma asked, making Regina sigh as she looked at the blonde, she then began telling the tale.

* * *

"Emma I'm here for dinner!" Snow called happily as she entered the mansion. Emma had called earlier and told her that Regina and Cora had finally been found and that they had just been portal hopping and the time in dimensions was different. They had also invited the younger brunette over for dinner, making it a girl's night essentially since Charming was working at the station and Henry had a play date with Grace.

Snow walked through the foyer, happy that her family was back together, a smile on her face.

The smile quickly fell though as she realized no one was in the dining room or kitchen. She gave a shrug and continued to the back porch, it was a warm night after all and perhaps the family was having a cook out.

She stepped through the doors and smile as she took in the three women, her smile faltering though as she looked at them sitting and staring at her.

"Regina, Cora. It's good to see you both again, we were all worried sick!" Snow said with relief.

Cora scoffed and crossed her arms, looking like a little petulant child.

"Mom we need to talk." Emma said seriously as she gestured to the chair in front of them. Snow tentatively took a seat.

"What's going on?" Snow asked.

"This is ridiculous." Regina muttered, lounging back in her own chair.

"It is NOT ridiculous Regina!" Cora yelled out, startling Snow.

"Mother. IT. WASN'T. ACTUALLY. YOU!" Regina stated pointedly.

"WHITE CHOCOLATE MURDERED YOUR MOTHER'S ASS AND YOU ARE OKAY WITH THAT?!"

"I didn't say I was okay with it mother! But it wasn't THIS White Chocolate!" Regina huffed, gesturing to the confused brunette.

"NOBODY ASKED YOU SASSGINA MILLS!"

"Okay just everyone calm the fuck down!" Emma yelled, holding up her hands to both women, "We can discuss this like reasonable adults."

Regina gave a nod of approval as Cora huffed.

"Mom… We need to talk to you about something…"

"Is this about the woodland creatures anonymous meeting that I went to because I swear it was only the one time and I missed them so much and therapy has been really hard and-."

"WOAH! Hold the fuck up." Emma demanded.

"There's a woodland creatures anonymous meeting?" Cora asked in confusion.

Snow squirmed a little before nodding.

"Yes, they hold it once a month and the creatures all gather to discuss their problems and problems concerning them as a community."

"Why is it anonymous?" Regina asked, taking an interest in this turn of conversation.

"Well… the town dogs and cats aren't invited to it because they aren't woodland creatures. They had a big falling out and things are a little tense." Snow explained as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Emma and Cora's mouths were both open, eyes wide as they stared at the woman.

"You… are such an idiot." Cora said after she came to her senses.

"I care about the-."

"I don't care what you care about White Chocolate! I care about the fact that you fucking murdered me!" Cora yelled before lunging at Snow, only to be stopped by Emma grabbing her by the waist.

"Can someone explain to me why Cora is acting this way?" Snow asked, her eyes wide with fear.

"No talking Snow." Cora snapped before she turned around and gave a shrill whistle.

A low rumple echoed on the ground, the sound of tiny paws growing closer and closer to the women, eventually stopping behind Cora as a hundred beady eyes looked at the young brunette.

"Snow… You remember your woodland friends." Cora said with an eerie smile before turning to the creatures, "Squeak squeak squeak squeakin, squeakers."

The woodland creatures all twitched.

"Snow you have a thirty second head start. I suggest you run." Cora said with a smirk.

Snow didn't have to be told twice, she bolted from her seat, only making it to the edge of the property before the woodland creatures chased after her.

"Where did you learn to speak Woodland Creature?" Regina asked in amazement.

"Henry accumulated a little translator book from some of the Lost Boys. I learned what I needed to know, and now I can communicate with Snow's following."

"Snow's following?" Emma asked.

"Mother I think that was a little cruel." Regina stated with a frown.

"Yeah well, so was manipulating my daughter into shoving a cursed fucking heart into my body. But you don't see Snow getting any flack for it now do ya."

* * *

Jefferson sat outside his home, basking in the early morning sun. Grace had another play date with Henry today, leaving the house to himself to do whatever he pleased.

He was surprised to hear that Cora and Regina had returned so quickly, he thought that they would have remained in which ever universe they went to, a little longer. Perhaps it just wasn't to their liking after all.

He gave a contented sigh, not hearing the footsteps that approached.

Suddenly he found himself laying half way across his own lawn, confused blinking eyes looking to the figure that approached.

"Come here mother fucker." Cora demanded, pulling him towards her with magic.

"Cora, glad to see you're back, why are you manhandling me?"

"I thought we were supposed to go to a happy land!" Cora yelled, making Jefferson wince.

"You didn't have fun?"

"Oh yeah, because dying was a fucking blast." Cora grumbled before dropping the man. Jefferson's eyes widened.

"I'm sorry Cora, our world is just so happy that I thought it would be like this everywhere else too."

"Well newsflash, it isn't and it sucks." Cora said with a pout.

"So what are you here for then?"

"Well… We left the other world's Regina all alone in that awful place… Can you believe her and Emma aren't together there?"

Jefferson let out an inhuman shriek.

"RIGHT!? THAT WAS MY REACTION TOO!" Cora yelled, her arms flailing.

"So what do you propose Captain? This could be a ripe opportunity for the armada to expand." Jefferson said seriously.

"That's why I like you Jefferson, always thinking." Cora said with a smirk.

"What can I do to help?"

"Well for one, I am going to need to people that won't be… well missed here, to accompany me."

"I can find them for you."

"I'm also going to need some of that tea of yours."

* * *

Cora peeked around the corner of the convent, her eyes narrowing in on Rachel Tice, sitting in the backyard by herself. Completely unsuspecting.

Cora gave a smirk before her blue magic engulfed her, transforming her into Nova.

"Hello Blue." Corsa said, her voice happy as she approached the now smiling woman.

"Nova. I thought you were off with Leroy?"

"I was but he had to get back to work with the dwarves. I have something for you." Cora said, wanting to get this over quickly.

"What is that?"

"This new kind of tea. I thought you might like it." Cora said with a smile as she held out the cup.

Blue gave her a smile and took the cup, gingerly bringing it to her lips and taking a swig.

"It's quite good." Blue commented.

"Oh yes. Jefferson makes the best." Cora said with a smirk, watching as Blue's eyes widened.

"YOU CAN'T DRINK JEFFERSON'S TEA!" Blue shrieked as the blue cloud of smoke engulfed Cora, returning her to her normal appearance.

"Hello Rachel." Cora said with a smile.

"YOU OLD HAG!"

"ASS GOBLIN!"

"NO GOOD TALLEY WAGGER!"

"BLACK TOOTHED JEZEBEL!" Cora yelled back, smirking in triumph when Blue started to sway on her feet.

"Sweet dreams." Cora said with a smirk before lightly blowing on Blue and watching the woman hit the ground with a thud. Cora gave a whistle while she worked, transporting Blue to Jefferson's property before setting off to find her number two.

* * *

"Alright Jefferson. I'm ready." Cora stated, dragging the two body bags behind her.

"Who's in the bags?"

"Rachel Tice and well… I'm not sure who is in the second. Some homeless man. It's not important." Cora said dismissively.

"How long will you be gone for?"

"It's debatable. But I will try and hurry back before Regina or Emma become suspicious." Cora said seriously before grabbing another bag of the tea leaves that Jefferson had waiting for her.

"Good luck Captain." Jefferson sad seriously before saluting the woman.

Cora gave a nod and returned the salute as the hat began to spin.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Cora cried out.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN CAPTAIN!" Jefferson yelled back over the wind.

Cora pulled the goggles down over her eyes and tossed the first body through.

"Adios Rachel!" Cora yelled as she tossed the second. "Hat trip bitches!"

Cora leaped into the portal and with a pop the hat and Cora disappeared, leaving Jefferson standing in his back yard alone.

"Regina and Emma are gonna be pissed." Jefferson mumbled to himself as he pulled up a chair and began the wait.

* * *

Cora peeked around the corner of a building, making sure that no one was around to spot her. She had stashed the two bodies in the basement of an abandoned house and made sure to cast a knock out curse on them until she could return.

"I need to find Regina." Cora mumbled to herself as she continued to move alongside the building.

"Da do, da do, da do da do da do, da da da DOOOOO, BADADA DAAAAAAA." Cora sang as she crept, the Pink Panther theme playing over and over in her mind.

An idea struck her and she quickly transported herself to Regina's family mausoleum. She hoped that the woman would be there, unsure of how much time had passed since they left.

Cora entered the vault and descended the stairs. She looked around, unsure of which room to check first, instead she settled on the more logical thing.

"REGINA ARE YOU HERE?!" Cora yelled as loud as she could, and patiently waited. About two seconds after she yelled she heard a thud and the sound of frantic steps.

A frazzled Regina rounded the corner, tears in her eyes as she looked at the woman before her.

"Mother?" Regina asked, a choked sob going with it.

"Sort of." Cora said sheepishly, recognition crossed Regina's features and she shifted uncomfortably at her desperation. "Do I not get a hug?"

Regina softened at Cora's words and stepped forward, allowing the older woman to embrace her.

"Shhh there there dear, it's all going to be okay." Cora said seriously as she rubbed soothing circles on the woman's back as she cried.

"I can't keep doing this." Regina muttered brokenly, making Cora's heart ache.

Cora merely nodded, already knowing what the woman was referring too.

"Then don't."

"What?" Regina asked, pulling back slightly.

"Take a vacation."

Regina let out a forced laugh.

"A vacation?"

"Uh huh." Cora said happily, nodding vigorously.

"I can't… I have to avenge you."

"You mean you haven't done that already?" Cora asked, a little disgust in her voice.

"If… If I would ever want a chance with Miss Swan I can't kill her mother." Regina admitted with a blush, making Cora beam.

"OH HALLELUJIAH!" Cora cried happily before doing a little happy dance. "This is perfect!"

"What is?"

"I am going to play Cupid and get you too lovebirds together."

"Mother I don't think you can play Cupid."

"I can too! Cupid taught me a lot."

"You knew Cupid?"

"Well… if fucking Cupid counts for anything then yeah."

Regina paled immediately.

"I did not wish to know that."

"Yeah well now you do, stop being such a prude and be that kinky bitch I know!" Cora said proudly, patting Regina's shoulder.

"What do you propose we do? Everyone in this town hates me… including Miss Swan." Regina mumbled sadly.

Cora just gave a bright smile before she magicked a cup of tea from thin air and handed it to Regina.

"Drink this and we will work on that plan, this will make you feel better."

Regina nodded and took the drink, not bothering to question the woman as she took a sip.

Cora gave a sly smile when Regina began to sway on her feet a little, resulting in Cora catching her and setting the passed out Regina, down gently.

"Well this is going nicely." Cora said to herself before she made the woman comfortable.

She moved her to a nearby lounge chair and stepped back.

"Now to find Emma."

* * *

Cora peeked around the corner of the Sheriff's station, seeing Emma's yellow bug sitting in the normal parking spot, and gave a smirk.

Now she just had to see if she was alone or not. Cora crept to a nearby back window and peered through, just making out four figures. She assumed it was Emma, Charming, and Snow but was unsure of who the other man was, all discussing what to do about Regina.

She cracked the window open and listened in.

"We have to kill her." Charming stated firmly.

"I agree, who knows what kind of damage she can do." Snow said seriously.

"I agree with your parents Em." Neal said firmly.

"This is Henry's other mother we are talking about here. I agree that Regina is a threat but we can't just kill her!" Emma defended.

"Emma she took my heart!" Snow cried out.

Cora's eyes widened in surprise and gave a smirk.

"Serves you right you woodland creature loving, pixie haired, murdering trollop." Cora said aloud, quickly slapping her hand over her mouth.

"Did you hear something?" David asked, turning around and looking around the station.

"Leave it." Emma said seriously, "We can't kill Regina, I know she has your heart but if she wanted you dead she would've done it by now…. Something gave her pause."

"Like what? Mourning for her mother's death?" Neal asked.

"Possibly." Emma mumbled, a pang of sadness crossing her face.

"Henry isn't safe with her." Neal said.

"Henry is all Regina wants Neal." Emma countered.

"Well I am his father, I should have a say in this."

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" Cora screeched out, quickly ducking behind the nearest garbage can just in time before the window was flung completely open.

"I swear I heard it too." Neal commented as he looked around.

Cora sat hunched against the can, her hand covering her mouth as she waited, silently fuming.

If Neal and Emma were together in this world… Well she would have to break them up and call in the armada and wage another ship war. This one would be for real though.

Once Neal disappeared from sight Cora went back to the window.

"We should go and get Henry… We can continue this later." Snow said as she gestured for her husband and Neal to follow, "We'll see you at home Emma."

Emma nodded and sat down in her seat with a sigh.

Cora watched them leave before magicking inside the building.

"Emma?" Cora asked tentatively, just as her cloud of smoke disappeared.

Emma's head shot up and she looked at Cora with wide eyes, quickly standing and pulling her gun from her holster and pointed it at the woman.

"SWEET MARY MARGARET PUT THAT FUCKING THING DOWN JESUS WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Cora yelled out, hands flailing as she tried to cover her eyes.

Emma stared at the woman in disbelief and slowly lowered the gun.

"You're dead."

"Well… myself from this realm yes." Cora muttered, regaining her composure and earning a confused look from Emma.

"What do you mean, from this realm?"

"I'm not from this world, not even this dimension." Cora explained before she sat herself down in front of the confused blonde.

"So… you aren't the Cora we dealt with before?"

"Correct."

"Okay…" Emma drawled out as she sat, "What're you doing here then?"

"I came to take Regina back with me." Cora answered, making Emma's eyes widen.

"What?"

"You heard Savior."

"Why?"

"Why wouldn't I? Your lovely family has taken everything from her and I think she might be happier in my world."

"Why is that?"

"Because her alternate self is actually happy there and I thought she could try to be as well. She could actually spend time with a son that loves her… and get to see how her alternate self interacts with her love." Cora replied smoothly, eyeing her nails as if the whole situation wasn't really worth her time.

Cora chanced a glance and looked at Emma, a smirk on her face when she saw the tendrils of jealousy in Emma's eyes.

"Who's her love?" Emma asked, her voice a little tight. Cora could practically see the jealousy oozing.

"What do you care? You and your family took everything from her. I merely came to inform you so you wouldn't be shocked when she just disappeared." Cora answered before standing and walking from the room, making Emma run after her.

"Wait!" Emma called, making Cora pause.

"Yes?" Cora asked with an exasperated sigh.

"Can I come with you to say goodbye?" Emma asked, shifting on her feet a little.

Cora kept her back to Emma and gave a big smile.

"Of course dear." Cora replied smoothly, "Would you like some tea? It's from our world and it is just delicious!"

Cora magicked a cup to her hands and held it out to Emma with a warm smile.

Emma felt herself returning the smile, this woman was the polar opposite of the other Cora and she felt… well safe with her.

Emma accepted the drink and took a swig. After a moment her eyebrows creased in confusion and she looked to Cora questioningly before collapsing.

"Aren't they teaching people to NOT take things from strangers anymore? What the fuck kind of world is this?" Cora asked aloud before she magicked Emma and her to the vault.

She smiled as she looked at the two passed out women and gave the hat a spin, grasping both of them she jumped through.

* * *

"Emma what on earth did you do with my-!" Regina trailed off, her eyes fixated on the two tied and gagged women sitting in her living room, her mother standing nearby with a bright childish smile.

"Babe, just because something goes missing doesn't mean that it was me!" Emma huffed, walking into the room and stopping dead when she saw what Regina was staring at.

The other Emma's eyes widened as they stared at each other.

"Mother… WHAT DID YOU DO!?" Regina screeched as she rushed to untie herself and Emma.

"I thought they would like it here better."

"SO YOU KIDNAPPED THEM!? AND GAGGED THEM!?" Regina yelled out, ripping away the gag from them both.

"They wouldn't stop bickering, I had to shut them up somehow. And yes I kidnapped them, if that's how you see it." Cora replied with a shrug.

"You could have just asked!" Gina yelled once she was free.

"You would have said yes?" Cora asked surprised.

"Why wouldn't I? I had nothing for me in that other world." Gina said sadly.

"Regina." The other Emma stated sadly, standing from the chair.

"Yes Miss Swan?" Gina asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You have Henry."

"No I do not. YOU and the three idiots have Henry. I have NO ONE. Why wouldn't I wish to go somewhere else where I have the potential to be happy and not have it ripped away from me?" Gina demanded, tears springing to her eyes.

"Why don't you go and rest." Regina suggested, leading her double away from the scene.

"Cora could you give us a minute?" Emma asked her mother-in-law.

"Am I in trouble?" Cora asked with a pout.

"Oh yeah."

"Does… does this mean no more trampoline?" Cora asked sadly.

"Yes."

"THIS IS BULLSHIT AND SO UNFAIR. YOU TRY AND DO A GOOD THING BUT NOOO BAD CORA BAD. NO ONE APPRECIATES ME IN THIS HOUSEHOLD." Cora fumed before leaving to go to Ruby's.

Emma turned to look at her double and gave a small smile.

"I am so sorry she kidnapped you guys and brought you here." Emma said seriously.

Swan merely looked at her and shrugged.

"It can't be too bad here can it?" She replied with a smirk, "So… You and Regina huh."

"Yeah." Emma replied with a bright smile.

"And… she's happy?"

"Oh yeah… Well aside from the shit that Cora pulls anyways." Emma said with a laugh.

"How long have you guys been dating?" Swan asked with a blush.

Emma gave her a confused look before smirking and holding up her left hand, on which her wedding band sat.

Swan's eyes bulged and a blush rushed to her face.

"Married actually."

"And… it's going good?"

"It's going great. We're really happy. You should give it a try." Emma suggested with a shrug.

"I'm not good at relationships."

"Well trust me. This one, you're definitely good at." Emma said firmly. She gave a small smile when she felt Regina enter the room.

"The best actually." Regina said with a smirk before walking to Emma and placing a light kiss on her lips, "Hungry dear?"

"Oh god yes. Grilled cheese please?" Emma asked with a pout, making Regina laugh.

"Of course." Regina turned to Swan and smiled, "I assume you want the same?"

Swan nodded and watched as the brunette sauntered off to the kitchen, her eyes drifting to her ass.

"Trust me, It looks just as great without the clothes." Emma said with a wink before following her wife.

* * *

Gina lay curled up on the bed that Regina sat her down on. She knew the room well; it was the same room she had offered up to her mother back in her world, even though the Cora of this world was a little closer to Regina and Emma's bedroom.

She gave a sigh and wiped at her tears. She was now in a completely strange yet similar world, and she saw how happy she could be… But Emma would have to fill that hole and she doubted the blonde would want that job.

She heard the door open with a soft click, just assuming it to be her counterpart and wasn't surprised when she smelled food and felt the bed dip a little.

"Hey."

Gina flipped over like a cat in sheer surprise when she heard Emma's voice. For a moment she was unsure if it was her world's Emma or the other, but she quickly realized it was her own. Her breathing slowed as she looked at the blonde.

"What do you want Miss Swan?" Gina asked, a mask of sadness overcoming her face.

"I brought you some food." Swan replied, holding up the plate of grilled cheese sandwiches.

Gina quirked an eyebrow and Swan chuckled.

"Trust me, your other self said you will love it, she makes hers differently for herself." She explained as she held the food to Gina's mouth, urging her to take a bite.

Gina blushed at the fact that Miss Swan was holding it out to feed her, regardless she took a bite and her eyes widened in surprise when she tasted the hot sauce on her tongue, immediately making her enjoy it all the more.

"It's quite good." Gina commented, taking the plate from Swan and beginning to eat.

"I guess you know what you like best." She commented, blushing at how that could be taken and making Gina pause mid bite.

"I suppose so." Gina replied awkwardly before she cleared her throat, "I imagine that you will be going back soon?"

She looked at Gina in confusion for a moment.

"Not until I convince you to go back with me."

"Why on earth would you do that?"

"Well, for one Henry is gonna need both of his moms. And… well… I'm going to need you too." She admitted softly, making Gina's eyes widen.

"You? Need me?"

"I would like, to maybe attempt to see if we could have what they have." She said softly.

"What about Neal, shouldn't you be playing happy family with him?" Gina asked, her face becoming hard.

"No. Neal was nothing more than a sperm donor who left me pregnant and in jail. If there's anyone that I could play happy family with, it would be you." Swan said honestly.

Gina was speechless for a moment before she gave a nod of agreement, both oblivious to the pair of eyes watching them.

"Okay ease me down." Cora commanded.

"You know, this is sort of hard when YOU ONLY HAVE ONE HAND!"

"Oh shut the hell up, don't be such a drama queen Hook."

"NOW LISTEN HERE LASSIE!"

"SHUT UP YOU FOOL! THEY WILL HEAR US!" Cora yelled, swatting at Hook with her foot. They were currently hanging on to the fence against the house for the tree vines that grew up alongside the house.

Cora was balanced on Hook's shoulders as he held balance on the fence for her to stand and peer into the window.

"Swat at me again and I will drop you right on your ass!" Hook yelled as their balance started to shift.

"THAT'S IT! IT IS ON LIKE DONKY KONG!" Cora yelled before swatting at Hook with her foot once more and causing him to drop them both to the ground.

"BRING IT ON YOU OLD BAT!"

"YOU'RE ASKING FOR IT YOU SMELLY PIRATE!" Cora yelled before diving on Hook and wrestling him to the ground, causing a large commotion outside of the house. They rolled on the ground until they reached the back yard.

Both were oblivious to the four women standing their awestruck by what was happening.

"Are they always like this?" Gina asked, pointing to the two.

"Yes, for the most part." Regina replied with a smirk, watching out of the corner of her eye as the other Emma slipped her hand with Gina's.

"I WILL HAVE YOUR HOOK FOR THIS!"

"I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!"

"SAYS THE MAN THAT GETS BESTED BY INANIMATE OBJECTS!" Cora yelled, springing off Hook and taking a karate pose.

Hook let out a girly gasp.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"

"NO! AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING ELSE?!" Cora paused and a smirk graced her face. "I never liked your spinach puffs!"

The noise that left Hook's lips sounded like a cross between a dying cat and a pterodactyl.

"But but… I thought.."

"Well you thought wrong."

"Why would you lie to me about them?"

"Hook… you're a pirate… you don't cook. I didn't want to completely squash your dream."

"Well you just did." Hook replied as his bottom lip quivered.

"Yes well, PIRATES SHOULDN'T BE COOKING!"

"What was wrong with them?"

"You put rum over them."

"I like rum."

"I do too Hook but not with spinach puffs."

"Are you two finished yet?" Regina asked, crossing her arms and arching an eyebrow.

"Yes. We are." Hook sniffed before whipping his jacket behind him and strutting away.

"You coming to the meeting tonight?" Cora called after him.

"Wouldn't miss it Captain!" Hook called back as he left the property.

"Meeting?" Regina asked.

"Swan Queen business, nothing to worry about dear." Cora replied with a smile.

"Uh huh…. Care to explain why you were spying on our guests?"

Cora's eyes bulged a little and she shuffled her feet hesitantly.

"No reason." Cora mumbled.

"Mhmm." Regina replied, already knowing what Cora was up to and she wasn't about to stop her from continuing to do what she wanted.

"So… I'm going to go. You ladies have a lovely evening." Cora said with a smile before disappearing.

"Tell me dear, when did we have another child?" Regina asked as she pulled Emma against her and held her tight.

"Oh about a year ago when she showed up on our doorstep and we had to take her in." Emma replied with a smirk before planting a light kiss on Regina's nose.

"I wonder if we are always like that." Gina wondered out loud for her Emma to hear.

"We're cute." Swan replied with a small smile, glancing down at her hand laced in with Gina's.

"Yes… I suppose we are." Gina replied with an equally small smile.

* * *

"Alright people, this meeting has been called to order." Granny called out, pounding the gavel and looking to her Captain.

The entire Armada was assembled in Town Hall, instead of Regina's basement because it was too close to home and too tiny for the size of the Armada now.

"I know you all are wondering why I have called you here…" Cora started but was interrupted.

"ARE THEY PREGNANT?!"

Cora's eyes flashed dangerously.

"NO THEY ARE NOT BUT THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH FOR THAT REMINDER. THAT WAS JUST WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR!" Cora yelled angrily before crossing her arms, "As many of you may know Regina and I took a little trip to a different dimension a few days ago and we met with a horrible alternate universe… One in which I died."

A gasp echoed off of the walls.

"Who did it Captain!?"

"None other than White Chocolate."

Another gasp.

"IT WASN'T ME!" Snow yelled out, a pout on her face as she glanced down to all of the hello kitty band aids that covered her scratches from the woodland creatures.

"Anyways, Snow left Regina motherless and she and Emma are not even together in that world."

Another gasp.

"I know it's awful. But my dear Armada, this is our chance to expand! I have brought that world's Emma and Regina to our own in the hopes that we can make this happen. To do that I need your help."

"Anything for you Captain!" Hook called out, standing and saluting.

"Okay, I would like to set up a date for the two of them. Completely romantic."

* * *

"I'm nervous." Swan commented as she watched her counterpart dig through her own outfits before throwing her choice at herself.

Swan caught the outfit and her eyes widened.

"Trust me, Gina will love it." Emma said with a smirk before exiting the room. She watched as Regina emerged from their own bedroom with a pleased smirk on her face.

"How is your charge doing?" Regina asked as they descended the stairs.

"She's nervous."

"Same with mine."

"They'll be fine though."

"They can't fight True Love dear." Regina commented before placing a kiss on her wife's lips.

"Hello girls." Cora said as she appeared before them, startling the women. "Everything is ready for them."

"Sounds perfect. They should be down soon, they just needed to change." Regina commented, still holding onto Emma's waist.

They heard the familiar heels click above them and watched as Gina descended the stairs in a tight black halter dress, her hair fluffed and makeup done.

"Damn." Emma commented, earning a please smirk from her wife.

"My lady, your chariot awaits." Cora said with a smile as she opened the door and ushered Gina outside where a sleek black car was waiting.

Miss Swan descended the stairs next, dressed in a tight green dress that brought out her eyes, her perfect princess curls bouncing.

"Damn." Regina muttered, this time making Emma smirk.

"If you would just step outside and enter the car Miss Swan." Cora said with a bright smile.

As soon as the other Emma exited Cora turned back to Emma and Regina. "You two are on your own tonight. Try not to fuck all the furniture up."

Regina and Emma blushed in unison as Cora shut the door and disappeared to the next location.

Hook was driving the women to the restaurant, which was Granny's. With a little help of magic, Cora was able to whip up a great many ingredients for Granny to use to make a very elegant meal for the women.

Cora managed to get Jefferson to play his violin for the women while they dined, Cora playing waitress with Ruby and rushing back and forth between the two with orders.

She was pleased that by the end of the night they were dancing and clinging to each other like they were the others lifeline.

"Captain are you alright?" Granny asked.

"It's just. It's so beautiful. Chalk another one up for the armada Granny because this shit is just too beautiful." Cora choked out, wiping her eyes.

"Where'd you get the idea for all of this?"

"I fucked Cupid some years back. No big." Cora said with a cocky grin.

"Cupid. Really."

"Yep. That man and his arrow." Cora breathed out with a shudder.

"You know you're dating my granddaughter right?"

"I know Granny geez, calm your tits."

"Are they-?"

"Oh my god they're kissing." Cora squealed happily. Absolutely beaming as she watched the women leave hand in hand to go back to the mansion.

Cora magicked herself back ahead of them

With a wave of her hand she made all the flowers that Mo had dropped off reappear, lining the sidewalk and porch to the mansion.

Cora ducked behind some bushes and watched as the pair entered the mansion after admiring the flowers, Cora following behind.

"So, did you ladies enjoy your evening?" Cora asked with a smile.

"It was perfect. Thank you Cora." Gina replied with a small smile.

"Cora?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Mother." Gina corrected and Cora pulled the woman in for a tight hug.

"Don't ever think of me as anything but that, okay?" Cora whispered in Gina's ear, making tears spring to the brunette's eyes.

She turned to face the other Emma.

"You take good care of her you understand. I am going to be in touch and if I hear anything otherwise, rest assured that an entire Armada will be after you." Cora warned.

The blonde gave a thick swallow and nodded.

Cora was about to continue her rant but heard a loud thump and noises coming from upstairs.

"Did someone break in?" The blonde asked, ready to rush up there.

"Follow me dears." Cora said with a smirk as she led the woman upstairs, they paused outside the bedroom door and Cora magicked them all inside, just in time to see Regina sitting on Emma's face while Emma's hands were handcuffed to the headboard.

"Oh my." Gina murmured.

"Ugh not what I needed to see girls!" Cora yelped before quickly turning her back.

"Mother what the hell!" Regina yelled, quickly hopping off of Emma and grabbing the key, quickly freeing her.

"Woah." The other Emma breathed out, quickly looking to Gina and taking note of how the brunette looked hot and bothered. "We should go, right Regina?"

"Yes yes we should." Gina agreed, allowing the blonde to drag her from the room. They heard a door slam and one of Gina's surprised yelps, followed by a deep moan.

"Ah yes. Kinky bitches are back in business. Job well done Cora." Cora congratulated herself as she strutted from the room, "Emma wipe your chin!" She called as she shut the door.

"What just happened?" Regina asked her wife with a laugh.

"Let's just say the armada aren't the only people that will be happy tomorrow." Emma growled out before pouncing on her wife.

* * *

**A/N: Hope everyone enjoyed this Chapter and I hope that we all survive tonights episode.**

**If you could all take a moment to bow your heads, for a moment of silence for Cora.**

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**Thank you all for reading and please don't forget to review on your way out. I will try and have the next chapter up as soon as I can for all of you.**

**Happy Once Day and**

**Happy Shipping.**


	21. The Cruise

 

**I thought I would give you guys this Chapter now after that shitty episode.**

**Few things, we've come full circle. This picks up where Chapter 1 left off.**

**Henry is 13 years old, recently turned. I wanted him a little older so I upped his age some. Just roll with it.**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I own nothing.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged as always. Please review.**

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter!**

**References to I'm On A Boat and Jack Sparrow by the Lonely Island are mentioned.**

**I suggest you listen to those before reading.**

* * *

"We're here." Regina stated with a smirk as she pulled the SUV into the parking lot.

"Explain this to me again… What is a cruise?" Cora asked from the passenger seat and looked towards her daughter.

"It's a cruise ship. You get on and there are vast amounts of food and drink and a pool and dancing and pretty much anything you could ever imagine." Regina explained to her mother.

"… So does this ship belong to a fandom?" Cora asked with a smirk.

"No mother." Regina replied with a chuckle. "Okay everyone out of the car."

Emma took the sound proofed headphones away from Charming and Henry before the family exited the SUV and Emma began grabbing the bags from the back of the car.

"Ready?" Regina asked in a nervous voice, coming to stand next to Emma and startling the blonde a little.

"Yeah babe. Wait what's wrong?" Emma asked, her voice laced with concern.

"It's nothing." Regina assured quickly, making Emma give her a skeptical look in return. "Okay I may be a little nervous since I have never done anything like this before."

"You'll be fine babe. I'll be right next to you for all of it." Emma reassured before giving Regina a passionate kiss.

"Keep it in your pants ladies!" Cora's voice rang out; startling the women and making them spring apart.

"IT WAS JUST A KISS!" Emma shouted.

"YEAH TELL THAT TO YOUR LADY BITS DOWNSTAIRS! I CAN SEE YOUR LADY BONER FROM HERE!" Cora yelled back with a wink before grabbing her bags and walking ahead with Snow and Charming.

"This is going to be an interesting vacation." Regina muttered before taking Emma's hand and leading her towards the dock where they were to board the cruise ship.

They quickly handed over their boarding passes and moved onto the ship, heading towards their cabins. It was decided, probably against Regina and Emma's better judgment that Henry would bunk in Cora's room.

The newly turned thirteen year old was excited for some bonding time with his grandma. A few things had changed in the past year, Regina smiling to herself as she thought about it.

Cora had moved out of the mansion and got herself an apartment where her and Ruby could have uninterrupted time together… not to mention the woman was notorious for having outrageous house parties.

Snow had finished up her therapy with Archie for her animal obsession… it was still a work in progress and although she was better, she still had her moments. Snow and Cora's relationship was tolerable at best. Cora, still unable to fully forgive Snow for her death in the other world, attempted to be civil but still managed to start an outrageous argument between them.

Emma's advice was that they both just needed to get drunk together and work out their issues that way, to which Regina had rolled her eyes at and told her it was absurd. Now though… she was thinking it might be a good idea.

Cora was overly suspicious of the two women when they had bought the SUV, since the woman was still very adamant about having a magic grandbaby sometime soon. Regina and Emma had just assured her that when the time came they wanted to have already broken in the vehicle and had become accustomed to it so there weren't any surprises whenever they would finally add to the family. Cora bought it… for the most part.

Of course Emma and Regina were both trying to make a baby, which became easier to do since Cora had moved out and wouldn't have been close enough to feel the magical charge in the air that came with their passionate baby making.

"Henry, what do you say you and I get changed and go exploring for a bit?" Cora suggested as they walked towards their cabin, which was a few doors down from Regina and Emma's.

Snow and Charming had just arrived at their own room, which was located just on the other side of Henry and Cora's room.

"I think I might take a walk myself." Snow said hurriedly before rushing into the room. James eyes followed her, a tight frown on his face as he wondered why his wife was acting strangely; he learned to not ask questions though.

"I'm thinking pool?" Emma asked with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

"You just want to see me in my bikini." Regina replied saucily before pulling Emma into their cabin.

"Kinky bitches." Henry said with a roll of his eyes, making his grandmother beam down at him with a proud smile.

"That's my boy!" Cora exclaimed happily before they entered the room.

* * *

"Nana… what on earth are you wearing?" Henry asked as he looked at his grandmother.

Cora stood proudly in the room, hands on her hips, displaying her outfit. She had a pair of beige shorts on and a Hawaiian floral print shirt, flip flops, and her captain's hat.

"I'm on a boat." Cora stated simply as she put her shades on over her eyes with a smirk.

"...Whatever makes you happy Nana." Henry replied with a shrug before they exited the cabin and began walking the deck.

"This boat is huge Henry! This would make an excellent addition to the armada." Cora said with a smirk.

"Don't even think about it mother." Regina said sternly as she and Emma approached the pair.

"You can't tell me what to do Regina." Cora said with a pout.

"I paid for your ticket, you'll do what I say. What is with your outfit?" Regina asked.

"Wow, judgey much?" Cora mumbled.

"I'm only judging because you look like Hugh Hefner."

"Ain't nobody got time for your sass Sassgina." Cora snipped.

"Everyone has time for my sass." Regina replied with a flick of her hair before she sauntered by and headed to the pool. "Nice shoes by the way!"

Cora gave a grumble as she looked down at her feet.

"YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF MY FLIPPY FLOPPIES!" Cora shouted before pouting and looking to Emma.

Emma was standing back, mouth open as she watched her wife wiggle her ass to the pool.

"She acts like they never see each other in skimpy clothing." Henry mumbled to his Nana and earned an approving slap on the back.

"What do you say we give her a wake up call?" Cora suggested with a wiggle of her eyebrows as they watched Emma approach the pool in a daze.

Cora and Henry crept behind Emma cautiously, stopping just short and giving each other a nod before Cora snatched the towel from Emma and Henry pushed her straight into the pool.

The second the blonde hit the water she started spluttering and flailing, making Cora and Henry bust into a fit of giggles as they watched Emma try to gain her composure.

"Was that really necessary?" Regina asked from the water with a roll of her eyes.

"She was drooling." Henry pointed out with a shrug, not even slightly sorry for what he did.

"I'm beginning to question allowing you to room with your grandmother." Regina replied as Emma finally gained her composure.

The blonde's hair was draped over her eyes, making her look like a drowned rat as she spit a stream of water from her mouth.

"He'll be fine Regina!" Cora huffed out before crossing her arms.

"You're lucky I was in my swim suit." Emma mumbled as she pushed the hair out of her face with a scowl.

"Depends on what you consider lucky dear." Regina replied with a flirtatious wink.

"And that's our cue to leave." Henry said as he turned around and began to walk away.

"Save it for the bedroom girls, the pool has enough wetness as it is." Cora replied before following after her grandson.

* * *

"Here you go Benji." Snow said quietly. She had managed to ditch Charming at the pool with the girls before sneaking off to find some food.

They had finally pulled away from the port and were cruising along in the open ocean.

"Here's some more." Snow whispered hurriedly before handing another piece of meat to the raccoon that sat in front of her.

The raccoon let out a squeak of approval as its little paws took the food and began nibbling away.

"Now remember. No one can see you or else I am going to get into serious trouble." Snow told the raccoon as she adjusted the baby bonnet on the animal's head.

Benji gave another squeak of approval, not wanting to wind up in the water or suffer some other unfortunate event.

"I'm sorry about this outfit, but it's the only thing I could think of." Snow told the raccoon as she tightened the diaper and pushed the tail down in to hide it better.

Snow looked at the raccoon curiously as she watched it's beady black eyes widen and stare at something behind her.

"Benji what's wrong?" Snow asked seriously and the raccoon raised a little paw and pointed.

"The fuck is she doing?" Cora muttered to her grandson as they stared at the woman and her pet raccoon.

"Cora! Henry!" Snow squeaked out before grabbing the raccoon and tucking him against her chest.

"Grandma… what's that?"

"Nothing."

"Doesn't look like nothing." Henry said pointedly, raising an eyebrow just like his brunette mother.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"What's with the fucking raccoon and why is it dressed as a baby?" Cora asked irritably.

"His NAME IS BENJAMIN JAMES WHITE." Snow replied fiercely.

"Regina is so gonna want to ask for her money back." Cora told Henry as she gestured to brunette in front of her.

"Archie is losing his touch." Henry replied with a nod.

"I can hear you!" Snow snapped as she cradled the raccoon.

"GOOD! YOUR CRAZY ASS NEEDS SOME SERIOUS HELP!" Cora shouted.

"Like beyond Archie's expertise." Henry offered with a shrug.

"Because it clearly isn't working."

"Benji really wanted to go on this trip." Snow defended.

"Wait, hold on… That raccoon was in the car with us for the entire ride?" Cora asked as she fiddled with the hat on her head.

"Yes."

"Where was he?" Cora asked in confusion.

"In my suitcase." Snow answered with a smile.

Henry and Cora shared a glance.

"Nope, not doing this today." Henry said before turning and walking off.

Cora gave a sniffle and wiped a tear from her eye.

"You see that White Chocolate? My grandson is growing up." Cora said with a sniffle.

"Yeah into you." Snow mumbled as she looked to Benji, "Isn't that right Benji."

Cora's eyes narrowed in on the two.

"Be glad I don't have magic at my disposal right now Snow… Be glad." Cora said seriously as she pointed two fingers at her eyes and then to Snow's in a 'I'm watching you' motion.

* * *

"Well Henry I believe we have covered the whole ship." Cora said tiredly as her and her grandson leaned over the railing of the ship.

"Pssst." A voice whispered, making Cora and Henry look at each other in confusion.

"Pssstttttt." It said again.

"What on earth?" Cora asked her grandson as they looked around suspiciously.

"Oh for fuck sake woman look down you yellow bellied bastard!"

Cora peered over the side of the ship and a shit-eating grin split across her and Henry's faces.

"HOOK!" Cora yelled as she helped the man up by pulling on the rope he was hanging from, and bringing him on board.

"Ello love." Hook said with a smirk as he kissed Cora's cheek and ruffled Henry's hair, "You and your Nana spending some quality time together?"

"You betcha." Henry replied with a bright smile, making Cora beam.

"And ah, where are our other love's at?" Hook asked in reference to Emma and Regina.

"Last we saw them they were at the pool." Henry supplied before walking off to look over the side of the ship again.

"They're probably in their room going at it by now. I saw Regina smuggle in some toys."

"Kinky bitches." Hook muttered with a smirk before Cora shoved at his chest.

"So what are you doing here?" Cora asked.

"Well love, I heard you were all going on this little vacation and I thought you might want your best pirate at your side for some shenanigans." Hook offered with a smirk.

"How'd you manage to get on board?"

"A wise sea witch once told me to never underestimate the importance of body language." Hook said with a wink before taking a gander at the ship.

"Cora, this is a marvelous vessel." Hook said as he eyed the ship.

"I thought it would make an excellent addition for the armada. We could actually carry the armada on this ship." Cora said matter of factly.

"Then let's do it."

"Do what?"

"Take the ship."

"This ship?"

"Yes this ship!"

"Riiighttt this ship… the ship for the armada… the ship that would be perfect for the armada." Cora said aloud.

Hook just stared at her.

"This ship."

"YES THIS SHIP!" Hook yelled, "Did you eat some pot brownies or something before hand?"

"I may have had a little some some." Cora replied with a flippant wave of her hand, "So how do you propose we go about doing this?"

"It's going to require a specific costume." Hook answered as he stroked his beard.

* * *

"Oh sweet Jesus." Cora muttered as she eyed Hook's outfit.

"Is this necessary?" Henry asked with the same tone as his grandmother.

Hook stood proudly in front of them with a complete Jack Sparrow outfit on his body.

"Why on earth are you dressed as that dread head, bearded pirate man?" Cora asked in confusion.

"It's Jack Sparrow Nana."

"AHEEEEMMMMM!" Hook yelled, "It is CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow. And this outfit is completely necessary Henry my boy. You see, I am a pirate… Captain Jack Sparrow is a pirate… we are taking over this ship, the outfit is necessary."

"I see his point though. Jack Sparrow is every shipper on the planet." Cora supplied with a shrug.

"Now all we have to do is get to the top of the ship where the captain resides." Hook said seriously as he stroked the braids on his beard.

"Then what?" Henry asked.

"Sword fight?" Cora asked.

"Possibly, if the man is brave enough to wield one." Hook muttered.

"I don't think they do that here." Henry answered with scrunched eyebrows.

"It doesn't matter. We shall cross that plank when we come to it." Hook answered with a grin. "Now, let's set sail!"

* * *

"Babe?" Emma asked tentatively as she opened the bathroom door a crack to peer in.

"Go away." Regina groaned out as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

"Sea sick?" Emma asked as she opened the door more and entered the tiny bathroom.

"Fuck off." Regina growled out making Emma roll her eyes as she squatted behind the woman.

"I love you."

"I hate you."

"Don't be a grumpy gills."

"I will puke on you."

"Yeesh, who pissed in your cornflakes this morning?"

"I am going to throw up on you Miss Swan." Regina threatened, lifting her head slightly to glare at her wife.

"Babe you know I love it when you talk dirty." Emma replied with a wink as Regina put her head back in the bowl.

"Don't feel good." Regina whimpered out.

"I know baby." Emma soothed as she rubbed her hand up and down Regina's back.

"Where's Henry?" Regina groaned out.

"Still with your mother I would assume." Emma replied softly as she tucked a strand of hair behind the brunette's ear.

"That's a warm thought."

"I'm sure he's fine babe. Your mom always takes care of Henry."

"I know but I still worry."

"He's in no danger."

**Meanwhile...**

"Little higher Henry!" Hook called as he watched the boy scale the extremely high wall. One foot after another as he climbed the rope to peer into the bridge.

"Can you see anything?" Cora called out, adjusting her captain's hat as she looked on with rapt attention.

Henry peered through the window and saw that it was just the captain in the room.

"It's just him. We're all clear!" Henry called down as he began to lower himself back down from the height.

"Let's not waste any time then." Hook said urgently before grabbing Henry and carrying him around the deck and up the long set of stairs with Cora in tow.

"Swords at the ready lads." Cora said as she pulled out her dagger she insisted on bringing with her.

Hook handed Henry a small dagger and unsheathed his sword.

"On the count of three… 1… 2… 3!" Hook yelled as they kicked the door in and stormed the bridge.

"WHAT THE-!" The captain yelled out but was cut off as Cora karate chopped the man behind the neck and dropped him.

Her and Henry quickly tied the man up and sat him in the closet before moving back to Hook.

"Such a beautiful ship. Isn't she?" Hook asked with tears in his eyes as he took a look at where they were heading, "Oh I don't like this… It's just sailing out in the middle of nowhere and turning around… I say that we sail as far as we can!" Hook cried out as he re-plotted the course.

"Now what?" Henry asked.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" Security guards yelled out as they barged into the room, taking the three by surprise.

"Uh oh." Henry muttered.

"Well fuck me." Cora chimed in before looking to Hook, "Do something."

"What the bloody hell do you want me to do?" Hook asked haughtily. "Dress in drag and do the hula?"

Cora gave him a pointed stare before Hook rolled his eyes and ripped open a part of his shirt and gave a bat of his eyelashes.

"If you're hungry for a hunk of fat and juicy meat, eat my buddy Cora here because she is a treat, come on down and dine, on this tasty swine, all you gotta do is get in line!" Hook began to sing as he did the hula, only stopping when Henry threw something at him.

"Did you just call me a fucking pig?" Cora asked Hook with a huff.

"I think he did." One of the security guards said.

"Was that a fucking fat joke!?" Cora demanded hitting Hook across the top of the head.

"I think he called her a pig." The other guard whispered to his counterpart.

"THEY CALL ME MRS PIG!" Cora shrieked as she tackled one of the guards, Hook and Henry taking the other one.

"RUN!" Hook yelled as they tore from the bridge and ran out onto the main deck of the ship, where most of the guests were.

The entire deck heard the commotion from up top and paused their activities to see what was happening. Silence met the trio as they stopped rapidly and stared at each other. Hook managed to compose himself and stand up straighter and adjust his bandana as he held his hat in his hand.

"Everybody keep calm!" Hook called out, "We are taking over this ship!"

Cora and Hook shared a look and shrugged; quickly turning around when a slew of guards came racing towards them.

"TO THE DEATH!" Cora cried as she clutched her dagger and the three began fighting the approaching guards.

"THIS IS THE TALE! OF CAPTAIN KILLIAN JONES!" Hook began to sing as he sidestepped blows.

"What ARE YOU DOING?!" Cora yelled as she dodged a guard.

"A PIRATE SO BRAVE, ON THE SEVEN SEAS!"

"What!?" Henry called as he scurried away from a guard.

"A MYSTICAL QUEST! TO THE ISLE OF TORTUGA!" Hook sang as he deflected a blow and danced along.

"THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" Cora cried as she jumped over a barrel and peeked up over it in time to dodge another guard, causing him to land in the pool.

"RAVEN LOCKS SWAY! ON THE OCEAN FREE!" Hook cried out before scurrying along the pool and flinging beach balls at the guards.

"This is getting weird!" Henry called to his grandmother as he pulled her from her hiding spot and they set to dodging more guards.

"FROM THE DAY HE WAS BORN! HE YEARNED FOR ADVENTURE!" Hook cried as he jumped on top of a guard and spun around in a circle.

"NOOOO!" Cora yelled out as she football tackled the nearest guard.

"OLD CAPTAIN HOOK! GIVING THEM WHAT FOR!" Hook sang as he kicked a beach ball into the nearest guards face.

"HE'S THE PAUPER OF THE SURF! THE JESTER OF TORTUGA! BUT IS DAVY JONES LOCKER, WHAT LIES IN STORE!" Hook continued on.

"STOOOOOOPPPPPP!" Henry yelled out as he ducked between a security guards leg and fell into a throng of half naked women. "Never mind keep going." Henry replied as the women began to fawn over the little boy.

"GIANT SQUID!" Hook cried out as he batted a guard off of Cora and smirked triumphantly at the slew of unconscious guards that littered the deck.

"Nice show." Cora commented as she readjusted her captain's hat and fixed Hook's before Hook hopped up on a nearby table.

"Now that we have defeated your captain and his cronies. We are taking over this ship for the Swan Queen Armada!" Hook called out triumphantly. "Might I present to you your new captain, Captain Cora Mills!"

Cora hopped up on the table next to Hook and gave a sly grin.

"Swan Queen armada?" One woman asked in confusion.

"Allow us to explain." Hook stated with a smirk.

* * *

"Ugh what is all of that commotion?" Regina groaned as she lifted her head from it's resting place on Emma's chest.

She had finished her bout of sickness around an hour ago, and after some serious mouth cleaning she had put her mouth to better use… namely making her wife scream her name repeatedly.

"Just ignore it. We're on vacation." Emma mumbled as she ran her fingers through Regina's hair.

"What if it's my mother?" Regina asked as she sat up.

"You worry too much." Emma replied as she rubbed her eyes and sat up as well.

"And I have a reason not too?" Regina asked with a quirked eyebrow before standing and beginning to dress.

"True true." Emma agreed before dressing as well, both women linking hands as they exited their cabin and headed towards the commotion.

"We are the Swan Queen Armada, Our ship shall sail and will not sink, We ship Regina Mills and Emma Swan, We sail proud and true, We are not just a ship, or an armada… WE ARE A NATION! SWAN QUEEN NATION!" The crowd said in unison as Cora shut down the PowerPoint projector and saluted the new recruits.

"Mother!" Regina shrieked out, eyes blazing.

"New recruits, meet your babies!" Cora cried happily, hiding her fear at her daughter's reaction as she gestured to the two women.

"They're perfect!"

"So beautiful!"

"Want!"

"CAN WE MARRY THEM?!"

Regina and Emma shared a glance before walking forward hand in hand to confront Cora.

"Where is our son?" Regina demanded, not bothering to ask why Hook was there or why he was dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Hey mom!" Henry called from his lounge chair where he was sipping on some juice and being cooed over by a bunch of half naked women.

"Our son has game." Emma stated proudly as Regina's mouth hung open in shock.

"Yeah. My grandson is a player already." Cora said proudly as her and Emma high-fived.

"HENRY SWAN-MILLS YOU GET YOUR BUTT AWAY FROM THOSE FLOOSIES RIGHT NOW!" Regina shrieked before stomping over and pulling him away from the woman and towards their cabin.

"Great now she's pissed." Emma sighed out.

"You seem tired. Too much sex mate?" Hook asked as he pulled the cork out of a bottle of rum and took a swig, handing it to Emma next.

"Yeah. Regina's been a little sick too." Emma stated with a wave of her hand.

"Sick? Sick how?" Cora asked hurriedly with a hint of glee.

"I don't know. She might have a small stomach bug or something. Just throwing up and all that crap. Ah shit here she comes and she looks pissed, guess I'm on damage control." Emma muttered before handing Hook the bottle and walking towards her fuming wife.

"Did you hear that Hook? Regina is sick!" Cora said happily.

"Little low their mate, that's your daughter." Hook stated in confusion.

"No you idiot!" Cora said as she smacked Hook's head, "What if Regina has morning sickness! I might finally get my magic grandbaby!"

Hook's eyes widened and a bright smile broke out on his face as they looked at the two women.

Cora's line of sight trailed upwards and widened when they took in the view that was beginning to come into sight.

"Hook, look! It's a castle!" Cora stated in awe at the sheer size and magnitude of the palace, even though they still had a ways to go yet.

"It's magnificent!" Hook replied.

"I thought there weren't any castles in this world?" Cora asked in confusion as they drew nearer.

"Well we best take a look shan't we love?" Hook said with a smirk before running off to the bridge to slow the ship down and bring it in nice and slow.

"Where are we?" Cora muttered as Hook joined her after docking the ship.

"It seems magical." Hook stated in aw as they looked on.

" _Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Disneyworld."_

* * *

**A/N: Well everyone, let me know what you thought of this chapter.**

**Special thanks to The-White-Tiger-Of-The-West for the idea. I altered it a little bit since I wanted it to flow nice for the next chapter, but the basis of the idea was a prompt from that user.**


	22. Disney Part 1

 

**Here is Chapter 22**

**Now as you may suspect from the title, we are in Disney people :)**

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I and my Beta have.**

**Special Thanks to my lovely Beta SassySaviorSwag who is pretty much the embodiment of my Emma, especially with one particular incident in this chapter involving tea cups. This entire chapter is pretty much exactly what we discussed yesterday when we got breakfast.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing from Once or the Emperor's New groove, or anything that Disney owns.**

**This will be a two part piece :)**

**Reviews welcomed and encouraged.**

* * *

" _Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Disneyworld."_

"Hook… what is Disneyworld?" Cora asked in confusion as the rest of the passengers began to get off of the ship.

"I have absolutely no idea. But I think we should find the rest of your family and take a look." Hook replied as he glanced around.

Shortly after, Cora and Hook were joined by the rest of the family and made their way off of the now docked ship.

"Babe I didn't know that this was a Disney cruise." Emma said with a smile to her wife, who looked just as perplexed as the rest of the family.

"It wasn't. I believe that this was Hook and my mother's doing." Regina replied as she clutched Emma's hand.

"It's still awesome though mom!" Henry called happily as he skipped ahead to walk with his Nana and Hook.

"Hook. Look at that magnificent castle." Cora said in aw as she and Hook eyed the spectacle. "I must have it."

"Come again?"

"I want that castle. This could be our kingdom for the armada."

"You're joking."

"I most certainly am not!"

"You're telling me, that you want to take over this entire land?" Hook asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Uh huh." Cora replied with a bright smile and nod.

Hook paused a moment before looking at Cora, the internal debate raging within him. Suddenly, a little Angel Hook and Devil Hook appeared on each of his shoulders.

"I do not think that this would be a wise decision Hook. Cora has gotten you into immense trouble before. It can't end well mate." The angel said sternly, making the devil roll his eyes.

"Listen up, big guy. I got three good reasons why you should just go with it. Number one. Look at that guy! He's got that sissy stringy music thing." The devil replied with a smirk.

"We've been through this. It's a harp, and you know it." The angel replied haughtily, making Hook raise an eyebrow at the two's banter.

"Hook?" Cora asked in confusion as she watched the man look between his two shoulders.

"One moment love." Hook replied as he held a finger up to her.

"Oh, right. That's a harp, and that's a dress." The devil replied sarcastically to the angel.

"Robe!"

"Reason number two. Look what I can do. Ha-ha, ha!" The devil said as he performed a one-armed handstand.

"But what does that have to do with anything?" Hook asked as he watched the devil do his trick.

"No, no. He's got a point." The angel replied as he pointed to the devil and watched with rapt attention.

Hook gave a groan before looking away and catching sight of a Red Sided Eclectus, perched on a nearby tree branch.

"A RED SIDED ECLECTUS!" Hook cried happily before digging out a bingo pad and positioning it on his hook and rushing to the bird.

"Fucking exotic bird bingo." Cora grumbled as she caught up to her family speaking to a greeter.

"Hello, my name is Sam, and welcome to Disneyworld."

"SILENCE PEASANT!" Cora screamed suddenly before grabbing the man by the shirt.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled at the woman as she manhandled the greeter.

"Tell me peasant, whose castle is that?" Cora asked the man as she pointed to the castle in front of them.

"That is Cinderella's castle."

"Cinder-…. No. Do not lie to me peasant. Cinderella is back in Storybrooke. Why would she have need of a castle here?" Cora asked skeptically.

"I- I don't know. It's always been here though."

"SILENCE!" Cora yelled before sending the greeter away.

"Mother that was highly inappropriate." Regina scolded.

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE?!" Cora cried out as she looked around.

"Why hello there." A woman nearby said in an overly chipper voice, making the group turn and Emma give a big smile. "My name is Snow White and I love woodland creatures."

Snow's eyes grew large as saucers as she approached this other chipper woman.

" _My_ name is Snow White and _I_ love woodland creatures." Snow said wide-eyed.

"Oh great now there's two White Chocolate's." Cora grumbled in disbelief as she watched.

"I have been awaiting my Prince Charming to come and sweep me off of my feet."

"You have that! You have that! This is my Prince Charming!" Snow shrieked as she grabbed James and pulled him forward, patting over his face as her eyes stayed trained on the other Snow.

"Just remember Emma, you came from _that._ " Cora reminded the blonde as Emma rolled her eyes.

"We want to live happily ever after and have children."

"YOU'VE DONE THAT! THAT HAS HAPPENED!" Snow cried before grabbing Emma and pulling her forward, "This is our daughter, Princess Emma."

The other Snow White gave a confused stare as she looked at the blonde.

"Oh don't worry about her age. We actually are older than her even though it doesn't look like it. It is actually a long story but it all started with our evil stepmother, the queen." Snow began before raising her hand to her mouth, "Not so evil anymore."

"Snow!" Regina warned, but the small brunette merely grabbed her and dragged her forward.

"This is our former step-mother, Regina. See, she cast this curse about 30 years back and took all of us from our home in The Enchanted Forest and brought us to Storybrooke, Maine. And our daughter Emma was sent through this wardrobe and on her 28th birthday she would come and break the curse and help us remember who we were before. OH!" Snow exclaimed before grabbing Cora, "And this is Cora, she's the Queen of Hearts, Regina's mother."

The other Snow White looked on in horror but stayed rooted to the spot.

"So anyways, Emma was brought back to Storybrooke by her son Henry who is also Regina's adopted son. They broke the curse and helped everyone remember and now Emma and Regina are married!" Snow concluded with a bright smile.

There was a pregnant pause as the other Snow looked to the group.

Suddenly, other Snow let out a bloody murder shriek and took off across the park screaming and running.

"Glad to know that all the white chocolate's are insane." Cora muttered to her daughter who gave her a smirk in return.

"Come on, let's keep moving, and mom try not to talk." Emma stated before taking Regina's hand and moving her along.

They walked for a bit, ooing and awing at the scenery of the place as Hook trailed behind, looking at the trees with rapt attention for exotic bird bingo.

"Hey Cora look, it's you." Emma stated with a smirk as she pointed ahead to the Queen of Hearts character.

"I beg your pardon!? That looks nothing like me." Cora replied haughtily.

"She's your Disney counterpart Cora. Like Snow just met hers a bit ago." Emma explained.

"She's fat! And she looks like one of those Muppet creatures!" Cora shrieked out before storming off to the character.

"Emma what did you just do." Regina whimpered as they moved forward.

"YOU THERE! IMPOSTER!" Cora yelled as she approached the Queen of Hearts. "I AM THE QUEEN OF HEARTS! WHO ARE YOU!?"

The character stayed silent but recoiled at Cora's close proximity.

"I SAID ANSWER ME YOU IMPOSTER!"

"Cora, the costume characters don't talk." Emma groaned out.

"NOT NOW EMMA! THIS WOMAN IS AN IMPOSTER AND I DEMAND ANSWERS!" Cora yelled, "Tell me, where is your vault? Hmm?"

The character tried to run from Cora but she grabbed the character.

"ANSWER ME! How many hearts have you taken to earn the title of Queen of Hearts!" Cora yelled.

The character managed to wiggle free and took off running.

"YOU CAN'T HIDE FOREVER! I SHALL FIND YOU AND TAKE YOUR HEART YOU IMPOSTER!"

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled as she grabbed Cora and dragged her away from the scene.

"This is why we don't do family vacations." Emma grumbled as they continued to walk.

"Nana relax." Henry soothed, making the older woman give a sigh as they continued on.

"Hey babe, there's your counterpart." Emma said with a smirk, gesturing to the Evil Queen standing off to the side with a scowl on her face.

"IMPOSTER!" Cora shrieked out as she ran to the Queen. "You there! State your name!"

"Excuse you? I am the Evil Queen Grimhilde." The Queen stated with her head held high.

"Grim… Grimhilde?" Cora asked before busting out into a fit of laughter.

"Mother." Regina warned as she eyed the woman in front of her.

"Regina! This bitches name is Grimhilde!" Cora laughed out, "What an atrocious name!"

"I beg your pardon peasant."

Cora stopped laughing immediately and she straightened, head held high.

"Peasant?"

"Well fuck." Emma grumbled.

"PEASANT! YOU DARE CALL ME A PEASANT!" Cora yelled but Regina grabbed her and tossed her into Emma to keep her at bay.

"I apologize for my mother. She is… unused to this place." Regina replied elegantly, her own head held high as she looked at her counterpart."

"Charming." The Evil Queen replied, making Regina smirk some.

"Why is she wearing that hat/cloak thingy?" Cora asked as she took in the Queen's wardrobe.

"Mother."

"I bet she's bald underneath."

"MOTHER!"

"Why are her eyebrows so high?"

"ENOUGH!" Regina raged out, her voice commanding and making the entire group still.

"You speak with the voice of a Queen." The Evil Queen replied with a smirk.

"That's because I am a Queen. Actually your real life counterpart." Regina replied smoothly, "I am the Evil Queen Regina."

"Not so Evil anymore!" Snow called from the back.

"Is that so?" The Queen asked with a bemused smirk, "And who is this, Snow White?" She asked as she gestured to Snow.

"Fuck, she knows." Cora whispered to Emma with wide-eyes.

"How did you know that?" Regina asked, completely shocked.

"Alright that's enough, let's go." Emma stated firmly before grabbing her wife and dragging her away.

"I'm watching you lady. You and your baldhead and too fucking high eyebrows… I'm watching you." Cora stated in warning as she walked away with her family.

"Hey, has anyone seen Hook?" Charming asked the group as they walked.

Cora gave a sigh before pointing over her shoulder.

"Oh, look. A golden-throated small-winged warbler. Just one more for exotic bird bingo. I am loving this." Hook muttered to himself as he checked off the bird on his list hanging from his hook.

"Wait. Where's mom?" Emma asked as they looked around the group.

"THERE'S AN ANIMAL KINGDOM!" Snow shouted from across the way.

"Found her." Emma groaned as they looked to her flailing around like an idiot near the Animal Kingdom sign.

"CHARMING LET'S GO!" Snow yelled as she grabbed her husband and took off at a run.

"Hello mates." Hook greeted as he walked back to the group.

"Finally done with your Exotic Bird Bingo Hook?" Cora asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I have one left love. Fear not, it shall be mine." Hook said dramatically.

"He's gonna say it again." Cora muttered to the girls and Henry.

"It. Shall. Be. Mine." Hook stated. "So what's going on?"

"Well, Snow and Charming ran off to Animal Kingdom, which certainly won't go very well." Regina informed, an eye roll accompanying her statement.

Hook gave a nod and looked up, his eyes widening.

"A ship." He muttered, making everyone turn to look. "She's magnificent."

"That's the Pirates of the Caribbean ship." Emma informed the man, but he wasn't listening.

"Hook?" Cora asked, waving a hand in front of the man's face.

"She reminds me of the Jolly Roger." Hook stated sadly.

"Where _is_ the Jolly Roger, Hook?" Regina asked, genuinely curious.

"She's… She's… I DON'T KNOW OKAY?!"

"What the fuck do you mean you don't know? How the fuck do you lose a ship?" Cora asked in disbelief.

"She still has that bloody enchantment on, that _you_ put on her, YOUR MAJESTY!"

"DON'T YOU YELL AT ME YOU YELLOW BELLIED SEA LIZARD. IT ISN'T MY FUCKING FAULT YOU CAN'T KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR SHIP!"

"THERE'S NOTHING TO KEEP AN EYE ON **WHEN YOU FUCKING MADE HER INVISIBLE** _ **CORA!**_ " Hook yelled, the two standing a breath apart and seething.

"Let's just calm down." Emma tried to reason as Henry nudged her and offered her some cotton candy.

"She was the best damn ship I ever had the pleasure to sail. Magnificent sails, billowing in the wind." Hook began, making Cora roll her eyes.

"It's just a ship Hook." Cora groaned.

"She isn't JUST a ship mate, she would've made a fine addition to the armada."

"I never thought of that." Cora muttered in shame.

"She was beautiful. Nothing like that fat arse Big Bertha."

"Big Bertha?" The group asked in confusion.

"She was a replacement ship that I stole off of another pirate, named Big Bertha. Fat arse of a ship, too damn wide, doesn't cut the water right, makes for a rocky ride." Hook stated in disgust. "She's nothing like my Jolly."

"I'm so sorry Hook." Cora said as she laid a hand on the man's shoulder.

"I'm fine. I'm fine." Hook said as his voice cracked. "I- I'M NOT FINE!" Hook yelled before spinning around and crying on Cora's shoulder.

"This family is so fucked up." Emma muttered to Regina.

"I full heartedly agree dear." Regina replied before looking at her wife and giving her a soft kiss.

"Can I be put up for adoption again?" Henry asked himself before looking around, anywhere but his Nana and Hook sobbing together and his mother's making out in the middle of the park.

"I must go and see this ship, and claim her for the armada." Hook stated firmly as he removed himself from Cora.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Cora yelled loudly.

" _VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!"_ Came the distant reply from different directions, making Cora and Hook beam while Regina and Emma rolled their eyes.

"Make me proud Hook." Cora called after the pirate.

"So…" Emma began. "Tea cups?"

"Tea cups?" Regina asked in confusion as her wife pulled the group towards the ride.

"There they are. Awesome huh?" Emma asked her wife, immediately taking note of how pale Regina became, "Babe what's wrong?"

"Emma I can't ride those things, you know I haven't been feeling well." Regina reminded her wife, to which Emma pouted.

"Come on blondie, Henry and I will ride with you." Cora said with a smirk before shoving the two forward and turning to face her daughter, "Can't get the little growing baby sick can we."

Cora ran off with the two giddily, leaving Regina perplexed.

The brunette watched as the three climbed into the ride, smirking when she saw Cora's expression of horror as the cups began to spin.

"LET ME OFF OF THIS BLASTED RIDE!"

"Cora it's fun!" Emma yelled happily as they spun faster.

"I FEEL AS IF I AM IN THE TORNADO THAT LANDED DOROTHY IN OZ!"

"Cora you aren't!"

"ELPHABA SAVE ME!" Cora yelled as they continued to spin.

They spun for a few more minutes with Cora's yelling, before the woman decided that she was actually having fun. After the ride stopped, the three exited the ride and walked towards Regina who was lounging on a bench near a trashcan.

"Best ride ever!" Emma yelled happily, pausing for a moment as her face became pale and rushed to the garbage can, unloading her stomach.

"EMMA ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?" Cora yelled as she rushed to the blonde, while Regina giggled. She knew how her wife got on spinning rides and was happy that she managed to make it to the garbage can.

"I'm fine!" Emma called as she backed away from the can and paused, "I want a corn dog."

Cora looked at her daughter-in-law in horror.

"What the fuck is a corn dog? Is it a dog rolled in corn?"

"No Cora, here come on, I'll show you." Emma said happily as she grabbed Regina's hand and led them away from the ride.

"Why your parents allow you to eat dogs, let alone eat it themselves, is beyond me. Strange world." Cora told her grandson as they walked.

"This coming from the woman who eats an animal that is half lion, goat and snake." Henry fired back, making Cora grin down at her grandson.

"Touché."

* * *

Snow ran ahead, stopping abruptly in front of the giant tree that sat in the middle of the kingdom, her eyes wide as she looked at it. She felt the tree calling her, a chorus of animals signing The Circle of Life came to mind as she stared at the tree. She took in the carvings of all the animals and felt as though she was home and with her people.

"Charming. I am home." Snow said distantly as she walked ahead and hugged the tree.

"Snow, it's a tree." Charming reasoned as he approached his wife.

"Charming can we move here? I wonder how much a house costs." Snow muttered as she continued to hug the tree.

"Snow we can't live here."

"Yes we can, all of the animals are here, I could live right here even. Think of it Charming, ALL of the animals."

"Snow this isn't good for your therapy."

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"

"Snow."

"MY TREE. MINE!" Snow yelled before quickly climbing the tree and reaching the top. She peeked out of the tree and looked down at her husband and let out a primal growl.

"Snow come down here this instant!" Charming yelled up to his wife.

"BE GONE INTRUDER!" Snow growled out, looking like a rabid monkey as she sat in her tree.

"Snow!"

"I LIVE HERE NOW CHARMING. MY TREE. MY HOME." Snow yelled, "THESE ANIMALS HAVE FAMILIES CHARMING. FAMILIES!"

"Snow stop!"

"I AM A PART OF THEIR FAMILY NOW CHARMING!" Snow yelled back before disappearing in the tree.

"Goddamnit." Charming muttered before turning around and stomping off to find the others to help him get Snow down from that blasted tree.

* * *

"Can we do some more rides?" Cora asked the two women and her grandson as they walked.

"Sure Cora. We can do whatever you want." Emma said happily as they walked.

"Hey look, there's gramps!" Henry said pointing ahead.

"Where's your mother?" Regina asked Emma as they approached.

"Charming without White Chocolate, not a good sign." Cora muttered as they approached him.

"Hey dad, where's mom?" Emma asked skeptically.

"Your mother has hauled her ass up in the tree in the Animal Kingdom, claiming that it is now her home and where she lives, not to mention she is acting like a feral animal. I was getting ready to poke her with a stick!" Charming ranted, making Cora snort.

"Yeah you were." Cora said with a wink.

"Mother!" Regina scolded while Henry high fived his Nana.

"We have to go get her down." Charming continued.

"Alright let's go get her crazy, white, animal loving ass down from that tree." Cora grumbled as they walked.

Emma looked around the park as they walked, holding onto Regina's hand firmly. She stopped suddenly, making the whole group pause.

"Emma what is it?" Regina asked curiously, watching her wife's face.

"Pooh."

"Pooh?" Cora asked, "The fuck is a Pooh."

"That is Pooh." Emma said in a daze as she pointed ahead to the fluffy bear, interacting with children.

"It's a bear." Cora muttered.

"Oh my god it's Winnie the Pooh. Regina, I'm losing my shit!" Emma exclaimed, finally regaining her senses.

"Emma, he's a bear, and we have to go get your mother." Regina reasoned as she tugged on Emma's hand.

"Look at all the bothers I give Regina! I don't give a shit about my mom right now. The only thing I care about is that big, fat ass bear over there. HE IS MY FAVORITE!" Emma yelled.

"Why Emma? I don't get it." Regina said with an exasperated sigh.

"HE HAS MY PERFECT LIFE! He sits on his ass all day and eats! I'm a simple girl Regina. I really only need 3 things in life to be happy Regina; sleep, food, and sex with you. Also hanging out with Henry, but that's beside the point. I sat on a boat with your batshit crazy mother and her insanely stupid pirate sidekick, held your hair back while you barfed all over the bathroom and got poked and prodded by your mother's converted fangirls! All I want to do is get a picture with that big chunk of fluff and possibly get a slushie because I deserve it dammit! Then I will happily pull my fucking Dr. Dolittle mother out of a tree. Now, give me your autograph book Henry, I got a date with a giant yellow bear." Emma breathed out heavily as she finished her rant and swiped Henry's autograph book from his hand.

"Emma." Regina stated, making the blonde look at her.

"LOOK AT ALL THE BOTHERS REGINA! LOOK AT THEM!" Emma yelled out before composing herself.

She took a deep breath and took off running screaming, "LET ME LOVE YOU!" at the bear.

Leaving a stunned group standing in the middle of the park.

"What the _fuck_ is a 'bother'?"

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the chapter**

**Happy Easter everyone**

**Don't forget to review, as they are welcomed and encouraged.**

**we are currently at 940 I believe**

**So whoever is my 1,000 review gets to pick prompt for a future chapter, and the entire chapter will be centered around that prompt and not just feature snippets like the others.**


	23. Disney Part 2

 

**hey guys, sorry the update took a little long. School has been crazy and I don't know when I will be updating again but I will try to as soon as I can.**

**remember, reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Here you all go!**

* * *

"Perhaps we should proceed without Emma?" Cora asked the group as they watched Emma hop up and down giddily in front of the hunk of fluff.

Regina gave a sigh and nodded as they turned and headed towards the Animal Kingdom, leaving Emma behind with her beloved Pooh.

"So… Snow's fallen off the wagon again." Cora commented as they walked.

"I don't know what else to do. Therapy was going so well and then all of a sudden it's like she's lost her shit again." Charming replied with a shrug.

"Perhaps we shouldn't have just taken animals away from her all together." Regina began, "Perhaps we should have weaned her off of them."

"White Chocolate is bat shit, but this whole Animal Tree thing can't be that bad." Cora commented as they approached the tree.

"Snow!" Regina called up to the tree, the group watching with rapt attention as a head peaked out of the tree.

"Friend or foe!?" Snow called from the tree.

"The fuck is next to her?" Cora asked as she spotted a baboon lounging next to Snow.

"Oh good Glinda." Regina muttered as a dozen monkeys popped their heads out of the leaves on the tree, "Snow we just want to talk!"

"NO! NO TALKING!" Snow cried loudly before throwing something at the group, Cora and Regina pushing everyone out of the way as they dodged the object.

"What the hell is- WHITE CHOCOLATE YOU CRAZY ASS BITCH! DON'T YOU THROW MONKEY POOP AT ME!" Cora screamed out in anger as she looked at the small woman.

"Snow that is enough!" Charming called out.

"ATTACK MY PRETTIES!" Snow screamed as the monkeys began hurling their feces at the family.

Regina grabbed Henry and dove behind a nearby bench, shielding themselves. Cora ran to the side of the tree and hid in a knot while Charming hid behind a trashcan.

"She has lost her shit." Cora muttered as she peeked out from around the knot, dodging another wave of shit and hiding once more.

* * *

"It's magnificent." Hook muttered to himself as he approached the ship. He examined the title nearby, "Pirates of the Caribbean Ride".

"Pirates of the Caribbean… MY BRETHREN!" Hook cried happily, ignoring the onlookers as he walked around the ship.

Up ahead he spotted another pirate, his dreadlocks hanging past his shoulders, beads holding the locks in place, a beard on his face… and what looked to be eye liner.

"You there mate!" Hook called out as he approached the man.

The man turned and raised an eyebrow as he took in Hook's appearance, his eyes landing on his hook.

"You aren't Captain Hook by any chance, are you?" The man asked in confusion as he pointed to his hook.

"Indeed I am mate, and you are?" Hook asked with a smile.

"The name is Captain Jack Sparrow, and this here is me ship, The Black Pearl." Jack said as he gestured to the ship.

"She's magnificent mate, a true beauty."

"Indeed she is. Where's your Jolly parked?" Jack asked as he gestured to Hook.

"Unfortunately, thanks to the Queen of Hearts, an enchantment was placed on her and I seem to have lost her." Hook said sadly as Jack gave him a slap on the back.

"We can find her mate. Why don't you join me for a drink and we can discuss plans." Jack suggested, pausing as he watched two wenches near them. "Ladies."

The first woman slapped him hard across the face, making Jack wince.

"I deserved that." He muttered before the second slapped him, "I definitely deserve that."

"You bastard!" The one wench cried, the other joining in shortly after with her own slurs and crass comments.

"Ladies, as much as I would love to stand here and listen to your complaints of me and my ways, I have more pressing matters to attend to. My rum is in short supply, small children keep approaching me and insisting on pulling my beard, and now I have you two wenches slapping me and belittling me. Allow me to tell you this, all of this pales in comparison to the fact that my mates ship here has gone missing, savvy?" Jack finished with a pleased smirk, which was quickly replaced with a grimace when both women slapped him and stormed off, leaving Hook wide eyed at the exchange.

"Girlfriends?" Hook asked with a smirk as he watched the women walk off.

"Ex girlfriends." Jack muttered, "Now let's go see about that ship of yours mates, but first! Some rum!" Jack cried happily as the two walked to the ship and hopped on board.

* * *

"Fire in the hole!" Cora cried as she hurled a hotdog up into the tree, hitting Snow's baboon square in the face.

"Mother we need to get her to stop! This is insanity!" Regina yelled as she hurled her own hotdog up into the tree, striking a monkey and making him fall.

"FREDRICK!" Snow screamed as the monkey was knocked from the tree, "YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT!"

"Bring it bitch!" Cora yelled as she prepared another hot dog.

"WITH YOUR LIVES!" Snow screamed as she prepared to throw a mango at Regina.

"What the fuck happened here?" Emma asked as she arrived on the scene. Her eyes landing on her wife and son, both holding fully loaded hotdogs, her father attempting to scale the tree with traces of fruit excess on him, and Cora, mid squeeze of a ketchup bottle as she applied it to her hot dog.

Emma looked at the ground, traces of hotdog, fruit, and…. Shit, littered the ground.

"Why is there shit everywhere?" Emma asked aloud as she took in the sight and took a sip of her slushie.

"Your mother has monkey minions." Regina answered simply.

"And they threw shit at you?" Emma asked.

Henry and Regina nodded in unison as Emma turned her attention back to the tree.

"EMMA DUCK!" Cora screamed as she dove in front of Emma and took a hit to the chest, mango juice running down her front as she hit the ground.

"MOTHER!" Regina cried out as she rushed to the fallen woman, scooping her in her arms and holding her.

"What the actual fuck is happening." Emma muttered as she watched the display.

"Regina. Come closer." Cora whispered, hand clutching her chest.

Regina leaned in closer as Charming and Henry approached.

"What is it mother?" Regina asked softly as she held the woman.

"Okay seriously what the hell?" Emma asked again the two guys as she watched.

Neither answered, too invested in what was happening.

"Closer." Cora whispered hoarsely again.

"Okay seriously it was a fucking mango." Emma countered.

Regina shot her a glare before leaning in close to her mother to listen.

"Kick. Her. Aaaaassssssssss." Cora groaned out before playing dead and going limp in Regina's arms.

"WE SHALL AVENGE HER!" Henry cried as he hurled a hotdog at his other grandma.

Regina grabbed another one and hurled it up into the tree, smacking Snow in the face with an explosion of condiments.

"I'M HIT!" Snow cried as she teetered on the edge of the tree, falling as Charming rushed to catch her in time.

"I got you Snow." Charming soothed as he gently put her on the ground.

"You know what, I don't even wanna fucking know anymore." Emma groaned as she looked to her wife who was currently helping Cora up.

"Well that was interesting." Cora muttered as she stood and fixed herself.

Finally the group turned to face Emma, all of them looking at her strangely while she slurped her slushie.

"What?" Emma demanded as she took another pull on her straw.

"What on earth is on your head?" Regina asked with a cute smirk as she pointed to Emma.

The group suppressed a snicker as they looked at Emma, a Mickey Mouse ear hat sat on her head.

"I got my ears. So what?" Emma replied with a shrug.

"You look like a child." Regina commented with a chuckle as she walked to her wife and embraced her tightly.

"You're just jealous." Emma muttered before placing a kiss on the brunette's lips.

"Of you looking ridiculous?" Regina asked with an arched eyebrow.

"No. That I pull it off better." Emma replied before slapping another pair on Regina's head, making the brunette grumble. "Never mind you totally pull it off better."

Regina smirked as they held hands and ushered the family from that section of the park. They had just made it to the exit when they heard someone from security scream about the mess, making the family double time it.

"Where to now?" Cora asked.

"I could use some food." Snow piped up as Charming nodded in agreement.

"After those hotdogs, no thanks." Henry groaned out as they walked.

"You guys go and grab some food, we may hop on another ride." Emma called as they dragged the family to the nearest ride.

"It's A Small World?" Regina asked as she eyed the entrance to the ride.

"It's annoying, but a classic, everyone has to ride it when they come here." Emma answered as she pulled the brunette along.

"If we must."

"Henry this ride… I feel as if it is calling to me in a strange way." Cora said to her grandson as they followed the two women.

"It's alright Nana. You'll be fine." Henry piped up as he grabbed his Nana's hand and walked in with her.

Emma and Regina had ushered them ahead and decided to take the next cart that came by. They waved their goodbyes to Grandma and grandson, giggling at the perplexed expression on Cora's face as they departed.

The two women took their seats and clasped hands, sitting calmly as the ride began to move.

"This is… strange." Regina commented as they began to move through the ride and the singing started.

"It's a classic."

"There are miniature Dutch people singing an annoying song on repeat." Regina commented dryly.

Suddenly the lights dimmed, leaving the women in the dark.

"Emma?" Regina asked in confusion as her grip on her wife's hand tightened.

"It's alright babe, this ride is super old so it breaks down a lot and takes awhile to fix." Emma commented. Even though Regina could barely make out Emma's features, she knew the blonde wore a mischievous smirk.

"And what exactly do you have in mind dear?" Regina purred, moving closer to her wife and attaching her lips to the blonde's neck.

"I can think of a few things." Emma whimpered as she tilted her head to give her wife more access.

"As can I." Regina muttered before straddling Emma's lap, her hands moving over the front of the blonde's body and palming breasts as she went. A low moan escaped Emma's lips as Regina ground her hips down into Emma's abdomen as she massaged her breasts through her shirt and her lips leaving a trail of kisses down her neck.

**Cora's Plight….**

The ride started out all right at first, Cora was nervous as Henry smirked at his Nana's distress with the ride. Soon the ride was plunged in darkness as they moved and approached a lighted area of small Dutch people singing.

"What is this horror?" Cora demanded with wide eyes as she looked at the people.

" _It's a small world after all."_ The little minions sang as Cora felt herself get drawn in to their beady little black eyes.

"FIENDS!"

"Nana calm down it's just a ride."

Cora's eyes bore into the soulless ones of the small Dutch people, as they swayed back and forth as they sang.

"YOU WILL NOT CLAIM MY SOUL YOU LITTLE DOUGH BALLS!" Cora shrieked as she tried to exit the cart.

" _Ma'am, please stay inside of the cart."_ The announcer said over the speaker, making Cora look up at the black ceiling as orange lights danced around her.

"GO AWAY SATAN! YOU SHALL NOT HAVE MY SOUL! NOT YOU OR YOUR LITTLE FUCKING MINIONS!"

"Nana that isn't Satan!"

"I WILL NOT LET YOU TAKE HENRY!" Cora screamed as she tried to protect her grandson. The minions drawing in closer and closer as they sang.

"BE GONE!" Cora shrieked out before standing and kicking a nearby Dutch villager, knocking it clean off of it's resting place.

" _It's a small_ _ **woooorrllddddd**_ _."_ The singing drawled out as the ride came to a halt, plunging them in darkness.

**Emma and Regina**

"Fuck, right there." Regina growled out as she rocked her hips against her wife's talented fingers, the blonde's lips firmly attached to an olive toned neck.

Regina felt her orgasm fast approaching, she was just about to tip over the edge when bright lights came on and a voice was heard overhead.

" _Ladies if you could please dress yourselves and make your way to the nearest exit, that would be greatly appreciated. Sorry but no sex on the rides."_

Regina sprang off of Emma and landed on the bottom of the cart with a thud, as both women scrambled to make themselves decent.

"FUCK!" Emma yelped as she landed on top of Regina, her mouse ears crooked as she attempted to fix her shirt and bra.

Regina pulled her shirt over her head quickly and buttoned her pants up, quickly grabbing Emma's hand and pulling her from the cart.

" _Ladies you forgot your bra."_

Regina turned red as a tomato as she whipped around and grabbed the bra from the cart, dragging Emma to the nearest exit and going to wait for Cora and Henry.

**Cora…**

The lights came on suddenly, blinding Henry briefly before he could look over to his Nana… who currently looked like she was in a daze. He waved his hand in front of her face but her eyes didn't blink and she didn't register him.

"Nana?" Henry asked softly, poking her cheek to try and get a reaction out of her.

Finally after giving up, the lights went out once more and they continued on the ride. The little Dutch people picked up their singing once more as they progressed on the ride.

"It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all." Cora sang softly with a blank expression as they continued, Henry shooting concerned looks out of the corner of his eye.

By the end of the ride Cora was rocking herself back and forth and Henry started to grow concerned, finally when the ride stopped he could see her clearly and assess the damage.

"Nana?"

"It's a small world Henry… It's such a small world." Cora muttered with a bit of a crazy laugh.

"Woah." Henry muttered as he watched the spectacle. "We should go find Moms."

"We will find them Henry, small world remember?" Cora muttered.

"Okkaaaayyy." Henry gave a nervous laugh as he spotted his mothers up ahead, "Moms! Something is wrong with Nana!"

"Henry what's wrong with her?" Regina asked concerned, forgetting her embarrassment for a moment as she looked at her mother's condition.

"She got totally weird after the ride."

"It's a small world after all." Cora sang softly in a small voice.

"Yeah that happens sometimes." Emma commented idly and moved around to stand next to Cora. "VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" She screamed loudly, startling Cora and making her jump up in the air.

"WHAT WHAT IS HAPPENING ARMADA WHERE!?" Cora spazzed, looking around frantically as she tried to get a bearing on her position.

"See she's fine!" Emma said with a smirk as Henry rolled his eyes and muttered about going to find his other grandparents.

"Wait a sec. You two were behind us… How did you beat us?" Cora asked confused as she pointed to the two women. Neither said anything, but a blush crept up both of their faces. "Oh you two didn't-."

Cora trailed off, watching as their faces got even redder.

"We didn't do anything." Emma defended quickly.

"Oh really Emma? Your nipples are doing that thing they do when you're thinking about Regina." Cora countered, making Emma look down at her breasts quickly and blush furiously.

"Oh you two did. Seriously, on the ride? You two decided to fuck like horny teens on a ride." Cora stated with an eye roll.

"It was Emma's idea." Regina muttered.

"Regina initiated it." Emma countered.

"I don't care who started what. You two got kicked off of that creepy ass ride for doing it. You couldn't wait till we were back on the ship?"

Regina mumbled something but Cora didn't catch it. A smirk graced her lips though as she realized that Regina's urges probably had something to do with a bun in the oven.

"Oh I get it. You're preggo so you're horny all the time. Kinky bitches." Cora concluded with a bright smile and shake of her head as she walked away.

"You're pregnant?" Emma asked with raised eyebrows, a hopeful look in her eyes.

"I don't think so dear, I was just sea sick on the boat." Regina stated sadly as they both glanced at her stomach. "I'll take a test when we get back to Storybrooke."

Emma gave a sad nod before a smirk graced her features.

"So you didn't get to finish before." Emma stated with a waggle of her eyebrows.

"Emma we can't ditch the family."

"Yes we can, we're quick, they will hardly miss us." Emma tried again, pulling out her puppy dog eyes.

"Alright alright, fine. Let's go before they see us." Regina ushered as they snuck off and away from the family.

"Has anyone seen Hook lately?" Cora asked the group, when they all shook their heads no Cora gave a sigh, "Perhaps we should go and look for him."

The group nodded their agreement before setting off towards the pirate ship in the distance, no one commented on Emma and Regina sneaking off, considering the fact that they all knew why they were sneaking off in the first place.

"He should be around here somewhere." Cora muttered as she surveyed the area.

"Do you hear that noise?" Snow asked the group, all of them listening closely and then turning their eyes to the sound.

Hook and Jack came barreling around a corner, arms flailing as they ran, with a large group of women chasing after them.

"YOU CAN HOIST MY SAILS ANY DAY CAPTAIN!" One woman called out, making Jack and Hook share a look.

"Who was she talking to?" Hook asked as they ran.

"No idea mate, but there isn't enough rum in this land to get me to sail that ship." Jack countered before ushering Hook onto the ship and hiding out.

"Great. Fucking pirates always getting into trouble." Cora grumbled before walking towards the group. "Alright ladies, back it up, nothing to see here."

Cora yelled out to the group of women, making them turn and look at her.

"Captain Cora!" A woman pointed out, making some of them give collective "ohs".

"She's the captain of our armada!" The woman cried out.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Cora yelled happily.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Came the response.

"This family." Henry muttered with a laugh before he spotted a cute girl that look his age, nearby. He gave a smirk to himself and smoothed his hair back before walking over.

"Hi." Henry said to the girl as he approached, "I'm Henry."

"Emily." The girl responded with a smile, "You're the Swan Queen's kid right?"

Henry gave a chuckle and nodded.

"That's so cute. Your mom's look good together." Emily commented, making Henry smile. "Although I have to say, I think that your blonde mother look pretty good with that Pirate Hook though."

Henry gave a blank stare at the girl in front of him before turning around and slowly walking over to his Nana and her recent armada troops.

"Nana."

"Yes Henry?"

"She ships Captain Swan."

Cora's eyes landed on the young girl, staring at them in confusion.

"Snow." Cora called, not taking her eyes off of the young girl as the brunette approached. "Take care of it."

Snow gave a firm nod before giving a shrill whistle. The area became quiet and the flapping of wings could be heard in the distance, a dozen blue birds flew into view as Snow gave another whistle and pointed to the girl. The birds zeroed in on her and started to chase her as she ran off screaming and jumped into the nearby water.

"Well done Henry. Weeding out the traitors to the cause." Cora gave him a firm pat on the back before retreating inside the ship to get Hook.

When Cora entered, Hook and Jack were sitting at a table with two empty bottles of rum, and playing cards.

"Ah! Here she is mate, this is Cora, the Captain of our cause."

"Pleasure to meet you lass. Hook here has told me quite a lot about you. Sit down, join us in a game." Jack said with a smile as he poured her a drink.

**Some time later…**

"Yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me!" The trio sang loudly and clanked glasses, downing the rest of their rum.

"I have to say mate, this one here swears like a pirate, and she drinks like one too." Jack said with a smirk as he clanked glasses with her again.

"You aren't so bad yourself Jack. You should come back to Storybrooke with us, we could use a new addition to the cause."

"Can't love, the open sea is it for me." Jack replied.

"Cora?" Snow's voice echoed, "We need to get going, they're ushering the cruise ship passengers back on board."

"Be right there!" Cora called. "Are you sure Captain?"

"Positive love, but I will try and come visit when I can, and Hook. I will help you find your ship yet mate."

Cora bid the man farewell and headed back outside with Hook in tow, their group coming together once more as they began to walk.

"Where's Regina and Emma?" Snow asked as she looked around the group.

"They scampered off to have sex." Cora answered with a shrug.

"Didn't need to know that." Charming piped up.

"Don't be such a prude Charming. Your daughter handles herself well enough."

"Still don't need to know."

"I mean from what I had heard before I moved out, your daughter was really sticking it to mine pretty good."

"Nope."

"But then again, Emma has taking her fair share of pounding too."

"Please stop."

"You should hear them. Dear god. They sound like animals."

"Fuck my life."

"Hey guys!" Emma's voice called out as her and Regina approached, both of them wearing bright smiles of content.

"You two done fucking now?" Cora asked with a raised eyebrow, smirking when they both blushed a deep red.

"Let's get back on board shall we?" Regina suggested, her voice going up an octave as they boarded the ship once more.

"Sir I am going to have to examine your jar." The security guard said to Hook, making the group pause and look at the jar they hadn't noticed he was holding.

"No."

"Sir I need to-."

"No." Hook said again, clutching the jar tightly.

"Sir-."

"NO! MY JAR MINE!"

"The fuck?" Cora blurted out as she watched Hook run away from the security guard.

"SIR PUT DOWN THE JAR!"

"HOOK FOR GOD SAKE WHAT IS IN THE DAMN JAR!" Cora called after the men.

"I got a jar of dirt, I got a jar of dirt, and you don't know what's in it." Hook taunted as he danced and held the jar above his head proudly.

"SIR HAND OVER THE JAR!"

Hook stopped running and turned to the family.

"I will see all of you back home. Until then loves." Hook saluted before jumping overboard with his jar of dirt.

"HOOK!" The group yelled as they ran to the side of the boat, looking over and trying to catch a sign of Hook.

"There!" Snow cried out, pointing ahead.

"Well shit." Cora muttered with a smirk as she watched Captain Jack Sparrow steer the Black Pearl into view as Hook swam to it, climbing on board.

He gave a wave and the group returned it.

"Is that Jack Sparrow?" Charming asked, recalling seeing the movies.

"CAPTAIN!" The group replied tersely as they waved at the departing ship.

"I got you something." Regina whispered in Emma's ear, drawing her attention.

"What?" Emma asked with a smirk as her eyes flickered down to Regina's lips.

"Nothing for that dear." Regina replied, "Close your eyes."

Emma did as instructed and she felt Regina pull her hands forward, she then felt something fluffy being pressed into her hands.

"Open them." Regina instructed, smirking proudly when Emma's eyes widened.

"POOH! HOLY FUCKING SHIT YOU BOUGHT ME A STUFFED HUNK OF FLUFF FOR MY VERY OWN!" Emma yelled excitedly before attacking her wife with kisses as Regina giggled.

"They may be kinky bitches Henry, but they are cute kinky bitches." Cora told her grandson with a smirk.

"Yeah they sure are."

* * *

**A/N: Hope you all liked this chapter as well. Don't forget to review!**


	24. SPIT

 

**Here's the newest chapter everyone.**

**Quick description,**

**Italics represent video**

**Bold represents descriptions**

**Normal is present.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing from Once or quotes I used from the Tumblr gifset.**

**Hope you all enjoy this chapter. I got the idea off of a post on Tumblr that was created by Bonestrewn. Sorry for any confusion prior! All credit for quotes goes to that Tumblr user :)**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

* * *

Cora sat on the couch in her apartment, entranced by the television show that she was currently watching. There was something called a 'marathon' happening in which this show aired all weekend long, morning into the night and then into the morning once more.

Needless to say, Cora had been up for 36 hours straight so far, and she couldn't bear to take her eyes off of the screen. Ruby had called a few times but she hadn't answered, the same went for Regina and Emma but she assumed they would just think she was busy with Ruby and she would get back to them when she wasn't preoccupied.

"No. Don't go in that room!" Cora yelled at the TV, throwing a handle full of popcorn at the screen.

" _If there is anyone here, talk to us. We mean you no harm. Send us a sign."_ The man's voice flitted from the screen as Cora watched, unblinking, as she shoved a handful of popcorn into her mouth… rather ungracefully.

A loud noise echoed from the TV, making the man and his crew on the screen jump in fright.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!" Cora screamed, flinging her hand out and causing her popcorn bowl to go flying across the room.

"Cora?" She heard Ruby's tentative question from outside her apartment door, followed by some soft knocks.

"JESUS HAVE YOU PEOPLE LEARNED NOTHING FROM THE LAST HOUSE YOU VISITED!? SHIT. GETS. REAL!" Cora yelled at the TV, waving her hands frantically.

Her apartment door opened and Ruby entered, softly shutting the door behind her as she made a beeline for her blinds, quickly opening them and exposing Cora to the bright morning sunlight.

A loud hiss erupted from Cora's mouth as the sunlight hit her, causing her to quickly duck underneath her blanket on the couch.

"For god sakes babe, you've been hauled up in here for like 36 freaking hours! What the hell have you been doing?" Ruby demanded, coming to sit next to her still hissing girlfriend.

"The sun!" Cora called from beneath the blanket, "it burns!"

"Last I checked you weren't a vampire." Ruby said with a chuckle before pouncing on the covered woman, pulling the blanket back to peer at her.

"I've been sitting in total darkness watching Ghost Hunters." Cora answered, her eyes meeting Ruby's.

"This entire time?!"

"Hey! Don't hate the fan, hate the show." Cora replied with a serious expression, "I think doing one of these… Ghost hunts, would be quite entertaining. We could have someone film it and everything! We could make our own show!"

"Cora you are ridiculous." Ruby teased with a smirk.

"Ruby I am serious. We can all go to a haunted house and interview each other. It will be wonderful!"

"Yeah? What's it gonna be called?"

"Storybrooke Paranormal Investigative Team… or S.P.I.T." Cora answered immediately.

"You thought about this didn't you."

"I don't need your hate Lucas."

* * *

"EMMA!" Regina screamed loudly from the bathroom, making her blonde wife groan from their bed.

"Whaaaaaaattt." Emma groaned out, covering her head with a pillow as she heard the bathroom door rip open and hit the wall.

"For fuck sake Emma wake up this is serious!" Regina yelled, ripping the covers off of her wife. Even through Emma's haze she could tell there was a hitch of excitement in the brunette's voice.

"I'm up I'm up, what is it?" Emma groaned as she lifted the pillow from her head.

Something small hit her chest and she looked down, rubbing the last remnants of sleep from her eyes as she glanced down at the offending object.

"Jesus Regina, it's too early for you to be throwing pregnancy tests at me and jesus YOU FUCKING PEED ON THIS AND NOW IT IS ON MY CHEST AND-" Emma's rant died off quickly as she saw the little positive strip, making her look up at her wife who had a beaming smile and watery eyes.

"I'm pregnant." Regina stated simply, the words practically whispered as she looked to the woman that helped create the tiny life growing inside her.

"You're pregnant." Emma repeated, her eyes blown wide before they shrunk in recognition and a bright smile graced her face. "We're going to have a baby!"

Regina let out a melodious laugh as Emma pulled her down onto her and began smothering her with kisses.

"I love you so much." Emma muttered as she placed kiss after kiss across Regina's face and then down to her stomach, kissing the very slightly bumped surface.

"We are having a magical baby." Regina murmured as she brought Emma's lips back to her own, their kisses becoming heated quickly as they basked in the glow of their love.

Their clothes were discarded quickly as they began to softly grind against each other, the room filled with sounds of their murmured words of love and groans of pleasure.

Until it was interrupted.

"Of for god sakes put some damn clothes on, this isn't a brothel!" Cora huffed out as she entered the room and quickly spun so her back faced the girls.

"MOTHER!"

"DAMNIT CORA!" The women shouted at the same time as they hastily covered their bodies with the sheets, the pregnancy test going flying towards Cora in the process.

"What is this contraption?" Cora asked as she picked up the object, examining it.

Her eyes widened as she realized that it was in fact a pregnancy test, and it did in fact confirm Regina's pregnancy. Cora slowly turned to face the beaming and blushing women, a mask of pure shock on her own face.

"Baby?" Cora asked tentatively, holding up the stick.

"Baby." Regina confirmed with a watery smile.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cora shrieked out, quickly running and jumping on top of the two women.

"MOTHER!"

"A BABY REGINA! YOU FINALLY ARE GIVING ME A MAGICAL BABY GRANDCHILD! THIS IS THE BEST FUCKING DAY EVER!" Cora yelled loudly as she hugged her daughter and daughter-in-law.

"She seems happy." Emma commented with a laugh as Cora calmed down and sat back to regard the two women.

"Mother, what are you doing here exactly? You sort of interrupted myself and Emma's celebration."

"Oh right, well I have this idea-."

"No." Both Regina and Emma answered at the same time.

"You didn't even hear it!"

"We don't need to." Regina replied smoothly.

"It's gonna get me in trouble, whatever it is." Emma mumbled.

"It will not!" Cora replied with a huff. "Anyways my idea is that we round up our friends and go on a haunted house, ghost hunting trip."

Regina just stared blankly at her mother.

"A what now?"

"That. Is. AWESOME!" Emma squealed, "Awww Regina can we do it can we can we pleeeeaaaasseeeee!?"

Emma began begging, resting her head on her wife's shoulder and giving her the best puppy eyes she could muster.

A roll of the brunette's eyes told Emma that they would participate, making the blonde give a fist pump in victory.

"So where are we going?" Regina asked with a smirk.

"The old McDonald farm." Cora answered quickly, making Emma give a confused stare.

"Old McDonald? As in E, I, E, I, O?" Emma asked.

"Precisely. Word is that the man went batshit crazy with all of those animals of his and sang that horrid song until his death." Cora said darkly, making Emma gulp and Regina give an eye roll.

"And who all is participating?" Regina asked.

"I have already spoken to everyone else and they are all in. So we have myself, you, Emma, Ruby, Granny, Snow, and Hook on camera." Cora answered with a smile.

"Camera?" Regina asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes and we will be filmed and we will be known as S.P.I.T. which stands for Storybrooke Paranormal Investigative Team." Cora finished with a proud smirk.

"This is gonna be a shit show." Regina muttered as she fell back on the bed.

* * *

"Alright let's get ready to move out people!" Cora called to her crew as they finished loading the Mystery Machine.

"Cora where did you get this van?" Emma asked in awe as she continued to load.

"Off of the gang, why do you ask?"

"And they just allowed you to borrow it?" Emma asked as she touched the famous van.

"I gave Shaggy some weed, he and Scooby will be preoccupied with their activities." Cora replied flippantly as she walked away.

"That's everything Cora." Granny stated as she and Ruby patted the back of the van doors.

"You got your shit White Chocolate?" Cora asked, turning to the pixie haired brunette.

"Affirmative." Snow replied as she patted her stuffed bunny rabbit hanging from her fanny pack.

"I can't believe I am related to her." Emma muttered to her wife who merely snickered in response.

"Alright gang… Let's move out. Hook in the back of the van?" Cora asked as she hopped into the drivers seat.

"All set love!" Hook called out.

The group made their way towards the Old McDonald farm; it was only seven o'clock, allowing the group to get there in a decent amount of time to set up their equipment and scope out the property.

"This is the place?" Emma asked as she squeezed her wife's hand.

"This place is fucking creepy." Ruby chimed in as she peered out the window.

The group parked outside of the old farmhouse and stepped out of the Mystery Machine, unloading the van quickly and making their way into the abandoned home.

"You can practically smell the death, lingering in the air like a haunting melody, the song starting out nice and soft before it will eventually crest and break, ending in a shattering note that will shake your world and tear you apart, all within a single a night." Granny said darkly, making everyone stop what they were doing to stare at the woman.

"Calm down there Edgar Allen Poe." Cora stated as she held out her hand before moving on to the rooms.

The group split briefly just to check their surroundings before regrouping in the living room to receive their orders.

"Alright. Here's what's up everyone. We need to split into groups. Since we have an odd number and Ruby decided to be a pussy and get out of actually hunting, she will be stationed here in the living room watching over everyone's individual cameras and EMF readers on the computer screens." Cora began, pointing to where Ruby was unpacking her gear.

"Granny and I will be one group, Emma and Regina the other, and Snow and Hook in the last. There are three areas to cover in the house; the upstairs, the basement, and the old barn and field where McDonald lost his E, I, O's." Cora instructed, "Granny and I will take the upstairs, Emma and Regina the basement, and Snow and Hook get the barn. Any questions?"

"I believe we are set." Regina muttered to her mother as she helped Emma with her personal camera that would show both her face and surroundings.

"Perfect. Once Ruby gives us the go ahead we can take our positions. It's best to wait until nightfall though, which is in precisely 15 minutes." Cora told the group, urging everyone forward to put their hands in a circle.

"Is this really necessary?" Regina asked with a sigh.

"WE ARE A TEAM SASSGINA! YES THIS IS FUCKING NECESSARY!" Cora yelled as she urged her daughter to place her hand in with everyone else.

"So are we doing a chant of some sort?" Hook asked his Captain, eyeing the hands in the middle.

"I came up with the perfect thing." Cora answered giddly, "When I say S.P.I.T. you say S.P.I.T.! S.P.I.T.!" Cora chanted, urging everyone to repeat.

"S.P.I.T." The group replied, only Hook and Granny replying enthusiastically.

"S.P.I.T.!" Cora cried before spitting right onto the group of hands, a bright smile on her face.

No one moved for a minute, just allowing this all to sink in.

"You did NOT just spit on our hands." Regina stated with disgust before wrenching her hand from the pile and magicking everyone else's hands clean.

* * *

"I got the popcorn." Ruby stated proudly as she plopped down on the couch next to Cora.

Their hunting excursion went off well enough, and Cora insisted on having every aspect recorded and put on a DVD for them all to enjoy, complete with interviews. Now they settled down to watch their trip.

The room was silent as it began to play, the group watching intently as the S.P.I.T. logo came up on the screen that Ruby created.

"That logo looks like shit." Emma mumbled to her wife, receiving a smack on the back of the head from Ruby.

" _It's really fucking dark." Cora muttered through her mic as she sat in one bedroom, Granny down the hall in the other._

" _Yeah I can't see a damn thing." Granny's reply came through the feed._

**Emma and Regina, Investigators.**

" _I swear to Oz if I trip and fall…" Regina trailed off, sitting down with a huff._

" _Can't trip if you aren't walking." Emma muttered. "OW! What was that for!?"_

" _Hey how about you two bitches shut up, you'll scare the ghosts away!" Cora's voice flitted over the mic, making the women grumble._

**Snow and Hook, Investigators and Camera Person.**

" _Animals used to live here Hook." Snow muttered as they walked towards the barn. Hook's camera trained on Snow in front of him._

" _Yes, well, now they are dead and we are traipsing through an old haunted property!" Hook replied, a waver in his voice. "BLOODY HELL WHAT WAS THAT!?_

_The camera shook quickly, falling to the ground with a thud._

" _It was just a branch!" Snow replied with a huff, making Hook grumble as he picked up the muddy camera._

**Cora and Granny, Investigators.**

" _I can't take anyone anywhere." Cora muttered to herself in the dark room, before pulling out her voice recorder and clicking it on. "Is there anyone in this room with me?"_

_Silence filled the room and the camera paned to Granny._

" _If you can hear us, give us a sign." Granny urged, her eyes glowing in the night vision._

_A scraping noise echoed throughout the hallway._

" _HOLY FUCK DID YOU HEAR THAT!?" Cora screamed into her mic._

" _Maybe it was a mouse." Granny replied, her ears on high alert._

" _Fuck fuck fuck."_

**Emma and Regina, Investigators.**

" _Emma what on earth are you-?"_

" _We didn't get to finish celebrating earlier." Emma murmured as she straddled her wife's lap, planting kisses over her neck._

"Oh for fuck sake you kinky bitches." Cora groaned out as she watched the screen, receiving a slap from her daughter-in-law.

"Shut up." Emma grumbled as she sat back and continued to watch.

" _Wait Emma. What was that?" Regina whispered, pausing Emma's ministrations as they listened._

_Suddenly a shadow moved quickly across the screen._

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?" Cora yelled in horror as she pointed and watched, the whole room gasping.

" _Did you hear that?" Emma whispered, both women looking around the dark room but their eyes landing on nothingness._

" _I'm sure it was nothing." Regina assured, rubbing soothing circles on Emma's arms._

" _No babe… You don't understand." Emma began, but a loud bang from the room made her scream like a little girl and cling to Regina like a kitten trying to avoid a bath. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?" Emma screamed out and the sudden movement caused the girls to topple backwards._

* * *

**Emma Swan-Mills (Investigator and White Knight) Interview.**

" _I guess you could say that I am the leader of the group." Emma began with a cocky smirk. "I am the White Knight after all, and I have to protect my Queen no matter what."_

"Please. She screamed the whole time." Regina scoffed as she watched, earning a pinch from her wife.

* * *

**Snow and Hook, Investigators and Camera Person.**

" _Snow. This is really freaking me out." Hook whispered as they approached the barn, the camera shaking as they opened the doors and entered the abandoned building._

" _Think of all the animals Hook."_

" _Snow will you shut up about the bloody animals?! They are dead!"_

" _THEY HAD FAMILIES HOOK!"_

" _Yes well now they and their family is dead and gone, served them real well that did." Hook replied as the camera scanned the room._

" _Why don't you take the outside field so you don't freak out so much?" Snow suggested, her eyes glowing big and bright in the camera._

" _That sounds good to me, yeah. Less scary out there." Hook muttered as he exited the barn._

" _We're all alone now." Snow sing songed to the room._

"What. The actual. Snickerdoodle." Cora stated blankly as she glanced to Snow. "ARE YOU SOME SORT OF FUCKING DEMON!"

"Cora, shut up!" Ruby scolded, swatting at her girlfriend.

* * *

**Snow White (AKA White Chocolate) Interview.**

" _Why did I join the team? … No idea." Snow stated honestly before looking down and then continuing hesitantly, "Cora can be… very persuasive." Snow finished, holding up her stuffed rabbit and petting it for comfort._

* * *

**Cora and Granny.**

" _This is fucking freaky." Cora whispered through the mic._

" _Probably McDonald's wife." Granny answered, suspicion heavy in her voice._

" _Why do you say that?"_

" _Because you're sitting in her room and that woman was damn possessive. I wouldn't be surprised if she got pissed that you are in there."_

_Silence encased the women._

_Suddenly one of the drawers opened from the dresser near Cora, causing the woman to scream loudly and lash out with magic._

" _Damnit Cora! Mrs. McDonald hated magic!" Granny scolded, making Cora whimper._

" _I'm sorry Mrs. Mc- HOLY FUCK WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT NOPE NOPE NOPE I AM DONE!" Cora yelled before dashing from the room._

* * *

**Cora (Captain of the SQ Armada and Pain in the ass) Interview.**

" _I don't know what happened. It just got really cold and clammy and it felt like someone touched me. I just couldn't stay in that room any longer." Cora began, sitting regally in her chair as she reflected on the moment._

" _You know Emma referred to herself as the leader of the group?" Ruby asked, her voice flitting from behind the camera._

" _WHAT?! THAT PESKY BLONDE IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT THE LEADER OF THIS TEAM! BITCH CAN'T EVEN TWERK!" Cora yelled, huffing and standing from her seat._

* * *

**Emma and Regina.**

" _Babe I'm scared." Emma whimpered as she continued to cling to Regina's form._

" _Emma there is nothing to be afraid of. Ghosts are harmless."_

" _How do you know?"_

" _I had a ghost as a friend when I was four." Regina answered with a small shrug._

" _Who the fuck did I marry?"_

" _Excuse you?"_

" _My wife was friends with a ghost?! How fucked up was that!" Emma exclaimed, hopping off of Regina's lap._

" _Well excuse me for being a lonely child!" Regina huffed out and stormed out of the room, the camera lens following her movement thanks to Ruby._

" _You better not be fucking recording this!" Regina yelled out as she disappeared from sight._

* * *

**Regina Swan-Mills (Former Evil Queen and not a Porn Star) Interview.**

" _I'm not used to have the cameras on me. Emma and I have had disagreements in the past where she's wanted to film us having sex but… I'm camera shy." Regina admitted to Ruby, shooting an anxious glare at the camera._

* * *

**Snow and Hook.**

" _You're fine mate. No ghosts out here. No one can hurt you." Hook mumbled to himself as he walked near the pasture, the camera panning the whole field before he turned the camera towards himself._

" _So I am currently outside of the barn, walking near the field and it is piss dark outside, can't see a bloody thing." Hook told the camera, his eyes briefly flicking up to keep an eye out before moving back to the camera, "Snow is inside the barn, probably bonding with some dead animals or something. I can't believe I let Cora talk me into this." Hook muttered as he continued._

_He paused briefly, getting his bearings._

" _So anyways- OH MY CAPTAIN MORGAN WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THAT THING!?" Hook screamed out before he took off at a run, hopping over the fence and dropping the camera. A shadowy figured closely behind him as he grabbed the camera and continued to run, making a beeline for the house, screaming like a little girl the entire way._

* * *

**Captain Killian Jones (AKA Hook, Pirate extraordinaire and pansy) Interview.**

" _Captain Jack Sparrow never had to put up with this shit." Hook muttered, waving his hook in the air, "Sure he dealt with pirate zombies and what have you but this… this is on a totally different level mate."_

* * *

**Snow.**

" _If there are any animals in here, please make yourselves known to me." Snow asked politely as she took a seat in the center of the barn, her eyes looking around as her personal camera focused on her face._

_Snow's eyes focused on something in the distance, a tiny smile breaking out on her face as she eyed the creature that was near the entrance of the barn._

" _Well hello there little guy." Snow started softly, cooing at the animal. She flipped her camera around so it could focus on the white apparition._

_Suddenly the bunny's head fell off, making Snow give a blood-curdling scream._

**Cora and Granny.**

" _I couldn't sit in there by myself anymore." Cora muttered as she sat on the bed, her eyes seeking out Granny's hidden form._

" _Damn ghosts." Granny mumbled._

" _Are you sure that's what it was?"_

" _No idea. Could've been a demon for all I know." Granny replied suspiciously, her bright eyes searching the room._

" _A demon?"_

" _Yeah a demon. Gotta watch out for those bad boys. If that's the case here we will have to call in the Winchester's and have them take care of it." Granny replied as she leaned back in her chair in the corner._

" _Let's hope it doesn't come to NOT THE DUTCH PEOPLE!" Cora screamed, the camera showing the small dutch people that flashed in and out of view, "IT ISN'T A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL YOU LITTLE FUCKERS!"_

" _It's starting."_

* * *

**Widow Lucas (AKA Granny and First Mate of the SQ armada and badass) Interview.**

" _I've seen some shit." Granny stated bluntly before taking a drag of her cigarette._

* * *

**Emma and Regina.**

" _Baby come back!" Emma cried out as she darted through the dark rooms, eventually running into a body and grasping on to it._

" _There you are I have been looking everywhere down here!" Emma whimpered as she hugged the body tighter, her eyes opening in shock as the camera zoomed in, "You aren't Gina."_

" _No." The voice growled out, making Emma scream like a little girl before she took off running, tripping over various boxes before the camera panned out to show her stumble into Regina's waiting arms._

" _Shhh I have you it's alright." Regina soothed, magicking lights on in the basement so Emma could calm down._

* * *

**Emma Swan-Mills (Traumatized) Interview 2.**

_The camera panned in on Emma's far away gaze, her green orbs slowly meeting the camera lens once more._

" _Never-a fucking-gain. You hear that Cora?" Emma asked the camera before shaking her head._

* * *

**Snow.**

_Snow sat huddled in a corner of the barn; her camera trained on her face as tears streamed down, broken sobs escaping her lips._

" _I'm freaking out." She whimpered. "They took Mr. Carrot."_

_Snow broke into another fit of sobs._

" _What if I never see him again?" She asked the camera as she cried, before her eyes trained on something. "No. Please. No more. NOT AGAIN!"_

_She hit the button for the camera, flipping it to show what she was seeing._

_Mr. Carrot hanging from a rope in the barn._

* * *

**Snow White (Obsessed with animals) Interview 2.**

" _I got him back." Snow said shakily as she held up the worn and torn rabbit._

* * *

**The group.**

" _Well this was exciting. My wife is having a panic attack." Regina stated as she entered the living room, Emma clinging to her arm for dear life._

" _Please. Hook pissed himself." Ruby chimed in._

" _I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE!" Hook shrieked, shifting self-consciously on his feet._

" _I change my mind about this whole thing." Cora muttered as she entered the room, walking over to Ruby and falling into her arms._

" _I put a salt circle around this area. We should be safe." Granny said sternly as she eyed the room._

" _Anyone seen Snow?" Ruby asked as she continued to hug Cora._

_Everyone shook their heads no._

" _Aw fuck."_

**Daylight breaks and the group heads out to the barn to find Snow.**

" _Snow?" Regina called out tentatively as she and Granny, being the bravest two, enter the barn._

" _Shhh it's okay Mr. Carrot, mommies here." Snow cooed softly as she cradled the rabbit in her hands._

" _Snow?" Regina repeated as Granny pulled out a bottle of holy water._

" _They got Mr. Carrot Regina." Snow stated, holding up the stuffed rabbit that was now missing his head._

" _Ah damnit." Regina muttered as she looked at the stuffed animal._

* * *

**Dr. Hopper (AKA Archie. Got his PHd from a curse.) Interview.**

" _I have seen everyone who went on this ghost hunting trip. Some handled it better than others." Archie gave a light chuckle and paused, "Snow is still recovering from the loss of Mr. Carrot. The funeral was two days ago, she seems to be handling it all very well but only time will tell… And like I said before, I have seen everyone in the group."_

_Archie glanced down at his hands before looking back to the camera._

" _Cora you're paying the bill."_

* * *

**A/N: So there was the latest chapter. Don't forget to review.**

**Also anyone who reads my other story From Here To Kingdom Come, I don't know when I will be able to update next so just bear with me okay? I'm still swamped with school and stayed up to write this chapter for everyone.**


	25. The Holy Grail

 

**Here is chapter 25 everyone. I'm sorry about the wait. School was insane. But I am done now so I hope to update more frequently :)**

**This chapter is mainly Cora and Emma with some Swan Queen.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of Once OR Monty Python and the Holy Grail. All direct quotes are not mine.**

_**Yes. Monty Python and the Holy Grail. If you haven't seen this movie please go and watch it prior to reading the story because you will NOT get the jokes.** _

**But most people have seen it.**

**I hope...**

**Also please read the chapter and the ending Author's Note.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

* * *

"Emma you look like shit." Cora stated eyeing the blonde up and down. "The fuck happened to you?"

"Your daughter happened to me. Don't get me wrong, I love Regina but these fucking pregnancy hormones are killing me." Emma groaned out, rubbing her exhausted eyes.

"How so?" Cora asked, cocking her head to the side.

"Well one minute she will be all cute and loving and then it spirals into horny Regina, which is fine and I love, but then it spirals into angry Regina if I have literally one thing out of place in the house and she has cravings and gets sad because even though she isn't showing much she thinks she's getting fat which she isn't and I just I CAN'T KEEP HANDLING IT CORA I AM LOSING MY SHIT!" Emma yelled, finishing her rant and waving her hands.

"Why don't you and I have some bonding time again?" Cora asked after thinking for a moment.

"I can't leave Regina on her own." Emma groaned again, banging her head off of the table in front of her.

"You won't have to… I have an idea." Cora replied easily with a smirk.

Emma eyed Cora for a minute, eyebrows creasing together in suspicion.

"Whatchu thinkin bout Cora?" Emma asked suspiciously.

"Don't worry about it. I got it under control."

"Cora."

"Nope."

"Ugh. Fine." Emma groaned out again and leaned back in her chair, swiveling on the spot a little. "Let me know what you have in mind."

"Of course dear." Cora replied easily with a wave of her hand. "Sit back and I will take care of everything."

* * *

"Just take two drops of that and it should clear it right up." Blue told Sneezy, him giving a small grunt of gratitude as he exited the room.

"Hello Rachel." Cora said darkly, entering the room and smirking as Blue gasped and jumped, landing into the wall with a thud.

"C-cora." Blue stuttered out, eyes wide as she looked at the woman, "What're you doing here?"

"I need your assistance."

"And what makes you think I would even want to help you?"

Cora raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Because you won't have a choice." Cora said before preparing to swing. Blue caught the motion and blocked Cora's hit, smacking her in the face and buying her enough time to scamper away.

"FUCKING RACHEL TICE!" Cora yelled as she held her nose, watching Blue's retreating figure.

She gave a wave of her hands and disappeared into a puff of smoke, reappearing near Blue and causing the woman to shriek before running off again, Cora hot on her tail.

"COME BACK HERE YOU BLASTED FAIRY!"

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" Blue yelled out before rounding a corner.

"THAT CAN BE ARRANGED!" Cora yelled back as she tried to pick up her pace, running quicker and making a dive for Blue.

"GET OFF OF ME YOU OLD DERANGED BAT!" Blue shrieked, trying to fight Cora off but instead the woman pinned Blue to the ground.

"Now listen here Rachel, you can either shut up and take this potion or I can sell your organs on the black market. So what's it gonna be?" Cora asked Blue with a smirk.

Blue's eyes widened as she glanced at the potion and gave a groan of acceptance, making Cora smirk triumphantly.

"Why do you need me to take this potion?" Blue asked as she gulped it down.

"I just need to borrow your body for awhile." Cora replied flippantly.

"Wait wha-." Blue began but fell backwards with a thud, unconsciousness claiming her.

"Well that was easy." Cora muttered to herself as she magically poofed a sled behind her, lifting Blue onto it before beginning to pull her down the street.

She whistled as she walked, Blue's unconscious body gliding behind her on the sled.

"Captain?" Granny's voice rang out, a hint of confusion in it as she approached the women.

Cora froze in her tracks, turning to give a sheepish smile to the older woman.

"Oh goddamnit Cora not again!" Granny huffed out, waving her arms at Blue's unconscious form.

"EMMA AND I HAVE PLANS OKAY?!"

"Do these plans involve unconscious fairies?"

"OBVIOUSLY! Why the fuck else would I have fucking Rachel Tice unconscious on a sled?" Cora demanded, a hand on her hip in defiance.

"Alright just don't let Regina find out." Granny warned.

"Let Regina find out what?"

Both women froze where they stood, Cora's eyes bulging to the size of golf balls as she took in the form of her daughter behind Granny.

"She's right behind me isn't she?" Granny asked with a small groan.

"Mother why is Blue unconscious on a sled?" Regina asked, a hint of disapproval in her voice as her hand rested on the slightly protruding baby bump.

"Nothing to concern yourself with darling, Armada business." Cora replied smoothly before walking to her daughter, "Now how is my little cupcake?"

Her attention turned to the magical baby growing in Regina's womb, her hand coming out and resting on a slightly swollen belly.

"Still growing." Regina commented softly, she still couldn't believe that she was pregnant with Emma's child. It seemed so surreal and the thought still brought tears to her eyes.

"Well Nana has to go and deal with the pesky fairy but you keep on growing cupcake." Cora cooed to Regina's stomach, lightly kissing it before giving her daughter a hug.

* * *

"Goddamnit what is this bitch made out of?!" Cora huffed as she hauled Blue's ass from the sled and sat her on the ground.

"Are you sure you want to do this again?" Jefferson asked the woman, eyeing Blue's unconscious form.

"Emma is stressing a little. She wasn't around to take care of Henry as a baby and now that Regina is preggo and has one on the way, Emma is slightly frazzled because she doesn't want to fuck up." Cora explained as she dragged Blue across the ground into the center of the yard.

"And this has to do with Rachel how?"

"Because I need to go through the portal and need a body to take with me. Well actually I need two…" Cora trailed off, looking at Jefferson expectantly.

"Oh no. No. I am not going unconscious through the hat just so you can have your kicks." He stated firmly.

"Don't make me kick your ass Jefferson." Cora replied with a glare, making the man huff before reluctantly agreeing.

"Spin it."

* * *

**The Other World...**

"I did not miss this place." Cora grumbled as she waltzed away from the dock and began taking back alleyways to get to the Mills Mansion.

Cora treaded carefully, not wanting anyone to see her as she headed to her destination. Finally she spotted the manor just ahead, as well as Emma out front having a rather loud yelling match with some man.

"Neal I don't want you! I am with Regina now!" Emma yelled loudly, shoving the man away from her with a snarl.

"Emma we can be together, as a family! You, me, and Henry!" Neal replied, his eyes pleading with her to see reason.

"I'm sorry Neal, but you're about 10 years too late for that." Emma stated firmly.

"Is there a problem here?" Cora asked, her voice dangerous as she came to a stop behind Neal.

The man spun around quickly, a look of fear flashing across his face.

"C-Cora." He spluttered out.

"Why do you seem so… Oh that's right I'm dead." Cora groaned loudly, "This stupid fucking dimension. UGH! It infuriates me so much."

"Cora what are you doing here?" Emma asked, confusion on her face, "Oh my god is everyone in the other world alright? Oh my god is Regina okay? Am I okay? Oh god we aren't dead are we?!"

"Woah." Cora said putting her hands up, "Pump the brakes, put it in reverse, and back it up a little."

Neal raised an eyebrow at the woman.

"You are fine. Regina is fine. Henry is fine. We are all fine." Cora said slowly, "I just came because I require you and Regina's assistance."

"Oh. Sure thing what do you need?"

"Perhaps we should speak inside?" Cora asked, shooting Neal a glare.

"Of course." Emma agreed, turning her back on Neal and gesturing for Cora to follow.

"You say another word to her to try and break her and my daughter up and I will personally cut off that noodle you try to pass off as a dick and feed it to you." Cora threatened, making Neal gulp before backing away slowly.

"Shoo!" Cora spat out, a smirk on her face as she watched the man turn tail and run, "Pussy."

She quickly ran up the stairs of the porch and into the house, following Emma into the living room.

"Baby we have a guest!" Emma called out, dropping into a chair as Cora stood in the middle of the living room.

"Who is it? I certainly hope it isn't that sorry excuse for a man that calls himself-." Regina trailed off as she entered the room, her eyes landing on Cora. "Mother?"

Her voice was small and her eyes began to water slightly.

"Why are you-?... Oh right because I'm fucking dead. GOD I HATE THIS DIMENSION!" Cora fumed slightly before walking to her daughter and embracing her.

"What are you doing here?" Regina asked, her voice cracking with emotion as she returned the embrace.

"Well I thought it would be good to check in on you two and I require your assistance." Cora said as she guided Regina to sit next to her on the loveseat.

"Of course." Regina replied easily.

"Well I have some good news. You're pregnant." Cora said with a bright smile.

Both women stayed silent, their eyes wide as they looked at each other.

"H-How?" Regina stuttered out.

"Well with the amount of sex you two have I'd hardly say it's a surprise… well that and the fact that you have magic and finally gave me a magical baby." Cora replied with a smile.

"I got her pregnant?" Emma asked in surprise as she looked to her girlfriend.

"You sure did you sex fiend."

"Mother." Regina scolded before swallowing, "So what do you need from us?"

"Well Regina, it turns out that when you're eggo is preggo you are a total crazy woman. Apparently you go from lovey to horny to angry to sad so quickly that you would make the flash dizzy." Cora began, "And Emma is stressed out because she does everything for you because she's afraid she's gonna fuck something up big time and she needs a break. So her and I want to have some bonding time."

"What does this have to do with us?" Emma asked, glancing at her girlfriend and giving her a loving stare, which Regina returned.

"Alright, no eye fucking in front of me first of all." Cora started, "I was hoping you two would like to… babysit Regina?"

Regina and Emma stayed silent as they looked at Cora's hopeful smile.

"YOU WANT US TO BABYSIT ME!? I AM NOT A CHILD MOTHER!"

"Well no shit there Sherlock." Cora replied with a wave of her hand, "I just want someone there to keep her company while Emma has some much needed fun."

The two lovers shared a look again before nodding their consent.

"Alright that's settled. Go drop Henry off at White Chocolate's and meet me at the docks. We peacing." Cora said with a smile before poofing away.

* * *

**Back Home...**

"Dear have you seen my mother?" Regina asked as she entered the living room.

Emma stood and walked over to the women and wrapped her arms around her.

"No ma'am." She replied with a grin, eyes raking over her wife's face and stopping at her plump lips.

"Emma not now." Regina said with a giggle as Emma began nipping at her neck.

"Why not? Henry is with my parents, your mom is MIA, we have the house to ourselves…" She trailed off as she continued to kiss down Regina's neck, sucking lightly on the flesh.

"Well when you put it that way." Regina murmured in approval as she brought Emma's face back to hers, latching onto her lips in a passionate kiss.

Emma's hands began wandering over Regina's body; stopping at her ass and giving it a firm squeeze while Regina's groped at her breasts.

"Should we go upstairs?" Regina asked breathlessly as Emma continued her assault on her neck.

"Too far." Emma mumbled as she ripped Regina's shirt off, lips ghosting over the newly exposed flesh.

"I'm assuming they are in- OH FOR FUCK SAKE KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS YOU KINKY ASS BITCHES!" Cora huffed out as Emma and Regina sprang apart.

"MOTHER!" Regina growled out as she turned her back to put her shirt back on.

"Damnit Cora!" Emma grumbled before her eyes landed on their doubles. "Um… baby?"

"Yes dear?" Regina asked, turning around and finishing the last few buttons, still not looking up.

Emma poked her wife's arm and then pointed, Regina's eyes following the trail and stopping on their duplicates.

"Well hello." Regina greeted with a curious look, "Mother, care to explain?"

"Yeaaaaaaaahhh about that… No." Cora dragged out. "Have fun you kids, bye!"

Cora waved her hand, engulfing herself and Emma in a puff of smoke and disappearing, leaving Regina, Gina, and Em in the room together.

"Well how about I make us some tea and you two can fill me in on what shenanigans my mother is planning." Regina said as she gestured to the kitchen and walked off, the other two following behind.

* * *

"Regina is going to be pissed."

"Oh nonsense. She'll be fine." Cora answered before retrieving the hat from Jefferson's closet that she was looking for.

"Oh no. No. No portal hopping Cora."

"Oh will you loosen up you pansy!" Cora scolded, "We are going on an adventure and you are going to fucking like it."

Emma groaned as she followed Cora from the room and out to the backyard.

"Where are we going?"

"No idea. I picked the random hat. You give it a spin and it tosses you somewhere." Cora replied with a shrug before spinning the hat and tossing it away from them.

"What if we get sent somewhere bad?!" Emma called over the roaring wind.

"What if we make the butler mad?" Cora called back, not really hearing Emma.

"NO! What if we go somewhere bad!?"

"What if we get a cat?!"

"GODDAMNIT CORA!"

"CHUCK CHATMAN!?"

"UGH!"

"EMMA THIS IS HARDLY THE TIME FOR ELLEN REFERENCES!"

Emma threw her head back in frustration before pushing Cora into the portal and hopping in right behind her.

* * *

"Ow." Emma groaned as she picked herself up from the ground, just in time to watch Cora effortlessly Mary Poppins float down to the ground.

"Really dear you need to have more grace." Cora reprimanded before touching the ground, she took a look at their surroundings and noted where the portal was.

"Where are we?"

"A forest." Cora stated simply before grabbing onto Emma and pulling her away, "We need to get out of here so we know where we are."

The two began the walk, weaving in and out of trees, not hearing the rustling that was following them.

"Wait did you hear that?" Emma asked, coming to a halt and making Cora pause as well.

"Hear what?"

Another rustle echoed, this time louder, causing both women to spin around and face the empty woods.

"I must just be hearing things." Emma muttered before both women turned back around.

They screamed loudly as their eyes landed on the figures in front of them.

"Oh will you shut up? No need to scream so loudly." The tall figure scolded.

"Who are you?" Emma asked as she let go of Cora's arm.

"We are the Knights who saaaayyy… NI!"

"Well fuck me in the ass." Cora groaned, "WE FUCKING LANDED IN FUCKING CAMELOT!"

"Camelot as in King Arthur?" Emma asked with wide eyes.

"Yes the very same! Ugh fucking Camelot. Such a silly place."

"Well you aren't technically in Camelot." The Knight butted in.

"Well yes not technically. I assume we are on the outskirts of King Arthur's kingdom?" Cora asked.

"Indeed."

"Great jussssstttt great."

"What's so bad about Camelot?" Emma asked.

"You just wait and see. We're technically in the Enchanted Forest but King Arthur's Camelot is in a secluded section of the Forest… for good reason."

"Why's that?"

"…Because everyone here… is an idiot." Cora stated before looking back to the Knight.

"Alright then. Well if you Knights will excuse us we need to get going." Emma began with an uncertain smile.

"We cannot let you pass without receiving payment." The Knight stated.

"Ummmm what?" Emma asked with a raised eyebrow.

"What do you want for payment?" Cora asked with an eye roll.

"We want… A SHRUBBERY!"

Emma gave Cora a 'are you fucking serious' look as Cora gave another eye roll.

"Very well we will get you your shrubbery."

"A nice one. Not too small. But not too large."

"Okay okay."

"And not too scrawny."

"Okay."

"But not too fat."

"OKAY WE WILL GET YOU YOUR GODDAMN SHRUBBERY!" Cora yelled out in a huff before grabbing Emma and walking off. "Fucking Knights of Ni."

"Cora this is ridiculous."

"No shit Emma." Cora grumbled as they made their way through the forest, finally seeing a small town. "We need to find a shrubbery."

"Where?"

"No idea. We can just ask around." The two women started off for the town, eventually spotting some shrubbery.

"Do you sell the shrubbery?" Emma asked the old man.

"My name is Roger."

"I'm sorry?"

"Roger. My name is Roger." The man stated again.

"Um. Hi Roger… do you sell the shrubbery?"

"Roger the shrubber."

"What?"

"My name is Roger and I am a shrubber, it's my trade."

Emma just stared at the man.

"Listen here Roger the shrubber, we want one of your fucking shrubs for the Knights who say Ni!" Cora huffed out.

"Ahhhh don't say that word!"

"Ni?" Emma asked in confusion.

"Stop. It hurts!"

Emma gave Cora a look as Cora shook her head.

"I'll stop if you give us a shrubbery."

"Fine fine, take which ever you'd like. Just don't say those words again!"

Cora gave a triumphant smirk and picked up a nice shrubbery, whistling as she walked off.

Emma came to a stop next to the man and leaned in to his ear.

"Ni." She whispered and the man cringed before she gave a chuckled and ran after Cora.

They eventually made their way back to the Knights.

"Knights Who Say Ni, we have brought you your shrubbery." Cora called out.

The Knights appeared quickly and circled the women.

"We are now no longer the Knights Who Say Ni."

"Ni." One Knight piped up.

"Shhh." The other hushed.

"We are now the Knights who say… Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG, Zoom-Boing, Z'nourrwringmm."

Cora and Emma shared a look before Cora tossed them the shrubbery.

"There's your damn shrubbery and payment. Now may we have safe passage through these woods?"

"You may." The Knight answered as they went about examining the shrubbery.

"Okay let's get out of here." Cora said to Emma as they began trekking through the forest once more.

"Where are we going?" Emma asked as they walked.

"Not sure. But I hate Camelot. Stupid hat."

"Cora it can't be that bad." Emma reasoned as they finally broke free of the trees and spotted a castle up ahead. "Let's head there."

Cora gave a reluctant nod before they walked towards the castle, spotting a group of men dressed in armor outside of it, looking up to the top.

"Hello." Cora greeted, causing the men to turn around. "Oh fuck."

"Cora?" Arthur asked with a bright smile before engulfing her in a hug.

"You two know each other?" Emma asked in confusion as Arthur released his hold on her mother-in-law.

"Indeed! I knew Cora when I was but a young man, and she a beer wench."

A smirk spread across Emma's face as she slowly turned to face a blushing Cora.

"Is that so?"

"Oh it is! Quite the fine lover too if I might add, she did this thing with her tongue-."

"Okaaaayyyy that's enough Arthur!" Cora interrupted before clearing her throat and directing her attention to the Knights. "Lancelot, Galahad, Benevere, Robin, Bors."

"You know all of them?" Emma asked with wide eyes.

"She took a ride on all of us." Lancelot piped up, making Emma choke on air as Cora groaned.

"Cora!"

"WHAT EMMA, WHAT?! I WAS A WHORE OKAY ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!" Cora cried out, clearly frustrated.

"Was this… before you had Regina?"

"Yes this was long before I had Regina or met Rumple." Cora answered.

"Regina?" Arthur asked.

"My daughter…. The Evil Queen." Cora replied smoothly. All of the men gasped in fear.

"Wait you know of her?" Emma asked curiously.

"All who live here have heard of The Evil Queen and her Dark Curse. How did you survive?"

"It's a long story." Cora answered.

"Wait why didn't they get taken by the curse?" Emma asked pointing to the men.

"Regina got to pick who she wanted to bring… Would you really want these sods in Storybrooke?" Cora asked with a raised eyebrow.

"And who is this blonde beauty?" Arthur asked gesturing to Emma.

"This is my daughter-in-law. Emma Swan, daughter of Queen Snow and King Charming. She married Regina."

"No shit." Galahad piped up and gave Emma a high five.

"Oh and not to brag but… I'm a knight as well." Emma pointed out, rubbing her nails on her shirt.

"Are you really?" Robin asked with wide eyes.

"They call me the White Knight."

"Cocky bitch." Cora grumbled. "So what're you idiots doing standing beneath this castle?"

"We are on a quest for the Holy Grail! I have come to this castle filled with Frenchmen seeking the help of their lord." Arthur began before turning back to the castle and looking up at the Frenchman. "But someone is BEING ENTIRELY UNREASONABLE!"

"You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called 'Arthur King,' you and all your silly English K-nig-hts." The Frenchman taunted from above.

"Is there someone else up there we can talk to?" Galahad asked, looking up at the castle.

"No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time."

"Pleasant bastard isn't he." Cora muttered.

"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."

"Well that wasn't very nice." Emma called up.

"I merely want to speak to your lord!" Arthur called up once more as the Frenchman disappeared from view.

"FETCHEZ LA VACHE!" Came the cry from above as animals began raining down on the group.

"RUNAWAY!" Arthur called out as the group barreled away from the castle.

"Sir we need to press on away from this dreadful place!" Robin called as they continued to run off.

"Rightly so Sir Robin. Allow us to press on!" Arthur answered before stopping and turning to face Cora and Emma. "Would you ladies like to join us on our quest for the grail?"

"WE SURE WOULD!" Emma yelled, super excited about this idea while Cora gave a groan.

"Fine fine yes we would."

"Here you are Knight Swan." Arthur stated as he handed coconuts to Cora.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding." Cora grumbled as she took the coconuts.

"We ride!" Arthur cried as Patsy began banging the coconuts together, the other knights following suit.

"Well, tally ho Cora!" Emma cried as Cora grumbled and began to bang the coconuts together as they rode off.

"Where are we off to?" Bedevere asked the King as they "rode".

"We must continue the search for the grail, I have heard of a magnificent wizard that knows magic, he might be able to help us in our search." Arthur explained.

"You know that I have magic right Arthur?" Cora asked from behind as she continued to bang the coconuts.

"Indeed I do Cora. But this is a job for a wizard!"

"Don't come crying to me when you blow your balls off." Cora mumbled while Emma gave a snicker, continuing her gallop.

"I believe he can be found just over this ridge!" Arthur called back to his party as they galloped.

Suddenly an explosion of fire happened not fifty feet from them, startling the group, followed by another explosion.

"You who goes there!" Sir Bors called out as the group paused, watching as a man approached the group.

"Who are you who can summon fire without flint or tinder?" Arthur asked as the man continued to approach.

"There are some who call me... Tim." The man answered before examining the group, "Cora?"

"You know him too!?" Emma yelled, looking at her mother-in-law.

"Yes I do and before you ask yes I fucked him too okay!?" Cora growled out before looking back to Tim, "Hello Tim."

"Still as beautiful as ever Cora."

"That's very kind of you Tim. You still look like shit."

"You didn't think so when we took a roll in the hay."

"Yes well I was extremely drunk. I don't remember much from that night."

"I remember everything Cora." Tim said with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"How fortunate for you." Cora replied dryly.

"You have magic good sir?" Sir Robin broke in, interrupting the conversation.

"Indeed I do. Why do you ask?"

"We seek the Holy Grail!" Arthur stated proudly.

"Oh and who are you?"

"I am Arthur, King of the Brits and ruler of Camelot and all that is in it's kingdom."

"I never heard of you."

"But… what…"

"See. Idiots, idiots everywhere." Cora muttered to Emma, making the blonde snicker.

"I can see why Regina didn't bring them."

"I am your King!" Arthur stated.

"Yes well that's all good and lovely but I really don't give two shits. So what do you want me to do about your cup problem?"

"It is a grail! And it is Holy to our Lord!" Bedevere defended.

"It's a fucking cup." Tim stated plainly, making Cora chuckle.

"Yes well, think what you will… But do you know where it is?" Arthur asked the man.

"Indeed I do."

"Well that would have been nice to state when we first asked you." Galahad grumbled.

"You told me you seek it, not that you wanted to know if I knew where it was." Tim corrected before looking back at Arthur. "It is in a cave up ahead."

"Excellent. Take us to it." Arthur commanded.

"Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valor! For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel, that no man yet has fought with it... and lived! BONES of full fifty men lie _strewn_ about its lair! So! Brave knights! If you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth..." Tim told, making a gesture of the teeth with his hands.

"What an eccentric performance." Arthur replied before gesturing for Tim to lead the way.

The group moved towards the cave and quickly ducked behind the rocks.

"Where is this monster? I see no monster." Bedevere pointed out.

"Yeah Tim, where's your big scary monster?" Cora demanded as she scanned the area.

"There he is!" Time exclaimed, pointing ahead.

"Where?" Arthur asked, looking at the area as a rabbit came into view.

"There!" Time repeated, pointing ahead.

"What? Behind the rabbit?" Arthur asked incredulously.

"It _is_ the rabbit." Tim defended.

The entire group grew quiet.

"You're a fucking idiot." Cora stated plainly as she shook her head.

"You silly sod!" Arthur exclaimed.

"What?" Time asked.

"You got us all worked up!"

"Well that's no ordinary rabbit."

"Ohh."

"That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!"

"You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!" Robin exclaimed.

"You slept with pussies Cora." Emma pointed out.

"Yes well… I most certainly am sleeping with one now… if you get what I mean." Cora said with a wink making Emma chuckle.

"Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!" Tim exclaimed.

"Get stuffed!" Galahad called.

"He'll do you up a treat, mate." Tim stated.

"Oh, yeah?"

"You manky Scots git!" Robin exclaimed.

"I'm warning you!"

"What's he do? Nibble your bum?"

"He's got huge, sharp... er... He can leap about. Look at the bones!" Tim defended.

"Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!" Arthur instructed.

"I'm betting my money on the rabbit." Cora said pointedly.

"Fine. I'll take Bors then." Emma agreed, shaking hands with Cora as they watched.

"Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin' right up!" Bors called as he ran out to attack the rabbit.

Suddenly the rabbit leaped and tackled Bors, ripping his face and throat apart in a matter of seconds.

Arthur and his men let out inhuman girl shrieks while Cora and Emma's eyes widened.

"I bet even White Chocolate couldn't tame that shit." Cora muttered as they watched the blood pour from Bors.

"That is one killer rabbit." Emma muttered as Arthur and his men continued to flip out.

"I _warned_ you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you _knew,_ didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little BUNNY isn't it?" Tim mocked as he pointed to Bors lifeless body.

"What do we do now?" Robin asked Arthur.

"Too bad Snow wasn't here. I bet she could talk to that fluff ball." Cora muttered to Emma.

"Use your magic Tim!" Arthur called but Tim merely shook his head.

"No. You arrogant sods wanted to pass it off as a harmless rabbit. I am not helping."

"Please Tim!"

"On one condition."

"Name it!"

"…I get to see Cora's boobs."

"What?" Cora asked, eyebrows raised.

"It's been so long."

"I am not showing you my boobs."

"Then I am not helping."

"Cora just flash him." Arthur said.

"No."

"It's not like we are asking you to sleep with him!" Arthur defended making Cora grown before standing.

"Fine fine." She muttered as she unbuttoned her blouse, followed by yanking her bra down with an eye roll.

"They look just as I remember."

"We done now?" Cora asked as she pulled her bra back up and buttoned her blouse.

"Here. Use these." Time stated as he handed Arthur a box.

"What are these?"

"Are those grenades!?" Emma yelped as she looked at the explosives.

"Only way to take down that monster." Tim said darkly.

Cora and Emma shrugged before grabbing a grenade each, pulling the pin, and letting it fly as they bombed the rabbit.

Five grenades later, and sure they killed the monster, the group marched through the blown up rabbit guts and into the cavern.

"It shouldn't be much farther." Tim stated as they walked through the cavern, eventually seeing light at the end of the tunnel.

"It's so bright." Emma said in awe as they approached.

The group made it through the blinding light and came to a halt outside of the tunnel, only seeing more valleys and a half destroyed castle in the distance.

"Well… where the fuck is this grail?" Cora asked, arms crossed as she examined the area.

"IT SHOULD BE HERE!" Arthur exclaimed.

"Perhaps we made a wrong turn?" Robin asked.

"Well… this has been fun gentlemen." Cora began, "But we should be getting back. Have fun continuing your quest for your cup."

"GRAIL!" Arthur yelled.

"Whatever." Cora said with an eyeroll. "Let's go Emma."

Emma waved farewell to the men as Cora and she poofed from the area, reappearing next to their entrance to the portal.

"Let's get home. I'm sick of this place." Cora muttered as they passed through.

* * *

"So… I take it you and Emma are still doing quite well in the bedroom department?" Gina asked as she took a sip of her wine, making Em blush.

"Absolutely. Trust me, that is one thing that will never change." Regina answered with a chuckle, "That or our love for each other. As sappy as that sounds."

Em gave a bright smile as she looked to her girlfriend next to her.

"We should do this more often." Em stated, receiving a nod from the other two women.

"How is Cora getting you two through the portal?" Regina asked as she took a sip of her tea.

"Well the same number that go through have to come back so…" Gina trailed off, wondering who her mother could have taken through the portal.

"Oh shit." Regina muttered as she realized. "My mother took Blue through."

"Oh? But who else?" Gina asked.

"No idea. But I'll be sure to ask whenever she and my wife get back." Regina vowed with a firm nod.

"Baby we're back!" Emma called as she and Cora entered the house.

"Where did you two go?" Regina asked as she stood and walked to her wife, embracing her, "You smell like shit."

"We were in Camelot."

"With those idiots?" Both Regina's asked at the same time.

"Yeah, and I learned more about your mother than I needed to."

"Now you see why I hate Camelot." Cora grumbled as she took a seat.

"I guess we should be getting back to our dimension." Gina stated as she stood, helping Em up as well, "Henry is probably wondering where we are."

"Yeah, I'll get you two back." Cora said as she rose.

The women said their goodbyes and Cora exited the house with the group in tow, leaving Regina and Emma alone.

Once the door closed Regina pounced, pinning Emma against a nearby wall as she attacked her wife's neck.

"I have been wanting to fuck you all day since you left." Regina muttered as she continued her assault.

"I need a shower babe."

"That's fine. Shower sex it is." Regina panted as she ripped Emma's top off.

"Regina I forgot my HOLY HERA REGINA YOU CAN'T WAIT LIKE 5 GODDAMN MINUTES TO MAKE SURE I AM COMPLETELY GONE!" Cora yelled as she grabbed her keys to her apartment from the hallway table, storming out the door after.

Emma merely chuckled as she kissed her wife.

"Where were we?"

* * *

**A/N: First order of business: I recently received a message here on and was asked to include this in my next update. We have a fellow author in need, tempting faith, who is asking for everyone's help. Short story is that they need braces but the mom can't afford them, so raising money for it is the next option.**

**Help tempting faith out if you would like.**

**/project/16-years-of-pain-gone-in-6-months#/projec t_details**

**That's the link for everyone.**

**Now that's handled...**

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Once again, sorry for the wait. Reviews are welcomed and** **encouraged!**


	26. Down The Rabbit Hole

 

**A/N: Okay so here is the next chapter everyone. Regina is currently 3 months preggo at this point. :) Special thanks to Winterblazes and theevilqueenscully on Tumblr for the ideas of the next few chapters. A while ago they had been talking and somehow predicted something I was gonna do with the story, so here's to the! (They also RP Regina and Granny from AWCM on tumblr, respectively.)**

**Also, awhitefairytale, I put a lil some some in here for you too dear.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

* * *

**One month later…**

Cora sat in the Rabbit Hole; finishing off the drink she had as she looked about the bar. She gave a sigh as she stared into the empty bottom of her glass. Ruby was working more at the diner and acting distant, and of course it was worrying Cora, but being as stubborn as her daughter she failed to say anything to see what was wrong.

So here she sat instead, drinking her whiskey and mumbling under her breath. Regina was three months pregnant at this point, her baby bump showing more now. Regina is tiny as it is, so its no surprise that the baby bump isn't huge, but it is more noticeable now. Emma was handling the pregnancy well, even though most days she just wanted to curl into a ball because of Regina's insane mood swings, which just seemed to get worse each week.

Cora smirked to herself as she thought about the little muffin growing inside her daughter, just pondering if it would be another little boy or a little girl. Regardless that kid was going to have a SQ shipmate hat on the second it popped out if Cora had anything to say about it.

She gave a wave goodbye to the bartender, someone she knew from Wonderland, and headed outside. She didn't feel like stopping at her apartment, so instead she headed to 108 Mifflin Street. A grin spread across her face as she approached the mansion and let herself in.

"Damnit Emma! How many times do I have to tell you to _not_ leave your boots laying about the house!?" Regina yelled from the living room, making Cora give an eye roll.

"Well excuse me for rushing home to attend to your needs Your Majesty! I left helping Pongo just to come home and fuck you with Swan but-." Emma stopped her rant as she reached the foyer, boots in hand, and her eyes landed on Cora.

"Well at least you two are still doing it." Cora replied nonchalantly.

"Mother?" Regina asked entering the room, stopping next to her wife.

"Sorry to just drop in but well… Ruby is working at the diner more and being distant and I just don't wanna sit in my apartment alone." Cora admitted, a pout gracing her face.

"Oh that's just pathetic, put the boo boo lip away, you know you can always come here." Regina supplied, taking her mother by the arm and leading her into the kitchen for some lemonade before heading outside to the patio, a grumbling Emma trudging behind.

"Have you tried to talk to Ruby about it?" Emma asked as she placed a soft kiss on Regina's cheek, making the brunette beam while Emma grabbed herself lemonade and sat next to her wife.

"Ididntwannatalkaboutit." Cora mumbled out quickly.

"Mother you have to talk about it, how else will the problem get fixed?" Regina asked softly, making Emma look at her in confusion.

"You understood that babbling?"

"You didn't?"

"No."

"Well you never were a great listener."

"Seriously?"

"I'm always serious dear."

"HEY!" Cora yelled, startling the women, "We are talking about my problems right now!"

"Sorry mother." Regina replied with a small eye roll and promptly received a glare from Cora.

"I just really like Ruby and I don't wanna lose her." Cora admitted shyly.

"Do you love her?" Emma asked, making Cora's head snap up.

"Of course she does, she's been with her for over a year." Regina defended her mother, looking at her wife like she had three heads.

"Well then, do you tell her enough?" Emma asked instead, watching as Cora started whistling and looking about the yard.

"Oh mother." Regina groaned out.

"DON'T YOU OH MOTHER ME REGINA! YOU KNOW I HAVE A HARD TIME WITH FEELINGS!" Cora retaliated.

"Well obviously! No wonder Ruby is distant!"

"I don't know what to do!"

"TELL HER!" Regina hollered back as Emma watched the fight like a volleyball match.

"Excuse me." Emma interrupted, "Tell Ruby what?"

"Mother hasn't told Ruby that she loves her."

"WHAT!? YOU TWO HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR LIKE A YEAR!"

"No need to shout bitch, I am well aware."

"Tell her!" Emma yelled.

"Unless you don't." Regina commented.

"I do. I just have a hard time with feelings." Cora pouted, "The last time I felt this strongly I ripped my heart out."

"Well nothing says I love you quite like ripping your heart out." Emma grumbled, making Regina smack her.

"Just tell her mother." Regina commented softly, making Cora nod in agreement.

"Now that that is settled. What do we wanna do today?" Emma asked with a smile as she took Regina's hand in her own.

"I don't know but… I'm not feeling quite like myself." Regina muttered, her eyes drifting down to her swollen belly and staring at it intently.

"What's wrong?" Emma asked quickly as Cora rose and took Regina's other hand.

"I'm not entirely sure. I just feel different." Regina repeated and looked curiously at her stomach. "It feels like magic."

"Magic?" Emma asked as she looked to her wife's stomach.

Suddenly, a sneeze ripped through Regina, taking the group by surprise as they stared wide-eyed at her before erupting into a fit of giggles, which Regina promptly pouted to.

"It isn'-." Regina trailed off, staring ahead with wide eyes.

"What? Funny?" Emma giggled out before catching Cora's wide eyes and following them.

"Holy Mary Margaret mother of Emma." Cora muttered as they all stood quickly, attempting to run from the purple tornado, which followed them and sucked them up.

* * *

"JESUS REGINA WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE CONJURING UP FUCKING TORNADOES! ELPHABA TEACHING YOU SOME TRICKS?!" Cora yelled as she rose from her spot on the ground.

"I haven't spoken to Elphaba in ages mother." Regina replied tersely as Emma helped her off of the ground.

Cora stayed silent a moment as she took a look at her surroundings, a loud groan escaping her lips.

"Oh fuck me with a candlestick. I HATE WONDERLAND!" Cora yelled as she looked at the large mushrooms and the caterpillar not 50 feet from them.

"How the fuck." Emma stated as she looked around, as her wife groaned.

"I transported us to Wonderland." Regina groaned out as she looked around.

"Yes I can see that Captian obvious." Cora huffed, "but _how_?"

"How in the hell should I know? I felt strange and sneezed and then there was a fucking tornado sweeping us up." Regina defended as she took Emma's hand in her own as they began to walk.

"WHOOOOO ARREEEEE YOOOOOOOUUUU?" The caterpillar asked as he blew a puff of smoke out in a ring, it floated towards the women and smacked them in the face.

"OH THAT IS IT YOU BLUE FUCKING WORM!" Cora yelled, jumping up and tackling the large caterpillar.

"Cora?" The caterpillar asked as it tried to fight her off.

"BITCH I MIGHT BE!" Cora yelled, standing back some before magicking the caterpillar's hookah away and slapping the caterpillar upside the head. "WHO THE FUCK ELSE WOULD I BE?!"

"We thought you would never return." He said worriedly.

"Well thanks for that wonderful bout of confidence." Cora mumbled as she hopped down from the mushroom.

"Well it's just that…" He trailed off uncertainly, suddenly becoming frightened.

"Just what blue gnocchi?" Cora asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well with you gone your kingdom was susceptible to attack and you see… The Red Queen sort of took over."

Cora stared at the caterpillar blankly as Regina and Emma cautiously approached the woman.

"Who did what now?" Cora asked, needing it repeated to confirm.

"The Red Queen took your kingdom."

Cora paused a moment before giving a nod.

"IMMA FUCKING KILL THAT LITTLE RED TRAMP!" Cora yelled out, suddenly storming off down the path.

"Mother!"

"Cora!" The women shouted in unison as they ran to catch up.

"Stealing my fucking kingdom. Who the fuck does she think she is. I am in NO mood to deal with this bullshit. I'll show her, fucking Red Queen. She didn't even do anything to earn her title. No. I did everything to earn mine. They don't call me Queen of Hearts for shits and giggles." Cora muttered angrily as the women made their way towards Cora's kingdom just up the way.

"Your Majesty." A guard saluted before the other smacked him.

"Jones, Bart." Cora greeted, cocking an eyebrow to signal she wasn't amused with not allowing her to pass.

"You technically are intruding on The Red Queen's kingdom." Jones said hesitantly.

"I am well aware Jones. So you can either let me through or I will throw you into the fucking hedges."

Both men glanced at each other before stepping aside.

"Fucking guards. Good help is just so hard to find." Cora mumbled as Regina and Emma looked at her with uncertainty.

The women continued ahead, spotting Cora's heart shaped throne up ahead. Her glare intensified as they walked, her eyes taking in all of the changes made and rage boiling up in her.

"It's The Queen of Hearts." People whispered as they walked.

"Regina I'm spooked." Emma admitted as she grabbed her wife's hand.

"Me too dear." Regina confirmed, following her mother.

"YOU THERE! RED BITCH!" Cora hollered out, startling everyone, including the Red Queen.

"Well if it isn't the former Queen of Hearts." The Red Queen mused, swinging her legs down from where they were resting on the armrest of the throne.

Her dress was low-cut, showing off her ample cleavage, and her hair was in an elegant up do. The dress had two cuts down along the sides, showing off her legs as she crossed them and sat, eyeing up Regina and Emma.

"And who are the two gorgeous women behind you?"

"My daughter Regina, The Evil Queen, and her wife the White Knight." Cora supplied.

Regina cocked an eyebrow at the old title, but stood up straighter regardless, exuding her power.

"How… appetizing." The Red Queen drawled, leaning forward and making Cora give an eye roll.

"Okay first of all, the way you just said that makes you seem like a cannibal. And secondly, GET YOUR BARE ASS OFF OF MY THRONE!"

"Oh so testy darling." The Red Queen taunted, her gaze flickering to Emma, making Regina give a protective step in front of her wife. "And a protective daughter of her lover."

"Wife." Regina corrected, head held high.

"Oh my apologies."

"You aren't sorry you tart." Cora growled out, "What makes you think that you can come here and just take over?!"

"You weren't here darling."

"And that just gave you a right to park your ass on my throne?"

"Well yes."

Cora groaned and she looked around the room, staring at her guards.

"And none of you protested?" She asked all of them.

"Oh they did. But I had more forces than they did." The Red Queen commented, her gaze flickering back to Emma once more.

"Okay you look at my daughter-in-law one more goddamn time and I will personally blow your Red ass up, NO ONE WILL SINK MY FUCKING SHIP!"

The Red Queen looked at Cora perplexed before her gaze turned to Regina.

"Well how about your daughter then?"

"You can look at my bare ass you slutty, boobs pushed up to the chin, trying to act like the Evil Queen, harlot." Cora growled out.

"Oh so testy." Her gaze flickered down to Regina's belly, "Oh, it seems your daughter put on a few pounds."

Emma's eyes widened as she looked between her wife and the Red Queen, this was gonna get ugly quick. That was the last thing the Red Queen wanted to say to Regina.

Regina's head was held even higher than before as she strutted forward with all the grace of a Queen.

"For your information I am pregnant you imposter, and the last thing you want to do is piss off the Evil Queen when she's pregnant." Regina seethed out before flinging her hand out to knock the Red Queen from the throne.

Instead, butterflies flew from her hand.

"OH GODDAMNIT!" Regina yelled as she stared at the offending hand.

"Damn pregnancy hormones. They fuck with the magic." Cora commented before turning back to the Red Queen who was laughing hysterically.

"I'm getting really sick of this bitch." Emma growled as she wrapped around her now pouting wife.

"You and me both Swan." Cora growled as her eyes landed on the Red Queen once more.

"Oh Cora. What a lovely little family you have." The Red Queen taunted, "You know, I could allow you to live here, if you'd agree."

"Nope." Cora answered automatically, watching as the Queen's eyes hardened.

"I have been waiting for you to return for years." The Red Queen said pointedly, "And now you return and you refuse me?"

"What the fuck is happening?" Emma whispered to her wife, who was just as confused.

"I have no idea dear." Came the reply.

"Listen. It was fun while it lasted but you just didn't do it for me." Cora stated with a shrug.

"Oh god your mother fucked The Red Queen." Emma grumbled.

"Clearly she was unable to keep it in her pants."

"Oh really? So you felt nothing for me then?" The Red Queen asked with a hard stare.

"Kinda impossible to feel when you DIDN'T HAVE YOUR HEART!"

"What?"

"Bitch I am the Queen of fucking Hearts. That goddamn title didn't come free!" Cora huffed out, "Now get your skinny ass off of my fucking throne."

Cora waved a hand out; throwing The Red Queen off of the throne and into a pile of cushions while Cora marched up and plopped down on her throne.

"Oh yeah, that's nice." Cora mumbled as she sank into the throne.

"Mother!" Regina called as she watched the Red Queen struggle to stand.

"WHAT!?"

"The goddamn hedges were right there and you threw her in cushions instead?" Regina asked with a hard glare.

"Oh. Whoops." Cora replied sheepishly before giving the Red Queen another toss, watching as she screamed and was gobbled up by the hedges, disappearing from sight.

"Wonderland is fucking creepy." Emma muttered.

"Wonderland." Cora scoffed, "Nothing wonderful about this goddamn place."

"Mother we need to figure out a way back home." Regina said pointedly.

"Yeah yeah. In a little while. This is nice." Cora grumbled, sinking further into the throne and signaling a guard, "Get me a drink Carl."

Regina gave a groan as she looked to her wife.

"You wanna take a walk around? I've never been here." Emma asked as she pointed to the road.

"Might as well." Regina agreed as they turned and walked off.

"If you need me just holler!" Cora called after them.

"Your mother." Emma stated with a chuckle, making Regina smirk.

They continued a ways down the path, coming to a secluded clearing just up ahead.

"You know, I'm actually quite hungry." Regina commented wryly as they approached the clearing.

"Is there even anything to eat here?" Emma asked, oblivious to what Regina was getting at.

"Welllll…" She drawled out, stopping in front of Emma and trailing a finger down her wife's chest, "There's you."

Emma's eyes widened and a grin spread across her face.

"I think we can arrange that Your Majesty." Emma commented before pulling her wife flush against her for a kiss.

They continued their make out session for a bit before Regina grew impatient and pulled Emma's shirt off in one fluid motion, unhooking the blonde's bra next.

"Fuck babe." Emma groaned as Regina latched her mouth to a pert nipple.

"That's the idea my love." Regina replied before continuing her ministrations.

* * *

Cora lounged in her pool, sunglasses on her face as well as a sombrero on her head. She took a swig of her drink and sighed contently.

"Your Majesty." Carl spoke, making Cora sigh.

"Yes Carl?"

"We um… well." He started, his voice laced with nerves.

"Oh just spit it out." Cora replied before turning to look at the man, her eyes immediately landing on Regina and Emma, looking quite disheveled.

The two women were avoiding eye contact with her and immediately Cora knew what was up.

"Oh for god sake! You kinky bitches couldn't wait until we got back?!"

"Hormones." Regina mumbled before her gaze drifted down to Emma's hand, her eyes trailing over each finger. She gave a shiver at the memory of those fingers buried within her heat.

"REGINA STOP THINKING ABOUT EMMA FUCKING YOU!" Cora yelled as she hopped out of the pool and came around to the two women.

"I CAN'T HELP IT! DO YOU SEE THE HOT PIECE OF ASS THAT IS MY WIFE!"

"Regina I am well aware of your urges towards your wife!" Cora replied with a huff while Emma grabbed a lemonade and began sipping on the drink, watching the interaction.

"These hormones make it impossible to function properly unless whatever problem I am having gets taken care of immediately." Regina groaned.

Cora shook her head and looked to her daughter-in-law before looking back to her daughter.

"You still having urges?" Cora asked her daughter with a raised eyebrow.

Regina gave a nod before Cora sighed.

"Carl can you show Regina and Emma to one of the guest rooms? I don't need them fucking outside, it's bad for the back." Cora commented as she squeezed her daughter's hand.

"I'm game." Emma replied with a smirk before taking Regina's other hand.

"Oh fuck." Regina said, her eyes widening.

"What?" Both wife and mother asked in unison.

Suddenly another sneeze tore from Regina.

"NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN!" Cora yelled as she held onto her sombrero as they were swooped up by the tornado once more.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all liked this chapter!**

**where are they going next I wonder?**

**Don't forget to review. :)**


	27. Welcome To Oz

 

**Here is Chapter 27 everyone.**

**I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to update. I've been busy with work and the weather here has been so crappy that I just didn't have the urge to write.**

**But thanks to those that are still sticking with this story.**

**I'll try to update again soon, hopefully my schedule slows down a little so I have time to write.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

* * *

The purple tornado that had engulfed the three women finished its whirlwind with an unceremonious drop. Emma and Cora landed with a thud and synchronized groans.

They began to peel themselves off of the ground when a sudden weight landed on them.

"Oof." Emma breathed out as her face met the ground once more.

"Jesus Regina!" Cora yelled as she tried to crawl her way out from underneath her daughter.

"Well excuse me for being pregnant and weighing more!" Regina replied with a bite as she stood up and helped her wife up as well.

"You okay baby?" Emma asked as she gave her wife a once over, lingering on her face and tucking a stray strand of hair back in place.

"I'm fine dear." Regina replied softly, smiling as Emma brought her hand up and placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles.

"Well shit." Cora muttered to herself as she eyed the road before them.

"What's wrong mother?" Regina asked, her eyes not leaving her wife's face.

"Your crazy ass tornado dropped us off in Oz!" Cora called out as she angrily began walking down the yellow brick road.

"Mother where are you going?! The Emerald City is the opposite way!" Regina called after the woman as she and Emma followed after Cora.

"I ain't going back there Regina! Everything is too green! I was seeing green for months after I left the last time it messes with your head and I just cannot and will not do it again do you-." Cora's rant abruptly came to a halt as she stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes falling on the small man that stood in front of her with rosey cheeks and a bright smile.

"Hello." He greeted, his white teeth showing through his smile.

Cora blinked once. Twice.

"NOT THE LITTLE PEOPLE! IT'S A SMALL WORLD IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!" Cora screamed and turned tail, running and hiding behind her daughter and daughter-in-law.

"Cora it's just a munchkin!" Emma groaned out.

"IT IS THE SMALL DUTCH MAN FROM THAT BLASTED RIDE! HE WILL NOT TAKE ME ALIVE I TELL YOU!" Cora yelled again, peeking around Regina and hissing at the small man.

"Is she okay?" The small man asked the two women, genuine concern on his face.

"She had an unfortunate incident with some people of your…" Regina trailed off as she looked at the munchkin, "Stature."

The small man nodded before walking away, a suspicious look in Cora's eyes as she watched the man go.

"Hey Regina."

"Yes dear?"

"What's that bubble thing?" Emma asked curiously as a large bubble began to close in on their position.

"RUN!" Cora yelled out suddenly before scrambling to her feet. Just as she was about to take off at a sprint the bubble descended on her and landed with a pop.

"MY EYES GODDAMNIT MY EYES! THEY BURN OH THE AGONY!" Cora yelled out as she writhed on the ground.

"Glinda." Regina said with a smile as she greeted the woman, quickly giving a short embrace before she introduced Emma and gave her a short synopsis of their new lives.

"WHAT ARE THOSE BUBBLES MADE OUT OF?! ACID!?" Cora continued to scream as she rolled on the ground clutching her eyes.

"Regina, it's been so long. Elphaba and I haven't seen you in ages, and now you drop in and you're married and expecting!? That is most glorious news!" Glinda said with a bright smile.

"Um baby." Emma tried to interrupt, pointing at the writhing woman.

"MUNCHKIN BLOOD! IT'S MADE FROM MUNCHKIN BLOOD!"

"So tell me, what brings you to Oz?" Glinda asked the brunette.

"Well it's actually quite complicated, since we landed here, perhaps you and Elphaba would be able to shed some light on the situation?" Regina asked.

"Of course we would be happy to help!"

"GLINDA FEEDS ON THE SOULS OF THE MUNCHKINS AND USES THERE BLOOD TO MAKE HER BUBBLES!" Cora cried out again, still rolling on the ground.

"Baby, your mom." Emma interjected, pointing at the older brunette.

"Oh for heaven sake Cora, get up!" Glinda scolded before yanking the woman up with a huff. "And my bubbles are NOT made from Munchkin blood."

Cora grumbled as she stood, causing Glinda to roll her eyes before gesturing the group to follow her.

Small munchkins popped their heads up from behind nearby bushes, eyeing the women curiously as they walked.

"Shoo shoo, nothing to see here people." Glinda stated as they moved through the crowd before they were stopped by a colorful trope of munchkins.

They took a deep breath before beginning.

"Weeeeeeeeee…" they paused, "represent, the lollipop guild, the lollipop guild, and in the name of, the lollipop guiilllddddd."

"Oh dear." Glinda groaned.

"This won't go well." Regina added.

"YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY YOU LITTLE MUNCHKINS!?" Cora screamed before running towards them and making them scatter.

"I'm sooooo confused." Emma stated as she watched Cora chase the munchkins.

"My mother and the lollipop guild had a rather unfortunate first meeting."

"She landed in Oz and well… the lollipop guild were feeling particularly funny that day and their lollipops were…" Glinda trailed off, a blush covering her face.

"Lollipops were what?" Emma asked curiously.

"They were phallic shaped." Regina finished, trying to suppress her smirk.

"The lollipop guild… greeted Cora with Penis pops?" Emma asked, trying and failing to suppress her laughter.

"She might have landed on one and…" Glinda trailed off again as Regina made an entering motion with her hands.

Emma's eyes widened before she busted out laughing.

"GIVE ME THAT LOLLIPOP! I WILL SHOVE IT UP YOUR TINY MUNCHKIN-!"

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled out, making the older woman stop, a large lollipop in one hand with a munchkin in the other.

"You're mother got fucked by a penis pop!" Emma laughed out, falling to the ground and curling into a ball, "I can't I can't."

"Emma." Regina scolded, a snicker escaping her lips as well.

"Oh yes lets just laugh about this because it is sooooo funny." Cora mocked as she dropped the munchkin and he scampered off, meanwhile Cora took a lick of the lollipop and shrugged.

"Anyhoo, let's get back to my home shall we?" Glinda asked with a smile.

"Lead the way Bubble Princess." Cora teased as she disappeared in her cloud of smoke and Glinda in her bubble.

"Come dear." Regina called as she helped Emma, who was still laughing, on her feet.

"Penis pops!"

* * *

"Darling we have company!" Glinda called happily as she gestured for the group to have a seat on the couch.

"Company?" Came the velvet reply, a green skinned woman dressed in black with Raven hair flowing down her back, came into view.

"Elphaba." Regina greeted first, eliciting a squeal of delight from the green woman as they embraced.

"Elphaba." Cora greeted next.

Elphaba whipped around from Regina's embrace and her eyes locked on the other brunette.

"Cora Mills, holy Oz, how have you been?!" Elphaba cried as she rushed to the woman and embraced her.

"I've been better."

"Yes I am aware of how much you dislike Oz." Elphaba stated with a smirk.

"She _is_ real." Emma said in awe as she looked at Elphaba.

"And who is this?" Elphaba asked as she took a look at Emma.

"That is my wife."

Elphaba's eyes widened as she looked to Regina and then Emma before a large smile bust across her face.

"Well congratulations!" Elphaba said happily.

"And Regina's pregnant." Glinda chimed in, gesturing to Regina's slightly protruding belly.

"Oh Oz. Well Regina it seems congratulations are in order all around."

Glinda gave a 'humph' and stalked from the room, drawing everyone's attention.

"Did we do something?" Emma asked slowly as she stared in confusion.

Elphaba gave a sigh before speaking, "Glinda wants to have children and we can magically, but I'm afraid the baby would-."

She trailed off.

"Be the same color as broccoli." Cora offered up.

"MOTHER!"

"Well its true!" Cora huffed out, making Elphaba chuckle.

"She's right, I'm afraid the child would share my skin condition." Elphaba confirmed.

"It doesn't matter Elphie!" Glinda huffed out, stalking back into the room, "We manage just fine with yours and the people accept you now. So what if the child would turn out green!"

"Glinda we shouldn't discuss this now." Elphaba tried to reason, just eliciting a huff from Glinda before she continued on with her rant.

Cora watched the scene with amusement, and now Emma and Regina involved themselves in the discussion, allowing Cora proper time to slip away.

She quietly backed up around the nearest corner and engulfed herself with smoke before reappearing in the attic of the castle.

"This place is a mess. I can't believe Glinda doesn't clean up here." Cora muttered to herself as she examined the contents of the room.

Her eyes landed on a broomstick and a sparkle entered her eyes as an idea struck.

* * *

Emma listened to the two brunettes try and reason with the blonde, Emma having drawn herself out of the conversations a few minutes ago. She didn't want to intrude on the topic anymore, so instead she glanced around the room, hoping to strike up a convo with Cora, but found it empty.

Her eyebrows scrunched in confusion as she heard a whizzing sound come from nearby, and she began to walk to the nearest window to take a look.

Everything looked normal except for a semi black trail of smoke that was pooling into the air.

"What the-." Emma trailed off as she made out the figure coming closer.

"EMMA MOVE AWAY!" Cora screeched out as the runaway broom carrying her descended towards the window.

Emma dove out of the way just in time before Cora came whizzing into the room, filling it with black smoke.

"Baby!" Emma yelled out before clamoring to her feet and diving after her wife. "Poof us out, poof us out!"

Regina wrapped her arms snugly around the blonde as they disappeared in a puff of smoke, while Glinda and Elphaba retreated to one of the blonde's bubbles.

They just made it through the window and appeared safe when the broom came charging from the castle and straight towards the bubble.

"CORA CORA NO!" Glinda shrieked out as the broom barreled forward and hit the bubble, causing a resounding pop.

"I CAN'T CONTROL THIS THING!" Cora yelled out as the broom dipped and twisted and turned, while Glinda and Elphaba began falling from the sky.

"Regina catch them!" Emma yelped, watching as her wife attempted to lower the two women, only to be met with butterflies sprouting from her hands once more.

"Fucking butterflies!" Regina growled out as she tried to swat them away. She threw her hands out once more, this time with success as she slowly lowered the two women to the ground.

"OH MY EYES, ELPHIE MY EYES!" Glinda screeched.

"SOMEONE GET ME OFF OF THIS BLASTED THING!" Cora yelled as the broom continued to dip and twist.

"Elphaba do something." Regina began, "She's going to injure herself."

"I FEEL LIKE HARRY POTTER!"

"I don't know what to do exactly." Elphaba admitted with a sheepish smile.

"FUCKING PROFESSOR QUIRRELL! SOMEONE MUTTER A COUNTER CURSE!" Cora shrieked out as the broom began to descend towards the ground.

"Mother pull up!" Regina yelled out.

"I'M HARRY POTTER!" Cora screamed as she pulled up on the broomstick, making it move at the last possible movement.

"Elphaba you need to calm your broom!" Glinda huffed out, finally regaining her vision.

"It's mad at me!" Elphaba defended as Cora continued to scream and whiz by.

"Mad at you? What ever for?" Glinda asked, surprise evident in her voice.

"I demoted it to a cleaning broom once I got my newest one." Elphaba admitted.

"Oh Elphie."

"The blasted thing is billowing black smoke, what was I supposed to do?! Let it continue polluting Oz?!" Elphaba huffed.

"I'M DYING UP HERE!"

"Regina we need to do something." Emma muttered to her wife as they watch Cora continue to struggle with the broom.

"I'M GOING TO GET LUNG CANCER FROM THIS SMOKE!" Cora yelled out angrily before she spotted a rather fluffy object resting on the ground up ahead.

She pushed the broom a little, trying to get it to go for the object and she let out a squeal of glee when it complied.

Once she got close enough she leapt off of the broom and onto the object, rolling off of it and landing with a soft thud on the ground.

"MOTHER!" She heard Regina call out.

"I'M FINE!" Cora shouted out, mumbling the next, "No thanks to you bitches."

"MOTHER LOOK OUT!"

Cora looked to her daughter in confusion before turning around and coming face to face with a very large, and very angry looking Lion.

"Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my." Cora muttered before giving an unsure smile as she looked at the Lion. "Hi."

The Lion gave a loud roar, causing spit to land on Cora's face. She wiped it off and gave a nervous chuckle before turning tail and running away.

"RUN AWAY!" She yelled as she ran as fast as she could with the Lion on her heels.

The Lion and Cora ran straight past the group, the beast not even bothering with the four harmless women that had not landed on him and interrupted his slumber.

"SINCE WHEN DID OZ BECOME THE COLOSSEUM?!" Cora yelled out.

"Oh Elphie please stop this, no wonder Cora hates Oz so much." Glinda begged, watching her wife give a nod before calling to the Lion and halting his progress.

Cora noticed she was no longer being chased and slowed her running, breathing heavily before falling to the ground in a heap.

"We should really try to get back home." Regina muttered to her wife, earning a sound of approval from Emma as they headed towards the fallen Cora.

"Cora you alright?" Emma asked as they approached the heap.

"Am I dead? Did I get eaten?" Cora asked, her eyes shut tight.

"You're fine mother."

"Am I in Hades? Hades are you there old friend?" Cora asked, eyes still shut.

"Mother." Regina gave an exasperated sigh.

"Pain? Panic? Are you there as well?" Cora asked, blinding reaching out.

"God you are so dramatic." Emma chuckled as she grabbed Cora's hand and pulled her to her feet.

"Indeed you are." Regina commented as she laid a hand on her mother's arm, "We should find a way-."

A loud sneeze escaped Regina and her eyes widened in surprise. Suddenly the wind changed and a large purple tornado appeared and began moving towards the women.

"When we get back home, we are getting you on allergy medicine." Emma muttered to her wife as the group held tight to each other.

"Bye Elphie, Bye Glinda!" Cora shouted over the wind, watching as the two women grabbed each other and moved to a safe distance.

The trio shut their eyes and felt themselves being swept up in the wind and taken through the portal.

The tornado died out soon after and left the women gliding gently down to the ground, right in the backyard of the mansion.

"THANK GOD WE ARE HOME!" Emma yelled as they landed.

"Moms! Nana!" Henry's voice rang out as he came barreling through the backyard to the women, Snow and Charming on his heels.

"Henry!" Regina and Emma said in unison, dropping to the boys height to hug him.

"You guys were gone for a week!" Henry pointed out, making his parents eyes widen.

"A week?" Emma asked in disbelief, receiving a nod from Henry.

"Cora you might want to go and speak with Ruby. She's rather upset with you." Snow explained, making Cora whimper like a kicked puppy before muttering and stalking off.

"Okay we can hug this all out later, right now though I need to get Regina to the pharmacist." Emma said urgently before taking her wife's hand.

"Why Emma?" Charming asked.

"Because Regina clearly needs allergy medicine so she doesn't sneeze and poof us to a distant land again! I am NOT riding in Dorothy's tornado anymore! Bitch can keep that!" Emma huffed out as she tugged her wife behind her, leading around the mansion and towards the pharmacy to see Sneezy.

* * *

**A/N: Hopefully you all liked this chapter, as you can see, our land hopping has come to an end. Don't forget to review!**

**Thanks to everyone who stuck with this story :) I love you guys.**


	28. Fairytale Phresh

 

**Well everyone, I am back. I apologize that this took so long to get up, crazy summer and just no urge to write. It's also golf season at college so my writing time is limited but I know everyone has been anxiously awaiting a new chapter. So here it is.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of Once Upon A Time or its characters.**

**Don't forget to review, they are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Enjoy everyone :)**

* * *

Snow peeked in through the small window and glanced around the dimly lit room, her eyes falling on the cobwebs and dust scattered throughout the small kitchen and dining area of the home that belonged to the Three Little Pigs (or more commonly known as Terry, Jerry, and Mark).

"It's a mess guys." Snow muttered to the group behind her.

Benji the raccoon hopped up on top of the windowsill and stood next to Snow's head, peering in through the window like his counterpart. He gave a few squeaks before Snow nodded in confirmation, and hopped from the sill to the ground.

"Hello is anyone home?" Snow called out, knocking on the door, she waited a few seconds before turning back to the group, "It doesn't seem like anyone is home."

She opened the door and peered inside, "May I come in?"

After waiting a few more seconds and there being no reply, Snow entered the home and examined the room. Cobwebs hung in the corners of the room as dust littered the tables and dirty dishes resided in the sink.

"Oh dear it really is a mess." Snow said aloud, "Alright everyone, main your stations."

The group of animals charged into the home, coming to rest beside Snow as she held up a broom in her hand. Deer, rabbits, raccoons, birds; all manners of animals created the group that stood next to their leader, each holding a bucket or brush of sorts.

"Let's clean this bitch."

* * *

"KAAAOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKK."

Emma groaned in her sleep and rolled over to glance at the clock that sat on her nightstand.

 _8:00 am_.

"Ughhhh." She groaned allowed before muttering to herself and drifting back off to sleep.

"KAAAAOOOOAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKKK."

"UGHHHHHHHHHHH." Emma rolled over once more and sat up, glaring at the tree outside of their window that housed an obnoxious singing bird.

"Darling go back to bed."

"I would love to baby but there seems to be an obnoxious singing bird outside of our window at 6 in the fucking morning."

"It's 8am Emma." Regina corrected, cracking an eye and smiling at her clearly irritated wife.

"Whatever. It's too damn early for this shit. I'm just gonna throw a rock at him." Emma commented and began to move from the bed.

"Emma Swan-Mills don't you dare hurt Claud." Her wife scolded, sitting up in the bed and glaring at her.

"Claud? You named the damn bird Claud?"

"Yes."

"After your guard Claud?"

"Claud loved to sing and so does this bird, I found it fitting."

"You gave a name to the bird that has been interrupting my precious sleep and cuddle time?!" Emma yelled, waving her hands in the air and then gesturing to the obnoxious bird outside.

"Don't be so dramatic." Regina replied with a quirked eyebrow.

"KAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOAAAAKKKKK."

"SHUT UP CLAUD!" Emma yelled.

"Don't yell at Claud!"

"HE'S FUCKING ANNOYING!"

"Claud is a very nice beautiful bird."

"Oh yeah real nice when he's singing so loud and waking me up at 6 am."

"It was not 6 am."

"WELL IT FELT LIKE IT, SOME OF US WERE TRYING TO SLEEP!"

"Don't be so dramatic! He likes to sing!"

"Yeah well if you love Claud's singing so much you go live in the tree with him and then I will throw a rock at you too."

"That's mean."

"Fine I will throw it at Claud. That will be the warning shot." Emma glanced at the clock.

_8:30 am_

"Ugh I have to get down to the station." Emma muttered as she stomped to their closet and began pulling out her favorite pair of skinny jeans and a shirt to go with it.

"Don't shoot Claud please." Regina asked from the bed, making Emma pause and give a sigh.

"Fine but he needs to go live in a different tree that isn't by our window." Emma replied as she finished dressing. "These animals I swear."

* * *

"Hello? Is anyone home?" Snow called out, opening the door to another home.

She glanced around the dusty mess and nodded to herself before entering and opening the door wider for the animals to come through.

"Alright everyone, we got another messy situation, this time I want Bambi on clothes duty."

Bambi nodded his great head, the antlers dipping to the floor and then back up.

"Tell Thumper to beat the clothes good before Flower hangs them on you." Snow said before turning to the other animals, "Benji I want you to get to scrubbing, use those little paws of yours to get in the cracks and crevices."

Benji gave a squeak of approval and began rounding his team up, Mr. Fluffykins included.

"Alright everyone, main the stations and let's get to cleaning." Snow said seriously with a twitch of her eyes as she pumped the broom in her hand as if she was loading a shotgun.

* * *

"Good morning Emma." Cora said cheerfully as she entered the station, a box of donuts in hand and two large cups of coffee.

"Cora what are you doing here?"

"Regina called and mentioned you were pissed off about some bird named Claud singing early this morning, and waking you up."

"So you brought donuts and coffee?"

"I'm hungry and I have nothing better to do today. What, I can't spend some quality time with my daughter-in-law?"

Emma smiled and took a bearclaw from the bunch as she took a swig of her coffee.

"So anything fun and exciting happening in town?" Cora asked with a roll of the eyes.

"Since you've been behaving, no." Emma replied with a chuckle as Cora scoffed.

"Regina can say what she wants, but I kept this damn town lively." Cora replied as she bit into her donut.

"That you did."

"So are you still handling my pregnant daughter alright?"

"Yeah the hormones are calming some, I'm thinking it's because she's getting closer and closer to the due date."

"Sex life still good?"

"Cora."

"What? I can't make sure my daughter is staying satisfied?"

Emma groaned and took a swig of her coffee.

"Well?"

"Cora drop it."

"I am just asking-."

Cora was cut off by the shrill ring of the telephone, making Emma thank whatever god it was that decided to intervene and save her from another awkward conversation with her mother-in-law.

"Sherriff Swan-Mills speaking." Emma listened to the call, her eyebrows creasing in confusion, "Sure I'll be right there to check it out."

"What's the situation?" Cora asked excitedly, jumping up from her chair and magicking a gun and a deputy badge to her waist.

"Cora you aren't going."

"Awwwwwwww come onnnnnnnn." Cora whined, "I got a gun and a badge." She began pouting as she pointed to each item.

"Cora."

"Pleaseeeee Emma pleassseeeeee."

"Cora."

"OH FOR FUCK SAKE JUST TAKE ME WITH YOU! I AM SO FUCKING BOREDDDDDDD." Cora yelled, throwing her hands around and almost knocking Emma's coffee over in the process.

"Alright alright alright." Emma replied quickly, grabbing her coffee and holstering her gun, "You can come."

"Can I drive?" Cora asked with hopeful eyes.

"Sure." Emma sighed and tossed Cora the keys.

"YIPPPEEEEE."

"I'm going to regret this decision."

* * *

"Cora hit the damn gas."

"LET ME HAVE THIS EMMA!" Cora yelled haughtily, gradually pressing on the pedal and making it go a whopping 10 mph.

"You're going soooooo fucking slow." Emma groaned.

Cora glanced at the blonde and reached into the box of donuts, pulling one out and then shoving it in Emma's mouth.

"Shut up and eat the damn donut and let me drive." Cora replied as she slowly approached the home of the Three Little Pigs, which should have only taken 3 mins but instead took 10.

Cora put the car in park and slid her aviators on as she and Emma exited the car and approached the three men.

"Let me handle this." Cora said confidently and held her hand up to Emma.

Emma gave a roll of the eyes but decided to allow Cora to have her fun.

"So what seems to be the problem gentlemen?" Cora asked as she swaggered towards them.

"Our house is clean!" Terry exclaimed, throwing the door to the house open and allowing Emma and Cora to step inside.

"Well call me a monkeys uncle." Cora breathed out as she took in the shiny and spotless room.

"And this is a problem because?" Emma asked in confusion as she took in the sight.

"IT WAS DIRTY WHEN WE LEFT!" Mark yelled out, gesturing wildly to the room.

"It isn't just this room either, it's the entire house!" Jerry yelled as he led them room after room.

"Not again." Cora muttered to herself.

"What do you mean 'not again'?" Emma asked.

"Boys… did you leave your door unlocked?" Cora asked the three men.

"Yes we always do." One replied.

"Mistake number one. What I want you to do is make sure you lock your door before you leave, as well as the windows. Also, I want you to hang air fresheners outside of the house, near the windows. Keep them hidden though."

"You don't think it could be…" Terry trailed off.

"No that's impossible. He disappeared before the curse was cast." Mark replied.

"What if the curse brought him here?!" Jerry squealed.

"I want you to keep calm." Cora urged. "We will handle this."

"What the fuck?" Emma muttered as she watched the scene.

"Leave this to the pros boys."

"Excuse me." Emma tried to interrupt.

"What if he comes back?!" Terry asked worriedly.

"Your house is clean, he won't bother you again."

"Excuse me." Emma tried again.

"How do you know?" Mark asked.

"Because I am a professional." Cora responded as she pushed her aviators back in place.

"EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME BUT WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?" Emma yelled angrily at the group, causing them to stop speaking and look at her.

"Sherriff Swan-Mills, can I speak to you outside?" Cora asked as she said farewell to the men.

"Cora what the fuck?"

"Alright listen up… back in the enchanted forest the kingdoms had some… problems, with a person still unidentified to this day."

"Who? Why?"

"Well… people would leave to go to work and when they would come back… their house would be spotless."

"He stole?"

"No… he…"

Emma waited patiently.

"He cleaned." Cora finished seriously.

Emma raised an eyebrow and stared at Cora in disbelief and as if she had three heads.

"He cleaned?" Emma asked.

"Yes… it was awful. No one was safe from his clean little paws." Cora said dramatically, "he would enter and clean the entire house from top to bottom, leaving it spotless. It was an epidemic I tell you. And now he's back… and cleaner than ever." Cora finished and took a drag of her cigarette.

"Where did you get a cig?" Emma asked in confusion as she eyed the woman.

"We don't have much time. He could've struck again." Cora said seriously before stomping out her cig and hopping back into the cruiser.

"This fucking town." Emma muttered as she climbed in and departed with Cora.

* * *

"So where do you think Mr. Clean will hit next?" Emma asked as she looked out the window of the cruiser.

"Mr. Clean? That bald headed gay man with the tight shirt and earring? HE'S BEHIND THIS?! WHERE DOES HE LIVE I SHALL DESTROY HIM AND HIS CLEANLINESS MYSELF!"

"Cora it was just an expression." Emma groaned out.

"Oh. Well… you really should specify." Cora replied as she drove the cruiser around the corner… very slowly.

"God Cora if you don't speed the fuck up I'm going to fall asleep."

"That's what she said."

Emma looked at Cora as Cora looked to Emma; neither said anything as they stared... That was until Emma cracked a smile and started to bust out laughing.

"Alright that was a good one."

"Thank you, I do try."

"Hey Cora… isn't that Ruby?" Emma asked, pointing ahead at the figure running from Granny's bed and breakfast. The figure stopped and began running towards the cruiser.

"Indeed it is." Cora said as she pulled the car next to the curb and parked it before she and Emma exited the vehicle and walked towards Ruby.

"Oh thank god! Emma! Cora!" Ruby breathed out as she ran to Cora and embraced her.

"What's wrong? Is everything alright?" Cora asked worriedly as she checked Ruby over for damage.

"Rubes what's wrong?" Emma asked while Cora continued her inspection, dropping to the ground and looking at Ruby's legs.

"He's back." Ruby breathed out.

"We are aware." Cora muttered as she picked up Ruby's skirt a little.

"Stop it babe." Ruby muttered as she swatted Cora's hand away.

"Do you know where he hit?" Emma asked.

"Damn right. He hit Granny and I." Ruby stated, making Cora spring up from the ground and take off like a bolt of lightening towards the bed and breakfast.

"I guess she's on it." Emma muttered as she and Ruby took off towards the bed and breakfast after Cora.

"FIRST MATE! FIRST MATE!" Cora yelled out as she kicked the door in.

"IN HERE CAPTAIN!" Came the reply from the kitchen.

Cora ran ahead and stopped next to her first mate and inspected the kitchen.

"It's spotless." Granny muttered.

"Bastard." Cora said fiercely as she began examining the scene.

"What do you have Cora?" Emma asked seriously as she began her own inspection.

"Nothing. Spick and span… oh this guy is good." Cora replied.

"I'm sure this seems a little strange to you Emma." Ruby commented.

"Yeah it does. I've never heard of anyone breaking into homes and cleaning." Emma replied seriously.

"It takes a real neat freak to do this." Cora added.

Granny looked from Cora to Emma before a thought came to mind.

"Emma… where's Regina been all day?" Granny asked seriously.

"She's been at home. She wanted to work from home today since the baby is going to be here soon." Emma said before concern crossed her features, "Why?"

"Well." Granny began.

"She is a neat freak." Ruby chimed in.

"My daughter is NOT this serial cleaner!" Cora defended seriously.

"I'm sorry Cora but she is a neat freak." Granny replied.

"Watch your tone fuzzy." Cora growled out.

"Alright just calm down." Emma said as she got between the two women, she then turned to Granny, "Are you suggesting that my 8 month pregnant wife is coming in and cleaning houses?"

"Well when you put it that way…" Ruby trailed off.

"She has magic, she could be doing it." Granny defended.

"Please, my daughter can barely conjure a fucking tea cup without butterflies spewing everywhere, let alone clean two fucking houses." Cora replied with a huff.

Granny nodded in defeat, "I'm sorry captain, but this is a crisis and we had to consider all possible options."

"I understand first mate." Cora replied and slapped Granny on the back.

"Where the fuck do I live." Emma muttered to herself before glancing down at the floor, "Wait a second."

"What is it?" Cora asked as she came around to Emma.

Emma kneeled down and picked up a small clump of hair… or rather fur.

"Fur." Emma said as she held the small clump up.

"Ruby I told you to shave in the bathroom." Granny groaned out.

"Um that isn't mine." Ruby replied.

"No this looks more like… rabbit fur." Cora replied as they examined it.

"Granny, have you killed any rabbits lately?" Emma asked seriously.

"What do I look like to you? A butcher? Fuck no." Granny replied as she looked at the hair.

"Why on earth is there rabbit hair?" Emma wondered aloud.

"No idea… but we are going to find out." Cora replied before turning back to the group, "Make sure you put air fresheners around the place, tell the neighbors too. Spread it around town and we will do the same."

Emma nodded in agreement before glancing down to her phone, "Regina's calling me, I gotta take this."

The group nodded as Emma hit the button and answered the call, "Hey babe what's up?"

" _Emma I need you to come home right away."_

"Sure thing, is everything okay?"

" _Someone is in the house…It sounds like… *pause*… It sounds like they're cleaning? WHO THE FUCK IS CLEANING MY HOME?!"_

"Babe shhhh shhh I need you to stay as quiet as possible. What room are you in?"

" _I'm in our bathroom."_

"Okay I need you to stay there. We're on our way, just hang tight."

" _When I get a hold of this fuck-."_

Emma glanced at her phone as Regina hung up the phone.

"He's at my house. Let's go!" Emma said quickly before rushing out of the door with Cora, Ruby, and Granny.

"I'll transport us, it'll be quicker." Cora said seriously before magicking them outside of the mansion.

"Ruby, Granny you two take the back of the house, Cora and I will take the front." Emma said before pulling out her gun and moving to the nearest window as the rest of the group split up.

Emma and Cora both peeked through their windows and examined the scene.

"That explains the rabbit hair." Cora muttered and gestured for Emma to come to her window.

Emma peered through and took in the scene.

"Is… Is that a fucking rabbit dusting the fireplace?" Emma asked in disbelief.

"It sure is. Bastards." Cora growled out.

"Is Bambi doing laundry?!" Emma squeaked out.

Cora turned to look at Emma seriously, "You know Bambi?"

"Wait… That is actually Bambi?" Emma asked with wide eyes.

"Of course it is. You live in a town of fairytale characters and you're surprised Bambi is folding your clothes… please. And just so you know, I wouldn't tango with him… He is one bad buck." Cora warned seriously before peering in through the window more, "I spot him."

"You mean to tell me this guy is working with fucking animals?" Emma asked.

"You're damn right."

"What kind of psycho goes around cleaning fucking houses with animals!?" Emma growled out.

"I say we go in and find out." Cora said seriously as she cocked her gun.

Emma nodded in agreement and the two stood abruptly and ran to the door.

"On three… one… two… THREE!" Emma counted and burst through the door. "Everybody freeze!"

"PAWS IN THE AIR BITCHES!" Cora yelled as she pointed her gun.

One of the rabbits tried to make a bolt for it and Cora pulled the trigger.

"NOOOOOO!" Came the scream from the culprit as the rabbit hit the ground. "RASPUTIN!"

"The rabbits name was Rasputin?" Cora asked seriously to Emma, the blonde gave a shrug in reply, "Well that was cause enough to shoot him."

"No one move!" Emma growled out as she moved more into the house, "Keep your hands where I can… MOM!?"

"Hi honey." Snow said sheepishly as she held up a toothbrush.

"White chocolate!? You crazy bitch! It's been you this entire time?" Cora demanded as she holstered her gun.

"You're damn right, and I would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you meddling kids."

"You need to stop watching Scooby Doo." Emma muttered before she holstered her gun, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Cleaning."

"Obviously." Cora scoffed, eyeing the spotless room.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON DOWN HERE!?" Came Regina's husky voice from the stairs and she waddled down the last few steps and approached the group, "Someone care to tell me why Snow White and her woodland posse is in my home?"

"Yes do tell White Chocolate." Cora urged.

"Hey watch who you're speaking to lady." Bambi said, grunting as well.

"You talk?" Emma asked dumbfounded.

"Hey Bambi, did you cry when they shot your mother?" Cora asked.

"Cora!" Snow exclaimed.

"Ha ha, very funny, not like I haven't heard that joke before." Bambi replied.

"We are a respectable cleaning service." Snow said calmly.

"You're breaking in to people's homes." Emma replied seriously.

"It's part of the job." Bambi replied.

"So was eating your mom." Cora commented, making Emma slap the woman.

"You wanna say that to my face?" Bambi demanded.

"I just did tree head." Cora replied.

"WILL SOMEONE JUST TELL ME WHY YOU ARE CLEANING _**MY**_ _HOME?!"_ Regina demanded, growing impatient.

"Your house was a mess." Snow replied easily.

"Yes well if you haven't noticed it's hard to clean when you're 8 months pregnant and your wife is as messy as a four year old."

"Hey!" Emma cried out.

"I'm sorry dear, an eight year old."

"That's better." Emma muttered as she crossed her arms and turned her attention back to her mother. "How is this a respectable cleaning service?"

"We do an excellent job." Snow replied.

"We aren't saying you don't." Cora began, "We are saying you're batshit crazy, going around town with a cleaning posse of animals and breaking into people's homes and cleaning."

"And?"

"And?!" cried Cora, Emma, and Regina.

"Everything alright?" Granny and Ruby asked as they entered and Granny cocked her crossbow.

"Snow?" Ruby asked surprised, "It was you?"

"Yes and I'd do it again I tell ya! Mess! Mess everywhere! It was filthy!" Snow cried out.

"Your mother is seriously off her rocker." Cora said seriously.

"I am more than aware." Emma muttered as she looked at the group of animals.

"Fairytale Phresh." Bambi said.

"I'm sorry?" The group asked.

"The name of our cleaning service is Fairytale Phresh. Spelled with a 'PH' because we're hardcore like that."

"Wow bro." Cora muttered.

"DON'T BRO ME IF YOU DON'T KNOW ME!" Bambi yelled as he stomped his hooves.

"Alright lets just calm down!" Emma yelled out before turning to the animals, "all of you, since I can't arrest you, I suggest you all take off before it becomes open season."

Bambi gave a snort of irritation.

"That means you burger boy." Emma replied seriously and watched as the group left, "Mom you're gonna have to come down to the station, I gotta lock you up."

"NEVER!" Snow cried as she tried to flee.

"I'm on it!" Cora yelled as she barreled after Snow and dove at her.

"Get off me Cora!"

"NOT ON YOUR LIFE WHITE CHOCOLATE!" Cora yelled back and held tight as Emma came over and cuffed her mother and passed her to Cora to take out to the cruiser.

"You okay baby?" Emma asked seriously as she approached her wife.

"Oh yes, Snow White, my mother-in-law, was in my home with her woodland friends cleaning my house under the cleaning service name of Fairytale Phresh… yes I am peachy." Regina replied haughtily.

"Don't be like that. I'm taking her down to the station, I'll take care of it." Emma said soothingly as she wrapped her arms around her wife's waist.

"You'd better." Regina replied, as her own arms snaked around her wife's neck, "Don't let your father bail her out for at least two days."

"No problem there." Emma said with a laugh before kissing Regina gently. "I'll take care of it."

"Alright." Regina said with a sigh as she kissed her wife once more, "Go put her crazy ass in a cell."

"Okay, I'll be back for dinner and I'm bringing the deputy with me." Emma said with a smile, making Regina give one of her own.

"Yes I suppose that is acceptable." Regina laughed lightly and leaned in to kiss her wife again when…

"KAAAAOOOOOOOAAAAAKKKKKKK!"

"FUCKING CLAUD!" Emma yelled out and ran after the bird that was in their home squawking away. "GET OUT!"

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, again I am sorry its been so long.**

**I would love to say I will update regularly again but with it being golf season and my life being pretty crazy I don't know when I will update again but I will try and make it soon I promise.**

**Don't forget to review**


	29. The One With The Pumpkin Filling

 

**Hey guys, sorry that its been so long since I have updated. School has been super insane and it's finals week this coming week. I wasn't planning on updating until break but I finished a shit ton of homework today and felt like I owed you guys a Thanksgiving chapter of AWCM. :)**

**As always, reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**I own nothing of Once or the characters**

* * *

"IT'S TURKEY DAY MOTHERFUCKERS!" Cora screamed as she jumped out of her bed, rousing a groan of protest from Ruby.

"Babe, it's like 6 am. Go back to sleep." Came the sleep filled voice.

"Ruby it is Thanksgiving which means I get to shove my face full of delicious fucking turkey. Do NOT ruin this for me." Cora said seriously before her cell phone began ringing.

"Ughhhh." Ruby groaned and flopped back on the bed, realizing that sleep no longer was an option with her 5-year-old girlfriend.

"Cora Mills speaking."

" _It's turkey day motherfucker!"_ The voice yelled excitedly from the other end of the phone.

"I KNOW EMMA!" Cora replied loudly and excitedly.

" _Emma get off the damn phone its too early!"_ Regina's voice echoed in the background, followed by an 'oomph' emanating from Emma's lips.

" _Regina its turkey day don't throw thingsssss."_ The blonde whined.

"Emma would you like Ruby and I to come over in an hour or so to help Regina?" Cora asked seriously, hoping to keep her daughter-in-law safe from her daughter's wrath.

" _That would be great Cora, thanks. OOMPH. REGIIINAAAAAA!"_

"We will see you shortly then dear. Give kisses to Regina's belly for me, that baby is gonna love the food!" Cora said excitedly before ending the call and turning to face Ruby.

"Can we head over in two hours?" Ruby asked, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Sure?" Cora replied, confusion evident in her voice as she looked at her girlfriend.

"Good. Because I wanna eat early." Ruby purred before grabbing Cora and pulling her down onto the bed in a tangle of limbs.

* * *

"We're here!" Cora called as she and Ruby entered the Swan-Mills mansion, three hours late.

"I thought you were gonna get here like two hours ago?" Emma asked as she entered the foyer and gave Ruby a quick hug before turning to her mother-in-law.

"Ruby was hungry." Cora said quickly, a blush covering her face as Ruby gave a wink to Emma.

"Famished." Ruby confirmed as she glanced at her girlfriend before heading towards the kitchen to begin helping Regina.

"Thanksgiving sex?" Emma asked with a raised eyebrow, a habit she began picking up from her wife.

"Oh yeah." Cora replied enthusiastically.

"NANA!" Henry yelled excitedly as he ran down the stairs and plowed into his grandmother. "Happy Thanksgiving!"

"Happy Thanksgiving to you too!" Cora breathed out.

"Mom wanted you to head to the store to pick up some things for her for today." Henry added as he glanced at his grandmother.

"Ugh whhhhyyyyy." Cora whined and pouted, making Emma chuckle.

"Because I can't. I gotta go and watch my mother at the station for a bit."

"White Chocolate is still in jail?"

"Yeah, she tried to break out a week ago with the help of some squirrels. We're letting her out today though before dinner." Emma replied with a sigh.

"I can head over now and watch her if you would like. That way you could help Regina with the preparations while I watch your mother and then when you get to the station I will go and pick up the things she needs." Cora suggested. The blonde gave a nod in reply before turning on her heel and leading the others into the kitchen where Regina and Ruby set to work on preparing the turkey.

"Hey baby, I'm gonna help you around here for a bit before I head to the station." Emma said as she came behind her wife and wrapped her arms around her.

Regina leaned back into the embrace, emitting a sigh as some of the pressure was lessened off of her feet. The baby was due in a few weeks, so needless to say she was the size of a blimp.

"Regina you're the size of a blimp." Cora commented.

"Yes mother, I am aware that I am rather large right now." Regina replied with an agitated sigh.

"Hello little muffin, you're gonna get to eat your first Thanksgiving meal tonight." Cora said happily as she kissed her daughters stomach. "Alright I'm gonna go keep an eye on White Chocolate for a few hours, Emma just stop by when you're freed up here."

* * *

Snow sat in her cell, on the bunk, playing a harmonica. A sad tune looted throughout the station as she sat and played.

"I got the prison bluessss." Snow sang before going back to the harmonica, "I had a cleaning service", another few notes on the instrument, "It was called Fairytale Phresh", another few notes, "I got locked up", another few, "For cleaaanniinnggggg."

"Shut upppppppp." Cora groaned out before magicking the harmonica away from Snow.

"Cora!" Snow yelled out, irritated that her only source of entertainment was taken away from her.

"It's annoying to here you sing a song about cleaning…"

"It was catchy."

"It didn't even rhyme." Cora said with a roll of her eyes.

"You gotta let me outta here Cora."

"And why would I do something like that?"

"Because we are family."

"Only by marriage Snow."

"WE ARE ONE!"

"Mom shut up before I decide to allow Cora to have her fun." Emma threatened as she entered the station.

"Oh THANK GOD, her singing was driving me insane." Cora breathed out in relief.

"Everything go alright here?" Emma asked as she took a seat next to Cora.

"Aside from your mothers atrocious singing and harmonica playing? Peachy. How're things back at the house?"

"Fine. Regina wouldn't let me touch anything. Something about last Thanksgiving's incident." Emma rolled her eyes.

"Oh that's ridiculous. There was plenty of food."

* * *

_**Flashback** _

" _Wait until you try this turkey Granny. It's simply delicious." Regina commented as she led Granny into the dining room, only to pause and take in the scene in front of her._

_Cora and Emma had dug into the Turkey and when they had realized they had been caught, their eyes widen to the size of saucers._

_A piece of skin from the turkey dangled haphazardly from Cora's mouth, while Emma had paused mid bite into one of the legs. Regina felt the magic swirling around her, and judging by the women's expressions, it was visible._

" _I…Am going to MURDER, both of you." Regina breathed out, a fireball coming to life in her palm._

_Emma and Cora audibly gulped and glanced at each other before Emma's turkey leg went flying and a shrill scream erupted from their lips._

" _IT WAS CORA'S IDEA!"_

" _IT WAS EMMA'S IDEA!" They both shouted at the same time as they tried to run away from the scene, only succeeding in bumping into each other and knocking themselves to the ground._

_Cora bolted from the room first, a fireball just missing her head as she slid into the kitchen. Emma dove under the table to retrieve her turkey leg before scampering out of the back door onto the porch, her ass on fire by the fireball that Regina had hurled at her._

_Cora cautiously rounded the corner and approached her daughter, who was breathing heavily and glaring after her wife._

" _I guess you could say… she is one hot piece of ass." Cora joked, wiggling her eyebrows as her daughter looked at her. "Not funny?"_

" _GET OUT!" Regina yelled, creating another fireball and prompting a shrill cry from Cora as she magicked herself from the room and next to Emma who's ass was planted in the pond behind the house, smoke rising from her jeans._

" _How you doing fire buns?" Cora asked before Emma glared and took a large bite of her turkey leg._

_**End Flashback** _

"That was some good turkey." Cora recalled fondly, her daughter-in-law nodding in agreement. "Well I better go grab what Regina needs."

"Yeah here's the list." Emma said as she handed the brunette the piece of paper, "She needs pumpkin filling for the pie, we aren't making apple obviously… whipped cream, and some sparkling grape juice for Henry."

* * *

Cora entered Storybrooke Supermarket and grabbed the nearest cart before heading towards the cold aisle.

She grabbed the whipped cream before moving to the juice aisle and grabbing two bottles of the grape juice for Henry. She then began the walk to the baking aisle where she stopped and made eye contact with none other than…

"Rachel fucking Tice."

"Cora." Blue replied with a glare.

"Fancy seeing you here." Cora commented, sizing the fairy up.

"What're you here to get?"

"Pumpkin filling."

"Same." Blue replied before the duos eyes flickered to the shelf where only one can resided.

Their eyes shifted back to each other's and their grips tightened on their cart handles.

"This aisle ain't big enough for the both of us Mills."

"Well… I think we should clear it out then… don't you?" Cora replied as she took position to charge.

"Bring. It. On." Blue said dramatically before Cora released the Xena war call and charged head first towards Blue.

Cora pushed her cart off to the side before leaping into Blue's and then tackling her to the ground where they began to punch and kick each other.

"THE PUMPKIN FILLING IS MINE!"

"GO BACK TO HELL YOU UNHOLY DEMON!" Cora yelled as she kicked Blue in the stomach.

"I'M A NUN!"

"NOT IN FAIRYTALE LAND YOU SKANKY EVIL BITCH!" Cora screamed before climbing on top of Blue and grabbing her hair.

Blue extended her arm and reached for the filling, her hand was only a few inches away when-

A loud crash echoed throughout the aisle as Cora sprang off of Blue and dove for the filling, just as the shelf began to fall.

"NOOOOOOO!" Blue screamed before the numerous cans and jars fell on top of her and silenced her.

Cora stared at the scene as she tossed the can up and down. She dropped the item in the cart before beginning to limp away.

"Clean up in aisle three!" She called out as she limped around the corner, an evil chuckle escaping her lips. "Have a nice nap Rachel!"

Cora made it to the check out aisle, she was breathing heavily and blood trickled down the side of her face, and not a damn line was open. Her eyes flickered to the self-checkout line and she began to limp towards it, using her cart for support.

"Please scan your first item. If you have a coupon, please scan it now." The machine said as Cora's eyes widened.

Her hand rose to destroy the machine, but the little Regina voice in the back of her head told her to suppress the urge to destroy it.

"Witchcraft." Cora muttered before sliding the whipped cream across the platform and placing it in the bag.

"Please scan your next item."

"This isn't so bad." Cora smirked to herself as she scanned the juice through.

She carefully moved the pumpkin filling across the platform, but no beep resounded to signal that it had scanned.

She tried again.

And again.

And again…

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" Cora yelled out.

"Is there something I can help you with ma'am?" A woman asked as she approached.

"Yes this talking box won't scan my item."

The women punched in a code and scanned the item through, placing it in the bag.

"There you go, all set."

Cora nodded in thanks before turning back to the screen.

"If you are finished, please swipe your card. If you are paying cash, insert money now."

Cora reached into her pocket and produced her credit card, swiping it through the bars.

"I'm sorry, the card you have swiped cannot be processed."

"That's okay, I'll try again." Cora said calmly as she swiped once more.

"I'm sorry, the card you have swiped cannot be processed."

Cora glared at the machine before swiping again.

"I'm sorry, the card you have swiped cannot be processed."

"YES IT CAN YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" Cora yelled angrily before kicking at the machine.

"Ma'am please don't kick the equipment." The women behind the help desk said, preparing to stand.

"I'm sorry, the card you have swiped cannot be processed."

"I didn't even swipe!" Cora yelled out.

"I'm sorry, the card you have swiped cannot be processed."

"SHUT UP!"

"I'm sorry, the card you have swiped cannot be processed."

"I AM THE QUEEN OF HEARTS, I WILL RIP YOURS OUT IF YOU DO NOT SILENCE YOURSELF!"

"I'm sorry, the card you have swiped cannot be processed."

Cora began to shake with rage before creating a fireball and blasting the machine to bits.

"MA'AM!" The women yelled.

"BACK OFF." Cora growled out as she glared at the woman and limped out of the supermarket.

She had just exited the supermarket when something landed on her head.

"What the fuck?" Cora rubbed her head and glanced up.

Nothing.

"Well that's strange." She muttered before giving a shrug and walking away, whistling as she went. "Wait a minute."

She looked down.

The filling was gone.

"WHERE IS IT!?" Cora yelled, frantically looking around the surrounding area for any sign of the precious filling.

"Looking for this laddie?" A cocky voice asked. Cora spun around and her eyes narrowed in on a devilish little shit.

"Pan." Cora growled out as she eyed the boy. "I believe you have my filling."

"I'd rather like some of it for myself." Pan said with a smirk as he tossed the can up and down before glancing behind him at his crew of lost boys.

"Pan likes filling." The one boy spoke up with a creepy stare as he came to a stop behind Pan.

"Felix… being creepy as usual I see." Cora said dryly.

"You see Cora… I rather like pumpkin pie… and it seems that I need the filling to make it. You have… well… HAD the filling." Pan explained with a chuckle.

"You are a cocky little shit aren't you?" Cora asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Your daughter said I have reason to be cocky." Pan replied with a wink.

Cora blankly stared at him for a moment, "First of all my daughter is a lesbian and secondly you're like twelve years old."

"We believe in Pan's jokes." Felix replied.

"Okay seriously is this fucking Jeepers Creepers because you're freaking me the fuck out." Cora said, addressing Felix before looking to Pan, "You have until the count of three before I take that filling back."

"Bring it on grandma." Pan spat back.

"One."

"Kick her saggy ass Pan!" One boy spoke up.

"Two."

"Queen of farts!" Another called out with a giggle.

"Three." Cora growled out before lunging at Pan and tackling him to the ground, "I WANT MY PIE YOU LITTLE SHIT!"

Cora grabbed Pan by the ear, making him whimper in protest, as he was unable to do anything but take the abuse.

"You're in big trouble," Cora said before leaning in to whisper in his ear, "laddie."

* * *

"Emma have you seen my mother at all?" Regina asked as her wife and in-laws entered the dining room.

"She isn't back yet?" Emma asked in surprise.

"I haven't heard from her either." Regina said distantly before moving into the kitchen, her wife right behind her.

"Baby don't worry. I'm sure everything is fine." Emma assured as she came up behind her wife and wrapped her arms around her. "I love you, and thank you for putting all this food together."

"I'm just glad that you've decided to suppress your appetite until it is actually dinner time." Regina replied with a chuckle, "I love you too."

"Pretty soon we're gonna have a brand new addition. We'll have to have a high chair sitting at the table next year." Emma commented softly as she rubbed Regina's swollen stomach.

"Mmmmm." Regina hummed in appreciation as they shared a moment.

Emma kissed Regina's neck softly, "We should head back out to the dining room."

Regina gave a nod of agreement before turning around and leading the blonde from the kitchen.

"Uh huh… thank you." Snow whispered hurriedly to the squirrel that sat outside on the porch.

"Ah mom… what are you doing?" Emma asked suspiciously.

"My sources tell me that Cora was seen outside of Storybrooke Supermarket, torturing a bunch of boys." Snow said.

"WHAT?!" Regina and Emma screamed at the same time.

"Something over pie filling." Snow added.

"I'll go take a look. You just rest, I promise we will be back before dinner." Emma assured before kissing Regina fiercely and running out of the front door and down the street.

"NOT AGAIN NOT AGAIN!" Came a scream down the street, making Emma pick up her pace and round the corner to the supermarket.

Her eyes focused in on Cora, sitting on the ground with Pan hanging from a tree, a hook attached to his underwear causing a massive wedgie.

"HOW DARE YOU TAKE MY PUMPKIN FILLING!" Cora screamed, hiking the rope higher and making Pan whimper like a little girl. "WHERE'S YOUR SHADOW NOW HUH!?"

Cora gave a satisfied smirk before turning her back on the Lost Boys hanging from the tree by their underwear and beginning to walk towards Emma.

"What the hell happened to you?" Emma asked as she took in Cora's bloody and disheveled appearance.

"Rachel Tice… pie filling… self-checkout… Little Shit Pan." Cora muttered as she approached.

"Pan? As in PETER Pan?" Emma asked with wide eyes before looking to the tree.

"The same. Little shit that he is."

"I CAN HEAR YOU!" Pan yelled from the tree.

"OH CONGRATULATIONS YOU CAN FUCKING HEAR, YOU WANT A MEDAL OR SOMETHING _LADDIE?!_ " Cora screamed back before magicking a tennis ball and hurling it at his head.

"Why do you hate him so much?"

"I was in Neverland with Hook once… It wasn't a pleasant experience." Cora commented before grabbing Emma and magicking them outside of the manor. "Come one, Regina's gonna be pissed that I wasn't here sooner."

"We're back!" Emma called as she entered the house, immediately spotting her pregnant wife hurriedly walking towards them.

"It's about- what on earth happened to you?" Regina asked, as she looked her mother up and down.

"It's a long story, here's the filling." Emma said before handing her wife the can and guiding Cora into the dining room.

"Babe what happened!?" Ruby exclaimed as she rushed to her girlfriend's side and helped her sit down.

"Long story involving a fairy and pan." Cora mumbled before taking a big gulp of her wine.

"Okay everyone, dinner is ready and the pie is in the oven." Regina announced as Emma brought the turkey into the room and sat it on the table. "Baby you carving?"

"Hell yeah." Emma stated proudly before taking the knife and fork, "okay so who wants what?"

"Uh oh." Regina muttered.

"Uh oh isn't a part of the turkey." Emma pointed out, confusion etched on her face as she looked to her wife.

"My water just broke."

The room went completely silent.

"I DIDN'T EVEN GET ANY OF MY FUCKING PIE!" Cora yelled before quickly standing and taking Regina and Emma's hands, "White chocolate you get that pie out of the oven when it's done and don't you dare fuck it up."

The three women disappeared to the hospital in a puff of smoke.

* * *

**There you guys have it. Sorry it isn't as long as the previous one.**

**Don't forget to review and I will try and update again soon**

**Also in regards to From Here To Kingdom Come, I will be starting that story back up soon as well so expect an update for that story in a few weeks time.**


	30. A Storm Is Coming

 

**Just a quick chapter to throw in before shit gets real in Storybrooke.**

**Hope you all enjoy this. :)**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

* * *

"GET IT OUT!" Regina cried out as she shot a death glare at her wife, who was standing next to the bed trying not to whimper at the death grip Regina had on her hand.

"It's okay baby it's gonna be alright." Emma attempted to soothe, "AAAHHHOOWWWW." Came the whimper as Regina squeezed the hand harder.

"Miss Swan if you don't get your child out of me right now I will divorce you." Regina growled out as another contraction hit.

"Swan-Mills dear." Cora corrected as she entered the delivery room, clad in scrubs.

"Mother." Regina whimpered out pathetically as tears clung to her eyes.

"Shh. I'm here dear, don't worry it'll be over soon." Cora soothed before turning to the door and shouting, "WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT PITIFUL EXCUSE OF A MAN. WHALE!"

"I'm here I'm here." Whale breathed out as he quickly entered the room with two nurses, "Hello Regina, how're you doing?"

"HOW DOES IT LOOK LIKE I AM DOING?!" Regina growled out, small bursts of magic shooting from her.

"Easy baby." Emma soothed, brushing the hair back from her wife's face.

"It hurts." The brunette whimpered.

"I know but it's going to be alright, just do what the doctor tells you and I'm right here beside you. I know how much it hurts."

Regina let out a scream as another contraction hit, making purple bolts shoot from her fingertips and destroy the nearby tv.

"Reginnaaaaaa. Not the TV." Cora whined. She paused with wide eyes as her daughter glared at her. "It totally deserved it."

"Okay Regina I'm going to need you to start pushing okay?" Whale asked. "On my mark, one, two, PUSH."

Regina let out a scream as she pushed with all of her might.

"Doing great Regina, take a breather and then another push." Whale encouraged.

"You're doing great baby."

"PUSH."

Another scream as Regina pushed again and again.

"I can't anymore." She breathed out before collapsing back on the bed some.

"You can baby you can."

"I can't."

"Regina you need to push again." Whale stated.

"Hey Regina, I fixed the TV!" Cora said excitedly, making everyone stop to look at her.

"I'm having a baby and you're concerned about the TV?!" Regina yelled angrily.

"What're you going to do about it?" Cora taunted as she winked at Emma.

"I'm going to-."

Cora interrupted, "Exactly, you can't do shit until you push that baby out."

Regina growled before pushing once more with all of her might.

"Almost there. One more push Regina."

Regina screamed and shortly after another small set of lungs cried out.

"You did it." Emma said in awe as she watched Whale cut the cord and the nurse begin to dry off the baby girl.

"Regina she's beautiful." Cora stated, just as in awe as Emma as she came around to the other side of her daughter and smoothed her hair back. "She has your hair."

Regina gave a tired chuckle before opening her arms to allow the baby girl to be placed.

"Look what we made." Emma whispered, tears in her eyes as she looked at the baby and then her wife.

"I know. She's perfect." Regina replied with a tear filled laugh.

"Congratulations." Whale said sincerely, "Do you have a name?"

Regina and Emma looked at each other and smiled before looking back to Whale.

"Lily… Lily Swan-Mills." Regina replied with a bright smile as she looked back down to the tiny bundle in her arms.

"You want me to go and tell the rest of the family?" Cora asked her daughter as she gazed down at little Lily.

When she received a nod she walked out of the delivery room and down the hall to the waiting room where she spotted everyone.

Half of the damn town was there, including Granny, Ruby, Archie, the Dwarves, Rumple, Henry, Snow, Hook, and Charming.

"Well mate?" Hook asked excitedly as he approached his captain.

"Her name is Lily." Cora said with a tear filled smile and the room burst into happy cheers.

"Can we see her?" Snow asked.

"Yeah, the doctor only wants two at a time though so I think Henry should get to go first, whoever else wants to go can." Cora suggested as she looked to her grandson.

"Sweet!" Henry grinned before taking off around the corner to the room.

Cora eyed the room, her eyes falling upon the seven dwarves, who were all talking excitedly about the baby… except for one, the happiest out of all of them.

Cora calmly walked over to the group, who stopped talking and looked at her with big grins.

"I can't believe we have a little addition to Storybrooke." Bashful spoke up with a grin.

"It is hard to believe isn't it." Cora agreed.

"What do you think Happy? You've been awfully quiet." Grumpy asked as he eyed his friend.

"I don't want to say."

"Why not Happy?" Cora asked as her eyes narrowed in on the dwarf, making him gulp.

"I don't ship it." Happy spoke up, his head rising proudly.

The entire room fell silent.

"You don't ship it?" Cora asked in confusion as she looked at Happy.

"I don't think Emma and Regina were meant to be together."

"They just had a baby from True Love…" Snow spoke up as she approached the group.

"Well I don't agree."

"You don't agree that they had a baby?" Sneezy asked as he looked at his friend.

"No that they are meant for each other."

"This comes as a surprise." Cora muttered.

"Yes well… I DON'T SHIP IT AND I DON'T CARE." Happy yelled proudly.

"Well this poses a problem for us here mate." Hook chimed in as he came to stand on the other side of Cora.

"Hook I personally think you would be better suited for Emma than Regina… or Henry's birth father." Happy managed to get out before shrugging.

Cora eyed him suspiciously.

"Well that's flattering mate." Hook replied but took a large step and stopped in front of Happy, he leaned down to whisper in his ear, "If I were you I would turn around and run while you can. My ship is sailing and I won't have you here to puncture holes in the sails. Besides, my captain doesn't particularly care for you and I would hate to see that smile…" Hook paused to look at Happy, "Turned upside down… permanently. If you catch my meaning."

Happy gave a gulp before turning and running off.

"I smell a storm brewing Hook." Cora said seriously.

"Aye. I smell it too."

"Sorry that was me." Granny spoke up sheepishly.

Everyone turned to look at the older woman before looking back to Cora.

"Anyways, the armada may need to be called upon." Cora looked to Granny, "First mate, control your gas and come take a walk with Hook and I."

Granny rushed to join the group as they walked through the hospital towards the exit and then outside to the streets of Storybrooke.

"Do you think we will need the entire Armada Captain?" Hook asked as they walked.

"Indeed I do. I sense we have another ship approaching."

"Most of our ships are completed for war Captain, but there are a few that are still in progress. Should I give an order to speed up production?" Granny asked.

"Yes. Send out the word. We will need every ship available." Cora said as they came to a halt next to the harbor, looking out at the sea.

"Captain… Do you see that?" Hook asked as he pulled out his spyglass and focused it in.

"What do you see Hook?"

"A ship. A large one. Naye…" Hook said as he lowered the spyglass, "A fleet."

* * *

"She's so precious." Emma whispered as she held her newborn daughter for the first time.

Everyone had come in and seen the baby and then left to go back to the mansion to help themselves to the feast Regina had prepared.

"She's ours." Regina said softly as she watched her wife coo and bounce the sleeping newborn.

"Quite a Thanksgiving huh?" Emma asked with a laugh.

"Indeed dear."

"Where's your mother? I thought for sure she would be in here cooing over this cutie."

"I have no idea, whatever she is doing I am sure she's getting herself into some sort of trouble." Regina replied with a chuckle as Emma deposited the sleeping baby in her wife's arms, and placed a kiss on her head.

* * *

"RING THE ALARM!" Cora yelled out as she boarded her ship, Hook and Granny at her side as well as Snow, Charming, Archie, and the six dwarves on board her ship.

"Alright crew, the plan is to sail out and hail them." Cora begin as she stood behind the wheel, "See what they want and hopefully, avoid battle for the day."

"Aye aye Captain!" The crew shouted.

"Let loose the sails!" Cora yelled out, "Give me speed!"

The sails dropped, catching the wind and pulling the ship out to sea.

"Hook, when we get back and dock, I need you to organize your crew and make sure the Black Pearl is ready for battle."

"Aye Captain. It will be an honor to fight alongside you." Hook replied as he watched the approaching ships grow closer.

"AN ENTIRE FLEET CAPTAIN, THE INSIGNIA IS STRANGE!" Grumpy called from the crow's nest.

"What is it of?" Cora hollered back.

"A Swan!" Grumpy paused, "With what looks like some fire surrounding it!"

Cora's eyes widened and war flashbacks flickered behind her eyelids of her time in the Other World.

"Neal." Cora growled out.

"What?" Hook asked in surprise.

"Neal Cassidy. Henry's father." Cora replied before yelling, "HAIL THEM!"

Cora ordered the anchor to drop and watched as the other ship accepted the hail, coming close at a slow pace before dropping anchor alongside their ship. The ropes were tossed, pulling the ships next to each other so they could board.

Cora walked down the stairs and approached the planks that connected the Queen of Hearts to the other ship.

"Cora." Neal greeted with a smirk.

"Sperm donor." Cora greeted back before eyeing his ship. "Lovely boat you have here. I'm sure it would look great inside a glass bottle."

"Funny." Neal replied, "I assume you know why I am here."

"You're too late Neal. They've been married for awhile now and they just had a baby not even five hours ago." Cora informed the man, watching as his eyes widened.

"That's impossible. Who's the father?"

"Emma is actually, knocked my daughter up with True Love." Cora replied smugly.

"It doesn't matter, she could have more than one True Love."

Cora rolled her eyes, "Impossible. True Love means one and only one True Love. Otherwise Oprah would be handing out True Love's to everyone, 'YOU GET A TRUE LOVE AND YOU GET A TRUE LOVE, FOUR FOR YOU!'"

Neal's face-hardened, "I'm never going to stop fighting for her."

"You will when you're dead mister Cassidy. I don't believe you understand the severity of your actions, sailing into my waters."

"Oh I believe I do." Neal replied seriously, "Swan Fire will sail. I have a fleet behind me."

"Yes I don't deny that you have a substantially large fleet mister Cassidy. However, what I do doubt is your intelligence. You sail against me in my waters, not knowing the size of my own fleet, or taking into the fact that I possess magic." Cora began, "High noon, one week from today we will meet you here at sea for battle. Until then though only one ship is permitted to sail into the harbor to acquire provisions for your crew, any others that try will be destroyed on the spot. You also will not have any contact with Emma, any arrangements to see Henry will have to go through me. Disobey these orders and I will serve your head to your crew on a silver platter. Do you understand me?" Cora asked as Neal audibly gulped.

"Good. I shall see you next week." Cora agreed before turning and walking back to her ship and ordering to be released from Neal's ship.

Soon they were sailing back to the harbor.

"I must say love, that was one hell of a speech." Hook commented as he handed a bottle of rum to his captain.

"I know right?! Not too shabby eh?" Cora replied excitedly before taking a gulp of the rum, "Alright lads! We dock and celebrate True Love and the birth of our newest and soon to be initiated crew member, LILY SWAN-MILLS!"

* * *

The entire crew retired to the Rabbit Hole for some drinks since Emma and Regina were still at the hospital and would be for a few days.

Snow and Charming joined in to drink with the rest of the crew, making jokes and exchanging stories from their time in the Enchanted Forest.

"Captain, a word?" Hook asked as he handed Cora another glass of Mead.

"What is it Hook?" Cora asked seriously, although a bit of a slur was evident in her voice.

"I know how Neal managed to rustle up a crew." Hook said quietly.

"How?"

"Happy."

"THAT LITTLE FUCKING DWARF!" Cora seethed out, "I will rip his heart out when I see him!"

"Easy love. This must be handled delicately." Hook cautioned. "Happy is hiding out on one of the ships in Neal's fleet. I managed to overhear one of the crew speak of the ship when they were acquiring provisions."

"Well done Hook." Cora muttered as she thought.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that we have a dwarf to capture." Cora replied with a wicked smile as she took a swig of her mead, "Happy won't be a problem much longer."

* * *

**Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I will try and update as soon as I can. :)**

**In light of recent events I thought this Chapter was necessary and a good way to tie in what I have planned.**

**Stay strong SWEN**

**Viva la SwanQueen!**


	31. This Is War

 

**Hey guys, so so sorry about such a long wait for an update. I got a job so I could go and see my gf who lives in Brazil, so I've been super busy with work and school and golf for a bit there. But the semester is winding down some so hopefully I will be able to update soon for this story again, as well as for From Here To Kingdom Come.**

**Again, so sorry about the wait, but I hope this makes up for it. This Chapter is pretty long so I hope that all of you enjoy.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Also I had some people mention that I said Swan Thief in the last chapter and told me it was SwanFire. When Neal originally showed up it was SwanThief because no one knew he was Baelfire yet so they've been interchangeable. But I changed it to SwanFire to avoid confusion.**

* * *

"Oh goddamnit." Cora growled out as the rope around her waist tugged some more.

"Shh Captain." Hook urged next to the woman as she death glared him.

"Don't you tell me to shoosh Hook. My fucking pants are falling down. I forgot to wear a belt and this rope is tugging on my trousers." Cora replied before resuming her climb.

"Well please keep the pants on Captain, I would prefer to avoid seeing you in your knickers." Granny piped up below Cora.

"Granny, you wouldn't be seeing my knickers…"

"Excellent. Two full moons tonight then." Hook spoke up with a smirk as they continued climbing the side of one of the ships belonging to SwanFire.

They reached the edge of the ships railing and Cora carefully pulled herself up over the railing and peeked at the crew.

"They all have lanterns." Cora whispered to the other two, "And they're armed."

"What're they packing?" Granny asked.

"Wooden swords… battle edition." Cora replied.

"Damn." Hook whispered before looking back to his captain. "What do you propose captain?"

"I think a sleeping spell will do the trick lads." Cora replied with a grin before climbing over the railing and stepping onto the deck. She muttered quickly and took out a handful of poppy seeds and blew, making the powder float across the deck and effectively knock out every member of the crew.

"Nicely done Captain, where did you learn that trick?" Hook asked as he joined Cora on the deck.

"Elphaba taught me that little trick actually."

"Let's fan out and look for Happy, maybe he's one of these men." Granny suggested. After a nod from Cora the three fanned out and quickly picked up the lanterns and carried them, so they wouldn't raise suspicion from the other ships.

"I don't see him among the ones asleep Captain." Hook whispered.

"He must be in the hold." Cora replied and ushered Hook to go and take a look, "Granny and I will keep watch."

Hook nodded and quickly descended into the hold.

"Now what Captain?"

"Now we wait…"

* * *

"Can I hold her?" Henry whispered to his blonde mother, who was currently holding Lily and staring lovingly at her wife.

"Yeah kid." Emma replied softly as she carefully passed Lily to her big brother.

"She's so tiny Ma." Henry said in awe as Lily opened her eyes and gave a gentle tug on his finger.

"Yeah she really is."

"Ma, where's Nana?" Henry asked curiously.

Emma's eyebrows scrunched together as she thought, "I'm assuming she's out celebrating Lily's birth with the rest of the town. After all, a royal baby was just born." She finished with a chuckle.

Henry nodded in agreement, "I'm just surprised she isn't here to slap a little armada hat on her."

Emma gave an eye roll, "I'm sure she's working on it right now Henry."

* * *

"PULL DAMNIT!" Cora growled out as they tried to pull Happy into their stealthy rowboat.

"Sorry Captain, he's too fucking heavy!" Hook puffed out as he heaved and managed to get Happy into the boat with a thud.

"He doesn't look that heavy… but damn." He panted out as he eyed the dwarf.

"It's because of all of that traitorous shipping he has been doing." Cora replied as she gave Happy a kick.

"Yeah he's out all right." Granny piped up.

"Good, let's row his ass back to shore." Cora commanded as Hook and Granny began to row.

* * *

"Emma?" Regina asked, sleep coated her voice as her eyes fluttered open.

"Hey baby." Emma replied before giving a loving kiss to her wife's forehead.

"Lily's passed out mom." Henry chimed in as he sat Lily into her bed.

"Our little boy, all grown up." Regina said fondly with a smile.

"Yeah he is." Emma replied as she ruffled Henry's hair.

"Where's my mother?" Regina asked, quickly scanning the room.

"Out celebrating still, we think." Emma replied with an eye roll.

"Did you want me to go and find out?" Henry asked his mothers.

"NO!" Came the immediate reply.

"Whhhyyyyy?" He whined.

"Because Henry, I do not need you getting involved in any of the shenanigans that I am sure my mother is participating in." Regina replied with an arched eyebrow.

"But moooommm."

"Henry listen to your mother." Emma said with a stern voice as she looked at their son.

"Fine… but I'm sure she's not doing anything bad."

* * *

"Alright boys, tie him up." Cora commanded, watching as two of the dwarves put their friend in a chair and proceeded to tie him up.

They were currently in the Warehouse near the harbor, using it as their base of operations for the oncoming war.

"Anything else captain?" Sleepy asked.

"Notify me when he wakes up." Cora replied as she handed the man a car with the Queen of Hearts on it.

"How?"

"Just throw it. It will signal me."

"Aye Aye Captain! Anything else?"

"That'll be all Sleepy."

"What do you need of us love?" Hook asked his Captain as she approached him and Granny.

"Granny, as our weapons master, I need you to put in an order for a weapons upgrade." Cora said as she handed Granny one of SwanFire's wooden blades.

"What would you like Captain?"

"Greatswords, daggers, battle axes, all of it. I want everything made and to be ready for distribution in two days time." Cora ordered, watching as Granny saluted and gave an 'Aye Aye'.

"Anything you need of me Captain?" Hook asked.

"Hook, I need you to see that all of our fleet will be ready for deployment within the week."

"Aye Aye love." Hook replied with a bow before leaving the warehouse with Granny in tow.

"I have some official business to take care of." Cora said to herself with a smirk. A cloud of smoke engulfed her and then she was gone.

* * *

Cora stealthily entered Regina's hospital room, it was early in the morning, the sun hadn't started to rise yet though which provided Cora the darkness she needed.

She crept to the crib and glanced up, her eyes making eye contact with a sleeping Emma and Regina as well as a passed out Henry in one of the nearby chairs. Her heart swelled with pride at her little family that she was so proud of.

"Hello mate." Cora whispered, her eyes taking in Lily's sleeping cuteness. The baby already had a head of Regina's hair coming in and Cora knew that once the baby grew some her eyes would be the same color as Emma's.

"I have been waiting a long long time to meet you. Well actually I have been waiting a long time for your mothers to finally bang and make you." Cora whispered out as she rummaged through her bag, "I brought you a little present… Just in case I don't come back from this war, I have something that I had made especially for you."

Cora took a deep breath and pulled out the small sailor hat.

 _ **First Mate of the SwanQueen Armada**_ , was embroidered on the hat.

"Granny stepped down as first mate so that you could hold the position. You will be trained as you grow, and I know you're going to make your nana proud, no matter where I will be watching from." Cora gently put the hat on Lily's head, smiling when the baby cooed happily at being touched in her sleep.

"Sleep well first mate, I hope to see you soon." Cora gave Lily a kiss on the head before quietly magicking herself from the room.

* * *

_That morning…._

"Looks like your mother paid us a visit sometime during the night." Emma said as she picked Lily up from the crib in the hospital room.

"Why do you say that?" Regina asked as she yawned and wiped the sleep from her eyes.

"Because of this." Emma gestured to the hat on the baby's head.

"Oh you have to be kidding me."

"It's cute! Granny must have stepped down from being first mate."

"You say that as if it was a prestigious honor for our daughter to be named first mate of a fake armada."

"Regina we both fought in the battle." Emma said seriously.

Regina rolled her eyes playfully, "Yes it was fun, but my mother takes this thing too seriously."

"Oh come on, let her have some fun. Lily will get to train with swords and if we ever have to go back to the Enchanted Forest, maybe she will be older and able to defend herself. It has its perks."

"My mother is delusional dear."

"She's fine baby, your mother is just having fun." Emma said as she carried Lily to the window to take a peek outside. "Your mother doesn't take it to…seriously…"

Emma trailed off as she looked out of the window, making Regina's eyebrows rise in concern.

"What is it?"

"You'd better take a look at this."

Regina rose from the bed, joining her wife at the window and looking outside at the harbor where the SwanQueen armada sat, and out at sea another large fleet.

"What is that?" Regina asked in concern, taking Lily from Emma's arms and holding her to her chest protectively.

"War."

* * *

_Two days later…_

"MAN THE SHIPS!" Cora yelled out to her army as Granny approached her.

"Captain." Granny addressed, giving a salute before presenting a fine wooden sword to the captain.

"Granny it's beautiful." Cora said as she took the wooden sword, eyeing the craftsmanship and detail.

"Stayed up finishing it for you. Use it well Captain."

"I intend to. Let's get on our ship and set sail." Cora ordered as she sheathed the sword onto her belt.

Cora stepped onto her ship and headed to Hook who was currently instructing the crew on procedures to man the ship.

"All good Hook?"

"Aye aye Captain. She's all ready for war."

"Excellent. Then we shall set sail in five minutes, alert the crew and prepare the signal for departure."

"CORA!" A voice called out, causing Cora to turn around and look at the dock, towards the figure that was trotting towards the ship.

"Emma?" Cora asked as she approached her daughter-in-law, "What're you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same, what's going on?" Emma asked as she gestured towards the fleet off in the distance.

"We are at war Emma, to protect you from the enemy." Cora said seriously as her hand went to the grip of her sword.

"And who is the enemy this time?" Emma asked with a glance towards the other fleet.

"SwanFire." Cora stated grimly as Emma's eyes widened.

"Neal? Neal is here?" Emma asked urgently.

"Indeed."

"Ah fuck. Regina is not going to be happy when she finds out about that."

"Well that is why I planned to eat it in the butt." Cora said seriously.

Emma just stared at the woman for a minute before deciding to correct her, "It's nip it in the butt…"

"Oh."

Silence.

"Well this is awkward."

"Yeah." Emma agreed.

"So… did you come to fight?" Cora asked. Emma glanced at her feet and shyly looked to the woman.

A large grin spread across Cora's face, "Battleaxe, greatsword, or regular sword?"

"Battleaxe."

"There's my girl." Cora said proudly as she escorted Emma onto the ship and led her to a rack, "Take your pick."

Drums began to pound and a horn blew, signaling the departure of the armada.

"Grab your axe Emma, war is upon us." Cora said hastily before trotting to the wheel and steering them out of the harbor.

They sailed for a few moments before slowing, the fleets facing each other and floating, waiting for someone to make the first move.

"Now what?" Hook asked as he stood next to Emma and Cora.

"Now we fight Hook." Cora replied, "FORWARD!" She yelled and gestured with her sword as the ships began to gain speed towards the SwanFire vessels.

The ships moved towards each other at a fast pace and the armada took evasive maneuvers and managed to avoid ramming the enemy ships.

"BRING IN THE SAILS! PREPARE TO BOARD!" Cora yelled out as the ships aligned themselves with the enemy and the hooked ropes let loose and attached to the enemy ship.

"ATTACK!" Emma yelled as she raised her wooden axe over her head and leaped over the railing onto the enemy vessel and engaged in battle.

The dwarves ran behind, tackling the enemy to the ground. Wooden swords and axes clashed against each other, the dull thuds ringing out across the ships.

"Emma duck!" Hook yelled as he blocked an attack from an enemy, watching as Emma rolled out of the way and hooked her axe around the enemy's leg and knocked him over, causing him to fall over the railing.

"PRESS THEM HARDER!" Cora yelled as she jumped on the back of one of the enemy soldiers, holding on tight as he flailed.

"Emma!" Snow and Charming called out, rushing to their daughter and helping her fight the enemy troops.

A man charged at Snow and swung, causing her to lose her balance and a brown blur leap from her coat and latch onto the man's face, making him flail and lose his balance.

"Mom?!" Emma asked in shock as she watched the display.

"GET HIM ANGUS, USE YOUR FURRY PAWS!" Snow screamed as she ran at the man and kicked him overboard, the squirrel leaping back up onto Snow's shoulder and raising its paw in a high five motion.

"Emma!"

Emma turned around quickly, her wooden axe raised to strike, as her eyes landed on Neal.

"Neal."

"Emma we need to talk."

"I have nothing to say to you Neal."

"Please, we can work this out and make this work."

"There is nothing to make work Neal."

"What do you see in Regina anyways huh? She's the Evil Queen!"

"WAS the Evil Queen, she isn't like that anymore. She's my wife and my family, and mother to my children."

"One of them is my child Emma."

"Yeah well being a sperm donor doesn't count." Emma said angrily before rushing at Neal, axe raised and a battle cry falling from her lips.

The two's weapons clashed with dull thuds, ringing out across the ship as the battle raged on around them on every other ship in the fleet and armada.

Cora glanced to the ships in the harbor and saw that their armada was easily overcoming the other ships; she glanced back towards Emma who was holding her own against Neal. She glanced the other way and saw that Hook had hopped onto another vessel and was being overcome by the enemy.

"Granny! Snow! With me, we need to help Hook!" Cora yelled out as she leaped over the ship and onto the other vessel, Granny and Snow following close behind.

"GET THEM!" Snow screamed as a horde of squirrels descended from the crow's nests and attacked the enemy crewmembers.

"White chocolate is one crazy bitch." Cora muttered as she aided some squirrels in knocking enemies overboard.

They fought on and on, Cora dodging and blocking hits and taking some as well. She was feeling battered and bruised and a small trail of blood was leaking from a paper cut she received when she threw some parchment at someone.

"Captain you're bleeding!" Snow exclaimed, worry evident in her voice.

"I'm fine." Cora said as she winced, the cut stinging.

"You aren't captain! We need to get you medical attention or else you'll bleed out!" Snow urged, taking Cora's hand and examining the small cut.

"We need to keep fighting. I can't let such a wound hinder my fighting ability."

"Don't be stubborn."

"It's just a flesh wound, I'll be fine!" Cora yelled as she blocked an attack from the enemy and swung back with full force.

The fighting continued and Cora managed to catch her breath and look back to Emma, her axe raised she charged at Neal and mistakenly faltered in her attack, allowing Neal to hit her in the stomach with the flat part of the wooden sword.

"EMMA!" Cora screamed, watching as Emma fell to her knees in slow motion.

"NOOOOOO!" Snow screamed and pointed towards Neal, sending her furry henchmen after him as Cora and Hook ran full speed towards the fallen blonde.

Neal's sword rose to deliver the final blow as Cora dove, the world moving in slow motion as she flew towards Emma, her arms wrapping around the blonde and rolling them out of the way. Cora's sword rose up just in time to block the deadly blow from Neal's sword.

"AHHHHHH!" Cora screamed as she kicked Neal from the ground, causing him to falter and stumble and allowing the furry animals to attack him.

"Swan are you alright?" Hook asked as he helped the blonde to her feet.

"I'm fine, just had the wind knocked out of me."

"Good because Regina would kill us if you had been seriously injured."

"Is Cora bleeding?" Emma asked worriedly as she saw Cora glance down at the small red cut on her finger.

"She's been injured." Hook replied quickly and led Emma to their captain. "Captain you're injured."

"I'm fine Hook."

"Cora no you aren't, that wound looks fatal!" Emma urged, taking a closer look, "It's deep, you won't make it through the war if you don't receive medical attention."

"I'm fine Emma!" Cora urged as she yanked her hand away, "I need to stay in this fight, the war is almost won. We need to capture the vessels and raise our flags. Get Snow and have her furry comrades handle it."

"Aye Aye Captain." Hook said before dashing off.

"Regina is gonna kill me if anything happens to you." Emma said seriously.

"DUCK!" Cora yelled as she pushed Emma out of the way, not having time to block the blow from a very angry and scratched Neal.

"CORA!" Emma screamed as she watched Cora fall overboard and crash into the water, her sword laying unattended on the deck, "NOOOOOO!"

Neal turned to face Emma, a look of pure anger on his face.

"Your turn."

Emma growled as she swung at Neal, causing him to falter and lose his balance, allowing her to dive for Cora's sword and wield two weapons.

"HOOK!" Emma screamed out, causing the pirate to look up and see her holding Cora's sword. Hook's eyes widened before he nodded and jumped overboard, attempting to find his captain.

Emma and Neal clashed against each other, the thud of the wooden swords echoing across the deck as they met blow for blow, finally Emma slashed Neal across the chest and then his legs, causing him to fall to his knees.

"It's over Neal. You can't win, you've lost." Emma panted out, holding the sword to the man's neck.

A horn blew in the distance.

"Not yet." Neal replied with a large grin.

Emma looked up and watched as a small fleet approached to aid the SwanFire fleet.

"Who is that?" Emma asked as the ships approached.

"I don't recognize the flag!" Granny called out from the crow's nest.

"We are going to win. Yours and Regina's hearts Emma." Neal said with a laugh.

"Who are they?" Emma demanded, pressing the wooden sword harder into Neal's throat.

"OutlawQueen."

* * *

**Well guys there you have it, the recent Chapter of AWCM. Things are gonna get interesting. I have had some people on Tumblr ask if I am going to include Zelena in this story at all considering I had already done an OZ chapter. I'll think about how I could tie that in so no promises on that front.**

**I hope you all enjoyed the story and look forward to your reviews!**


	32. It's It's

 

**Hey guys, it's your lucky day. Luckily for all of you I have been sick and then had Easter break so I had some free time to write the next Chapter of AWCM. I hope you all enjoy.**

**Also as a note, I have NOT been watching Once Upon A Time. The majority of information I get about it comes from my gf and Tumblr so I just sort of go off of what I see there. This story is NOT meant to follow the timeline of OUAT exactly, and I enjoy meddling with the timeline anyways. Of course you all should know this since Cora is obviously alive in this story and not alive on the show.**

**Please review, they are encouraged and appreciated.**

**Thanks for reading.**

* * *

" _OutlawQueen."_

Neal said with a sly look in his eyes, causing Emma's eyebrows to crease in confusion.

"The fuck is OutlawQueen?" Emma asked Neal seriously, making the man's eyebrows rise.

"You don't know?" Neal asked.

"No."

"Oh it's the ship between Robin Hood and Regina."

"Robin Hood? Like the fox Robin Hood or like Men in Tights Robin Hood?" Emma asked curiously, her head tilting to the side like a curious puppy.

"Well in my opinion he isn't really a fox and not exactly Man in Tights." Neal answered with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Oh okay then. But he wants Regina?" Emma asked, her eyebrows creasing together.

"Yeah he thinks she's hot."

"Can't blame him there." Emma muttered before releasing a breath.

"Hey Em, congrats on the new rug rat." Neal said seriously.

"Aw thanks Neal, she's precious. You'll have to stop by and see her, wait! I have pictures." Emma grabbed her cell phone and unlocked the screen, flipping through photos of Regina, Lily, and Henry.

"Great family you have there Em."

"Thanks Neal they really are."

Snow cleared her throat, causing the two to look at her.

"Uh guys, ships approaching." Snow said as she pointed towards the sea.

"Oh right." Emma answered before clearing her throat, "OUTLAWQUEEN!?" Emma yelled, pressing the sword against Neal's neck once more.

"Yeah, OutlawQueen, and he's coming for Regina." Neal growled out.

"He'll never take her, not if I have anything to say about it." Emma replied, "Take him below deck and tie him up, make sure he can't get loose."

Leroy and Bashful dragged Neal kicking and screaming from the deck down to the hall of the ship.

"Swan." Hook said from behind, his voice laced with emotion.

"Cora?" Emma asked hopeful, the look immediately fell from her face as she took in the lifeless body of her mother-in-law. "NO!"

The blonde ran to Hook and fell on her knees, carefully pulling Cora into her lap.

"Cora you wake up right now!" Emma yelled out, shaking the woman and receiving no response. Her eyes found Hooks, "Is she alive?"

"I can't say, I can't find a pulse and her skin is freezing."

"REGINA!" Emma yelled as loud as she possibly could. A few moments later the brunette arrived in a puff of smoke and was dressed and kneeling next to her as she examined her mother.

Regina calmly examined her mother's body, about to begin healing it when the ship jarred to the side.

"WE'VE BEEN HIT!" Snow yelled out as the boat began to turn away, a masked man was visible standing on the deck.

"Regina!" The man called out, hopping onto the Jolly Roger and drawing his bow and arrow.

"Who are you?" Regina asked, her voice laced with venom as she hovered protectively over her mother's body.

"My name is Hood. Robin Hood, and I have come to seek your hand."

Regina let out a laugh that sent a shiver down Emma's spine; the laugh was pure Evil Queen.

"You? You're a little too late for that sort of talk Mr. Hood." Regina said as she stood up regally. "I'm already married."

Robin Hood faltered, "What? Married? Neal never said anything about you being a married woman."

" _DID I FORGET TO MENTION THAT?"_ Came the voice below deck.

Hood glanced down at the deck, "Yes you did you bloody idiot!"

" _SORRY!"_

"I came all this way."

"Aren't you supposed to be with Maid Marian?" Emma asked as she came to stand by her wife.

"It's complicated… She sort of… shacked up with Goldie Locks."

"Oh." Regina and Emma said at the same time.

"And you forgot to mention that she was married to another woman you idiot!" Robin Hood yelled down below deck at Neal.

" _SORRY! I FORGOT!"_ Came the reply.

"Yes you do that a lot these days."

" _YOU WANNA SAY THAT TO MY FACE MR. I RUN AROUND WITH A BUNCH OF OTHER MEN!"_

"THEY ARE MY BROTHERS!" Hood yelled back, stomping his foot on the deck.

" _SURRREEE THEY ARE. BECAUSE EVERYONE HAS A BAND OF MERRY MEN THAT THEY SLEEP WITH!"_

"It was one night! It was cold!" Robin Hood yelled back in defense.

" _THAT'S WHAT THE COLLEGE KIDS SAY TOO!"_

Hood rolled his eyes and let out a sigh before turning back to Emma and Regina.

"Ladies I am terribly sorry about this. It was a total misunderstanding. I'll take my fleet and be on my way."

A cough resounded from nearby.

"You should stay for a bit, we could all hit up the rabbit hole." Emma suggested.

"I should get back to Lily, I left her with the doctors at the hospital." Regina mentioned.

Another cough.

"I think loser should buy drinks!" Emma yelled down to the lower deck.

" _SOUNDS GOOD TO ME!"_ Neal called back.

Another cough.

"So the Rabbit Hole?" Hood asked as he signals his men to alert the ships to dock.

"Yeah, only bar we have in town." Emma replied with a smile.

"DOES ANYONE ON THIS DAMN SHIP GIVE A FLYING MONKEY ABOUT ME?!" Cora yelled as she hopped up.

"Captain!" Hook exclaimed with wonder.

"Yeesh, I take a hit for my daughter-in-law, fall overboard into freezing water, get saved by a pirate and mouth to mouth resuscitation, get brought back on the ship, only to have everyone forget that my lifeless body has been laying on the deck."

"I'm so sorry Cora." Emma said sincerely, slowly inching behind her wife.

"You know what?! FUCK ALL Y'ALL!" Cora yelled out as she emptied her boots of water.

"Awwww Cora." Snow cooed as she went to give the woman a hug.

"Back the fuck up White Chocolate." Cora replied with a glare. "And YOU." Cora growled out, addressing the newcomer.

"Me?" Hood asked with a gulp.

"My daughter, even if she were single, would never give some man in tights that runs around with a group of ' _merry men'_ ", Cora added with air quotes, "that smell, and shit in the woods, NOT TO MENTION the fact that you need to be worthy of her. Are you a Prince? NO. Is Emma a princess, YES. ROYALTY CHECK MARK COVERED MOTHER FUCKER." She finished before landing a slap to end all slaps, to Hood's face. "VIVA LA SWANQUEEN!"

The entire ship gasped.

"A slap to end all slaps." Hook said in awe as Hood hit the ground groaning.

"A slap that will echo through the space time continuum." Snow commented, her mouth open and matched her husband's expression.

"I'll cherish this moment until the day I die." Granny added whimsically, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.

"PEACE motherfucker." Cora said as she threw up a peace sign and turned to walk back to Regina and Emma.

"Did anyone else hear that?" Regina asked suddenly, making every one stop what they were doing.

The noise sounded again, louder this time.

"I heard it too." Emma admitted.

Again.

"Up there!" Leroy yelled out as he pointed to the sky.

"The hell is that?!" Neal asked as he glanced up at the creature in the sky. He barely had time to duck as the creature swooped at him and knocked him overboard.

"NEAL!" Everyone called out as Hook jumped overboard and went to rescue the man.

"TAKE HER BACK TO SHORE!" Cora yelled out as she ran to man the wheel while every one else scrambled to let loose the sails and get them back to shore.

Emma and Regina went to stand next to Cora, as Regina formed a fireball in her hand just in case.

"HELP!"

Emma and Regina ran to the side of the boat where Hook was hanging on by his hook and holding Neal in the other hand as they tried to climb the ship.

"Hang on!" Emma called over the railing as she reached to grab Hook's hand.

"EMMA!" Regina yelled as she let loose a fireball at the beat, hitting it in the head and causing it to flail and then hit the water.

Hook and Neal scrambled up the ship and landed in a heap as Emma ran back to her wife and watched as Cora took the ship back to the harbor.

"DOCK!" Cora screamed out and signaled for them to pull the ship in.

"Did the others follow?" Hook asked as he peeked over the railing and watched as the armada and the two other fleets all pulled into position and the rowboats were let loose.

"Let's get everyone to shore." Emma said as she took Regina's hand and led them off of the ship.

Everyone gathered around and began to hastily discuss what they had just witnessed.

"IT'S COMING BACK AROUND!" Leroy yelled out as he pointed to the creature.

"RUN!" Neal yelled as he took off at a sprint, leaving Hook, Emma, Regina, and Cora standing behind.

The creature threw an object at them, Cora instinctively catching it and peering inside.

"It's a hat." She stated.

"Why would that creature throw us a hat?" Regina asked as she touched it, causing the hat to whiz and whirl as a portal sprung up.

"Oh fuck you and your True Love magic shit." Cora grumbled as they were sucked into the portal.

* * *

"Ughhhh my head." Regina groaned out as she sat up, Emma following close behind.

"Where's Hook and Cora?" Emma asked as she rubbed the sore spot on her head.

"Mmmphhhmphh." Cora muffled out, her arms flailing as she tried to push the unconscious pirate off of her.

"There she is." Emma commented, standing and helping Regina up as well.

"What on earth are we doing here?" Regina asked with an arched eyebrow.

"AIR! SWEET MERCIFUL ZEUS THE AIR!" Cora called out as she filled her lungs with oxygen; Hook still being passed out on the ground.

"Well at least we are alive and… OH YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!" Cora screamed out in rage.

"Oz." Regina and Emma muttered in sync as they helped Hook to his feet.

"I am sooooo over this True Love magic shit." Cora grumbled as she kicked the ground and stomped off down the yellow brick road.

"I guess we are paying Elphaba and Glinda a visit?" Emma asked with a roll of the eyes.

"Let's just hope my mother doesn't decide to take a ride on Elphaba's broomstick."

"Already did that." Cora replied with a sigh.

"Yes mother we know, we were here." Regina replied.

"Not what I think she was talking about love." Hook muttered behind his hook, his eyebrows wiggling up and down.

"Oh mother you didn't!" Regina groaned out.

"It was one time a long time ago, before Elphaba and Glinda got serious. We drank a little too much dandelion wine and one thing led to another."

"Ugh." Regina replied with an eye roll.

"Does Glinda know?" Emma asked, her eyes wide.

"I believe so. I'm sure Elphaba mentioned it to her at some point." Cora replied with a shrug before continuing on their way.

They approached the castle and Cora strode to the door and banged on the wooden knockers.

"He he… knockers." Cora laughed to herself.

No answer.

She knocked again.

"Maybe they aren't home."

The door slowly creaked open revealing no one behind it.

"I'm not going in there." Hook said seriously.

"You're such a baby." Emma replied as she nudged him in the ribs.

"Swan, I have watched those things you call horror films, and everyone always dies when they go into a castle whose doors mysteriously open with no one behind them. If you need me I'm going to go get me some rum."

"No you aren't." Cora replied as she dragged him inside, followed closely by Emma and Regina.

"Elphie? Glinda?" Cora called out, "YOOOHOOOO! ANYONE HOME!?"

"I don't think they're here." Emma replied.

A noise suddenly echoed from upstairs.

The group looked upwards and that each other, following Cora as she raised a finger to her lips in a 'shh' gesture. The group quietly climbed the stairs and Cora gently pushed open the door.

"Oh sweet OZ!" Cora exclaimed as she ran to Elphaba and Glinda and began untying them.

"Cora you have to get out of here!" Elphaba breathed out as she finished untying herself and Glinda.

"What's going on? First a fucking creature drops off a portal hat and Regina touches it and BOOM portal, now we get to OZ and we find the two of you tied up." Cora explained.

"You don't understand though, you need to-." Elphaba rushed out but was cut off by another voice.

"What? Run?" The voice said as she stepped out from behind the shadows. Her skin was a much brighter shade than Elphaba's and almost sparkled.

"Damn you look like you were a product of bad CGI." Emma muttered under her breath, making Regina snicker.

"So we have TWO Wicked Witches?" Regina asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Who the fuck is this?" Cora asked.

"Don't you recognize me?" The woman asked.

"Maybe without that shit paint job but then again who knows." Cora replied with a sigh.

"You know her?" Regina asked, "Wait don't tell me. Did you sleep with her too?"

"No…" Cora trailed off in confusion. "I think I would remember sleeping with TWO green beans."

"You should recognize your own daughter… Mother." The woman replied with a smirk

Everyone's heads whipped to look at the woman.

" _INCEST!"_ Snows voice echoed through the room.

"Da fuck?" Cora asked as she looked to the ceiling before shrugging and looking back at the scene.

"What…" Regina muttered, her eyes wide as she looked to her mother.

"Well this is just fucking great. This family tree keeps getting better and better." Emma mumbled as she looked at the ground.

"I've had a sister… all this time and you never bothered to mention?" Regina asked her mother, her voice laced with anger.

"I didn't have my heart and I couldn't just show up in the Enchanted Forest with a baby. Your father would have had a heart attack… and quite frankly I was really really high on some magic mushrooms from Wonderland so I honestly thought it was just a dream where I had a baby and dropped her off in OZ… I woke up later in a field so I thought it was just a bad trip." Cora explained.

"Yes well thank you so much for that experience." Zelena said with anger.

"I'm so sorry… I had no idea." Cora said sincerely.

"Wait… Why is she green?" Emma asked.

"Yeah who did the horrible paint job?" Cora asked seriously as she gestured to the woman's ungodly skin tone.

"A man I would like to find again, except he fled after he did this to me." Zelena explained.

"Who?" Elphaba asked curiously.

"The Wizard." Zelena answered with a sigh.

"My father." Elphaba acknowledged.

"Wait…" Cora said making a pumping the breaks motion. "The wizard turned Zelena green… and he's your father?"

"Yes."

"You never thought to mention that." Cora said with a roll of her eyes.

"It never really came up." Elphaba replied with a shrug.

"My head hurts." Emma whined as she massaged her temples.

"I know dear." Regina agreed, taking the blonde in her arms and gently kissing her head.

"So why did you want us to come to Oz?" Cora asked, "I'm assuming you're the one who interrupted our very serious and fierce ship war."

"I wanted you to see what you created. What your abandonment created." Zelena answered with a wicked grin.

"Wow Cora, you kept Regina and manipulated her and kept her from living her life and forced her to marry some old ass dude whose daughter was only a few years younger, and she then later turned into the Evil Queen. And you abandoned your _other_ daughter and she turned out to be the Wicked Witch of the West 2.0." Emma rattled off, making sure she covered everything, "A fucking plus parenting there."

Cora grumbled and kicked at the ground.

"Not to mention the woman herself is Queen of Hearts." Regina added.

"I'M SORRY OKAY?!" Cora exploded. "You try and make a queen and look at the shit it gets you."

"I COULD HAVE BEEN QUEEN." Zelena growled out, her skin glowing slightly.

"I wish you would have been, at least you would've dealt with Leopold instead of me." Regina muttered with distaste.

"You had everything and I had nothing!" Zelena shouted at Regina, making the brunette arch an eyebrow.

"Okay, girls." Cora attempted.

"I HAD NOTHING AS WELL! I had EVERYTHING that SHE wanted. Nothing I wanted!" Regina shouted back, approaching the green woman.

"Girls." Cora warned.

"Oh cry me a river." Zelena shot back.

"At least I can cry without melting!" Regina fired.

"Hey!" Elphaba piped up, a pout on her face as Glinda soothed her.

"GIRLS!" Cora shouted, separating them with magic barriers. "That is ENOUGH."

"Y'all are in trouble." Emma sing songed with a smirk as she watched how flustered her wife was.

"I apologize to both of you for everything I have done in the past. Now I have been spending the past few years with Regina trying to make amends with her and the rest of the family, and I will do the same with you Zelena if you give me the chance." Cora explained, lowering the barrier.

"We shall see." Zelena replied as she eyed the woman.

"I'm still prettier." Regina muttered.

Zelena's eyebrows rose and she was about to blast her half-sister with magic but Cora threw the barriers back up.

"Regina stop being petty, you have a baby of your own you have to take care of back home, you don't need to act like one." Cora reminded.

"You have a baby?" Zelena asked, her eyes lighting up in a way that sent a shiver down Emma's spine.

"Her name is Lily Swan-Mills." Emma answered with a soft smile.

"And you two are…" Zelena gestured between Regina and Emma, "Together?"

"Married actually." Regina answered.

"Married… To another woman?" Zelena asked, disgust evident in her voice.

"No homophobes in this family missy." Cora said firmly, wagging a finger at her oldest daughter.

Zelena made a 'humph' sound and absentmindedly looked around the room, "I suppose you can return to wherever you came from." She said, her eyes finally landing on their strange clothes that certainly weren't from any of the worlds she visited.

"Are you coming with us Greenie?" Regina asked innocently, but Emma could sense the teasing tone behind the words.

Zelena's eyes narrowed, "Of course, _sis._ "

"Please, call me Queenie, that way it serves as a reminder of everything I was and am and you will never be."

"SHOTS FIRED!" Cora yelled out with a smirk at her daughter's sass.

"Cora you realize they are both your kids right?" Emma asked with a smirk.

"Yeah but I kinda wanna pit them against each other and see who wins." Cora replied before she trailed off.

Emma and Cora looked at each other and smirked, waiting to see who the other thought would win the fight, and answered at the same time.

"Regina."

* * *

**A/N: I hope that you all enjoyed this chapter :). I do NOT know when I will be able to update again, probably not for a couple weeks. Sorry guys.**

**The semester is winding down and I graduate here in May, so I have A LOT of work to do yet. So I apologize in advance. Please don't forget to review.**


	33. EmmaJabba

 

**Hello pets, I realize that it has literally been forever since I updated. My life has been crazy. Between going to Brazil and then being home and working and the gf being here and grad school and more working and homework... I have had absolutely zero time. This chapter took weeks to churn out because I have been so busy.**

**I hope you all enjoy it. I will try and update again soon. I hope!**

**As usual, reviews are welcomed and encouraged. :)**

**Disclaimer: All characters and references do not belong to me but to OUAT and yeah...**

* * *

_**Update to the Chapter. I created a twitter account strictly for AWCM, including updates, facts, etc. Little shit. So if you wanna follow it is Cora_Mills AWCM. Thanks.** _

* * *

Cora awoke with a yawn so large that it startled her out of her sleep-induced haze. She blinked her eyes and glanced around the familiar room in Regina's home, that used to be her home as well.

"The fuck am I doing back here?" Cora wondered aloud before yawning again and standing, stretching, and heading out the door to get some breakfast.

She heard a small amount of commotion coming from the kitchen and figured that Regina was busy making breakfast for Emma and Henry, probably already having fed Lily.

 _Wait, why would Regina be home from the hospital already._ Cora thought as she made her way to the kitchen.

"MORE FOOD!" Came a deep and throaty rumble, that sounded slightly feminine.

"Da fuck was that?" Cora asked quietly before peaking around the corner to take a look into the kitchen.

Regina's hair was frazzled as she quickly whipped up batch after batch of pancakes and bacon. She hurriedly placed them on a large serving plate and presented it to-

"OH SWEET MERCIFUL OZ WHAT THE FUCK IS _**THAT**_?!" Cora screamed out as she took in the sight of the gigantic round blob that sat on a very large bean bag.

"KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE!" Cora screamed out as she lit a fireball and prepared to throw, until the gigantic blob turned it's massive head to look at her. " _ **EMMA**_?!"

The blob wasn't a random blob at all, it was Emma, easily being the size of a mini van.

"Food." Emma said seriously, eyeing Cora up like a hot dog.

"Regina who the fuck invited Jabba the Hut to breakfast?" Cora asked seriously.

"Don't make any sudden movements mother." Regina said seriously.

"Why? What's porky the pigs mama gonna do? She can't even fucking move?!" Cora asked seriously, gesturing to Emma's immense size.

"Emma honey, here are your pancakes." Regina said in a soft tone, gingerly handing the pancakes to Emma and watching as she ate them at a fast pace.

"Regina what the fuck is happening here? How did Emma get the size of the Empire State Building?"

"I don't... I don't remember. I just remember staring at pancakes and making them and turning around and seeing... That." Regina gestured to her wife.

"Where are Henry and Lily?" Cora asked seriously, almost fearfully.

"I... I think she ate them." Regina replied seriously, a terrified look in her eyes.

"Jesus tits, I didn't realize we were dealing with Kronos." Cora replied back hastily.

"FOOD!" Emma rumbled out, her sharp teeth making an appearance.

"Oh sweet Jesus look at her teeth. What the hell happened?!" Cora asked with horror.

"I don't know but we need to find out." Regina replied, fear lacing her voice.

"Let's go have a chat with Rumple." Cora said. "Back away, very, very, very slowly."

The pair began to slowly inch away from Jabba's momma.

"Oh my god she actually looks like Jabba." Cora muttered. She hadn't realized when she came in but the beanbag she thought Emma was sitting on was actually her body, morphed into a reptilian like tail. She actually **was** Jabba the hut.

"Regina I'm scared." Cora whispered as they inched away.

"Me too mother."

"As soon as we get to the door we make a break for it and haul ass."

Regina nodded in response and the moment they were in the clear they bolted from the house like mad women. They heard a rumbling from behind and Cora glanced back to see.

"FOOD!" Emma bellowed out as she plowed through the house, taking out the door and most of the porch before slithering her way down the street and beginning to eat the neighbors lawn ornaments.

"Run like the wind Regina!" Cora screamed as they ran faster and rounded the corner and headed straight for Rumple's shop.

"Get inside!" Regina yelled as they burst through the door.

"Ladies do you _**mind**_?!" Rumple yelled out in alarm as he caught a vase before it fell off of the shelf from the force of the door being thrown open.

"EmmaJabba the hut, slithering, food, wants to eat, thinks we are hot dogs." Cora panted out as she and Regina slid down the door and sat on the floor.

"What on earth are you talking-." Rumple's voice died in his throat as he watched the massive blob that was Emma slither past his shop. "Oh dearie."

"Fix it. Fix her. Fix her now." Cora panted out.

"Perhaps the LA Fitness for Reptilian slug creatures gym would be beneficial?" Rumple asked casually.

In a flash Regina was in his face.

"You will help, or else I will destroy everything in this shop beyond even magical repair." She threatened, her eyes flashing with purple fire.

"How did she become like this?" Rumple asked as Regina moved away from his face.

"We don't know. We both don't remember anything past this morning about it." Cora replied.

"What's the last thing that you remember?" Rumple asked as he began to rummage through his magical vials.

"Well let's see." Cora said as she thought, "I remember talking with Emma... In...huh... I can't remember." Cora finished.

Regina was concentrating hard as she began to think.

"Wait.. I remember Oz... And green."

"Elphaba?"

"No no... The shade of green was wrong... This green was almost like a lime that had been photoshopped with glitter and looked incredibly fake."

"I remember that shade as well." Cora replied as the memory began to surface.

"I remember a name as well... Z-z-z something." Regina muttered.

"Zucchini?" Cora asked.

"Yes! That's it that's the name!.. I think." Regina replied.

"Okay so you remember being in Oz and zucchini... Very helpful ladies." Rumple muttered before glancing up and seeing Emma's form slithering near the shop once more, her massive head peering in through the window. "We have company."

"Poof away poof away!" Cora yelled out.

Cora and Regina poofed away just as Emma barreled through the store.

* * *

Hook sat lounging on his ship, having his morning bottle of rum and enjoying the sunshine.

"Ah. This is the life." Hook said to himself as he laid back.

*poof*

Suddenly there was someone on him, startling him so much he fell out of his hammock and tumbled to the floor.

"Bloody hell!" Hook exclaimed as he sat up, "Cora what the fuck are you and Regina doing on my ship?!" Hook demanded as he helped his captain up and then Regina.

"EmmaJabba, moby dick, monster, big." Regina mumbled as she gained her balance.

"Easy now loves. What happened?"

Hook listened as the two women told their tale, including their visit with Rumplestiltskin.

"What you speak of sounds familiar to me as well, but vaguely. I remember a brief flash of green... And then a monkey with wings."

"I don't remember anything about that." Cora said.

"Wait it's coming back... I remember being dragged into a castle with you lot and normal Emma... And I remember the Zucchini you speak of... And a flying monkey and being carried off to a field of red." Hook finished.

"Field of red?" Cora asked suspiciously. "What exactly was the cause of the redness?"

"It smelled sweet. So probably flowers." Hook answered with a shrug.

"Poppies." Regina and Cora said at the same time.

"This isn't real. It's a dream." Cora said with a grin. "And since it's a dream... I can do whatever I want."

"Mother no!"

"Adios motherfuckers!" Cora said before poofing away.

* * *

Of course, Cora was concerned about the fact that somehow they were trapped in a dreamland that was specifically created for them, by the use of poppy flowers. However, it was still a dream and Cora did enjoy fucking shit up.

She peaked around the corners of the building, making sure that EmmaJabba was nowhere in sight, before quietly approaching behind her arch-nemesis.

Cora very slowly stood up and prepared to strike, when Rachel Tice spun around, eyes dead, and causing Cora to stop in her tracks.

"Um… Well this is awkward." Cora muttered to herself as she was frozen on the spot.

"Hello Cora." The hollow voice said, transmitting through Blue's mouth.

"The fuck Rachel?"

"Rachel isn't home Cora." The voice said, "I'm sure you're curious as to how you got here."

"Well I remember something green and it had the name Zucchini."

"IT IS ZELENA!" The voice raged.

"Zelena? Huh… I could've sworn it was Zucchini." Cora muttered to herself. "OHHHHHH THAT'S RIGHT, I had a second daughter."

"Yes, that you dropped off in Oz when you were high on mushrooms." The voice deadpanned.

"Yeah… again real sorry about that." Cora apologized, her eyes pleading. "But seriously, what the fuck is up with using Rachel Tice? It's creepy as shit. Please stop."

The vision of Blue crumpled and in her placed was Zelena, minus the green.

"Much better… Wow you really look like me." Cora commented as her daughter looked at her with angry eyes. "Look I understand that you are still upset with me, and I don't blame you. But let us go and we can get a fresh start and be a family."

"I'm having too much fun fucking shit up to do that." Zelena replied nonchalantly, examining her nails. She heard a sniffle and glanced up at her mother, who had tears in her eyes.

"I… Am so PROUD of you." Cora cried out, "My daughter fucking shit up!" Cora proceeded to cry proud tears, making Zelena tear up a little as well.

"You're proud?"

"Of course I am, you and Regina are two peas in a pod, fucking shit up and wreaking havoc. Although Regina doesn't do that anymore since she stopped being the Evil Queen and got the stick out of her butt. Emma has tamed her too, so now it's just myself and the pirate fucking shit up… as well as some of my comrades."

"Comrades?" Zelena asked, suddenly interested.

"Oh yes… Do you have a moment to talk about our Queen and Savior?" Cora asked with a bright smile, as she held up a pamphlet with a swan on the cover, a crown on its head.

Zelena arched an eyebrow.

* * *

"My fucking mother, I swear to God I am going to ground that woman."

"No offense love, but she is your mother and older and I am pretty sure that you can't ground her."

"Oh no Hook, I am literally going to trap her in the ground." Regina growled out, "We are stuck here in this dreamland and my wife is a fucking slug monster."

"Yeah, bit of a rough break there love." Suddenly a rumbling came from nearby, causing Regina to grab Hook and hide behind the nearest bush.

EmmaJabba slowly slithered down the street, grumbling for food as she passed the duo.

"She's the size of the great Moby Dick." Hook muttered to Regina as they watched Emma's form slither around a corner.

"We need to find my mother, and this Zucchini." Regina stated as they stood from their hiding spot and began walking down the street.

"REGINA REGINA!"

"Mother?" Regina asked whipping around and locking her gaze on her mother's form running towards them, as well as another woman.

"Ello Captain." Hook greeted as the two women came to a halt before them. "Who is this lass?" He asked, an eyebrow raise accompanying the question.

"This is our mystery Zucchini." Cora stated proudly, "Zelena. Name ring a bell now?"

"Ah yes, my half-sister." Regina replied with a smirk, "Now I remember."

"I don't believe I had the pleasure." Hook commented.

"My monkeys flew off with you before we could be properly introduced." Zelena explained.

"Yes well, I would prefer to reunite in Storybrooke after we get my wife back to normal, I have a newborn to take care of." Regina commented with a bit of sass.

"What's wrong with your wife?" Zelena asked in confusion, causing everyone else to look at her strangely.

"What're you talking about? She's the spitting image of Jabba the Hut." Regina explained.

"I did nothing to…"

"Emma." Cora supplied.

"Emma" She began, "…all I did was trap you all here, you are all sharing the same dream, Emma has clearly created an illusion for herself here." Zelena stated.

"You're saying that Emma CHOSE to look like Jabba?!" Regina yelled.

"She's probably super fucking hungry. You know how she gets." Cora added.

"Wait, then how was Rumple here? He wasn't in Oz with us." Regina asked.

"Just a figment of your imaginations." Zelena supplied.

The group was so busy discussing Emma and Rumple that they failed to notice her slither up near the group.

"Food?"

That simple question caused the entire group to freeze and slowly turn around to face the monster.

"Emma… sweetie." Regina tentatively began, "We need to go home."

"Indeed Swan. We must-." Hook was unable to finish the sentence because Emma quickly swooped down and swallowed him.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT SHE JUST ATE HIM OH MY GOD!" Cora screamed before turning and running, Regina and Zelena running after her.

"We have to try and reason with her!" Regina yelled after her mother.

"FUCK NO SHE JUST ATE ONE OF MY SHIPMATES AND YOU WANT US TO TURN AROUND!?" Cora yelled back as she hauled ass.

"Does our mother run marathons? Because I am struggling." Zelena asked Regina in between pants as they ran.

"No. She just gets in trouble a lot." Regina replied before stopping abruptly and facing Emma.

"REGINA!" Cora yelled frantically.

"Emma… baby… Please stop eating people. When we get home I will make you a huge breakfast with all of your favorite foods." Regina calmly explained.

EmmaJabba looked at her curiously.

"I will make you anything you-."

Emma swallowed her in a gulp.

"OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE!?" Zelena yelled as Cora shrieked in horror.

"EMMA SWAN-MILLS YOU STOP EATING PEOPLE THIS-." Cora yelled before…

She ate Zelena.

"Son of a bitch." Cora muttered before walking up to Emma and offering herself as an offering.

"Food!" EmmaJabba rumbled before she ate Cora.

* * *

"OH MY GOD!" Cora exclaimed as she awoke in a field of poppies.

"Where are we?" Regina groaned as she awoke, followed by Zelena and Hook.

"Back in my poppy field. Safe and Sound."

"Hey guys where are we?" Emma asked with a yawn as she looked around, her stomach gave a loud rumble, "Fuck I'm hungry, can we get something to eat?"

Everyone just stared blankly at the blonde.

"What?" Emma asked.

Regina flung herself at her wife and kissed her senseless, holding her tightly and running her hands all over her wife's form.

"Well we should…" Hook gestured away from the women as he and Zelena started to back away.

"You kinky bitches." Cora said proudly before joining the pirate and witch and heading somewhere where they wouldn't hear the women's moans.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. i hope that it was good enough for you guys :) I'm sorry that it took so long to churn a Chap out.**

**Please leave reviews :)**


	34. The All Hallows' Eve Battle

 

**I'm sorry that this update took so long. I'm sure you guys are tired of me apologizing for late updates lol. But I'm in grad school now, and alas, I have little time to actually write what I WANT to write. But my semester is almost over so I hope to push out some more updates before my classes resume. *** **eye roll** *** ew school lol.**

**Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. It is a flashback Chapter, before Lily's birth. I wanted to do a Halloween related story since I hadn't done one yet.**

**As always, reviews are welcomed and encouraged. Enjoy.**

**By the way, if you are unfamiliar with the Mass Effect games, I suggest googling the following so you have a mental image:**

_**Femshep Mass effect 3** _

_**Garrus Vakarian Mass Effect** _

_**Wrex Mass Effect** _

_**Liara T'Soni Mass effect 3** _

* * *

_**Flashback story** _

_**Set one month before the birth of Lily Swan-Mills** _ _._

"But Reginnaaaaaaa, it's Halloween." Emma whined as she shuffled behind her wife. Regina turned swiftly, causing Emma to stumble back for a moment.

"Emma it isn't Halloween yet and no we are not going as that." Regina replied with an eye roll as she hobbled over to the couch and sat down with an 'oomph'.

"But baby you said that we would dress up for Halloween." Emma pouted as she sat next to her wife.

Regina sighed and looked at the puppy eyes and pout that graced her wife's face.

"Fine. What did you have in mind?"

"YES!" Emma shrieked in delight, lunging herself at Regina and hugging her and placing kisses all over her face.

Regina giggled and nuzzled Emma's cheek, distracting her and pulling her in for a sweet kiss.

"What is your costume idea dear?" Regina asked with a smirk.

"Do not laugh… But I want it to be a family event so that means Henry has to dress up as well." Emma said with a grin.

Regina rolled her eyes before replying.

"Let me see."

* * *

"Ruuubbyyyyy." Cora whined as she lounged on the couch, her head resting in her girlfriend's lap.

"Yes?" Ruby replied with a giggle as she looked down on the woman.

"What're you going as for Halloween?"

"I am going as myself." Ruby replied with a smirk.

"You're going as Red Riding Hood?"

"No. I'm going as the wolf." Ruby gave a toothy grin, her eyes briefly flashing golden before returning to their original color.

"Ohhhhh cool." Cora replied, pausing a moment, "I don't know what to go as though."

"I'm sure you will think of something babe."

Cora closed her eyes and pondered on it a little longer.

* * *

Emma whistled to herself as she headed to the station, happy with her earlier success at getting Regina to agree to create the costumes from magic.

"Hey Cora." Emma said in greeting as she approached her mother-in-law.

"Hello Emma." Cora replied absentmindedly.

"Something on your mind?" Emma asked, concern etching her face.

"I don't know what to go as for Halloween this year." The older woman said with a pout.

"Well I certainly wouldn't recommend going as what you went as last year." Emma cringed.

"Yes that didn't work in my favor did it?"

* * *

_**Flashback** _

_Emma and Regina entered The Rabbit Hole, glancing around the room at the ongoing Halloween party. Old world traditions and new world ones were mixed together, creating a creepy and exciting atmosphere._

" _Where's your mom at? I thought she would be here by now." Emma asked, her eyes squinting as she and Regina walked to the bar, searching for Cora._

_Emma had dressed up as a character from Harry Potter, Gryffindor robes, tie, sweater, and wand all in hand. Regina had decided to share in the idea, although her robes were Slytherin._

_They ordered drinks and talked to a few other denizens, Hook being one. He went as himself for Halloween._

_Suddenly the doors to the Rabbit Hole burst open, wind billowing through the bar and bringing unsuspecting leaves along with it._

_Cora, in her younger form, strolled into the bar._

" _I shall destroy your happiness." Her eyes fell on Regina, "If it is the_ _ **last**_ _thing I do."_

_Regina was seething, her own mother dressed up as her for Halloween, and people were applauding the costume._

" _Hello dear." Cora said with a smirk._

" _YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Regina shrieked before diving at her mother and tackling her to the ground._

" _Regina!" Emma yelped as she tried to pry her wife off of her mother-in-law._

_**End Flashback** _

* * *

"Yeah that didn't work out so well." Emma muttered as they both remember the incident.

"She yanked a chunk of my hair out of my head." Cora muttered with a pout. "Anyways, what're you guys going as for Halloween?"

"It's a surprise. Just be at The Rabbit Hole tomorrow night and you'll see." Emma replied with a smirk, already imagining herself in her costume.

"What's this about me bar?" Hook asked as he entered the station, taking a seat next to Cora.

"Emma and I were just talking about what we are going as for Halloween." Cora replied.

"Oh? What're you going as Swan?"

"It's a surprise."

"And you love?"

"No idea yet." Cora replied with a pout.

"Would you fancy going as something together? Have a theme?"

"Hook I am not going as a bottle of rum and you as yourself." Cora replied.

"Damn."

"I'm sure you will think of something Cora. Besides, you gotta have a good costume to go trick or treating." Emma replied with a smirk, causing Cora to bust out the puppy eyes and pout.

"I wanna go trick or treating." The older woman said with a quivering lip.

* * *

The Rabbit Hole was packed, as per usual on Halloween. Emma and Regina were planning on stopping in for a brief minute to collect Hook and Cora before getting Henry at Granny's and going trick or treating.

The couple entered the Rabbit Hole, Emma emitting a super sexy swagger in her N7 Armor and Assault nerf rifle in her grasp, and drawing the attention of everyone inside the bar.

Henry had gotten her hooked on the Mass Effect games and Female Shepard was a force to be reckoned with. Plus, she got to romance Liara.

However, Regina wasn't as thrilled with her part of the costume.

The usual brunette was blue head to toe, her hair covered by a headpiece that created the asari head tentacles of Liara T'Soni. Her protruding belly and body were covered by Liara's usual armor wear from ME2 and 3.

"Commander Jane Shepard of the Normandy and first human spectre, at your service." Emma announced loudly, a grin breaking out across her face.

Regina rolled her eyes at her wife, but a small smile graced her face as she took in her wife's excitement.

The couple approached the bar and Emma ordered them two drinks, beer for herself and water for Regina.

"Any sign of your mom?" Emma asked as she took a look around the bar.

"I swear to God if she makes a dramatic entrance, dressed as me, _again_ … I WILL destroy her happiness." Regina growled out, a little magic in the form of blue biotics circled around her body.

"OHMYGODTHATWASAWESOME!" Emma squealed as she saw the effect that Regina had been trying to perfect for her wife's sake. Regina chuckled at the blonde's excitement and took a sip of her water.

Suddenly a scream echoed throughout the bar and everyone rushed to the fallen dwarf, Leroy, to see what was wrong.

Leroy was dressed in his best Prince Charming attire, but was currently lying on the ground, an expression of fear frozen on his face.

"Leroy! What happened?!" Emma demanded as she helped the dwarf sit up.

"I got assassinated that's what!" Leroy began as he brushed off his attire, "Well, I would have been if it had been a real threat but whoever it was just did it for Halloween I guess."

"You didn't see who it was?" Emma asked.

"No I didn't. All I know is that I was pinned down on my stomach and something was pressed to my back and they said 'requiescat in pace'."

"I know that. Where do I know that from?" Emma asked aloud as she shifted her weight, the armor creaking a bit.

"It means 'rest in peace' in Latin." Regina chimed in.

"Why would someone attack you and say that and then take off? Did they take anything?" Emma asked.

"Yeah! My coin purse is gone. The son of a bitch robbed me."

"This looks like a job for Shepard and her crew."

"Dear, there is only you and I and Henry on your 'crew'." Regina reminded.

"Not true." Emma and Regina turned at the sound of the voice. "I'm with you Shepard."

"Garrus! I mean, August!" Emma said with a grin as she saw her friend, dressed fully in the costume of Garrus Vakarian a turian character from the games as well. "HA! Now there are four of us in the crew."

Regina rolled her eyes before nodding in greeting to August.

"Well let's go collect Henry and try to find this person. Perhaps we can find my mother while we are at it."

"You know, she may be behind it." August chimed in as the trio exited the bar.

"I doubt it, Cora didn't even know what she was going as for Halloween, and the woman isn't exactly subtle. Her and Hook are probably still arguing about what they should go as." Emma replied as they walked up to Granny's.

"FEAR ME, FOR I AM…. KROGAN!" Henry yelled at the top of his lungs as he charged at one of his friends, who just laughed and jumped out of the way.

"Look at the little Pyjack." Emma said with a proud smirk.

"Shepard!" Henry, or I should say Wrex, said happily as he trotted to the group, "And Liara and Garrus!"

"Henry can you see out of that mask alright?" Regina asked, her voice laced with concern. Henry was dressed as Wrex from the mass effect games, a Krogan mask adorned his face, while armor covered his body.

"I'm fine mom. Wait… where's nana and Hook… and Ruby? I thought we were all going trick or treating?"

"We have time kid, it doesn't start for another hour. But we haven't seen them yet. We have bigger problems anyways." Emma answered.

"What's going on?"

"Someone attacked Leroy at The Rabbit Hole and he didn't see who did, but all they said was 'rest in peace' in Latin." Emma said.

"What was the phrase?" Henry asked.

"Requiescat in pace." Regina replied smoothly.

"That is so hot." Emma whimpered out as she looked at her wife.

Regina merely replied with a wink before the couple turned to look back at their son.

"I know that from somewhere."

"Right?" Emma agreed.

"Let's go see if we can find anymore clues."

* * *

"Who is the next target?" The hooded man asked, coming to stand behind another hooded figure on the rooftops.

The figure merely pointed to the streets below where the festivities were being held.

"Ah I see. Shall we go then?"

The figure nodded before swiftly jumping from the roof.

* * *

A loud scream rang out through the streets of Storybrooke, just outside of Granny's diner.

"Someone is in trouble! Let's go!" Emma called, rallying her troops and running to the source of the scream.

"There!" August yelled, pointing to the two hooded figures that were swiftly running away.

"Regina, you and Henry stay here and block off the street, August and I will try and catch the perps!" Emma yelled back as her and August took off running after the figures.

The figures jumped up onto the rooftops, causing Emma to halt. She raised her nerf assault rifle and fired off a few shots, catching one figure in the back.

"I'VE BEEN SHOT!" The figure yelled out as they fell into a pile of hay that sat in the middle of the street.

"Who the fuck left this straw here?" August asked Emma as they approached the hay.

"Those fucking three little pigs. I TOLD them to keep their straw, and bricks, and twigs, out of the fucking streets. It's a HAZARD." Emma ranted while prodding the hay with her rifle.

Emma felt the gun hit something and brushed some hay aside, revealing a hooded figure.

"Alright, who are you?" Emma asked harshly, pointing her gun at the figure.

"You will never know." The voice replied.

"You sound familiar." Emma commented.

The figure coughed and spoke once more, the voice changing to a gruffer voice, "No you don't know me. Nope. Never met. Everrrrr."

Emma raised an eyebrow before gently moving the hood back with her gun.

Suddenly a flash of orange whizzed passed her while another struck her armor.

"I've been hit! Take cover!" Emma yelled as she dove behind a nearby fruit cart with August.

"Is it bad?" August asked.

"No, my shields took the hit." Emma replied, looking down at the nerf dart that rested on her chest. She pulled the dart off and loaded it back into her gun. "Let's rock this bitch."

August and Emma dove from behind the fruit cart, ready to fire. But no one was that.

"Oh crap on a spatula!" Emma growled out. "Let's get back to Regina and-."

Suddenly a flare went up into the sky.

"I think that's our party." August said before he and Emma took off running towards the flare.

What they saw was a war zone. Nerf darts flew threw the air and a slew of hooded figures were jumping off of rooftops and attacking other citizens.

"REGINA!" Emma yelled out, searching frantically for her wife in the war zone.

A dwarf flew by her, nerf darts covering his body as he hit the ground with a groan.

"Emma!" Regina and Henry called out. They had taken cover behind a cabbage cart.

"Seriously who the fuck is just leaving this shit out here?" Emma asked herself as she quickly ran to her family, "What's the situation?"

"The figures came out of nowhere and started attacking. I magicked up nerf guns for everyone and since then its become a total warzone. I don't think people will be able to hold out much longer." Regina replied before taking Emma's face in her hands.

"If this all ends tonight. I want you to know that I love you." Regina said dramatically.

"I love you too." Emma replied before engaging her wife in a passionate kiss.

"Yo. Kid here." Henry muttered to himself as his moms continued to make out.

Suddenly, a loud whistle resounded through the street and all of the hooded figures disappeared.

"Are they gone Ma?" Henry asked, peeking out from behind the cabbage cart.

"No. They're regrouping, and we should too." Emma replied before standing, "Alright everyone, let's regroup and refuel. Pick up any darts off of the ground and get ready for the next wave!"

Everyone did as instructed while Emma and Regina began creating a small fortress out of cabbage carts.

"I didn't realize cabbage was in season." Regina said aloud as she stored the cabbage off to the side for later ammo.

"Hey can you make a cabbage canon?" Emma asked suddenly, eyeing up her cabbage cannonballs.

* * *

"What's next?" One figure asked the leader.

"No doubt they are regrouping as well. We must be swift as a coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon. With all the strength of a raging fire, and mysterious as the dark side of the moon." The leader said seriously.

"Woooow. So inspirational." Another replied whimsically, sighing softly at the speech.

"Bitch you quoted Mulan!" Another figure spoke up.

"Hey! At least I said something!"

"Guys let's not fight! You're upsetting Mr. Skillywinks." The figure said pointing to the skunk that stood at their side.

"Oh my god, seriously? You can't go a fucking day without a furry friend."

"Um, love, we know she has some mental issues." The other figure whispered to the leader.

"Cora I can't see a fucking thing from this hood." Granny gruffed, pulling the hood back.

"Alright alright, everyone take the hoods off for a few moments." Cora instructed, pulling her own hood back in the process.

"Wow I can see Mr. Skillywinks again!" Snow said happily before picking up the skunk and cuddling him.

"I am so sorry- that you have to sleep next to that every night." Cora said seriously to Charming, pointing to Snow.

"It's alright. Mr. Skillywinks doesn't smell." Charming replied with a smile, causing Cora to raise her eyebrows.

"I meant White Chocolate but okay that isn't weird as fuck or anything." Cora replied before turning to face Hook. "Are we all set with ammo?"

"Indeed we are Captain."

"Excellent. Alright everyone, hoods back up!" Cora instructed before pausing dramatically, "Let's rock this bitch."

* * *

"Alright everyone, get into your positions and stay quiet. Keep your eyes on the rooftops!" Emma called out before taking cover next to August and Regina.

"How long do you think it will take? I wanna have time to go trick or treating." August whispered to Emma.

"It shouldn't last too long, this will probably be the last round and then we can all go and get some candy. Speaking of, I think Mother Goose is giving out three musketeer bars this year."

"Oh! My favorite!" August replied excitedly before he was hit in the head with a cabbage.

"Shut up Mr. Booth, you will blow our cover!" Regina hissed before peeking up over a cart, "I see movement, get ready."

"Baby, stay low." Emma reminded before signaling everyone to take aim.

"FIRE!" Emma screamed as she dove from behind her cover and began firing at the hooded figures.

The battle commenced. Nerf darts flew through the air like tiny bullets of orange, striking targets down.

"CHARGE!" Cora screamed as she dove from a nearby rooftop and landed on a dwarf. Shooting him with a nerf dart before moving on to the next target.

Cora and her assassins ducked, dodged, and easily maneuvered through the slew of bullets flying their way.

"ATTACK!" Cora screamed before assassins rained from the sky, attacking multiple people.

"GARRUS!" Emma yelled out, signaling August to join her in her push. They took down multiple targets before she heard a shrill battle cry, "What the fuck?" Emma asked aloud, looking up to see a hooded figure barreling towards her from the sky.

A small skunk was falling with the figure, hitting the ground and barreling at Emma.

Emma raised her rifle and fired three shots at the skunk, striking him and knocking him to the ground.

"NOOOOOOO! MR. SKILLYWINKS!" The figure cried out, dramatically falling to the ground and clutching the skunk, holding him to her chest and raising him in the air. "I SHALL AVENGE THEE!"

"Mom?" Emma asked with a raised eyebrow.

The figure threw her hood back and charged at Emma.

"I got this!" August yelled out and fired shots and Snow, which the woman dodged easily.

"I got her!" Regina yelled out, releasing some magic in the form of blue biotics and hitting Snow and sending her flying into a nearby haystack.

"Seriously where the fuck are they coming from?" Emma muttered to herself as she looked at the haystack. She turned back to the battle, "FIRE THE CANONS!"

"Canons? No one said anything about canons!" Hook screamed to Cora as they ran and took cover.

The canons were fired; sending cabbages flying through the air and hitting multiple assassins.

"Look at the carnage." Cora said to Hook as they watched their men and women get leveled by cabbages.

"Aye, it is an awful site." Hook replied before peeking out. The canon fire had ceased but the battle continued. "Regina is vulnerable, I can take a shot."

Cora sighed dramatically, "she is too valuable to them. Take her out."

"Aye aye captain." Hook replied before taking out his nerf crossbow and running into battle. He ducked and dove, avoiding the oncoming fire. Leaping into the air he aimed the weapon at Regina.

Emma caught the action and her eyes widened in horror.

"NOOOOO!" She screamed, running as fast as she could and diving in front of her wife.

The world stopped, time slowed and Emma drifted in front of her wife. The nerf arrow came closer and closer to hitting Regina.

A loud pop resounded through the air as time resumed.

Emma fell to the ground, a nerf arrow stuck to her forehead, as she lay lifeless on the ground.

"Oh fuck. That ain't good." Cora muttered to herself from a haystack.

"Oh fuck." Hook muttered as he saw Regina's horror stricken expression.

"Oh fuck." Snow said from a haystack.

"Squeak Squeak." Mr. Skillywinks agreed from the haystack.

"I. Am. Going. To. KILL YOU!" Regina screamed before conjuring up some serious magick.

"I think I wet me self." Hook said aloud.

"RUN YOU STUPID PIRATE! RUN!" Cora screamed as she ran towards her daughter.

"Captain no!" Granny yelled out as her captain bravely shoved Hook out of the way and dove at her daughter.

The blast shot forward, consuming Cora in a bright blue light as she took the brunt of the blast to save her loyal squad of assassins.

"CORA!" The squad screamed as they watched the scene.

Slowly, the light faded and Cora lay on the ground, lifeless. Regina fell to her knees and cradled Emma's head in her hands.

"This fighting has to stop. Too many lives have been lost." Granny said sadly as she looked down on her lifeless captain.

"I agree. The fighting is over. Too many dead." Regina agreed as she smoothed Emma's hair from her face.

"Um. I think that may actually be accurate." Charming said with a horrified expression.

"We know mate, that's what we have been speaking of." Hook replied with an eyeroll.

"No I mean, people are actually dead."

"We know."

"No. Hook. ACTUALLY FUCKING DEAD LIKE THEY ARE BLEEDING OUT."

"What?" Hook said with surprise.

"She fucking shot me!" A voice cried out. The group turned to face the voice and saw a citizen lying in the street with an arrow protruding from him.

"Oh my god someone actually shot him!" Hook screamed out in a high-pitched voice.

"Who shot you!?" Charming yelled.

"GRANNY! HER AND THAT FUCKING CROSSBOW!" The man yelled back.

"Granny!" The group yelled in unison, making the woman stare back.

"Were we not using real arrows?" Granny asked.

"NO!" Everyone screamed.

"Oh well fuckity fuck me." Granny groaned.

"She shot me in the dick!" The man cried, "Why? Why did she shoot me in the dick?"

"I've got this." Regina said slowly. She focused all of her energy on the dead bodies and pushed forward some magick while she held tight to Emma's hand, drawing on her wife's magick.

Slowly, the blood disappeared and the denizens came back to life as their wounds closed and the arrows disappeared.

"Okay is everyone alive? Good, let's get all the fake dead up and moving now." Hook instructed.

Regina pulled the nerf dart from her wife's forehead with a pop.

"Hi baby." Emma said happily as Regina placed a kiss to her forehead.

"You're an idiot." Regina replied with a smirk.

"But I'm _your_ idiot." Emma grinned.

"Just fuck already." Cora said as she stood, dusting herself off.

"Captain!" Hook and Granny exclaimed happily, pulling the woman into a hug.

"It's good to be alive. Once again, you all fought bravely and admirably!" Cora yelled to her troops.

She glanced at the crossbow in Granny's hand, "I'm just gonna take this though." Cora said softly as she removed it from Granny's grasp.

"Hey guys." Henry said as he approached the battleground, all of the other kids in tow.

"Hey Henry, where've you been? You missed a battle." Emma said to her son as she and Regina stood.

"I went to gather the other kids. We wanna go trick or treating now."

All of the adults looked to each other and nodded before going to their children and walking them back home.

* * *

Cora, Henry, and Hook all took off to go trick or treating together while Emma and Regina handed out candy to the other kids.

"I think Lily enjoyed Halloween." Regina said with a light laugh as she felt the baby kick a little in her stomach.

"Imagine the Halloweens when she is old enough to partake in the festivities." Emma replied with a laugh of her own.

"My mother will have her jumping on people and shooting nerf arrows." Regina commented with a trademark eye roll.

"And Lily will love every minute of it." Emma replied with a smirk before kissing Regina's belly.

"You think they will be alright together? The three of them off trick or treating on their own?" Regina asked her wife as she placed some candy in a ghosts pumpkin bag.

"Yeah they'll be fine! Don't worry baby. Henry is with two adults."

* * *

_**Meanwhile…** _

"THREE MUSKETEERS FUCK YES!" Cora exclaimed happily as she fist pumped the air.

"Aye, I do love a good candy bar." Hook replied with a smirk as he slapped Henry on the back. The three set back off down the street.

"Shall we head back to the mansion? Count our treasure?" Hook asked the group.

"You won't be going anywhere Hook." A voice said from behind them, causing the group to slowly turn and see.

Hook's scream was so high pitched that all of the dogs in the town began barking frantically. He fell to the ground and held his hands out and began kicking the air.

"No No! Don't take me!" He cried.

Belle was dressed as a bookcase and began to waddle closer to Hook.

"Not the books! NOT THE BOOKS!" Hook cried, "The paper cuts! OH THE HORROR!"

Belle moved forward, laughing wickedly as Henry and Cora began dragging the sobbing pirate down towards Mifflin Street.

"ANYTHING BUT THE BOOKS!"

* * *

_**Back at the mansion….** _

"Yeah I am sure they are juuuust fine." Emma said with a smile before kissing her wife sweetly.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Like always, reviews are welcomed and encouraged. MWAH!**


	35. Winter Is Coming

 

**Well guys, here is a new chapter of AWCM :) I hope you guys like it and enjoy.**

**Also, some shameless promotion. I'm writing a Clexa fanfiction entitled _Gladiators_ , rated M, romance.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

* * *

_**One year after the birth of Lily Swan-Mills…** _

"Captain! Captain!" Hook yelled as he ran as fast as he could. Hook rounded the corner to the warehouse and entered, panting and out of breath.

"Hook? What's wrong?" Cora asked seriously as she turned around, bouncing little baby Lily on her hip who was giggling. Lily had her little _FIRST MATE_ hat on as she happily looked towards the pirate.

"M'lady." Hook greeted to Lily, giving a bow. "Captain, I've heard words on the street."

"About?"

"A message. _Winter is coming_ …" Hook said, watching as Cora's eyes widened.

"Any idea if this is to be a war? Or a ship battle?"

"By the sounds of it Captain, both. Take over the town, and have their ships win." Hook said seriously.

"We must prepare for battle then."

* * *

"Emma!" Regina screamed.

"What what what's wrong?!" Emma yelled back, quickly sliding around the corner of the hallway and into Lily's room.

"Where is our daughter?!" Regina panicked. "She isn't here!"

"Woah baby calm down, she's with your mother." Emma soothed, taking the woman in her arms and kissing her softly.

Regina sighed contentedly and looked to her wife. "So she is perfectly safe then."

Emma nodded and went to kiss her wife again, but a puff of smoke distracted them.

They looked to Lily's crib, and there the baby lay, with a note attached to her.

"A note?" Regina asked as she took the note from the sleeping baby. She opened the paper and began to read, her eyes widening before handing it to Emma.

" _Dear Emma Swan-Mills,_ _I am displeased to inform you that your services are required, effective immediately. A new threat has presented itself and we are in need of soldiers with your expertise. Please come to the warehouse for a debriefing at approximately 14:00 hours this afternoon. Sincerely, Your Captain, Cora Mills_." Emma read aloud before flipping the paper over. "It says 'winter is coming' on the back of the note. This is some Game Of Thrones shit right here."

"I don't know what that is, but apparently you are being called to war once more." Regina said with a smile as she glanced at a sleeping Lily.

"Fear not my love, for I- your gallant knight- shall return to you." Emma said dramatically as she took Regina in her arms and dipped her, kissing her passionately.

Regina kissed her wife back and giggled at her antics.

"You had better get a move on dear, my mother will be displeased if you are late for your debriefing." Regina said seriously before squeezing her wife's ass. "And if you come back from war in one piece, I am sure I can find some way to reward you."

Emma's eyes visibly darkened. "Oh, start thinking now, because I will definitely be back to claim you."

Regina groaned before grabbing Emma and fiercely kissing her with all she had. Hands began to wander and things became more heated… that was until a certain baby started to giggle.

Regina and Emma separated and looked to their daughter who was staring at them with a large smile, and giggling, her little _FIRST MATE_ hat still on her head.

"My mother has already corrupted her." Regina said with a sigh and a smile on her face.

"Alright my love, I am off to battle." Emma said before walking to Lily and giving her a kiss on the head. "I shall return my offspring."

"Emma." Regina said with a chuckle before waving her hand and poofing Emma to the warehouse.

"Swan-Mills, reporting for duty Captain." Emma said as she saluted her mother-in-law.

"Swan, I'm glad you're here." Cora replied as she slapped Emma on the back. "We've made contact with the enemy. Their numbers are large, and there are a number of flags flying for their ships."

"Any of them shipping someone with Regina?" Emma asked as Hook joined the group.

"Aye. Outlaw Queen is back I'm afraid, as well as SwanFire." Hook began. "There's also a ship called DragonQueen, FrozenSwan, and some CaptainSwan forces as well."

"Hook, can we trust you? I mean… your ship is out there." Emma said, causing Cora to look suspiciously at the pirate.

"Yes Hook. Can we trust you?!" Cora demanded, shoving the pirate into a wall and glaring him down.

"Of course you can Captain." Hook replied sincerely. "I never had a shot with Swan anyways, and she has clearly been in love with Regina for as long as I can remember."

"Good." Cora said. "Because no one, _fucks with my ship_." She growled out before moving away from the pirate.

"If we can trust Hook, we could use him to infiltrate their ranks." Emma suggested.

"I like the way you think Swan." Cora said seriously. "Hook, I want you to infiltrate their group. Find out what their plans are."

"Aye aye Captain."

"Load up on weapons before you go." Cora instructed, watching as Hook nodded and headed to the armory.

"So what do we do now?" Emma asked.

"We prepare for battle." Cora said seriously.

* * *

"Captain!" Strangers called as Hook approached the group with his flag waving above them.

"Ah, hello there mates." Hook greeted awkwardly. "What brings you to Storybrooke?"

"We came for the war of course! The battle for Emma Swans heart." A soldier said with a smile.

"Yes, you're her True Love!" Another said happily.

"Ah yes. Yes I am! I will obtain her heart, because I am her True Love." Hook announced awkwardly before smirking. "So laddies, and lasses, who is in charge of this whole thing?"

"That would be Elsa, Captain. She's the leader of this whole group."

"Elsa? The lass from Arendale?" Hook asked the group.

"Yes of course!"

"Well that certainly explains the snow." Hook said as he kicked at he white fluff. "Did she bring anyone else with her?"

"Well you're the captain of our ship. Robin is captain of the Outlaw Queen unit, Neal is the captain of the SwanFire unit, Elsa is captain of the FrozenSwan unit, and Cruella de Vil is captain of the DragonQueen unit. Maleficent doesn't appear to be very concerned about her ship." A soldier explained, causing Hook's eyebrows to rise.

"I see. Well lads, when do we strike the enemy?" Hook asked.

"At dawn." A soldier replied.

"I see. You know lads, I launched a battle for Emma's heart a few years ago and I lost, but it was one hell of a fight."

"Yeah, the Hookers, I recall." A soldier said with a smirk. "Horrid name for a group though. What did you do, roll up on bicycles?"

"I'll have you know it was all we could obtain at the time you periwinkle little shit." Hook replied through gritted teeth. "And there was nothing wrong with the name!"

"Do not insult the captain!" A soldier said before kicking his comrade.

"Yes. It was a fierce battle. I had many followers once." Hook said.

"I heard you joined up with Captain Cora and the Swan Queen armada, as they call themselves."

"I had, to get closer to Emma of course and win the lasses heart." Hook said with a smirk.

"I think we should show him our secret weapon." A soldier said suddenly with a grin.

"Show him." The other instructed.

Suddenly a large abominable iceman appeared from the snow, as well as at least twenty more.

Hook's mouth flopped like a fish as he stared at the monsters, his pants suddenly growing warm.

"Excuse me lads, I need to take a piss." Hook said before walking off and escaping his soldiers. He checked around to make sure no one was in sight before running back to the warehouse as fast as he could.

"AHHHHHHHHH SWEET MOTHER OF EMMA OH MY FUCKING JOLLY CRACKERS WHAT IN ZEUS' NAME ARE THOSE THINGS!" Hook screamed, tears running down his face as he flew into the warehouse.

"Hook?" Cora asked worriedly.

"CAPTAIIINNN THEY HAVE BIG ICE PEOPLE." Hook cried as he fell to the ground panting.

"Ice people?" Emma asked as she came to stand next to the scene.

"Giant monsters…made of ice." Hook panted out.

"Granny!" Cora called.

"Yes Captain?"

"Get me as many flamethrowers as you can."

Granny smirked. "Oh yeah, we finally get to light these bitches up."

"Yeah yeah, just don't fart around them." Cora said seriously, causing Granny to give her the finger before heading off to get flamethrowers.

"What else did you learn Hook?" Emma asked.

"They're going to attack at dawn. The ship captains are Robin, Neal, Elsa, and Cruella. Also, there are at least twenty of those icemen." Hook said, still laying on the floor and absentmindedly stroking it.

"Hook I know its your True Love but please stop stroking it." Cora asked.

"Sorry Captain."

"Anything else?"

"They have a vast army Captain, we have our work cut out for us."

"Don't worry Hook. No one is gonna sink my ship." Cora began. "If Cruella is truly here… then we have a secret weapon."

"What is it Captain?" Hook and Emma asked in unison.

"Get me White Chocolate."

* * *

It was dawn. The air was still as a soft breeze blew across Storybrooke, carrying snowflakes with it. Cora and her troops were ready for battle, all of them wearing fur armor and boots, wooden swords and battle-axes attached to their sides and backs, and shield at the ready. Cora smeared war paint under her eyes and her face before passing the paint down the line.

The enemy army began to march forward, a rumble sounding every time the icemen took a step.

"Everyone ready for battle?" Cora addressed her troops.

"AYE AYE CAPTAIN!" Came the reply.

"You all are wonderful friends, and loyal soldiers. I am so proud to have served with such an amazing group of shippers." Cora began. "Today, some of you may not leave this battlefield. But know this, the Swan Queen armada will live on and will fight every day, against any enemy. We are the most formidable, the proudest, and the most dedicated, out of all the other ships. But most importantly, we are the largest, and there is strength in numbers!" Cora yelled, gaining a rowdy cheer as the armada bashed their weapons against their shields.

"SWAN QUEEN ARMADA, RECITE THE CREED!" Hook yelled.

"We are the Swan Queen Armada, Our ship shall sail and will not sink, We ship Regina Mills and Emma Swan, We sail proud and true, We are not just a ship, or an armada… WE ARE A NATION! SWAN QUEEN NATION!" The armada called.

"Amen." Snow said with a smile as she adjusted a bundle under her fur armor.

"White Chocolate, you ready?" Cora asked.

"Lock and load bitches." Snow replied with a smirk.

"Seriously Ma, we need to get you to therapy." Emma said seriously.

"Granny, you ready?" Cora asked.

Granny held up a lighter and let loose a mighty fart, lighting the lighter and holding it near her rear end. A blast of fire shot out and she removed the lighter.

"Alright I assume that was a yes then." Cora mumbled before looking to her comrades. "Let's fuck these guys up."

"FOR THE PUPPIES!" Snow cried as she rushed forward, causing Emma and Hook to look at each other strangely before shrugging and running after her with battle cries.

The battle commenced.

Immediately it was fierce. Screams and war cries echoed across Storybrooke, travelling with the blowing snow. Cora, Emma, and Hook fought side-by-side, swinging their weapons and knocking down their opponents.

A loud engine roar drew everyone's attention, causing them to stop in their tracks.

"What the fuck is that?" Emma asked worriedly, her bright eyes contrasting against the darkness of her war paint.

"Oh no. Run, Emma RUUUUNNNNN!" Cora yelled as she pushed Emma out of the way.

Cruella had a decked out snowmobile that roared to life and cut through the snow with ease.

"White chocolate! Now!" Cora yelled as she pushed Emma behind a snow bank.

Snow opened her jacket and a litter of Dalmatian puppies sprung loose and played in the snow.

"PROTECT THE PUPPIES!" Snow yelled as a wave of her furry animal friends ran to her as the snowmobile approached.

"DALMATIANS, MY COAT!" Cruella yelled as she halted the snowmobile and chased after the puppies, screeching as Snows friends pounced on her.

"We gotta take out Elsa." Hook said as he knelt by Cora and Emma.

"Get Granny, bring the flamethrowers." Cora said to one of her soldiers.

"Cora there are too many of them." Emma said worriedly.

"Relax Emma. Granny will come."

"But Captain, if she doesn't-." Hook began.

"DID I FUCKING STUTTER!?" Cora demanded before hurling a snowball at Hook's head.

"YODA LEY HEEE WHOOOOOO BITCHESSSSSS!" Granny screamed as she slid down a nearby hill on a snowboard with a flamethrower strapped to her chest.

As she passed by the abominable icemen she hit them with the flamethrowers, making them melt into puddles.

"Wooooooohooooooo!" Granny yelled as she continued to spray the flames.

"HIT THEM WITH THE BIG GUNS GRANNY!" Cora screamed.

"INCOMING!" Granny screamed as she let loose a loud fart and pointed the flamethrower in the same direction.

"HIT THE DECK MEN!" Cora yelled as she dove into the snow.

All the remaining icemen melted instantly.

"Glad we weren't in the blast radius." Hook said as they peered over the snow. All the snow within the vicinity of granny was melted and gone.

"No shit." Emma added.

"Incoming!" Snow yelled as she swung from a nearby building, flying tree squirrels trailing behind.

"Oh man." Emma said as she jumped from the snow pile. "CHARGE!" She screamed to her troops as she led them into battle.

With the icemen out of the way the enemy soldiers began to fall one by one.

"We have them on the ropes! Keep it going!" Cora yelled as she knocked out a CaptainSwan shipper.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" Someone shouted suddenly as they came in hot on a flying monkey.

"Zelena?!" Emma, Hook, and Cora shrieked in unison.

"Eat our magic bitches!" Regina screamed as she hurled a fireball at the SwanFire soldiers.

"Regina?!" Emma and Hook shrieked, looking to each other as they watched the sisters lead flying monkeys to war.

"My little babies, all grown up and off to destroy people." Cora said with a tear in her eye.

"Cruella is down captain!" Snow reported in.

"Excellent. Where is she?" Cora asked.

"Over there." Snow pointed to the woman who currently sat tied up and just out of reach of the Dalmatian puppies. A few of Snow's forest friends stood guard and watched the woman.

"Find me Elsa, Snow." Cora ordered.

"Aye aye captain!" Snow saluted before diving into the woods and disappearing.

Snow pushed her way through the brush, attempting to find where Elsa was hidden.

She heard two men arguing and made her way there to check out the scene.

"Barney, go scout ahead for Elsa." Snow commanded a chipmunk. The little cutie saluted before running off and leaving Snow with the two men.

"But sir, I am Charming. I am the most Charming man in all the lands and I must ask you, have you seen a woman who would fit this glass slipper?" A dark haired man asked Snow's husband.

"No. MY name is Charming and… do you mean Cinderella?" David asked the man.

"Cinderella. What on earth is that? I must find the woman who has this slipper. She came through here, into the woods."

"The woods?"

"The woods." Charming emphasized.

"Ah… yeah good luck with that. Why are you looking for Cinderella?" David asked.

"Because… I wish to have her for my own."

"Do you love her?"

"Well… I… I'm not sure." Charming stated, his voice heavy with confusion.

"Well if you love her then you should tell her."

Charming laughed heartily.

"I was raised to be charming, not sincere." Charming stated seriously.

Snow watched as her husband slapped his hand to his face.

"Okay, I should not have came into the woods." Snow muttered before hurrying off after Barney."

* * *

"We need Elsa, we need to make them surrender." Cora panted. "My sword is breaking." She said as she held up her wooden sword, barely holding together.

"Yeah yeah I hear ya. I can't keep this up. I'm dying." Emma panted.

"I thought you had more stamina Swan."

"Yeah well… Regina's been insatiable since the baby was born… I threw my hip out last week. Totally worth it though." Emma commented.

"How did you manage that?" Cora asked as she stretched.

"Kitchen sex. I had her over the counter and I saw a quarter on the floor, got distracted because I thought 'oh look a quarter, that'll buy me a gumball!'"

"Of course! Gumballs are the best." Cora replied.

"So I bent down to get the quarter while I was still fucking her with the strap on and as soon as I picked up the quarter, pop! My hip went out."

"That put a damper on things."

"Eh not really. She told me that if I wanted to be paid for sex I'd have to prove that I was worth more than a quarter."

Cora raised her eyebrow.

"So naturally I kept going. Had to go to the chiropractor the next day and get put back in place."

"Did you keep the quarter?" Cora asked seriously.

"Oh yeah, spent that fucker on a gumball." Emma replied with a smirk before fist bumping her mother in-law.

"We have her! We have Elsa!" Regina yelled as she came running out of the woods with Zelena, twigs stuck in their hair.

"Storybrooke is fucked up. There is a musical happening in the woods." Zelena said seriously.

"Zelena, you are participating in a ship battle with wooden weapons… for sport." Regina argued.

"Yeah but… there's a musical." Zelena gestured back to the woods.

"So where is Elsa?" Cora asked.

"Snow is bringing her in, the forest friends are carrying her." Regina explained.

"She mad?" Emma asked seriously.

"Most likely, Snow's raccoon Benji ambushed her with a few other animals." Regina replied.

"Seriously, is no one concerned about the musical?" Zelena asked.

"Their numbers are dwindling and so far we have no serious causalities." Cora stated.

"Guys I swear I saw Meryl Streep. I've been watching her films, I think that was her." Zelena emphasized.

"That's a first for our wars, normally someone gets tossed overboard or something really weird happens." Emma said.

"Or Granny shoots someone with a crossbow." Regina added.

"IT HAPPENED ONE TIME!" Came the distant reply.

"Guys, MERYL FUCKING STREEP, really!?" Zelena yelled.

"Hey they're bringing Elsa in now." Emma said as she gestured to her mother leading her band of furry friends. The group began to walk towards the scene, leaving Zelena standing alone, dumbfounded.

"I APPRECIATE YOU MERYL!" Zelena yelled before running after her family.

"So. Elsa of Arendale. What say you?" Cora asked as she lifted Elsa's head with her sword.

"I say that I-." Elsa trailed off, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Yes?" Emma asked as she pulled Regina close to her and waited.

"I-."

"Yessss." The group inquired.

"I LOVE SWAN QUEEN LIKE ZELENA LOVES MERYL STREEP!" Elsa yelled, tears leaking from her eyes.

"AH HA!" Cora yelled as she pointed at Elsa. "Another shipper!"

"Yes thank you for acknowledging the fact that there is A FUCKING MUSICAL GOING ON IN THE WOODS!" Zelena yelled as she gestured.

"Not now Zelena!" Cora hissed. "Now, Elsa tell your armies to disperse. This battle is over and I have grown weary."

"As have we all." Emma added before pulling Regina closer and laying her head on her wife's shoulder.

Zelena glanced at the woods, "THERE IS A FUCKING GIANT WALKING THROUGH THE FOREST AM I THE ONLY ONE SEEING THIS!?"

"Everyone stand down! The SwanQueen Armada has won… and I will join their ranks." Elsa announced, eliciting a gasp from her army.

"But Captain Elsa!" Many shouted, but Elsa silenced them. "SwanQueen… is canon. Please. Do not make this harder on yourselves. Go home."

"Oh my fucking god there is a beanstalk and the singing is getting louder. I HEAR YOU MY QUEEN!" Zelena called to the woods.

"Emma, where is Hook?" Cora asked, looking around the battlefield but seeing him nowhere.

"I thought he was around?" Emma asked as she looked.

"Great, now we have to go save the pirate." Regina muttered before taking her wife's hand and leading Emma and her mother in search of the pirate.

"I'm coming Meryl!" Zelena called before rushing off to the woods.

"My lady!" Robin Hood called. "Perhaps I could win your heart?"

Zelena put her hand on the man's face and pushed him away.

"No time, Meryl is singing in the woods." Zelena said before rushing off and disappearing.

* * *

"So where could he be?" Cora asked as they stumbled through the thicket of brush.

"I don't- wait, do you hear that?" Emma asked as they approached the nearby area.

"Look." Regina said as she pointed to a small group of terrifying creatures.

"No please, I don't even like the cold." Hook whimpered as the creatures closed in.

"Oh my fucking… those are White Walkers." Emma whispered hastily.

"What's that?" Cora asked.

"Bad news. Hook is in serious trouble."

"Do we save him?" Cora asked worriedly.

"I don't know…" Emma began as they watched the White Walkers move closer to the pirate.

"I have an idea." Regina muttered before conjuring up something and throwing it at the White Walkers. "Hey fuckers! You like pie!?"

Regina hurled the pies at the White Walkers, drawing their attention away from Hook. They immediately rushed towards the pies, excited to eat the delicious goods.

"Pie!" Emma exclaimed as she licked her lips and attempted to dive after them.

"No, bad Emma. Pie later." Regina scolded, pulling her wife from the scene. "Mother, get the pirate."

"But... pie." Emma pouted as they left.

"Oh Cora, thank god. I was so afraid." Hook whimpered as she led him from the scene.

"It's alright Hook, we will get you to safety." Cora said before stopping. "Wait… where is everyone?"

"They were all just here right?" Hook asked worriedly.

"I thought so." Cora replied.

"Into the woods, Into the woods!" A group sang as they marched into the nearby forest.

Snow was among them, leading a group of her furry friends into the forest.

"They are singing." Hook commented.

"Nope, nope, we ain't doing that." Cora said as she turned and led Hook away from the scene. "I am not singing in any musicals. I don't care if Meryl Streep is in it."

* * *

**A/N: Guys I hope you liked this chapter! Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.  
**

**Also, if any of you guys like the 100 and ship Lexa and Clarke, check out my fic entitled _Gladiators_. Its rated M and under the Romance category. **


	36. Queens of Darkness

 

**Hey guys, finally another update of AWCM. I hope you guys like this chapter.**

**As always, reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Also, if you guys have Twitter and want to follow me on Twitter, my name is ChelseaMarcel14. :) Tumblr, love-order-chaos-repeat. Feel free to follow.**

**Also, shoutout to my Bestie for inspiring some lines in this fic :) Thanks pal! wild-hearts-run (tumblr)**

* * *

"It's an amazing opportunity baby." Emma began as she held the letter up for her wife's inspection.

"Yes but Henry is only fifteen years old. He's too young." Regina replied as she rocked Lily back and forth, keeping the baby from crying.

"Baby I know, but its just a two day trip and its going to look really good in the future. Colleges will be impressed that he did a trip like this. It shows he's interested in attending college, and maybe he will even want to go to this one. It's worth a shot." Emma said seriously as she inspected the letter.

Henry was invited to sit in on a college class. It was a way to attract students while they were young and encourage them to pursue college, namely the one where they sat in. He got the letter the day before and was excited by the prospect of it, and Emma wanted to see him happy. Regina, while she wanted her son to be happy, also wasn't ready for her baby boy to leave the nest just yet.

"I don't know Emma." Regina began.

"Damn baby, he's going for two days not leaving for the rest of his life." Emma replied with a smirk.

Regina returned the look before sighing.

"Alright, I guess he can go, but who is going to take him? I can't afford to leave. I have so much stuff to catch up on at work."

"I can't take him either. There has been some incidences with some swans." Emma replied seriously. "I can't afford to spare Dad… and mom is fucking crazy so that is definitely out."

"What about Ruby?" Regina asked.

"She won't be able to take off work."

"I guess that leaves…" Regina trailed off.

"Yeah. I don't like it either but she's been great lately so let's just let her take him?"

"Emma… my mother can barely drive a car." Regina defended.

"I tried to teach her." Emma defended, her hands raised.

"We will have to think of something I guess then." Regina replied before leaving the house, Lily still on her hip.

"Yeah but no one else could take him." Emma said seriously as she followed her wife and daughter from the house.

Storybrooke was quiet and the sun was shining; after all it was only eight in the morning. Regina looked around the street and sighed, wondering who they could ask to take Henry to his college sit in.

A subtle roar sounded down the street, causing the two women to look at each other curiously.

"What was that?" Emma asked as she squinted her eyes, trying to see what was down the street and causing the disturbance.

"I have no idea." Regina replied seriously, her eyes trying to find the source of the noise as well.

The roar grew louder and suddenly a sleek black and white car appeared down the street. The engine roared as it raced towards the mansion, causing both women to look at each other wearily.

"Should we run?" Emma asked seriously as she urged Regina to back up.

"Definitely. But we won't." Regina replied with a sigh as she recognized the car.

The car slid to a halt in front of the house. The driver door opened and a woman stepped from the car and looked to the two women.

"Hello darlings, positively awful day isn't it?" Cruella asked with a smirk as her companion exited the vehicle as well.

"Regina, lovely to see you again." Ursula said in greeting before walking straight to Regina and looking at the baby. "Hello there sweetie, I'm your auntie Ursula."

Lily cooed happily and reached for the woman. Ursula took Lily from Regina's arms and cooed and bounced the baby, causing Lily to giggle as Cruella came around and approached the women.

"Cruella and Ursula, I never expected to see you two here." Regina said seriously as she looked back and forth.

"Wait wait… Cruella De Vil, like THE Cruella, the Cruella that wanted to kill PUPPIES!? KEEP THIS WOMAN AWAY FROM PONGO!" Emma yelled to Regina as she frantically pointed at the woman.

"Emma calm down, she will not harm Pongo." Regina replied seriously, eyeing Cruella.

"Emma she was at the battle." Regina added after a brief pause.

"Oh… right… I forgot you were there. Your ass kinda got owned." Emma said with a smirk, causing Cruella to roll her eyes.

"Yes yes I was owned by the prospect of new furs and your mother had to go and ruin everything." Cruella replied dryly.

Emma chuckled a little before turning serious.

"So why are you at our house?" Emma asked.

"Actually we were looking for your Mother, Regina." Cruella explained. "Ursula and I were going to take a little road trip out of Storybrooke and wanted to see if she would join us."

Regina quirked an eyebrow, "are you sure that is a good idea?"

"It's a fantastic idea, Regina." Cruella replied with a mischievous smirk. "Besides, I hear that Henry has an opportunity to sit in on a college class, we could take him for you."

Regina and Emma shared a look of concern before turning back to the women.

"How did you hear that?" Emma asked.

"I have ears everywhere." Cruella replied nonchalantly, her eyes drifting over to a nearby bush where a chipmunk stood.

"Barney?" Emma asked as she saw the chipmunk. The animal gave a squeak as Pongo appeared and picked the animal up and carried him off. "Oh you're fucking kidding me. You can talk to them too?"

"Oh no dear, only the dogs. I have them carry out my orders." Cruella replied easily. "So, would you like us to babysit?"

"No-." Emma began.

"Sure." Regina said at the same time.

"OH baby you can't be _serious_." Emma stressed. "We are going to let our son go with the Queens of Darkness?"

"He will be fine Emma. To be honest, my mother will be with them and he will be protected." Regina reasoned. Emma gave it a thought before nodding in agreement.

"Alright fine. But as long as Cora goes."

"What about me?" Cora asked, suddenly appearing next to the women, a twig or two sticking out of her hair.

"Mother, what on earth were you doing, there are twigs all through your hair."

"Oh, just a bit of gardening." Cora replied with a shrug. "What's up bitches?"

"Cora, lovely to see you again." Cruella greeted.

"Cora, long time no see girl." Ursula said before shoulder bumping the older woman.

"I heard we are road tripping." Cora said with a grin. "When do we leave?"

"How did you hear about a road trip? They literally _just_ mentioned it." Emma asked, concerned that information was spreading so fast.

"Um… just… around." Cora said her eyes flickering to the woods.

Emma quickly looked in the same direction and saw her mother duck taped and hanging upside down from a tree.

"You know, word flies." Cora said quickly as she poofed Snow out of sight.

"Cora what the fuck?" Emma asked as she gestured to the woods.

"What what the fuck?" Cora replied in confusion.

"What the fuck is my mother doing duck taped and hanging from a tree?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about Emma." Cora said quickly before poofing her luggage into Cruella's car. "We ready? Let's roll."

"Cora what the-." Emma began again, but Regina stopped her.

"Let it go dear." Regina muttered, shaking her head and sighing as she looked at her own mother.

"Let it go my ass, I ain't Elsa." Emma grumbled. "I gotta get to work, I need to take care of some Swans. Tell Henry to have fun and stay out of trouble." She kissed her wife bye and then kissed her daughter before heading off.

"We will go pick up Henry, Regi." Ursula said as she handed Lily back to her mother. "See you in two days."

"I am going to regret this." Regina muttered as she watched the car speed off down the road.

* * *

"Nana, how long of a drive is it to Boston?" Henry asked. He tried to remember but it had been awhile.

"A few hours Henry." Cora replied as she smiled at her grandson.

"Nana… is that Hook?" Henry asked, pointing to a drag queen standing on the side of the road.

"What the… Cruella pull over." Cora commanded. Once the car stopped, the drag queen approached the car.

"Captain?" Hook asked. His beard was still visible but long locks hung down to his shoulders, framing his face. Blue eye shadow adorned his eyes and red lipstick covered his lips. He had on his usual black leather, but wore high-heeled boots that came up to his knees.

"Hook… what the fuck are you wearing?" Cora asked as she eyed the man.

Hook sighed. "I lost a bet at the Rabbit Hole last night. I was gambling with Grumpy."

"Well that was fucking stupid." Cora scolded.

"I know I know."

"You look ridiculous."

"Oh!? You have something against Drag Queens?" Hook demanded, growing offended.

"I have something against badly dressed Drag Queens. I mean really Hook, RuPaul would _not_ be pleased." Cora said seriously as she gave the man another once over. "That blue eye shadow looks awful, you should have gone with black."

"Well excuse me!" Hook squeaked. "I did the best I could!"

"Well it ain't good enough! Sashay away honey!"

"FIGHT ME HELEN!" Hook yelled.

"HEY! Queen one and queen two, shut the fuck up." Cruella yelled, sticking her head out of the window. "Queen two, get your fucking ass in the car, we are road tripping."

Hook gave a 'humph' before flipping his coat and getting into the car.

"Oh this is much more spacious than it looks." Hook commented as he sat next to Henry.

"I know, it's a nice ride isn't it Hook." Cora said with a smirk as she bounced up and down slightly. "The seats are comfy and bouncy."

"So where are we going?" Hook asked as he removed his wig and began to remove his makeup.

"Henry has an opportunity to attend college for a day, so we are going to Boston." Cora replied, receiving a nod of approval from Hook.

"Darling… is that Maleficent?" Ursula asked as she pointed ahead.

Cruella looked ahead and quirked an eyebrow as she pulled the car over.

"I believe it is."

"MAL HEY MAL!" Cora yelled, drawing the woman's attention. "GET YOUR ASS IN THE CAR WE LEAVIN!"

Maleficent gave an amused smile before sauntering over to the car.

"Why would I want to go with you bitches?" Mal asked, a smirk on her face.

"Because we are going to Boston to have some fun. Storybrooke is positively boring." Cruella replied before nodding her head at the car. "Hop in."

"I see we have all the queens of darkness present." Mal said as she sat down.

"I'm not a queen." Hook grumbled.

"Hook, you were in drag. I think we can say you are an honorary queen." Cora replied with an eye roll.

The car ride itself went fairly well, the group sang along to every song that Cora's iPod played. Maleficent seemed bored through most of it, but couldn't help smirking at the antics of her friends.

"Wow this place is huge!" Henry yelled as he stuck his head out of the window and looked at the university.

Cora gave a whistle as she took in the surroundings as well.

"Now Henry, we just need to figure out where to drop you off." Cruella said as she parked her car and everyone exited the vehicle.

"The paper says I have to go to the Admissions building and register." Henry added. Cruella gave a nod and the group headed towards a large fancy building near the middle of the campus.

Henry's registration went quickly and soon they were handed a sheet that showed them where he would be staying for the night as well as his class sit in schedule. The Queens of Darkness got him settled in for the day and Henry was excited to explore the campus on his own. Cora gave strict instructions to Henry, asking him to check in with her every couple hours via text so she knew he was okay.

"The baby boy is all grown up." Cruella said with a slight sniffle.

"Are… are you crying?" Cora asked with a raised eyebrow as Ursula rubbed Cruella's back.

"No… I just have some fur in my eye darling." Cruella replied stiffly as she wiped her tears away.

"At least Regi got to see him grow up. I didn't even get to meet my daughter. Fucking Snow and Charming tossing her down a damn hole."

"Yeah about that… isn't it kinda weird that you laid an egg but the baby was human in the egg?" Cora asked.

"It's perfectly normal." Mal replied seriously.

"Oh yeah totally normal… Y'all just flying through the skies in dragon form looking for dragon dick, getting knocked up and then fucking pushing out an egg. Speaking of, were you human when you laid the egg or dragon form because I feel like that would've hurt."

"I WAS NOT LOOKING FOR DRAGON DICK!" Mal yelled loudly, drawing the attention of everyone near them.

"Apparently you were because you got knocked up! You don't even know who the daddy is, shit. Is the daddy human too or is he just a straight up dragon?"

Ursula snickered. "Mal lookin for dragon dick."

Cruella and Ursula started cracking up.

"I have to admit lass, it tis a bit strange that you just turn into a dragon and fly around all horny looking for a spry, young, dragon lad." Hook added with an eyebrow quirk.

"Can we stop talking about this? It happened years ago."

"Whatever you want dragon lady." Cora replied with a shrug before the group aimlessly walked around campus.

"So what on earth are we going to do while we wait for Henry to finish all of his stuff?" Cruella asked as they walked.

A group of frat boys yelled and carried on up the street as they carried two kegs to the house, clearly getting ready to throw a party of some sort.

"Ladies-." Cora began before Hook gave a cough. "-and pirate… I believe we found our entertainment."

The group smirked as they approached the frat boys.

"What's up fellas." Cora greeted as she approached the boys, who had already started drinking.

"Yooooo, what's up ladies-." A boy greeted before Hook gave a cough. "-and dude with guyliner."

"We would like to partake in your festivities." Cora said as she gestured to the kegs.

"Yeah? Awesome man. Come on in and we will get you some beers. The party is just getting underway." The boy said as he led them inside. "By the way my name is Chuck, I'm the head of this little operation. I should mention though that there is one thing one of you will have to do. Since you're the first to arrive, you have the honors."

"And what would that be, Chuck?" Cruella asked.

The boy smirked.

* * *

"Captain… are you sure that you want to do this?" Hook asked wearily as they stood on the porch.

"I must take one for the team if we are to drink at this watering hole." Cora replied seriously.

"You don't have to do this Cora, you could say 'no'." Cruella said.

"Just be careful Cora." Ursula urged.

"Oh please, the woman has to light a couch on fire, not fuck anyone." Mal said with an eye roll.

"Darling, if you did have to fuck someone, would you?" Cruella asked seriously.

"I slept with just about everyone in the Enchanted Forest… so yeah probably." Cora replied nonchalantly.

"Just be safe captain." Hook said as Cora turned and walked towards the couch soaked in gasoline.

She lit a match as all the frat boys and their guests watched in anticipation.

Cora tossed the match onto the couch and it turned into a roaring fire. The crowd cheered and whistled as Cora turned back to the group.

"LET'S PARTY BITCHES!" Cora yelled as the crowd went crazy.

The drinking commenced. Cruella and Ursula sipped their drinks off to the side, watching everyone and slightly judging their states of drunkenness together.

Maleficent was approached by a cute girl and was being hit on. Her eyes twinkled with amusement as she flirted with the girl, occasionally glancing over to Cora and smirking.

"I must say Captain, you never steer us wrong. We always have a good time." Hook said seriously.

"I do try Hook. Life is all about having a good time, it's too short to not enjoy it." Cora replied with a smile. "Now… that said, let us cause some mischief."

Hook grinned and followed the Captain. The two of them managed to find some rum and began to drink up. Hook performed his rendition of Drink Up Me Hearties, getting the whole party to sing along with him. The two of them began to get half the party involved in a small game of hide and seek… which stopped when Cora tried to hide under a girl's skirt. The girl gave Cora her number before sauntering off, leaving Hook 'humphing' with jealousy.

Cruella and Ursula got increasingly drunk and were dancing together on the floor. Mal now had three girls hitting on her, and Hook was doing a keg stand with some of the frat boys.

"Hey, you girls know this lady is a dragon in bed." Cora said drunkenly to the girls hitting on Mal, causing the blonde to glare at Cora.

"Oh really?" The one asked, her eyes lighting up.

"Oh yeah, a real nasty dragon." Cora replied seriously. "She's a kinky bitch too." Cora added before looking to Mal. "You're welcome."

Cora sauntered off to get Hook and managed to wrangle up some more fireworks.

They, and some frat boys, began setting off the fireworks on the balcony of the house.

"Taste devil fire!" Cora yelled as she shot off another firework and the crowd cheered and went wild.

The firework landed on a nearby lawn and started a small fire, causing the group to stop cheering and just stare at it.

"What do we do?" Hook asked as they looked at the fire.

"Put it out put it out!" Cora yelled as she through a half empty bottle of rum at the fire.

The fire grew larger and raged on.

"Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck." Cora chanted as she ran to the fire with Hook and attempted to put it out.

"Pee on it!" Hook yelled as he unzipped his fly and Cora popped a squat.

The fire died out and the two of them sighed in relief.

"Crisis adverted." Cora said as they high fived and turned around.

"We need you two to come with us." One police officer said as he looked at the two culprits.

"Ah fuck it's the fuzz." Cora said with irritation.

"Let's go. Barry, round the others up." The officer said as he escorted the two to the car.

Cruella, Ursula, and Maleficent joined them shortly in the SUV cruiser.

"Well this is a bit of a cucumber." Cora said as they rode to the police station.

"Pickle." Cruella corrected.

"What fucking ever Cruella, we are in the back of a police vehicle getting taken to jail. If I wanna say cucumber I'll fucking say cucumber."

"I can't go to prison… I won't last." Hook muttered. "I'm too pretty."

"Just don't pick up the soap." Cora muttered.

"They always go after the pretty ones." Hook muttered.

"How long do you think we will be in there for?" Cruella asked Cora.

"I didn't even wax before we left." Hook continued.

"Probably tomorrow…" Cora replied with a sigh.

"Do they use lube in prison?" Hook whispered to himself.

"We can't wait until tomorrow." Cruella whispered to Cora.

"I hope he's a handsome fellow like myself. I would prefer an attractive one." Hook continued.

"I know… henry." Cora replied with a sigh.

"Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. We could become boyfriends." Hook muttered.

"We need to get back to him." Cruella replied.

"Start a meaningful relationship and I shall wait for him until he is out of prison." Hook mumbled.

"He will be wondering where we went." Cora said sadly.

"Oh god, I am not ready for such a commitment." Hook muttered in realization.

"I hope he is alright." Cruella replied.

"I CAN'T TAKE DICK IN PRISON!" Hook yelled, startling the entire group, including the officers.

"Hook-." Cora attempted to soothe.

"I AM NOT MALEFICENT! I CAN'T TAKE DICK!" Hook cried.

"Hey!" Maleficent huffed.

"Hook you don't have to take any dick." Cora attempted to soothe again.

"I can't do it again! I can't!"

"Wait… again?" Cora asked suddenly.

"It's been years but I can't do it!" Hook cried.

"Hold up… you fucked a dude?" Ursula asked, her eyebrows raised.

"Aye. It was years ago and we were locked in the hull of a ship… the storm raged outside and things happened. It was the most beautiful night. I cannot have that memory tarnished by some filthy prison sex." Hook explained, turning up his nose at the idea.

The women sat stunned, their mouths flapping open.

"Well then… we shall not let that happen Hook." Cora said seriously as she patted the man on the back. "We look out for our own."

The women all nodded seriously.

"What are your names?" The officer asked the group as they exited the vehicle, needing to change the subject. He had heard some strange shit before but that was one of the stranger incidents.

"We are the Queens of Darkness." Cora said proudly as she looked at the man.

"Queens of Darkness…" The guy replied in disbelief before laughing.

He escorted them into the jail and locked them all in a cell together.

"Queens of Darkness. Ha." The guy said as he walked away.

"We need to get out of here Captain." Hook said seriously.

"Don't worry Hook, I am already hatching a plan…. Just like Maleficent hatched a human dragon baby after looking for dragon dick."

"Cora!" Mal yelled.

"Gettin gettin that dragon dick." Cora sing songed as she thought of a plan.

Cruella and Ursula held Mal back from attacking the woman.

"I got the plan. But first, we need code names." Cora began. " I will be Eagle One, Ursula will be code name 'Been There Done That', Hook will be 'If I Had To Pick A Dude', Mal will be 'It Happened Once In A Dream', and Cruella will be 'Eagle Two'."

"Oh thank god." Cruella muttered to herself.

"Now… let's bust out this joint." Cora said.

* * *

_**Meanwhile back in Storybrooke…** _

"Alright… this is sensitive… a very sensitive operation." Emma muttered to herself as she put on her Sheriff gear.

She loaded herself up with bird feed, fluffy gloves, and her sunglasses.

"Alright Swan… you can do this." Emma said out loud as she dramatically walked out of the police station and looked down the street.

In the distance, two swans walked down the street heading towards Mother Goose's house. The swans began ripping up the grass and knocking her lawn ornaments over before carrying on and running down the street.

"Time to catch some swans." Emma said as she ran down the street.

_**To be continued…** _

* * *

**A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this update. As always, reviews are welcomed and encouraged. :)**


	37. The One With The Swans

 

**Hey guys, here is an update for you all. It's pretty long this one :) So I hope you guys enjoy it. It's a little crazy, but then again, with this story, what isn't?!**

**As always, reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**So please review!**

* * *

" _Alright… this is sensitive… a very sensitive operation." Emma muttered to herself as she put on her Sheriff gear._

_She loaded herself up with bird feed, fluffy gloves, and her sunglasses._

" _Alright Swan… you can do this." Emma said out loud as she dramatically walked out of the police station and looked down the street._

_In the distance, two swans walked down the street heading towards Mother Goose's house. The swans began ripping up the grass and knocking her lawn ornaments over before carrying on and running down the street._

" _Time to catch some swans." Emma said as she ran down the street._

Emma ran after the swans, wanting to catch them and stop them from continuing their destructive path. She couldn't afford to have a citizen of Storybrooke harm any of the swans by accident. Therefore, it was up to her to save the day.

Emma pulled a net from her pocket and chased after the swans. Who, were running in a zig zag pattern attempting to escape Emma's net.

"Motherfucking swans, come back!" Emma yelled as she dove at the one.

It gave a loud honk before sidestepping the net and then poking Emma in the face with its beak.

"SONOFABITCH!" Emma yelled as she held her face. She got up and chased after them, losing them around a corner though.

"FUCCCCKKK!" Emma screamed before punching a nearby brick wall.

"Psst." A voice whispered.

"Hello?" Emma asked as she turned around in her spot.

"Over here." The voice whispered.

Emma walked down the street a little more and saw a figure leaning against the wall of a building, shrubbery covering their lower half.

"Who are- Mom?" Emma asked with raised eyebrows.

"Word on the street is that you're trying to catch some swans." Snow said as she took a drag from her cigarette.

"Yeah… I told you about the swans." Emma said slowly.

"I know where you can find them." Snow said as she blew out the smoke.

"Mom you don't even smoke." Emma pointed out.

"You don't know my life, now shush." Snow commanded as she gave a nod. A small bird flew down and landed on Snow's shoulder, chirping frantically.

"Oh great, talking to animals again." Emma muttered.

"Thanks Pepe, I appreciate it." Snow said to the bird.

"What did your little friend have to say?"

"The swans are at a nearby pond. Apparently, the swans are planning on attacking Granny's diner. There are three of them total." Snow explained.

"Wait, there were only two ever reported." Emma replied.

"That's the head swan, she's in control of the others. The ring leader." Snow explained as she took another drag from her cigarette.

"Blast." Emma muttered as she checked her small armory on her person.

"I need to go. I can't risk too many of the woodland creatures seeing me speaking with you. The head swan has minions everywhere. I don't want to get involved in it." Snow replied as she put her cigarette out.

"Thanks mom." Emma said before she began walking down the street towards Granny's. She needed to prepare the diner for battle. "Let's do this."

* * *

"So… that didn't work." Cruella said.

"Yes, I realize that Captain OBVIOUS!" Cora snapped. She had attempted to use magic to get them out of jail, forgetting that she had no magic.

"I can't believe that was your big plan." Mal said dryly.

"Yes yes I know it wasn't my best moment." Cora replied with an eye roll.

"I would even hardly call it a moment." Cruella added with a smirk.

"Oh shut up you fur ball." Cora growled back. "We need to bust out of here."

"Allow me to handle this lass. I have busted out of my fair share of prisons." Hook said as he walked to the bars. "Ahoy mate!"

"What do you want?" The officer asked as he eyed Hook curiously.

"How about you free me and my mates here." Hook said.

"I can't do that." The man replied.

"Really? Because that's a shame." Hook said before urging the man a little closer, "See, these lasses seem to fancy you and I'm sure that they would be very… _appreciative_ , if you let us out." Hook finished with a waggle of his eyebrows. "Catch my meaning mate?"

The officers eyes widened and a smirk grew on his face before he opened the cell bars.

A swift punch to the face landed the man on his stomach inside the cell.

"Honestly, you think these lasses would ever pay you a favor for freeing them? You disgust me, and that matey, is saying something." Hook said before taking the officers keys and urging the ladies from the cell. He inserted the key and locked the cell doors, trapping the unconscious officer inside.

"Good work Hook, now, we need to escape from this joint." Cora said seriously before waving her hand and urging the others to follow her.

* * *

"Alright, is everyone ready?" Emma asked as she addressed the few patrons in the diner.

The group nodded and readied their nets, awaiting the attack that was sure to come.

"Take your positions!" Emma called before diving behind the counter, her own net ready.

The door burst open and two swans entered the diner, honking loudly and rushing through the diner.

"Now!" Emma yelled.

The patrons threw their nets, landing them on top of the swans. The swans honked frantically, attempting to wriggle their way free of the nets, but to no avail.

"Gotcha! Finally! You two birds have been giving me a headache today, running around and fucking stuff up." Emma said as she stowed the birds into bags and lifted them over her shoulders. "It's off to the station for you."

The swans honked in the bags, irritated that they had been captured.

* * *

Regina just finished putting Lily down for her nap. She still needed to do laundry yet and tidy the house some before she could fully relax. She began to worry though as she hadn't heard from Henry or her mother yet.

 _Goodness knows what they got themselves into this time._ Regina thought to herself as she walked into the kitchen.

*honk*

Regina paused, curious as to the sound and where it came from.

*honk*

Regina turned around slowly, her eyes falling on a single swan. Her eyebrow arched curiously as she eyed the bird.

"Emma?" Regina asked tentatively.

The swan rose up and flapped its wings together, hissing at the brunette.

"Okay… not Emma." Regina muttered as she slowly backed away from the bird.

The swan caught her movement and charged at Regina, leaping into the air and attacking her.

"MOTHER FUCK-." Regina screeched as she caught the bird and wrestled with it on the floor.

She pushed the bird off of her and raced from the room, quickly diving behind a couch for protection.

She heard a faint hiss as she peered from behind the couch. The swan had entered the living room and was scanning the area for her.

"What on earth is an evil swan doing in my home?" Regina wondered aloud.

The swans head turned sharply, its beady hollow eyes looking straight at Regina.

The brunette gulped and ran from the couch and into a nearby bathroom, the swan on her tail. She managed to leap into the shower and hide behind the curtain as the swan entered the room, its eyes scanning for her once more.

Regina peeked from behind the curtain, watching as the swan approached the shower from the opposite end.

Quickly, with the speed of a terrified cat, Regina leapt from the shower and dove through the door. She stood and slammed the door shut, locking it from the outside and trapping the swan inside.

The swan's frantic and angry honking resounded from inside the bathroom.

"I hate this stupid fucking town." Regina said aloud through gritted teeth.

* * *

"Ha ha ha, you little white feathered fuckers think you're sooooo smart. Well, look at you now. You're in a cell. HA!" Emma mocked as she eyed the birds.

Her cell phone rang suddenly, pulling her away from her gloating.

"Hey baby what's up? You missing me already?" Emma asked her wife while wiggling her eyebrows.

" _There is a fucking swan in our bathroom!"_ Regina's voice yelled through the speaker.

"What do you mean there's a swan in our bathroom?" Emma asked, her eyes comically wide.

" _There is a white feathered swan in our bathroom. Emma Swan-Mills you will come home and remove this bird immediately! It attacked me!"_ Regina ranted through the phone.

"The head swan." Emma muttered to herself. "I'll be home soon baby, just hang in there."

" _Hurry up Emma… I'm scared."_ Regina whispered before hanging up the phone call.

"Mom, I'm going to need you to keep an eye on these two. The head swan is in my house and Regina is terrified." Emma said seriously.

"Emma… you can't leave me with these two, they're evil." Snow explained quickly, her eyes wearily glancing at the birds.

"Relax Mom, they're in the cell, get some of your woodland pals to help you stand guard." Emma replied with a shrug of her shoulders.

"But Emma-." Snow protested as her daughter left the room, leaving her alone with the swans.

They hissed at her and Snow gulped.

"I need some backup." Snow muttered before opening a window and began making animal sounds.

Emma paused outside the station and glanced back.

"That woman is so fucking strange."

* * *

"RUN!" Cora yelled as she and the Queens of Darkness hauled ass and ran from the jail.

They managed to get out of the building without being caught, but now they had to make it all the way back to campus.

"We need to find Henry." Cruella called as they ran.

"Indeed!" Cora replied as she picked up her pace.

They made it back to campus quickly, stopping to catch their breath in the quad of the campus.

"Wooooowww it's the party ladies from last night. Party duuuuuuuddessss." A frat boy called as he waved to the group.

"Nice to see people remember us." Mal said as she gulped for air.

"We still need to locate the lad." Hook replied as he waved his Hook to the frat boy.

"Let's check the library." Ursula suggested as she led the group to the large building.

The inside was huge and lined with books. They scanned the rooms as they walked through the library.

It took about fifteen minutes before they spotted Henry.

"Henry!" Cora called as she rushed over to her grandson.

"Shhhh." A librarian scolded, causing Cora to stick her tongue out at the older woman.

"There you are lad, we've been looking for you everywhere."

"So… much… work…" Henry said slowly, his eyes had a distant look in them as he looked at the group and his hands shook.

"Henry, are you alright?" Cora asked as she wearily eyed her grandson.

"I am never going to know what to do with my life… there's so much pointless work… I haven't slept… I'm on my 6th cup of coffee and its only 12 in the afternoon… I am seeing sounds and hearing colors… Nana, black has a strange sound to it." Henry said.

"What's it sound like lad?" Hook asked softly, concern shining in his eyes for the boy.

"Nothingness." Henry said, his voice dark and low.

"Well… College certainly seems… fun." Cruella said slowly, eyeing Henry strangely.

"Alright champ, we need to get you away from the caffeine." Cora said as she moved to take the cup of coffee away from Henry. The boy swiped it from her and grabbed his books and sluggishly left for another sit in.

"Regina is going to flip." Mal said with a smirk.

"Ah she'll be fine. I'm sure she won't even notice." Cora replied with a worried grin.

* * *

"Regina?" Emma asked as she tentatively entered their home.

"Over here." Regina called. She had set up a table on its side, facing the bathroom door. She had an arsenal of household items, which could be used as weapons, lined up next to her.

"What's the situation?" Emma asked as she slid in next to Regina.

"That swan is in the bathroom still. There hasn't been any noise though." Regina began as she peered over the table. "I locked it in there… it was angry at first but I haven't heard any movement since I called you."

Emma nodded and handed Regina a broom. "Hang on to this."

"Emma where are you going?" Regina asked worriedly, her voice cracking in fear.

"This house is only big enough for one swan Regina." Emma said solemnly.

"Emma no!" Regina whispered in protest so the swan wouldn't hear. "You might die."

"I have to protect you and our baby. I can't let this continue." Emma replied, her eyes brimming with tears.

"It's too dangerous!" Regina gritted out as she grabbed the blonde.

"I love you." Emma said seriously before pulling Regina tight against her body. She kissed her fiercely, pouring all of her emotions into that one kiss.

Emma then stood and grabbed a toy lightsaber from the floor.

"Let's do this." The blonde said as she flicked her wrist and the toy extended to its full form. She tentatively grabbed the handle and unlocked the door. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open and readied herself for the unknown.

The door swung open….

Nothing happened.

"Wha-?" Emma asked aloud, quickly scanning the bathroom and finding it empty.

"Emma." Regina whispered, fear coating her voice.

Emma spun around and her eyes widened.

There in the hallway, with a bandolier of nerf darts strapped over its body, was the swan.

"You." Emma greeted.

*honk*

"Let's settle this." Emma stated as Regina tossed her another lightsaber. She extended that one as well.

The swan almost smiled as it turned its head and pulled a small lightsaber out.

"What?" Emma asked, her eyes wide.

*honk* The honk was drawn out, as if the swan was feeling smug.

"Does that swan have fingers?" Regina asked suddenly, her own eyes wide.

"Ummm." Emma spluttered as she realized Regina was right, the swan had fingers at the ends of its wings.

The swan drew another lightsaber and extended them both at the same time.

*honk*

"I hate this town." Regina muttered as she sat back against the wall.

"AHHHHHHH!" Emma yelled as she charged the swan.

Originally she had set out to apprehend the swans and keep them out of trouble. After all, Regina herself ruled that swans would be under the Queens protection.

But this swan…. This swan she had to make an exception for.

Emma dove at the swan and their lightsabers crashed. They fought, the swan matching Emma's attacks blow for blow.

"This-."

*swing*

"Is-."

*swing*

"Ridiculous." Emma panted as she continued to fight the bird.

"Come on Emma! Kick that Aflac bastards ass!" Regina cheered happily.

The swan became enraged at the comment and continued to fight back harder.

"Great you pissed it off." Emma gritted out as they continued to fight.

"Why?" Regina asked curiously as the swan dodged one of Emma's lightsabers.

"The Aflac bird is a duck, this is a swan." Emma explained as she swung again. Once more the swan dodged the attack.

"Oh." Regina muttered before taking refuge behind the table as the two continued to fight.

"VIVE LA RÉSISTANCE!" Emma screamed as she took another swing at the swan, just as the swan dove forward at Emma, lightsaber poised to kill.

* * *

"So… now what do we do?" Hook asked as they stood motionless in the library.

"SHHHHHHH!" The librarian fiercely hushed out.

"EXCUSE YOU DON'T YOU SHUSH!" Cora snapped, death glaring the woman.

"This is a quiet zone, if you cannot keep your voices down I will be forced to escort you from the premises." The librarian replied, a death glare matching Cora's.

Cora gritted her teeth.

"You remind me of fucking Rachel Tice." Cora whispered angrily.

"Be quiet!" The librarian shot back.

"Maybe we should leave." Ursula suggested.

"And miss the fun? I think not." Cruella replied with a grin.

"Listen here you old biddy, I don't have to listen to you." Cora replied.

"YOU are calling ME old?" The librarian asked incredulously.

"What is THAT supposed to mean?"

"IT MEANS YOU'RE JUST AS OLD AS ME, IF NOT OLDER." The librarian growled out.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU HAG!"

"HOW ABOUT NO! SAGGY TITS!"

The Queens of Darkness all gasped.

"You cannot allow her to speak to you in such a way." Cruella said seriously.

"Kick her ass." Mal drawled with a predatory smirk.

"Alright gobble neck, let's take this outside." Cora suggested as she pounded her fists together.

The librarian stood and glared at Cora.

"I will NOT give into your childish antics." The librarian replied.

"Says the woman who called you saggy tits." Mal said with a smirk. "I think you should settle this."

"Of course you do." Ursula said with an eye roll. "I swear you have been a villain in all of your lives."

Mal smirked at this before looking back to the two women.

Cora was fuming and before the librarian could blink Cora pounced on her and tackled her to the ground.

Truth be told the woman was actually younger than Cora and quite attractive.

"She is actually quite attractive." Cruella commented as she quirked her head to the side.

"Indeed, definitely a MILF." Mal replied as the two women watched Cora and the librarian roll on the floor fighting.

"Aye." Hook said with a nod.

"Ugh you three." Ursula said, exasperation evident in her voice as she rolled her eyes.

"Aw don't be jealous." Mal said with a smirk. "Cruella, your woman is a tad jealous."

"Oh?" Cruella asked with a smirk before pulling Ursula to her and kissing her firmly on the lips. "Don't be darling."

"Hey, you Queens done?" Cora asked, panting as she stood over an unconscious librarian.

"Damn, I missed the end." Mal pouted.

"Let's go get Henry. I wanna leave this stupid place." Cora growled as she stomped out of the library, the Queens on her heels.

"Do you even know which class he is in?" Hook asked curiously as they walked.

"I saw the schedule. I think he is in one of the business buildings." Ursula supplied.

"You! Peasant!" Cora yelled as she grabbed a nearby young man. "Where is your business building located?"

"Um… it's Stright Hall and its there." The young man whimpered out as he pointed towards a large building to the right.

Cora released him and stomped off towards the building.

"She reverts back to her old self when she's angry." Hook whispered to the women.

"What was that pirate!?" Cora yelled, whirling around to face the man, her nose pressing against his.

"Nothing Captain." Hook amended quickly, releasing a breath when Cora turned back around and walked towards Stright Hall.

They entered the building and began peering in the classrooms. Finally they spotted Henry in one of the rooms and carefully entered, being as quiet as possible as they took seats in the back row.

"Um… Captain… is it just my eyesight, or does the lass teaching look exactly like Ruby?" Hook asked seriously.

Cora looked closely and was startled when she realized that the woman teaching truly resembled Ruby.

"She's hot." Mal commented.

"She looks exactly like your girlfriend mate." Hook said.

"I wonder if she's into women." Cora wondered aloud.

"Ummm Captain… you have a girlfriend who looks exactly like her." Hook reminded Cora.

"I know that! I just am wondering if she'd be interested in a threesome." Cora explained.

"There is no way she is going to sleep with your saggy ass." Mal said with a smirk.

"Ruby sleeps with me." Cora shot back as she stuck her tongue out.

"I know, its shocking."

"Not any more shocking than you flying through the air looking for dragon dick." Cora replied easily.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mal asked, her eyes narrowing.

"It means that I bet ALLLL the boy dragons know who to go to for a lay." Cora replied nonchalantly.

"Why you crotchety old bitch." Mal growled.

"Bottoms up." Cora said as she raised a potion to her lips and chugged it.

"What the fuck?" Mal asked as the group watched Cora reverse in age to her younger self.

"Never know when you'll need a disguise." Cora said with a wink.

Cruella's jaw dropped and Ursula slowly pushed it back up.

"My Captain is a sight to behold in her younger form, isn't she?" Hook asked the ladies with a grin. "I also believe that the captain will have an easier time convincing the hot lass to go to bed with her and her super hot girlfriend."

"I can see that." Mal said, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"Excuse me, but is there something you wish to share with the rest of the room?" The professor asked, her glasses slipping down her nose as she eyed the women in the back.

"With you, perhaps." Cora replied smoothly.

Cruella and Ursula smirked while Mal sat back in her seat to watch it all unfold.

"Nana?" Henry whispered, confused that his family would be sitting in the room.

The professor smirked, a light blush coating her cheeks as she dismissed the class.

"Ello lad." Hook greeted the boy. "You ready to head back to Storybrooke?"

"Yeah definitely. This was a nice change of pace but I miss our crazy lives." Henry answered. "Looking good Nana." Henry said with a smile.

"Thanks Henry. You all go ahead. I have some business to attend to." Cora said as she watched her group exit the building.

"Perhaps, now, you would like to share something with me?" The professor asked, her eyes curiously looking at the brunette.

"Well, I suppose I could share my name. It's Cora."

"I'm Meghan."

"It's lovely to meet you." Cora said with a smile.

"Oh no, the pleasure is all mine." Meghan replied, her smile mirroring Cora's.

"Play your cards right and I am certain it definitely will be." Cora responded, her voice sultry. "I have a proposition for you Meghan."

* * *

"So what's Nana doing?" Henry asked as the group walked to Cruella's car.

"Trust me lad, you do not want to know." Hook responded as they neared the vehicle.

The group hopped inside and only had to wait a few minutes before Cora approached the car, solo.

"She not take you up on the offer?" Cruella asked, surprised.

"If she won't, I certainly would." Mal replied with a smirk.

"As a matter of fact, she is. She will be stopping in Storybrooke this weekend." Cora replied with a satisfied smirk.

"What offer?" Henry asked.

"To bake." Cora replied quickly. "Alright let's get out of this place and head home. I miss the normal life."

"You had better call Regina and tell her we are heading back." Ursula suggested.

Cora hummed in agreement before she dialed Regina's number.

" _Hello?"_ Regina answered, her breathing uneven.

"Regina? Were you and Emma having sex? I'm sorry I interrupted." Cora replied.

"Ew, Nana."

"Sorry Henry."

" _We have a bit of a situation here mother."_ Regina explained. " _Emma! DUCK! FUCKING FUCK! SHIT!_ "

"Regina?" Cora asked worriedly.

" _There is a swan in my home!"_

"Yes? Her name is Emma. You married her and you have two children." Cora supplied with an eyeroll.

" _No, mother, an actual swan. EMMA DODGE DODGE!"_ Regina yelled.

"Um… Cruella, you might want to step on it." Cora said seriously.

"Why?" Cruella asked as they cruised.

" _Emma fucking kill the blasted creature!"_

A pause.

" _I am revoking my protection act for swans, this swan is an exception it is a damn demon! KILL IT WITH FIRE!"_

Another pause and an explosion.

" _I DON'T CARE IF I SET THIS HOUSE ON FIRE I AM TAKING THAT BLASTED CREATURE WITH ME!"_

"That's why." Cora said. "Regina we are on our way!"

Cora hung up the phone and looked to Cruella.

"Step on it."

* * *

The fighting went on for what seemed like hours. Emma was growing tired from being matched blow for blow by the swan. Scorch marks marred the walls and floor of the mansion from Regina's fireballs.

"I can't keep this up much longer." Emma panted as she and the swan circled each other.

"Emma. We need to finish this." Regina said as she stood beside her wife and faced down the swan.

Regina summoned a fireball as Emma readied her lightsabers.

"I'll distract it with the fireball and when I do, you go in for the blow." Regina whispered as she hurled the fireball at the swan.

The swan dodged, as expected, but Emma lunged soon after and landed a critical blow to the swan. The bird hit the ground, lightsabers leaving it as it slide across the floor and into the wall.

Emma was panting as she watched the bird for a few moments.

"We did it. We won." Regina said in disbelief as she stood next to her wife. "Wait… what on earth…"

The swan began to shift form and suddenly, the Blue Fairy lay in its spot.

"Rachel Tice?" Emma asked Regina as they looked at each other and then back at the unconscious woman.

"She was the swan?" Regina asked in disbelief. "That unnerving, crazy, creepy bitch."

"Yup." Emma agreed as she tossed her lightsabers aside and picked up the unconscious woman. "Baby, mind poofing me to the station so I can lock her up. You go check on Lily."

Regina nodded before sending Emma and the Blue Fairy on their way to the station.

She sighed as she looked around her living room. It was a mess and she had some cleaning up to do. But first, she needed to check on the munchkin.

Regina poofed herself into Lily's room and checked on the baby. She was still sleeping peacefully, not having woken once with all the noise in the house.

"Just like your mother." Regina said aloud as she kissed Lily's head.

* * *

"Alright Blue, why did you do it?" Emma asked as the fairy regained consciousness.

Once Blue had been returned to her human form, the two other swans shifted back into theirs as well. One was Robin, and the other was one of the three little pigs.

"Why did you do it?" Emma asked again.

"To take away your happy ending!" Blue shrieked. "I am tired of you and your mother-in-law, and Regina and anyone in your blasted family."

"So you turned yourselves into swans?"

"If we murdered you as swans, no one would suspect that it was ever us."

"Murder? Who said anything about murder?" Robin asked suddenly, his eyes wide.

"Actually it's a good plan." Zelena said suddenly, appearing in a mist of green smoke, a bear claw in her hand.

"Zelena." Emma greeted with a smile.

"Mother told me about this one." Zelena said as she pointed at Blue and took a bite of her food. "Fucking crazy bitch is what she told me."

"We would have gotten away with it too. If it weren't for you meddling kids." Blue growled out.

"What is this, an episode of Scooby Doo. Shut up." Emma said with an eyeroll.

"Okay, seriously, what is all this talk about murder?" Robin asked. "I thought we were just going to fuck shit up and get Emma out of the way so I could have Regina?"

"Plans change." Blue replied easily.

"Oh yes yes they do. Yes Robin, we are going to fuck shit up so you get the woman you fancy, oh whoops my HAND SLIPPED AND NOW IM GOING TO MURDER PEOPLE AS A FUCKING SWAN!" Robin yelled, glaring daggers at Blue.

"What's wrong with you?" Zelena asked suddenly, her eyes looking directly at Robin.

"What?" Robin asked, confused at Zelena's stare.

"You alright?" Zelena asked.

"Yes? Why?"

"Oh… you just looked like you haven't taken a shit in two weeks… or are having some bowel issues…. Or something smells bad." Zelena explained.

"I do not." Robin defended.

"Actually you do." Blue agreed, nodding her head sadly.

"Yeah… you should probably try and do something about it." Emma said. "You make people uncomfortable when you do that."

"I do not!" Robin exclaimed.

"Yeah you totally do. It's weird. Please stop." Zelena said seriously as she finished her bear claw.

"Alright, well… this has been fun. I am going to head home and help my wife clean up the mess YOU made." Emma said to Blue before looking to Zelena. "Keep an eye on them for a few hours."

* * *

"Regina?!" Cora's voice called from downstairs. "HOLY SHITBALLS WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LIVING ROOM?!"

"Hey Cora." Emma greeted as she and Regina put the couch back in its original spot.

"Mother." Regina greeted with a small smile.

"Oh dear." Cruella said as she eyed the mansions current state. "What a mess."

"Yeah there was an incident with Blue." Emma began. "She turned herself and Robin and one of the pigs into swans and tried to kill Regina and I, Robin had no idea, just thought they were causing mischief." Emma explained.

"Fucking Rachel Tice!" Cora growled.

"But Emma managed to stop her and she is currently in lock up with Zelena watching her, if you'd be interested in visiting." Regina added with a smirk.

"Indeed I am." Cora replied with a mischievous grin. "We dropped Henry off at White Chocolate's for the night. Would you like me to watch Lily this evening as well?"

"That would be great." Emma sighed with relief. "We need to finish cleaning and rest."

"Understandable with the state of this place." Cruella muttered.

"So you were being bested by a swan?" Cora asked suddenly.

"HEY YOU WEREN'T HERE YOU DON'T KNOW THE HORROR!" Emma yelled.

"Pft. It was a swan Emma. Clearly you are not the alpha swan." Cruella commented.

"Oh, trust me, she is _definitely_ the alpha swan." Regina purred as she ran a slim hand down Emma's neck, making the blonde shiver.

"Yeah Cruella, I've lived with these two. Emma is definitely an overachiever in the sack." Cora said proudly.

"You realize she is fucking your daughter." Cruella stated with a raised eyebrow, curious about Cora's pride in Emma's skills in the bedroom.

"I know. I'm proud that my daughter is getting laid by an overachiever." Cora replied with a big grin.

"That she is." Regina commented huskily, lightly biting Emma's ear.

"We should probably take our leave." Cruella said to Cora.

Regina grabbed Emma suddenly and pushed her onto the couch, quickly straddling her.

"Kinky bitches." Cora said with a smile and shake of her head. She quickly poofed her and Cruella to Lily's room and then poofed the three of them out of the mansion.

"They gone?" Emma asked as Regina sucked at her pulse point. Emma's head fell back as she groaned at Regina's ministrations.

"Indeed. I have you all to myself." Regina breathed as she pushed Emma's shirt up and unzipped her jeans. "And I plan on enjoying myself."

Regina accentuated her point by dipping under Emma's underwear and grazing her wife's clit.

Emma sucked in a breath before pulling Regina closer to her and bucking into her hand.

"Don't let me stop you then." Emma replied with a smirk.

* * *

"Hello Zelena." Cora greeted as she appeared by her eldest daughters side.

"Mother." Zelena greeted. "I take it you heard about Blue's little plot."

"Indeed I did. I think she deserves some punishment, don't you?" Cora asked Zelena.

Zelena grinned ear to ear before looking back at Blue.

"I certainly think she does."

"What are you going to do?" Blue asked.

Cora and Zelena merely approached the cell without saying a word.

"Cora?"

They continued to move closer.

"Cora?" Blue asked, panic lacing her voice.

Cora and Zelena let out maniacal laughs as they poofed themselves and Blue from the cell, leaving no trace behind.

* * *

**A/N: Alright guys, that's all for this chapter. I hope you all liked it even though it was long and crazy. :)**

**Don't forget to review!  
**


	38. Caught In The Act

 

**Hi guys, here is another update of AWCM**

**Few things, for your listening pleasure, I recommend listening to Flawless (I woke up like this) Panic Remix, originally by Beyoncé, remixed by DJ Lil Taj for the first scene with Cora. You'll enjoy, trust me.**

* * *

"You know… I miss this place sometimes," Cora commented with a whimsical sigh as she looked around the mansion.

"Mother you are literally here every day," Regina replied with a smile.

"She's right Cora. You're always here," Emma added with a nod.

"Yes well, you two would be absolutely bored without me," Cora grinned as she turned to baby Lily and cooed to her.

"Ha, Regina, remember all the embarrassing things we caught Cora doing?" Emma asked through a laugh.

"I do recall a few moments," Regina grinned.

* * *

_Cora cranked up her music and started to dance, her hips gyrating and moving in time with the beat coming out of her speakers. Flawless, a remix by DJ Lil Taj, blasted out of her stereo. Cora moved around the room, singing along as she held a spatula in her hand._

_She jumped and spun around, her ass facing her bedroom door as she started to twerk. Her butt moved up and down in time with the music as she got low to the floor and then brought herself back up._

_"Mother, did you-" Regina began as she opened the door to her mother's room, but stopped as she watched her mother twerk her ass._

_Regina suppressed a giggle as she felt Emma come up behind her. Both women watched the older woman sing and dance along with the song._

_Cora continued to twerk but began to move her arms widely in time with the music before jumping and facing the door._

_As soon as her eyes met Regina and Emma's she stopped moving, mid twerk and stared at the two women in her doorway._

_Cora waved her hand and turned the music off, still rooted to her spot._

_"Having fun?" Regina asked with a pleased smirk._

_"Oh this is too good. Cora can twerk!" Emma exclaimed as she eyed the older woman._

_"You do not breathe a word of this to anyone. Understood?" Cora commanded, her eyes turning black as she looked at both women._

_Emma and Regina swallowed thickly before slowly backing away and closing Cora's bedroom door._

_A minute passed before they heard the music blast from the speakers once more._

_Emma, not one to take Cora's threats seriously, pulled her phone out and switched it to video mode. She opened the bedroom door slowly and saw that Cora had resumed her dancing._

_She began to film, suppressing a giggle as she watched Cora place her hands on her knees and get low to the ground. Her ass bobbed up and down in time with the music._

_"I woke up like this, I woke up like this," Cora sang as she danced, spinning around and giving her hair a twirl. She continued for a few moments, still oblivious to Emma's presence in the doorway. Suddenly, she twirled and opened her eyes._

_Her eyes, which landed on Emma, blazed red as she hurled herself at the blonde in an attempt to get the phone._

_Emma yelped as she spun on her heels and bolted down the stairs as fast as possible._

_"REGINA CATCH CATCH!" Emma yelled as she threw her girlfriend the phone._

_"Emma!?" Regina yelled in a slight panic as her wide eyes found her girlfriend. Soon, a phone hurtled through the air at her face. Regina quickly caught the phone as Cora tackled Emma on the stairs, sending them both through the air and to their doom._

_At the last second, Cora magicked them mid air and they reappeared on the floor._

_"GIVE ME THAT CONTRAPTION!" Cora yelled as her eyes blazed red. Regina swallowed before magicking herself from the mansion and into the street. She started to haul ass as she ran down Mifflin in an attempt to throw her mother off track._

_"REGINAAAAAAA!" Cora screeched as she tore down the street, pavement turning upwards as Cora's feet were boosted by magic._

_Regina looked behind her and saw her mothers smoke trail approaching. She glanced to the side and saw Hook doing some window-shopping; somewhat oblivious to what was happening._

_"HOOK!" Regina yelled, causing the pirate to turn around and lift an eyebrow in confusion at Regina's frazzled appearance._

_"Your majesty?" Hook asked as Regina stopped in front of him and panted._

_"Need you to- take- a-," Regina panted, "video- off- phone."_

_"I beg your pardon?" Hook glanced up and saw the trail of smoke growing closer. "What is that?"_

_"My Mother," Regina said as she pulled out Emma's phone. "I need you to take this video. I've just sent it to you from Emma's phone, and now I need to delete the evidence. Please Hook, do not let Cora get a hold of the video."_

_"Ah, mate I don't follow. What is the video of-" Hook stopped as he watched the video play before his eyes. "Oh, well. I can certainly see why Cora would want to destroy this."_

_"Run Hook, run, and never look back," Regina told him seriously as she pushed him into an alleyway._

_"REGINA!" Cora screeched as she finally tackled the brunette to the ground. "Where is the phone?!"_

_"It's here mother, I was tired of running so I deleted the video. It's gone," Regina said with finality as she stared up at her mother._

_Cora's eyes narrowed as she stared at her daughter before nodding, finding Regina's explanation acceptable._

_"Very well then," Cora said as she stood and began brushing the dirt from her outfit. Cora simply turned on her heels and headed back towards the mansion, a little spring in her step as her butt subtly wiggled to the beat in her head._

* * *

"Yeah. Good times," Emma said with a smile as she thought back on the memory.

"Yes, for you dear, you weren't the one who was forcibly tackled to the ground in an attempt to reclaim a cell phone," Regina replied with a slight eye roll.

"Well, at least the video was deleted," Cora added with a shrug.

"Um… About that, mother," Regina paused, "I may have sent the video to Hook for safe keeping. I did not actually delete it."

Cora's eyes widened comically as she looked at her daughter.

"What the fuck Regina!?" Cora screeched.

"Woah, calm down there tiny satan," Emma urged, "It was forever ago AND you aren't exactly the shiest person that I know. So what's the problem?"

"IT IS PRIVATE!" Cora yelled, smacking the blonde upside her head.

"Ow!" Emma yelped as she raised a hand to rub the spot Cora smacked.

"Mother, there have been plenty of other embarrassing things that we have caught you doing."

"Like what?"

"That time you blew up the toilet," Emma supplied.

"The time you destroyed my microwave," Regina added.

"The time you destroyed my beloved grill!" Emma yelled, her eyes blazing with magic as she stared down her mother-in-law.

"THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" Cora defended.

"SHE WAS HELPLESS AND YOU KILLED HER!"

"Emma-" Regina attempted to interject.

"Yes well perhaps she was in the wrong place at the wrong time! Accidents happen Emma!"

"OH SO ITS HER FAULT THAT YOU MURDERED HER?!"

"YES AS A MATTER OF FACT IT IS!"

Emma gasped, her eyes widening to the size of saucers.

"You know what else!?" Cora continued, "I ATE YOUR LAST BEAR CLAW!"

Emma let out a loud startled shriek and Regina felt her eardrums break slightly at the sound.

"IMMA KILL YOU!" Emma yelled as she dove for Cora.

Emma tackled the woman to the ground and they began to wrestle for dominance. Cora's barefoot was pushing into Emma's cheek in an attempt to push her away, while Emma's hand was pushing Cora's face back down to the ground.

Regina sighed as she watched the two women yell muffled insults at each other as they continued. None of the women heard the front door open.

"Hi Regina!" Snow greeted happily before coming to an abrupt halt and staring at the scene before her.

"Hello Snow," Regina replied with disinterest.

"What happened?" Snow asked, causing Regina to turn around and explain the reasoning for the women's behavior.

"So now they are wrestling," Regina finished as she looked back to the two women, still continuing their fight.

"I remember an embarrassing memory about Cora," Snow said suddenly, causing the two women to pause their fight to listen.

"Do tell Snow," Regina urged with interest.

* * *

_"It's so beautiful," Cora whispered to herself as she watched the show. She had seen posts about the show on Tumblr and had decided to start watching it. So far she was half way through the season and curled up in her bed. A bowl of popcorn sat next to her as she lay on her side and watched her laptop with wide eyes. She hadn't moved from her spot for at least 20 hours, not even pausing for sleep._

_The show was a Philippine telenova called_ The Rich Mans Daughter _and Cora found herself shipping the two lead actresses with the intensity of a thousand hot suns._

"I heart you too," _Jade said, her voice echoing through the speakers of Cora's laptop._

_"Oh god, my heart, I can't I can't," Cora said before she burst into tears and started to sob._

_"Cora?" Snow tentatively asked as she opened the door to her room. Snow had stopped by to see Emma but heard loud noises coming from upstairs and, in true Snow White fashion, decided to investigate._

_"Not now White Chocolate," Cora said with a sniffle as she continued to watch her show._

_"Why are you crying?" Snow asked as she sat down next to Cora._

_"This fucking show. It's so beautiful and I just want these two to be happy but this fucking family keeps ruining everything and sometimes I wanna just punch Jade because she needs to get away from her family but mostly I just want to protect her from the world."_

_Snow nodded as she settled in and watched with Cora._

**_3 hours later…._ **

_"WHY CAN'T THEY JUST BE HAPPY!?" Snow screamed before bursting into tears._

_"I KNOW!" Cora yelled as she and Snow embraced and started to sob over the fictional characters and the drama that was befalling them._

_"I just want the fluff," Snow sniffled as she looked at the screen._

_"Me too White Chocolate, me too," Cora replied as she and Snow continued to embrace._

_They slowly looked to each other, suddenly having a moment that was brought on by their sudden bonding. Snow looked into Cora's eyes and watched as they drew closer. Neither knew who leaned in first, but suddenly their lips…_

* * *

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Emma screeched before throwing a nearby object at her mother and shutting her up before she could finish that story.

"It is bad enough Snow that you caught my mother crying over her fictional characters, which is not a pretty sight mind you, but to almost-" Regina began.

"NO!" Emma yelled at her wife. "Do not finish that sentence!"

"It was one time Emma, no big," Cora said calmly.

Emma looked down at the woman and rage took over once more. Their wrestling match resumed and they continued their fight.

"YOU PERVY OLD WOMAN!"

"HEY YOUR MOM WAS IN ON IT TOO! JUST LIKE THE BEAR CLAW!"

"WHEN I'M DONE WITH YOU YOU WILL WISH YOU NEVER ATE MY BEARCLAW!"

"GRANNY HAS A MILLION OF THEM EMMA IT ISN'T THAT BIG A DEAL!"

"YOU KNOW NOTHING!"

"GET OFF!"

"YOU GET OFF!"

"AVADA KADAVRA BITCH!" Cora yelled as she magicked Emma off of her, sending the blonde through the air and landing on the couch with an 'oomph'.

"ENOUGH!" Regina yelled, magicking a bubble around both Emma and Cora in an attempt to keep them separated.

"Avada Kadavra...That reminds me of a memory," said Snow as she thought back.

* * *

_"Expelliarmus!" Cora shouted as she waved her wand at Emma. Emma easily deflected the spell before countering._

_The two continued in this fashion for a while as they ducked and dodged the others blows._

_"Mother-" Regina began but her voice died as she watched her mother and Emma in the street._

_Emma had on Gryffindor robs and a wand in her hand, while Cora wore Slytherin robs._

_"Expulso!" Emma yelled as she waved her wand. An explosion tore the ground up around Cora, but somehow the woman managed to block the attack._

_"DAMNIT CORA!" Emma yelled as she looked at the crater her spell made, "how have you not taken a hit yet?"_

_"I am an experienced witch Emma," Cora stated as if it was obvious._

_Emma gritted her teeth before waving her wand and muttering something under her breath._

_"What are you waiting for Princess?" Cora asked, her voice mocking._

_"That." Emma stated as she pointed to the object that was flying towards them at a fast pace._

_Cora's eyes widened and she ducked as the broom zoomed by her towards Emma. The blonde jumped on the broom immediately and took off at a fast pace._

_"Emma!" Cora yelled as she magicked a broom for herself and hopped on, flying after Emma._

_Well… attempting to fly after Emma._

_Cora was not experienced with flying on broomsticks and barely managed to hang on. She started to slide around the side of the broom, eventually hanging upside down as she flew straight for Regina's apple tree behind the mansion._

_"REGINAAAAAA!" Cora yelled in fear as she crashed into the apple tree. Her robes snagged on the branches as she dangled._

_"Mother!" Regina yelled as she ran to the apple tree. Emma raced over on her broom, floating at eye level with Cora's upside down form._

_"You okay?" Emma asked as she suppressed a giggle._

_"This must be how Longbottom felt," Cora commented as she continued to struggle._

_"AVADA KADAVRA SAGGY TITS!" A voice screamed as a green blast of energy raced at Cora._

_Regina quickly knocked the blast away and turned to see who shot the blast._

_There, hovering in the air on a broom above the mansion, was…_

_"FUCKING RACHEL TICE!" Cora yelled as she wiggled, "You may look upside down to me but I know you DID NOT just shoot a fucking killing curse at me!"_

_Blue laughed maniacally before flying away on her broom._

_"AS SOON AS I GET THIS TREE UNHOOKED FROM MY UNDERWEAR IMMA CRUCIO YOU INTO NEXT TUESDAY!" Cora yelled as she wiggled and struggled._

_"Cora stop wiggling," Emma urged as she watched the woman wiggle fiercely._

_"Mother-" Regina tried but was cut off as Cora fell to the ground, landing with an 'oomph' and her underwear still hanging from the tree._

_"IMMA KILL YOU!" Cora yelled as she attempted to run after Blue._

_However, her running was more of a fierce waddle at a semi-quick pace._

_Regina suppressed a laugh as she watched Cora continue to yell obscenities at Blue as she waddled away._

* * *

"Hey you can say what you want but that was a fun day," Cora commented as she tapped at her magical enclosure.

"Yeah it really was. So much fun to do Harry Potter spells in the real world," Emma agreed as she lightly kicked the bubble.

"If you two promise to behave I will do away with the bubble."

Emma and Cora looked at each other tentatively, unsure if they could trust each other.

"Yeah I guess."

"Sure."

"Good girls," said Regina as she lowered the bubbles. She waited a beat to see if the two women were going to behave. "Now, does anyone else have any embarrassing stories about my mother?"

"Ohhhh I have one," Emma said as she sat down on the couch. "Remember two years ago? The fourth of July?"

"Oh yes, I recall," Regina replied with an eye roll.

"I think the whole town knows that story Emma," Snow chimed in with a giggle.

Cora pouted as she took a seat, waiting for her family to continue to tease her.

* * *

_"OOH SAY CAN YOU SEEEEEEEEE BY THE DAWNS EARLY LIGHTTTTT WHATS SO PROUDLY WE HAAAAIILLEEDD-" Cora sang loudly. Regina felt herself cringe at the volume and sheer awfulness of Cora's singing._

_Emma, on the other hand, was pretty well drunk and started to join in with Cora. The two sang loudly and swayed back and forth as their cans of beer clinked together._

_Emma had a USA tshirt on and American flag shorts, complete with USA sunglasses. Cora's outfit was slightly more obnoxious. She donned an Uncle Sam tshirt that read 'Merica, American flag shorts, a red white and blue hat, and USA sunglasses._

_"HAPPY AMERICA DAY!" Cora yelled as she began to prepare the fireworks._

_"Baby, I'm pretty well drunk… but do you think it's a good idea to let Cora set off the fireworks?" Emma asked, a slight slur in her voice._

_"It's an awful idea but she keeps insisting. I can't argue anymore, so if she wishes to blow her own limbs off, that is on her," Regina replied with an eye roll._

_Cora drunkenly began to light a few of the fireworks, sending them off into the night sky with a bang as they exploded and shimmering sparks floated through the air._

_"PRETTY!" Cora yelled as she set off another one, and another, and another._

_"She is putting on a pretty good light show," Emma commented with a smirk as she pulled Regina to her and gave her a passionate kiss._

_Regina hummed in approval before turning back to watch her mother. She glanced around her backyard, looking at all of Storybrooke's denizens that came to their party to celebrate the fourth of July._

_Snow sat in a lawn chair next to Charming, a few woodland friends sitting on her lap and at her feet._

_"Your mother brought some friends I see," Regina murmured to Emma, causing the blonde to roll her eyes and take a swig of her beer._

_"Yeah, of course she did," Emma began, "'Emma, we have to invite them to the party. Their families want to participate in the festivities.'"_

_Regina chuckled at her wife's impersonation, "Families. She is still going on about that isn't she?"_

_"'Families Emma, FAMILIES!'" Emma mocked, drawing attention to herself._

_"THEY DO HAVE FAMILIES EMMA!" Snow yelled before throwing an empty beer can at her daughter and hitting her in the head._

_"THEY DO BUT THEY ARE WOODLAND CREATURES MA! DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FOURTH OF JULY IS!?" Emma yelled back._

_Snow turned to one of her creatures and made a few squeaking noises. The chipmunks ears twitched and it squeaked back._

_"As a matter of fact they do!" Snow yelled proudly._

_Emma rolled her eyes at her mother before glancing to check on Cora._

_"Tally ho motherfuckers!" Cora yelled as she started to set off fireworks once more._

_The fireworks flew in all different directions, thanks to Cora's drunken aim._

_"DUCK DUCK DUCK!" Emma yelled as she and Regina hit the deck._

_A firework flew at Hook and hit him square in the ass, causing him to yell loudly and spew obscenities._

_"Oh fuck." Cora muttered as a firework flew straight for her._

_Before she could dodge, an arrow shot forward and hit the firework, causing it to explode._

_Cora breathed a sigh of relief and turned to see who had saved her._

_"I got you Captain." Granny said as she loaded another arrow into her crossbow. "Happy 'Merica day." Granny put her cigar back in her mouth as she aimed her bow at another firework, shooting it down before it could hit Snow._

_"BERTHA!" Snow screamed as a firework knocked one of the squirrels out of the tree._

_"THERE SHE BLOWS LADDIE!" Hook yelled as he pointed to a rather large firework the size of a bazooka._

_"FOR FREEEEDDDOOOMMMM!" Cora yelled as she jumped onto the firework and rode it skyward._

_"CAPTAIN!" Granny yelled in panic._

_"Captain?" Regina asked Emma, looking her curiously. Emma shrugged in response before trying to follow Cora's trail._

_"Bertha?" Snow asked as she cradled the squirrel and looked up at Cora's zig-zagging form._

_"FOR LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!" Cora yelled as the firework shot them towards Regina's apple tree._

_"No no no no!" Regina panicked, hoping to save both her mother and tree, but she was too late._

_Cora and the firework collided with the tree as the firework exploded. The resounding bang and bright sparks shot from the tree, causing a destructive and beautiful display._

_"Why must it always be my tree?" Regina muttered as everyone ran to the backyard to check on Cora._

_A large crater was in the middle of the backyard, the apple tree scorched, and Cora was nowhere to be seen in the dust._

_"Do you think she's-" Emma's voice died in her throat as she saw a lump lay off to the side of the crater, "MY GRILL!"_

_Emma ran to her beloved grill and dropped to her knees, lightly touching the now destroyed metal._

_"NOOOOO!" Emma screamed into the sky as she threw her body over her grill. "Why must they always die so young? Why? WHY?!"_

_"Emma, dear, it will be okay," Regina attempted to soothe. She ran her hands across her girlfriends back and tried to calm the blonde's wailing._

_"Regina, I think Cora is here!" Snow yelled._

_Regina slid down the side of the crater. She waved her hand to clear the dust to search for her mother._

_"Mother?" Regina asked as she approached a huddle form._

_Cora's hat was gone, her clothes tattered, and her body covered with black scorch marks. She lay still in the crater as everyone held their breath to see if she was alive._

_"Mother?" Regina asked again as she lightly shook the older woman._

_Cora groaned and opened her eyes, blinking in an attempt to see her daughter._

_"Regina?"_

_"Yes, mother. I'm here."_

_"Am I dead?"_

_"No mother."_

_"Is the tree dead?"_

_"It- it will recover."_

_"Why is Emma screaming?"_

_"You blew up her grill."_

_"Aww fuck. Not again. She's gonna kill me," Cora groaned._

_"She will forgive you."_

_"One good thing came from this."_

_"What is that?" Regina asked as her mother sat up with a groan._

_"I took out Rachel," Cora replied with a grin as she pointed ahead._

_Another form lay on the side of the crater._

_"I may be drunk, but I do know how to fucking aim," Cora explained as she stood, "That crotchety old bitch sabotaged my firework display."_

_Cora crawled up the side of the crater and sat on Blue._

_"Hey! Wakey wakey fairy bitch!" Cora yelled as she slapped Blue's face._

_The fairy groaned and opened her eyes, shooting daggers at Cora._

_"I will… NEVER… yield to you," Blue growled out._

_"Oh, it isn't me you should be yielding to Blue," Cora replied with a grin, "It's her." Cora pointed to Snow, who was breathing heavily._

_"What?"_

_"One of the fireworks hit one of her squirrels."_

_"FOR AMERICA AND BERTHA!" Snow yelled as a wave of woodland creatures joined her as she ran at Blue._

_Cora dove out of the way as the creatures landed on Blue and began attacking her with their tiny paws._

_"FOR THE FAMILIES!" Snow yelled as she dove into the pile and disappeared in the swarm of fur._

_"Let's head inside, we can clean this up in the morning," Cora urged as she pushed everyone inside._

_"Where's Emma and Regina?" Hook asked as he scanned the yard._

_"I'm not sure," Cora said, "They were just here, correct?"_

_"I believe so," Hook replied as he looked around once more._

_Cora and Hook paused, as did everyone else at the party, as they heard light moaning coming from the house._

_"Fuck, Regina!" Emma yelled out, pleasure evident in her voice._

_"They're celebrating America," Cora said with a proud grin._

_"Cora, you realize we aren't even from America," Granny interjected._

_"Shhh. That is not important."_

_"I believe she is also trying to make Emma feel better about losing her grill," Hook explained as the moaning grew louder._

_"YES REGINA YES!" Emma yelled again as her moans grew louder and more frantic. "Fuck!"_

_Suddenly, a small explosion of fireworks went off outside the house, causing everyone to 'ooh' and 'ahhh' at the sight._

_"Kinky bitches."_

* * *

"That wasn't even embarrassing," Cora stated with an eye roll.

"We are aware, we just enjoy that story," Regina replied with a smug smile.

"I'm sure you do, you kinky bitches," Cora said with an even larger eye roll.

"Soon Lily will be old enough to remember the crazy events here in Storybrooke," Snow said with a small smile.

"Yeah, the munchkin is growing up."

"Indeed, dear."

"So, what do you guys wanna do now?" Cora asked.

"I vote we play Harry Potter," Emma chimed in immediately, "I can give Cora flying lessons."

"Splendid idea Emma," Cora agreed readily, her wand appearing in her hand.

Cora dramatically looked at her wand, which was an exact replica of the elder wand. She took a deep breath and looked skyward as she shot her arm in the air. A giant blast rocked the house as it tore through the ceiling and into the night sky. The blackness of the night was covered in a white light as the bolt of magic surged from Cora's wand.

"Where are we going?!" Regina yelled to her mother in a panic, as her wide eyes looked to Emma.

"Somewhere… magical."

* * *

**A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this update of adventures with cora mills. I can't wait to have some time to work on the next chapter.**

**As always, reviews are welcomed and encouraged. Please review, favorite, follow, etc. I am still so blessed to have so many people follow this story and enjoy the total craziness of it all. MWAH!**


	39. Hogwarts

**Well here it is, finally, a new chapter of AWCM. I am sorry about the long ass wait. I had a really crazy few months and then grad school started back up and I have three 20 page research papers to write and just ugh.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

 

* * *

 

Regina and Emma opened their eyes at the same time and immediately found each other.

 

“Baby? Where are we?” Emma asked as she sat up and pulled her wife with her.

 

“The house?” Regina asked in confusion, as everything in the house looked exactly the same, save for the Slytherin tapestries hanging from the walls.

 

“Did Cora redecorate?” Emma asked as they stood and glanced around the house.

 

“Lily!” Regina gasped, remembering their child, before rushing upstairs and rounding the corner into her daughter’s room.

 

The baby was sound asleep, cooing happily, and clinging to a stuffed giraffe.

 

“She’s fine baby,” Emma reassured as she pulled Regina to her. “Our biggest concern is finding your mother and figuring out what the fuck happened.”

 

“That is very true, let me make a quick phone call,” Regina replied as she pulled her phone out. Her mouth turned to a frown when she had absolutely no cell phone signal.

 

“What’s wrong?” Emma asked.

 

“I have no cell phone signal.” Regina lifted the phone in the air to try and get better reception.

 

“I have an idea,” Emma said as she pulled out her wand.

 

“Oh not you too.”

 

“Baby, Cora whipped out the fucking Elder Wand and shot a giant green bolt into the sky and then we suddenly wake up in the mansion with no cell service? Bitch did something.”

 

Regina rolled her eyes but nodded for Emma to continue.

 

After muttering a spell or two over the mirror she ushered for Regina to request who she wanted to call.

 

“Well I could have done that,” Regina muttered, “Get me Ursula and Cruella.”

 

“Hellooooo darling,” Cruella greeted with a smirk. “Love the redecorating through town.”

 

“What are you talking about?” Regina asked with confusion.

 

“Oh you will see soon enough. What can we do for you?”

 

“Nice Slytherin tapestry,” Emma commented quickly.

 

“Yes I see a healthy mix of Gryffindor and Slytherin in your home as well,” Cruella replied with a smirk. “So Regi, what is it?”

 

“Could you babysit Lily for us while we figure out what my mother did exactly?”

 

“Of course. Although, I don’t understand how you haven’t realized we are in a fucking Harry Potter film.”

 

“I’m sorry?” Regina asked.

 

“Your mother. That large blast of magic, which I assume was her, completely redecorated the town to look like Diagon Alley and basically Harry Potter world. If you need to find her, I suggest you check Hogwarts.”

 

“HOGWARTS!?” Emma screamed in excitement.

 

“Emma!” Regina scolded, fearing she would wake Lily.

 

Emma’s eyes widened and everyone glanced to Lily.

 

The baby slept soundly.

 

“I believe your child is so used to the noise level that she would cry if it were too quiet,” Cruella said dryly, “but yes, Hogwarts. The fucking castle is just up the road. We will be over in a flash.”

 

Suddenly, Cruella and Ursula appeared in the nursery, their magic blending together before separating.

 

“Hello cutie pie,” Ursula cooed as she looked down on little Lily.

 

“Ursula, you know where everything is correct?” Regina asked as she readied herself and Emma.

 

“Of course. You kids have fun!” Ursula replied with a smile as she grabbed the baby monitor.

 

Regina and Emma glanced at each other before poofing from the mansion and into the street.

 

“Oh. My. God.” Emma’s jaw dropped as she took in the new look of Storybrooke. All of the denizens had wandered out onto the street and were looking around with fascination.

 

“HARRY POTTER YAAAAASSSSSS!!!” Snow screamed as she tore down the street clad in Gryffindor robes and a wand. “I have magic!!!!!!!” She screamed before waving her wand around and shooting bursts of magic.

 

“Jesus Snow!” Regina yelled as she and Emma dodged a blast.

 

“I got this baby,” Emma said confidently before pulling out her wand and waving it, “Immobulus!”

 

The blast hit Snow and froze her, keeping her from shooting off anymore magic.

 

“Sorry guys, you know she gets a little crazy about Harry Potter,” Charming said with a sheepish grin as he looked over his wife.

 

“She’s always crazy,” Regina muttered to her wife.

 

“WHAT WAS THAT!?” Snow yelled, attempting to crane her neck to look at Regina.

 

“Nothing Snow.”

 

“Damn right it is nothing. I’ll avada kadavra you.”

 

“Honey we are Gryffindor’s, we don’t do that,” Charming soothed.

 

“I’ll kick her bitch ass Charming! I’ll have my owl kick her ass.”

 

“Yes because I am afraid of a flying rat with wings,” Regina replied dryly with an eye roll.

 

“Bitch please!” Snow yelled as she wriggled.

 

“Ma, cut it out,” Emma chided before taking her wife’s hand. “We need to find Cora.”

 

_“Citizens of Storybrooke. Gather round and listen to your headmaster.”_

 

“Oh good lord,” Regina muttered.

 

“Cora?” Snow asked.

 

_“Shut up Snow, I am making a speech.”_

 

“Where are you though?”

 

_“In my office in the fucking castle you twit. I’m doing a voice over. Now shush.”_

 

“Sorry,” Snow squeaked out.

 

 _“Get your shit together Snow.”_ Cora cleared her voice before resuming. “ _Citizens of Storybrooke, I am sure you are all confused about the change in scenery. Rest assured. Everything is still in tact, it has just been adapted to fit this new world. Now, I would like all citizens of Storybrooke who have not already been identified with a house to please approach the castle for sorting. Regina and Emma, you kinky bitches, get here asap. Okay? Cool. Peace out. Headmaster Cora. Get schooled.”_

 

Emma and Regina glanced to each other before rolling their eyes and magicking themselves to the castle entrance.

 

“Holy shitballs. Your mom made an EXACT fucking replica of Hogwarts.”

 

“So she did.”

 

“Regina do you understand how COOL this is?!” Emma squealed.

 

Regina chuckled at her wife’s excitement. “I know darling. It is very cool. Come, let’s go and find my mother.”

 

“Oh and here I was thinking you actually wanted to make me cum,” Emma replied with a wink.

 

Regina laughed and rolled her eyes before kissing her wife. “You have a dirty mind Emma Swan-Mills.”

 

“Ladies, please keep it in your pants,” Cora requested as she appeared before them.

 

“Cora this place looks fucking awesome!” Emma said excitedly as she gestured to the replica.

 

“I did pretty awesome, huh. Would you girls like to sit in for the sorting ceremony?” Cora asked. “Tomorrow is quidditch day by the way. Emma, I was hoping you would be a seeker?”

 

“FUCK YES WHO WE PLAYING!? IS IT HUFFLEPUFF?? I’LL KICK THEIR ASSES, LET’S GO!” Emma yelled as she waved her wand and brought her broom to her. She hopped on it and flew off.

 

“Regina… I love your wife. Truly, I do. But, sometimes I think she may be crazier than me,” Cora said as she watched Emma do backflips on the broom.

 

Regina merely nodded in agreement before entering the Great Hall with her mother.

 

* * *

 

The sorting ceremony was fairly quick, as most of the denizens of Storybrooke already belonged to houses.

 

Cora stood and prepared to greet everyone, when suddenly a flash of lightening shot through the sky outside and a loud voice boomed through the room.

 

 _“Denizens of Storybrooke. Hear me. The plague that has spread through this town has gone on long enough. No longer will it be tolerated. For those of you who ship Swan Queen, I give you this opportunity to change sides. If you refuse… you will all die.”_ The voice was low and dark and sent a chill through Cora’s bones.

 

The older brunette looked to both of her daughters and then Emma. Everyone had paused what they were doing to listen to the voice speak.

 

 _“You have until midnight to decide whose side you will be on. We shall attack the castle then. Choose wisely.”_ The voice faded away and everyone looked to Cora perplexed.

 

“The only other person who could use magic like that is Blue,” Regina said as she looked to her mother.

 

“That fairy nun woman right?” Zelena asked with an amused smirk. “Please. She should be no trouble. Cried like a little bitch when Cora and I took her down.”

 

“What did you two do to her?” Regina asked, suddenly curious.

 

Zelena and Cora shared a look.

 

* * *

 

**_Flashback…_ **

****

_“No. Please, no!” Blue screeched as Cora and Zelena magically duct taped her entire body before tying a rope to her feet._

_“Zelena, would you like the honors?” Cora asked as she handed her daughter an object._

_Zelena grinned wickedly. “Strip ‘em.”_

_Cora quickly removed the necessary articles of clothing on Blue and pushed her over to land on the table._

_“This is so wrong. You cannot do this Cora!” Blue yelled, her voice panicked._

_“Shut the fuck up Rachel,” Cora bit back before magicking duct tape across her mouth. “Do it.”_

_Zelena held up the object as Blue wiggled and strained against the tape with wide eyes._

_“This will be over soon,” Zelena attempted to soothe before positioning the object._

_Blue breathed heavily as she waited for what was to happen next._

_“Do it,” Cora commanded._

_Zelena obeyed, she lowered the object and began tickling Blue’s feet with a feather._

_Blue squealed and squirmed harder against the tape as she attempted to suppress her giggles._

_“Think you can just turn into a fucking swan and threaten our family?!” Cora demanded as she pulled out a feather of her own._

_Zelena laughed maniacally as she and her mother continued to tickle Blue’s feet until she passed out from laughter._

**_End Flashback…_ **

 

* * *

 

“Don’t worry about it, Sis,” Zelena said with a small smile.

 

“Do not underestimate Rachel Tice. That woman is as evil as Voldemort,” Cora replied before her eyes grew wide. “Oh shit.”

 

“What is it mother?” The girls asked in unison.

 

“Rachel is Voldemort, which means that she has her own version of death eaters. I need to know who we are facing immediately,” Cora said in a rush.

 

“Who do you think it is Captain?” Granny asked as she approached the table.

 

Cora scanned the room before looking to her shipmate. “Where is Hook?”

 

Granny appeared confused. “I haven’t seen him Captain.”

 

“Has anyone seen Hook?” Cora boomed.

 

She was met with silence and Cora slumped into her chair.

 

“Mother?” Regina asked, voice laced with concern.

 

“Hook has betrayed me.”

 

“No!” Everyone at the table gasped out, not wanting to believe it.

 

“It can be the only explanation! That smelly fucking pirate has betrayed his Captain and betrayed the Armada!” Cora yelled. “Armada! The time is nigh! Will you join me in this battle? The battle for SwanQueen?”

 

“Hoo Ha!” Everyone shouted as they stood and readied their wands. Everyone moved to military formation and stood stock-still.

 

“Wait, didn’t we already have like ten battles for SwanQueen?” Snow asked suddenly, forcing everyone to look to her.

 

“Yes,” Cora said simply.

 

“So… we have to fight again?” Snow asked.

 

“Yes,” Cora said again.

 

“Ah.” Snow tapped her chin for a moment before releasing a loud shriek. “I have called the creatures of the forest, we shall fight alongside the Armada.”

 

“I knew I could count on you, Snow,” Cora said proudly as she slapped a hand on Snow’s shoulder. “Armada! What do we say?!”

 

“VIVA LA SWANQUEEN!” Came the resounding reply as everyone raised their wands.

 

“How the fuck does she train these people? When does she find the time?” Regina whispered to her wife.

 

Emma merely shrugged as she took a bite out of her turkey leg.

 

“Emma, is there anything you wish to say?” Cora asked Emma suddenly.

 

Emma nervously swallowed her turkey before standing and walking to the podium. She looked out onto the various houses and denizens of Storybrooke.

 

“My fellow housemates and shippers. This… this may be our greatest battle yet.”

 

“Oh lord,” Regina muttered.

 

“Shhhh she is makin a speech!” Zelena hushed.

 

“This battle… is going to be dangerous. I won’t lie to you… some of you may not return. However, you will be fighting for the greatest cause,” Emma paused, “to be able to love who you wish to love, without judgment or fear. Now, I do not know who all Blue has on her side. But I do know, that we will win because we believe. We believe in SwanQueen and the power of True Love. Nothing… nothing can take that away.” Emma swallowed thickly before raising her wand in the air. “Viva la SwanQueen!”

 

“Viva la SwanQueen!” The group yelled back as they raised their own wands and pointed them towards the ceiling. Bolts of magic shot from the wands and broke through the ceiling, sending a signal to Blue that they would fight.

 

“Everyone, man the stations! She will be coming!” Cora yelled out before she disappeared from the room. Everyone began scrambling to exit, eventually leaving Regina, Emma, and Zelena alone.

 

“Okay so,” Zelena began, “we may not make it out of this and I just wanted to say…”

 

Regina looked to Zelena, her own eyes watering with unshed tears.

 

“I just wanted to say that… Regina… it was me who broke your Michael Bolton CD,” Zelena said finally.

 

“YOU WHAT!?” Regina yelled.

 

“Hey! I got blamed for that!” Emma chimed in. “I couldn’t walk for a week.”

 

Zelena raised her eyebrow. “That sounds like the exact opposite of a problem. Anyways, gotta go. Need to defend the ship!” Zelena said before poofing herself from the room.

 

“That bitch. Seriously, I loved that CD,” Regina said to Emma before sighing and pulling her wife to her. “Are we really going to fight in _another_ battle?”

 

“We kinda have to baby.” Emma smirked before kissing her wife’s lips. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too,” Regina murmured.

 

“Come on, let’s go kick some fairy ass,” Emma said with a grin before grabbing Regina’s hand and transporting them just outside of the castle.

 

When they arrived, the battle was already in full swing. Blasts of magic wizzed in all different directions, and in various colors, flying by them and striking their foes. The two women remained in their spot, watching on as the battle thrived.

 

Cora was in the center, shooting curses at anyone that she deemed an enemy. Snow was riding on the back of a centaur, shrieking as her and her furry troops began pouncing on the enemies. Zelena was cackling as she flew around the battle on a broom, flinging hexes.

  
Emma grinned before her and Regina split up, both women heading in opposite directions of the battle. Emma began shooting her spells at the enemies, knocking them down.

 

Suddenly, a blast hit her and sent her flying. She landed with an ‘oomph’ before looking up to see who shot her.

 

“Sorry about this lass,” Hook said sadly as he raised his wand at Emma.

 

“Hook! You betrayed us!” Emma yelled. “Why?”

 

“I didn’t have a choice. Voldeblue threatened to destroy my ship. I couldn’t let her- it- her- whatever, destroy my Jolly.” Hook looked to the ground. “I am truly sorry, Swan.”

 

Emma’s eyes widened, as she was about to face her death

 

“NOT MY DAUGHTER- IN- LAW YOU SMELLY PIRATE!” Cora yelled as she shot Hook with a curse, sending him to the ground. “I TRUSTED YOU!”

 

“Cora, I didn’t have a choice!” Hook said through gritted teeth.

 

“You betrayed me!”  


“FOR THE CENTAURS!” Snow shrieked in the distance as she and Zelena both rode on centaurs and charged into battle.

 

“Seriously, this family,” Emma said as she gestured to them.

 

“I know right?” Cora said with a shake of her head.

 

“I believe the whole town is just as loony mates,” Hook chimed in.

 

The group shared a chuckle before Cora cleared her throat. Hook went back to wincing and gritting his teeth, while Emma remained where she was.

  
“You betrayed me!” Cora repeated.

 

“Voldeblue threatened to destroy the Jolly, Cora!” Hook pleaded.

 

“Voldeblue?” Cora asked. “The fuck is that?”

 

“Blue, she is Voldemort, but I didn’t want to call her that so I began calling her Voldeblue,” Hook explained. “Seriously, wait until you see her. It is quite disgusting.”

 

“Did someone say my name?” The voice said suddenly. The entire battle stopped and everyone backed away, clearing room.

 

“It’s her- it- her- snake woman,” Hook whispered to Cora and Emma.

 

Blue appeared then, standing in the middle of the grounds.

 

“She looks the fucking same,” Cora said to Hook with an eye roll. “Hey Rachel! You couldn’t find a better wardrobe?”

 

“Are you speaking to me?” Blue asked, her eye twitching before she spun around. In the back of her head was her face, but distorted. The face had the same cold eyes, but slits for nostrils and looked as if it was painfully trying to tear itself from the rest of the body.

 

“HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THAT THING!?” Cora screeched. She ran at Blue suddenly, a frying pan appearing in her hand just before she swung and hit the second face, sending Blue to the ground. “SOMEONE HELP ME KILL IT, OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT THAT ISN’T HUMAN WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE _FUCK_?!”

 

Emma and Hook watched on, as did everyone else, as Cora continued to beat the shit out of the face and Blue.

 

Cora jumped on top of Blue, and continued to jump up and down on the body until she was sure it was over.

 

“Is it dead? Is it gone?” Cora asked as she poked Blue with her foot.

 

The body twitched and Cora screamed.

  
“I GOT IT!” Snow yelled as she leapt from her centaur and landed on the body. “GET IT!”

 

Dozens of her furry animals began pelting Blue with their bodies, eventually moving underneath it and carrying it off into the forest.

 

“Well… this was a bit anti-climatic,” Hook said as he helped Emma to her feet and they began walking towards Cora.

 

“I’ll say. I was so excited to have a magic battle,” Emma groaned.

 

“Perhaps you and my mother can have a battle when she returns things back to they way they were?” Regina commented, an eyebrow arching as she approached the group.

 

“Yeah yeah. This would’ve been hella fun too if Blue hadn’t gotten a botched plastic surgery job,” Cora muttered before sighing and waving her wand.

 

She muttered some words under breath before shooting a bolt into the sky. Everyone watched on with fascination as the sky began to change color. A fog surrounded them suddenly, forcing them to close their eyes and wait.

 

* * *

 

 

“So that was a fucking bust,” Cora grumbled as she and Emma sat out back of the mansion.

 

Regina was inside making some iced tea while the two of them chatted and moped over their temporary Hogwarts fiasco.

 

“Where do you think Blue is now?” Emma asked suddenly as she looked to Cora.

 

“I think she is still out there. In the forest, nursing her wounds until she is strong enough to one-day return,” Cora said darkly.

 

“Do you think we will be ready?” Emma asked seriously.

 

“I don’t know.” Cora looked to Emma. “But I do know that there is one person who will be our greatest hope.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Lily,” Cora said seriously and Emma’s eyes widened.

 

“FUCK NO! YOU WILL NOT DRAG OUR DAUGHTER INTO YOUR INSANITY!” Regina yelled, suddenly appearing next to Cora and smacking the back of her head.

 

“But Reginnaaaaaaaa,” Cora whined. “Lily is the _chosen one_.”

 

“NO SHE IS NOT!” Regina yelled as she ran after her mother, who had quickly fled and was making a beeline for Regina’s apple tree. Cora scrambled up to the top of the tree and looked to Regina, hissing as she climbed.

 

“Ahhhh, family,” Emma commented happily as she sipped the forgotten iced tea and watched Regina poke Cora with a stick.

 

* * *

 

**A/N: Well guys, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Sorry about the long ass wait. It’s been a really crazy couple of months. Seriously. Anyways…**

**REVIEW!**

 

 

 

 


	40. Loba

**Hey guys, here is an update of AWCM. I hope you all enjoy this chapter!**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged!**

* * *

 

"Baby?" Emma asked as she leaned against the doorframe of their bedroom.

"Yes?" Regina replied as she pulled her pajama top over her head.

"I haven't seen your mother in awhile…"

"And?"

"I'm concerned."

"For the town or for her?"

"Town. Obviously," Emma said with a smirk as she moved to the bed and crawled under the covers with her wife.

"I've heard that there has been some ship issues going on. Perhaps she has been fighting some battles," Regina said as she snuggled against her wife.

Emma smiled and kissed the top of Regina's head. "Maybe, but I would have thought she would call me."

"We have Lily now, darling. Perhaps she is finally realizing that you have other duties."

Emma sighed. "I guess."

"You feel left out don't you," Regina deadpanned.

"Yes!" Emma threw her hands up in the air. "I do! That bitch gets to go have awesome battles and I don't, what the fuck is that!"

Regina rolled her eyes.

"No, seriously Regina. It is bullshit I say. BULLSHIT!"

"Then go confront her," Regina replied with another roll of her eyes.

"I will," Emma muttered as she angrily cuddled her wife.

* * *

_In an underground portion of Storybrooke…_

"How has it been going?" The woman asked as she peered over a shoulder at the computer.

"We are tracking them. There are some people acting up. A few factions of CaptainSwan and SwanFire have been going at it pretty hard."

"Do we need to intervene?"

"Not yet. Hook has been taking care of his crew. SwanFire is cleaning up their own mess."

"What of OutlawQueen?"

"They're mainly talking about swallows."

"African or European?"

"African."

"All is calm then."

"For now. Yes."

"Excellent."

* * *

 

 _Above ground Storybrooke…_

"So what have you been doing lately Captain?" Hook asked as he and Cora strolled down Main Street.

"Mainly reblogging pictures of cats. Hook, you have to see this video of these fucking cats slamming into babies and knocking them over. It is _hilarious_ ," Cora said excitedly, practically bouncing up and down.

"I shall take a look, lass," Hook replied with a smile. "I missed this. Us. Just hanging out."

"Me too," Cora said.

They walked in silence for a moment.

"You want to go fuck shit up?" Hook asked suddenly.

"Oh fuck yes!" Cora yelled before grabbing Hook and rushing down the street.

They rounded a corner and slowed their pace.

"There," Cora said as she pointed ahead to a bakery.

"The Muffin Man's shop?"

"He has the most delicious cheesecake in all the realms," Cora said, her mouth watering.

"Ah, love? You're drooling on the ground."

Cora glanced down before making her puddle disappear. "He's leaving."

They watched as the Muffin Man disappeared from view before rushing to the shop and magicking the door open.

"Alright. Fan out. Find the cheesecake!" Cora said as they began rummaging through the shop.

"Captain! Here!" Hook yelled after a minute as he opened a fridge. Inside sat twenty cheesecakes of various flavors.

Cora stood with her mouth hanging open as she stared at the cheesecake with wide eyes.

"This is the most beautiful sight I have ever seen," Hook said in awe. "I would rather gaze upon these cheesecakes than any lass in all the realms."

"Even a hot mermaid?"

"Aye," Hook mumbled before looking to Cora.

Cora whipped up two forks and handed one to Hook.

"I'll take the 15 on the right," Cora said with a smirk, earning an eye roll from Hook.

"Fuck that, I'll take all 20 of them!"

"That's the spirit!" Cora yelled happily as she grabbed a cheesecake and handed it to Hook before she dug into her own cheesecake. "Let's rock this bitch."

"I can't find your mother still. It's like she has disappeared from Storybrooke!" Emma said with an exasperated sigh.

Regina merely smirked as Emma's phone rang.

"Sheriff Swan," Emma answered. "Really? Alright, just stay there and I'll be over."

"What's wrong?" Regina asked as Emma hung up the phone.

"The Muffin Man, his bakery was broken into, I'm going to go check it out," Emma said before kissing her wife sweetly, earning an approving hum from Regina. "Where's Lily?"

"She is with your mother."

"Oh god, Regina whyyyyyyyyy," Emma whined.

Regina chuckled. "Snow is the only one that can watch her while we work my love."

Emma rolled her eyes before waving bye and leaving Regina's office. She hastily made her way to her cruiser and took off down the street, heading for the Muffin Man's bakery.

It only took her a moment before arriving at the scene. She ordered the Muffin Man to wait by the car while she rushed inside, gun out, and took a look around. She stealthily moved around the shop, pausing when she heard two sets of pained groans.

"This is the Sheriff, freeze!" Emma yelled as she rounded a corner. "Cora? Hook?"

"So. Much. Cheese," Cora groaned out as she laid on the tile floor.

"Captain, my tummy aches," Hook whimpered as he dropped his fork.

"You guys ate his cheesecake!" Emma yelled.

"Fuck yeah we did," Cora moaned as she attempted to sit up. "It was fucking delicious."

"You fuckers didn't even call me! What the hell man!" Emma yelled as she kicked Hook in the legs.

"Ah Swan don't do that. I'll barf on you."

"Barfing is for losers. You shut the fuck up and keep that delicious cheesecake down," Cora said before lying back down and rolling over to Emma.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"Too full. Can't sit up. Must roll to destination."

"What destination is that?" Emma asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Cheesecake," Cora muttered as she rolled passed Emma to a nearby, almost fully eaten, cheesecake. She picked up her fork and shoveled some into her mouth. "So fucking good."

"Wait. Wait for me," Hook groaned as he rolled over to Cora and dug into the cheesecake as well.

Emma shrugged before moving to the other two and sitting down next to them. She pulled a fork out of her back pocket and dug into the cheesecake.

"So if you would have called me, Regina would have had to come get us all, huh?" Emma asked as she shoved another bite of cheesecake in her mouth.

"Totally," Cora said. "Plus, she would most likely have found out what I did to Lily."

Emma paused mid bite. "What did you do to Lily?"

* * *

_Earlier that day…_

"Hi sweetie. Nana is here," Cora said with a grin, causing the baby to look at her and giggle. "Nana is just going to do a quick spell okay?"

Lily giggled.

Cora snapped her fingers and a little lightening bolt scar appeared on Lily's forehead.

"Now your mom can't deny you're the chosen one." Cora grinned before giving Lily a kiss and poofing away.

"Lily you awake?" Snow asked as she entered the room. She smiled as she walked over to the baby, her smile falling as she looked at Lily and the symbol on her forehead. Snow's eyes widened. "Charming!"

"Yeah hun?" Charming asked as he entered the room, stopping when he saw what Snow saw.

"She's _the chosen one_ ," Snow said with wide eyes and a creepy voice.

"Ah fuck."

* * *

_Present day…_

"Nothing nothing just gave her a new hat," Cora replied before flopping back onto the tile.

"How many cheesecakes did you eat?" Emma asked the duo.

"I took the ten on the left and Cora took the ten on the right."

"We decimated those delicious fuckers." Cora rubbed her stomach.

"You know this is how the Muffin Man makes his living right?"

"I thought he made his living off muffins?" Hook asked.

Cora snorted with laughter; reaching over and giving Hook a fist bump.

"Alright, I'm gonna go. You guys can get yourselves out of this one," Emma said as she stood and left the two idiots on the floor.

"How are we going to get out of here Captain?" Hook asked as he army crawled away from the cheesecake.

"Follow me," Cora said as she army crawled to a nearby exit. She groaned and panted as she moved across the floor before magickly opening the door and crawling outside.

"Couldn't you have just poofed us out?" Hook asked as he crawled behind Cora.

"One. Shut the fuck up. Two. You might wanna move upwind."

"Wha-?" Hook paused before gagging. "Good lord woman."

"I'm lactose intolerant okay!" Cora yelled.

* * *

_Somewhere in the underground of Storybrooke…_

"We have something!"

"What is it?"

"A SwanQueen shipper got pretty wasted at The Rabbit Hole and is having a row with a CaptainSwan shipper."

"Let's move out everyone. Mobilize!"

The group ran from the hideout, easily navigating the tunnels of Storybrooke before leaping up and pushing a manhole aside. They emerged in the street, stealthily splitting up and rushing the Rabbit Hole but keeping out of sight.

The leader gave the first howl, echoing in the night as the others joined in. The two shippers paused their heated argument before looking around to find the sound.

Two yips signaled the pack to emerge and circle the shippers.

"Take him," the leader said as they rushed the shippers. The SwanQueen shipper had a black sack thrown over their head and was being taken away from the scene while the CaptainSwan shipper stared on in confusion.

"You will not speak of this," the leader said before raising their finger to their lips in a 'shh' before fleeing from the scene and disappearing into the night.

The pack returned to the underground with the SwanQueen shipper and placed them in a secluded room.

"Where am I?" The townie demanded.

"You are here at my displeasure,"

"You have something against SwanQueen?" The townie yelled as the one henchman ripped the sack from his head.

"On the contrary. I ship it," the leader grinned wolfishly, only their white teeth visible beneath the fur.

"Then why are you treating me this way?"

"Because you were openly harassing that shipper, and _that_ , we cannot have," the leader replied as they circled the townie. "If you feel that strongly about the CaptainSwan shippers, perhaps you should just tell your buddies about it instead."

The leader moved away from the townie and looked to their henchmen. "Do it."

The henchmen nodded before pulling two feathers from their pockets and closing in on the townie.

"No. No. Not the tickling. NOT THE TICKLING NOOOOOOO!"

The leader cackled maniacally before exiting the room.

* * *

_In the near future…_

"Emma, we have a serious problem," Charming said as he approached his daughter.

"What's up?" Emma asked, eyebrows knitting in confusion.

"Townies have been going missing and then showing up in random locations totally out of their mind. They get better after a day and it's like… Like…"

"Like?" Emma urged.

"They're so much nicer!" Charming exclaimed.

"I'm so confused. What?"

"The townies that were being taken, were being assholes. Instigating shipping wars and everything. A whole bunch has been getting taken lately."

"I had no idea. Why didn't I know about this?" Emma asked.

"Maybe if you would remove your head from between your wife's thighs for like 5 mins you would," Cora said as she appeared next to Emma and Charming.

"Cora."

"Kinky bitch," Cora mumbled. "Anyways, yeah I have been noticing the recent events and I am here to tell you not to worry. I will have the Armada investigate it."

Emma's eyes narrowed. "Are you behind this?"

"Nope." Cora gave a dismissive wave.

"Cora," Emma warned.

"I have a date with Hook," Cora said. "Leave these Wolves to me."

"Wolves?" Emma asked in confusion.

"That's what they're being called. The Wolves."

Cora poofed away.

"So what do they do?"

"Basically they've been taking any shippers who have been getting a little too rowdy and yelling at other shippers for no reason. I mean, we are talking OutlawQueen, SwanFire, CaptainSwan, SwanQueen, Rumbelle… even Cora's ship BlackWolf has been acting up," Charming explained.

"BlackWolf…" Emma paused, "Ruby!"

"Emma?"

"Gotta go dad!" Emma said before rushing off towards Granny's.

She burst through the door a moment later and caught Rubes.

"Hey Rubes, I have a question."

"What's up?"

"Do you know anything about this group The Wolves?" Emma asked seriously.

Ruby raised an eyebrow. "You think I would because I am a werewolf right?"

"Well, yeah."

"THAT IS SO FUCKING STUPID JUST BECAUSE I AM A WEREWOLF DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM INVOLVED IN EVERY FUCKING WEIRD WOLF THING THAT HAPPENS AROUND HERE!" Ruby yelled, drawing the attention of the patrons in the diner.

"Rubes I only meant-"

"IT ISN'T MY FAULT THAT I TURN INTO A WEREWOLF AT THE FULL MOON AND IT ISN'T MY FAULT THAT I OCCASSIONALLY PEE ALL OVER THE OUTSIDE OF TOWN HALL!"

"That was you?"

"I HAVE A SMALL BLADDER OKAY AND I CAN'T HELP IT IF I DIG HOLES IN THE CEMETARY AND OCCASSIONALLY FIND BONES IT ISN'T MY FAULT ALRIGHT!"

"Ruby-"

"IT ALSO ISN'T MY FAULT THAT I OCCASSIONALLY KILL SOME OF SNOWS WOODLAND FRIENDS I GET HUNGRY AND I CANT HELP IT AND THE SQUIRRELS ARE JUST SO DELICIOUS!"

"YOU KILLED NANCY AND ALFRED?!" Snow shrieked from a nearby booth before handing Lily over to Zelena.

"The fuck is on her forehead?" Zelena asked aloud as she looked at the baby.

"They were there and I was hungry!"

"THEY HAD FAMILIES RUBY FUCKING FAMILIES! THERE WERE BABIES AND NOW I AM TRYING TO HAVE THE BABIES GET ADOPTED BECAUSE I THOUGHT SOME BEAST ATE THEM!"

"Technically Ruby is a beast," Cora said with a wink, making Zelena snort.

"When the fuck did you get here?" Emma asked with wide eyes.

Cora snorted. "Please."

"DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET SQUIRRELS ADOPTED BY OTHER WOODLAND CREATURES! MANY OF THEM HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH BABIES TO TAKE CARE OF! NOW THE BABIES HAVE TO BE RAISED BY FLOWER THE SKUNK AND MARTIN THE FUCKING RACCOON!"

"Snow-"

"THE BABIES WILL HAVE QUESTIONS RUBY. _**QUESTIONS!**_ " Snow yelled.

"No but for real, what's on this babies head? Why is there a lightening bolt?" Zelena asked, but no one listened. "Why do I fucking bother?"

"Shhhh don't mention the scar," Cora whispered with a wink.

"Ahhh I should have known this was you," Zelena replied with a grin.

"OKAY THAT IS ENOUGH!" Emma yelled finally before looking to Ruby. "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU PEEING ALL OVER TOWN OR EATING MY MOMS FRIENDS!"

"Hey!" Snow yelled.

Emma turned to her mother. "I AM TRYING TO FIND OUT ABOUT THE WOLVES SO YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THE WOODLAND CREATURES AND I AM PRETTY SURE THE SQUIRRELS WONT CARE THAT THEY WERE RAISED BY A SKUNK AND RACCOON _**BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING SQUIRRELS!**_ "

Emma turned to Cora. "SERIOUSLY WHEN DID YOU FUCKING GET HERE!?" She then turned to look at Zelena. "WHAT IS ON MY BABIES HEAD!?"

"I gotta go," Cora said before disappearing from sight.

"Why do I bother?" Emma asked aloud before looking to Ruby. "About The Wolves."

"All I know is that they are a group of people that have been taking down the haters from the different ships. Apparently they are SwanQueen based but will even go after their own if they are getting out of line."

"Who is the leader?"

"I don't know," Ruby said before glancing around the diner. "I do know that they call her Loba."

"Loba?"

"It's Spanish for She-Wolf," Ruby said with a nod.

"Loba, huh? I guess I need to find out who this Loba is," Emma said before looking to Zelena. "What is on her forehead?"

Zelena just looked at Emma and then back at Lily before turning the baby to face Emma and holding her up. She began singing the opening song of the Lion King.

Emma rolled her eyes before look at Lily. "She has a lightening bolt on her…. CORA!"

"SHE'S THE CHOSEN ONE EMMA. THE _CHOSEN ONE!_ " Snow yelled before taking the baby.

"I don't have time for this right now and if Regina sees that scar she is going to kill her mother. So, just keep her out of sight?" Emma said to the two women before turning and exiting Granny's.

She headed down the street; stopping in the middle when she heard some yips and howls. Emma ran towards the noise and stayed out of sight behind a corner as she peered around it to get a better look. An OutlawQueen shipper and a CaptainSwan shipper were having a heated argument when The Wolves appeared.

The group moved quickly and stealthily. They looked like they came straight out of the cult of Remus and Romulus. Wolf pelts adorned their bodies, covering their heads and shoulders. Quickly, they put sacks over the two shippers heads and carried them off, all within the span of a few seconds.

Emma blinked in surprise. She hadn't realized that the group was so efficient.

"WOOOOOOOO!" Cora's voice echoed down the street as she came flying down the road on a scooter, wrapped in a snuggie.

"Captain! Watch this!" Hook yelled as he pushed his scooter down the road and coasted toward a small ramp. The scooter went up the ramp and he spun around, performing a trick before landing on the ground and riding back to Cora.

Emma thought it was weird that the two of them would show up right after The Wolves disappeared.

"Hey!" Emma called as she approached the duo.

"Hey Emma!" Cora yelled happily as she coasted around the blonde on her scooter. "Would you like a snuggie and a scooter?"

"Why are you wearing snuggies?" Emma asked.

Hook and Cora shared a look before giving Emma an, 'are you serious' look.

"Because they're hella comfy," Cora said seriously.

"And quite soft," Hook chimed in as he stroked the snuggie.

Cora reached out a hand and stopped him. "Don't- don't stroke the snuggie. We talked about this."

Hook pouted but stopped nonetheless.

"Listen, you two didn't see anything strange by any chance did you?"

"What do you mean?" Hook asked.

"I just saw The Wolves. They came and took a CaptainSwan shipper and an OutlawQueen shipper."

"Why the fuck would they take them? What do they have to argue about?" Cora asked seriously.

"Swallows?" Hook asked.

"African or European?"

"CaptainSwan seems to favor European," Hook supplied.

"Ahhhh there it is that'll do it," Cora replied.

"Hey, focus! Maybe you could tell me how you know about The Wolves," Emma said matter-of-factly.

Cora eyed her. "Wait, you think this is me! NOW YOU LISTEN HERE MISSY I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SHIPPERS BEING TAKEN AIGHT!?"

"I find that hard to believe Cora."

"Bitch," Cora muttered as she pouted. "I might know where you could find out some information."

"Where?"

"The docks. There's a man hanging around there. Seems to be keeping an eye on the situation as well. He might be able to help."

"What's it gonna cost me?"

Hook looked at her darkly. "Your life."

Cora and Emma looked to him with raised eyebrows before Cora smacked him in the back of the head.

"Hey! I was trying to be funny!" Hook defended as he rubbed his head. He hopped back on his scooter and continued riding around.

Cora shook her head before looking back to Emma. "It's gonna cost you a pound of gummy bears and some porn."

"Seriously?" Emma asked with a laugh.

"I never joke about gummy bears or porn Emma."

"What kind of porn?"

"Whatever you wanna pick up. He isn't picky," Cora replied with a shrug.

"How do you know these people?"

"He's an informant for the Armada, Emma," Cora replied with an eye roll. "Now if you will excuse me, I have some scootering to attend to." Cora hopped on her scooter and rode off after Hook, the two of them doing tricks down the road and goofing off.

Emma watched as Hook wiped out, taking Cora down with him. She chuckled as Cora hurled insults at him and watched as they attempted to untangle themselves before she turned and headed off to the store.

She was able to acquire the gummy bears and porn fairly quick and ran off towards the docks to see if the informant was there. The docks were pretty empty, save for a lone man wearing a trench coat and hat.

"Are you the informant for the Armada?" Emma asked as she approached.

"Who wants to- oh, Emma. What can I help you with?" The informant asked, keeping his head low.

"You can give me information on The Wolves and Loba."

"You have the payment?" He asked.

Emma handed him the gummy bears and porn.

"I honestly can't tell you much. From my understanding they take hateful shippers and rehabilitate them, make them nice and then put them back into society. As for Loba, no one but The Wolves has seen her face, to my knowledge. No one outside of The Wolves know who she really is, and I wouldn't be surprised if most of them are unaware."

Emma sighed. "Do you know where they are hiding?"

"They're pretty quick to disappear. I'm thinking that they are going underground. It would be the only explanation for their quick retreats."

"Thanks. I'll have to check it out."

"They are most active at night it seems, I would try and hit the underground then."

"Thanks!" Emma eyed the informant carefully. "I know you."

"No you don't." The informant shifted.

"Archie?"

"Shhhhhhhhh."

"Dude." Emma shook her head before putting her hands up and backing away.

Looks like she would have to investigate The Wolves tonight.

* * *

Emma roamed the streets of Storybrooke. It was late and she left Regina sleeping soundly in the house. It was just past midnight as she canvassed the neighborhood, noting all of the manholes and possible underground entrances. She listened carefully, waiting for any sign that The Wolves were near.

She heard some commotion coming from the cemetery and quickly ran towards it, ducking behind a bush when she saw figures.

"CaptainSwan FOR LIFE!" A shipper yelled as he swung a toy lightsaber.

"VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN!" The other shipper yelled as they swung their own saber.

They clashed and battled, fighting tooth and nail.

"Oi mate!" Hook yelled suddenly as he appeared on the scene, grabbing his shipper and pushing him away from the SQer.

"Captain! I was defending our ship!"

"Save it for the trial Malcolm," Hook said seriously. "I've been keeping an eye on you, you've been going out of your way to harass multiple shippers, we are starting to get fed up with cleaning up your mess."

"But captain!"

"I'm throwing you to The Wolves, Malcolm," Hook said gravely as he moved to help the SQer up from the ground.

"But Emma is meant to be with you!"

Hook rolled his eyes. "Swan is with Regina. Happily married and they have two children. Not to mention I am Lily's godfather. Perhaps in another realm we would have been together. But alas, it wasn't meant to be here. That is alright."

"But-!"

"What isn't alright is you harassing anyone who doesn't agree with you."

Emma watched on intently, waiting to see if The Wolves would appear. She was surprised that Hook seemed to be in on it.

"What are we watching?" Cora asked quietly, suddenly appearing next to Emma.

"Jesus Cora!" Emma yelped quietly. "Why do you keep doing that?"

"Sorry. Hook sent me a text about the situation. We were supposed to egg rumple's shop tonight, but then this happened."

"He's going to send this guy to The Wolves."

"Oh goodie!" Cora said excitedly as she poofed them some popcorn. "Enjoy the show dear."

"You know a lot about The Wolves don't you," Emma said seriously, watching as Cora shrugged but didn't say anything.

Hook gave two yips and suddenly The Wolves began appearing from different directions, eventually surrounding the CaptainSwan shipper.

"Please Captain! Don't do this!" Malcolm yelled as he was dragged away and disappeared from sight.

"Come on," Cora said to Emma as she walked towards Hook.

"Captain," Hook greeted, his eyebrows rising when he saw Emma. "Swan?"

"We gotta tell her Hook," Cora said before gesturing for Emma to follow them.

They entered a mausoleum and walked down the stairs, coming out into a series of winding tunnels. Emma swallowed thickly as she followed the two, mentally keeping track of every twist and turn they took.

Sounds echoed through the tunnels, a few voices of hysterical laughter bouncing off of the walls.

"Welcome to The Wolves," Cora said as she gestured to everyone in the one room. Computers lined the walls as people bustled back and forth, keeping tabs.

"What is all this?" Emma asked.

"The Wolves is an underground organization of the Armada, specifically designed to keep track and tabs of any shipper from any ship who is harassing another shipper. Whenever one gets out of line, The Wolves descend on the prey and put them through a rehabilitation program," Cora explained as they walked.

"What program is that?" Emma asked as Cora opened a door to a room, revealing the program.

A shipper was strapped to a chair, their shoes and socks off as a Wolf tickled their feet with feathers.

"Woah," Emma muttered.

"We found that inducing laughter makes them in a better mood and they're usually more pleasant after the treatment."

"This is just phase one. Repeat offenders get sent to the bunny chamber," Hook said.

Emma's eyebrow rose. "Bunny chamber?"

"Follow me," Cora said as she walked down the hallway, entering another room.

Malcolm was sitting on the floor, surrounded by a hundred bunny rabbits that cuddled into him and lightly nibbled on him. He was giggling as he cuddled the bunnies.

"Yep, he will have certainly learned his lesson," Hook said proudly before they shut the door.

"Does my mother know her bunnies are missing?" Emma asked jokingly.

"White chocolate made the donation," Cora replied simply, causing Emma's eyes to widen.

"Okay so… are you Loba then?" Emma asked Cora.

"No. Would you like to meet her though?" Cora asked as she gestured for Emma to follow her down another tunnel, eventually leading into a throne room.

A woman stood near a table, talking to one of the henchmen and discussing.

"Loba," Cora greeted as she entered the room, causing the woman to look up, but not enough to see her face.

Her wolf pelt covered her head, and her shoulders, but not bothering to cover the ample cleavage that was protruding.

"REGINA!?" Emma squealed as she immediately recognized her wife's cleavage.

"Emma," Regina greeted before pulling the fur back and smiling.

"Baby what are you doing? You were home sleeping?" Emma asked seriously as she moved to her wife, gesturing wildly.

"I took a nap and then woke up to come here. I was growing tired of everyone fighting with each other and decided to take action. I ran the idea by my mother and she decided to make it into an underground organization." Regina grinned, as did Emma.

"You're awesome," Emma said with a smile as she pulled her wife to her. "Kinda hot looking in this outfit too."

"Oh?" Regina smirked seductively.

"Oh my god you fucking kinky bitches," Hook said with a grin, earning a high five from Cora.

"Wait… you guys rehabilitate them but like what if they CANT be helped?" Emma asked suddenly as she eyed her wife.

"We lock them in a room with people that are pissed off about the red cup incident," Regina replied easily.

"Oh shit."

* * *

**A/N: Well, I hope you guys liked the chapter. Don't forget to review!**


	41. The Play

 

**Hey guys, here is a new chapter. I threw this together after getting some inspiration.**

**Reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Also, the story lines are from little snow-white by the Grimm brothers.**

* * *

"Baby? Have you seen your mother?" Emma called as she carried Lily to her room to put her down for her afternoon nap. The kid was getting big, and Emma released a puff of air as she shifted the baby on her hip.

"I believe she is at the PlayHouse!" Regina called back as she exited their bedroom and followed Emma into Lily's room.

"PlayHouse? You mean the community theatre? What the hell for?" Emma asked as she put Lily in her crib and tucked her in. She clicked on the play mobile hanging from the ceiling, watching as it began to sing a lullaby and move slowly.

Lily giggled happily before passing out.

"She sleeps like you," Regina pointed out with a small smile.

"Yeah, she's adorable." Emma grinned and wrapped her arms around her wife, gently placing a kiss to her lips.

"My mother is directing a play," Regina mumbled against Emma's lips, answering her earlier question.

Emma pulled back slightly. "She's directing a play?"

"Yes, I do not know what play or what the details are, but that is what Ruby informed me," Regina replied with a smile. "Apparently it is happening tomorrow night. The dwarves have been working on the set for the show, and the fairies are doing the costumes."

"Who is starring in it?" Emma asked with a chuckle.

"I do not know, dear," Regina replied, her brow furrowing in thought. "Ruby mentioned something about choosing the cast the day of the show. Apparently it is to be authentic and original." Regina rolled her eyes.

"How the hell do you put on a play when you pick your cast last minute?" Emma asked with a hearty laugh. "I'm going to go track down your mom and see what's going on."

Regina sighed. "Alright dear, don't be too long though."

"Why, something happening?" Emma asked worriedly.

Regina smirked before reaching out and grabbing Emma's shirt. She pulled her close, dark brown eyes flickering up and red lips parting as a pink tongue poked out and ran along her lips.

"I have plans for you Savior," Regina said saucily before lighting biting Emma's lip.

The blonde groaned happily and moved to kiss her wife, but was met with a firm hand keeping her at bay.

"Go check on my mother and we can finish this later," Regina commanded with a wink before moving past Emma, her ass swaying for emphasis.

"Your mother is going to kill me," Emma mumbled to her sleeping baby before exiting the house.

* * *

"CAREFUL WITH THE TREE!" Cora yelled as she bolted onto the stage, sliding across the floor, and slamming into Leroy.

"KEEP IT STEADY!" Leroy yelled to his fellow dwarves as they pulled on the ropes, carefully pulling the tree upright.

"I don't understand why you couldn't just do some magic," Leroy panted as he pointed to the now upright tree.

Cora merely waved a dismissive hand.

"Cora?" Emma's voice called out, causing the older woman to spin around.

"Emma! Will you be coming to the show tomorrow night?" Cora asked excitedly, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet.

"Hells yeah!" Emma replied happily as she high fived the woman. "So what is the play?"

"Okay, so… Regina probably doesn't remember this. BUT, I totally gave her a proposal to allow citizens of Storybrooke to direct their own plays, AND whoever they want to appear in the play must comply."

"How the fuck did you get her to agree to that?" Emma asked, her eyes wide.

Cora waved a dismissive hand. "Please."

Emma eyed her a moment. "She doesn't remember does she."

"Nope."

"Cora."

"Hey don't 'Cora' me, swan. I did what I had to do." Cora huffed. "Besides, you're gonna fucking love this play."

"What's the play?" Emma asked with a raised eyebrow.

Cora smirked internally at the gesture that clearly resembled her daughter.

"Little snow-white."

* * *

"This is absurd!" Regina squeaked as the fairies dressed her in her costume. "I certainly would have never signed off on this!"

Cora merely rolled her eyes. "Well ya did. So just shut up and get dressed. This is our big début."

Regina rolled her eyes at her mother, but complied nonetheless.

"Cora," Snow began tentatively, "I don't understand this whole thing. We never even rehearsed. You literally threw the scripts at us and dragged us here and that was all."

"That's how it is supposed to be Snow," Cora replied with a sigh. "It makes it funnier. Come on this is for Storybrooke!"

"And for the animals."

"Yes, Snow, and the animals."

"Yessssss." Snow fist pumped while Regina muttered something under her breath about wanting to poison her.

"Alright people! The show is about to begin!" Cora yelled as she magically poofed to the front row, appearing next to Emma.

"How's Regina doing?" Emma asked with a smirk as her son took a seat next to Cora.

"What's going on?" Henry asked as he shoved some popcorn in his mouth.

"Henry? Where have you been?" Emma asked.

"I was camping… all week… with Hansel and Gretel?" Henry drawled out, waiting for his mother to remember.

"Ohhhh right right," Emma mumbled.

"Swan, Captain, Henry," Hook said in greeting as he took a seat next to Emma and began eating his popcorn.

"You guys are gonna love this," Cora said excitedly, practically bouncing in her seat. "It's gonna be funny."

"I can't wait to see Regina's face," Emma whispered to Cora, the two of them giggling as the lights began to dim.

Ruby's voice began over the microphone, " _It was the middle of winter, and the snow-flakes were falling like feathers from the sky, and a Queen sat at her window working, and her embroidery-frame was of ebony. And as she worked, gazing at times out on the snow, she pricked her finger, and there fell from it three drops of blood on the snow…_ "

Zelena appeared on stage, looking rather annoyed, as she had to play Snow White's mother.

"Oh that I had a child as white as snow, as red as blood, and as black as the wood of the embroidery frame," she read in a monotonous voice. An eye roll followed her line. "This is bloody stupid."

"SHHHH!" Cora yelled at Zelena, before Ruby continued narrating.

" _Not very long after she had a daughter, with a skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and hair as black as ebony, and she was named Snow-white_."

"THAT'S ME!" Snow screeched off stage.

"Damnit Snow!" Cora yelled, earning a laugh from everyone in the audience.

" _And when she was born the Queen died_."

"Oh no. How horrible," Zelena drawled before she stormed off of the stage, muttering as she went.

" _After a year had gone by the King took another wife, a beautiful woman, but proud and overbearing, and she could not bear to be surpassed in beauty by any one_."

Regina appeared on stage while Ruby talked, a pissy expression resided on her face as her eyes landed on her family. Emma gave a loud whistle when she saw one of Regina's more revealing Evil Queen outfits. Henry whistled with his mother, a grin on his face, then Cora, and then a few others in the auditorium.

Regina quirked an eyebrow at them all before looking down at her script, and eyeing the words before her and sighing.

" _She had a magic looking-glass, and she used to stand before it, and look in it, and say_ …" Ruby trailed off.

"Looking glass upon the wall, who is fairest of us all?" Regina read off of the page. "This is stupid I would never do this!"

"FOLLOW THE SCRIPT!" Cora yelled, earning an eye roll from her daughter.

Sidney appeared from behind the glass mirror. "You are fairest of them all."

Regina rolled her eyes.

" _And she was contented, for she knew that the looking-glass spoke the truth_ ," Ruby said.

The scene changed and Snow appeared, looking pleased to be there as she strutted around on the stage.

" _Now, Snow-white was growing prettier and prettier, and when she was seven years old she was as beautiful as day, far more so than the Queen herself."_

"Wait- I'M SEVEN!?" Snow screamed in shock.

Regina laughed loudly. "I think it is humorous that you are a child and that you could be prettier than me." Regina smirked evilly before Ruby loudly cleared her throat.

" _So one day when the Queen went to her mirror and said_ …"

"Looking-glass upon the wall, who is fairest of us all?" Regina asked with another eye roll.

"Queen, you are full fair, 'tis true, But Snow-white fairer is than you," Sidney said. "You know I think you are much fairer, Regina."

"BACK OFF SIDNEY!" Cora yelled before throwing a prop at him and making the man scurry off to a corner.

" _This gave the Queen a great shock, and she became yellow and green with envy, and from that hour her heart turned against Snow-white, and she hated her_."

"At least this story got one detail correct," Regina said with a smirk as she looked to Snow.

"Oh you know what Regina!?" Snow squeaked as she stomped towards the woman.

"Huntsman!" Regina yelled, watching with glee as Zelena stomped on the stage.

"Why must I play all the dead people?!" Zelena yelled to her mother.

"BECAUSE REGINA AND I FUCKED SHIT UP AND KILLED EVERYONE ELSE!" Cora yelled. "NOW READ YOUR DAMN LINES!"

Regina held up her script. "Take the child out into the woods, so that I may set eyes on her no more. You must put her to death, and bring me her heart for a token." Regina smirked as she glared at Snow.

" _The huntsman consented, and led her away; but when he drew his cutlass to pierce Snow-white's innocent heart, she began to weep._ "

Snow began to cry dramatically, grasping onto Zelena's sleeves and fake sobbing. Zelena rolled her eyes as she watched the ridiculous display.

"Oh, dear huntsman, do not take my life; I will go away into the wild wood, and never come home again," Snow cried dramatically as she fell down onto the ground and threw her arm over her face.

"Get the fuck outta here," Zelena snarled.

" _For he thought the wild animals would be sure to devour her, and it was as if a stone had been rolled away from his heart when he did not put her to death. Just at that moment a young wild boar came running by, so he caught and killed it, and taking out its heart, he brought it to the Queen for a token_."

"Thank you dear," Regina said to her sister as Zelena handed her the fake heart.

"Yeah yeah."

" _And it was salted and cooked, and the wicked woman ate it up, thinking that there was an end to Snow-white_."

"WHAT THE HELL I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!" Regina angrily yelled.

"OH MY GOD THAT IS SO GROSS THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" Zelena yelled.

"I NEVER DID THAT!"

"I would hope not! That is appalling!"

"I am a QUEEN, I am more refined than that!" Regina yelled back.

"SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU!" Cora yelled finally. "Ruby continue!"

" _Now, when the poor child found herself quite alone in the wild woods, she felt full of terror, even of the very leaves on the trees, and she did not know what to do for fright_."

Regina and Zelena stalked off stage, and the scene shifted as Snow dramatically pretended to be afraid of leaves.

"THEY'RE GOING TO EAT MEEEEE!" Snow yelled as she lightly slapped the leaves.

" _Then she began to run over the sharp stones and through the thorn bushes, and the wild beasts after her, but they did her no harm. She ran as long as her feet would carry her; and when the evening drew near she came to a little house, and she went inside to rest. Everything there was very small, but as pretty and clean as possible. There stood the little table ready laid, and covered with a white cloth, and seven little plates, and seven knives and forks, and drinking cup_ s."

"Who the fuck just enters someone else's home," Cora muttered to Emma, drawing a laugh from the blonde.

" _By the wall stood seven little beds, side by side, covered with clean white quilts. Snow-white, being very hungry and thirsty, ate from each plate a little porridge and bread, and drank out of each little cup a drop of wine, so as not to finish up one portion alone. After that she felt so tired that she lay down on one of the beds, but it did not seem to suit her; one was too long, another too short, but at last the seventh was quite right; and so she lay down upon it, committed herself to Heaven, and fell asleep_."

Snow dramatically acted out the scene, overacting each action, before falling onto the bed.

"Wow Snow, rude!" Cora called from the audience. "You don't even know them. Seriously woman, that's just inconsiderate."

"Yeah mom what the hell."

"I AM ACTING!" Snow shrieked before falling back to fake sleep.

The dwarves entered the scene suddenly and began acting surprised at the state of their kitchen and wares.

"Who has been sitting in my little chair?" The first dwarf asked.

"Who has been eating from my little plate?"

"Who has been taking my little loaf?"

"Who has been tasting my porridge?"

"Who has been using my little fork?"

"Who has been cutting with my little knife?"

"Who the FUCK drank from my goddamn cup!" Leroy yelled his line, drawing the stares of the other dwarves. "What?"

The dwarves went back to their acting, wondering aloud who had been in their home and who had ruffled their beds up.

Leroy looked to his bed then, and upon seeing Snow White sleeping there, he said, "WHO THE FUCK IS THAT IN MY BED? FIRST THEY DRINK FROM MY CUP AND NOW THEY'RE SLEEPING IN MY BED! WHAT THE FUCK!?"

"LEROY THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT!" Cora yelled as she threw a shoe at him.

"Whose shoe is this?" Leroy asked as he held it up.

Mother Goose stomped up to the stage and grabbed her shoe off of him before heading back to her seat.

"O goodness! O gracious! What beautiful child is this?" The dwarves all spoke in unison as they looked at Snow.

Snow dramatically awoke with a loud yawn and her arms spreading out. She greeted the dwarves before introducing herself and then recounting her horrible tale of how her evil stepmother was trying to kill her. The dwarves agreed to allow her to stay as long as she kept house, and cooked dinner, for them.

"Yo, don't let anyone in the house because it might be that regal bitch trying to kill you," Leroy said.

"Hey!" Regina growled off stage.

The scene changed again, showing the castle, and Regina waltzed on stage, passing the dwarves and Snow, and shooting a glare at Leroy.

She moved to her mirror and asked, "Looking-glass upon the wall, who is fairest of us all?"

Sidney cleared his throat, "Queen, thou art of beauty rare, but Snow-white living in the glen with the seven little men is a thousand times more fair."

"A thousand? Fucking really?" Regina asked seriously, her eyes narrowing on her script. "Bitch would be lucky if she was two times fairer."

"YOU TELL THEM BABY!" Emma cheered from the audience, bringing a blush to Regina's cheeks.

Regina glanced at her script and began seething, pacing back and forth before using her magic to disguise herself as an old hag. The scene changed again and Regina hobbled towards the little cottage where Snow was obnoxiously singing.

"Good-day, good woman, what have you to sell?" Snow asked as she peeked out from the window.

"Stuff. Things," Regina said flippantly as she held up some lace.

"I LOVE STUFF AND THINGS!" Snow yelled before rushing outside.

"What a figure you are, child!" said Regina, "come and let me lace you properly for once." Regina smirked before glancing down at her script.

Regina wrapped the lace around Snow, rolling her eyes as the woman overdramatically died and fell to the ground.

"Bye bye you crazy," Regina muttered before poofing herself off stage.

The dwarves entered the scene then, becoming frantic when they discovered Snow, with her tongue hanging out. They cut the lace and Snow hopped to her feet, immediately telling them what happened.

"The old peddler woman was no other than the wicked Queen; you must beware of letting any one in when we are not here!" The dwarves all yelled in unison.

The scene changed back to the castle, where Regina resided in all of her Evil Queen glory.

Regina sighed as she looked at the script, "Looking glass against the wall, who is fairest of us all?"

"Queen, thou art of beauty rare, but Snow-white living in the glen with the seven little men is a thousand times more fair."

" _When she heard that she was so struck with surprise that all the blood left her heart, for she knew that Snow-white must still be living_ ," Ruby narrated.

"Seriously why the fuck would anyone be surprised. IT WAS LACE! OF COURSE IT DIDN'T KILL HER!" Regina yelled.

"JUST READ YOUR DAMN LINES!" Cora yelled from her seat.

"She has a point Captain," Hook commented.

"No shit Sherlock. I know that, but this is art," Cora huffed.

"But now," said Regina, "I will think of something that will be her ruin." Regina began to use her witchcraft to create a poisoned comb. "Seriously, a fucking poisoned comb?"

Regina rolled her eyes before magicking herself into a different old hag and disappearing in a puff of smoke while the scene changed. She reappeared and knocked on Snow's door once more.

"Oh look, a totally different old hag. This one must be safe!" Snow said allowed to no one.

"Good wares!" Regina called out.

"Go away, I must not let anybody in."

"But you are not forbidden to look," Regina teased as she held up the comb.

"PRETTY!" Snow yelled before flinging the door open for Regina.

"Now, for once, your hair shall be properly combed," Regina said as she ran the comb through Snow's hair.

Snow dramatically gagged and then fell on the floor.

"Now, you paragon of beauty, this is the end of you," Regina said her line before huffing, "oh please, it takes more than a poisoned comb to kill this bitch." Regina poofed off stage while the dwarves reappeared and made a fuss over Snow again.

The dwarves removed the comb and Snow sprang to her feet.

"GODDAMNIT SNOW WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT STRANGERS!" Leroy yelled at the woman before tossing the comb off stage and dispersing.

The scene shifted again back to Regina's castle and she walked to the mirror again.

"God this is so repetitive," Regina groaned before clearing her throat. "Looking-glass against the wall, who is fairest of us all?"

Sidney took a breath, as Regina eyed the script, and was about to begin when she cut him off.

"You know what, we get it, the bitch isn't dead. Shoo!" Regina shooed Sidney off stage before she magicked herself into a different old hag and poofed off stage.

The scene changed back to the cottage and Regina reappeared, carrying a basket with apples in it. She held up the one apple that was half red and half white.

"Now this is somewhat accurate," Regina commented as she knocked on the door.

"GO AWAY!" Snow yelled.

"Fine I will give my apples to the hungry peasants that need them," Regina muttered, anxious to get off of the stage.

"APPLES!?" Snow yelled before flinging the door open. "Wait… no I better not."

"Are you afraid of poison? Look here, I will cut the apple in two pieces; you shall have the red side, I will have the white one," Regina explained as she carried out the task while eyeing her script.

Snow took the piece offered to her and placed it in her mouth then dropped to the ground, once again, overdramatically.

"Seriously, Snow is the type of person who would take candy from a stranger," Cora said, loud enough for the audience to hear and giggle at.

"No but for real," Emma agreed.

"As white as snow, as red as blood, as black as ebony! This time the dwarfs will not be able to bring you to life again," Regina read aloud before cackling and disappearing off stage. The scene shifted back to her castle and she addressed her mirror, "Looking-glass against the wall, who is fairest of us all?"

Sidney looked at his script, "You are the fairest now of all."

" _Then her envious heart had peace, as much as an envious heart can have,_ " Ruby narrated.

"Ugh this makes me seem so shallow," Regina muttered before walking off of the stage.

Again the scene shifted, back to the dwarves and Snow's dramatic display of death.

"We cannot hide her away in the black ground," one dwarf said as he gestured to Snow.

"Yeah, she is so beautiful!" Another chimed in as they looked to Snow, who had her tongue hanging out of her mouth and a disgusting expression on her face.

"Yeah, she's a real hottie," Leroy commented with an eye roll.

"Let's put her in a glass coffin!"

A glass coffin appeared on stage and the dwarves hoisted her into it, letting her rest.

" _Then they set the coffin out upon the mountain, and one of them always remained by it to watch. And the birds came too, and mourned for Snowwhite, first an owl, then a raven, and lastly, a dove. Now, for a long while Snow-white lay in the coffin and never changed, but looked as if she were asleep, for she was still as white as snow, as red as blood, and her hair was as black as ebony_."

Charming appeared on the scene then, looking like the Prince he was as he swept towards the coffin.

"Ugh, daaaaaaaaad," Emma whined from the audience as she watched her father with embarrassment.

"Let me have the coffin, and I will give you whatever you like to ask for it," Charming read from his script, throwing his hand out to the coffin dramatically.

"No," Leroy said.

"I beseech you to give it me, for I cannot live without looking upon Snow white; if you consent I will bring you to great honor, and care for you as if you were my brethren- woooaaahhh that's a little soon." Charming rose his eyebrows at the script. "You mean I just happened upon her and wanted her? That's very creepy and possessive and I don't like it."

"READ THE DAMN LINES CHARMING!" Cora yelled.

"Fine, take her," Leroy said.

A few guards appeared on the stage and picked the coffin up and began to walk in place.

" _Now it happened that as they were going along they stumbled over a bush, and with the shaking the bit of poisoned apple flew out of her throat. It was not long before she opened her eyes, threw up the cover of the coffin, and sat up, alive and well_."

Snow sat up, her eyes wide as she looked around her. "Oh dear! Where am I?"

Charming cleared his throat before taking a wide stance and holding out his arm in gesture. "You are near me, I would rather have you than anything in the world; come with me to my father's castle and you shall be my bride."

"That's a little sudden, I don't even know him yet!" Snow yelled. "THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN LIKE THIS!"

"YEAH WHERE IS TRUE LOVES KISS!?" Someone in the audience yelled.

"PIPE DOWN I DIDN'T WRITE THIS STUFF!" Cora yelled back as she threw another shoe.

"Where is she getting the shoes?" Hook asked Emma in a whisper. Emma merely shrugged.

" _Snow-white was kind, and went with him, and their wedding was held with pomp and great splendor. But Snow-white's wicked step-mother was also bidden to the feast, and when she had dressed herself in beautiful clothes she went to her looking-glass and said…_ "

The scene shifted again, back to Regina's castle and she sighed in annoyance before looking to Sidney.

"For the last time, WHO IS THE FAIREST ONE IN ALL THE DAMN LANDS!?" Regina yelled as she grabbed the man.

Sidney gave a high-pitched scream as he struggle. "IT'S SNOW WHITE SHE'S STILL ALLIIVEEEEEEE!"

Regina threw Sidney from the stage and glared at her mother, clearly ready to be done with the nonsense.

Regina poofed herself from the stage as the scene changed once more to that of Snow and Charming's wedding.

Regina strutted back on stage, in all her Evil Queen glory.

"Sorry I'm late," Regina said, her voice dark and sultry.

Emma shivered in her seat, her eyes darkening as they roamed over her wife.

Regina turned and smirked at Emma.

"THAT ISN'T THE LINE REGINA!" Cora yelled.

"UGH MOTHER!"

"THIS IS THE THEATRE AND I WON'T HAVE YOU AND YOUR WIFE MAKING EYES AT EACH OTHER IN THE MIDDLE OF A PERFORMANCE YOU KINY BITCHES NOW GET TO THE LINES! RUBY!"

Ruby was startled in the back but cleared her throat and read, " _and she stood with rage and fear, and could not stir. But iron slippers had already been put upon the fire, and they were brought in with tongs, and set before her_."

"Are you fucking kidding me!" Regina growled as she stepped into the fake hot iron slippers.

" _Then she was forced to put on the red-hot shoes, and dance until_ …" Ruby trailed off nervously.

"Until?" Regina growled out as she looked to the back of the room at Ruby.

"Um…" Ruby directed her words to Cora, "baby I don't wanna tell her."

"Tell her Ruby." Cora looked to Emma. "Be prepared to calm your wife down."

Emma's eyes widened.

"Until… _she dropped down dead_."

"WHAT!?" Regina yelled menacingly. Her teeth were barred as she walked off of the stage.

"Time to go baby!" Emma yelled as she grabbed her wife and steered her in a different direction.

"Well this was fun," Cora said happily as she looked to her grandson.

"I don't think you should do anymore plays Nana," Henry said with a smirk.

"I just enjoy toying with your mother, dear."

* * *

**A/N: Don't forget to review!**


	42. Maybe Someday

**Hey guys, first and foremost I apologize for the lengthy weight for an update. My parents went through a divorce and school was hellish and then I was visiting my girlfriend in Brazil and it was all a jumble.**

**Now, about this chapter, I hope you enjoy it. This chapter IS A CROSSOVER CHAPTER. It will feature Lexa and Clarke from the 100 in it. For those of you who don't watch the 100, you will probably not enjoy this chapter or understand but feel free to read anyways.**

**For those of you that do watch the 100… I wanted to do this to pay tribute to Lexa. I'm still very angry and also in denial about it all and Cora is my spirit animal sharing that sentiment.**

**So please, read and review. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I hope I will be able to update again very soon.**

* * *

Regina and Emma walked down the street, holding hands as they headed towards Cora's apartment. They were supposed to go out for lunch with the older woman to Granny's today. Things had been pretty calm in Storybrooke for the past few months. This was mainly due to the fact that Cora had been behaving herself and keeping her shenanigans to a minimum.

"I think Ursula and Cruella really have taken to Lily," Emma commented as they walked, her fingers lacing together with her wife's.

"It would seem so, dear." Regina smiled at her wife, playfully nudging her shoulder against Emma's and making the blonde giggle.

Yeah things had been running pretty smooth-

Suddenly a cry echoed down the street. Regina and Emma froze in their spots, their eyes darting to each other and looking about in panic.

"Was that-" Regina began.

"Your mother," Emma finished. They took off at a fast run, rushing down the street as a magic tornado appeared. "Holy shit!" Emma yelled as her and Regina stopped running and watched as the tornado began destroying nearby buildings.

"Mother!" Regina yelled out, panic lacing her voice as she and Emma resumed rushing towards the apartment.

"CORA!" Hook yelled out, running from the opposite direction. He spotted the two women and ran to meet them. "I heard the captain scream and came running. I've never heard her yell like that."

"Me either," Emma and Regina replied in tandem.

The tornado suddenly disappeared in a puff of smoke as Cora sadly exited her apartment building and made her way to the small group.

"Mother are you alright!?" Regina yelled as she rushed to the older woman.

Hook and Emma shared a look after taking in Cora's appearance. Her hair was disheveled and her eyes were red and puffy.

"Captain what happened?" Hook asked sincerely as he wrapped an arm around Cora and gave her a squeeze.

"My-my… she-she… she's dead," Cora spluttered out.

"Ruby?" All three asked in tandem, their voices conveying their shock.

"No," Cora said seriously, looking at the group like they were insane. "Have you lost your damn minds, no Ruby isn't fucking dead she's working."

"Hey easy we are just concerned," Emma defended.

"Who died, mother?" Regina asked seriously.

"L-le-lexa," Cora spluttered out before bursting into another fit of tears.

"Oh no," Regina muttered.

"Who?" Emma asked seriously.

"I'm sorry Captain," Hook said sincerely.

"She-she's gone and- and she didn't deserve to go the way she did." Cora sniffled.

"I'm sorry but who?" Emma asked again.

"I thought that she would be safe but I was wrong. The lesbian always dies," Cora said sadly.

"Aye, how did it happen?" Hook asked.

"Hellooo?" Emma tried again.

"She got shot by a fucking bullet not meant for her," Cora replied, her sadness dissipating a little.

"That is just terribly overdone," Regina replied. "I am sorry that it happened."

"Thanks," Cora mumbled.

"Seriously who the fuck are you talking about?" Emma asked again, finally drawing the others attention.

"Lexa, Commander of the thirteen clans, Commander of candles, Heda," Cora replied. "She's from the TV show the 100."

"I was going to start watching it."

"Don't, it was a huge fucking disappointment," Cora replied.

"I know," Hook added.

"I mean, I would expect this shit from ABC but not the CW," Cora said as she pulled a tissue out of thin air and blew her nose.

"Come on Cora let's go to Granny's and get some hot chocolate, maybe that will make you feel better," Emma suggested with a soft smile as the older woman sniffled and hiccupped. Cora nodded in agreement and the four of them headed towards Granny's.

They reached the door and Hook stopped the group.

"Swan, why don't you and the Mrs. go grab us a table, I want to have a word with the Captain about some ship matters," Hook said.

"Hook, we are the ship, you can't discuss it in front of us?" Regina asked with a raised eyebrow.

"It's sensitive information Your Highness," Hook replied seriously.

Emma and Regina shared a look before nodding and heading inside, allowing the two to come up with whatever crazy scheme they wanted.

"Okay, Captain I have an idea," Hook began.

"Hook I don't feel very shippy at the moment," Cora said seriously.

"It's about Clexa," Hook said with a glint in his eye.

Cora's eyebrows rose at that.

"You ship it?"

"Heavily," Hook replied seriously.

"Continue."

"You remember how you used Jefferson's hat to time travel to an alternate universe and bring that universes Regina and Emma here to ours?"

"Yes."

"What if you could do the same thing but travel to this other dimension."

"Hook that isn't possible, it's a TV show," Cora scoffed.

"Love, this is a fucking TV show."

Cora eyed him a moment. "Well played sir. I like the way you think."

"So you are willing to try?" Hook asked with a mischievous glint.

"Hell fucking yeah, I'll go and speak with Jefferson. You gather the supplies," Cora said excitedly before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

"I'm a genius," Hook said with a grin before running off to follow his Captain's orders.

"Where the fuck are they going?" Emma asked, her face pressed against the window as she watched Cora disappear and Hook skip off down the street.

Regina sighed. "I honestly do not know why you are surprised. Whenever those two get together they nearly create an apocalypse."

"They aren't _that_ bad baby," Emma said pointedly as she sat back down in her seat and looked to her wife.

"Just last month Cora brought a man eating slug to the mansion as a pet because Hook found it and couldn't find a home for it," Regina said with a raised eyebrow.

"You leave Jerry out of this!"

"He ate five people Emma!"

"HE CAN'T HELP IT IT'S WHO HE IS!"

"You're beginning to sound like your mother."

"Shhh she will hear you," Emma said, her eyes wide.

* * *

Cora arrived in front of Jefferson's mansion and headed up the stairs. She knocked on the front door and waited for him to open up.

"Cora, what a surprise," Jefferson said, his eyebrows raised. "Whatever you're here for I want no part in it."

"Listen, Jeffy, Jeff, J-man… I need a favor."

"Whenever you need a favor Cora I seem to end up in a mess."

"That isn't true."

"Last month you wanted a hat to travel to the enchanted forest, I went with you and got shot in the ass with an arrow!"

"It isn't my fault we landed in Merida's territory."

"You wanted to find a home for Jerry."

"WE FOUND HIM HIS FOREVER HOME!"

"MERIDA SHOT ME IN THE ASS AS WE RAN AWAY BECAUSE IT ATE ONE OF HER BROTHERS!"

"Dead people come back to life Jefferson, you know this, unless they are someone that Regina loved deeply," Cora said dismissively. "Look, I'm here because I need a hat that will transport me into a different universe."

"Different universe?" Jefferson asked confused. "What're you talking about?"

"I need to arrive in the 100 universe."

"I can give you the hat but I will not be going. I will DEFINITELY get shot in the ass there," Jefferson said as he waved Cora inside. He led her up the stairs to hit hat room and began sifting through boxes.

"Maybe you wouldn't get shot in the ass if you would stay and fight instead of screaming like a 5 year old girl," Cora replied seriously as Jefferson pulled out a box.

"Ha ha. Look, this hat will take you to the universe. BUT, you have to follow the same rule-"

"Yeah yeah, I have can't bring more people back than what I left with. I got it," Cora said. "I already know who will be going."

"Blue?"

"Fuckin right, bitch threw a salt bomb at Jerry. He was sick for a week," Cora replied seriously as she took the hat.

"Cora, this hat will put you in their universe and it will time travel you, BUT I'm not sure how close of a call it will be."

"Thank you for your contribution Jefferson."

With that, she disappeared.

* * *

"Are you ready?" Cora asked Hook as they stared down at the hat.

"Aye, Captain." Hook glanced back at the two duck taped bodies. "You realize that eventually Blue won't make it back and you will have to find someone else to dump off."

"Rachel will be fine. She's shady as fuck and resourceful, she always comes back," Cora said. "Isn't that right?" She kicked Blue's form, watching as the body wiggled. "See?"

"Alright then Captain, let's do this," Hook said as Cora bent down and spun the hat. The portal opened in a whirl of purple magic.

"Toss 'em in!" Cora yelled as she grabbed Rachel's body and tossed her into the portal, the other citizen following shortly after.

"Ladies first!" Hook yelled. Cora nodded to him before leaping into the portal. Hook took a deep breath and jumped in after her, both of them falling through the portal and into another world.

* * *

They landed in a swirl of magic, hitting the ground hard and with load groans.

"Goddamn do I hate that," Cora groaned out as she stood up and put the hat in her bag.

"I never seem to get used to it," Hook replied as he joined his captain.

They suddenly realized where they were.

"Polis," Cora muttered as they noticed all of the grounders that had formed a circle around them. "We need to get moving."

"How?" Hook chuckled nervously.

"On three… one… two… three FUCKING RUN FOR THE TOWER!" Cora screamed before hauling ass.

"What about these two!?" Hook yelled gesturing to the two bodies.

"FUCKING LEAVE THEM AND RUN YOU PIRATE!" Cora screamed as she ran faster, thankful that Hook was behind her.

She really would hate to be Rachel Tice right now. She ignored it though as she ran for the tower, she flicked her hand, hoping she would have some magic. A puff of flame appeared in her palm and she threw a fireball to distract any following grounders.

Her and Hook managed to make it inside the tower and rounded a corner. They stopped and attempted to catch their breaths.

"Grounders run fast," Hook panted.

"Not as fast as us though," Cora replied with a wink before adjusting her bag. "We need to get to the very top of the tower."

"Do you have enough magic to poof us?" Hook asked seriously.

Cora thought for a moment, allowing the magic to flow through her. "I do, but we need to get closer to the top. I don't know if we would make it from here."

Hook nodded before checking around the corner and making sure the coast was clear. "We're good love."

"We need to move fast before they sound any alarms." Cora ran off down the hallway, her eyes spying an EXIT sign that was hanging by a thread. "There are stairs here!"

"So glad I've been doing Zumba," Hook muttered as he and Cora began to run up the stairs, taking two at a time. Two flights down.

"I…am…never…eating…again," Cora panted as she kept running. "God I wish I worked out more."

"You think Lexa takes the stairs?" Hook asked as they continued their climb. Six flights down.

"Probably," Cora replied panting. "I heard that—Lexa has a eight pack…That…Lexa—is shredded," Cora panted out. Seven flights down.

"She has to be with all these bloody stairs!" Hook yelled after Cora before falling. "I can't go on Captain!" Eight flights down.

"Yes you fucking can!" Cora yelled as she began dragging him up a few more stairs. "I think I can poof us." Nine flights down.

She held tight to Hook as her magic encompassed them. They reappeared a moment later at the very top of the tower. Thankfully, no guards were nearby.

"We made it!" Cora said excitedly as Hook offered her a week high five. "Oh jesus man get your shit together."

"What?"

"Your eyeliner is all smeared. You're sweating like a pig. Who the fuck walks around in leather all day!" Cora scolded.

Hook was about to reply when they heard a gunshot ring out.

"RUN RUN RUN RUN!" Cora yelled frantically as they hauled ass down the hallway towards the sound. "HEDAAAAAA!"

Hook ran after Cora, just as frantic. "Go! I'll keep an eye for any guards!"

Cora nodded and kept running, she saw the open doorway up ahead and caught a glimpse of Clarke dodging a bullet. Lexa appeared then, rushing quickly to get to the door.

"HEDA NO!" Cora yelled as she reached the brunette and pushed her to the ground as she dove into the room and right at Titus. "NOT TODAY BALDY!"

Cora tackled Titus to the ground, pinning him to the floor as she reached for a nearby candle. She smacked him in the head as hard as possible and knocked him unconscious, her breathing heavy and labored as she stood and turned to look at the two women.

"Thank god you're a shareholder for Yankee Candle, I don't know what else I could've used to knock him out with," Cora panted as she looked around the room completely surrounded with candles. "You didn't get shot right?" Cora asked Lexa, her eyes scanning the woman's body.

"I do not know who you are, but you saved Clarke," Lexa said, her eyes wearily looking to Cora and then at Titus. "Thank you."

"Yeah and I'm about to save both your asses big time so drink this." Cora pulled out two cups of tea and handed them to Clarke and Lexa.

"I am Heda, you do-"

"Bitch I love you but shut up and drink the damn tea so I can save your asses from this shitty place." Cora said seriously before looking to the ceiling. "You HEAR THAT JRAT I'M TALKING TO YOU. AIN'T NOBODY GOING TO DIE TODAY MOTHERFUCKER. AIN'T NOBODY GOING TO THE CITY OF SHIT. THESE BABIES ARE COMING WITH ME!"

"Who is she yelling at?" Clarke asked Lexa seriously.

Lexa merely shrugged and began to drink her tea, Clarke following her lead. Both woman began to wobble on their feet.

"Hook! Get in here, they drank the tea!" Cora yelled as the pirate came into the room. He caught Lexa as she passed out and Cora rushed to catch Clarke.

"Drop the hat, I believe the guards are coming love," Hook said as he eased Lexa onto the floor and then rushed to the door to bolt it shut. "Who were you yelling at?"

"The head writer," Cora grumbled. "Fucking SOGGY ASS CUCUMBER DILDO OF SCUM!" Cora yelled at the ceiling again as she dropped the hat and gave it a spin. "And I thought the two idiots were shit."

"Agreed love." Hook gestured to the two women. "I'll grab Clarke, you grab Lexa," Hook said as he easily lifted Clarke and jumped through the portal.

Cora picked up Lexa. "Sleepy Heda." Cora leapt into the air, her body hitting the portal and getting sucked in. "TOODA-FUCKING-LOO JTITS!"

* * *

When Lexa awoke, she awoke to two brown eyes staring intently at her. She jumped slightly in surprise before looking around at her surroundings. The buildings were different from that of Polis, as they were still intact and in excellent shape.

"Hi," Cora said happily. "You hungry?"

Lexa eyed her. "Where am I and where is-"

"Hey sleepyhead," Clarke greeted with a small smile from the doorway. "I'm fine."

"Clarke," Lexa breathed out as she stood from the bed. She made her way to the blonde and enveloped her in a hug.

"My ship," Cora whispered happily to herself as she watched the scene. "Ahh ya damn did good Cora."

"Mother are you here-" Regina began to ask but stopped dead when she saw her mother sitting on the bed with a shit eating grin, and two women spring apart from hugging. "Lexa… and Clarke… from the 100? Mother what did you DO?"

"He didn't deserve them Regina!"

"Mother you can't just go to another universe and steal people!" Regina yelled.

"But Reginnaaaaaa he was mean to them!" Cora defended. "Lexa fucking got shot and died and Clarke was never going to be happy! They were gonna end up in the City of Shit with that crazy ass Jehovah witness man and the cyborg lady!"

"What?" Lexa and Clarke asked in unison.

"Oh good you're awake, I made grilled cheese sandwiches," Hook said happily as he brought a tray of food in. "Oh." He stopped when he saw Regina's pissed off expression. "I will just leave these here… TOODLES!"

"Pansy," Cora mumbled under her breath.

"Could someone explain what is going on?" Clarke asked seriously, her hand coming down to clasp Lexa's.

"Of course, dear," Regina said. "Mother, would you please go and check on Lily while I take a few moments to talk to these two?"

"But Reginnaaaaaaaaa."

"Now, mother!" Regina pointed to the door. All three women watched as Cora skulked from the room.

"This place is strange," Lexa whispered to Clarke.

"I am so sorry about her," Regina began, "my mother has a horrible habit of getting involved where she shouldn't. We are from a separate reality than you two, a reality where magic is very real. That's how my mother was able to get to you two."

"We need to get back though," Lexa said. "Our people are there."

Regina nodded.

"Are you sure you want to?" Clarke asked Lexa. "This could be our chance to owe nothing more to them."

They stared at each other a moment before it was interrupted.

"Baby why is Cora downstairs crying?" Emma asked as she entered the room, stopping when she noticed the two other women. "He-hello?"

"My mother went to a different universe and brought them back," Regina explained, gesturing to Lexa and Clarke.

"Ah. Lemme guess, you yelled at her," Emma said pointedly.

"I didn't yell."

"She did," Clarke chimed in.

"No one asked you," Regina replied with a raised eyebrow before looking back to her wife. "She kidnapped them like she kidnapped our alternate selves, Emma!"

"She just wants them to be happy! Just like she wanted our alternate selves to be happy!" Emma defended.

Lexa looked to Clarke. "These two are married?"

"Apparently," Clarke replied with a small smile as she looked to Lexa. "You almost died today. If that woman hadn't appeared and saved you, you would be dead."

"But I am not, Clarke," Lexa replied seriously. "I am here with you."

Clarke touched her forehead to Lexa's, basking in the moment and oblivious to everything else that was happening around them.

"A little higher!" Cora called as Hook adjusted the ladder so she could peer in the window. "Awwww they're forehead touching!" Cora squealed happily as she took in the scene.

"What about Regina and Emma?" Hook called up.

"They're fucking bickering. I swear they are exhausting." Cora rolled her eyes. "HEY KINKY BITCH ONE AND TWO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME ENJOY THIS MOMENT!"

Lexa and Clarke turned to look at Cora whose eyes were wide. Regina's nose crinkled in a snarl and a fireball appeared in her hand.

"Let me down let me down let me down!" Cora yelled as the window flung open and a fireball was hurled at her. Cora jumped off of the ladder and landed on top of Hook with a thud, her hair smoldering some from where the fireball singed it.

"Maybe it wouldn't hurt to stay for just a few days and see what this world is like?" Clarke asked tentatively, attempting not to chuckle.

Lexa was eyeing the scene with amusement as Regina kicked her heels off and perched on the window. A split second later she dove at Cora and Hook, landing on top of them.

Cora and Hook screamed as they pushed her off and began running around the yard, attempting to avoid Regina's fireballs.

"Perhaps it would not hurt," Lexa replied with a smile. "After all, life is about more than just surviving."

Clarke returned the smile and laced their fingers together.

Emma watched the scene with a teary smile. She sniffled a little and wiped her eyes.

"Ah fuck I ship it."

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Don't forget to review.**

**A few parting words… Fuck you Jason Rothenberg, you soggy cucumber dildo.**


	43. Candlekru

   
  
**Hey guys, it's your lucky week. TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE WEEK OMG!**

**Luckily for you all, I had some bursts of inspiration. Mainly a mighty need to write Clexa and feel the gaping hole in my soul.**

**Also, for those of you who are fans of The Apartment, it was just updated.**

**Don't forget to review!**

* * *

"So allow me to give you two the grand tour and explain some things about this town," Cora said as she led Lexa and Clarke down Main Street. "Regina and Emma have been married for a few years and have two kids, Lily, who you met, and Henry, no idea where the fuck he is. I am the Captain of the Swan Queen Armada-"

"What is an Armada?" Lexa asked, genuinely curious as she and Clarke took in the sight of the town.

"It's a fleet of warships."

"You have war here?" Lexa asked surprised.

"Not the kinda war you guys have. Ours is mainly for fun and something to do. The town is small so we make our own entertainment. But, basically we are all from this other realm called the Enchanted Forest and Regina cast this curse on the realm and it sent everyone in that realm here to this town, which the curse created."

"So you are not originally from here?" Lexa asked perplexed.

"Nah. BUT, I have Jefferson's magical realm hats so I make use of my time. But anyways, I'm the Captain of their ship and I am now dubbing myself Captain of yours," Cora said proudly. "That means I am going to do everything in my power to make sure you guys are safe and happy."

"Thanks Cora," Clarke said seriously.

"I am grate-" Lexa began but stopped suddenly. Quickly, she ran at the nearest store and pressed her face to the glass, her eyes wide with delight as she took in the scene.

"Ah shit," Cora muttered.

"Lexa, honey, no, get away from the glass," Clarke urged.

"LOOK AT ALL THESE MOTHERFUCKIN CANDLES!" Lexa yelled excitedly.

Clarke looked surprised at Lexa's language but could understand it. Cora had a heck of a potty mouth and it appeared it was beginning to rub off on Lexa.

"Should've foreseen this," Cora muttered as she walked to the store and opened the door. "In you go Heda. Smell away."

Lexa rushed through the door and into the Yankee Candle shop, immediately taking in all the scents.

"Hey Martha," Cora greeted, "could you take care of my friend here? If she wants anything just put it on Regina's tab."

Cora shut the door behind her before tugging Clarke down the street.

"You're going to leave her in there?" Clarke asked.

"Wanheda, she's going to be in there awhile. Yankee has like a hundred scents," Cora explained as she continued giving Clarke the tour. "This here is Granny's. You hungry?"

"Yeah a little," Clarke replied as Cora led her inside. Everyone in the diner stopped what they were doing when they saw Clarke enter.

"Wanheda," someone said with respect as they stood from their seat and bowed. Others began to follow suit, and before long the whole diner was bowing.

"Um," Clarke began, unsure of what to say.

"You and Lexa are a bigger deal in our world than you or anyone else realizes." Cora smiled before looking to the ceiling. "YOU HEAR THAT JTITTY, THEY ARE A BIG DEAL AND PEOPLE LOVE THEM YOU STUPID EGGPLANT!"

"Shh Cora," Clarke soothed.

"I'm so angry man," Cora grumbled before leading Clarke to a nearby booth where Hook resided.

"Well if it isn't my two favorite ladies," Hook greeted before confusion took hold. "Where is Heda?"

"Currently huffing the shit out of some candles. We walked by Yankee."

"You can pick her up on your way home," Hook replied unworriedly.

"Hey babe," Ruby greeted Cora as she arrived at the groups table. She quickly planted a kiss on her head. "So you guys need menus?"

"This one does," Cora pointed to Clarke who looked completely out of her element.

"No problem. Let me know when you're ready," Ruby said as she handed Clarke a menu.

* * *

_Meanwhile at Yankee…_

"Oh yeah that's the stuff," Lexa sighed as she huffed Bahama Breeze. She shuddered with delight, as she lay sprawled out on the floor, candle jars with no tops scattered around her body.

"You want a Bahama Breeze?" Martha asked with annoyance from behind the counter.

"Give me ten," Lexa said seriously before reaching backwards and grabbing another candle off of the shelf. She ripped the top off of the candle and took a deep huff, choking in disgust a minute later before slamming the top back on and placing it back on the shelf.

"No go?"

"Pinkberry Mint. That's awful. Hand me that Sunset Orange."

* * *

"Your food is delicious," Clarke said seriously as they walked back up the street.

"Aye, indeed it is love," Hook replied as they strolled. "I hope Heda had an eventful few hours."

"I'm sure she's passed out in Yankee from all the scents. Sleepy Heda," Cora said whimsically as they reached the shop. Cora opened the door and the trio stepped inside, freezing when they took in the state of the shop.

Martha was currently picking up numerous candle jar tops and Lexa was nowhere in sight.

"He-hey there Martha… whatcha doin?" Cora asked with raised eyebrows. "Where's Lexa?"

"She left about ten minutes ago. She cleaned me out."

Hook nudged Cora and Clarke, and both women finally took in the state of the shelves. Every single candle in the shop was gone except for a shelf of Pinkberry Mint.

"Well at least we know what candle scent to _never_ buy her," Cora mumbled. "Come on we gotta find her! Regina is going to kill me!"

The trio rushed from the shop and up the street, scanning for Lexa as they rounded the corner onto Mifflin.

"There!" Hook yelled as he spotted Lexa up ahead.

She was currently struggling to pull a large cart, completely filled with candles, up the street.

"Lexa!" Clarke yelled as she ran towards her woman. Lexa paused and turned to look at the oncoming trio.

"Heyguyswhatchadoingwhatsgoingon?" Lexa rushed out, her eye twitching.

"See she's high on candle scents. I told you she had a problem!" Hook looked to Cora incredulously.

"I didn't realize it was THAT bad!" Cora yelled at Hook as she took in Lexa's twitching state.

"Hey hey, it's okay we are going to get you and the candles home," Clarke soothed.

"My candles. My candlekru," Lexa said seriously before giggling. "I am Lexa, Heda kom candlekru. Commander candles." She giggled some more as Clarke managed to pull her away from the cart and lead her towards the house.

Cora waved her hand and magicked the cart of candles to the front lawn of the mansion. "Keep an eye on them, I have some business to attend to."

"Aye aye captain," Hook said as he rushed after Clark and Lexa. "It would be best if you kept her away from the candles for a few hours, at least until it's out of her system," Hook said to Clarke as he held the door open for them.

"Clarke don't take away my candles," Lexa said sadly as Clarke led her up the stairs and to their room.

"No one is going to take them away," Clarke soothed as they reached the room and Clarke sat Lexa down on the bed. "Now, why don't you get into those cozy pajamas Cora gave you and get cozy. I'll be right back."

Clarke carefully shut the door behind her and looked to Hook. "We need to hide the candles from her."

"You just told her-"

"She cleaned out an entire shop Hook!" Clarke pointed out. "The only shelf untouched was that Pinkberry Mint, out of dozens of scents!"

"I see your point. But, you can't just expect her to go cold turkey. The woman was living in a giant fucking candle for Poseidon's sake. "

"Yeah I never really thought of that…"

Suddenly the door to the room opened and Lexa padded out. Her hair cascaded over top of the fluffy green pajamas Cora gave her. Clarke and Lexa both thought the pajamas looked ridiculous, but also were pleased with how amazingly soft they were.

Clarke bit her lip in an attempt to stifle her giggle. "I can't get over how adorable you look."

"Thank you Clarke," Lexa said as she straightened her posture and walked authoritatively by them.

"Ahhh where do you think you're going?" Clarke asked seriously, causing the Commander to halt in her tracks.

"I am just going downstairs to grab a few of my purchases," Lexa said seriously.

"Oh no you aren't."

"Clarke I am the Comma-"

"I don't care if you promised to give me fifteen orgasms later, you are NOT getting any of those candles right now!"

Lexa eyed her a moment, her green eyes harshly staring into blue. "What if I promised fifteen orgasms and the thing you call 'spooning'?"

Clarke rolled her eyes. "No Lexa. You need to cut back on the candles."

Lexa's bottom lip began to quiver and her shoulders sagged.

"Oh no, now look what you bloody did. Cora is going to kill me for allowing you to make her cry. Haven't the lesbians suffered enough?!" Hook yelled at Clarke as his hook gestured wildly at Lexa.

"I- wa-want my candlessss!" Lexa sobbed out.

"Oh no shhhhhh shhhh Lexa it's okay," Clarke soothed as she reached her woman and held her.

Lexa sniffled as she returned the embrace before meeting Hook's eyes. She moved her eyes to the right, gesturing towards the stairs.

Hook's eyebrows rose as Lexa mouthed 'get the sunset orange.'

The pirate nodded and carefully rushed down the stairs while Lexa continued to fake sniffle into her girlfriend's hair.

Hook grabbed a jar of sunset orange and quickly dashed back up the stairs, carefully maneuvering around Lexa and into the room where he sat it on the bed. Lexa was still sniffling and holding tightly to Clarke when he emerged from the room.

"Okay thanks I feel better!" Lexa said quickly before rushing into the room and shutting the door behind her, leaving a perplexed Clarke in her wake.

"Wha-"

* * *

"So this is Storybrooke," Cora said with a smile as she gestured to the town. They walked down Main Street, heading towards Mifflin and the mansion.

"This place is so…"

"Clean," Octavia finished for Raven.

"Regina and Emma's house is this way," Cora said happily as she practically bounced up the street.

"Mother?" Regina called suddenly. She had just finished work as was standing next to her car getting ready to leave when she saw her mother and two women she didn't know walking with her.

"SHIT IT'S THE COPS!" Cora yelped as she magicked Octavia and Raven straight to the house. She figured Hook would know what to do.

Regina's eyes narrowed. "Did you just poof Raven Reyes and Octavia Blake to my house?"

"I can neither confirm nor deny that," Cora said with a nervous chuckle as Regina narrowed in on her.

"MOTHER WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!?"

"But Reginnnaaaaaaaa," Cora whined. "Raven has been treated like shit by JRottentesticle! Her leg is still fucked up and he was going to send her to the City of Shit!"

"Mother," Regina warned.

"Storybrooke is like the REAL City of Light! No pain here only happiness! Because my beautiful daughter is so kind and understanding and loyal and knows how much this would break her dear mother's heart if she would be like JWorthless and took it away," Cora finished speaking with the biggest puppy eyes and pout Regina had ever witnessed.

Regina eyed her mother a moment. "Fine. But NO more."

"Just one?" Cora asked while she batted her eyes.

"Mother!"

"I NEED TO SAVE LINCOLN TOO REGINA JESUS WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME LIVE!?" Cora yelled before stomping off down the street and bumping into Emma.

"Woah, easy tiger. What's wrong?" Emma asked sincerely as she glanced between Regina and Cora.

"Your wife is a soggy cucumber who refuses to allow me to keep bringing people back from the 100."

"Cora," Emma scolded. "You can't just keep bringing those people here. Look I love Lexa and Clarke already, but you took them from their home."

"BUT THEY WERE BEING MISTREATED!" Cora sobbed.

"I know I know," Emma hugged her tight. "I binged watched the entire show the last two days and I will help you save them all but don't act like I said anything I don't want Regina to get mad. I'll distract her," Emma whispered quickly.

They pulled apart and Cora had a huge grin on her face as she magicked herself to the mansion.

"I feel awful for yelling at her. I swear sometimes I believe I am HER mother," Regina said as her wife approached her.

"I think we have a lot of kids and Cora is one of them," Emma replied with a chuckle as she reached her wife. She leaned in and gave the brunette and sweet kiss. "How was work?"

"The usual. Irritating fairytale citizens. Although, I did receive many calls saying that they were happy that Lexa and Clarke were here. It appears my mother was telling everyone it was MY idea."

"Well if they're happy about it then I see no reason to complain," Emma replied with a smirk before kissing her wife again. "I need to head to the station and get my stuff and then I'll be home."

Regina sighed. "You know I was really looking forward to having sex in the living room at a point but it appears that will not be happening anytime soon."

"Oh no, her Highness has to receive her orgasms in the bedroom," Emma teased as an amused smirk played on Regina's lips.

"I know, how positively dreadful." Regina kissed her wife again. "I know a way to make up for it though."

* * *

_Meanwhile at the mansion…_

"LEXA I CAN SMELL THE SUNSET ORANGE BURNING IN THE ROOM LET ME IN!" Clarke yelled from outside of the door.

"NO CLARKE IT IS MY CANDLE AND I SHALL BURN IT IF I WANT TO!" Came the reply.

"Hello, is anyone here?" Hook and Clarke heard a voice call.

"Raven?" They both asked in unison as Raven and Octavia both came up the stairs.

"Raven! Octavia!" Clarke said surprised, but rushed to them both and enveloped them in hugs. "What're you doing here?"

"Well I was at Camp Jaha, minding my own business and debating about taking the City of Light chip that Jaha gave me, when this batshit crazy woman came out of nowhere and smacked it out of my hand, screaming 'no' in the most dramatic way. Then she grabbed my face, looked me in the eye, and said 'ain't no fucking way you are going to shit city, you are coming home with me and you will be safe and happy. Fuck Jdouchenozzle.' And then I drank some tea and I woke up here."

"First of all, what is with you accepting random shit from people?" Octavia asked after Raven finished her story.

"O, what're you doing here?" Clarke asked.

"I was actually in Polis when the crazy woman showed up. She tackled me off of my horse and then forced the tea down my throat. Apparently she knew I wasn't going to come here easily. For as small as that woman is she is freakishly strong."

"That crazy woman is Cora. She's a little out there but she's actually incredibly sweet," Clarke said with a genuine smile. "This is Hook by the way. He's a good friend of Cora's."

"Loves, it is wonderful to meet you in person. Raven, Octavia, you are both amazing," Hook said sincerely.

"Thanks?" Octavia replied, skeptical of everything.

The bedroom door creaked open to reveal a hesitant looking Lexa. Her eyes widened when they landed on Raven and Octavia.

"Skaikru and Octavia," Lexa said in greeting, still not leaving the room. Her eyes flickered hesitantly to Clarke.

"No offense Heda but what the fuck are you wearing?" Octavia asked, horrified at the fuzzy pajamas Lexa had on.

Lexa straightened her posture, appearing every bit the commander. Clarke would have giggled though if she didn't mind sleeping on the couch. She still thought Lexa was super adorable.

"These happen to be incredibly soft and comfortable."

"Also, why is there a huge cart of candles on the front lawn?" Raven asked, suddenly remembering.

"Ask Clarke," Lexa said with venom and a slight pout, causing Clarke to roll her eyes.

"I think she means, 'why the fuck is there a huge cart of candles' not 'why the fuck aren't they in the HOUSE LEXA!'" Clarke yelled as she dove at the door, but Lexa was too quick and shut the door in her face. Clarke yelped in pain as her nose collided with the door.

She whimpered some as she clutched her nose, blinking back tears as Lexa ripped open the door and inspected Clarke's face, gently touching her nose.

"I am sorry," Lexa said sincerely before placing a gentle kiss on Clarke's nose. Then the door was closed and locked once more.

Clarke turned around, her eyes meeting Hook's beaming eyes, and both Raven and Octavia's startled ones.

"What?"

"I mean… I thought something was going on with you two… but Lexa was all super tender there," Octavia said seriously.

"She's actually a sweetheart, come on, I can show you around the house while Lexa hauls up in the room."

"Anyone here?" Cora yelled from downstairs as the group descended the stairs. "Oh good you're all here. Where's Lexa?"

"She is hauled up in her room burning the one lone candle she managed to sneak in somehow," Clarke replied.

"Knew she had a candle obsession," Octavia whispered to Raven.

"Well I saw Regina and she wasn't pleased I brought you here. BUT, that isn't going to stop me from going back and bringing more of you."

"More of us?" Clarke asked surprised. "Cora you can't fit all of us in Regina's house."

"That's another little some some I'm working on, don't worry. I'm planning on going back for Abby, Marcus, Indra, Lincoln-"

"Get Aden!" Everyone heard Lexa call from upstairs before the door shut again.

"I could retrieve Anya too!" Cora yelled back up the stairs. Suddenly, there was a blur of green rushing at Cora and enveloping her in a hug.

"You can do that?" Lexa asked seriously as she pulled back from the hug.

"I can certainly try. I could also try to get Gustus if you want," Cora offered before smiling as Lexa nodded.

"What about Costia?" Clarke asked hesitantly. She desperately wanted to be with Lexa but if the girl had a chance to get Costia back, she wanted to make sure Lexa took it if she wanted.

"Lexa?" Cora asked seriously.

"No," came the immediate reply, startling Clarke. "I made my piece about Costia many moon cycles ago. I want to believe that she is okay and happy wherever she is."

"You're sure?" Clarke asked seriously, drawing Lexa's attention.

"I am sure, Clarke," Lexa said as she moved to the blonde, her hand coming up to stroke a cheek. "Thank you for asking for me though. But it is okay, as I had said, I made my peace with her death a long time ago. Now, you showed me that love is strength and I am happy." Lexa leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Clarke's lips.

"Jesus it's so cute I might actually barf," Raven muttered to Octavia.

"I'm sorry but why am I the only one still focusing on Lexa's fucking fuzzy green pajamas?" Octavia replied as she gestured to them.

"It's so fucking beautiful I think my heart just exploded in my chest." Cora wiped a tear away before steeling herself. "Okay I am off to retrieve the others. Hook, Regina will be home soon and I will need you to cover for me while I am gone. Emma is on our side too, but Regina doesn't know." With that, she disappeared in a swirl of magic.

"Where did Heda go?" Hook asked suddenly as he looked to an annoyed Clarke.

"Back upstairs. She left the sunset orange burning and was 'wasting its deliciousness'." Clarke rolled her eyes.

* * *

_Later in Clarke and Lexa's room…_

"This is called sunset orange. It smells delicious, see?" Lexa said as she held baby Lily and allowed her to smell the candle. Lily giggled in Lexa's arms. "I knew I liked you for a reason, Lily. Your grandmother tells me that you will be captain of the swan queen armada someday."

Lily gurgled in response.

"If Clarke and I are still here, I shall train you to become a great warrior," Lexa said seriously. "Then you will have the strength and skill to defeat your enemies."

"Lexa, who are you talking-" Clarke began to ask as she opened the door. Her eyes widened at the sight, and she would be lying if she said that seeing Lexa holding Lily didn't do funny things to her heart.

"I am discussing Lily's future with her," Lexa said seriously as she walked to Clarke. "Here, hold her."

Clarke tentatively took Lily in her arms, awkwardly holding the baby.

Lexa gave her a soft smile as she watched Clarke struggle to hold Lily, clearly feeling a little uncomfortable.

"We are gentle with the little ones," Lexa said as she took Lily from Clarke's arms, expertly holding her and cooing to the baby.

"How are you so good with them?"

"Children are a blessing in our culture. As Heda, I have trained the nightbloods since they were old enough to begin fighting. I have always been around children," Lexa explained softly as she picked up the sunset orange and allowed Lily to smell it again.

"Oh god you're going to turn her into a candle addict," Clarke groaned. "Regina is going to kill us for sure."

"I believe Cora would be proud," Lexa said pointedly as she continued playing with baby Lily.

* * *

Henry Mills hopped from his friends' car, giving him and his parents a wave goodbye before he turned around to head up the walk. His eyes landed on the large cart of candles, but he merely shrugged. He was used to Cora's antics.

He reached his front door and entered the house, immediately heading back through the foyer and towards the kitchen. He stopped on his way when he heard the voice coming from outside.

Henry curiously approached the back glass door and opened it. His eyes widened when he saw a group of people, in armor, hanging around in his backyard.

"Oh. My. GOD!" Henry exclaimed, excitement lacing his voice as he recognized everyone from the 100.

"Henry! There you are!" Cora yelled from somewhere as she ran towards her grandson. "Where have you been!?"

"I was on a camping trip, does no one pay attention to me?"

"We do Henry we just forget about you sometimes," Cora replied seriously before leading him towards the large group.

"Lexa? Clarke? Indra? Abby? Marcus? Octavia? Raven? Lincoln? Aden? Anya? Gustus?" Henry asked amazed as everyone stared at him. "What are you all doing HERE?"

"Things happened Henry. Jrottenworst killed Lexa," Cora explained.

"Daaaammnnnn media, back at it again with the supremacist heteronormativity and lesbian death trope," Henry breathed out.

Cora looked at him a moment before glancing to Lexa. "I am so proud of him."

Lexa merely gave a small smile. She had changed from her pajamas once everyone else arrived. Octavia and Raven seeing the display was more than enough.

Lexa and Clarke were standing next to Anya and Gustus, talking and reuniting. Clarke had already greeted her mother and Marcus, explaining how this world was better in many ways to their old world. They had reluctantly agreed to remain for a while, just to see. But Clarke could tell that Marcus had already taken a liking to Cora's crazy antics. She glanced around the yard, smiling when she saw Aden and Henry chatting happily with Indra, who looked rather amused. Apparently Henry was a huge fan. Clarke smiled to herself before looking to her lover who was smiling brightly at Anya and Gustus. She was enjoying seeing Lexa so happy; god knows the girl deserved it.

Their calm and peace was interrupted though, by Regina's angry voice.

"MOTHER!" Regina's voice echoed across the yard, but the woman was nowhere to be seen.

"Oh that can't be good," Cora muttered to Hook.

"She sounds like she is down the street," Hook replied.

"That really isn't good then. What do you think she is mad about?"

"Perhaps because you brought back more people?"

"Nah she doesn't know about this last group… Oh wait." Cora looked to Lexa, their eyes locking. "The candle bill."

Lexa looked perplexed. "Candle bill? What is a bill?"

"Payment."

"What is your form of payment?"

"Money."

"So…"

"So those candles cost a lot and you bought the whole shop so Regina is PISSED," Cora explained hurriedly, her knees beginning to shake. "THAT BITCH IS GONNA KILL ME!"

"CORA RUN!" Emma's voice yelled up the street.

Cora let out a shriek befitting a five year old child and began running in circles.

"MOTHER!" Regina yelled again as she appeared, wrenching open the glass doors.

Emma was just behind her, barely walking properly while she panted. "Gotta lay off the bearclaws."

Regina froze in her spot and her eyes widened when she saw the much larger group.

"What. Did. You. DO."

"Now Regina, let's be reasonable."

"You brought back more of them?" Regina seethed. Her eyes landed on Anya and Gustus. "You brought them back? THEY WERE DEAD!"

"Need to start running," Emma muttered to herself as she still struggled to walk.

"I know Regina just calm-"

"DO NOT TELL ME TO FUCKING CALM DOWN!" Regina screamed. "YOU BOUGHT A HUNDRED CANDLES AND THEN YOU BRING BACK ALL OF THESE PEOPLE!"

"In my defense. I did NOT buy the candles, she did." Cora pointed to Lexa.

Regina's steely gaze turned to the small brunette.

"In my defense I do not understand the workings of your world and Cora told Martha to put it on your tab… Also it should not have been so expensive. I had coupons," Lexa said seriously.

Regina merely looked at her. "Did Martha accept the coupons?"

"Yes she did… Although she did not shoot the laser at them like she did the candles."

"I'm turning into EmmaJabba again," Emma said as she took a deep breath and stretched.

"Martha didn't scan your coupons Regina, that's why it was so expensive," Hook said with a sigh. "Never did fancy that Martha."

Lexa's eyes narrowed. "Jus drein jus daun Regina. We shall take care of this Martha," Lexa said seriously as she readied herself.

"No everyone just stop," Regina said calmly. "I can worry about that later. For now, where is everyone staying mother?"

"I took care of that already." Cora waved her hand dismissively before she clapped her hands. In a puff of magic, a large section of the town was revealed with quaint houses. "They have electricity and running water and if they need anymore renovations I can easily do that," she said the last part to Lexa who nodded gratefully. "Just let me know any requests."

"Can they stay mom, pleasssseeee?" Henry asked with puppy eyes with Aden joining in a moment later.

"Maybe I should join a gym," Emma pondered as she finally made it next to her wife. "Who's the cute kid?" She gestured to Aden.

"Aden is one of my initiates, a night blood, he is also like a son to me," Lexa said sincerely as she stepped next to Aden and patted his shoulder.

"Awww you and Clarke have a kid," Emma teased.

Clarke blushed as her mother shot her a look.

"Nomon," Aden said happily as he looked to Clarke.

"Ummmm." Clarke laughed nervously.

Regina rubbed her temples. "I desperately need a vacation."

"DID SOMEONE SAY VACATION!?" Snow yelled, appearing out of thin air. "Oh Regina that is a WONDERFUL idea! Let's all go together!"

"Damn White Chocolate, you actually had a good idea," Cora replied, a beaming smile on her face. "Let's do it."

"What have I done," Regina muttered to herself as Cora was excitedly explaining what a vacation was to the rest of the group.

"I love vacations." Emma threw her arm over Regina's shoulder. "Where are we going?"

"I have the perfect place," Hook said seriously as he looked to Cora. "It's somewhere you've always wanted to go."

Cora's eyes widened.

"That's right love. We are all going…" Hook trailed off dramatically. "TO THE RENAISSANCE FAIR!"

* * *

**A/N: There you have it. Next chapter we will get to see the entire gang at a Renaissance Fair. All the jousting, turkey legs, and ale you could ask for. I'm personally looking forward to seeing Lexa and Clarke adjust to the Ren Fair, as well as the rest the gang.**

 


	44. The Renaissance Faire

**Well, everyone…there is finally an update lol I apologize for such a wait but I've been very busy.**

**I wrote a book, which is available for purchase! Make sure to remove the spaces, as does not allow links.**

_**Kindle: www.amazon.com/dp/B073YDN85Y** _

**It is an original work about vampires, werewolves, and witches. Did I mention there are lesbian and bisexual vampires? Yeah there's that. Oh yeah and did I mention the majority of the characters are POC?**

**I hope you enjoy this update, and please go and purchase my book. Support it, because there are few novels out there like this. Okay? Okay.**

**Don't forget to review both!**

* * *

"VIVA LA RENAISSANCE FAIRE!" Cora screamed as she hopped out of the car. "VIVA LA MEEEEEEE!"

"Mother, would you please stop screaming. People are starting to stare," Regina said seriously as she and her wife rounded the vehicle to join Cora.

"There are animals," Snow said in awe, her eyes wide with love and wonder.

"I do not understand what the purpose of this place is," Lexa commented as she and Clarke joined the small group.

"Ah, love, the Ren faire is an interesting thing. It is an event where the workers all dress like people from our land," Hook explained.

"Well, the only similarities are the costumes. The history is based off of our lands history," Emma added with a smile.

"Aden and I are going to sword fight," Henry chimed in, bouncing on the balls of his feet in excitement.

Regina eyed him seriously. "You only use the wooden swords."

"Do not worry, Regina. Aden is a skilled fighter, he will make sure Henry stays safe," Lexa said with pride.

"So…what do we do here exactly?" Clarke asked, her hand going and threading itself with Lexa's.

Cora eyed the gesture and a smirk graced her face. "That is simple, Clarke." She looked to her seriously. "We  _live_."

Clarke arched an eyebrow in confusion and Emma simply rolled her eyes before explaining, "In Cora lingo, that means do whatever fits your fancy and have a good time. BUT, don't break anything because you guys are going to make Regina and I broke."

Regina merely looked to Emma and snorted.

"Okay you'll make Regina broke," she corrected with a sheepish grin.

"Told you she was the sugar mama," Hook whispered to Cora.

"Yeah no kidding." She looked to Emma. "What the hell, Emma? Can't you support your woman?"

Emma's eyes widened. "SHE'S THE FUCKING MAYOR! SHE MAKES WAY MORE MONEY!"

Cora looked at her daughter. "What the hell, Regina? Can't you pay your woman more?"

Regina merely rolled her eyes, not wanting to get into all the reasons why she could not do that.

"That's what I thought," Cora muttered before looking back at the Ren faire. "I shall rule this kingdom, Hook."

"Oh no, here we go again," Snow said to the girls. "It's going to be like Disney all over again."

"Let me live, White Chocolate," Cora replied, holding up a hand to silence her. She looked back at Hook. "Hook, we shall take over this realm." She looked to Clarke and Lexa. "Lexa, Clarke, may I count on your support as warriors?"

"Yeah, I don't know—" Clarke began.

"ABSOLUTELY, CORA! MY HAND IS YOUR HAND, YOUR WILL IS MY WILL!" Lexa yelled as she unsheathed her sword.

Regina's eyes widened and she carefully pushed on Lexa's sword. "Okay, put that away."

"Excellent. Let us begin!" Cora yelled excitedly before running off ahead with Hook and Lexa in tow.

"Why is everyone crazy?" Regina asked her wife. She turned to look at Emma, only to see that she was gone. She glanced back at the retreating group, catching a flash of blonde hair running with her mother. "Apparently even my wife is."

"Looks like you and I are the only sane ones," Clarke said seriously, earning a laugh from Regina.

"Where is Snow?" Regina asked then, eyes searching the surrounding area.

They began to walk, entering the Ren faire and skimming the tents to see if they could spot her.

"There," Clarke pointed, finally finding her.

She was currently in one of the pig pens, sitting in the mud and talking to a pig.

"They don't ACTUALLY eat you here though right?" Snow asked seriously.

The pig gave some snorts in response.

"OH MY GOD THEY ACTUALLY DO THAT?!"

More snorts.

"HOW AWFUL!"

More snorts.

"I will NOT allow them to dress you up like Trump. That is just insulting to your image." She patted the pig on the head.

"Hook! Look!" Cora yelled happily, pointing to the woman that had just disappeared behind a tent.

"Was that the Queen, love?"

"Indeed it was. To usurp the throne, I must take her out."

"How do you want to proceed?" Emma asked seriously, eyes scanning the tents.

Cora hummed. "First, we need to look the part. Into a tent!"

They hurried into the nearest tent, which was thankfully empty.

Cora flung her hands up, encasing them all in a puff of smoke. When the smoke dissipated, they all had on century attire…except Hook.

"Why don't I get a costume?" Hook demanded sadly.

Cora eyed him. "Because you've been wearing the same fucking outfit for like 40 plus years, Hook." She gestured to his outfit. "You regularly wear period attire. You're good."

Hook pouted sadly. "I wanted to be involved."

Cora groaned. "Fineeeeee." She waved her hand and encompassed him in smoke. When it disappeared, Hook was smiling happily.

"Much better, love. I am incognito now," he said as he gave a twirl in his dress.

"Alright let's roll," Cora said to the group, interrupting Emma and Lexa's viewing of their knight attire.

Cora was wearing her Queen of Hearts dress and strolled triumphantly from the tent with her two knights and wench in tow.

"Let us begin," Cora said darkly as they began strolling through the dirt roads. They looked up ahead and saw that the Queen was present for a jousting tournament.

"Look, we could enter Emma and Lexa in the tournament," Hook suggested.

"You two up for this?" Cora asked them.

Emma fell to one knee and slapped her fist over her heart. "I swear I will get you this kingdom."

"I as well," Lexa pledged.

She and Emma made their way to the tent with the others, and since they looked the part, no one questioned if they should actually be there or not.

"You there!" Cora yelled, pointing at the Queen.

The Queen looked to her, confused. She then looked to one of the guards. "Who is the broad? I never saw her at rehearsal."

"Must have been a last minute change," the man said with a shrug.

The Queen turned to look at Cora. "Yes, my loyal subject?"

Cora bristled. "LOYAL SUBJECT! BITCH I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'M A QUEEN!"

"Ah, love, might want to tone down the crazy."

"I'M THE MOTHERFUCKING QUEEN OF HEARTS! I'LL KICK YOUR ASS AND TAKE YOUR KINGDOM!"

"What?" the Queen asked, disturbed.

"Mother!" Regina scolded as she and Clarke appeared.

"Not now, Regina!" Cora yelled at her daughter before looking back at the Queen. "I'LL TAKE YOUR KINGDOM AND I'LL FUCK YOUR WIFE!"

"Ah, love, not everyone is as sexually fluid as you are."

Cora looked at Hook and then the Queen. "I mean, I'LL FUCK YOUR HUSBAND…OR BOYFRIEND…OR GIRLFRIEND…WHOEVER YOU LOVE I WILL FUCK!"

"Much better, Captain. I think you covered your bases."

"Damn right."

"FOR THE QUEEN!" Emma and Lexa screamed as they charged the other knights.

Cora looked to Hook. "What the fuck happened?"

"I'm unsure, love. But, it seemed as though two of the Queen's knights said something offensive to Lexa and Emma."

"Oh okay," Cora said before looking back to the girls. "KICK THEIR ASSES AND TAKE THEIR KINGDOM!"

Emma dove into the battle, her sword clanking against the other knights.

Lexa did the same, diving head first and swinging with the skill of a warrior. They pushed their enemy knights back, knocking them to the ground and pointing the sword at their chests.

"Do you surrender?" Emma asked loudly.

"We surrender!" the two knights yelled, terrified of the two women.

"STORM THE QUEEN!" Cora yelled as she summoned wooden swords.

Soon, everyone in the vicinity had grabbed a wooden sword and engaged in battle, choosing whether they would fight or the Queen or the Queen of hearts.

"Oh, what the hell. It wouldn't be vacation if they didn't do this," Regina said as she grabbed a sword. "VIVA LA CORA!" She dove into battle and swung her sword at the nearest enemy.

She saw Emma out of the corner of her eye, wrestling with another knight. She ran to help and knocked the man from Emma.

"Regina!" Emma said happily as she stood. "You came for me."

"Of course, dear," Regina said sweetly before pulling her wife in for a kiss.

They kissed passionately as the battle raged around them.

"HEY LOVEBIRDS!" Cora yelled as she fought off a knight. "KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS UNTIL THE BATTLE IS WON!"

Regina and Emma pulled apart and rolled their eyes.

"CHARGE MY PIGGIES!" Snow cried as she road into battle on the back of a large pig, who led the following pack of large pigs. The pigs charged at the enemy men, fighting them off and pushing them back to advance their ranks.

"FOR THE WOODLAND LIFE!" Snow yelled as she hopped off a pig and dove at the nearest enemy.

"FOLLOW THE PIGS!" Cora yelled as she advanced her forces.

"CHARGE!" Henry and Aden screamed as they swung in on ropes and landed on a group of men, taking them out together.

"What. The. Fuck. Is. Happening," the Queen asked the man next to her.

"I have no fucking clue. They've lost their minds."

Cora suddenly leapt up onto the balcony and pointed the sword at the Queen. "Surrender the crown."

The Queen eyed her a minute before screaming in terror and tossing the crown at her.

Cora smirked in triumph and placed the crown on her head. She then faced the battle and called it to a close.

"WE ARE VICTORIOUS!" Cora cried happily.

Cries echoed out across the battlefield, happy that their queen won.

* * *

"Well that was exciting," Regina said as she and Emma walked toward the exit of the faire. "Mother certainly enjoyed herself."

"Well, it helped that she won the kingdom," Emma replied seriously.

"Very true." She glanced back at her mother, who was happily devouring a large turkey leg with Lexa.

"So delicious!" Lexa exclaimed as she took another bite. "You should be very proud of your kingdom, Cora."

"I couldn't have taken it without you, Heda," Cora replied seriously.

"Excuse me, ma'am," a man said as he approached Cora.

"That is Queen Cora, sir," Lexa said defensively, holding her turkey leg like a club.

"Still in character, excellent," the man muttered before looking to Cora. "Queen Cora. I appreciate what you did today, very interactive and believable acting. You'll have to be sure you get your agent to schedule you here next year as well."

"Ah, I don't work here."

"What?"

"What?" Cora quickly asked.

The man eyed her.

"Yeah sure, I'll get him on that. Hook!" she called, waiting until the man looked at her. "Next year?"

"Of course, love!" Hook called before going back to his rum.

"See, all good." Cora laughed nervously.

The man thanked her and then nodded before departing.

"Now what will you do?" Lexa asked as Clarke approached them. She put her arm around her girlfriend and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

Cora squealed. "Oh so cute! And to answer your question, I have no idea. I will probably go and get drunk with the pirate."

"What do you want to do, babe?" Emma asked her wife as they watched Cora, Lexa, and Clarke scamper off to drink with Hook.

Regina gave her a mischievous grin. "I was thinking that we could go somewhere private." She pulled Emma to her by her armor. "Perhaps a little Evil Queen and White Knight roll play?"

"In public?" Emma asked with a smile.

"Of course, dear. We have to continue our tradition of fucking wherever we go on vacation," Regina said seriously as she trailed her finger down Emma's neck. "Unless you're scared, savior."

Emma's eyes flashed and she quickly picked Regina up in her arms and rushed off to find somewhere secluded.

"GET THEM!" Snow yelled as she rode the pig after the owner, chasing him down for making the pig dress up like Trump. "WE SHALL MAKE YOU PAY!"

Cora watched the display for a moment before catching Regina and Emma sneaking off. "Well I guess they're going to go bang somewhere."

"Are you going to go and interrupt them, love?" Hook asked as he took a swig of his drink.

"Nah. I'm going to let them have this one. They fought bravely and deserve some romps in the hay…literally."

"Happy Ren Faire, Cora," Hook said as he raised his glass.

"Happy Ren Faire, Hook."

* * *

**A/N: Don't forget to review and also check my book out**


	45. Excerpt from Day 3 of SQ Week 2017

**This chapter was first published during SQ week, but since it is in the AWCM universe I have decided to include it in the story**

* * *

**Day Three: Grandmothers**

**(Set in the Adventures with Cora Mills universe)**

_**As I am as awful with aging these characters as the creators are, this is set in the future. Henry is 24, Regina is 49, Emma is 42, and Cora is 71. I don't remember how old Henry was when Lily was born in AWCM, but for arguments sake let's say Henry was 15. So that puts Lily at 9yrs old now.** _

**Rated M for language and sexual innuendos. As always, reviews are welcomed and encouraged.**

**Why haven't you followed this story yet?**

* * *

"Is Henry here yet?" Cora yelled from her room.

Emma rolled her eyes and smiled. "Not yet, Cora!"

Silence.

Emma looked back at her reflection in the mirror. She still looked damn good for being forty-one. She had a few visible lines on her face, mainly laugh lines and a little crinkle in her eyes whenever she smiled, and her body was still in good shape—thanks to running every day still. She had aged well now that she was a grandmother.

"Henry?" Lily asked with a bright smile, her little brunette head poking out from around the corner.

"Not yet, Lil. He, Lucy, and Maria will be here soon though," Emma replied with a grin. She looked up as her wife exited the kitchen, her hands on her hips and looking at Lily expectantly.

"Lily, you need to finish eating your vegetables." Regina arched an eyebrow in challenge.

Lily turned to face her mother, her green eyes looking at her in defiance.

Emma chuckled to herself. Lily was a perfect combination of the two of them…which meant that her stubbornness was through the roof.

"Do what your mom says," Emma agreed as she approached her wife.

Emma had thought she aged well—Regina was in another league. If anything, she had gotten sexier with age. She was still in fantastic shape, slim but curvaceous, and the few lines that she had on her face only enhanced her beauty. Emma was still having a hard time keeping her hands off her.

Lily let out a loud sigh but did as she was told. Her little feet carried her over to the table and she hopped up on her chair and begrudgingly began nibbling on her food.

"Hey," Emma greeted as she wrapped her arms around Regina's waist.

"Hey, yourself," Regina replied with a smile, her arms wrapping around Emma's neck.

Emma leaned in and gave her a soft kiss before pulling back with a wide smile.

"Are you excited for the kids to stay with us for a few days?" Regina asked her wife, not noticing that they had begun to sway a little as they held each other.

"Absolutely. I miss the kid, and Maria. Plus, it'll be nice having a baby around again and spend some time with our granddaughter."

"I'm only nine!" Lily yelled with an eye roll.

Regina chuckled and looked at her daughter. "You are just as excited to see your niece and brother," she countered.

Lily rolled her eyes in a very Regina like fashion. "Nana is the one who is overly excited to see the baby."

Regina and Emma both nodded their agreement. Cora hadn't seen Lucy since her birth, which was almost ten months ago. Henry and his girlfriend were living in New York, and it was at least an eight and a half hour drive to visit them. They could always fly, after all it was only an hour flight, but Cora was terrified of airplanes and refused. So, when Regina and Emma went to visit Henry and Lucy a few months after the birth, Cora wasn't in attendance.

"DID SOMEONE SAY BABY?!" Cora yelled as she magically poofed in the center of the kitchen, startling Regina and Emma.

"Mother, we have  _talked_  about this!" Regina hissed.

"No,  _you_  talked. I listened. And then I ignored it," Cora replied matter-of-factly.

Emma snorted in amusement, earning a disapproving look from her wife. She coughed nervously and tightened her hold on Regina's waist.

"Mother, you must promise to be on your best behavior while Lucy is with us." The brunette arched an eyebrow in challenge, daring her mother to disagree. "Do not make me take away your laptop again."

"But Reginaaaaa," Cora whined. "Scandal is on Netflix! I'm right in the middle of season 5 and it's getting good."

"Not my problem."

"Don't worry, Mom. I'll keep an eye on Nana," Lily said seriously, a piece of broccoli hovering on her fork near her mouth.

Regina's eyebrows rose. "Oh that's reassuring."

"I'm nine, mom," Liliy countered, her own little eyebrow rising in challenge.

"That was eerily close to Regina," Cora whispered to Emma as she eyed her granddaughter.

The doorbell rang and immediately Cora ran to answer it, ripping the door of the mansion open and squealing when she saw Henry holding his daughter.

"Henry! Lucy!" Cora said happily as she carefully pulled him into a hug.

"Hey, nana," Henry said with a smile before shifting Lucy in his arms.

Cora stepped back and let him into the house.

"Mom. Ma," Henry greeted as his two mothers came to hug him and fawn over the baby.

"Hey, bro," Lily greeted as she approached the group. She sighed as she looked at her niece. "I remember when I was loved so much."

"That she gets from you," Regina whispered to her wife disapprovingly. She turned to Lily. "Honey, you  _are_  loved. You're our baby girl."

Regina pulled Lily to her and gave her a squeeze before looking back to Henry. "Where's Maria?"

"She is—"

"Right here," Maria interrupted as she entered the house. "Hello, Swan-Mills."

"Maria," Regina greeted happily before moving to hug the young woman. "¿Cómo estás?"

"Bien. ¿Y tú?" Maria asked as she and Regina moved into another room to talk.

"Every single time," Emma muttered before looking at her son. "So, what are you guys planning on doing while you're here?"

"Maria is just looking forward to seeing everyone again and getting some of Granny's food," Henry replied with a laugh.

"Well at least it's simple."

"Is she here?" Hook appeared in the doorway, his head poking around the entrance.

"She's in here, Hook," Emma said with a laugh as the pirate entered and went straight to Henry.

"Ello lad. How goes fatherhood?" Hook asked as he took in the sight of little Lucy.

"It's very tiring," Henry replied honestly, but smiled nonetheless.

Hook looked to Cora. "So, does this mean–"

Cora smacked him. "Not in front of Emma."

"What now?" Emma asked, eyebrows rising in question.

"Nothing," Hook amended before looking to Cora. "You don't have to hit so hard you know."

Emma eyed them a moment. "You want to start training a baby."

Cora and Hook froze.

"How did she know?" Hook asked.

Cora smacked him on the head. "DO YOU HAVE NO FILTER?!"

Emma rolled her eyes and Henry suppressed a laugh. "The baby is TEN MONTHS OLD. There is no way in hell you're going to be 'recruiting' her for your Armada already. It isn't happening."

"You used to be so much fun," Cora said. "What happened to you, Emma? What happened to the Emma Swan-Mills I knew and loved?"

"Her back started to hurt from all the stunts," Emma deadpanned. She noticed Cora's shifting eyesight and silent conversation she was having with someone behind her back…and closer to the ground. Emma turned and caught her daughter examining her fingernails like nothing was out of the ordinary. She turned back to Cora. "I mean it, Cora. Do not make me take away your hoverboard."

"But, Emmmaaaaaaaaa," Cora whined before pouting and stomping her foot. "You suck."

"Isn't that anatomically impossible since mom is also female?" Lily asked in confusion.

Emma's eyes bugged out of her head. "Okay that is ENOUGH!" She rounded on Cora. "You need to stop teaching my daughter whatever you're teaching her."

"What happened now," Regina asked with a sigh as she and Maria entered the room.

"Babe, you really don't want to know," Emma replied before taking Lucy from Henry's arms. "You two go and have fun, don't worry about Lucy. I will keep her far from Cora."

"Emmaaaaaa," Cora whined again. "She's my great-granddaughter."

Emma eyed her dangerously before turning and walking out of the room with Lucy.

Lily looked to Cora and gave her a thumbs up before following her mother out of the room.

"Helps to have someone on the inside. Aye, Captain?" Hook whispered.

Cora gave a curt nod before looking to her daughter. "You need to fuck Emma more, Regina. She's all pissy."

Regina's face reddened. "Mother!"

"Well it's true!"

"Yep, good to be home," Henry said with a chuckle as he looked to his girlfriend.

* * *

_Meanwhile, upstairs…_

"Ma?" Lily called as she knocked on her parents' bedroom door.

"Go away, Lily," Emma called back. "I know you're spying for Cora."

Liliy sighed before trying the doorknob.

Locked.

She sighed again and waved her hand, magically unlocking it, and entering the room.

"Damnit!" Emma cursed from behind her fort.

"You made a fort?" Lily asked as she examined the cardboard and blanket fort.

"Yes."

"With magic?"

"Also yes."

"But you couldn't take the time to magically lock the door and keep me out?"

Emma hesitated. "Also…yes."

"What are you ten?" Lily asked.

"Don't act like you aren't jealous of this awesome fort," Emma shot back, her head peeking up over the top. "And you're nine! No judging." She glanced down at little Lucy, comfortably sleeping in her arms.

"Look, ma, we can do this the easy way or the hard way," Lily began.

Emma poked her head through once more to interrupt. "REGINAAAAAAA!"

In a second Regina magicked herself into the room, eyes widening when she saw the blanket and cardboard fort Emma had constructed. She then noticed Emma holding a sleeping Lucy in her arms.

"What is going on?" Regina asked, turning to look at her daughter.

Lily looked to her brunette mother before looking back at her other mother, who was smirking in triumph. "This isn't over. She  _will_  be a part of the armada." With that, she disappeared in a puff of lavender smoke.

"That is your child," Emma said to her wife. "Remember how she was like me when she was a baby? Sweet, cute, always laughing."

"You mean like you in terms of eating, sleeping, and having gas?" Regina countered with a smirk.

Emma bristled. "That was ONE night and it wasn't my fault it was those damn nachos!"

Regina chuckled before making her way around the fort and coming to sit down next to Emma and Lucy. "So is this our plan for the evening?"

"Yes. We can keep her safe here. We can watch her and make sure that Cora and Lily don't try to steal her."

Regina sighed before she magicked a powerful barrier around the room. "There, now neither of them can get in."

"Pretty sure Cora's magic can break that."

"If she tries she will have to answer a riddle to get it to open, and only she can solve and answer it."

"Smart thinking. Cora gets irrationally pissy with riddles, and she can't have Lily do it for her." Emma looked down at Lucy.

"It's hard to believe that our son has a baby now," Regina said softly, her own eyes trained on the sleeping baby.

"Yeah it is. I remember when he was just a kid like it was yesterday. He grew up too fast."

Regina nodded and scooted closer to Emma, cuddling into her side. "But now we have a beautiful granddaughter. Just look at her."

Emma sighed happily and looked at her wife before looking down at Lucy. "Yeah she's pretty amazing."

"Regina, I know you're in there with Lucy!" Cora yelled from the other side of the door.

Regina rolled her eyes. "And just like that, the moment was short lived."

"I can't answer the fucking riddle! 'I'm tall when I'm young and short when I'm old, what am I?' I don't know, FUCKING CURSED?!" Cora yelled.

Emma chuckled.

"I command you to open this door!" Cora demanded. "Reginaaaa, she has to be a member of the armada! It is family tradition."

"Go away, mother! Can you just let Emma and I spend some time with our granddaughter in peace?"

Silence from the other side.

"If I agree to those terms will you allow me to initiate her?"

"Nana!"

"Shh, Lily. Sometimes you must concede a battle to win the war," Cora replied seriously.

Regina rolled her eyes and Emma giggled at her wife. She glanced down at Lucy who had woken up and was staring at them with wide brown eyes. "Hey there sleepy one."

Lucy gurgled in response.

"Your grandmas will put on a Disney movie to watch with you as soon as we strike this deal with your crazy great-grandmother," Regina said as she tickled Lucy's tummy.

"I heard that!" Cora yelled. "Do we have a deal or not?"

Regina rolled her eyes. "Fine, we have a deal. Emma and I have Lucy the rest of this evening,  _uninterrupted_ , and then tomorrow you can initiate her…" Regina trailed off. "But no hat!"

"Aww but the hat is the best part," Emma whined.

Regina glared at her disapprovingly.

"Fine," Cora agreed. She looked down at Lily and nodded for her to follow, leaving the two grandmothers in peace.

"So, what should we do now that we are free?" Emma asked seriously as she stood with Lucy.

Regina followed suit. "I was thinking that we put a Disney movie on for her so she can enjoy the pictures and colors and then we can play some peek-a-boo and head to bed."

Emma smiled warmly. "That sounds perfect."

The rest of their evening was spent exactly that way. Cora held to the terms of their agreement and Regina and Emma spent the evening watching The Lion King and playing peek-a-boo with Lucy until the three of them were exhausted.

"Alright, champ, time for bed," Emma said as she and Regina took Lucy to Henry and Maria's room. They would be back soon from their night out, but Regina turned the baby monitor on just in case.

Emma placed her in her crib and leaned down to give her a kiss goodnight, before turning on her mobile that hung above the crib. Lucy yawned as her little hands reached for the slowly spinning animals.

"Goodnight, princess," Regina whispered as she leaned over the rail and kissed her granddaughter on her head. "Sweet dreams."

Emma laced her fingers with Regina and led her down the hallway to their bedroom for some much needed rest. As soon as the door clicked behind them, Lily and Cora snuck out from Lily's room and crept into Lucy's.

They approached the crib quietly and Cora carefully avoided the mobile as she peered into the crib. She had made the mistake of getting too close to Lily's one night, and when it touched her head it scared her so badly she blew it up…Regina and Emma were NOT happy about that one.

"Do you have it?" Cora whispered to her granddaughter.

Lily nodded seriously as she pulled it from behind her back and handed it to her grandmother.

Cora took the item from her and carefully placed it in Lucy's crib, taking care to keep it away from her face.

It was a little captain's hat, embroidered with 'honorary first mate' on the brim.

"Welcome to the armada, Lucy," Cora whispered.

She and Lily looked to each other and then at Lucy and whispered, "Viva la Swan Queen."


	46. Excerpt from Day 4 of SQ Week 2017

**This chapter was first published during SQ week, but since it is in the AWCM universe I have decided to include it in the story**

**Also, please check out my novel if you have not already done so**

**Lesbians, vampires, werewolves, POC, bisexuals...OH MY**

**The book title is, _Darkness Is Rising_**

_**Kindle: www . amazon . [ c o] m] /[ dp/B073YDN85Y** _

**Also, everyone, I know some of you have purchased the book and have even read it by now. If you have, please leave a review on Amazon! It helps boost ratings and sales. So please please PLEASE review the book!**

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**Day 4: Family vacation**

**This chapter is also set in the AWCM universe, as it just wouldn't be right to have them have a family vacation without Cora and her crazy shenanigans.**

**Rated M for language and sexual content**

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* * *

"Are we there yet?" Cora asked from the backseat of the car.

Henry was passed out, his head resting comfortably in her lap, as her head rested against the window. Snow and Charming were cuddling in the very backseat, Emma was driving, and Regina was fiddling with the radio station from the passenger seat.

"Not yet, mother," Regina replied as she tried to find a station that wasn't pure static.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

Silence.

"How about now?"

"Mother!"

"What?" Cora whined. "We've been in this car for hours! My vagina is asleep."

Emma snorted and Regina whipped her head around to glare at her mother. "We will be there shortly, so stop whining."

Cora grumbled. "You're no fun."

Regina let out an exasperated sigh and Emma reached over to gently take her wife's hand. "Just relax and try not to get so stressed, babe."

Regina tiredly looked to her wife. "You know how she is."

"Yes, I do. As do you. So just relax and try to ignore her," Emma said as she squeezed Regina's hand.

"EMMA, SQUIRREL!" Snow shrieked suddenly from the back of the car, forcing Emma to swerve suddenly.

"SON OF A BITCH, MOM!" Emma yelled angrily as the vehicle straightened out.

Cora slowly turned in her seat to look at Snow. "The second we get back home, your ass is going back to therapy."

"The hell I am!" Snow shot spat, causing everyone's eyes to widen. "You think you can hold me down? You think you can keep me away from my other family? That I will ever stop protecting them and fighting for their little voices? Fine. Think what you want. But know this, I will  _never_  stop fighting for them and if that means I have to take you out to keep them safe, then…I. Will."

Silence encased the car and Cora's eyes shifted back and forth nervously.

"Okay, Snow. Whatever you want," Cora said as she slowly turned back around in her seat. She caught Regina and Emma's eyes in the rearview mirrored and mouthed 'batshit,' causing Emma to snort.

"How about everyone remains quiet and we finish this drive in peace," Regina suggested.

Cora actually nodded in agreement and patiently waited for them to arrive.

They arrived 30 mins later at their destination and everyone hopped out of the car in excitement. Charming and Snow clasped hands while Emma, Regina, Henry, and Cora huddled together.

Cora and Henry's eyes widened in amazement at the sight in front of them.

"So…" Cora began.

"It's…" Henry said.

"Beautiful," they said in tandem.

They had arrived at Six Flags, and both were amazed at the roller coasters running all over the park.

"Henry," Cora began.

"Yes, nana?"

"We must ride all of these," Cora said seriously.

"We will, Cora, don't worry," Emma chimed in as they all began heading to the park.

Regina had actually suggested the park, wanting to do something special for the family. She even managed to get them VIP bracelets so they wouldn't have to wait in any of the lines.

They made their way into the park and stopped, unsure of where they should go first.

"So…" Emma began as she looked at her family and squeezed her wife's hand. "Where should we start?"

"Why don't we start smaller and work our way up to the larger ones?" Henry suggested as he bounced on his feet.

"Good idea, kid. You have one in mind?" asked Emma.

"That one," Henry said pointing to a coaster called 'Roar.'

It was a standard wooden coaster, and he figured it was a safe bet for his nana to start on.

"Sounds good, Henry," Regina replied with a smile as she began leading her family toward the ride.

The line was relatively short to begin with, and with the VIP bracelets they were able to hop right in.

Henry insisted that he and Cora get the very first cart. Regina and Emma sat behind them, with Snow and Charming behind them.

"Henry, this seems rather large," Cora said, a hint of nervousness in her voice.

"Don't worry, Nana, you'll be fine. It's slower than the others and not as high, but it's still a lot of fun."

"You have your cuffs on, mother?" Regina asked seriously. She had slapped the magic cuffs on Cora before they entered the park, making sure that her mother would be unable to access her magic if she was scared. She just wanted to check that Henry hadn't removed them for her.

"Yes, Regina," Cora replied with a roll of her eyes.

The ride started to chug along Henry's excitement grew. He turned around to glance at his Ma, smiling happily when she gave him a thumbs up.

The coaster steadily began to climb and Cora looked to Henry and then back to the ride, and then back to Henry.

"Henry…"

"Yeah, nana?"

"Where is this going?"

"Up there."

"And then it will drop?"

"Yes…"

"Just checking," Cora said as she white knuckled the handlebar in front of her.

When the ride reached the top her eyes bugged out of her head. She could see far below and quickly realized that there was only a flimsy belt across her lap, keeping her from falling out of the contraption she was in.

They plummeted towards the ground and Henry screamed happily while she screamed in utter terror.

"MOTHER FUCK!" Cora yelled as they flew down toward the ground. "THIS IS WITCHCRAFT!"

"Mother, you have magic!" Regina yelled in defense of the ride as she squeezed Emma's hand.

They rounded a curve and then went over another hill, sending them in the air some and making Cora's stomach fly up into her throat before returning to its original position.

"Squirrel!" Snow yelled happily as they flew by a tree full of the furry critters.

Cora was too busy screaming to care.

The ride continued for another min before they came to an abrupt halt. As soon as the ride stopped, Cora's screams did as well.

"You okay, Nana?" Henry asked as he undid their buckle.

Her hair was completely windblown and scattered all over. Her eyes were wide and her mouth hung open.

"Um…mom, I think nana is in shock," Henry said worriedly to his brunette mother.

Regina looked to her wife, who's eyes were also wide. "I believe you other mother is as well, dear."

"That…" Cora began, "was AWESOME! WE MUST RIDE ANOTHER!" Cora yelled as she hopped out of the cart. "Henry, come, we must find another thrilling ride!"

"LET'S ROCK THIS SHIT!" Emma yelled, suddenly coming to life and hopping out of her cart.

Regina looked at her wife in surprise. They all left the ride and began walking to another, with Cora and Henry leading the way.

"Are you alright?" Regina asked seriously.

Her wife's eyes were still wide and she looked…wired.

"I feel alive, Regina," Emma said seriously as she looked to the brunette. She grabbed her face and kissed her.

Regina was surprised for a second but gave into the kiss a moment later, sighing happily as her wife deepened the kiss.

"Hey, lovebirds!" Cora yelled, drawing their attention. "Stop smooching and lets go!"

"Where's my mom and dad?" Emma asked seriously as they continued to walk, she couldn't see Snow or Charming anywhere.

Cora merely pointed off to the side.

"COME BACK I JUST WANT TO CUDDLE YOU!" Snow screamed as she dove at a squirrel.

Charming just stood back and munched on a turkey leg he acquired.

"Alrighty then," Emma mumbled as they headed to their next ride.

"File in people!" Cora yelled as she and Henry hopped up in their seats. They were going to ride the Batwing next.

"Mother, I think you may have a new addiction," Regina said seriously as she sat next to Emma who had taken the seat next to Cora.

"Let's rock this bitch," Cora said seriously before magicking a pair of goggles on her head.

"You got the cuffs off!" Regina scolded. She eyed her son. "Henry…"

"She promised she would be good."

"I  _pinky_  promised, Regina. I take my pinky promises very seriously."

Regina rolled her eyes.

"I have a need for speed!" Emma yelled randomly, startling her wife.

"Oh god," Regina began, realization in her voice. "You're just as bad as my mother. You're adrenaline junkies."

"Floor it!" Henry yelled out in anticipation.

"I'm surrounded by addicts," Regina mumbled to herself as the seats clicked in place and they began to move toward the first hill.

They had secured the very front row once again and were approaching the top.

Cora secured the goggles over her eyes and looked to Henry. They gave each other a thumbs up just as they reached the apex.

"TO GLORY!" Cora yelled as the ride plummeted downward.

Emma and Henry screamed with glee as they shot down, the ride twisting and beginning to spiral in a vortex before evening out and shooting upward.

Regina only felt nauseous.

"THIS IS AWESOME!" Cora screamed as they flew through the ride.

They took the turns and twisted around them, dipping and weaving through the course before coming to a stop as the ride ended.

"I NEED MORE!" Cora yelled, her breathing erratic and hair frazzled. Her eyes were wide behind her goggles.

"Let's get a different ride, nana!" Henry said excitedly.

They all exited the ride and made their way through the park.

"There! How about that one, Cora? It's a little different." Emma pointed to the Voodoo Drop.

Cora's eyes were wide with awe. "What does it do to me?"

"You sit in it and it takes you all the way to the top and then it drops you straight down in a free fall…fast," Emma explained.

Cora eyed the ride for a moment and then rushed ahead to claim her spot. Regina, Emma, and Henry diligently followed behind and took their seats.

"You okay, babe?" Emma asked as she eyed her wife.

"Not really, Emma…I don't believe I'm cut out for these rides. They seem to make me—"

"Weeeeeeeeeee!" Cora yelled happily as the ride started to move skyward.

"Make you what?" Emma asked as they continued to creep toward the top.

"It's fine," Regina replied, white knuckling the handles.

Emma was about to ask her another question when they suddenly dropped. Her mouth opened to scream but no sound came out.

Just as they neared the bottom they shot back up. She glanced over at Cora. Her goggles were down over her eyes, mouth wide open in a scream that had no sound, and feet wobbling with excitement.

Henry was in a similar state with a shit eating grin on his face.

They plummeted toward the ground again and again before finally slowing.

"Fuck yeah," Cora whispered as the seats raised.

"Babe, did you—" Emma went to ask before her eyes followed Regina's retreating form.

The brunette had taken off in a flash toward the nearest garbage can.

"Is she going to…" Cora trailed off as she watched her daughter shove her face in the can. "Oh, yep. Yeah, she's puking."

"Ohhhhh. She was going to say she was feeling nauseous," Emma said in realization. She nervously rubbed the back of her head. "Damn. Well I better go check on her. You and Henry can catch another roller coaster ride if you want."

Cora and Henry looked to each other before running off to the nearest one.

Emma walked over to her wife, who was still puking, and began to rub her back soothingly. "You okay, baby?"

Regina finally picked herself away from the can and looked to Emma. "I'm hungry."

A laugh escaped Emma's lips and she smiled endearingly at her wife. "Come on, let's get you some food."

"Where are Henry and my mother?"

"They went to catch another ride. Let's get some food and then we can watch them on the coaster."

They made their way to the concession stand and waited in line for some chicken tenders and fries, which didn't take too long to acquire. They caught a glimpse of Snow in the background carefully crawling across a tree limb toward a squirrel. They lost sight of her when the squirrel threw an acorn and Snow lost her balance and tumbled into the brush below.

Once they had their food they headed back toward the coaster and waited for Cora and Henry to board the carts.

"They always get the front," Regina commented before biting into a tender.

"Henry loves the front, and I think your mom is enjoying herself as well."

"Our family vacations are always interesting."

"Not as interesting as Disney was though," Emma replied with a grin.

Regina waved her hand. "Disney was in a league of its own." She watched as the ride took off. "They'll be at the top soon."

They patiently waited, their eyes following the carts as they descended.

"I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!" Cora screamed as the carts flew by Regina and Emma.

"We may have a problem with her and her newfound need for speed," Emma said pointedly.

Regina nodded.

"So…" Emma trailed off until her wife looked at her. She wiggled her eyebrows.

Regina sighed. "What is it?"

"Remember how we had some fun on the 'It's a Small World' ride?"

Regina blushed.

"Why don't we go find a secluded place." Emma grinned.

Regina looked around them before grabbing her wife's hand and pulling her in another direction.

* * *

_**Meanwhile…** _

Cora and Henry stumbled off of the ride.

"I..am…ALIIIVVEEEE!" Henry yelled as he ripped his shirt open and panted.

Cora removed her goggles from her eyes and looked to her grandson. "I have never been more proud of you than I am in this moment right now."

"Where did my moms go?"

Cora looked around and saw a flash of blonde disappear into some walkthrough attraction.

"Probably off banging, Henry."

"Ew," Henry said, scrunching his nose.

"We should probably go find your grandparents first and then try and locate your mothers," Cora suggested as she led Henry through the park.

"Look, Nana, there's grandma!" Henry pointed to the one tree.

"Fucking White Chocolate," Cora muttered under her breath.

"Why won't you love me?" Snow asked pleadingly. She eyed the squirrel that sat a few feet from her position on the tree branch. She had twigs sticking out of her hair from her earlier fall, and a few scratches from where a few squirrels bitch slapped her.

The squirrel squeaked a few times.

"I didn't kill him! That was Cora! She's always hurting my woodland friends."

It squeaked again.

"Beats me. She has a stick up her butt about animals for some reason."

Another few squeaks.

"You know, I really don't know why people voted third-party."

Cora looked to her grandson. "This could take a while, Henry. They're talking politics."

* * *

_**Meanwhile with Regina and Emma…** _

"Emma," Regina moaned against her wife's mouth as her fingers steadily pumped inside her.

They had managed to find a secluded spot in a walkthrough attraction. It was dark enough that no one would be able to see them unless they physically walked back into their corner, and was out of the way from the general crowd. They also couldn't see any security cameras or security entrances.

"There," Regina gasped out as Emma's thumb brushed her clit.

Emma continued her steady pace and kissed a trail down the side of Regina's neck, pausing at her pulse point to attach her lips and suck on it.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Regina panted as she increased the pace of her thrusting. Her hands tightened their hold in Emma's hair as her orgasm racked her body. A guttural moan ripped through her throat as Emma tore her lips away from her neck and kissed her to silence her cry.

Her hips slowed their rocking and they kissed leisurely until Regina regained her composure and breath.

She rested her forehead against her wife's. "Mmm we finally were able to do that uninterrupted."

"Mhmm," Emma agreed with a smile before she placed a kiss on Regina's nose. "I was happy to be of service, Your Majesty."

Regina's eyes darkened, but she refrained from jumping Emma's bones again.

"We should probably go and find Cora and Henry," Emma said as she carefully removed her fingers from her wife's center.

Regina shivered at the loss, but adjusted her skirt and fixed her hair. "Agreed."

They checked to make sure the coast was clear, and then proceeded to head toward the exit. Once they were outside they looked around, spotting their family in the distance.

"What's going on?" Emma asked Cora as she and Regina arrived at the scene.

Cora and Henry were kicking back in some lawn chairs that Cora had conjured up and sipping on some lemonade.

"WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE VOTE FOR TRUMP?!" Snow shrieked.

"White Chocolate is having a debate with the squirrel," Cora supplied before taking a loud slurp of her lemonade.

"I was unaware that squirrels followed politics," Regina replied.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU SUPPORT HIM. HE ISN'T GOING TO GIVE YOU ACORNS YOU FURRY BASTARD!" Snow yelled angrily as she dove at the squirrel, sending them both into the brush below.

"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!" Henry cheered before taking a gulp of his lemonade.

Regina looked to Emma and let out a laugh. "Happy family vacation."

"Happy family vacation."

* * *

**A/N: Please don't forget to review the book on Amazon. GO GO GO!**


	47. Peanut Butter

**We are going back in time!**

**Set shortly after Cora arrived in Storybrooke for the first time.**

* * *

**Also, please check out my novel if you have not already done so**

**Lesbians, vampires, werewolves, POC, witches, and bisexuals...OH MY!**

**The book title is, _Darkness Is Rising by C.M. Sipes_**

_**Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/Darkness-Rising-C-M-Sipes-ebook/dp/B073YDN85Y/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8** _

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"Henry…" Cora trailed off uncertainly as she eyed the container on the counter.

"Yeah, nana?"

"What is this substance?" Cora asked, pointing to the jar.

"Oh that's peanut butter."

Cora looked from her grandson to the peanut butter. "It does not look like butter though."

"It's good, try it!" Henry said with a smile as he grabbed a spoon from the drawer and handed it to his Nana.

Cora carefully took the spoon and dug out a small spoonful of the…butter of peanuts. She sniffed it, finding it pleasant to smell, and then took a taste.

Her first thought was that it stuck to the roof of her mouth, but she couldn't get over the deliciousness of the taste. Her taste buds exploded and she saw stars behind her eyes.

"Thisisthemostdeliciousthing," Cora said with her mouthful of peanut butter.

"I told you it was good!" Henry said as he grabbed a spoon and went to dig in.

Cora slapped his hand away. "Mine."

"Geez, Nana, it's called sharing," Henry said as he tried again.

Cora magicked the peanut butter away. "Henry, we must ration."

She then disappeared in a puff of smoke outside of the house, her peanut butter in hand. She ate another spoonful, moaning at the deliciousness of it.

"So fucking good," Cora muttered as she took another bite.

"Ello, love!" Hook called as he approached the woman. "Are you settling in to Storybrooke well? I heard you were blowing up Regina's appliances."

"I got over my fear, Hook. Now, I am interested in this delicacy," she held up the peanut butter. "I must ration though, for it is the only one in the house."

Hook eyed the woman a moment and then looked at the jar of peanut butter. "Whatever floats your fancy, love."

Cora licked another spoonful. "Do you know of anything that goes well with it?"

Hook's eyes glinted. "Aye, follow me!" He grabbed her hand and dragged her down the street toward Granny's diner. He kicked the door in, startling all of the patrons.

"Hook, stop breaking down my fucking door!" Granny yelled from behind the counter as Hook pushed Cora into the center of the room.

"We have a peanut butter situation."

Granny gasped. "Bring it forward."

Cora eyed them suspiciously, but proceeded toward Granny. She sat the jar down on the counter, and Granny began inspecting it.

"Just as I thought. Creamy. Excellent choice, Cora."

"There are others?" Cora asked in wonder.

"Aye, love. But it is crunchy…fuck that shit."

"If God wanted me to eat crunchy peanut butter he would have just made peanuts and left it at that. You can't call peanut butter peanut BUTTER if it has chunks of fucking peanuts in it," Granny ranted.

"I see you feel very strongly about this," Cora said seriously, her voice full of admiration. "I like that passion, Granny."

"Thank you, Cora. Now," Granny took a knife and dug some peanut butter out. She looked to Hook. "Bread." He sat two slices in front of her.

Cora crouched down, getting eye level with the counter to watch Granny's steady hands with anticipation.

Granny spread the peanut butter on the bread. "Jelly."

Hook handed her a jar of jelly and Granny took a spoonful of it out and began spreading it on the other slice of bread. She finished and placed one slice on top of the other, then carefully cut the sandwich diagonally.

She placed it in front of Cora. "Eat that."

Cora picked the sandwich up and took a bite, moaning at the taste and the flavor exploding on her tongue.

"This. Is. DELICIOUS!" She yelled excitedly, accidentally sending her magic haywire and blowing up a pot of coffee. "Oops. I can fix that!" She waved her hand and magicked it back together.

"Make her the other," Hook said seriously.

Granny nodded and cracked her knuckles. "Bread me." Hook handed her two more slices of bread as Cora watched with anticipation, scarfing down her peanut butter and jelly.

Granny spread the peanut butter on the bread and looked to Hook. "Banana." He handed her a banana, which she quickly cut up and placed on the peanut butter, then folded one slice over the other. She cut it diagonally and handed it to Cora.

Cora took a large bite, purple magic dancing in her eyes as she tasted the delicacy. "SO GOOD!" she yelled, magic exploding a glass of orange juice all over Ruby. "I am soooo sorry!" Cora yelped as she watched the brunette clean up the juice on her shirt.

"It's fine," Ruby said with a wave of her hand. She looked to Cora, pausing a moment as she looked over the woman. "I'm Ruby."

"Cora," Cora replied, immediately entranced by the woman in front of her.

"That's my granddaughter," Granny said to Cora, slightly amused at the way the older woman was looking at Ruby like she was the moon in the sky.

Cora choked on her sandwich and glanced back to Ruby, offering her a sheepish grin.

"So, what're you eating that's so delicious?" Ruby asked, leaning over the counter and giving Cora a view of her chest.

Cora blushed. "Peanut butter and boobs—I mean BANANAS!" she amended quickly.

Ruby smirked. "I know something that is even better," she said with a slight purr.

"Oh dear," Hook muttered as he watched the scene.

Cora swallowed thickly. "What?"

"Well…" Ruby trailed off as she dipped her finger into the jar and gathered some peanut butter on it. She held it up to Cora's mouth.

Cora eyed the digit and slowly took the finger in her mouth, licking the peanut butter off and watching as Ruby's eyes darkened.

"I'm right here," Granny said to Hook as she gestured to the two women. "You believe this fucking shit?"

"It's PORN!" Snow screamed from somewhere nearby, causing Hook and Granny to glance around.

"Where does she keep coming from?" Hook asked seriously, waving his arms.

They finally looked back to Ruby and Cora, who were still locked in a heated stare.

"Alright, back to work!" Granny shooed her granddaughter away.

"Make her the last one," Hook said seriously.

"Do you think she's ready?"

"I'm ready!" Cora said firmly, banging her fists on the table.

Granny nodded and grabbed two more slices of bread before spreading peanut butter on them. She then looked to Hook and nodded, signaling him to hand her the jar. She carefully placed the items on the peanut butter before closing the sandwich and cutting it. She handed it to Cora.

Cora took a bite, her face contorting for a moment before she moaned at the combination dancing on her tongue.

"So. Fucking. GOOOOOOODD!" Cora roared as she super saiyaned magic through the air and blew a hole in Granny's diner. Ceiling particles fell down on them and Cora looked to Granny sheepishly. "That…I can't fix."

Granny rolled her eyes. "I guess you liked the sandwich then?"

"What is this?"

"Peanut butter and pickle."

"That is a strange combination. But, it is fucking delicious."

"Not as delicious as I am," Ruby said, appearing behind Cora before continuing on to another table, sidestepping the rubble on the floor.

"I really do not need this right now," Granny muttered.

"Aye, I can see how it would be disturbing to hear your granddaughter basically tell Cora to eat her out," Hook replied, earning a smack to the head from Granny.

Cora looked at them strangely. "Eat her out? That sounds like cannibalism," Cora said horrified.

"No, love. It's when you put your mouth down  _there_ ," Hook replied with a smirk, watching as Granny looked ready to explode.

"She wants me to do that!?" Cora yelped, her head whipping to look after Ruby.

Ruby glanced over her shoulder as she bent over slowly, exposing the bottom of her ass and smirking.

Cora gulped.

"PORN!" Snow yelled from somewhere once again.

"HOW DOES SHE KEEP FUCKING DOING THAT!?" Hook screamed.

"I have to go!" Cora magicked herself from the diner, leaving Hook and Granny perplexed.

She reappeared a moment later and took the peanut butter jar. "This is mine." She disappeared once again.

Cora reappeared in the middle of the street, peanut butter and spoon in hand.

"Hello, Cora," the blue fairy said, appearing from thin air.

Cora's eyes narrowed. "Blue."

"I see you have some peanut butter."

Cora held it protectively. "Yes."

Blue grinned before diving at her. "GIVE ME THE PEANUT BUTTER!"

"FUCK NO GET YOUR OWN YOU SAGGY TITTED FAIRY!"

The fell to the ground, wrestling over the peanut butter.

"WE COULD HAVE BEEN FRIENDS!" Cora yelled as she fought for her peanut butter.

Blue reeled back, swiping the peanut butter from Cora and holding it up triumphantly. "Never!"

"All this for peanut butter?" Cora asked as she stood.

"I'm sick of everyone making a fuss over you coming to Storybrooke. 'Oh Cora is so funny' 'Cora is so great' 'Cora is so pretty.' Well guess what? I HAVE THE POWER NOW!" She held up the peanut butter. "And Ruby shall be mine!"

Cora's eyes narrowed. "First you take my peanut butter. And now…NOW, you want to take that gorgeous creature from me? LET'S RUMBLE YOU SOGGY TATER TOT!"

Blue screamed and dove at Cora, peanut butter flying through the air. Cora dove at Blue, tackling her to the ground and rolling across the street.

"I WILL HAVE EVERYTHING OF YOURS!"

"THE FUCK YOU WILL!" Cora screamed as she punched Blue in the face. She looked up, watching as the peanut butter hit the ground and exploded. "NOOOOOOOOO!"

Cora ran over to it and fell to her knees. She picked up what was left of the jar and cradled it. She looked up at the sky. "WHY GOD!? WHYYYYYYYYYYY?"

"Have fun mourning, you cheese filled perogi!" Blue yelled before disappearing.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS A PEROGI!" Cora yelled in the air. She looked down at the peanut butter and sighed sadly. "Well. It was fun while it lasted, my love."

"Cora," Snow said, her head appearing upside down from a tree.

"Yes, Snow?" Cora asked sadly, not disturbed at all by Snow's sudden entrance.

"Why are you so bummed about the peanut butter?"

Cora bristled. "Why am I so bummed? WHY AM I SO BUMMED? Because it is the most delicious thing on this earth and this was all I had and now it is GONE. GONE, SNOW. GONE."

"I only asked because you can just go buy more at the store."

Cora's head whipped to look at her. "What now?"

Snow's upside-down body nodded. "Yeah, you can just go to the grocery store and pick up another jar. Did you think that was the only jar in existence?"

Cora nodded and pouted. "So there is more of this substance?"

"Yeah a whole shit ton."

Cora magicked herself from the scene, leaving Snow alone in the tree.

A squirrel squeaked nearby and Snow looked at it. "I know. Can you believe my daughter is dating her daughter?"

The squirrel squeaked.

"Well I assume so…they've been dating for a long time."

More squeaks.

"THAT IS PORN! HOW DARE YOU!"

* * *

"Emma," Regina moaned, her hands threaded in her girlfriend's hair as her head rested between her legs.

Emma increased her pace and lessened the pressure, smirking as she felt Regina's hips increase their thrusting.

"Emma!" Regina cried out, her body quaking with her orgasm. She came down from her high and lightly tapped Emma's shoulder, signaling her to stop her soft stroking.

"Are you in a better mood now?" Emma asked with a grin as she kissed the inside of Regina's thighs.

Regina hummed, a lazy smile on her face. "Much better."

They were in her office. Regina had sent her secretary off on her lunchbreak when Emma appeared, concerned about her irritable mood. Her girlfriend had offered to relax her, and relax her she did.

"You're very talented," Regina said seriously before leaning forward and capturing Emma's lips in a kiss. She ran her tongue along her bottom lip, tasting herself and moaning.

Just then Emma's cellphone rang.

Emma pulled back. "Sorry, babe," she said seriously. She chuckled when Regina pouted. She answered her phone, "Sheriff Swan."

While Emma answered her phone, Regina pulled her underwear back up her legs and straightened her skirt and shirt.

"We will be right there," Emma sighed. She hung the phone up and looked to Regina sympathetically.

"What happened now?" Regina asked with a sigh.

"Your mother got into a situation at the grocery store."

"Son of a bitch," Regina hissed as she threw her hands up, encasing herself and Emma in a puff of purple smoke.

They appeared a moment later in the grocery store.

"What the fuck?" Regina asked out loud, startling Emma at the use of language.

Regina only ever swore during sex…or if she was INCREDIBLY pissed…

Emma took in the state of the store and let out a whistle. "Your mother really did a number on the place."

The entirety of the store was turned upside down. Shelves were knocked over and various products were scattered throughout the store. The store windows were blown out, and there was a hole in the ceiling.

"MOTHER!" Regina shrieked as she stomped her way through the store. She came to a halt when she saw the blue fairy unconscious on the floor, and Cora sheepishly standing in the middle, covered in peanut butter…and licking it off of herself. "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

Cora paused her licking. "Well, Regina…you see. I got into a bit of a situation."

"I can see that. How?"

"Well…" she trailed off.

* * *

_Earlier…_

Cora arrived at the grocery store, pausing outside of the doors. She couldn't see a handle anywhere for her to enter, and remained perplexed. She took a step forward and the doors slid open.

Naturally, it scared her.

"IT'S THE FORCE!" she yelled as she waved her hand, blowing out the glass in the doors and startling the patrons inside.

When she realized the doors were supposed to do that she gave a sheepish grin and shrugged. "Sorry, I can't fix that. Put it on Regina's tab."

She carefully stepped through the shattered doors and made her way inside, eyes scanning the shelves for the deliciousness.

She saw the containers up ahead and squealed in excitement. She rushed toward them, eyes glancing over the jars.

"Wait a moment," she said aloud. She read the label, 'crunchy.' "Where is the creamy?"

"Looking for this?" Blue said as she held up the last jar of creamy.

Cora turned to look at her. Fire dancing in her eyes. "Hand over the creamy, Blue."

"I think not!" Blue grinned wickedly. "If you want it, you'll have to take it."

"Bring it on you third titted slug!" Cora yelled as they dove at each other.

They fell to the ground, wrestling for dominance before Cora managed to land a punch to Blue's face. Blue recovered quickly and rolled them over, pulling on Cora's hair as they rolled across the floor. Cora kicked her off and quickly stood. Blue followed suit and braced herself as Cora dove at her, knocking them into a shelf and sending the shelf falling to the ground. Items scattered as they hit the floor, yet Cora and Blue kept battling.

They punched, kicked, and bit until they were disheveled and panting.

"This is it, Blue. This is the end," Cora panted.

"For you, you mean," Blue corrected as she shakily raised her wand.

Cora raised her hand, palm facing Blue. "Bring. It. On."

Blue let out a scream as she thrust her wand forward, sending out a bolt of magic.

Cora charged her palm and released an equally powerful blast of magic. The two streams met and sent everything in the store flying off of the shelves.

"I WILL DEFEAT YOU!" Blue shrieked. "YOU OLD STALE FRENCH FRY!"

"IN YOUR DREAMS, BUBBLE BUTT!"

"BUBBLE BUTT!?" Blue yelled in outrage. She pulled the wand back slightly before surging it forward with a new blast of magic.

Cora yelled and did the same, the magic growing in size and strength.

"VIVA LA PEANUT BUTTER!" Cora yelled as she added her other hand and sent a bolt of magic so powerful the whole store was encased in a bright light.

When the light decreased, Blue was lying unconscious, everything was knocked to the ground, and Cora was covered in exploded peanut butter.

Her tongue reached to the side of her mouth and licked a chunk of peanut butter. "So good. So worth it."

"Cora Mills!" a store clerk yelled, covered in pudding. "Your daughter will hear about this!"

Cora waved her hand dismissively. "Yeah yeah, put it on her tab." She licked some peanut butter from her arm.

"MOTHER!" Regina shrieked as she stomped her way through the store. She came to a halt when she saw the blue fairy unconscious on the floor, and Cora sheepishly standing in the middle covered in peanut butter…and licking it off of herself. "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

Cora paused her licking. "Well, Regina…you see. I got into a bit of a situation."

"I can see that. How?"

"Well…" she trailed off. She finished her tale and looked to her daughter, who was rubbing her temples in frustration.

"Awww, all that's left is the chunky!" Emma cried as she held up some jars of chunky peanut butter.

"Emma!" Regina scolded.

"Right?! How dare they only have chunky!" Cora defended.

"Mother," Regina began through gritted teeth. "You are aware that there is a whole cabinet full of creamy at the house, right?"

Cora's eyes widened. "There is?" she asked in awe.

"Henry is very fond of peanut butter," Regina replied.

"The kid eats the stuff like it's water. We have to keep it stocked," Emma added as she came to her girlfriend and rubbed her back soothingly.

Cora fist pumped. "Well, in that case, I am going to just go home and make myself a sandwich. All this destruction tired me out."

"You will fix this first!" Regina yelled angrily.

"I can't fix this! I don't understand how half of these things work," Cora argued. She waved her hand, repairing what she could. "There, the shelves are standing again. Can I go get my peanut butter now?"

Regina's face was red.

"Babe," Emma soothed. "Just let her go and we can clean this up."

Regina released the breath she was holding. "Fine. Go, mother."

Cora squealed and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Your mother is a handful," Emma said with a chuckle as she pulled her girlfriend to her.

Regina sighed and rested her forehead against Emma's. "Thank goodness I have you to keep me sane."

"Of course," Emma gently kissed her nose.

Cora reappeared then in a puff of magic. "Oh, by the way, Emma…you have Regina on your face and chin."

Regina blushed and Emma hastily wiped at her face.

"Honestly girls, get your shit together." Cora disappeared.

She reappeared again a second later.

"Kinky bitches. Cora out!"

* * *

**A/N: Don't forget to review my book AND this chapter!**


	48. Storybrooke 2.0

You guys are getting super lucky with all these updates.

Once again, if you haven't checked out my book ( **Darkness Is Rising by C.M. Sipes** ) please do so! It is available exclusively on Amazon. If you like vampires, werewolves, and witches, look no further. It is LGBT, POC, and female dominated. Go GO GO GO! If you've already read it, please review it on Amazon!

https://www.amazon.com/Darkness-Rising-C-M-Sipes-ebook/dp/B073YDN85Y/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

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For this story, as always, reviews are welcomed and encouraged.

* * *

A figure in black stealthily tiptoed around the side of the building, their head peeking around the corner to see if anyone was in sight. When the street was clear they took off, racing across the nighttime of Storybrooke and toward the single shop with light still on. They entered, the door chime singing at their entrance.

"Are you ready, dearie?" Rumple asked as he plucked the hat from behind the counter and walked to the open space in the shop.

The figure nodded before pulling the cloak away from their face. "Let's rock this bitch."

"Are you sure Regina won't find out?" Rumple asked, an eyebrow arching in challenge.

Cora rolled her eyes but still glanced around her, unsure. "Things have been tense since she took away my magic hats. She did not appreciate me bringing the whole cast of the 100 here, and now I'm being punished. I TOLD Emma to go down on her more, but does she listen? Noooooooooo. Unreliable kinky bitch."

Rumple merely looked at her before clearing his throat. "Yes, well, come now." He bent down and gave the hat a spin. "Remember, this will be tricky. You are going to an alternate world that is fairly far from out own."

Cora nodded as she watched the magic portal open.

"Best of luck."

She took a deep breath before leaping into the hat, swan divining her way through the magic.

"She approaches the end," she said to herself as she watched her exit approach. "She tucks." Cora tucked herself. "She unfolds." She unfolded herself. "She sticks the landing." Cora flipped and landed on her feet, hands raised above her head. "AND SHE STICKS IT!"

She fist pumped to her triumph and then glanced around Storybrooke.

It was…different.

"What the fuck time period am I in?" Cora asked aloud as she looked at all the pedestrians.

She quickly magicked some similar clothes on herself and wandered around. Everything looked the same, but slightly upgraded.

"This looks like some 90's shit," Cora said to herself and she headed toward Granny's.

She opened the door and stepped inside, thankfully everything looked the same.

"Can I help you?" Granny asked as she approached the new woman.

"Granny, thank goodness."

"Do I know you?"

Cora smacked her forehead. "Right right, alternate timeline. Obviously I never came here if she doesn't know me."

"Lady, you're talking to yourself and you seem a little crazy…I like that."

"I know you do," Cora said with a smile before returning to the matter at hand. "Can you tell me where I can find Regina?"

"Oh she's down at the Rabbit hole." Granny gestured down the street.

Cora arched an eyebrow. "The Rabbit Hole? The fuck she doing there?" Cora headed out of the diner and marched down the street.

She suddenly heard some sirens from behind, and turned to see what was going on.

"Get on home, Grumpy!" Hook yelled from his cruiser. "Don't make me toss your ass in the back again."

"Yeah yeah, smelly pirate."

"FORMER pirate, FORMER!" Hook yelled before sighing and slumping in his seat.

"Hi, Hook," Cora greeted as she approached the cruiser.

He looked to her in confusion. "Ello, love. Sorry but, I don't believe we've met."

Cora's head slumped in disappointment. "Why the fuck does no one know me in this land?! What the fuck have I been doing all these years?! Eating fucking Cheetos and watching Jeopardy!?"

Hook eyed her with surprise. "Um, love, care to tell me who you are?"

"Cora Mills."

"Cora Mills?" Hook's eyes widened. "You're Regina's mum, the Queen of Hearts."

"Yes," Cora said with hope in her voice. "Yes, I am THAT bitch." She gave a little dance.

"You don't seem very…well…evil."

Cora bristled. "I turned over a new leaf but I assure you,  _Hook_ , that I am still a badass motherfucker."

"Okay, love. What're you doing wandering around. It's getting late."

"I need to speak to my daughter."

"Hope in, I'll drive you the rest of the way."

Cora squealed and ran around the other side, sliding into the seat and bouncing happily. She always loved riding in the cruiser with Emma…Emma.

"Hook, you're a deputy, correct?"

He eyed her strangely as he pulled the cruiser into the street. "I'm sheriff, love."

"Sheriff?" Cora's eyebrow rose. "Where the fuck is Emma then?"

Hook looked at her strangely. "That's a name I haven't heard in a long time."

"Hook, where is my daughter-in-law?"

His eyebrows shot up. "Daughter-in-law?! You mean she and Regina?"

"Well…not in this timeline but in my timeline—"

The cruiser came to an abrupt stop, sending Cora into the dashboard. "MOTHERFUCKER WATCH WHAT YOU'RE DOING. SHERIFF MY ASS. FUCKING INJURING OLD WOMEN."

"Cora—"

"THIS MOTHERFUCKER TRIED TO KILL ME!" Cora shouted from the cruiser.

"Cora!"

"BEATING UP OLD LADIES AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A SHERIFF. HOW DARE YOU!"

"Cora, please."

Lights began to flicker on in some of the houses lining the street.

"HE'S A GRANNY BEATER. A GRANNY BEATER I TELL YOU!"

"Emma left!" Hook yelled, happy when Cora finally settled down and eyed him curiously.

"The fuck you mean,  _left_?"

Hook sighed. "We got married and then—"

"Woah, hold the fuck up," Cora said with a laugh. "You and  _Emma_  got married?!"

"Yes, love," Hook said with a roll of his eyes. "Would you listen? Emma and I got married and then I saw her having a chat with Regina and then next thing I know she just  _left_."

"Just up and left? No word? Nothing?"

"She left me a note. She said that she couldn't pretend to be happy with me anymore and left Storybrooke."

Cora sat back in her seat. "What about Henry?"

"Henry was devastated. Regina was as well…truth be told, I think Emma was in love with Regina the whole time…speaking of, back to that daughter-in-law comment."

"Oh right. I'm actually from an alternate universe. In my timeline, Emma and Regina got together a long time ago. They're happily married now and have a magic baby daughter."

"A magic baby? That would mean they're true loves."

"Yep."

"And true love spans all realms…which means that…"

"They're true loves here and every other timeline."

Hook whistled. "Well slap my arse and call me Sally."

Cora eyed him a moment before shrugging and hitting his ass as best as she could. "Sally!"

Hook squealed. "It was an EXPRESSION, CORA!"

Cora offered a sheepish grin. "My B."

"Let's get you to Regina." He continued driving down the street. "So, what is your plan?"

"Well," Cora sighed. "I have my work cut out for me since Emma left Storybrooke. But the end goal is the same, get those two girls together."

"I'd love to help."

"Really?" Cora eyed him suspiciously. "You were married…"

"Yes, but I have healed since then and if Emma and Regina are really true loves, then they should be together. End of story, love."

Cora felt a tear bubble in her eye. "That was beautiful."

"Here we are." Hook pulled up to the Rabbit Hole. "Let's go see what Regina knows."

"Oh yeah. DETECTIVE MILLS AND DETECTIVE HOOK, REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOOOOODDD!"

"I assume we are friends in your timeline."

"Oh, Hook. We are the BEST!" Cora grinned and pulled him inside.

She stopped as soon as she took in the sight of the Rabbit Hole…it was…clean.

Everything was spotless. The bar was beautifully stained wood, clean as a whistle, and there were numerous bottles on the shelves and options for beer on tap…unlike the rabbit hole back home where your options were one beer and whiskey.

"This place is so beautiful."

"Regina owns the place, love."

Cora slowly looked to him. "WHAT?!"

Everyone looked to her, including the bartender.

"Mother?" Regina asked, her voice lined with shock.

Cora looked back to her daughter. She never tired of the alternate Regina's giving her that look of awe.

"Hello, dear," Cora said warmly as she walked to the bar and Regina came around.

Her daughter embraced her in a tight hug.

"How is this possible? You're dead?" Regina asked through tears.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?"

Regina hopped back, startled.

"EVERY FUCKING TIMELINE MY ASS IS DEAD. THIS IS BULLSHIT. WAS IT SNOW?! DID WHITE CHOCOLATE FUCKING KILL ME HERE TOO!?"

Regina was shocked. "N-no. You actually tripped and fell into your guillotine and chopped your own head off. You were still alive though, since it was Wonderland…but then Maleficent was unhappy with your sudden departure after…" Regina trailed off, blushing. "After your tryst…and she burned you to a crisp."

Cora's mouth hung open. "THAT EGG LAYING BITCH!"

"That's what you're shocked about?" Regina asked with a laugh, utterly confused. "How are you ALIVE?"

"Oh." Cora waved her hand. "I'm not from this world, dear. I'm still your mother, but I'm from an alternate timeline."

Regina blinked.

"By the way, the fuck are you wearing?"

Regina glanced down at her jeans and shirt.

"You're wearing fucking mom jeans from the 90's, your earrings are huge, your hair is all curly…honey I'm happy you're embracing the more comfortable side of fashion…but do you have to look like you just walked out of a 1990 movie set in the Bronx?"

"I thought I looked fine, this is the fashion," Regina defended.

Cora blinked. "What fucking year is it?"

"1997."

"Oh. My. God." Cora rubbed her face. "No. No. Nope. Nope. Fucking. Nope."

"Mother?"

"1997? Seriously? How the fuck is it 1997 here?! You created the curse and it brought you here in the 80's. Emma broke the curse and time resumed and you all got your shit together and modernized. How is it only 1997 here?"

Regina shifted uncomfortably at the mention of Emma. "When Em—Miss Swan, left…time began to slow down. I don't know how to explain it. We still have all the modern technology of what year it actually is out there…but here in Storybrooke time seemed to revert to 1997. We woke up one morning and this is what fashion choices there were."

"So you're saying her departure somehow reactivated the curse?"

"I guess," Regina said with a shrug. "What does this matter anyways, Emma is gone."

Cora eyed the hurt shining in her daughter's eyes. "Honey, I'm here to get Emma to come home."

Regina blinked. "What?"

"I'm going after her, any idea where she's gone?"

"Mother…"

"What about Henry?"

Regina gave a sad smile. "Henry left as well."

Cora's jaw dropped. "What?"

"Henry left Storybrooke, he's 19 now and in college. In his spare time he goes and visits the Enchanted Forest and…well…he does what you're doing, hopping through different timelines."

"Oh my god," Cora whispered, stunned. "So…"

"Are you alright, love?" Hook asked.

Cora nodded and then shook her head. "Regina, have you have any contact with Emma?"

"No," Regina said with a cold laugh. "The last I heard, she was back in Boston. Henry told me."

"Okay, well, we just gotta whip up some magic then. I'm surprised you haven't done this already."

"I don't care where she went," Regina said coldly before turning and heading back around the bar to refill the patrons mugs. "She left."

"Honey."

"Don't, mother."

"Honey, Emma needs steered in the right direction." Cora magicked a map onto a nearby table and walked to it. She pulled out a vial of blood and dripped it on the map.

"Is…is that Swan's blood?" Hook asked slightly horrified.

Cora waved her hand. "Emma and I get into all sorts of shenanigans and she's stopped asking me questions. I carry a vial just in case of situations like these…or in case I actually lose Emma…which happened once. Regina doesn't know!" Cora said seriously. She waved her hand, watching as the blood led a trail directly to Emma's location…in Maine.

"Well, I'll be damned," Hook said as he looked at the location.

"What?" Regina asked, her curiosity getting the best of her.

"Emma is here in Maine. She's staying in Brunswick," Cora said to Regina.

"That's only an hour away," Regina commented from behind the bar.

Cora turned to look at her daughter. "Road trip!"

"Mother, no."

"ROAD TRIP REGINA!"

"Mother…"

* * *

_3 hours later…_

"I can't believe I agreed to this," Regina grumbled from the passenger seat.

Hook was driving, Regina sat in the passenger seat, and Cora bounced excitedly in the back.

"Oh shush, you know you'll love this."

"Mother, I don't understand why we need to retrieve her. She is an hour away, if she wanted to come back she would have."

"What if she can't?" Hook asked suddenly.

"What now?" Cora replied.

"What if Emma can't find Storybrooke? We suddenly had a shift in our timeline when she left, what if she can't return?"

Regina frowned at the thought but said nothing.

"You know what this road trip needs? Music."

"Mother," Regina warned.

"Live a little, honey." Cora turned on the radio suddenly, blasting some Spice Girls.

"Colours of the world

Spice up your life

Every boy and every girl

Spice up your life

People of the world

Spice up your life

Aah!" Cora belted from the backseat.

"Mother!"

"It's the Spice Girls, Regina!" Cora defended. "FUCKING LIVE A LITTLE FOR GODS SAKE."

Regina rolled her eyes.

"We're here, loves." Hook pulled the car over to an apartment complex in the city. "Any clue which is hers?"

"Eh the map doesn't say, we can check the thingy out front." Cora hopped out of the car. "Hook, you stay here. Regina, you're with me."

Regina followed Cora to the building, barely having time to compose herself when Cora pressed the call button for Emma's apartment.

" _Yeah?"_  Emma's voice flittered over the speaker.

Regina's jaw dropped at the sound. She forgot how much she missed her voice.

"Kinky in love bitches," Cora muttered before clearing her throat. "I have a package for a Swan?"

The buzzard went off, allowing them inside.

"Okay, Regina. When the door opens and it's her, you kiss her."

Regina looked shocked. "Mother, no!" she hissed.

"Oh for fuck's sake." Cora stopped and looked at her daughter, just down the hall from Emma's apartment. "You love her. She loves you. Just fucking go for it. Don't let me die like this."

"Die? Are you ill?" Regina asked worriedly.

"Yes, deathly. I'm sick from your shit!" Cora lyelled. "Get her!"

Cora quickly knocked on the door and then ran down the hall, giggling as she went and leaving a stunned Regina at the door.

The door opened, revealing Emma Swan in her classic white tank top and a pair of lounge pants. Her blonde curls hung loosely as green eyes widened in surprise.

"Emma," Regina breathed out. Something snapped and she took her mother's advice. She stepped forward and grabbed the blonde, pulling her to her and kissing her with as much passion as she could.

"Fuck yes, Viva La Swan Queen in EVERY REALM!" Cora fist pumped the air and began dancing in the hallway, neither woman noticing her antics.

When they pulled back, both women were breathless.

"Regina?" Emma asked, completely in awe. Her arms were wrapped around the brunette's waist, green eyes searching brown.

"Come home," Regina found herself saying.

"I tried," Emma said quickly. "After I left, when I wanted to go back I couldn't. I couldn't find the entrance."

"I think you stopped believing in yourself, dear," Regina said softly, her hand coming up to cup Emma's cheek. "Will you come home now?"

Emma nodded, a tear rolling down her cheek, which Regina wiped away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have married Hook. I should have told you how I really felt. I'm so sorry, Regina."

Regina shushed her and pulled her in for a sweet kiss. Regina's hand rested comfortably on Emma's cheek, lightly stroking the flesh as she kissed her.

"I love you," Regina whispered when she pulled back, just enough to look in Emma's eyes. "I've loved you for so long."

"I love you too," Emma replied.

They were about to kiss when a sob drew their attention down the hall.

Cora was sitting on the floor, eyeing them with pride…and sobbing loudly.

"IT'S SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL! I LOVE YOU TWO SO MUCH AND YOU'RE SO PERFECT TOGETHER. OTP. OT FUCKING P."

"Um…who is that?" Emma asked.

"That is my mother."

"I thought your mother was dead?"

Cora bristled and quickly stood, marching over to Emma.

"That is a sensitive subject," Regina whispered quickly.

"YOUR MOTHER FUCKING KILLED MY ASS IN ANOTHER TIMELINE MISSY. SO I DON'T TRUST HALF THE PEOPLE IN OUR FAMILY." Cora paused. "Okay I trust MY white chocolate. BUT EVERYONE ELSE IS A SUSPECT!"

"Um…" Emma trailed off.

"I'll explain in the car, go and get your things."

"Already handled," Cora blew air on her nails. "I magicked everything to the car."

"How?" Regina asked in surprise.

"Turns out this timeline has magic that I can access easily." Cora shrugged. "Fuck if I understand or care. Asses in the car ladies!"

* * *

_1 hour later…_

"Slam it to the left

If you're havin' a good time

Shake it to the right

If ya know that you feel fine

Chicas to the front

Ha ha

Hai Si Ja

Hold tight," Cora and Hook belted from the passenger seat as they neared Storybrooke.

Regina and Emma were cozied up in the backseat, talking in hushed tones and occasionally kissing each other sweetly, making the other two in the car feel warm and fuzzy.

As they drove over the line and a new song played, Hook looked in the rearview and smiled. He then looked to Cora. "Well done, lass. You brought them together."

"Yep," Cora said with pride. "All in a days work, Hook. All in a day."

"So, will you return to your timeline now?" Hook asked as he pulled the cruiser over in front of Regina's mansion.

Apparently, she still had the mansion after retiring as Mayor and buying the rabbit hole, and she was making a fortune.

"Yeah, I'll have to. Time moves differently in other timelines so I don't know how long I've really been gone, and Regina will get suspicious," Cora said warily.

"You say that like you're afraid," Hook said as they all exited the car.

"Well, Regina banned me from doing this sort of thing." Cora waved her hand dismissively. "But when the fuck do I ever listen."

"MOTHER!"

Cora slowly turned around, wincing. "Oh that isn't good."

"Regina, baby, wait!" Cora heard Emma call from nearby. "SHE'S YOUR MOTHER!"

"SHE KNOWS THIS SHIT IS NOT ALLOWED. NOW I HAVE TO TAKE TIME FROM MY BUSY SCHEDULE AND HUNT HER ASS DOWN."

"Baby, come on she's helping us!" Emma defended as they came into view.

"Is that…" other Emma began.

"Us?" Regina finished.

"Yep, and I am in soooooo much trouble," Cora said with a groan.

"Mother!" Regina yelled as she approached, magic flickering in her eyes. "How many times have I told you, NO TIMELINE HOPPING."

"But Reginnaaaaa," Cora whined. "I made you happy!" She pointed to the other Emma and Regina. "Emma left town and I went and got her and now you're all happy." Cora smiled.

Regina looked to her twin. "What the hell am I wearing?"

"Why does everyone hate this?" R asked everyone, gesturing to her outfit.

"What the hell happened to my hair?" Regina asked.

"I kinda like it," Emma added, winking at the other Regina and making her blush.

"Okay okay," Cora stepped in. "You're E," she said pointing to the other Emma. "And you're R." She pointed to the other Regina. "Keep it simple."

"I like it too," E said with a smile as she looked at R.

"See, babe? We're happy here now," Emma said as she rubbed her wife's shoulders. "You want us to be happy right?"

Regina sighed. "Yes, dear. I suppose I do."

"So…we stay for some family bonding?" Cora asked excitedly.

"Stay?" everyone asked in tandem.

"Yeah! Just for a few days to get acquainted and get E settled in to her life here with R. Emma, you can give her some tips on what Regina likes in the bedroom…"

"Mother!" both Regina's scolded.

"What!? You're a kinky bitch here too just like you are back home, don't even act like you aren't!"

"Mother, that isn't appropriate," Regina scolded.

"When the FUCK have I ever been appropriate?" Cora demanded.

"She has a point, babe. Come on, let's take a little vacation and hang out here for a bit. Lily is with Ursula and Cruella, and my parents are around."

"I'm sorry, who is Lily?" R interjected as E intertwined their hands.

Cora squealed at the gesture, which Regina ignored. "Lily is our daughter."

"We have a daughter?" E asked, eyes wide.

"Yeah, here," Emma said as she pulled out her phone. She pulled up a photo of Lily, proudly showing them.

R and E's eyes brightened when they saw the photo.

"She looks like you," E said with awe.

"She has your eyes," R replied before looking to her counterpart. "How?"

"True love," Regina replied with a wistful smile.

"I knocked her up," Emma chimed in with a satisfied grin.

"Must you be so crude, Emma?" Cora asked with a roll of her eyes.

"You're the one who calls us kinky bitches every fucking chance you get!" Emma defended.

Cora shrugged. "Alright that's fair."

"So…we can get pregnant?" R asked carefully.

"Of course. You and Emma are True Love's," Regina replied with a soft smile as her wife wrapped her arm around her shoulder.

"Interesting," E said, shifting on her feet and glancing at R. "I mean, I don't want us to have a baby just yet…but I mean…it couldn't hurt to at least practice."

R looked at her, a blush creeping up her cheeks.

"Yeah it can't," Cora jeered, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Mother!" both Regina's scolded, causing Cora to roll her eyes.

"Mean kinky bitches."

* * *

"Does it feel weird sleeping in our house that isn't really our house?" Emma asked Regina as they crawled into bed, immediately gravitating toward each other and cuddling.

"Of course, but it's only for a few days and then we will be back home with our family," Regina replied before leaning forward and kissing Emma sweetly.

"Mmm, I love your kisses," Emma hummed into the kiss.

"I love giving them," Regina mumbled before deepening the kiss and making Emma's head spin.

Things grew heated and they began to rid each other of their clothes.

Then something sounded against the wall and made them pause their ministrations.

"What was that?" Emma asked, her hand still holding onto Regina's boob.

" _Fuck, Emma_ ," the voice echoed from the other room.

"Oh," Regina said, blushing slightly. "I believe our other selves are a little busy."

" _Hey! Kinky bitches, keep it down some of us are trying to sleep!"_  Cora yelled from her room, causing Emma to snicker.

"Wrong kinky bitches, Cora!" Emma yelled back.

" _Emma!"_  R yelled out, signaling her orgasm.

"Well, it seems that our other selves are just as compatible here," Regina said to her wife with a chuckle.

" _Hey, other kinky bitches! Keep up the good work, you deserve this!_ " Cora yelled.

"Mother!"

"How come we don't deserve it?" Emma called, pouting slightly.

" _You two fuck all the time. Let them have their moment. Now shut up and go to bed. And sound proof your room if you're going to bang!"_  Cora called back.

She snuggled under her covers and grumbled about her daughters and daughters-in-law. But, a smile graced her face anyways, happy that she brought another world together.

* * *

**A/N:**  Don't forget to check out my book and review it and this chapter!


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